This video confirms my belief that dealing with narcs are 'above my pay grade'. No contact is the only way to live. And, live you will!
@sandiish64 Жыл бұрын
It's just hard when it's your daughter in law, and it affects my relationship with my grandkids. Breaks my heart
@nanadeborah8717 Жыл бұрын
@Sandi Isherwood I feel for you. My daughter-in-law is the same. I was banned 5 years ago. She convinced my son that I was the problem after living with me for 5 years rent free. I bent over backward to help them. I was cut off 5 years ago. Only her family matters. Her parents told her to get an abortion or never come home. I heard about how she was locked outside at 5 years old. All of the things that her family did to her. Both of her parents are functioning alcoholics. I don't drink. I had to raise children and I never had time to party. At any rate,she has told all of my son's friends who used to see them,that she just can't have any of my son's family around because we are all mentally ill. She told them that I wanted to take their 4 th daughter away and raise her. I found out that after I had not seen them for 3 years about that. My oldest granddaughter called me to tell me that it was my fault that none of her dad's friends would go up and visit anymore. So much more that I could write a book. I have given them to God. I can't put myself in that position anymore. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone.
@ADR-mr7rs Жыл бұрын
Yes!!!!
@mollyvollmer608 Жыл бұрын
Fantastic video full of helpful information. There is so much to learn as it relates to narcissism that I already knew. I hope you understand what I mean. 🤔
@ItsMe-ke6qw Жыл бұрын
Same here and also my relationship with my son..I know he knows now who he married but he stays for the kids …they too will grow up and the marriage will be over…I hope I get to live to see it
@fifik3136 Жыл бұрын
In the first 6 months of my relationship with my ex he said, I know how to f@ck with people's heads. And naive 21yr old me had no idea what he was talking about and thought little about it. Now I often think about Maya Angelou's quote "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time". This gem would have saved me a lot of pain.
@Feribrat99 Жыл бұрын
you and me both, I had no clue either.
@somerandomperson5521 Жыл бұрын
One of the ones I encountered claimed he didn't know why no one would stay around. Within 3 months I wanted him gone, and he had conned me into letting me move in. He acted so horrible and had the eggshells out within 1.5 months. I went to stay at his homeplace. His parents were deeply religious supposedly. First thing they made us do was get a marriage license. Promised, assured, swore to me it would never be turned in. When I fled, they were threatening to turn it in and have me committed for daring to leave the situation. Fortunately it was expired when I couldn't take the controlling, sneaky, manipulative behavior anymore.
@Soothsayer937 Жыл бұрын
Sometimes they will phrase it in the negative. As in "I'm not a dick." Ok, thanks for the warning that you probably are a dick.
@salviaspuzzle Жыл бұрын
My ex would get very drunk and admit "I don't think like normal people". Thought it was just the booze talking cuz when sober she'd pretend that she didn't say that. Wish I would have known maya's quote back then
@Soothsayer937 Жыл бұрын
@@salviaspuzzle Truth in booze.
@canduscanty8583 Жыл бұрын
I have found in my experience most narcissist are spoiled brats who were always given their way, never told no or given adequate discipline or boundaries
@Miniver76511 ай бұрын
Not always. Some of them come from very troubled backgrounds that may have involved dire poverty, domestic abuse, and early childhood trauma. This causes them to be "set" as emotionally stunted people who create false selves to cope with life.
@beverlyingram19 ай бұрын
My narcissistic mother grew up in the Depression. She was deprived and poor. Her father was violent and her uncle sexually abused her cousins. My sister and I are sure she was sexually abused too
@dougfox96499 ай бұрын
True, I have a sister in law,the youngest whom the mother in law babies and made excuses for all the time who is the most manipulative dramatic and professional victim I've ever met. I believe her mother spoiled her out of guilt .which i won't describe here.
@BambiOnIce19 Жыл бұрын
What amazes me about toxic people is their claim that they don’t like drama, but drama seems to follow them wherever they go. They essentially create chaos and drama but claim they never had anything to do about it. That blows me away.
@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын
You're on it. Narcissists are not known as self reflective.
@springBloomsinAwe2 ай бұрын
Especial Aly on dating sites. Drama free
@googlieking Жыл бұрын
If you are manipulative then you don't need anger! Narcists use anti-social behavior (glibness, hypocrisy, invalidation, alienation, triangulation, gaslighting and projection) to control others, it has a PTSD effect on their victims. The motive is the key, it is ok to get angry if someone is hurting others. A narcissist gets angry in protection of their ego.
@googlieking Жыл бұрын
@@AnnieGrace777 Yeah, They compete with their spouse, children and other family members for resources and attention, it is counter productive. They are weak and fearful the opposite of what God wants for us! The fact that you don't participate means you are strong!
@medicineman3344 Жыл бұрын
Yep. My older brother is all you said and when he ( over 55 yrs old ) does not get his way, he goes into revenge mode and will wait to get you back. I recently said NO to him about something....so I know he's cooking up a humiliation or a smear or something. He always does........he also never gives up ..if you say No he will still try and manipulate you to eventually give in ....he gets off on winning getting and taking...
@elcee7800 Жыл бұрын
Googlieking - You worded it perfectly: If you are manipulative then you don’t need anger. I’m finding most speakers are not coupling these two factors together. The manipulator uses control in such a stealth and skilled manner. It’s sinister. Psychological abuse makes one crazy enough to strike out in rage, not the other way around.
@danielaspitz3052 Жыл бұрын
I only found out two years ago I had CPTSD from my covert Narc mother and my Ex, who has exactly the same type of Narcissism, reactivated these feelings in me. So- a "man" who isn't able to handle his life and never had a real relationship at the age of 40, broke me to the point of wanting to end my life. All of this without anyone having a clue, totally invisibly. People who know him for 25 years only think the best of him.
@danielaspitz3052 Жыл бұрын
I don't agree on what you say regarding anger, though. I couldn't see it in my Ex when we were together, he was quite able to control himself. but thinking about situations after splitting up, I realised he is VERY angry. He gets like a certain type of look with his eyes, his body gets stiff or he bites his fingernails and the skin until it bled. Same with my vulnerable Ex
@fredhubbard7210 Жыл бұрын
I love Kati's take. When you understand how fragile narcissists are, you see them as they really are. When you see them as aggressive, powerful, and even evil, you give them power. When you see them as pathetic, and fragile... they will hate you with a passion because you see the part of them that they are desperately trying to hide. When you extend them compassion... they hate you as much as they hate the part themselves that they are desperate to hide.
@kimgordon3695 Жыл бұрын
"it would have been nice..." 🚩
@DigMinistries2911 Жыл бұрын
From my experience, seeing the narc for who they are is needed. However, narcissist aren't fragile. And calling them pathetic is what actually feeds them power, because now you (not you personally but in general) have become narcissistic by name calling and that gives them the legal right to see you (in general) as their equal. Meaning, you are just like them. God corrected me when in my hurt and anger I called them a name, and God stopped me and told me "You cannot become like them. Guard your tongue" Then again, this is my experience.
@fredhubbard7210 Жыл бұрын
@@DigMinistries2911 I did absolutely no "name calling" as you put it. Nor did I ever suggest name calling, I haven't spoken to the known narcs in my life in over eight years. One of them more than fifteen years. The remaining one, I speak to only through a lawyer as he is obstructing my mother's will. Narcissists are like frightened animals. They will bite and lash out at you at any and every opportunity. People with strength of character are not like that. Happy people are not like that. Only miserable, self loathing people do that. Why mess with them? Their inner demons will do more to them than you could even imagine. Why feed the flames? I am glad "God" corrected you... but really, there are plenty of people like myself that will tell you to just ghost them. Weird you felt the need to get "God" involved. I would have thought He had more important things on His mind.
@dubaiedge Жыл бұрын
@@fredhubbard7210 people read the weirdest things into comments sometimes 🤦. Great point about the n hating compassion, being fragile & pathetic. That underlies it all & is the thing to keep in mind. Sure, they can seem evil, bigger than life. They're just.... Transparently pathetic. Good luck with the will. I'll be in the exact same spot soon, not looking forward to it. Draining.
@DigMinistries2911 Жыл бұрын
@@fredhubbard7210 I’m absolutely sorry that happened to you. And I hope that issue with your mothers will get resolved fairly. Things like that can get messy please read my comment again. I had already pointed out that it wasn’t you personally who used name calling. And also, I used my personal experience. And from my personal experience, what you are describing are effects and symptoms of a victim of narcissistic abuse. Not a narcissist. What you are describing is the damage caused by a narcissist, or narcissistic person. Also, (from my experience) after a narcissist (or narcissistic person) inflects harm on another person (in my case, it was spiritual and mental) the victim becomes paranoid, untrusting, and they search for answers towards what they have experienced. Their emotional levels are unstable, and they aren’t able to properly express what they are feeling. They self gaslight (which will cause them to seem mentally unstable) after being gaslighted by the narcissist or narcissistic person. Depression settles in, isolation, anxiety and nervousness because they can’t stop thinking about the situation or incident that ultimately altered them. And usually, it’s to stop the destiny of the victim.
@lienlael3196 Жыл бұрын
Sociopaths and Narcissist are not the same thing. Evil intent is the key, and worse is when they pretend to be upright.
@susannakotoff7095 Жыл бұрын
especially when they claim to be christian and gaslight u with their projections and say theu have light of christ. Smh., never accountable and hide behind bible quotations
@patrickglaser1560 Жыл бұрын
@1WindyOldBird 🪶 most narcissists aren't all sociopaths are
@eph2vv89only1way Жыл бұрын
@@susannakotoff7095 yup. They are the ones who give bible believing Christians a bad name
@d1snuts Жыл бұрын
Sadistic nature yeah!!
@lienlael3196 Жыл бұрын
You will know them by their fruits. Words does not count, life does. We are living in confusing and troublesome times. Look at Christ, he died for sinners, not for the "righteous" for before God no one is righteous (Romans 3:23) but God can transform a life if we confess our sin and receive His grace.
@Stardusted1 Жыл бұрын
They turn other family members against you too. Lies, lies and half truths.
@amandagish5976 Жыл бұрын
Christmas 2022 we (cousins) had a holiday meal without narcissists (parents). We had a calm, civil, pleasant day (relief). That confirmed it wasn't me or us (cousins) and I realized I was ok and the parents WERE the ones with the problems, I'm so tired of hearing how I, or, we cousins cause all the issues. Leave out the narcissists and there's no issues!
@kateackerman4003 Жыл бұрын
Oh yes...I can relate. As sad as this is, it took several deaths (of the worst perpetrators) in the family to finally, after decades of chaos, dysfunction, and acrimony, restore a sense of peace and love amongst remaining members. Having fully recognized the source of discontent long before, we were all so thankful and grateful that we had that time, no matter the length of time we would have it.
@luvispro9 ай бұрын
I like to take pics of how sad it has and how happy I am now 😂🎉
@levierose4847 ай бұрын
Proverbs 17:1 - “Better is a dry morsel with quiet than a house full of feasting with strife.”
@dgvfsa66 Жыл бұрын
My mother always told me, "Watch out for the so-called pillars of society." They have the most to hide.
@hollandp9606 Жыл бұрын
Please do something on how narcissists affect kids in the short and long run. They really destroy their children’s lives and it takes years, even decades to deal with the effects.
@googlieking Жыл бұрын
I think they compete with their spouse, children and other family members for resources and attention, it is counter productive. They are weak and fearful the opposite of what God wants for us! The fact that you don't participate means you are strong!
@hollandp9606 Жыл бұрын
@@googlieking I’m not strong, that’s why I got myself into such a situation. It’s thanks to this site and others like it that I have become stronger. Information makes us stronger and that is why narcissists don’t want us seeing things like us. I feel sorry for those in the past and those now who were:are under the clutches of narcissism and don’t have access to such life changing information. For years I thought I was the one doing wrong when all along it was my partner who was destroying me and my daughter’s lives. Don’t be an enabler. Get out is all I can say.
@dominicmills2494 Жыл бұрын
Yes I agree that will be wonderful if that can happen
@ThisIsMe155 Жыл бұрын
Snap!! It took decades. 😢
@jude1987 Жыл бұрын
I need help for my grand daughter. She is bragging down and she's only 9. It's devastating
@rebeccaford51214 ай бұрын
Narcissist put up brick walls to protect their vulnerability, but the narcissist takes every opportunity to smear innocent victims!
@CandiceLawless-li4fd Жыл бұрын
Yes it's evil to me, when someone can act and say I love you, then turn around and act like your nobody to them. They never cared from the start. They can turn the emotions on and off whenever they feel. With no remorse. It's just all a game to them.
@montanagirl4530 Жыл бұрын
100% spot on. He can never say "I'm sorry".
@Feribrat99 Жыл бұрын
or it is "I'm sorry, BUT you .......fill in the blanks.
@desolatesoul23043 ай бұрын
They can say sorry, but when they revert to the same thing you bring up to them, and it keeps happening, then something ain’t right and their sorry isn’t real.
@Riversofwater365 Жыл бұрын
I would never take feedback from someone who I wouldn't turn to for advice. - Kati
@deborahnelson7907 Жыл бұрын
The first indication I have that someone is a narcissist is how they react when someone tells them, "No." That's when you realize their fury is just beneath the surface.
@michellehill718 Жыл бұрын
Indeed! And whenever we differentiate ourselves from the narcissists in any way. They are not interested in a person's uniqueness unless of course that uniqueness can be manipulated in a self-serving way shorrt or very long term. Dr. C has referred to it as the long con as well. I have found this to be true with some individuals and within some larger organizations and groups. You know it when you see it. Their patterns become increasingly clear and absolutely repetitive. Now we know and continue choosing heathier alternatives, including creating our own. 🦉🙂🙏
@Gneiss365 Жыл бұрын
You may not have cause to say "no" during the love-bombing, but there'll be some boundary they'll push. Even "not yet/now" gets an oddly disproportionate show of petulance or aggression. Also look for them telling you how honest/trustworthy they are, and the unsolicited advice about everything. Thats my trifecta of red flags now.
@andrewsmith3257 Жыл бұрын
@@Gneiss365 they are utterly demanding demons
@susanhill310011 ай бұрын
So true... 'Hell hath no fury like a narcissist scorned'... lol 😆 😂
@patriciawightman45619 ай бұрын
Yes. Their rage is always lurking waiting for an excuse to come out..
@carlanorris226 Жыл бұрын
I've known many narcissists, and I've always found it rather ironic that they invariably want to blare to the world that they're "*CONFIDENT,"* yet they crave constant praise and validation; they literally cannot get enough. On the other end of the spectrum, I've known a few (I can think of two, offhand) truly confident people, and they calmly did what they did, knowing they were excellent at it, enjoying the accolades when they came, but not demanding them.
@bob-hy1vk Жыл бұрын
True, I know one who spent hours going to several different stores trying to find the right party favors to impress the guests and ended up causing him and the 3 people in the car to be hours late for a 90 yr old relative's big birthday party and those trinkets didn't have the desired effect.
@heidithesausage Жыл бұрын
Condescending, contemptuous & manipulative, the narcissist in a nutshell .......... "I'm sorry that's what you think" "I'm sorry you feel like that" translates to "I'm sorry you think you can call me out & think that I even care enough to actually acknowledge I did anything wrong to you"
@MakeAmericagreatAgainEVH Жыл бұрын
👍heard those lines all the time
@RoseLacyLilly9 ай бұрын
Oouch!
@todddanforth88532 ай бұрын
I heard that from an Elder in a church I no longer attend, "I'm sorry you feel that way." This is utterly insulting to the person who has been hurt.
@nicselectronics81 Жыл бұрын
39 years wasted but thank God it's over and I'm free. Lot of unlearning to do.. the ego still creeps up on me almost 4 years into healing.
@katherineg9396 Жыл бұрын
I'm so happy for you!
@charlottemuller2233 Жыл бұрын
Glad for you!
@majestic-1 Жыл бұрын
39 years ? WOW! I made it 20 and thought I was going to die. don't see how you made it 39 years ? Bravo 👏 but I'm glad you got out 😊
@nicselectronics81 Жыл бұрын
@@majestic-1 thanks, it's all I knew, I didn't know what love wasn't. Now I see clearly 👀
@nolithandlazi7047 Жыл бұрын
It took 18 years for me 😢
@bevcourtney4777 Жыл бұрын
The 'walking on eggshells' feeling was something I felt from the start, but not knowing anything about narcissism, I didn't see it as a red flag. Turning it around...oh yeah, like telling me I "just chose to be hurt". There was so much more. Thanks Dr C for the chance to hear another view.
@doreendjamoe6922 Жыл бұрын
I feel you. I was so naive and thought everyone was healthy I was wrong.
@DebbieLee-dr3hr Жыл бұрын
Sometimes it takes a while before you can put your finger on what goes on. It may take a few months before you realize they are going to pounce
@monikamona6844 Жыл бұрын
Walking on eggshells, censoring yourself before youy say anything puts soo much stress, it's exhausting. I only realized it and connected the dots after I learned about narcissist disorder. I understood that whatever I say or do can be used against me, misinterpreted, used to hurt, cause seething remarks or lashing out. So I'm learning not to tale anything personally. I noticed the older the narcissist gets the more irritable they become with more frequent outbursts of nastiness.
@preparedsurvivalist2245 Жыл бұрын
He said a narcissist finds your faults and then camps out on them. So true. And the worst part about is they will try to draw out scenarios in which they can place you back ino that faulty version of yourself. And even if the alleged "faulty" behavior isn't that bad or entirely true, nor is the scenario they are now painting you into....it matters not. In their eyes they have proven that you are still the same old monster you have always been, and boy are they going to let you know about it!
@psychoholiday-ju1cp Жыл бұрын
Yep! It's called DARVO (it's such a common scenario for so many people's undeserved FRAMING that they have an acronym for it like that nowadays)
@Houseitch Жыл бұрын
Especially when you stand up to them, they’ll back down! Then black sheep roles switch around in the family dynamics. Be prepared to experience manipulation, lies, & more chaos & drama. They pit family members against each other & their off spring are bullies. They’re demons.
@michaelgoldberg7403 Жыл бұрын
Great line!!!
@bobbarker1798 Жыл бұрын
True.
@jackieflynt9957 ай бұрын
@@psychoholiday-ju1cp what does DARVO stand for?
@wallymarcel1 Жыл бұрын
Facebook would have died without narcissists.
@justice8563 Жыл бұрын
Their vindictiveness is pure sadistic and devastating because it affects so many aspects of your life. They want to harm, emotionally, physically, mentally and psychologically. It doesn’t matter who is in their way, they enjoy making you hyper-vigilant with fear everyday of your life.
@genevaross9897 Жыл бұрын
Youre preaching now! Abdolutely devastating to know you're/you've been sleeping with a demon.😢😮
@patriciawightman45619 ай бұрын
I totally believe what you say and if I stopped believing it I would fall right back into the trap. You are 100% correct!
@user-jb7pn9bm8w7 ай бұрын
I had NO IDEA 🤷♀️ when I married that there was ANYTHING LIKE THIS IN PEOPLE!!! Sadistic, cruel, vindictive, manipulations of every description and LIES THAT YOU NEVER SEE COMING!!! HOW??? HOW??? Do you purposely DESTROY the lives of the innocent people and children that are in Your orbit???!!! I plead with the Narcissist husband ; reasoned, encouraged;humbled to the point of nothing ingness my personal cares and opinion; I left for my mental health and came back to TRY: some MORE!! I was exhausted from never being able to do or be enough for him . Aarrgghh🤦♀️😖😭😳
@notthatvashti8127 Жыл бұрын
So informative. Fight, flight, freeze and fawn, wow the narcissists really do a number on our psyches! You need a dictionary just to keep up with all the responses that our nervous systems have to endure. Thanks Kati and Dr C.
@medicineman3344 Жыл бұрын
ForReal ! 😵💫
@Lilmommabear4 Жыл бұрын
For real and its hard and extremely draining!!
@notthatvashti8127 Жыл бұрын
@@Lilmommabear4 No doubt!
@carolsummers8734 Жыл бұрын
Not just emtional chaos, but physical aliments too. I was so often ill during the 30 years I was married to my narc husband. Now at 77. I have aliments that probably can be traced to my treatment by my ex.
@Feribrat99 Жыл бұрын
It triggered my auto immune thing -- it runs in the family but got to me 13 years ago. sucks big time
@andrewsmith3257 Жыл бұрын
Yeah exactly. Chronic stress can seriously affect your health. Heart disease is the number 1 cause of mortality globally
@turtleanton6539 Жыл бұрын
Yes ofc
@leanne123 Жыл бұрын
The emotional pain resulted in my alcoholism and Chrones Disease.
@shirleyfrost99098 ай бұрын
I believe you. And I'm still recovering from my narc mother. Its horrible what the do to our mind and body. Stay strong.
@hopeinhumanity. Жыл бұрын
If you pay attention you will notice the subtle signs of rage brewing and simmering in the clenching of their jaw muscles, the tension you begin to feel in your body due to the constant tension they carry within, the contemptuous facial expressions and expressions. If you question your sanity,intuition and begin to believe you’re the disordered one a good read is Emotional Contagion. If you’re around them for long periods of time, you will become like them, live an unlived morally deficient low quality life. The walking on eggshells is the damned if you do and damned if you don’t. If you feel despair, dread, existential hopelessness and growth is non- existent, there’s a good probability that you are around a disordered person(s).
@Feribrat99 Жыл бұрын
sucks when it feels normal since you grew up with all that too. Nope it is NOT normal.
@Soothsayer937 Жыл бұрын
Dread is a great indicator.
@Kathleensophiacitrine888 Жыл бұрын
So spot on.
@Secretgeek2012 Жыл бұрын
I have become hyper aware of those signs, the jaw clench, the thinning of the lips, the slight widening of the eyes and drop in blinking frequency combined with the increasing time looking directly at you, the slight change in tone... Etc All of these are precursors and sometimes I can do or say something to steer the situation away from the cliff... And sometimes I can't.
@cherylreneblue582 Жыл бұрын
I got the book tanks for the recommendation excellent
@concernedgranny7956 Жыл бұрын
I married someone who is a narcissist. He’s so super unhappy and focused on the negative. I’m going to take a break this summer - get away for a few weeks to reconnect to my happy place. He’s a lot better when I distance and don’t expect much. I’ve accepted that the kind, authentic love story I wanted is not going to happen.
@Feribrat99 Жыл бұрын
good for you. do it as often as possible, I am working on doing more of that myself. been hard to plan any of that the last 3 years for some darn reason, Hmm.
@flightmama3191 Жыл бұрын
Magnificent gratitude 4 Ur sharing bravery 💕 I'm in the same boat and boy oh boy I need a Big break NOW ❣️
@Find-Your-Bliss- Жыл бұрын
Not with him it will not. Still a choice.
@ridgecrestvarietyshow7324 Жыл бұрын
To Concerned G. Your comment about distancing and lowering your expectations spoke volumes to me. I've realized how much these two simple actions have helped me deal with my narc partner of 10 yrs. And that 'happy place' is the calm cove I return, to escape the high seas storms. Thanks to Dr. C. and good luck to you.
@jerseygirl4623 Жыл бұрын
Totally understand. But divorce him and get another one❤ who deeply loves you.
@karabrodsky2852 Жыл бұрын
The dysfunction comes out when there is conflict. Yes, so true with saying that. 👏
@AdrienneJung.M Жыл бұрын
Yes! Suddenly you go from being an extension of them to joining every other “low value person” conspiring to keep them down. You are “not on their side” as soon as you have a separate opinion
@majestic.feminine Жыл бұрын
The nastiest trauma appears to come from the fact that covert narcissists consciously hide their very bad behaviour. Dis-regulated RAGES and CONTROL issues. They know it! But they don't know how they have a character issue and how damaging it is to people around them. These people need to learn and change.. somehow ..but the first line of defence is getting to outsmart them. Thanks for the session. Will check your books out. :)
@ladyluck5248 Жыл бұрын
I had to go no contact. It is my father. His last words to me was he hates me. My brothers hate me and the world hates me so I should go home and take myself out of it because I am such a f up.
@majestic.feminine Жыл бұрын
@@ladyluck5248 I am in no contact, but they still maintain their false reality and then twist it around to incorporate my ´no contact.´ I didn't show up to my father's funeral. Why? Because of the narcissists that staged it. So how did they respond? Gaslighting me. Like nothing happened. ait was unpredictably predictable. And I was worried about my impact on them? I definitely will not live in this manner. It's a fantasy. It's so immature. I can only laugh at it. It really is hilarious. We simply can't take their fake lifestyle seriously. I go to the gym and I love myself. They hate themselves, are miserable & have no idea how sick that can make them. Cancer, ulcers, lack of sleep, victimhood. Who knows what they can experience. Forget it. Not in my life :)
@ladyluck5248 Жыл бұрын
@@majestic.feminine I completely agree. My brother came at me with some horrid texts that he denies sending me at my fathers wedding. I told him that since he never gave me the benefit of a discussion, he has lost the right to EVER speak to me again. I awoke the next day to texts accusing me of each and every single family problem since our mother died 37 years ago : including his DUI’s. It laughable. I’m done.
@andrewsmith3257 Жыл бұрын
No contact
@l.t.2356 Жыл бұрын
Thank you, Dr. Carter, for having Kati as a guest on your program. She is such a pleasant lady. It was a joy listening to your interaction with her. As usual, each of your videos deepens my understanding of narcissism and is helping me greatly as I try to heal from extreme abuse from my narcissistic husband. Thank you, Dr. Carter for all you are doing to help us heal. You are an absolute treasure. Lu
@majestic.feminine Жыл бұрын
Dr C is an amazing individual. What he has taken on is one of the hardest of challenges.. to deal with an incurable personality disorder that creates so much negativity & disregulated havoc on planet! An award is due.
@World-Sojourner.22 Жыл бұрын
Me too!
@oilselevated4808 Жыл бұрын
When I truly realized what he was, I saw a monster. 32 years , culminating in me taking care of him during what was the last 4 months of his life. That was a year ago,but right before he died, he felt the need to “come clean” about his side trash in another city….what a legacy to leave for the family, so painful and destructive. For anyone on the fence about leaving, you deserve to be with people who give you peace and love. Being alone is sooooooo much better, no insults, lying, humiliation, my every move narrated, …no more and from now on, it’s all about me
@edgreen81402 ай бұрын
When you feel empty you create drama.
@saraG100 Жыл бұрын
The 2 of you are absolutely the best. Describes my 26 year marriage exactly. Thanks to my therapist (YOU go get thearpy...says the narc. Best idea ever.); joining a womens chorus; and your videos, I'm thriving with a new (5 years) hubby. It's sad but I felt like he was going to drown with or without my "help" and I had just enough energy to swim to shore.
@innerauthority Жыл бұрын
It's wild when it finally hits you that you've been working for a person who fits on the higher end of the narcissistic spectrum, and all the pieces start coming together, all the little moments where you felt something was off....and you finally get it. Their facade was extremely convincing. But I see it now....nothing but a house of cards. I have quit my position and will now embrace freedom and health. Thank you both ❤
@jellybean6778 Жыл бұрын
Excellent. Having come from that toxic environment myself, I wholeheartedly embrace your freedom. It is completely liberating when you are out from under their thumbs.
@innerauthority Жыл бұрын
@@jellybean6778 thank you so much
@Clevelandsteamer324 Жыл бұрын
Most companies are run by them
@fsr1391 Жыл бұрын
Thank you both for spreading the word about this awful mental condition called narcissism.. It took me 20 years to realize that one of my daughter-in-laws is a narcissist. She has ruined my son, is still working on ruining my relationship with my grandchildren. She spews poison throughout my family. While I was trying to figure out “what was wrong”, I began to read and came across descriptions of narcissists. My son is now miserable and irritable. He has become like her and gaslights me on a dime. He denies everything. Her parents and sister are also her partners in crime. My boundary is that I don’t go to their home anymore. That’s a great relief for me. I turn my phone off because I don’t want to hear from my son, for now anyway. I’m retired and go out each day and make it my goal each day to live a good life and love the other grandkids in my life. Walk a lot to combat the depression. Enjoy each day by treating yourself and others well and with kindness. Thank you again for spreading knowledge about NPD.
@jo-ann20144 ай бұрын
I admire you. So wise and honourable.
@mthomas3547 Жыл бұрын
My intention for today is: Be healthy for my own sake!
@nathanbedford9178 Жыл бұрын
What Kati says explains the memory gaps I have and that my kids have over the last 20 years.
@noreenebostick9593 Жыл бұрын
The best thing in life is when narcissists makes you stronger, wiser and better. Being able to be grateful and thankful dealing and coping with narcissists shows how the enemy is weak and messed up at their own games. I am 65 years, eleven months and 26 days as of my comments. Watching them self-destruct is an atrocity to witness. Having love, compassion, and resources left is proof how staying ahead of the narcissist bullshit. Taking care of myself keeping it seriously simple aka KISS is the best advice. Thank for reading my comments. Smiles
@DebbieLee-dr3hr Жыл бұрын
😊😊 thanks for the positive message. True sign of healing
@emmamacgregor731 Жыл бұрын
Two wonderful people making the world a better place. Thank you, both, for all you do!!!
@normalozano9719 Жыл бұрын
I have a narcissist mother and I try to keep my visits with her as short as possible and I find out later through other family members that she complains about what short of a visit it was. I hate going by myself, it's so awkward there's really nothing much to talk about. I've been hurt by her so many times that I have nothing I wanna share with her in regards to my personal life.
@maxinedavieds61048 ай бұрын
Sadly ,if you stayed longer, she would complain about something else. They can’t be pleased.
@lonilonelony84198 ай бұрын
Me too. 😔 I had to go no contact because I got to the point that her crushing abuse was making me sick. I had to choose my life. She still won’t leave me alone though. Flying monkeys-I’ve blocked my phone, e-mail, etc. I got a PO Box so she wouldn’t know where I live but she somehow found out. Now she leaves stuff on my doorstep gaslighting me, and letting me know that she knows where I live. It’s awful - I’m thinking about moving out of state. If I’m as awful as she tells everyone I am (telling people I’m “sick” at my brother’s memorial) then why doesn’t she just stay away!
@rebeccawoolfolk5377 Жыл бұрын
Another great interview. I can testify to the thing she said at the beginning where you may not see the narcissist for what they are until you say 'no.' (At least that's what I think she said.) My sisters and I are all in our 50s and 60s, and when my therapist first said "they sound like narcissists," I disagreed. It's only as the events that triggered my saying 'no' to them unfolded (involving my mom's estate) and as I learned more about narcissism that I've come to firmly believe my therapist was right. It's hard not to feel stupid for not seeing the signs much earlier. Of course, I'm not trained in psychology, so ... I did know on some level that saying 'no' would lead to a god-awful struggle. I'm pretty non-confrontational, so I just gave in a lot. I finally found something I wanted to stand my ground on, and, wow!, the lies, the smears, the over-the-top cruelty. How did I not see this before?
@jordanferguson2254 Жыл бұрын
I think it's important to stay open minded to the idea that the people closest to us could betray us. So to not only be your own protector and be a vigilant person in general, but if someone warns you, not to immediately say no and close the matter. You could test it out. Research. Observe and look out for signs. Then decide for yourself. This is why so many people don't end up believing victims.
@happ-hobby Жыл бұрын
Wow! You had a therapist who was informed about narcissism. You are fortunate to have had a therapist who could see what was really happening. More often therapists don't see it, unless you go to someone who specializes in narc or trauma based therapy. You lucked out on that one!
@Soothsayer937 Жыл бұрын
Also, narcissism is closely tied with co-dependency, and it's tough to untangle that web. Sounds like you could be co-dependent, if you have always caved to previous demands or been unassuming in other affairs. ❤
@Soothsayer937 Жыл бұрын
@@happ-hobby Getting the family dynamic pinpointed should be higher on a therapist's list. I shouldn't be diagnosing my own co-dependency at 51, having never gotten in front of the right therapist.
@happ-hobby Жыл бұрын
@@Soothsayer937 Exactly!
@billiefitzgerald8338 Жыл бұрын
Oh my gosh! "Sure I did something, but now you're yelling at me, so I'm the victim." EVERY. TIME. I would always get so flustered by this because I wanted us both to have our concerns heard and I kept saying stuff like, "I brought up my concerns so I would like to talk about them." And then, "So, because you're the only one who complains, you're the only one who gets to talk." I totally bought into it and it (and tons of other stuff) had me feeling pretty bad about my behavior. I gave up trying to work through our conflicts and he thought the relationship changed so much for the better, but I was one foot out of the door.
@deedeebowers2002 Жыл бұрын
What my ex would say! 28 years. I am free now.
@billiefitzgerald833811 ай бұрын
@@judy6939 How DARE you have feelings? So weak. I hope you sense the loads of sarcasm here. That feels so manipulative and I hope you know that you have every right to your feelings. I guess we all need to think about how to express them, but no one can do it perfectly, especially if the other person won't even attempt to engage.
@Miniver76511 ай бұрын
It's called reactive abuse. The narc does or says something to deliberately provoke an emotional reaction from you, and then vilifies you for having a reaction.
@itm4173 Жыл бұрын
I love the work of today's guest, Kati Morgan. Listened to her since she first began presenting on KZfaq. Dr. C., so glad you brought her aboard today. Thumbs up!! :)
@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын
I really enjoyed our conversation!
@Feribrat99 Жыл бұрын
I just subbed on to her channel, yep, a fresh voice to me is always welcome dealing with this stuff. Healing but can always use new tools and thinking.
@SurferJoe1 Жыл бұрын
Same here.
@michelepascoe6068 Жыл бұрын
Thanks for explaining the fawning response of the adult child of a narcissist who has tried other responses and is desperate to do it right and avoid being hurt again, and in so doing, strengthens the trauma bond. Appealing to truth was my crime. False hope and assumptions like "all mothers love their children" and "everyone wants a happy family" kept me stuck.
@susanmcmahon4733 Жыл бұрын
BRILLIANT PODCAST really ENJOYED IT, was married to a narcissist for 28yrs and ABUSE WAS HORRIFIC, divorced now and live in PEACE.
@dasexione41 Жыл бұрын
I recently went no contact with a covert narcissist and have experience everything you guys are talking about. I'm still feeling confused and feeling guilty . I am an empath and I did see his sadness that's what kept me with him for 16yrs
@alexpopowski1318 Жыл бұрын
I fell for the bait and got sucked into the chaos. I found myself acting way out of character and the only way to stop that was to get away. I’d never behaved so out of character and she nearly had me convinced that was just how I am. I had to ask my ex girlfriends if I’m that person. I am not. I asked her ex who she said was lovely and on good terms with if she was that person. She is. Get out, it’s the only way. Good luck x
@Amber-mb4qi Жыл бұрын
This is so spot on, I told my ex narc that we both had past wounds we needed to heal so we could be better for each other. Two days later he had blocked me and was in a new relationship, 2 weeks later engaged and within a month of our break-up he was married. I remember one of the last things he said to me was “are you sure you want to do this” I remember it sounding so cruel and calculated.
@rebeccablakey2637 Жыл бұрын
After my family experienced a smear campaign, Narcissists rage , threats and then a hard discard we definitely knew we meet a narcissist. This was a definite life lesson and we enjoyed no contact. I have definitely been educating myself about this toxic personality so we don't ever repeat this mistake again. Thank for this discussion as I feel better knowing that my family isn't alone.
@sandracaezza7234 Жыл бұрын
Thank you for the self preservation comment. I’m looking for my voice and mostly realize what had happen to me over 24 yrs. Last fall I stopped being his supply. I saw no joy in him, I was sick of isolation and no comments on our lives together. Thank you for this knowledge. I found his social media & knew I was on the right path to make him leave.
@SnarkasticSunny Жыл бұрын
I am right behind you. Just came into the "sick-ofs"
@susanq6398 Жыл бұрын
Me too. At a certain point the life you are trying so hard to hold together just doesn’t seem worth all the stress and unhappiness
@Feribrat99 Жыл бұрын
46 years plus childhood with 4 of them in my family and a pervert uncle, I think I hit the jackpot....covert victim husband 46 years... just a huge pattern to shift out of. I am actually doing good now though not out of it, but 12 years ago got to go down the black hole of realization ... what a trip.
@nancytwigg4631 Жыл бұрын
Super chat between our good Dr. C and guest Kati Morton! Golden nuggets and advice. I was encouraged to take my "Breath IN! ", knowing my 'wise mind' from my 'emotional mind,' and an atta-girl toward staying my resilient self. We can become chaos-free!!! We deserve the love we gave, the self that was discarded. We are not trash.
@SnarkasticSunny Жыл бұрын
Amen to thst!
@sandracaezza7234 Жыл бұрын
Very authentic comment. We the empaths are authentic people. We loose so much of the reality that we build over time. The narc comes in and poof ,what happens ? It is our right to get back to what we had.
@medicineman3344 Жыл бұрын
Yep 👍☺️
@barbpace-lamb Жыл бұрын
I refer to narc abuse as spiritual rape
@annadonahue4119 Жыл бұрын
Wow 🤔 I'm going to hold onto your definition for future thought
@juliettailor1616 Жыл бұрын
That's exactly what I told him.
@patrickbradley7360 Жыл бұрын
Great quote. i always think of the narcissist as one of those medieval torturers.
@googlieking Жыл бұрын
If you let a narcissist control your thoughts you are not spiritual.
@Soothsayer937 Жыл бұрын
One of the formal definitions of rape is "a violation." Yes, lies, manipulation, deceit are forms of rape. In fact, the criminal justice system is beginning to recognize it as a form of sexual assault.
@fumarate1 Жыл бұрын
I hate Narcs there alway dificult to get along with you can't even have a simple conversation and express your opinion with them before you know it,it turns into an explosive rage.
@Jen-zz7nv Жыл бұрын
Really like how Kati is so matter of fact about why a narcissist acts the way they do. It doesn't really give you a chance to get emotional about it and then give ways that you can handle yourself with that person. Dr. C does that as well, its just a different style and hearing them both together is like receiving new, amazing tools in the toolbox for the next time this situation pops up. Great interview!
@ThePancakeJedi Жыл бұрын
Having learned the truth, now comes another challenging part of the healing: Identity. Cleary it was stolen from us. Who do 'we' choose to be now that we are finally free?
@margaretvaughan138111 ай бұрын
Kati us so right about rage, shane and jealousy. The problem is always when people can't admit they're in pain and continue to make you suffer. If we get the opportunity to get some life history from them in most cases there is trauma, and feelings of shame. ❤️😄
@luffypupperstien2706 Жыл бұрын
Dread. We feel lots of dread. Walking on egg shells while forced to wear a heavy wet stinky coat and smile while convincingly saying Your amazing! Im so lucky.
@sthomas4634 Жыл бұрын
Limiting the amount of time I spend with the narc is a great idea. It will reduce my daily exposure and allow me to feel more in control of me and my time. Thank you for the video!
@amandaliverpool3374 Жыл бұрын
Makes good sense ❤
@michelleplaskoff9920 Жыл бұрын
The sadistic nature was very disturbing ...He hated to see me happy and did everything in his power to distress me and enjoyed my pain....it was very sick
@schizorap Жыл бұрын
It is sadistic
@susies8834 Жыл бұрын
Me too- every happy moment I had was immediately shot down with creepy, weird, illogical actions
@BobTheSchipperke Жыл бұрын
"They just broke the rules." Spot on. You can't be authentic with a narcissist.
@bellabarro6881 Жыл бұрын
Thank you, Dr. C, Kati is so down to earth, as you are, and sincere in her communication. I've been with a narc spouse for 47 years and stay as far away as I can most of the day, to rejuvenate myself. Many years ago, he said something that he had heard from a co-worker, and he enjoyed it so much that he has repeated it often to me..." when you find a good horse, you ride him". He expects me to do everything at home, but complains to others that I am controlling. I am actually laughing as I write this. Another phrase he he is always saying to everyone after a goodbye or at the end of a phone conversation is..." Ok, you're in control ". He fits the narc bill precisely, and I the trauma bonded individual. But I have learned so much from you, I am growing exponentially. Thank you so much.
@CL-lo4wd Жыл бұрын
I love the analogy of the narcissist as a Faberge egg! Brilliant!
@FreeRangeLunatic Жыл бұрын
I will never forget one of the first times my covert said something that was referencing his causes. But before I discovered he was a narc. He said " I don't like to be told 'no'". I said "no one likes to hear 'no'. In my career I hear 20 'no's' to any one 'yes'. Grow up and take the adult path when a no is given to you! "
@kathyprescott4292Ай бұрын
I reached a point where it felt less like walking on eggshells and more like walking through a minefield! I never knew what was going to make him go off on me. It was pure insanity!
@peat_dont_repeat Жыл бұрын
What ever they think in the moment is what's best and the whole time they scheming to get what they want no matter what. The victims become lonely and get accused of being who they are. Generalizing can become an issue.
@medicineman3344 Жыл бұрын
You are describing some of my older siblings and my spouse my biggest problem is I feel empathy for their childhood trauma ....
@teresev1435 Жыл бұрын
Excellent content ❤ "I will never accept feedback from someone I wouldn't go to for advice." Thank you!🙌🏻
@akai.christo Жыл бұрын
Thank you to both of you and the whole Team!! ♥️🙏🔥 Yes, it is extremely difficult to rebuilt ourselves, but not impossible... that's the challenge!! Sending you and everybody lots of positive vibes and strength!! Have a wonderful day!! 💪🙂👍
@bronwynsimons70289 ай бұрын
Before I discovered narcissm, in March of this year(2023) I always thought my narc husband was very confident, contrary to the fact that he actually isn't ... deep down He always excels at what he does, and he works alot. He is an amazing provider So i often doubt that he even is a covert narc, that's why I keep subscribing to so many different channels, cos i almost want to double confirm or alleviate the fact that he even is a narc But the evidence is overwhelming, on every channel. Breaks my heart, that there is nothing I can do, now that I know what i know This matter is hopeless My only option is to get out And that is not even easy to do. To pack up a lifetime and simply move on This has been a really long hard road😢
@monikamona6844 Жыл бұрын
This will save you a lot of pain: Realise they have no empathy. Don't take anything they say personally. They shoot at you nasty remarks, they are passive aggressive, they lash out not because of you. Disengage. Don't try to clarify nor seek justice with them
@whitecrane94339 ай бұрын
Good advice and reminders. Never give up on yourself, your growth and healing🙌
@OneWhoKnowz Жыл бұрын
Gaslighting is the denial of someone’s reality and will lie and manipulate to keep shame away ❤
@DartmoorPaul Жыл бұрын
Oh my. It was like listening to you talk about my mum. She’s 85 now and her rage, manipulation and pretending to be the victim after emotionally abusing me is getting worse 😢 I’m 55 & in therapy & Dr C & Kati are a huge part of that. Thank you both ❤😊
@Feribrat99 Жыл бұрын
mine finally died and set me free two years ago, 97, I am 67 and was the scapegoat truth teller in the family, LOL, you can probably guess how well that went, LOL. Not wishing her death but your speedy delivery from persecution. My sibs were all narcs. wonderful childhood..... oh yes.
@francesbernard2445 Жыл бұрын
What an eye opener it is when visiting a relative in a nursing home where there is lots of other people like what you describe now living with her under the same roof. I better keep on going to some sort of therapy so I remain a trauma survivor instead of becoming one of them or while not taking care of myself properly because of co-dependence then I end up in a nursing home for a long time too.
@andrewsmith3257 Жыл бұрын
My grandma was a Narcissist but not a demon like most. She lived very long to the age of 92. Have you noticed that narcissists live forever?
@karenlaos58497 ай бұрын
I was in a narcissist abusive relationship in high school with my first boyfriend who was also physically abusive and financially abusive to me. I am shocked that i did not know, even after many relationships, that this was not normal. Its a later in life shock for me. Thank you for discussing this and letting others gain knowledge of these horrible people that we dont need in our lives!
@Alice-fr1ef Жыл бұрын
Hello from California Dr. Carter, Kati Morton, Gus and the Team Healthy Community. They love to keep you off balance and lips move, they lie. They live to destroy you and anything you care about. You are so right that one will lose themselves in a relationship with a Narcissist. I believe that as soon as you detect that they have problems get out of that relationship as soon as you can. Thank you for a great session with Kati Morton. I so much enjoyed this and learned so much more Dr. Carter. Thanks so much.
@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын
Thanks, Alice!
@oilselevated4808 Жыл бұрын
The worst thing you can’t get back is time. Looking back, 32 years of abusive marriage, what a waste of my time. Sadly he passed away a year ago, I’m still dealing with the painful experience, but I’m slowly healing and I remind myself daily, he can’t hurt me anymore
@infiniteleizure5826 Жыл бұрын
Kati, thanks for explaining the root of narcissism. I watch this channel a lot!
@janajakub92683 ай бұрын
The "family dance"...WOW, that hits home.
@desolatesoul23043 ай бұрын
I absolutely love Kati’s point of view and how she articulates the why and the hows of this deadly destroying disease.
@reneemishel Жыл бұрын
Omg! What I can't deal with is my malignant narcissist husband whom I am currently separated from, is literally talking like me, using all my words(expressed frustrations/hurt/feelings etc) back at/to me? And to everyone else around. Then goes to the extreme of arguing, that they are his words, feelings etc and I'm crazy, I'm delusional, told keep lying to myself etc I called him out on it, telling him it was down right creepy! (How can others not see this?)Talk about a mind twist. I just don't understand this twisted behavior at all. How could any adult even feel comfortable outright acting this way.
@MC-fw5vt Жыл бұрын
Just stop all unnecessary communication. Don't engage. For ANY reason. Advice from experience.
@sahdogwrangler5594 Жыл бұрын
What a pleasure it was to listen to this conversation. Together you hit on exactly what I'v dealt with for 33 years & where my therapy is now focused: on myself & my needs after my whole adult life was spent in chaos that my narcissist created. I'm always learning & growing & this was very affirming to hear, thank you!
@cherylnathanodette Жыл бұрын
A wonderful insight again into the tortured mind or should I say soul of a narcissist. It must be so debilitating for them to have no real emotion other than angry and angrier. Thank you both for the super video.
@annewrites...83857 ай бұрын
Dr C, I am watching this video for a second time in preparation for my daughter's wedding where I'll be up to my armpits in narcissists and their unresolved chaos. While listening and making notes on how the shame and immaturity of family members could catch me out, I suddenly realised I am more likeable than any of them, I look younger than most of them, and I am better educated than ALL of them. I never thought to consider what they might be jealous of... I am definitely going to trigger them when I lead her down the aisle. Thank you, Kati for your work, and for your 'spoons' and 'breath-in' strategies.
@janajakub92683 ай бұрын
Thank you, Kati Morton, for a way to speak about narcissism that I can really wrap my head around.
@justdenise8847 Жыл бұрын
I wish more on narc friends were mentioned too. I see a lot with relationships.
@nc7328 ай бұрын
I listen to this and its my life. I spent 12 years with my wife and until recently, had no idea that i was in a relationship with a narcissist. I always knew she started trouble and was controlling. It wasn't as noticeable when i worked and it was just me that she controlled. But when we had a son, cleaning services, a babysitter, she got a job, and i went back for my MBA. She couldn't keep up with controlling everyone. To keep a close watch, she gave up bathing and caring for herself. She didn't even leave the home anymore. She said that she was the only one doing everything and she couldn't take care of herself bc she's keeping it altogether and no one helps her. You'd be surprised how they can kick up arguments out of no where and circulate the conversation. The issue for me was that i couldn't participate anymore. I had coursework, a job, and a son who i spent lots of time with. I spent much time with him to offset the control she put on him. Basically, i tuned her out and didn't listen anymore. She started slandering me to anyone who would listen to her. She said i was cheating, using drugs, dealing drugs, manipulating her, beating her, and stealing. When i found out, i went totally silent. She started showering, looking pretty, cooking again, cozying up to me. I wasnt having it unless serious change occurred. She went to the store, i was sitting at the kitchen table on my laptop, 2 police officers knocked on my door, and removed me from my home. My home, the one i bought 2 years before i married her.
@ann_hey70278 ай бұрын
Dont understand why you were removed. With what right? Which proves?
@nc7328 ай бұрын
@@ann_hey7027 there was nothing. No domestic violence. Nothing. She filed a police report saying harassment with a history of past domestic violence. It was all fabricated. The police, the lawyers, judge all knew. 10k later, it was dismissed yesterday.
@nc7328 ай бұрын
@@ann_hey7027 i left with 50% custody. She will have to leave my home 1/15/24
@narayanstar7787 Жыл бұрын
The point about manipulation and exploitation hits home with me : I think that's the most painful part. I mistakenly confronted my narcissistic mother for the first time in my life. It wasn't worth it,I never should have bothered. It was bad enough that she denied my feelings and didn't want to listen to me ; but she also sent my siblings after me as flying monkeys!! To this day they believe I verbally abused her " that one time" I dared to speak up for myself. My siblings believed her ,and shouted me down!!
@michelleplaskoff9920 Жыл бұрын
He used to punch himself in the head.. when he raged .and I remember thinking Omg what did I get into..this man is very sick..I'm still traumatized by the abuse
@TracyStoltz Жыл бұрын
Spot on! Everything they are feeling, they push onto you.
@BambiOnIce19 Жыл бұрын
I think shame plays a huge part in the narcissistic person’s life. I was unlucky enough to fall in love a man who is deeply narcissistic, and in hit me in the end how ashamed he was, and how much he was projecting his shame onto me. He essentially hid me from all of his family members, his friends, refused to acknowledge me for years. I told him in the end that I don’t need his shame, and have promptly cut him out of my life. I don’t know how he’ll deal with this rejection now, but I honestly can’t say I’m concerned about him because he did his best to destroy everything about me. I’m essentially done with him.
@todddanforth88532 ай бұрын
Having grown up with borderline and narcissistic family member, I never saw modeling of conflict resolution. I still have a terrible time with conflict -- I usually leave the situation rather than staying in an unregulated state.
@kristineh4803 Жыл бұрын
Thank you. This gives me so much validation. You have described my ex boyfriend perfectly. It didn’t work because he didn’t want to work on his faults and always pointed out mine to the point I had no will to live. Narcissistic abuse is life threatening … and this is brilliant to explain the experience
@yanetrodriguezcruz36092 ай бұрын
If they are thief or wants to talk to you about whatever they want you need to engage with them that's a key for success and failure. Those are the party of the abuse. They have so much fun beating and joking.
@bethtaylor9773 Жыл бұрын
The least contact, the better off I am. I can pray for her - the less resentment about her verbal abuse, etc. I also pray for me, and then the awareness of Jesus's love for me reassures me that my sister's behavior doesn't have any real power over me unless I allow it to. I just do whatever I'd do anyway without all that mess. It helps me also to think, "If this person were ok, what would they want for me?" - then act accordingly.
@eileenmorrison1426 Жыл бұрын
That’s one way to discover if s/he is a narcissist: set some expectations such as reciprocity. If s/he balks, then you have a narc.
@ryanmaus89247 ай бұрын
AMAZING TALK ! thank you. Ive been experiancing narcissistic abuse in my marriage for 12 years, 4 yeara ago i became aware of what was happening to me and ive studied these personalities for the last 4 years so thoroughly. This conversation describes it so well. Thank you :')
@rosemcewin6025 Жыл бұрын
I agree! My recent love did the passive aggressive apology for hurting my feelings by saying “I am sorry you feel that way”
@justdenise8847 Жыл бұрын
Omgosh I had 2 saying that 2 me at same time and I was like my feelings are valid!! I fought back but it only showed me more how uncaring and selfish they are!
@CL-lo4wd Жыл бұрын
I’m really grateful for this dialogue between both of you! So helpful. It’s allowing me to recharge my batteries, so to speak, after a brutal week (and it’s only Tuesday) dealing with narcissists.
@mariamassey5468 Жыл бұрын
Kati is the best guest Dr C has ever had co-host with him❤❤❤
@fred.k9875 Жыл бұрын
In team healthy our goal is to see our imperfections and be healthy about it!
@bevcourtney4777 Жыл бұрын
I love the idea of 'wise mind/emotional mind'. Thank you Kati.
@Ford98270 Жыл бұрын
My Narc FIL - Whenever we (his son& family) took a vacation or long weekend. We would let him know we were out of town. During that time, something would happen that would result in a call or text from FIL. Often easy resolution. No need for us to be involved. We began to not notify. The result - no more calls during our time away. The bad result, not sharing our experiences.