YESS!! Omg ...every time! 😫

Omg yes!!!!! We even fight over that! He'll say why are you yelling at me? I have to say are you kidding me right now...ugh so frustrating

My sister does the opposite: she yells louder and louder, so that if I try to respond to her or answer her questions, I have to shout to be heard at all...then she says, "I don't know why you're yelling at me! You're getting so emotional!" When I bring my volume down to speak calmly, she mocks me and says, "You don't have to act so hurt and be so sensitive." I truly can't win with her.

Got a husband like that. Never projects his voice, almost swallows his conversation as he speaks it quietly. So irritatingly ignorant. It's almost like he's thinking out loud but not loud enough for you to hear I wouldn't care he's stone deaf in one ear so he will be more than aware of the problems of not being able to hear. Another one is that they're often very general and unfocussed about stuff, not giving enough specific detail. When you begin to grill or cross-examine them to get a better understanding of the parameters of what they're talking about in a specific way they get annoyed because they see it as you trying to pin them down aggressively. You're not, you're just wanting them to be specific so you both know what you're actually talking about.... but then there's no wriggle room in specifics is there? LOL

@@jewelsbarbie .

Unfortunately, you're right. Dr. C

It's called gaslighting

Crazymaking: Drive you crazy, then call you crazy.

When they completely break you down, they achieve the epitome of control and calm and smirk at you for “being out of control and crazy” THAT, my friends, is ABUSE

BTDT. Except instead of being a jerk, I cried and was told I was crazy. Yep. For listening to that.

Dennis Nowland exactly correct. They want to STEAL YOUR JOY FOR THE DAY.

Wish I could show them the door. A roommate, nasty...

It is disturbing that they operate from the position of causing friction in your soul. Most of us would just like peace and understanding when life gets complicated. And someone to encourage you along the way. No wonder most people with empathy just want them out of their lives.

@@USNBLUE Don't make it about yourself dear, after all, what they want is to inflate their fragile ego, by putting you (anyone really) down or by being able to play with your emotions, or by controlling your life.. It's only about them.

Phoenix Rising this is true however it becomes about me when it affects me and I protect myself. It's called self love.

Good one... lol

Toni Spaulding lmfao that was good

LOL

And when they are out of gas: Q: How many narcissists to change a light bulb? A: One - to hold the bulb steady and wait for everything to revolve around him.

Good one

A thousand times - Yes! You finally WAKE UP.

Exactly

hope is a dangerous emotion if invested in the wrong people or things.

It is the best way! You get the results you want. No stressful interactions, a better state of mind for you, and the real kicker; a state of utter frustration for the narc!

Sometimes that is not always possible.

I have limited contact..my dad is a covert, but for my son's sake I am seeing him on christmas day ..binge watching Dr Les to get me through the day .

I found no contact the best way.

No doubt if you want to keep you'r sanity! 🤓👍

Quiche Lorraine That’s so funny and true ! He wanted to know when the mail man came ?! I was like what difference does that make. While he was asking 20 questions ,I grabbed my phone and texted my daughter if she could go to the mailbox and put a bill in there . He was waste my time arguing with me than he see our daughter going for me he gets mad and say “ I said I would go “. I said when ,when did you say you would go . He was sitting in his butt playing video games like a child!! When he asked what time the mailman came that meant he would go that’s what he told me! Jezz how the 😖do I know what time the mailman will come. He does this thing where he asks stupid questions just to get attention. Like he’s standing in the rain and he will ask me “ Is it raining “. Seriously

For a hot minute, I thought I wrote that comment

I can relate

Why do u have to ask him if u can go to the mailbox Your an adult

@@murielmartin3288 she asked him not the other way around.

So true...sadly. Dr. C

Mine uses my childhood against me in a different way. He tells me that Im wrongly interpreting his behavious as abuse because of my past.

very true. Can’t believe this kind of people exist.

@g quin you bring up interesting points. I'd like to explore some of them with you. I can understand what your point is on labels. Especially when the labels concern mental conditions. Indeed I'm with you in stating that so called narcissists are complex individuals to be sure. While labels are useful in identifying patterns of behavior, people should be cautioned to willy nilly throw them around, as you say, when a trait or two present themselves in an individual. But make no mistake about it, I think the majority of viewers of this particular channel are drawn to it by suffering the abuse from a manipulative, insecure, unempathetic, controlling individual. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a way of identifying individuals who meet the specific criteria of individuals who possess these qualities and in turns gives us a better understanding of what we're up against. Critical thinking. Critical thinking begins and ends with self awareness. Critical thinking is not so much a tool as it is an understanding of how you think, why you think and simply going to the most vulnerable places inside your soul to see how the old noggin ticks. If someone has this and can identify with a label such as narcissistic personality disorder or narcissism in general then they will take it for what it is. They will see, like you have according to your comments, that we all can have narcissistic tendencies from time to time (just like the author of this video describes over and over in his videos). The self aware individual will also be aware that while certain individuals will definitely fit these labels, it is clear these labels don't necessary include the complexities of said individuals as to WHY they are the way they are. If someone is to expose a single trait of these definitions of narcissism in a particular individual without stepping back and looking at both themselves and the bigger picture of highlighted person then I would agree that it's jumping to conclusions. The "fool" in this video in my opinion, after watching many, many of his videos is nothing short of enlighting. Which makes me wonder how much you've watched of him to 'label' him a fool. Perhaps a little self awareness and critical thinking is prudent on your part as much as you accuse the viewers and author of this video to be. But that's for you to figure out. Does the author of this video wish to manipulate society with labels and weaponize all non critical thinkers by way of both numbing their sensibility and attacking complex personalities? I think not. More than often the author of this video is passionately trying to bring to the attention to the viewer the onus required by him or herself to be self aware of themselves when dealing with these complex people who demonstrate a similar negative pattern of behavior that can be extremely abusive. Anyway, some things to think about it.

g quin - Clearly your not a survivor of the horrific abuse that narcissistic sociopaths do to other kind people.

quin copy and paste your comments troll?

quin he's a psychiatrist ding dong

"No, but I think you're about to enlighten me....." Dr. C

Mine Says...." People like you, because they Don't have you Figured out like I do"! " Once they'll figure out who you are, they will leave you " ...Said the Narcissist who Refuses to Leave for 16 years ... Wow...pfeww... mindblowing.

Inside your head you're thinking "I know what my problem is - I'm looking at him!"

My ex narc would say "the trouble with you is......"

It is so empowering knowing what we are truly dealing with. I found out my husband was a narc when I researched " I swear my husband is a demon!". I found out he shows every red flag! It was sad to think of my younger self trying so hard to communicate and grow with this evil person. I wish I could back in time and have this knowledge.

Isn't it great! Yes I have days where it gets on my nerves greatly but I feel better knowing all this information. Family is the worst! And watching it unravel at first is a great shock. But at least were not the crazy ones. Smh

100 percent same .. the first few times I used the suggestions and responses I secretly high fived myself as I was walking away

Ya, really amazing how predictable and reactive they are. Great advice!

Congratulations!

How do they get away with it? I couldn’t get away with it either.

@@johnparadise3134 I think they jave lots of practice, well trained supporters, and alot of people who don't want to deal with them, and got so far away you won't find them near a narc.

Well said Sage.

Exactly correct

@@judyscheiber3661 what if they are 50% narc. In other words what if they do have a fundamental narcissistic base yet have a 50% empathetic base. Nobody talks about this. It would be easier if said individual was a narc through and through.

@Borg Ward Touche!

I got out too...and I am so glad I did.

I don't blame you.

🙌

Congratulations!

One of my exes favourites.

I so feel this

Talking about forgiving and apologizing. My ex has never said 'Sorry' to anybody in his entire life.

@@gillianbrookwell1678 My husband apologizes to everyone else but *never* to me!

Lmao " Accept me or I'll cry!!"

Excellent list! I've found that all of these evasions are employed for one purpose- to avoid having to engage in honest, meaningful discussion of ANY concern, big or small, that YOU feel needs to be raised. It really is about you, because in their mind, you are not supposed to have needs. You are supposed to be a mindless, soul-less robot who parrots what they want to hear and who snaps to attention immediately.

Are you sure you didn’t read my journal? Lol so spot on. I could add a few more, like deflecting, minimizing, condescending and dismissive words/actions, hanging up on me or ghosting texts...geez I could go on and on!

PICKING APART GRAMMAR good grief

@@SallyJoeTimestamps You should really have put a comma after GRAMMAR and a full stop at the end there Emma......😊

@@SimonWebbRCandModellingChannel hehehe

Interesting point...there is something profound about that part.

Yes they like to keep their private lives private.

& when revealed, they become crazy with rage! Turning things (once again) against you! It's laughable but ohh such personal & rage-filled attacks!! It's really hard to keep a straight head...

Jan M Borg Ward now it’s 22 😂

Now it’s 24.

Caribbean Queen That’s what they do. 🤦🏻‍♀️

We’ve all been there and done that. Doesn’t matter how calm, collected, logical, kind you are ......that’s not how they see you. They only see and believe the worst EVEN IF shown the truth. That’s why we need to remember J.A.D.E. Do not justify, argue, defend or explain. Does not help. Ever.

They always win, you always will loose.

I have a terrible temper and I too used to lose it after a while. One time we were having an argument and he started yawning and then smirking and for a split second I grabbed his neck and dug my nails in.

gailkshaw so true my friend .. they’re fiends 🧟‍♂️

I'm glad you found us too! Dr. C

Hahahaha great response

Thank you so much! You have given me a new perspective to deal with them! You are very true in your words about conversation going round robin and then verbal abuse, shaming, blaming about starting the whole drama (when actually they are the ones who do the whole plotting always) etc, it's so tiring and painful for mind and soul! :'( especially when you are in a sticky situation, where you can't get rid of them anyways! :'(

Yes, and thanks again, MiA.... Dr. C

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you for taking the time to reply! 🙂🙏💕

Precisely...gross exaggerations and false accusations and assumptions. They essentially convince themselves that you are the evil one by believing their own lies. One time when I was talking to my Pastor, I said I don't know if I"m going to be the scapegoat that gets released or the one that gets sacrificed (See The Holy Bible for the origin of that story.).

Team healthy. I pick you. Dr. C

Immature psychological defenses. They act like children because they are developmentally in relationships. Most kids grow up.

Narcissists do choose their victims carefully. The ones who are sensitive and easy to manipulate.

Nice take!

Pip fugl you’re damn right there pip, 18yrs of hell & all I’m left with is an older physically & mentally abused body & mind! 😘😘😘

@@lina9722 I am so sorry for you - I "only" served 10 years, but we must stick together in these communities. This and other communities have meant so much to me and I hope it can help you too - self confidence is everything. Knowledge about narcissism is another important thing - because through that you can see that you are NOTcrazy - it helps to hear about all these "strange" and cunning things those narcs do to you. Hope you can smile a little!

Pip fugl thank you so much for responding pip! I agree with you completely & agree, these communities & their knowledge have been priceless to me this past year or more & especially since I left & went no contact 9 weeks ago! I can actually hear a thought without it being hijacked & I do not miss the chaos, confusion & threats of violence at all, whenever I dared to challenge him! I know I have a lot of work to do & there’s a long road ahead for me, but my fear of leaving & what he might do has now left me! Just need to find out who I am & try to find something for myself to do! Yes, your comment made me smile; thank you for recognising my pain! 😘😘😘😘

@@lina9722 we are in the same boat. I am only two weeks away from him - having tried many times. But this time I am determined and are already calmer inside my body - I love how he cant push me around anymore. I am detecting my old self. Some times I see a little bite of the woman I was. Think you know that too.

@booboobear how satisfying. Would love to throw mine under the bus.

Knew of a boss like that. Drove people to quit so she didn't have to deal w/ unemployment issues if she fired them. Tried it with my close friend who was able to withstand the bosses humiliation tactic, but that doesn't mean it didn't affect my friend. She looked like she'd been through battle when she told me about what happened. The only win is to withstand and keep our principles and values. And get out if possible. Dr. Abdul Saad of Vital Mind has videos on narcissism also, as does Dr. Ramani. It's great so many professionals will pu the facts of narcissistic individuals out there for people. Different presentations in different styles for people.

@@ACE-zo6st yeh. He's trying to force me out but I'm trying to leave on my own terms.

yes, it is natural I think for normal people to introspect this way and be on the lookout. my devaluation/discard involved a lot of gaslighting and blame shifting. It is horrendous.

Yes...so true. Now we need to get good at identifying the culprits figure how much contact we want with them, or none at all. Them work on the skills to live healthier even if they are around or in our lives. Shalom...hope you are making some headway and find some peace

@@masterdaveedwards thank you. I had a baby girl with her so I'm tied but I'm trying to keep things no contact other than official stuff. It's tough. Tries to drag me in by either using personal attacks or guilt and because I worry about her well being and my daughters I then naturally worry. She knows this and plays on it. Plants a seed in my mind. Gotta get better at telling myself I'm not responsible for her, considering I spent two years being told "your depression has ruined my life and you've made my life misery by being ill". I'm selfish and a disgusting human being. All the names under the sun. Crazy how you still feel some care towards people like that.

That's because you are Empathic and a loving person...you like many always give people so many chances and hope for change. We get slapped in the face far too many times. Jesus said a couple is ok... He didn't want us to get abused just to remain humble. Shalom brother...stay strong...love your enemies...just stay out if their camp. May God bring good company your way.

@@masterdaveedwards That means alot brother. Thank you and I wish you all the very best in the future.

I like that! Dr. C

I like it 😁

Photo Prescott 😍

Photo Prescott I ❤️ dogs!!!

Gus is the best!

Laura Randolph - it's called pattern interrupt. They use is in various ways to keep you confused, tired and off balance so they keep the upper hand more easily. Once you see it you can't unsee it!!

@@louisegarner8888 Wow, I jthought it was JUST ME who had this happen to them! In fact, I used to look at the benefit of the doubt that it was JUST a coincidence. Yet just discarded the idiot yesterday. Now I'm reconsidering that benefit of the doubt thing. But I'm not exactly going to be mourning this one. Free at last!

@@AZDC99 Congratulations Matt!! Look for serial pest patterns and use your intuition to see red flags as deal breakers. Maybe watch @Empath Uprising channel he's got good practical info and skillsbase re this?

This is familiar. My narcs favorite go to is during an argument to say “if you don’t like it just leave” so in the heat of the moment I might respond something like “ why does it always have to be from one extreme to the next with you? If that’s the stipulation of speaking my mind, maybe it is best that I just leave” and then his response to that is “at least I’m not just a quitter and giving up on things. Remember if you leave, it’s you who is breaking up the family bc your so easily giving up on us”. Then this is the part where my head spins bc I specifically recall him being the one to tell me to “just leave”. So damn typically for them to set the stage and then flip the switch in you. SMH.

@@astridlove2327 I hear you!! Look up DARVO meaning deny, accuse, reverse roles of victim and offender it's a narc pattern of control to avoid accountability and put the blame anywhere else but in their lap. Flipped scripts is their favorite party trick. Record it next time if you can and play it back every timr he opens his mouth lol 😂 Journalling works too but no contact is the most peaceful option. Good luck with that one! Prayers you stay strong and centred in your own good self xox 🙏💕

I read the comments before I reply and sometimes find someone who responds with words far clearer than I can find. You have spoken so eloquently, Brad McEwen. We so need these words spoken, as my mind can't put these 8 ways into form. So, thank you , Dr, C. it is great humanitarian work.

That's a cool analogy (pun intended but I do really like it 😁)

@@marybeth9394 I agree - "exceptional"!

That is the Narc’s goal-to wear you down, break you, until you’re either a weeping crumpled mess or a shrieking maniac.....all just to get their abuse to stop. It’s at that point that the Narc will suddenly act like the most mature ‘together’ person you’ve ever seen. The narc has achieve the control they seek and demand.

EXACTLY. I’ll go from the weeping, to the maniac a couple times around during this “moment”, and the second I do...they’re normal, calm, and wondering why i’m so crazy.

Yes, these people do have a tendency to rub off on you.

EA RI did I not just say he has me acting like him? Lol

@@kuzia60 shut up

Thank-you bookworm!❤peace n love to you✌

Learn to love yourself!

@@gillianbrookwell1678 Yess! Gillian, well said. It's a process... we deserve gentleness, and kindness from ourselves, for ourselves🌷I wish this for all of us. I feel grateful for Dr. Carter, these tools are self-preserving. Peace throughout the holidays, friends.✌

A good one! Also, Whitney Houston, The Greatest Love of All played on my way home today 💞

After being away from my ex for such a long time I've realized that there are nice normal men out there who don't have narcissistic personalities so I haven't given up on other relationships.

Even if you can learn to not let them get to you, they still shouldn't be allowed to proceed with disrespecting you.

Definitely agree!! They just seem so good at turning the table around on you, making it seem you are the one in the wrong!!

Yess👏

OMG I know....I wish there was an app that could have a hand come out and slap them silly. UGH. I cringe when an email comes from the narcs in my family. Face to face...honey drips from their lips.

Carol Halford lol! I wish there was an app that read and auto-deleted toxic emails. It would have saved my sanity!

Pray in silence.

I dumped my sister too. Finally! It’s only been a few months. I wish I had done it years ago. I would have saved myself from so much emotional torture. Should have dumped her like trash 30 years ago when she slept with my boyfriend. Oh well. She’s gone now thank God! Better late than never❤️

Walkonpart Inawar so sad for you. I understand your plight. I hate the person I’ve become-guarded, weighing every action and word in an attempt to avoid the Narcissistic behaviors that are exhausting. “Psychological damage” - so true.

Walkonpart Inawar Pick up your children and leave!

@@Joylibelle - She'll crucify him in the family court system. I think his concerns are valid. Not sure what the answer should be.

No one who has suffered a narc would ever say its your own fault.

@@tulanzuya Thanks for your validating comment - my apologies for the delayed reply - I did not see it until KZfaq's notification for @satsumamoon's comment below, popped up. I'm very aware that the only possible result of any post-separation fight over the kids would be total devastating defeat, while faced with vile false accusations with only my-word-against-hers as 'proof'. So, one year on from my comment above, I'm still here, we hardly talk, and I'm resigned to the fact that she's blaming me for anything and everything. Life has 'settled' into a stressed-out, unpleasant co-existence where we pretend everything's okay when it's not. Exactly what every marriage aims for! Not. Lol.

Jesus!

D Young not sure I ever witnessed ‘apologetic’. Pretend concern was always a lure.

Lissa Cabler Ware "pretend concern" is more accurate

I think that's very true and have seen this dynamic in real life. Another way I looked at it was to say that they can't allow or respect boundaries, because other people don't really exist in their world.

I ♥️ the blank stare Thanks, I'm going to start giving the blank stare.

@@Sharon-sw7mr You are very welcome. I hope it works for you too

Thanks, Susan! Dr. C

Keep leaning forward, Deanna. Dr. C

If God is revealing this to you perhaps you are able to overcome these faults?

Placating is different from acting with decency. Dr. C

Well, his comment made sense. Dr. C

@ Surviving Narcissism Thank you for all the selfless work you are doing. It’s making a huge difference in many lives including mine.

What mother does this? Amazingly, some can rationalize why this approach is reasonable. Dr. C

Beautifully said!!!!!