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Oh my gosh I was one of your students!! No wonder why your face looked so familiar. I always felt so bad about the class and the kids were awful in it!! It’s crazy listening to all of this because I remember this English class so vividly especially every thing we studied. I just want to say that some of the things you taught have stuck with me from all these years and appreciate what you taught. That class was rough with the kids in it, they were straight up rude and disrespectful, it always bothered me, being a shy and quiet kid. So I’m so so sorry for that. It’s crazy to see you do something so amazing now and reconnect to some degree. Love your stuff, keep it up!

This story is nauseating honestly. "Racism isn't even a problem anymore" while actively committing racist bullying

Even IF racism was "not a thing anymore" why wouldn't you discuss it? Is history not important? It's the wrong way to look at things...

As a lesbian in utah, I got told so many times by boys that they would fix me :/

I lived in a half-Mormon area and we were all taught in church that black people were black because they "hadn't been valiant in the pre-existence" (pre-mortal life). It was very much taught and understood and accepted by everyone. No one seemed to have a problem with it. Suddenly no one would say that anymore after 1978.

When I taught in a daycare, I had a child's father yell at me for trying to change his son's view on playing with children of another race. The little boy wouldn't play with another child or his sister because they were Indian (From India). I told the little boy that this was unacceptable, and wasn't right. I made him say that he was sorry to them, and asked "Where did you learn that this is okay?" He never told me. But, his dad came up to me the next day and yelled at me for teaching the boy that his actions were not okay. He actually asked: "Why are you asking my son to play with those Indians?" I said, "Because, they are good kids and we need to be kind to everyone. Not, just people that are like us."

"Not bullying someone to the point of suicide is so woke."

"If you think that teaching history is activism, maybe you should think about why teaching history promotes people to be activists." Just brilliant.

Why I made my husband turn down a job in Idaho. First of all we are Canadian. Second, almost the whole town was Mormon. We’re not. I knew we wouldn’t be able to handle it.

One of my school trips when I was 14 was to the Anne Frank house. I don't know if you've ever visited it but it has very graphic images of the concentration camp mass graves and filled gas chambers. Two of my class mates started hysterically laughing at the pictures. Something that infuriated many of us as we tried to make sense of what were seeing. Our teacher explained to us that not everyone always knows how to deal with cetain emotions and will react in very 'odd' ways as they process their feelings and perhaps shield their true emotions towards peers by, in this case, laughing. Putting his emotions and judgement to one side, the teacher took the two outside and explained in a calm manner how their reaction made him feel and then asked how they were really feeling. One laughed again, but the other became emotional. I was reminded of this memory watching your (once again fantastic) content.

Imagine those kids saying "racism doesn't exist" does a racism laughing at a kid who died from a hate crime Classic mormon hypocrisy

Wait…THATS MY SCHOOL?! I can’t believe that it’s in a video, I’m literally going into 9th grade and I feel so lost and depressed. I was Mormon for a bit but my family stopped going and didn’t really care for it. My mom and dad grew up with extremely Mormon parents. I’ve learned a lot of things about Mormonism and it’s very cult like in some ways… I’m also a quiet kid in general and listen to others more than I would talk. I hear a lot of the kids calling things gay and just being disrespectful to teachers and other students in general. I personally am bi and if I ever said that I was, I probably would be bullied for it. Thanks for speaking on these topics! 😔🫶

Emmett Till was my mom’s cousin, their cousin Wheeler Parker was with Emmett the day/night of the events, and my grandfather was the one to drive Wheeler up north in the middle of the night to make sure he wouldn’t be taken by Emmett’s murderers. I grew up hearing his story a million times from our family, but I hardly ever had teachers that knew his story, let alone ones that taught it. It’s so cool to me that you cared to share this with your students, and I am SO sorry that you had this experience. You are wonderful and brilliant! (Also, his mother’s name is pronounced like “May-Mee”!)

I commend you for sharing the photo, you are indeed living to the legacy of that poor kid mother.

35 students per class is way too many.

I am a gay man that left the Mormon Church. I was in the Mormon church for 16 years. I found the Mormon Church to be extremely closed minded with no concept what it is like to be different. Thankfully there are people that are different. I could never live in any dominate religious community! 🤨 And I am much happier to be out of the Mormon Church and not be around it anymore!🥳

It’s funny how you ended up being a teacher of sorts now, just not the kind that your father expected and honestly I’m glad you came to this point on your journey and teach what you do.

The story about the girl who asked about the character's pregnancy reminded me of 2 things I lived with friends of mine in a Utah public high school too. I was a foreign exchange student in a Utah hs for a year, I'm not from the USA so I was quite confused about a few of these things. First, one of my friends was terrified that she might be pregnant, she was so scared to go get a pregnancy test, I told her that I would accompany her to a Planned Parenthood place to get one (I didn't know much about where to get it in the USA but I knew PP helps so my thought was just to go ask them), she immediately refused at hearing PP being mentioned, we continued talking and she seemed to be very confused about what had happened, even saying she thought she might have been raped which of course made all my alarms go off because that's a super important and strong thing, and when she continued talking, it turns out she had hugged her bf with their underwear on, definitely no intercourse. She didn't know how people get pregnant, we were 15. It also made me worry that people are so lacking in knowledge that they might not clearly recognise a rape situation. The other story is from a different friend whose parents were very strictly Mormon, they watched every movie before she was allowed to watch it to determine whether it was correct (she wasn't allowed to watch Phantom of the Opera for example). She was allowed to read a romance book about a wounded soldier, and there was a sex scene. She came to the group of friends at lunch time SHOCKED that there was a sex scene and her shock was that it was there but mostly because the woman was infertile. I was very confused, but I had to be the one to tell this 14-15 year old that people have sex because they enjoy it and not only for reproduction. She seemed very surprised. I'm still shocked to this day. This all happened in 2015-2016 btw.

Hey. Just an FYI Till’s mom’s name is pronounced “Mae-mee”, to pronounce it as mammy could inadvertently be seen as pejorative. What you are doing is super important and I don’t want your message to be lost because you accidentally said her name wrong. Some people look for any reason to reject a message, I dont want a simple mispronunciation to cause someone to have cringe reaction. You are doing a great job. I have learned so much from your channel and I want you to be encouraged. Keep up the good work and keep learning and growing.

I’m an exvangelical high school English teacher, and I had forgotten until just this moment that my career was inspired by a prayer at a church where someone laid hands on my head and “prophesied” that I would teach literacy to children. Wow.

I grew up in utah county and i moved to washington my senior year of high school. It was the most intense culture shock. You dont realize how much the mormon culture affects EVERYTHING until you move away

My husband had similar nightmares teaching high school in Idaho… and he enjoyed teaching. When he moved on to teaching at the college level, he received consistently high teacher evaluations. However, being one of only two non-LDS teachers in a 90-something percent school district, it didn’t take long for my husband to know he had a target on his back. He had the worst problems with kids whose parents were on the school board and/or whose dads were bishops. Because he could not discipline them. Inevitably, the principal would get complaints if he so much as issued a detention. He was told to let the principal handle disciplinary problems. So then my husband sent those kids to the principal. The budget cuts that the state had threatened were passed. Naturally, he and the other non-LDS teacher were let go. The excuse was his “inability” to maintain classroom discipline - despite the fact that his fellow teachers and most of his students knew he was being sabotaged.

I grew up in Juab County in Utah and this is so accurate. I tell my mom all the bullying and horrid things these kids said and did to me when I was young and she has a hard time believing it because, "their family is so nice and they go to church every week". I hated growing up there and I still do not like or want to associate with the people I grew up with. Every time I go back, my mom says, "there's so and so, go say hi" and I always have to tell her that I do NOT want to associate with someone who bullied me and treated me like garbage our whole childhood and she always hits me with,"I'm sure they have changed, you know they went on a mission". Even if they've changed I do NOT want to associate with someone who treated me the ways they did. I was very mormon and a rule follower all growing up and no matter what I did, even when I started to rebel like them, they still treated me horribly. I talk to my siblings and one person (who is my sister from another mister) from there, who I grew up with and she has been my best friend since second grade.

Funny story. I used to live in American Fork and it is still very mormon. I left the church and one of the first things I got was a tarot card set. I don't believe in tarot cards but they are fun. (don't get me wrong if you believe in tarot cards thats perfectly fine no shame here). I was anxious for them to arrive from amazon and wanted to get to the package before my parents did because my family is very religious. This was when I still lived with my parents. My mom got to the cards before I did and I snatched them and went downstairs to put in my room. When I went upstairs my mom was waiting for me and said exactly "please promise me you won't become a witch or a furry." So moral of the story it seems like if you do anything that doesn't go with the religion you are destined to become a furry 😂

I’ve been a high school English teacher in the UK for nearly 10 years. What you say about temperament is so true - teaching really isn’t for everyone, and I have full respect for anyone who tries it and leaves. So much better to get out than stay and end up hating yourself and the kids. It’s totally crazy to me that in Mormonism your Dad effectively has the right to choose your career. Also I have the privilege of teaching in a place where racism and bigotry like the awfulness you describe is not tolerated. I can’t imagine sticking around in the circumstances you describe. Hideous.

I attended 8th, 9th and 10th grades in a Utah public school. It was an eye opening experience. I was, like you, a rule follower. Quiet, introverted, wore no makeup, had long straight hair, modestly dressed, polite. Had a very important surname in the LDS church. Just...one...minor issue...Wasn't Mormon. Never had been Mormon. Was immediately mistaken for one.

I'm my 9th grade Geograpy class I heard Hitler jokes, holocaust jokes, jokes about massacre, jokes about pretty much everything. But don't worry they were respectful during seminary

"the most righteous were the most cruel". Yeah, this is how righteousness works...

1) grew up in rural utah (non-mormon), and my 4th grade utah history class centered around watching the film "Legacy" at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building. It was a BFD, as we had to bus in from about an hour away. 2) I would say that perhaps the nicest part of being isolated as an LGBTQIA student was that they wouldn't touch me or get close to me because they were afraid I would "turn them gay", which really saved me a lot of time. also, 3) I was told I shouldn't bother going to college, since I could just work in construction until I found a man to take care of me......(this was late 90s, early 2000s). 4) I also got proposed to 4 separate times between 9th and 11th grade, by boys who said they thought I would "make a really good mormon" and asked me to wait for them to get back from their missions. Sadly, I dropped out of high school, have never been married, and have three graduate degrees...so I have really let everyone down. Thank you for sharing your stories.

As a retired male Utah high school teacher of 30 years in the Salt Lake School District, I’m so sorry for how you were treated. Over my career there were many good students of all races and religions. Most of my best relationships were with non lds kids. The cliques of lds students were stifling. The non lds kids could have a decent conversation with me. Some lds kids could, as well. Lds kids were too busy with church to learn how to communicate with an adult. There were a handful of Mormon kids who were just the greatest. You are an amazing teacher today and I think you’ve found your calling.

As someone who grew up in the suburbs of Utah and attended public high school here, I can confirm that all of this is true. Some of these Mormon kids were the most cruel people I’ve ever met. The culture here is actually crazy even when I was in fourth grade, my friends would bring me books of Mormon to give me at recess. I was one of the very few non-Mormon kids in our class at one point. I was even told that I was a horrible person because I was not Mormon.

I was one of the utah teens that attempted. I was so sensitive and undiagnosed autistic and also queer af but didnt know it. i was bullied constantly. Teachers like you kept me going. Thank you for talking about this. (I'm 27 now, still struggling but alive and happy to be alive and loudly myself in washington)

30-40 out of 180 is still extremely high 💀 Jesus Christ

I did my student teaching in a Utah high school, and it was a nightmare! In my first couple days, when I'd literally done nothing but observe (as was the plan), my mentor teacher told me that I didn't have what it takes to be a teacher and should find something else to do with my life. I hadn't even done any teaching yet! (I'm sure her judgment had nothing to do with me being a wheelchair user.🙄) The teachers had no respect for me, and no respect from their students, so of course it didn't go well when I tried to step in and teach.... But that was 18 years ago, and I'm a very happy and respected teacher in Oregon now!

My son gets soooo angry when other kids disrespect the teacher. Teaching your boy to be conscient of what women are living in their working environnement is the most important thing a mother has to do. This is why the patriarkat wants ignorant young moms, so they don't even know that they CAN do that.

RIP, Emmett 😞 I'm sorry for how humanity failed you 💔

Hey Alyssa! I'm not mormon but was raised very christian so there are a few things I can relate to in your stories - but outside of all that you're such a powerful, insightful, articulate speaker. So much respect for you. Please keep speaking on your experiences. I feel like open-mindedness is becoming a less common trait every day, we REALLY need more people like you out here.

My family moved to Utah as non mormons when I was in early elementary school. It was a crash course culture shock for all of us. My mom worked in a junior high school cafeteria. The stories she would come home with were wild! Kids would try to bully her, a grown woman because she wore a cross necklace. Young boys would brag that they held the priesthood, so they could get away with not cleaning up after themselves and believed they had authority over my mom. Luckily she had one LDS coworker that was open to answering my mom's questions about mormonism, and was very kind to her. She was the ONLY LDS person we came into contact with that was open to a discussing her faith with us in a non condemning way. As someone who went to a Utah junior high school, I value your experience and can only imagine how hard it was, and you were a practicing member at the time!

Being gay and out is one of the hardest things you can go through, especially in high school. I reflect on what happened to me and I now am still disgusted that the administration of my school did nothing about. I have been told to unalive myself on many occasions and the school was aware of this. This is not a Mormon thing but a nation wide phenomenon. In a school near me, a kid unalived himself for being bi with a shotgun. The kids who did so were not punished at all. People complain that pride month is silly and unnecessary but we still have teens all over the country who think they should not exist because they are queer. The sad part about my story is that I only graduated from high school a year ago and it is still happening. I hope that we as a society can learn to treat each other better.

I'm mixed (father is black, mother is white) and I've experienced racism from a young age in my evangelic christian school. A teacher said that my hair was ugly bc it's curly, a group of students put me on a slave role while making a theater about colonization in Brazil, people said I looked "dirty" bc of my skin color, a few years later my classmates laughed at the movie T.H.U.G (which talks about racism and police violence) while I was in tears knowing similar things happened to my father and could happen to me or anyone that looks like me. Now, in college getting a degree in History, I aspire to teach kids about our past and in some way reduce that kind of awful behavior white kids are allowed to have, lacking total empathy towards their black or mixed peers. (Sorry for any spelling mistakes, English isn't my first language but I rlly wanted to talk about it. From all your videos that I watched, this one story and the one about homophobic comments touched me the most).

I taught for over 42 years. What you experienced was how some kids treat new teachers. You are correct in assuming that you were picked on because of your youth and inexperience. The fact that you administrators did nothing is appalling. Like you, when I first started teaching, I was often mistaken for a student. However, being African American, I was a pretty strict teacher. I loved my students, but, I didn't put up with BS. However, I never had students who were so overtly disrespectful. I'm sorry that you were bullied and nothing was done to hold those kids accountable. Finally, if it became known that I was secretly put on any social media account, I would've protested to the superintendent. What awful human beings they were at that age! I do hope that they've matured since then and realize how wrong they were. That is my hope.

You have a beautiful heart. The world is better for you sharing your perspective and experiences. Please continue this important work.

Alyssa, your story about connecting deeply with one of your students and hearing your voice crack when you spoke about the horrible bullying he endured cut deep. You may have been a first year teacher who felt you were naive, but a true educator looks for students who think outside of the box like he did and encourages them to pursue those thoughts. You likely made a positive impact on his life when he needed it the most. Maybe teaching in a Utah public school wasn't for you, but you are a teacher through and through. Makes sense - you are the only reason I know half as much about mormonism as I do now. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your stories. ❤

To your essay writing friend: I love you. I'm here for you, love. You're older now, and I hope so much you see this video and know Alyssa and everyone in the comments care for you.

I had heard that the mother had him in the casket as he was, to impress on people what brutality had been suffered. But I did not know that picture existed. OMG, anyone who laughed at that has no soul.

I really dislike mormon culture, as an ex mormon I find it stunning how different life feels and how much wider my perspective on the world is when I stopped being surrounded by the chronic group-think in the church. I have several gay family members and I remember hearing unbelievably horrible things being said by one of my young men’s leaders about “The Gays” and all of my peers were laughing and agreeing with him, I yelled at him and he was too scared to tell my parents that I cursed him out but I very rarely went to any youth activities after that and thankfully my family is now fully out of the church and we’re much happier now. Only 2 people I knew in the church are still my friends after I left and they’re amazing people, but I remember how lonely it felt realizing that my “Friends” were only my friends under the condition that I was one of them.

you are so well spoken and so socially aware and it made me so happy to hear. i was raised in a completely opposite area, in northern california: where we were actively taught how to be aware and active and it’s so great to see that there are people on the other side of the table that can recognize the importance of that within communities that don’t prioritize that.

Even if you’re in the closet but live with deeply homophobic people, it greatly effects how you view yourself. I’m a bisexual woman and I view myself as offensive, dangerous, aggressive and inherently wrong / dirty.

being a highschooler in a mormon town as a non mormon person is crazy

My high school English teacher had a very similar experience to yours, where unfortunately the kid succeeded in his attempt. It was also her first year of teaching and I distinctly remember being in class one day and we were reading from a book and she called in this kid, Tim, to read the next few lines. He had a stutter and really struggled to get through it so there were several other kids laughing at him. She told them to be quiet and pay attention. I remember wanting to tell them to shut up but not doing it. About 2 weeks later we got the news that he had passed. It broke my heart and has stuck with me ever since and I can't imagine how my teacher must have felt. You're not alone in this experience and I'm going to share your story with her so she knows she's also not alone.

Thank you so much for sharing these stories. As a teacher myself, I related so much to your experiences but also was appaled at the way some of your students behaved. So sad. I can tell from this video, the way you talk about your former students and your compassion for them and passion for the things you taught them that even as a new teacher - you were a wonderful one.

The part about gay people genuinely made me cry. I didn't grow up mormon but I grew up catholic and went to catholic schools all my life until I graduated. I had never came out to anyone except my very closest friends who I knew weren't homophobic but I know the feeling of not being able to be openly gay in a school environment. On top of that around the time I realised that I was actually gay (I have always known, but couldn't really admit it to myself until i was like 13) my school fired a teacher for being gay. That was genuinely the reason. The teacher never brought it up, never pushed or even mentioned it to the students but they found out through some legal documents. That made me, a lesbian in the closet, even more scared cause if even that teacher who never even mentioned being gay was "caught", what if I also do? So I had really bad paranoia and anxiety but luckily I made it out. I had thought about taking my life a lot but was too scared to because in my eyes taking your own life was a sin and disrespecting god. But at the same time I also didn't want to live a life full of sin. I was never bullied for it luckily, but I still find it hard to accept that I am a lesbian even like 7 years later. I'm slowly accepting myself more and more. But yeah it's genuinely so sad to see that homophobia is still widespread and my little sister still goes to that school and it's still a really homophobic environment so the story of that boy really moved me. I really hope the church both of the mormons and catholics will become more inclusive or at least accepting. Cause I was a believer too and if I had been taught that god loves me no matter who I love I probably wouldn't be having such a hard time accepting myself right now.

Love this topic. I was a high school teacher in a very Mormon area of Arizona. Lasted four whole years. Now I have student loan debt and I’m not teaching anymore. I should add that I am not Mormon and have never been. I grew up in Florida so seeing seminary right next to the high school and finding they actually put it on the students schedules was very surprising.

If it makes you feel any better, you are a miss honey teacher to me!! I’ve never heard anything about the Mormon way of life, and I find it so interesting to learn from you! 💐💐💐💐

I come from a very "macho" culture in Puerto Rico and at least in my generation and location most kids around me, particularly the stronger ones, would protect the weaker kids from bullies... What I saw in Utah was just pure bully behavior. I love my upbringing and we were pretty conservative but part of being a "macho" is not to be an abuser because abusers are cowards.

My first year teaching was in Utah too. It was the year we shut down from the pandemic. I am not Mormon and I never was or will be. That was my first introduction to what Mormon culture was like. I have trauma from Utah that I am still working on healing from. Thank you for sharing.

I always have a million comments on your videos. But this is important as well. Being taught an abstinence only sex education for me, led to me being R***d and SA'd multiple times and feeling guilt and blaming myself for it and NEVER telling the adults in my life about it. It caused so many awful feelings in and about myself. In my opinion it is honestly abuse to teach children this way and to not properly educate them on their bodies, setting boundaries and proper terminology and education surrounding sex and bodily autonomy. It causes awful horrible things to happen and them to feel as if it is their fault and not the fault of the abuser. There are things I haven't even told my husband or anyone that happened to me because the other person just said it didn't happen and then I was not believed. It is horrible that these things happen and education is the first step to prevent these things from happening to our children.

I subscribed and gave you a like. Thank you for sharing such personal experiences, they need to be heard. Those who are ready to grow will understand. Keep up the good work, because our society needs help!

I live in Arizona, and as a queer a-gender person, I was bullied like this all through school. After my third attempt on my life, my dad encouraged me to drop out of high school and get my GED. I am successful today and have never been happier!

Racism, bigotry, xenophobia, homophobia…are learned. 😢

I spent a summer as a business manager at a Boy Scout summer camp in the Midwest in my 30’s. I was the adult Scouter that was responsible for the financial aspects of the camp trading post, as well as collecting fees from the troops that attended camp. The schedule was pretty grueling and the staff cabins had no AC, but I enjoyed the work, the Scouts, and the camaraderie of the place. Every week, a new set of troops would cycle in and out and the cycle would repeat. The staff would put on programs, skits, campfires, and merit badge classes. They were all older scouts themselves and their program director was the senior most Scout of the group. They were amazing, bright, friendly, and hard-working - exactly the type of people any good parent would want their younger child to emulate. And most did. The camp was known for its excellent program, its fantastic program director who the Scouts loved, and a wholesome experience that really reflected the best of what the Scouting program had to offer. And so it went all summer until the last week. The last week was LDS week. This is when troops sponsored by the area Mormon churches brought their Scouts to camp. It was a total takeover. As it was explained to me, the church used the trappings of the Scouts as a church youth program, similar to the way some evangelical churches created the Awanas program. Only LDS troops were allowed that week and they rented out the entire camp. They also completely replaced all members of staff with church youth leaders. The BSA staff, except for a couple of adults responsible for camp facilities (like me) were sequestered to the staff cabins and were told to have minimal interactions with the LDS Scouts. This was all at the insurance of the LDS leaders who wanted to shield their Scouts from the “worldly influences” of the non-Mormon staff. Apparently, our merry crew of fantastic Scouts was too “risqué” to be allowed to deliver the official Scouting curriculum to these pious LDS troops. Who knows what they were teaching these Scouts, if it was even a BSA experience at all, but one thing was clear, it was an LDS gathering first and foremost. That got under my skin, as Scouting is a universal community of good people from around the world. Religion is touched upon by the Scouting program, but it’s a very, very light touch, leaving the individual Scouts to practice whatever faith they have in accordance with their own conscience. The diversity of faiths is a central tenant of Scouting, as is acceptance of other’s beliefs. Anyway, the LDS troops didn’t resemble the general character or behavior of any other the other Scout troops that had been there that summer. Maybe it is because they were not given the option to attend or not, but it was clear that many of them didn’t want to be at camp. They were generally more disrespectful when encountered, knew that no staff member could do anything about their behavior, and the shoplifting rate at the trading post went absolutely through the roof that week. By their fruits you will know them, indeed. We would inventory the trading post each week during the troop change overs. Most weeks there were some minor shrink. When the LDS inventory was completed before the troops checked out and settled up, we had more than a $5000 loss. It was usually less than a hundred bucks. We had caught and sent home several Scouts that were caught red-handed shoplifting, an epidemic by Scout Camp standards. When we told the LDS guy in charge of the loss, he seemed unsurprised and unfazed. He simply whipped out the church checkbook and asked how much. To me, it seemed like he was used to handing out the churches money to wipe away “problems”. Think about that the next time you write a tithe check! It could very well be that a lot of those kids didn’t want to be Scouts, that they were dragged there by parents that wanted them to have a good camp experience. That they resented the carefully controlled and isolated experience they had. It’s a shame they could not be part of the really great standard program our staff worked had to put on every week. They really did miss out on a program that may have done them some good.

your videos are always super informative ... im so glad such a beautiful, caring, sensitive , thoughtful soul like yourself managed to find your way out of that cult and also to find happiness and this time your own and honest happiness.

I’m a high schooler in Utah and I really like the band Queen. Sophomore year I was Freddie Mercury for Halloween, specifically Freddie from the I Want to Break Free music video, which all the band members had dressed in drag for. I went to school with a fake mustache and everything, it was so darn funny and I was excited to go to school. I got pointed at all day, people passing in the hallway said “ew”, and my white, Mormon friends who planned as a group to all be princesses for Halloween appeared to be uncomfortable around me. I’m not even LGBTQ, and that’s how I was treated for dressing up in a funny costume for Halloween!! I could only imagine how the actual LGBTQ kids at my school, some of which are my friends, are treated every single day. It’s unacceptable. I’ve also experienced racism as a person of color in Utah high school. Utah is NOT a diverse state. Everyone is extremely assuming and they believe many negative stereotypes of race. Of course this isn’t true for everyone here, and I’ve had good experiences in high school, but I believe that the horrible ways that people have been taught to treat one another can and should be changed, which is why I believe it is important to bring these things up and discuss our experiences with them.

Trans woman here, and grew up Mormon & in Davis County. And I remember saying all the same racist/queerphobic things growing up, which I of course regret. And I CANNOT imagine what it would be like to be a teacher, it must have been awful…

Boy what a first year for teaching! I'm sorry for all that you endured along with your faith awakening. That's crazy! I Live in Utah and have a degree in Education but only substitute teach for time being. I could relate on some of your experiences. I'm happy for where you are at in life and truly feel you are Educating Now and in a Safer Environment than Ever! Keep Doing You! And Thankyou! ❤

thank you for being a queer (??) kid's emotional support english teacher - a queer kid with an emotional support english teacher

thank you for talking about the lack of s. ed. for children and teens. i have noticed that most people advocating against s. ed. for children are, at best, ignorant and, at worst, concerned their vict.m will learn what is happening. education is power. right on

In gr5 we watched soldiers in WWI dying. Some got tossed in the air from mines or explosions. I cried. Other kids laughed. I asked the teacher, why are they laughing? She said "I don't know."

As a queer adult, I still run into queerphobic adults who harass and belittle me for being openly who I am. I feel very sad for them. They cannot be happy with their lives if they actively pick on others to make themselves feel better.

Hey Alyssa, I just want you to know that reacted to these horrible situations in a very brave and mature way for a 23 year old. It may have made more of an impact on the students than you realize. I was bullied in school to and none of the teachers ever said anything. There was another student who told the others to stop one time. It was really important to me that someone stood up for me once. I remember it to this day. I think it's wonderful that you recognized the students worth and humanity. Hopefully the ones that made fun of Emmett Till did some reflecting afterwards. Maybe it was the first time someone even said to them that they need to show empathy to black people

Alyssa, your empathy and care for the essay writing student is so clear. I know that regret can completely take over our memories in situations like that and it’s so tough to look back on events where we should’ve acted differently. You were a positive influence in his life for seeing him for the bright young person he was. You yourself were young, and deserve grace, especially considering how far you’ve come and how deeply you still care for that student in particular. Thank you for being so vulnerable in this video, hopefully students like him can see these videos and know that they’re loved and seen. ❤

I can hardly remember anything from middle and high school in Utah. Due to bullying and queer trauma, as well as some childhood trauma I hadn't dealt with yet at the time, I repressed my memories of public school entirely. A couple years ago I went back to my high school to drop off a thank you note to the only teacher who was kind to me, and it was as if I had never been in the building before. Nothing even looked familiar to me. If I try to remember middle and high school, all that comes back to me is a deep feeling of pain. Utah is not a good place to grow up, especially if you're not white and cishet.

I can listen to your voice all day. Your rambles are so engaging.

This video brought me to tears. How horrible. I commend you so so much for sharing this.

I was a social studies/English teacher at a Utah school that had a large population of LGBTQ+ students. I remember being about two years into that job and feeling like, if there was a God who had a plan for me, this is where he would want me to be. Of course my Mormon relatives thought this line of thinking was so completely flawed, but I loved that job, and I had a passion for teaching and for working with those kids. That being said, it did take its toll on my mental health. I can't even count the number of students who left to go to long-term treatment programs who never came back. I lost several to suicide, and one was murdered by their own father. Those that did stay had stories of bullying, abuse, SA, and more. It was heartbreaking. In the classoom and the school, there were hard lines drawn between the LDS students and the LGBTQ+ students. They hated each other, and while many learned to co-exist, it didn't stop me from having to break up multiple arguments between the two groups over the years. I worked there up until the end of the 2022/2023 school year, and those last few years also brought restrictive laws passed by the state legislature about trans students in sports, what kinds of books were and were not allowed (and the process for getting them approved), CRT, and more. I actually had to stop buying books for my classroom because I did not have the staff or the resources to go through the state-mandated process of getting those books approved. I had to construct my lessons very carefully so as not to even remotely suggest that I might be teaching CRT (I wasn't, but some people will accuse you of it anyway). Thankfully, most parents at the school were supportive, but many were not really involved and didn't want to be, which further added to the stress and frustration on my plate. After six years, I was burned out, and the salary would not cover the cost of living in Salt Lake anymore. I finally quit and moved on to other things. If I had one message for parents and students, it would be this: Please consider the negative impacts that your teachings have on children (yours and other children). All of the hate and fighting is disruptive to learning. It literally ruins and even ends lives. Teachers are already overwhelmed, and students have enough things to tear each other apart over without adding things like religiously-sanctioned racism and homophobia to the list. No one in a school should have to spend time and resources cleaning up that mess, and no one should have their life ruined because of it. I haven't decided yet if I will go back to teaching, but if I do, it will be imperative for me to find some kind of support system in or out of school to help me deal with the larger impacts that religion has on public schools. I've heard from others who have taught or worked out of state that this issue is fairly unique to Utah in the sense that the exclusion that happens here is so calculated and planned (it's not your standard school-yard bullying). That's scary to think about and something that I hope more people take notice of and try to change for the better.

Hi there, I am currently going to Utah Public School. I am going into my Junior year. My family is exmormon and this video is very accurate to a lot of parts of mormon high school culture. The story of you saying that the kid said, "I don't have any issue with gay people, I just don't want them around me" is one of the most accurate things I have ever heard. I do think things have gotten better, but the amount of white kids I've heard say the n-word really does make this video ring true.

hi alyssa! i’ve seen all your videos and just recently finished your episode on the Mormon stories podcast. thanks for being so personal and vulnerable. you’ve given me so much to think about, even in the context of finding identity. xxx

Hi Alyssa! I’m excited to buy your book in Audiobook format! I looked for your book in Audible, and was excited when you mentioned that you were working on an Audiobook version! 😃💙

Greatly appreciate your videos Alyssa! You're so articulate and thoughtful.

This absolutely lines up with having watched two of my kids go through the Utah school system. I'm glad there was at least someone like your for a year down there. My kids did have a few fantastic teachers along the way but boy howdy the stories they have of some of the others, and even worse, the LDS kids they grew up with are just horrifying.

For an introvert you speak so well and I love your compassion for others

Saddened but fascinated by these stories. Thanks for making this.

Hi Alissa! Greetings from Spain. I have found in a second-hand book store a Spanish copy of BoM edited in 1980 😂. I paid 2€. I couldn’t help it. No trace about Lemanites being the the main (or among) ancestors of amenindians 😅😅 maybe that was too much for a spanish audience 😂😂😂

Your presentation is so honest and real, Alyssa. Such a breath of fresh air. Much thanks.

my teachers would always disregard the hateful things my peers would say and often laugh along with it, it was really sad to see

"that racist time was so long ago" Ahh yes, back in thee olden days of 55, when you're parents (or maybe grandparents) were young. Back then television was called television, and phones were connected to the wall. Just think all the current politicians we have today were just starting their careers in office! Oh yes, such a by gone era of yore.

Any Mormon kid I went to church with, if they were in the 'popular' group, which was all of them save for a few of the 'not pretty or cute' crowd was a NIGHTMARE. They were so mean and disrespectful and hateful, both in and out of church.

I could tell this was a very emotionally draining video to put together. Thank you for sharing your experiences, and for caring about the students who were ostracized by their classmates. I hope that one who had to withdraw from school went on to a much better situation and is living a full and happy life now…

Thank you. I was a gay kid going up in Logan in the 70's 80"sand 90's. Thank you for your heart and your compassion, and that you for sharing it with the wider world. It will help someone who needs it and whom you may never know.

In a rare piece of engagement I was able to sit through your entire video and was moved by your heartfelt testimony. As a teacher who also experienced a crisis of faith of sorts, I recalled my own days as a teacher in state school as you recounted your own. Sadly, the situation you described is not limited to your Mormon town, or even I fear, to America, but is something I also experienced living and working in Europe. I have one little piece of advice to you if you ever decide to return to teaching. I was amused by the part in your story where you described being completely stressed trying to learn 180 kids' names. I had exactly the same problem and for years I tried all sorts of things to try to remember them, including flash cards at one point. Faces, no problem, but names and faces together, forget it. I really was getting very stressed about it but one day, I realised something: the kids who stood out, whether they did or said something clever, or whether they just were somehow a little bit different, these were the kids whose names I remembered quite effortlessly. After this I dropped all pretense of fooling myself or them, that I would remember everyone's name. And so, I began every new class at the beginning of the year, with a confession, and a challenge. I would tell them, I am not good at remembering names but there was one thing they could do that would almost guarantee I remember them which was simply this. Be remarkable. Alas, the culture of education and the mediocrity many young people endure is more or less universal. There were some remarkable people there and I am hoping that others heard the message and that later, as you say, figured out what to do with it. Like you I left state teaching. Difference is seldom tolerated there and much less celebrated. The system and the culture around it are not built for the individual. We aren't all meant to be remarkable but the least we can do is at least permit the possibility.

I grew up and went to school in Salt Lake as a non Mormon and I can definitely say I witnessed a lot of what you speak about in this video. My personal opinion is the Mormon kids almost acted out more at school in regard to homophobia/racism because it was there way of “being bad” or “edgy” without “actually doing anything wrong”

I've been a substitute teacher for some time now, and I had a particular bad set of students in one of the high school core classes. They did all the things, eat in class, cause messes and not clean up, play loud music, talk back, stink bombs, rough-housing, messing with my personal effects, etc. I complained to the principal and VPs, and instead of disciplining the students, they sent another teacher, the academic coach, to tell me how to teach better. Now, I have subbed a lot of classes; physics, chem, gen sci, history, art, alg I, alg II, geometry, stats, trig, calc, etc, and IMHHO, the number one biggest determinant on behavior / scholastic integrity: Is it a required class? All the required classes typically had problematic kids. These were the kids that had to be there. Whereas the higher maths, sciences, and AP / honors classes didn't have problems. Oh, and that academic coach that told me all the things she does to keep her class well behaved?!? She only taught honors and AP. She didn't even have a regular English class.

Amazing Video. Just simply amazing you sharing this. Thank you.

Just wanted to say I enjoyed hearing your stories. It's nice to hear things from the teacher's perspective. I had a lot of issues in high school (not one of your students).

Greetings from India! I love hearing your thoughts Alyssa, and the information you share is so interesting and has so much depth. Can’t wait for the next video 🫶

really appreciate you sharing this alyssa. i really felt that story about your essayist student and the abuse they suffered. i hope they're ok! american fork has always scared me, even when I was sheltered queer kid visiting family in Utah!

Thank you for opening up, and it seems like these are not just Utah issues. I also was a 14 year old student in Utah public schools and it was rough for me. In hindsight I feel massive cringe about my foibles in life and I have self-reflection and empathy enough to forgive myself and others for mis-steps at the time. I remember so many teachers as my heroes!! Please forgive those kids and accept that they will probably figure things out along the way. Side note love your book!!

what you said about teaching kids about sex and sexuality is so, so important! i also live in a country/culture where sex is so taboo that we don't get much aside from anatomy lessons at school with regards to sex and reproduction (much less about consent and the like), and it's very common for everyone including adults, to not have a lot of knowledge about sex. i was personally exposed to sex and porn at quite a young age and lived in a part of the global north for a few years where our teachers literally talked to us about masturbation (!!! which is amazing btw), and while i do wish my exposure was more gradual and that there was someone who was older who wasn't abusive or judgemental to talk about these things with, i do _not_ regret learning about sex and sexuality. even _then_ i've made a lot of mistakes when it comes to things like safety. sex education is so important and kids are already so vulnerable that i think the only thing an abstinence only sex education and sex being such a topic of taboo does is give abusers easier access to their victims.

i love your vibe alyssa you seem like a genuine person and learning about mormonism is already fascinating but you make it a great experience to hear about. i feel so sorry for your essay writing student, and i hope your feedback and support of his essay gave him some solace in his difficult environment. i have watched all of your videos and i will continue to watch as they come out. great work :)