Revamp your sex life in 6 minutes | Ruth Ramsay

Revamp your sex life in 6 minutes | Ruth Ramsay | TEDxDaltVila

Рет қаралды 2,316,314

10 ай бұрын

Is there a simple mindset shift that can radically improve our sex lives? One which can apply whatever our circumstances, experience or preferences? Yes! Sex coach Ruth Ramsay shares this shift, and how its ramifications go way beyond increasing our pleasure. Ruth Ramsay is an adult sex educator and coach. She helps people understand who they are sexually, how their bodies and minds work, what they need and desire, and how to communicate that. Her style is upbeat, shame-free and pleasure-led.
Ruth holds a coaching diploma backed with vast life experience. She won an Erotic Award for campaigning for the sexual rights of people with disabilities; was a striptease artist for 14 years; teaches exotic dance; and has been a sex journalist, activist and more. Her mission is for sexual energy to be recognised as a force for good. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

Пікірлер: 857

@billpetersen298 10 ай бұрын

For the hobby method to work. Both partners have to have, a reasonable level of interest already. I’m many relationships, one partner will try anything, the other won’t even talk about it.

@donnieearlharrisjr5941 10 ай бұрын

Amen!!

@grote__julia 10 ай бұрын

Sounds like incompatibility to me!

@hanspersson9451 10 ай бұрын

@@grote__juliasounds like 3 kids and 20 years together to me...

@grote__julia 10 ай бұрын

@@hanspersson9451 seems like that long together would lead to better communication skills!

@hanspersson9451 10 ай бұрын

@@grote__julia That too is something that requires a mutual interest. Life sometimes gets complicated along the way.

@gipvision6937 7 ай бұрын

Step 1: find a partner

@tingting6889 Ай бұрын

Thats asking alot these days haha

@kevinfocht6982 Ай бұрын

😂

@nickthompson1812 4 күн бұрын

Step 1: improve yourself and your appearance Step 2: partners find you

@HerminiePA Ай бұрын

Mae West said, "if I got married, I'd have to give up my hobby." I expected this talk to be more like that.

@baldeagle5835 10 ай бұрын

Variety with a partner you love and respect can bring you to a level of trust and excitement unimaginable.

@lewashcliffe 10 ай бұрын

God, I wish I'd heard this talk when my wife was still alive and healthy. I would have shared this with her and could have helped us avoid so much emotional pain.

@TerryTibbs57 8 ай бұрын

God bless you brother

@raymondotoole2600 2 ай бұрын

You’ll see her when your time is right and you can have a conversation with her. Keep your chin up ! use this energy and see if there’s something else with someone.

@PriscilaHancock 10 ай бұрын

I took Ruth's course a few months ago then had a 1:1 session recently and it has simply been life changing. I feel so connected with my husband of 18 years but also much happier and fulfilled in other areas of life - family, work, friendships. Thank you Ruth xxx

@ruthramsay_ 10 ай бұрын

Thank you @PriscilaHancock - it's been my honour to help.

@markcavandish1295 10 ай бұрын

I am absolutely looking up her course material. Thanks!

@RiverDogRun 10 ай бұрын

How appropriate- I hit the 69th like.

@ToggleSwitch808 10 ай бұрын

❤❤❤

@tnix80 10 ай бұрын

She literally said nothing

@1964JEDAGI 4 ай бұрын

The planning part is easy. Every morning before breakfast. Every evening before sleep, and random times during the day.

@kylep8514 20 күн бұрын

My wife is done taking private tennis lessons.

@wisewomansexuality 10 ай бұрын

I love how the idea of asking our partner what they feel interested in doing the day in their hobby takes all the expectations away I might have on my partner and keeping it simple! Well said.

@richardpauly1635 10 ай бұрын

Nice pic I bet you keep your partner happy

@ebonyblack4563 6 ай бұрын

I know someone who's treated it like this for a long time, he and his polycule are some of the most open people about their needs I've ever known, and that goes far beyond their 'play'. Their levels of communication and respect for boundaries is phenomenal, if someone isn't in the mindset to handle something in the moment they understand how to handle that and return to the topic when they're better grounded for it. Nothing is completely off limits as long as it's approached respectfully and calmly. It's amazing being around people who truly are comfortable with sharing everything about themselves with their partners, it's a thing worth working toward for anyone in a relationship where that level of intimacy is avaliable.

@RustyKnorr 6 ай бұрын

Polycule? Really? Did you just get that on Wordle and had to look it up, and now you have to use it every chance you get? FFS 🤦‍♂️

@ruthramsay_ 6 ай бұрын

Great to hear. Poly people and kink people tend to be super-hot on communication, openness and enthusiastic consent. The mainstream world could learn so much from them!

@ebonyblack4563 6 ай бұрын

@@ruthramsay_ Absolutely Agree! That's been my experience being on the fringes of both communities too. The level of interest they expect before engaging in something is a big part of it. If they can't be sure you're really there for whatever they're patient and understanding in a way that was really healing to me after having been in an abusive relationship as a teen; it helped reframe many things into a much healthier place.

@kyf3557 10 ай бұрын

Thanks Ruth, well worded. It’s how I think about it, but didn’t have the words. This will help many❤

@simaroyaich-kf2vu 10 ай бұрын

Completely agree with you...even Without changing our partner we may play better if we slightly change our priority👍

@amandahurrell7399 10 ай бұрын

Brilliant Ruth- a really important message. Thank you x

@hsk2978 10 ай бұрын

if you want to get better in tennis, you can't play with the same person every time 😅

@_paper_chase_ 10 ай бұрын

Facts! 😂😂

@quazzydiscman 10 ай бұрын

That's absolutely not true... Clearly you don't know much about "tennis" 😂

@Qeybdiid25 10 ай бұрын

Haraam

@gabi_cnd 10 ай бұрын

You can. But the other person has to put time and interest in the tennis journey too. You can find a new way of seeing a tennis match if your partner is willing to do some changes too, and try new things. We don't need different people, we need different mindsets. Tho, it's good to try playing with people that are open minded, so you can learn how to play and find joy in the journey

@gijsleffelaar908 10 ай бұрын

Mixed double is the best game.😅

@louiseday3660 10 ай бұрын

Ruth this is so amazing!!! You spoke so well x

@ruthramsay_ 10 ай бұрын

Thank you Louise 🙂

@joshuapinter 9 ай бұрын

Couldn't agree more and such a perfect analogy to remove the stigma from thinking and talking about it. Great job!

@ruthramsay_ 9 ай бұрын

thank you, I'm so glad you liked it!

@cathyhoughton5016 10 ай бұрын

Amazingly well done Ruth, so proud of you!!!!

@richardpauly1635 10 ай бұрын

Nice pic

@pritamsri 10 ай бұрын

All I can say is - she found a platform to speak her fav hobby and also do business. 😄😃

@charliexu5139 10 ай бұрын

Business for sure.

@mughalische 10 ай бұрын

Totally makes sense, thanks for revamping.

@ermonnezzasoio 3 ай бұрын

The best and more natural advices on this topic I´ve ever heard in my life!!

@ruthramsay_ 3 ай бұрын

Thank you! I'm pleased you enjoyed it.

@emmatownsend9259 10 ай бұрын

Totally inspirational talk from an very inspirational woman. Amazing stuff Ruth ❤

@richardpauly1635 10 ай бұрын

Nice pic I bet you keep your men happy

@healingwomanhood 7 ай бұрын

Brilliant talk! So beneficial to be able to communicate openly and overcome the shame.

@ruthramsay_ 7 ай бұрын

thank you! So glad to hear you enjoyed it.

@fad23 3 ай бұрын

I'm glad she mentioned "including solo."

@BloobUbloobok 8 ай бұрын

I have realized that is exactly what I was doing last several years , but I did not have words to explain, nice approach, thanks. 🙂

@ruthramsay_ 8 ай бұрын

Thank you, I'm glad it gave you the words to describe your approach.

@AschPintura 10 ай бұрын

YES RUTH. THATS MY FRIEND 😭😭 being the intelligent legend that she is 💜💜💜 follow her, BOOK HER COURSE. You will never find a safer space discussing these topics than you will with Ruth

@larrymendoza2570 5 ай бұрын

Bravo! Positive, exceptional advice - I like that view! Thank you

@shynickel8239 10 ай бұрын

Have been a practioneer of this idea for 50 years, she is correct.

@ruthramsay_ 10 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing your life experience, that's great to hear!

@user-zf3ed4oo6g 10 ай бұрын

Great stuff Ruth!!❤❤❤

@simonsitinjak 7 ай бұрын

3:20 Most of what we are told when we are young is what can go wrong. 4:15 Let's start thinking about it like a hobby. This is a positive affirmative. 6:05 Skill remember: Communication, creativity, empathy.

@djdavidphillips 10 ай бұрын

Awesome Ruth I'm so happy this is out there. Well done xx

@ruthramsay_ 10 ай бұрын

@djdavidphillips thank you so much. A TEDx talk from you next??

@adventurecoalition3690 10 ай бұрын

Great analogy

@mayankoza352 10 ай бұрын

Great talk with relatable examples.. 🙌🏻

@IzziedeD 10 ай бұрын

probably the best tedx i've ever seen

@ananascarpenter 10 ай бұрын

Interesting and inspiring approach❣

@alihendrycoaching350 10 ай бұрын

Absolutely love this reframe! Thank you for the valuable and inclusive work you do.

@robbarrell 10 ай бұрын

Unless they’re an Olympic pro

@gregglockhart9551 10 ай бұрын

Thanks! I appreciate you!

@Relicarious 10 ай бұрын

Such an excellent reframing! Thank you. I was nearly there, as are many of the people I know, but mostly by happenstance - and you just delivered the recipe. I think a bit of scheduling and calling for some training sessions for the upcoming season would be cause for laughs - important! - and simply quite a lot of joy in these parts. I don't think it was mentioned in your talk but there is something powerful in converting expectation (with all the fraughts and perils) into anticipation and excitement (let's see what happens Tuesday).

@ruthramsay_ 10 ай бұрын

@Relicarious yes! I love that - converting expectation into anticipation. There were hundreds... thousands... more things I'd have loved to say in the talk, but I only had six minutes. Next time! So glad you enjoyed it, thank you for sharing your thoughts.

@Relicarious 10 ай бұрын

@@ruthramsay_ I bet there was! And that conversion speaks to a lot of things also from the wisdom of Emily Nagoski - I assume you are familiar, if not, you will find something there with which I bet you will align very well - and for me is about moving out of the critical mindset and make space for creaticity and exploration. "Next time", you say - Yes! I will look forward to more of what you wish to share.

@fredziarz 10 ай бұрын

My Love and I do the exact thing and have the exact attitude as she says. I feel so good that we follow unconsciously those best practices.

@ruthramsay_ 10 ай бұрын

That's great to hear!

@JeuanS 3 ай бұрын

Want to live the dreams, Mr Pool

@kevinmichael4829 9 ай бұрын

Thanks for your advice. I’ve since started a tennis league. I have matches all week long now.

@aaronunroe5267 10 ай бұрын

What an amazing presentation

@LastNightADJSavedMyLife 10 ай бұрын

Super well done Ruth , may it get seen by many x

@drusmith6463 10 ай бұрын

concur!,,, already waiting at the pub!!

@ruthramsay_ 10 ай бұрын

Thank you so much! I'm amazed and delighted with viewing figures so far!

@infantnelson9356 Ай бұрын

Amazingly conveyed❤❤,

@huub245 10 ай бұрын

Nothing short of genius. Thanks for the knowledge.

@ruthramsay_ 10 ай бұрын

@huub245 so happy it landed so well for you. Enjoy putting it into practice!

@AA-qg2hu 10 ай бұрын

Looking at Ruth’s collar 👀🧐

@technov1king 5 ай бұрын

she just loves it, it shines all the way through her

@kennethreynolds8 5 ай бұрын

Good analogy Ruth, even experienced couples can get better with a little good coaching.

@alastairnaughton1288 3 ай бұрын

Great presentation!

@manueljiza 10 ай бұрын

"We just hope we'll spontaneously want it at the same time"

@slipperybeastaviationfishingsh 10 ай бұрын

Very well explained and informative accurate video. Thank you for sharing

@ruthramsay_ 10 ай бұрын

I am glad you found it useful, thank you for your feedback 🙂

@isabelmartin40 6 ай бұрын

Thank U!! That is very very good!👏👏👏👏

@patrickpoland9223 4 ай бұрын

Awesome analogy and talk thank you Ruth 😀

@ruthramsay_ 3 ай бұрын

Happy you enjoyed it. Hope you have fun putting it into practice!

@henrikohm 10 ай бұрын

For many people it is not about the choice. Its about being with a person that does not turn you on but a person with who you have children and leaving is a high cost. I agree with the hobby statement.

@melmier3500 10 ай бұрын

But you've chosen to have children and to be a Family?!

@schroederluck7984 10 ай бұрын

@@melmier3500consider the possibilities. Maybe their partner ballooned up to 300 pounds and are not physically attractive anymore.

@melmier3500 10 ай бұрын

@@schroederluck7984 we don't know what Future hold. I guess I'm a little bit tired of people acting like they don't have a choice. Humans Change and our bodies are changing as Well. Gainig weight can have a Lot of different reasons. Would be great if a Partner can help and motivate to Change a Lifestyle amd behavouir and sometimes accept a Situation If the reason are health issues for example. I guess I'm a little bit tired of people blaming others and acting like they don't have a choice. We tend to be lazy and are often not willing to change something even if we are not happy. Love and grattitude are powerful 🌤️💕 Wish you all the best

@mabriff 8 ай бұрын

@@schroederluck7984 Exactly. The love is still there, but physical attraction is a real struggle.

@ShrinkiesWife 28 күн бұрын

@@schroederluck7984 MFT for couples therapy is an option.

@erikschaepers 10 ай бұрын

Brilliant comparison ..! Thank you

@ruthramsay_ 10 ай бұрын

I'm glad you liked it - thank you for commenting 🙂

@cindyborcherding8927 10 ай бұрын

Absolutely communication is important with your partner. If you cant talk about what you want then you are with the wrong partner. 😉😊

@desertsunset8025 10 ай бұрын

I don't think she is promoting divorce or breaking up from a meaningful relationship .

@heatherstocker4171 10 ай бұрын

Or you've been raised in a very conservative household.

@MindyTunnell 6 ай бұрын

Absolutely not true.

@HeyYouSA 10 ай бұрын

Amazing Ruth!

@Vladimir_osteo 10 ай бұрын

Thank you! Wonderful comparing🎉

@ruthramsay_ 10 ай бұрын

I'm glad you found it a useful watch 🙂

@SeaThatPilot 10 ай бұрын

Amazing Ruth. ❤❤

@nobsblend 10 ай бұрын

Ruth is fantastic, and we love this talk 👏

@user-gz2kj1me3x 10 ай бұрын

So simple and obvious - I can't wait to re-frame :)

@12bluering 6 ай бұрын

brilliant talk

@mabi9731 3 ай бұрын

must watch for everyone

@GriffWild 10 ай бұрын

Grateful for this reframe.

@ruthramsay_ 10 ай бұрын

Glad you found it useful, thank you for commenting 🙂

@kidkava 7 ай бұрын

Flawless presentation.

@Curious68 10 ай бұрын

Thank you

@barrysmith8920 10 ай бұрын

Great talk, I totally agree

@ruthramsay_ 10 ай бұрын

@barrysmith8920 thank you!

@marianopie3785 2 күн бұрын

Cool advice indeed

@kathleendixon4125 9 ай бұрын

Thank you.

@NeilHarper1 9 ай бұрын

Fantastic talk. Thank you.❤

@ruthramsay_ 8 ай бұрын

I hope you enjoy putting it into practice!

@powerfuleric7398 9 ай бұрын

Thank you for this! Great job!

@ruthramsay_ 8 ай бұрын

Glad you enjoyed it, thank you for commenting.

@giacomofrattini4456 6 ай бұрын

Wise words :) liked so much!

@user-gg5ov9hq6g 10 ай бұрын

Great article 👏

@paulmeszesan8970 10 ай бұрын

❤

@richardpauly1635 10 ай бұрын

Nice pic and 😃

@thefpvlife7785 7 ай бұрын

Sadly it takes two to make this happen as the one watching this is the only one who’s on board.

@blackknight9558 Ай бұрын

She did say, "Solo".

@Ewinter3707 4 ай бұрын

I love this!

@emmasfather999 10 ай бұрын

Well done Ruth. Proud of you!

@wendellrider1212 8 ай бұрын

Excellent lecture!

@ruthramsay_ 8 ай бұрын

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

@fellipemarques1247 4 ай бұрын

Foi com esse vídeo que eu comecei a praticar tênis, mudou minha vida

@TheCucabarra 8 ай бұрын

Wow hahaha this is exactly what my mom thought me when I was a teenager in the 2000’s. She thought me to see it as a hobby, like tennis! It was such a good lesson for me! ❤

@ruthramsay_ 8 ай бұрын

That's amazing that your Mom described it this way!

@RustyKnorr 6 ай бұрын

It’s TAUGHT, not thought. Maybe she should have also taught you how to spell. 🤦‍♂️

@adunknowng 6 ай бұрын

@@RustyKnorrI tawt I taw a puddy tat

@wiksson 10 ай бұрын

Well done Ruth! 👏🏼

@ximenafuentes3522 3 ай бұрын

What a wonderful talk! ❤

@ruthramsay_ 3 ай бұрын

thank you, I'm delighted you enjoyed it so much :)

@sandeepcyno 4 ай бұрын

Communication , Creativity, Empathy

@claravanser7989 9 ай бұрын

Great talk! I 100% agree

@ruthramsay_ 8 ай бұрын

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed the talk.

@CurriedBat 10 ай бұрын

Ah, not a bad idea. Put it on the shelf with all the others that I'll never get around to doing. Hehe

@gbengaogun 10 ай бұрын

What a talk! I just found my new hobby!

@jenyadyo6 10 ай бұрын

Brilliant!

@AmanCreatesArt 11 күн бұрын

This makes the movie Challengers make even more sense! 🎾💜🎾💜🎾

@piranhaparran3007 10 ай бұрын

I LOVE IT!!!

@ctwarmuth Ай бұрын

God bless you woman.

@jamielancaster01 3 ай бұрын

My wife of 24 yrs play tennis everyday! We both love TENNIS but only together no doubles!

@nun-chan9433 10 ай бұрын

Thank you Ramsay for your epic bliss story. I'm an intermediate English learner. I've first heard most comprehensible talk in TED talk. I would like to make this video my textbook. But when I'd encounter that 3 letters, my solo violent activity would come not to be stopped even if I'd grit my teeth. I hope these three letter would be changed into 'it' or 'debate' or better stuff.

@k6fgj Ай бұрын

What a fantastic idea 👍

@waldemarkrupa2744 10 ай бұрын

Sounds so good. Thanks

@carlos.deoliveirafilho 10 ай бұрын

amazing!!!

@earncryptoz 10 ай бұрын

I would have to watch this over and over again 😍😍😍 Thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

@ruthramsay_ 10 ай бұрын

@earncryptoz so glad you like it! Thank you for commenting.

@diverbrent 9 ай бұрын

Simply brilliant, thank you!!

@ruthramsay_ 8 ай бұрын

I'm glad you enjoyed it 🙂

@thibod07 10 ай бұрын

Interesting approach! We decided to take a hobby and never came back to sexe! Both our quality of lifes actually greatly improved in doing it. Yes indeed hobbies are great things to do.

@docwatson1134 10 ай бұрын

Please tell...what hobbies?

@anthonyb5630 10 ай бұрын

What hobby?

@kimi651 10 ай бұрын

Hobby: side chick, 😂😂

@darmazzy1 9 ай бұрын

Always has and is STILL my favorite hobby😉🔥💓

@sureshbolagani9041 Ай бұрын

We don't educate ourselves... correct 💯...

@thatoneguy1821 10 ай бұрын

The Hobby analogy assumes that both partners have an interest in that Hobby. I married someone that later came out as asexual and can attest that this definitely is not always the case

@davidjennings2179 10 ай бұрын

Not everyone likes tennis either.

@thatoneguy1821 10 ай бұрын

@@davidjennings2179 And?

@davidjennings2179 10 ай бұрын

@@thatoneguy1821 It doesn't assume both partners have an interest in the hobby, the video is just addressing the situation where they are both interested. The analogy still works if they aren't, it just assumes the connection is clear. If someone doesn't like tennis no one is making them play (hopefully).

@ruthramsay_ 9 ай бұрын

@thatoneguy1821 mismatched interest in 'the hobby' is the most common issue people are describing in the comments under my talk... I will be preparing a workshop or resource around this soon. Thank you for sharing your situation.

@teinspringz 8 ай бұрын

@@ruthramsay_ Interested to know if this workshop is called divorce and legal uncoupling