It is depressing. It will leave you exhausted and in a state of confusion if you are married to one.

Because that's exactly what it is. Us trying to put any logic to them and how they behave was/is the mistake of our lives!

Ttue very calculated

Not really, because we sense their inner pain. The challenge is how to deal with the situation especially if you can't leave for any reason.

That's their trick! You are so gaslighted, so confused that making sense out of anything is impossible. Maybe you can begin by establishing and maintaining stronger boundaries and starting to keep a journal. It seems nothing big but it is very effective. This'll slowly change YOU into evolving into a saner, stronger individual.

Its a trauma bond and cognitive dissonance There are several excellent resources available online to break free, journalling as mentioned in previous comment is highly effective, there is also free material available if money is tight. If you can afford online narcissistic coaching that is highly recommended. But the first step is to distance yourself from the narcissistic offender to see clearly. You can't see the Forrest from the trees so you need distance to collect your thoughts and stay grounded. Narcissists keep you in a dazed fog of disillusionment to keep you stuck in confusion. To keep you blind in a smokescreen cover up. They distract you to keep you under their thumb like Bambi in the headlights. Leaving is ideal but it's not ez as you have to go through intense psychological and physical withdrawal symptoms. Its a proven chemical physical addiction just like quitting cigarettes, heroin, etc. It takes an average of 7 times to finally break free for good so don't be hard on yourself for going back. Quitting an addiction Cold turkey is like ripping the band aid off quickly versus peeling it back slowly. It hurts like h3ll initially but gets better over time. Education is key 🗝️ to setting yourself free from them and from the guilt blame and shame you may carry. You can do this, it will get better .

Also pretend not to care a bit, whatever they do. If they are nice to you or give you a compliment or a big gift, don't be over the moon. Just say a happy thank you and a peck on the cheek ( at the most.) Don't give them any big reaction, basically.

Me too. There is the reality and there is what I wish reality was. Polar opposites and it's tearing me apart.

@@kaitlincox9714 Cognitive dissonance is swinging back n forth from the false reality or illusion to the the harsh reality of what is. Its so painful 💔 to accept the reality that we look the other way as a form of self preservation but it's only a band aid. Its a temporary crutch bcuz the reality always comes 👀 seeping back in and we can't unsee it 🙈 The only way to break free is not ez but it works and that is withdrawal or complete detachment. You can pull the bandaid off quickly or peel it back slowly but eventually it's off permanently when you're healed. Some say you heal quicker without a bandaid 😉

You expect her to go through all his videos? At least link a video. She's unlikely contradicting him, it's more likely nuance that YOU don't get.

What is it that she doesn't get? How can you make a statement like that and not even explain WHY you said it. You make no sense. However, everything Danielle said makes perfect sense to me.

Danielle knows what she's talking about. Maybe there was something you didn't understand perhaps? A person can watch all the videos in the world, read all the books and have an arm's length of degrees. But there's nothing to compare with actually living the experience to know. Those who have recognize others who have.

Danielle makes perfect sense to me!