I’ve thought about the Abilene paradox for years and I think it is often just a case of people hoping that the new option will prove to be good and it seldom is.

What if the trip to Abilene was actually better than the regret of not having done something together as a group? What if the ‘terrible trip to Abilene’ turns out to be the most memorable part of that holiday? What if the story of that trip becomes a kind of paradoxical story that invigorates the imagination of others? The point is that we don’t really know what’s the best path. Sometimes we learn a lot from a real life tragedy that we wish we hadn’t had to experience.

Sounds like the problem with social media. If the preference of 4 out of 5 people in a group is to go along with the majority -- that just amplifies the preferences of the 1 in 5. In other words, groups naturally pull toward the most extreme position.

Great explaining.

Being too nice is not always the same thing as following the golden rule. Happy new year, prof!

Thank you Daniel ..great reflection…

Studied it as Union rep in early 2000 as state steward and military in senior leadership training

I think the dad unconsciously kinda wanted to go to Abiline's but flipped 180 when others said they didn't like it🤭

Perhaps it's a problem of not wanting to be seen as 'different' from your group? If they all wrote down their preference privately, on paper, then the preferences could be tallied. Then no one would feel as if they 'stood out' from the others? So perhaps not people pleasing at all, more a fear of being perceived as different?

Sometimes i feel like this channel is grasping at straws... im going to apply what i am now going to call the William Murphy Paradox - that is, every veiwer that comes to this channel leaves here saying "that was an interesting paradox" yet each person was really thinking "that was just a story- that was not even a paradox. This is like how people confuse a coincidence with irony." And yet one by one they feel compelled to comment differently. I really hope the Wm Murphy paradox gains traction in the philosophy community.

Nah it was the fault of the father in law. Everyone else was just being polite and deferred to him.

It does not seem like you considered the fear of being rejected as a motivator versus altruism

and if people are genuinely being selfless, I think it's just sometimes failing. at least people do get 50% right and go to good path IoI even if this situation is solved, we just found a mistake of a detailed part of a whole selflessness and will make another one later then adjust then find another one. my point is because types of acts that count as selflessness are too many so it's better to just laugh off at the situation and focus on how everyone worked hard to warm each other, not going to Adeline or whatever isn't the focus, it's the people's handwork to be nice that's the lively part of their life

"pathological altrusim"

I guess it happens regarding negative things too, like racism and crime?

I feel like all the morality adults have are just having conceptual people following them. So that's why morality fails frequently because the person's doing it for them instead of actually looking through the people xD

G'day

What if the trip to Abilene was great?

There is something wrong with your video auto focus. The video is focusing in & out. Its hard to see you. It's better when I just listen to you without looking at the video feed.

I’m sorry but no. Life would be better if people tried to do what they thought others wanted. U’re making it seem as if we can’t learn each other’s preferences and act accordingly. Every cultural, social, and moral advancement came from trying to help others and putting others before one’s self. Yes people can be too nice, but let’s not act as if that’s the problem society is having now, because it’s definitely not. Kindness is a fundamental part of virtue. Problem is Christianity doesn’t teach real virtue or morality. In fact, it can be Christian values that may keep people from speaking up and letting their preferences be known. I bet many Christian men think/thought if they were women, then they would want to be controlled, so based on the golden rule they control women. Obviously u can’t only use ur own experiences and likes to make judgments about others, u have to learn what they prefer from them.