The Best Chance for True Intimacy

Рет қаралды 35,214

3 жыл бұрын

A man asks how to approach a newly forming intimate relationship.
This clip has been taken from Rupert's Retreat in Copenhagen in November 2018. To watch the full video, please visit the link below.
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Пікірлер: 73

@Sydebern 3 жыл бұрын

This resonates heavily with me. As a 35 year old male i never had a relationship before. I always had social anxiety and shyness. Also, i'm introverted so i like to be alone. In my late 20's i began to embark on a spiritual journey with psychedelics and not much later i discovered non-duality (and also Rupert Spira). It taught me that happiness only comes from within. Even though i still absolutely believe that, even know this to be true, my mind used this understanding to get away farther from the world, to isolate even more. But now, just some months ago i've got a girlfriend. I wasn't even really seeking for someone, it just sort of happened and we fell in love. And already this relationship has taught me a lot of things i couldn't have learned just by myself. We both feel as if the universe/grace has given us eachother and are truly grateful for it. At the same time, i feel that my non-dual understanding is sufficient to never again really believe that happiness can be derived from outside of myself, not even from her. And just as Rupert says here, at the beginning i have told her i do not need her. And she understands. And because of that, we can just share our love with each other, without needing to receive each other's affection. Of course, we enjoy each other's company greatly, but we are okay without each other as well. We are living apart together and i will see her next wednesday. Really looking forward to it! I really feel blessed by the universe to get to experience this. Just a few months ago i thought i would never and genuinely was okay with that. But it makes the experience of life so much richer and as a guy who has problems with showing my emotions, i learn a great deal about this now. So i wholeheartedly agree with Rupert. Advaita is just half of the way. Don't get stuck there as i have for many years...

@Sydebern Жыл бұрын

@@panlamm7649 No, it only lasted about 3 quarters of a year. And i have been in a second relationship since, but that one also stranded at the start of this year... I've known some highs and lows of love, one could say... If i knew then, what i know now, i wouldn't have started with those relationships. But then again, i'm glad i didn't know, because all in all, they were very valuable life experiences for me. In a way, they were not really what i wanted, but what i needed. Pain was caused to me, but i also caused pain and that last thing weighs very hard on me. But i also see that i grew because of it. I cannot see myself getting into another relationship anytime soon, as i am quite the einzelgänger too. But i think eventually, i would like to try it again. Being together with a life partner is a beautiful thing when it goes well and a horrible thing when it doesn't. And the reason that it didn't work out, was also my fault. I just take my life lessons and continue on bettering myself and maybe, i will find a nice woman again in the future. But even if i don't, i'm happy by myself. :) I've been single most of my life and able to be happy on my own. It's just, that being in a relationship that goes well, adds a lot more happiness and fulfilment. Are you happy on your own, or would you like to experience a relationship with a woman?

@Sydebern Жыл бұрын

@@panlamm7649 I am Dutch and we use that word, among some other German words, but my German is not really that good. Not that good as my English. If you don't mind, can you type it in English?

@Sydebern Жыл бұрын

@@panlamm7649 That's cool! No i don't know Naropa. I know Nargis, from youtube. She's Dutch and talks about non-duality. By the way, i do love languages and i'm gonna brush up on my German. I think it's important to know it well, as our biggest neighbour. But first, i'm more interested in learning the Scandinavian languages.

@Sydebern Жыл бұрын

@@panlamm7649 I've never been to a satsang myself, but i've seen a lot on youtube. And i've read a couple of books and watched lot of content on non-duality. But the thing that started it all for me, were psychedelics. They showed me there was more to my/our existence. But all of them, really all of them were in some way distractions from real life. To me it's real simple now: be in that "place" in myself where "i" am not there. When i'm alone, but more important: when i am among "other people". That's why these relationships were so important. That's why family and friends are so important. And just talking to and greeting strangers on the street and in the supermarket for example. To test myself if i can stay in that "place", while the outside world seems to be more of a challenge. One can really get lost with the theory on spirituality/non-duality. Getting lost in reading and thinking about it. Even a satsang: people seem to look at it like something is going to happen there. But you cannot make this into an experience. It's an ongoing thing that is already the case.

@Sydebern Жыл бұрын

@@panlamm7649 I see where your coming from, but on the other hand, i think a happy relationship is a good thing to "have". I don't want one now either and i also know very well that it will not complete me or something like that. Happiness is already here, inside me. But happiness also wants to be shared and it's a beautiful thing to share your happiness. But therefore one must be grounded in happiness and his/her partner must at least not have trauma's and the like (which my ex-girlfriends had). For me, it is kind of the dream, because i know how good it can be. But i feel i still must become more established in my own happiness. I will see where life takes me. :)

@kylemasihan217 3 жыл бұрын

“Be open to the possibility that God has sent you this new friend to broaden and expand your experience.” “Your very own love of Truth has materialized in the outside world in the form of a person in order to help you expand your identity.” Absolutely beautiful and right on time. Thank you Rupert and the questioner.

@simonaschmidt 3 жыл бұрын

I love the humor here. And also the underlining of the importance of relation to understand love, beauty and truth.

@honkhonk5181 3 жыл бұрын

Her: “I really enjoyed our evening yesterday. Let’s get together again ASAP!” Me: “I don’t need you in order to be happy.”

@user-lw3ri8us4w 2 жыл бұрын

lmao 😅

@monicaleond 3 жыл бұрын

This is very beautiful. One of the best ways of explaining this. It's finally clear for me that no attachment doesn't mean no relationship/intimacy/love. Thank you ♥️

@innerlight617 3 жыл бұрын

excellent video! A happy relationship is the one of two already happy" individuals"

@davidsweeney111 3 жыл бұрын

A relationship will always be a problem if it is the only focus in your life, have other interests!

@JeremiahKlarman 3 жыл бұрын

I can relate to this guy, I think. I’ve been single for so many years that I’ve started to love being on my own and often can’t see myself in a relationship. I’m afraid that a relationship will cause me to lose touch with my inner solitude and freedom and I’m scared to enter one, largely for that reason. Thank you Rupert.

@Eazy_Danny 3 жыл бұрын

Rupert is such a delight listen.

@EdgarRamirez-so8ec 3 жыл бұрын

Yes he’s like a warm cup of tea personified lol

@Misslotusification 3 жыл бұрын

Such an elegance, he's almost a poet.

@OrganizedChaos43 3 жыл бұрын

Beautiful Rupert!

@iamruslan-zf7up4zz3o 3 жыл бұрын

Спасибо, Руперт! Пару лет назад, это случилось и со мной. Интуитивно всё так и сделал. И, действительно, узнал о "себе" много нового ))

@NareshAhuja 3 жыл бұрын

A clear message on true intimacy A wonderful way of living detached attachment The real source of Happiness All explained beautifully 🙏🙏♥️💚

@razoo9 3 жыл бұрын

Very beautifully explained 💕💕

@db-333 3 жыл бұрын

So well said ! ♥️

@philomena1539 3 жыл бұрын

So beautifully explained!

@annettesecogarden 3 жыл бұрын

Wonderfully expressed. Thank you.

@samzen9031 3 жыл бұрын

Great wisdom

@shanti888 3 жыл бұрын

Great question. Very healthy, functional answers ....thank you! First time hearing this speaker.

@DanielColageo 3 жыл бұрын

Beautiful. Thank you.

@MattiaPrometeo 3 жыл бұрын

great words! :)

@danielraj3315 3 жыл бұрын

Our Self includes all aspects of life and the light of awareness will direct itself towards those aspects that one is avoiding, because the spiritual journey is about experiencing a resistance free existence with choices and loads of possibilities. Relationships are my next big challenges, this is why it is relevant for me too, but same way as the questioner, I did establish the love of Truth and my intuition strongly enough to meet those aspects that had been avoided or needs healing/confrontation. Hiding will probably never work out in the long term, simply because it is not the spirits way. And we choose to awaken. So lets do it fully. ♥

@aditi5027 3 жыл бұрын

Just how few people get the essence of what Rupert is trying to say here. Every one perceives that they get it, but I wish everyone doubts their understanding and indulge into knowing their true self

@megos4063 3 жыл бұрын

I needed to see/hear this

@Jivano84 3 жыл бұрын

💞~Beautiful~💞 Thank you!🕉️🙏😌🕉️🤗☯️

@momsazombie1 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks Rupert

@krullmeister 3 жыл бұрын

Hi Rupert! Im very glad to have found you, you have helped me tremendously with my indentifications and thoughts that have taken me hostage for so many years! Glad im only 30 and walking this road to realizing my true nature! Hoppfully my veil and traumas isnt that thick to get through/release :) I wondered if you could direct me or make a video about schizofrenia. Have someone I would like to help out with that!

@sharonthe 3 жыл бұрын

The happiness that I feel in a relationship comes from the willingness of the partner to see me happy. I can't be happy only because of me and my inner world. I can't understand the paradox he is talking about. I had a partner that couldn't relate to the things that made me happy. I felt that he couldn't appreciate those things, and it made me feel so alone and unloved. I decided to leave him and the moment i did so I felt such a relief and happiness. I think that a good relationship is when you don't need to analyze it or yourself, you don't think about it, only enjoy the mutual appreciation. (sorry for my bad English, i am speaking a different language)

@aditi5027 3 жыл бұрын

Your happiness is independent of other persons actions. But when we talk about a relationship, it's indeed very intimate thing and it affects us if it suffocates our true self and constantly try to bombard us with their unconscious behaviour forcing us to behave unconsciously too. That's when one should leave.

@Misslotusification 3 жыл бұрын

@@aditi5027 Those people are perfect teachers as to not get engulfed into unconscious behaviour as well. I don't think any set of rules applies as for what to do in which cases tho'...

@camillabartlett9128 2 жыл бұрын

Your love of truth is well enough So you can expand into you new possibilities

@user-lw3ri8us4w 2 жыл бұрын

most people would think, “well what the hells the point of going through the hassle of a relationship if it’s not gonna make me happy?!”

@hahabobblehead2059 3 жыл бұрын

Rupert, your lockdown hair looks lovely. Please keep it :)

@mrjsneff 3 жыл бұрын

The video is from November 2018......so hardly lockdown hair!

@AndreasDelleske 3 жыл бұрын

Meh... well it’s just hair :) I’m glad he shaves, that is. I like to see a relaxed or smiling mouth area..

@jacksnow1381 3 жыл бұрын

it's simply not possible Rupert, when you fall in love you are simply attached to your loved one

@cleopatrajones7096 2 жыл бұрын

From personal experience, it is possible.

@Sandra-hc4vo 5 ай бұрын

very nice

@burtonashernonduality Жыл бұрын

Some very interesting ideas here

@hawkkim1974 3 жыл бұрын

Hate to say this but most people would be offended if I said I don’t need you to be happy lol

@rajkaur8600 3 жыл бұрын

The right one will understand where you coming from and will respect the honesty 💓🙏🏽

@manipal2011 3 жыл бұрын

learning ... "Don't expect your partner to make you Happy"

@tywa-wm2gi Жыл бұрын

1:57 That's actually sage advice for once Spira!

@JohnnyCatFitz 2 жыл бұрын

Any relationship with another will require some compromise to keep it. There is you and there is your lover and there is a third thing; the relationship. This 3rd thing is something that may require effort, consideration, and perhaps some amount of defining what it's focus is. It's focus will naturally be something other than the central focus of one person or the other's since it is shared. The shared focus is it's own thing. Presumably 2 happy, whole people come together, though seemingly rare it is a good good thing imo. Worth trying.

@malabuha 3 жыл бұрын

This sounded just like a father - son conversation about girls.. interesting Yeah, dad.. i wouldnt recommend him to tell the girl he doesnt expect her to make him happy.. she could misunderstand it. He only needs to be clear about it himself, and without saying it, act acordingly

@malabuha 3 жыл бұрын

@Art DIY true. You're absolutely right.. Saying it out loud as a statement is manipulative and dishonest. If the guy was on that level of reasoning there'd be no reason to say it at all. It's normal for people to invest their affection by wanting to please their partner or make them happy. It is not normal to demand or expect that someone makes us happy though. That's narcissistic. So, it makes sense to only quietly understand that concept before going out there and mingle

@MLiu6986 3 жыл бұрын

If the girl would understand what he means with it in a deeper level, they would have a match, if not it would save both from further drama.

@cleopatrajones7096 2 жыл бұрын

The contrary isn’t as pleasant..when a man says I love you because you make me happy. I always tell them “well then I’ll eventually disappoint you.” That also doesn’t fare as well. Cest la vie

@amilahodzic5991 3 жыл бұрын

❤🙏

@nobodyreally 3 жыл бұрын

🌻

@gretanavarauskaite2904 3 жыл бұрын

❤️

@BrockLanders 8 ай бұрын

5:30

@ufomofo 3 жыл бұрын

I can barely imagine such a thing. I don't even know anybody who claims to believe in non dual concepts.

@pheryad 3 жыл бұрын

Hmm..

@ginawatkinson5530 3 жыл бұрын

I’ll make him happy 😂

@daniellearame3370 10 ай бұрын

Hé is attached already

@THXx1138 3 жыл бұрын

How are you able to focus on this subject when the world is actively being destroyed? Sincere question.

@saraswati1386 3 жыл бұрын

Think about it, in the middle of chaos, destruction & madness, you stumble across a tiny oasis of love, appreciation & kindness --- it's a refuge--you drink from the waters my friend. I have hope.

@THXx1138 3 жыл бұрын

@@saraswati1386 I come here often. :)

@nickrusswales Жыл бұрын

A valid question that many may also pose. The definition of true, unconditional love that Rupert explains is directly correlatable with the world’s problems such as war, climate chaos, famine, abuse, exploitation… Imagine for a moment that world leaders had a glimpse of the true shared nature of being between all things. This is also referred to as love. With such insight, how could they possibly go on to commit such crimes?