me and my wife were in a very similar position as we weren’t very religious and so obviously didn’t wait for marriage after deepening our faith years after we married we decided to go 3months celibate so we could experience it and honestly it was rough but i think worth it you and your husband should totally give it a try if you’d like :) god bless you and your family

But... You CAN experience a church wedding... Like for your anniversary, renewing your vows! Why don't you do that? I think it'll be special and so beautiful for you and all your family, friends... A testimony of love😊

Sometimes the wedding night can be one of most disappointing things for the a virgin bride?

​@@sitka49 Because television maybe and our expectations of what it should be like? Maybe?

@@TendainaTatenda keep expectations low and you won't be disappointed? ( that's kind of depressing) I think this has gone on well before television - I believe most brides had high hopes for their wedding night - Just nobody talked about it back then. There hasn't been a time in history that you have as much information now on pleasing your partner, or possibly understanding your partners needs. But you're not wrong. also. But that said back 100 years ago or so - wasn't the mother of the bride instructing her daughter - that sex is your duty in marriage?

@@user-kw8vy9fz1s erstmal: schön jemand deutsches unter nem PwA video zu sehen! Ja ich weiss dass wir auf Gott vertrauen können und ich bete auch dafür. Mit ging es hauptsächlich darum die lage in Deutschland zu beschreiben. Ich reduziere mich auf meine Stadt, weil ich Student bin und keinen Führerschein habe, also nicht die Möglichkeit habe so leicht zu Veranstaltungen zu fahren. Aber ich gehe schon im Rahmen der Möglichkeiten zu Kirchenveranstaltungen. Ich bin auch insgesamt recht zuversichtlich, ich sehe vereinzelt immer wieder mehr junge Leute in den Messen hier in Mainz, und ich bete weiterhin dafür, dass mehr junge Leute wieder näher zu Jesus finden

I feel similarly here in the US. Lol. There are many Catholics where I live and as you mentioned, many see no problem with sleeping together before marriage, amongst other things. Though I've been going to Traditional Latin Mass recently, and I find more devout Catholics there. Will pray for the Catholic Church in Germany! Please keep the Catholic Church in the US in your prayers too, please. God bless!

Ju, wir sind zwar wenige, aber uns gibt es, gib nicht auf :)

Wir sind auch katholisch in Deutschland. Komm zur Piusbruderschaft und geh zu den Veranstaltungen der KJB. Da findest Du traditionelle katholische junge Männer und Frauen!

@@Fael.27. Ich wurde schon von einer netten Dame dazu eingeladen, aber ich bin mir nicht sicher ob ich dorthin gehen soll, da sich die Piusbruderschaft kirchenrechtlich gesehen in einer grauzone befindet, und die Priesterweihen nicht vom Vatikan gutgeheißen werden

Girls who don’t want to wait, are not worth the wait. They’re either not mature enough fur a serious relationship, and/or don’t have strong moral values and hence aren’t a good match for a serious believer; and/or are just enjoying promiscuity and hence aren’t worth it. F

This is true. An old friend of mine had to break up with his girlfriend because she kept trying to push him.

Yup. That would prove to me that she is OK with sex outside marriage. It’s a non marital non Catholic approach to relationships. Not wife material.

People can learn from each other. Don't expect everybody to agree with us wholeheartedly beforehand. In the early days of my conversion, I wasn't aware of the strictness (and beauty) of chastity, but I would have loved it if a girl I'm interested in charitably used this to elucidate me and bring me to the righteous path instead of taking it as a definite sign I "wasn't marriage material".

@@vitaomachado What you're talking about sounds like evangelization by romance. I'm all for evangelizing someone of the opposite sex, but I'm not sure that's the best way to go about it. Romance and dating have one purpose: marriage. Continuing to date someone sends a message - I am interested not only in the salvation of your soul but also romantically. And that can complicate relationships. So, what should this girl do if approached by a man who is good with sex before marriage? She should make him aware of chastity and try to convert him to it, but I think only in platonic settings. I think romantic relationships are for romance, not evangelization. One day, after the young man has figured out chastity, then all is well. But before that?

@gunsgalore7571 It may not be that God would call you to convert your spouse but, I thank God that my husband didn't think this way or I never would know the love of God, be a Catholic trying each day to grow in virtue, be a mother to 5 beautiful children after 8 years of marriage, and celebrating our 8th anniversary to an amazing man of God today. Don't be so rigid that you get in the way of God's plan.

She wanted to kick the tires before she bought the car.

I agree. I think it's especially true in a man's younger years. I think it's OK though if a man is struggling. I believe when he hasn't overcome it that's a huge problem. This is because it conveys fantasies that sets up a man for disappointment especially when there's more ignorance and disregard to what is really happening when watching porn. How you qualify struggling makes all the difference. A non-discerning attitude towards porn where you make it just a habitual even that occurs whenever you're gratifying sexual desire is different than someone who is struggling where they are trying to build up their self to challenge their self to go without it for a a day, week, month, 3 months, a year. But let's say someone went the longest for the first time since they could recount going without porn for 1 month but they slip up. I still think that struggle doesn't shouldn't absolutely disqualify someone from dating but more often than not that person is not ready for dating. But I think there's another elephant in the room here and it's that despite men consuming more porn than them women do it too so that's another reason there shouldn't be dating if one or both people haven't overcome porn.

Ideally, yes, but thankfully, God still works through sinners. We don't need to be perfect before going on to do good. We just need to put God first and persevere in seeking Him out. Sure, it helps to not be overly burdened with vice, but it's not by our own effort that we overcome sin, but it is a gift from God. Sinners can and do get married, and nonetheless, we suffer our spouses to the consequences of our sin, but it is especially more the case that God perfects those who are repentant, and by His mercy, He opens our spouses to grace fitting of the sacrament.

​@@Zeero3846​@Zeero3846 Habitual mortal sin against the 6th commandment is not just 'being imperfect'. It is a grave spiritual disease. Dating and pursuing marriage while not free from porn is imprudent and a failure to take the issue seriously. It is putting the cart before the horse in a major way.

​@@buzztruckeryes, I would apply the same to women. Men and Women both ought to be free from porn before they date. It messes with your perceptions, emotions, etc in ways you don't even realize until it's no longer part of your life. God does not call us to merely 'struggle' with porn. With the help of His most holy Mother through the holy rosary, he gives us the means and grace to defeat it.

I think there was something else wrapped up in there, too… sometimes, in an effort to wait we can avoid the people we have the most attraction to and pick someone where it isn’t a struggle to wait. I nearly did that to myself.

Wow, I would never marry someone I'm not attracted to. I think if you don't have the tendency in the beginning of dating and in your courtship to want to rip each other's clothes off I think that's a bigger problem than not. In the long run you're going to end up in a roommate marriage or maybe your husband or wife will be wanting intimacy or sex and other person doing it out of obligation or Duty. It's a lose-lose for each partner because nobody wants Duty sex and nobody wants to be in the position to feel forced to do it.

Used to do same with my girl, I luv physical affection but we agreed no sex which is great, I've been here anchor not to cross that line and vice versa;now she says no physical affection at all... I'm at my wits end, any help will be appreciated.

@@thefacelessquestion3333 check out the book “Pretty Good Catholic”. It has a whole chapter on physical affection a catholic approach to it!

@@thefacelessquestion3333 She wont have sex before marriage or after. Wouldn't that be ironic?

Latin mass community. Not just a place that has a Mass but an FSSP parish or similar. That's where you'll find someone devoted to this.

Simple , No touchy, no kissy until you put on wedding ring - You treat as a sister ( Maybe hand holding but very limited) and if, and when you marry you can be freaks' sheets - But she'll/ you'll will have to break that psychological block she's not your sister, and you not her brother.

Basically, he is saying that I don't have pre marital sex not because I respect my girlfriend, instead because of my Christian morals in me.

Agreed - I don't think masculinity, even as a representation of God's character, is the proper motivation. Fear of a Holy God and an understanding of the true consequences of sin draws us to our knees and motivates us to seek after righteousness. Not that we are perfect in doing so, but this humility is not only the proper place to begin, but also the proper place to return to when we fail.

Totally agree- glad you made this comment. CS Lewis talks about this in his pride chapter in Mere Christianity as well.

🤔

@@braveHoratius in Germany it was tradition that both wear a engagment ring and then in the weeks before the wedding those rings got the name and the date of wedding in it and then they would be the marriage rings

Just because it’s not Catholic in origin, doesn’t mean it’s “anti-catholic” 😂 Also the idea of engagement rings indicating ownership is absurd. Ask any woman who has been engaged or married lol