Even if we pity them or love them they don't hesitate to throw you under the bus just for no reason.

I definitely pitied the narcissist, and I thought I could help them. That was a mistake. Narcissists see that as a willing sacrifice. Run, don't walk, away!

The agony is you want to be compassionate, but your compassion is exploited... It's like you want to be healthy, but your health is exploited...the agony... 👍❤❤❤

The thing about pitying a narcissist is that no matter what you do to try to help them, it is never, EVER enough. It's a black hole, and the more you try to help, the more they demand, and the more you will be left feeling drained, like YOU'RE the failure for not trying hard enough to cure their woes. Everyone deserves pity now and again when they are sick or down on their luck somehow, and most people will graciously accept any help you give and use it as fuel to get back up again. Not vulnerable narcissists. If you've reached out a helping hand two or three times and you see someone starting to feel ENTITLED to your attention and help instead of grateful for it, it's time to walk. For your own mental health.

Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail.com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.

When it comes to narcissistic abuse, it's crucial to focus on understanding the dynamics of the abusive relationship and the impact it has on the victim, rather than making assumptions or generalizations about their behavior. Narcissistic abuse can have a profound and complex effect on victims, often leading to emotional trauma, low self-esteem, and a distorted sense of self-worth. It can erode trust, create feelings of isolation, and manipulate the victim's perception of reality. Some victims of narcissistic abuse may struggle with maintaining healthy boundaries, trusting others, or recognizing their own value. In some cases, individuals who have experienced narcissistic abuse may engage in behaviors that are out of character, including cheating or seeking validation outside the relationship. These behaviors can be a response to the emotional turmoil and manipulation they have endured. It's important to approach this with compassion and understand that these actions may stem from a desire for validation, escape, or a misguided attempt to regain a sense of control or self-worth. However, it's essential to note that not all victims of narcissistic abuse engage in infidelity or seek external validation. Each individual responds to abuse differently, and their actions may vary depending on their coping mechanisms, personal values, and circumstances. If you or someone you know has experienced narcissistic abuse, it is crucial to seek support from professionals such as therapists or counselors who specialize in trauma and relationship dynamics. They can provide guidance, healing strategies, and help rebuild a healthy sense of self-worth and trust. Remember, the effects of narcissistic abuse are complex, and the healing process is unique to each individual. Judgment and assumptions can hinder the understanding and support that victims need. Providing empathy, compassion, and access to appropriate resources can contribute to the healing journey and empower survivors to rebuild their lives. Additionally, If you need to find out about a cheating narcissist; send a request to: Barryinvestigation@gmail. com

Dr. Ramani, you are an incredibly gifted, compassionate and insightful clinician and human being. Your content is a gift of hope to so, so many of us. I am profoundly grateful.

Dr.Ramani is our present day prophet. A real treasure.

My narc partner said: you are all that I have (sulking). Turned out he had maaaaany others…

Too much damage for too many years. No love, no pity. Just disgust for the disaster my children and I lived through. Nothingness!

I believed that love crumbs would satisfy me forever. I need the whole love loaf. Good bye narcissist.🥰

After 30 years of his narcissistic bs, I don't feel love. I feel contempt and anger for the pain he has caused me. I am on the verge of escaping his abuse. I am a shell of my former self. I want to feel alive again. Somehow I know that I will survive and thrive. It has been so hard but I WILL SURVIVE and learn to love myself ❤

The harm I experienced was too much. No longer confusing pity with love. Letting go of inaccurate negative characterizations of myself they try to put on me. The guilt grief pity and shame got me stuck but no more. Prioritizing my health safety life and well being. Saving my empathic gifts for healthy safe people who value it. Taking myself back. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

You will never ever ever be their first choice. Not even in the top 10.

Yes, it's my situation--stuck and pity. No one to take care of vulnerable narc parent, narc siblings bailed. I'm not passive anymore. Vocal now & gets frustrated & angry at devaluation, being put down, etc. Sad to say, I haven't been thriving, haven't found that road yet. I listen to Dr Ramani for reassurance & help. I've lived for so long being so messed up without the labels & the whys. Found Dr Ramini since '23 and suddenly, I'm hearing my life, my experiences of narcs in family. There are labels now, clarity. Difficult but it's not just me experiencing alone. The good Doc knows which makes me feel less invisible.

Mother said she married Father because she felt sorry for him… shaped my relationships for a while. Narcissists count on our pity.

I was so confused in the end. I had pity for him, I was afraid of him and there was always that little tiny hope that he could be nice. By the end he was so delusional, violent and his emotions were all over the place. There was always an excuse for his acting out. Stress at work, a break up with a business partner, his dad dying, imaginary things that he accused me of, etcetera. After the divorce I found out that there was so much more going on. A narcissist cannot regulate their emotions without using other people. That's why they can't be alone. His emotional dysregulation was a baseline but he was also creating chaos everywhere. All the jobs he left? He was actually asked to leave because of his behaviors. Sexually harassing and bullying co-workers. When we were younger he was stealing. But the story that I saw time and time again is that he was just so good and nobody could see how good he was so it was time for him to leave! He deserved better pay! He deserved a better environment! You know what? Every time he left a job, it was better than the one before. His stories were easy to believe. Marriage counselors believed that he really needed to work 7 days a week and had quite a bit of travel marriage counselors supported his behaviors and felt that I was too demanding. He would say things about me that weren't true and didn't make sense right to my face. I had no idea he was saying these crazy things behind my back! Narcissists make up so many stories they don't even know what's true. I really began to pity him with all of his emotional issues, his inability to handle stress, and his complete departure from reality. I received absolutely no compassion when it was warranted but I pitied someone who was deliberately horrible on a day-to-day basis? Oh everyone told me it was just a midlife crisis. This was no midlife crisis. He was living multiple lives and his emotions were all over the place because he would be reacting to nearly getting caught in different situations or having an extreme high from getting away with something. And then there were the drugs. I insisted that he quit drinking but I had no idea he was doing all kinds of recreational drugs during the day to enhance his sex life with sex workers and colleagues. Stupid me. I thought he was working. Now I pity him and I know it's not love. What a messed up life. But he still tries to make it look like he's moved on to better women and a better life. But it's not better. He has even less stability now than he had when he was tied down with me. Now I have more freedom than I have ever had. And I'm not constantly dealing with someone's emotional dysregulation

it’s disheartening that these harmful dynamics are pervasive in society today. Thank you for this helpful content, Dr. Ramani. Often times it’s compassion that keeps people connected, even tethered to dysfunctional relationships. What’s critical is that we don’t make excuses for maladaptive behavior. We learn to reinforce boundaries by turning the compassion onto ourselves.

It is absolutely vital not to confuse pity with love in a narcisistic relationship. The damage done is done and we must use logic and reason over emotions when we are dealing with those highly manipulative and broken people. Narcisists are simply dangerous and choosing to have them in your life is like choosing to surround yourself with scorpions.

I divorced a malignant narcissist. Before I knew what narcissism was, I marveled at how he could play the pity card when he never had any compassion for me. When I had reached this point, what would have been pity was contempt.

I have often felt pity for my mother- she will never know what good humans I have raised, We have no value to her. Thank you for addressing this. I can't cut ties, but it won't last forever. She is 95, and getting worse by the day in terms of her rage and N symptoms. :(

The last two occasions when i was hoovered i did feel both pity & disgust which on reflection were very confusing at that time...i can fully comprehend why i felt those emotions way back then Enjoying blissful peace & no contact Life is good post divorce Still in therapy & still healing from appalling narcissistic abuse Thank you Dr.Ramini

"Do not confuse pity with love in a narcissistic relationship" Writing that one down.

You are so right and I needed to hear this. I pitied the Narc. I thought I loved her but 6 months into COMPLETE healing, I knew it wasn’t love I just didn’t know it was Pity. THIS MAKES SENSE. You have reached another level to me that I have to explore. Thank you once again.

Struck a chord. Thank you.

Thank you again 😊. When we left the narc, he seemed to fall apart. Our children were inconsolable and questioned if we could undo the leaving. But he recovered remarkably well 😏. When we met he was still living with his enabling mum at age 40, and he had no clue how to look after himself. My brother thought I couldn't abandon him like that. But it is amazing how quickly they learn. My advice is stop looking after them. It's about time they grow up. Now, our children are so happy that we left. Best decision ever.

You look so good 💖💖💖

I find narcissists pitiful but not enough to keep them around

Dr. Ramani, thank you for your work.

Your videos keeps me going further in life...I'm building up strength to release myself from this cage

This was the video I needed…. Spot on and incredibly close to my personal experience. Your daily uploads are fantastic and much appreciated.

This was certainly my experience. For one parent, they were always circumstantially unstable and so I felt I had to keep their life together, and the other parent was like a broken child in an adult’s body and I felt I needed to ensure this person stayed alive psychologically. I always felt the darker emotions (fear, disgust) if the latter was in the same house, but when I’d see them through a window or there was a barrier, then the pity/false responsibility would rear its head. Leaving was awful, and I cried so, so much and even said once it feels like “throwing away a puppy.” The guilt has just been the thing throwing me into nervous system reactions.

This is so true! I was confused between pity & love. Now I'm pretty sure I married him in the name of pity. I just felt guilty to leave him after all his sad stories. But after 4 years of marriage he left me😂

I dealt deep within myself to work out whether it was love, pity or attachment issues I felt towards the end. I know without a doubt that invite beginning I loved and was inlove with him, but as the years of cruelty took over and I became aware of things I realised that it was no longer love that I felt. It was pity and fear of being on my own. Since I had faced up to my thoughts and feelings I have found it easier to deal with the aftermath of us ending. I made the d3cision to block him last night, declaring he was never coming into my life again. I think it will be easier for me now to work on myself and move on. 🍒

Spot on Dr R.... Thankyou

Good lesson advice. And have a good weekend .

I think I felt pity, love and a bunch of other things, when I left my mother. It just wasn’t enough to sacrifice myself to someone who not only didn’t care about me anymore, but wanted to destroy me. It’s that pity one has, for an aging, narcissistic parent that says, “What are you going to do, once I’m gone.” I knew I was the best thing she ever had and I knew she was choosing my sister, that might be the worst thing she ever had, that might lead to her death and it might’ve been a contributing factor. As this was a HUGE departure, from who she appeared to have been, I was more saddened by this new and horrific trajectory, in her life. There will also always be the chasm of whether I should’ve stayed because, at least from my memories and perspective, I may have owed it to her, because we once had a wonderful relationship and I was now being faced with someone, who I could not just have a relationship with anymore, but they were strategically trying to ruin me. I’d have DEFINITELY stayed, if this was a person, who was merely depressed, who needed and would accept help. But the destruction was a deal breaker.

And the Narc will reinforce that pity to keep the person connected to them.

Thank you Dr. Ramani. There are so many different approaches with the narcs in my family. Today's message is on me b/c I see that I feel pity for my little sister (long story short, she has all the signs of vulnerable narcissism.) She's never worked for any number of excuses, and is in her late 50's. Her only son died of drug overdose last July. It's sad and disappointing but limited contact is the extent of our "relationship." Your videos are very helpful and I really appreciate all you do.

Thank you for the clarity and wisdom here, Dr Ramani. 🧘🙂

Thanks to you I have words to help my daughter understand the abusive relationship she is in and getting out.Thank You!There are really no words I can express for my gratitude! 🌼🌸🌺🌻🌹🌷💐

Thanks, you explained the feelings of having pity for a narcissist really well.

Thank you very much, that's exactly what I needed to hear!! SPOT ON THE DIFFICULTY😞

Thank you for addressing this. Pity serves a hierarchy that has no place in real human connection

Thank you Dr Ramani, this is perfect timing ❤

This was wonderfully clear and so accurate. The duality of being sickened while feeling "love" is very real and was hard for me to word but Dr Ramani did it with such clarity! Excellent Video

Pity has always felt like a bad word and like a fake hand of empathy.

Holy cow! ❤ This was deep and helpful. Thank you.

It has been so helpful for me that you articulated guilt and pity as part of the equation. I've been out of two relationships for almost 3 decades now and I still turn things over in my mind all the time. Pity also was key for my mother not divorcing my father. It feels less lonely to hear how common these are.

I feel like a lot of people have had a lot of pity on me throughout my life. Some of my friendships I fear were based on pity, and maybe still are.

More often than not it's the narc who pities the other...and calls it 'love'

All these years I realize this is what I had for my parents..it was indeed pity they were and are incapable of true love.

Your empathy will be never be matched, let alone appreciated. You’re so right about the pity/love/disgust dynamic! How could I love someone I had grown to totally dislike? They are a black hole of nothingness. Nothing to offer, not even to themselves. They will act like they’re trying to give you the world and leave you with the biggest gaping black hole when they rip the whole idea from your life at the drop of a hat one day. Then….good riddance. I can’t respect someone who is pitiable.

stray cat analogy, good one. all spare rooms spoken for.

When Dr talks about pity I feel so deeply hurt because my grief on this area is awoken again

Love will always be there if it’s an adult child BUT radically accepting they will NEVER change , regardless of what you do , say or how much you love them. It becomes about survival and your own health. Love them to your last breath but remember hope is hollow and denial will literally kill you 😢❤thank you Dr Ramani ❤

Thank you Dr Ramani. Now I understand the complexity of the feelings I have for my ex of 34 years who I split from about 18 months ago, and whose son just died at the age of 46 from alcoholism. I shared a relationship with his son for those 34 years we were together, the last 4 of which were particulatly toxic for me because of how he dealt with his son's problems, but also helped me realise that they were just the haybale that broke the camel's back of living for so long with his form of vulnerable narcissicism. Not that I even knew there was a term for it when I left, or that it probably applied to his son as well. Listening to this video reminds me not to forget the emotional abuse that I finally recognised as such and allowed me to decide that leaving was better than staying, but also allows me to now express empathy to him for the sadness of losing his son without confusing it with love and to feel pity for the sadness of his son's life as well.

I had pity and it got taken advantage of. I was taken for granted and got used for whatever it was he was getting out of me. Now, it's hard to feel anything for him... but because of knowing his background with his family and the way his life turned out, there is pity in that department and only that.

This was so helpful!

I feel I'm currently dealing with a covert narcissist, as they want me to feel sorry for them (pity) and thus take care of them rather than express compassion and empathy toward them, and thus walk alongside and support them as an equal as they find their way. I recently discovered this is a pattern of behavior with them over several years. I finally see it now.

It's the fear that the narcissist will be alone. Because they were alone when you met them.

I did not get the Willy Wonka Golden Ticket for a good life. The amount of traumatic events in my life could fill Lake Herron. As such, many people confuse my need for some empathy. I have brain damage and complex PTSD, what I want more than anything is patience, kindness and acceptance. I come across strange but I feel like it is more like Autism. I can’t pretend that bad things didn’t happen to me and I will not deny my issues. They are bad things. They happened to me. I don’t bring the toilet paper roll of the list and don’t really bring it up but if someone discusses it, I will say that that happened to me. I think people are also really put off because of my sense of humor. For example I had breast cancer and a double mastectomy. If someone brings it up I just say I saved a fortune of not having to buy anymore bras. (I really have saved a fortune considering the price for a good bra). I feel so lost around people who just think I want pity. I don’t need pity (sometimes I do). I don’t think people understand the difference.

Another brilliant insight from dr. Ramani ! I know pity so well, I stayed for many years in the marriage bc of my sense of duty and..pity. I pity him now, that lonely delusional, mean, sick person !

So Brilliant. "When you see it as Pity, you may also feel less passive, and even foolish or shameful, but rather see yourself as an empathic person stuck in a bad situation. And much like you may see a stray cat because you pity it, which is the kind thing to do, you may not quit your job to care for it and give it it's own bedroom in your house."

I think pity is the flip side of angry. I've been divorced grey rocking with kids and no support and F'n angry. I just talked to him about it. Finally. The most I've said to him in a long time. And he was so pathetic and low. I almost felt sorry and wanted to help him! But thanks to Dr. Ramani, I'm wise enough not to let it suck me in. But my anger turned to pity in a flash, and I prefer pity. Dr Ramani right on time and on point with her topic once again.

Yes! A way to throw shade on a person!

That is so true.. my aging narcissistic mother milks pity from anyone and everyone.. ( vulnerable malignant narcissist) and I have had to reconcile the pity and empathetic side of me.. I pitied my enabling father till he passed .. and now she plays the victim to the max.. thank you for this video as I was confused as to my emotions around her .. makes a lot of sense now.

It's a very important video for me. When I started this relationship I felt something vulnerable in him, although of course he denied it, and I felt like I needed to make sacrifices to make the person I love feel better about himself. Only later I discovered he was a narcissist, and as soon as I figured it out, my love and my hopes started to diminish. But I'm a vulnerable, compassionate, empathic person, now I realize why he chose me, yet still! I try to act grey stone, but it's hard, because, you see, when he's devaluating me, it doesn't hurt me much anymore, because I know how things work for him and I don't believe anything, but... At the moment I am mostly worried about the vengeance on his part, he is unreliable, unpredictable, unstable... But I still have residual feelings for him, that I can overcome, but also I feel pity for him, which makes things so much worse. How can I stop feeling this pity for him, even though he's done so much abuse to me?

With my narcissistic mother and her toxic family I always felt sorry that I felt pity and tried to help. There was a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality change. I felt like a fool because these helpless victims turned into villains who felt no guilt in attacking me. It is not that I expected credit for helping out but probably more peace and less chaos. Instead it was the most villainous behavior.

100%!! My mom and myself are ready to leave because the situation is not longer sustainable in a practical way (money) and emotional way (we're going crazy and sick). But my mom is extremely worried about my unemployed alcoholic alone crippled useless depressed sick crazy aging father, he probably will become a homeless man.. or at least live in a very deplorable way. We don't know what to do, feels like an impossible situation

Damn girl, you look radiant

I do agree with Dr. Ramini 100% on "NOT TO CONFUSE PITY WITH TRUE LOVE.." In that oftentimes the Stupidities 🐒 Narc. are CONFUSED OFF, such as one felt PITY for the starving 🐩🐕 and gave whatever leftover on the plates..That doesn't mean one is "in love" with those dogs..PERIOD..

I never pitied my mother or the passive aggressive covert ex husband. Everything they did was intentional No contact with them both. No feelings for either of them. Healing and recovery are more important

Staying strong, 👎 no contact done with the PITY ..

I must’ve been involved in the classic narcissistic situation because this definition resonates…I reconnected with a person 10 yrs later and it was quite evident Nothing about him changed and the business he had was obviously not successful- not only did he have only 5 reviews on Google reviews for the 14 years it’s been around but he leeched off other people while putting up a facade

It's been years ago but I remember when my relationship was at it's end, I remember looking at him and realizing I felt PITY for him and realized this was not love...

I pity the Golden child son who now has to take care of his malignant narcissist mother. I pity the grandmother who raised the malignant narcissist who had only sorrow in her life.

Pity is a toxic thing with a Chameleon. Subtle backhanded comments or behaviors are involved. Unfortunately, this reinforces the trauma bond. Intermittent reinforcement will be experienced with cognitive dissonance felt.

Guilt, grief, pity and shame do keep us bonded to the narcissist, especially to narcissistic children, and narc spouses if you take our “in sickness and in health” marriage vows seriously. Another good topic Dr. R.

Yes, I struggle with pity because of the narc's age: 74.

This is 💯 how i felt Threatening with killing themselves amongst so many other things like I'm gonna take drugs again then.. Like nobody likes me everybody hates me I'm on social welfare how am i gonna survive You are the only one in my life i can talk to Etcetera

This short video explained how I feel towards my aging narcissist father. I've realized it way earlier that I don't love him, I only feel sympathy for him and I help him and take care of him out of sympathy, or "pity". Talking to him, listening to him, getting physically close to him to give him a hug or having him sit in my car in the passenger seat where he is physically close to me, gives my whole body, flush and bones and soul and mind a very very very uncomfortable feeling, a feeling as if thousands creeping creatures are scrawling all over my skin, I get hyper, and want to curse everyone on the road when driving (whereas I am a calm and chilled driver otherwise). When he talks non-stop and wants me to listen to him with love and care and respond to him as if he says the most precious and important words on earth and I should acknowledge him and validate every words and every feelings and emotions he has, it makes it super awkward, uneasy for me, and my brain just rushes to get away from him, turn my face away, escape the room, pull my hair, my heart beats fast and I gasp for air; even today, I have flash backs even as a child, I and my siblings were not allowed to talk to him in that length or depth, or expect him to love us, he mocked us, he neglected or made fun of all our deep childhood and then youth conversations, our emotions, our expectations, he did all, uffff,,, eeffff, you talk to much, shut up your nonsense, go away, you are talking rubbish; and we always always felt unloved, irrelevant, unwanted, extra and not-human, I thought anything that I say is nonsense and no one on earth should listen to me or respect me. I listen to him today, I take care of him, I validate his every emotions, his words his feelings, just out of pity and pity always and I feel guilty and bad for feeling that way, for not being able to love him and for realizing that I don't love him. I don't think in anyway that I am any superior to him just because I am younger than him and not vulnerable like him, but I feel still guilty for feeling pity for him as if I am putting him down because he is vulnerable today.

That's how my first narcissistic relationship started in high school. I first offered him my company because he was a new student, from another country, an outcast, seemed quite desoriented and lonely. Then it escalated into a messy relationship that lasted five years where I was not only neglected but also treated like crap, raped and lead to anorexia and addiction. And I remainded faithful to him out of pity, because without me he was litteraly nothing.

At 68, I just couldn't deal with my narcissist father and enabler mother. I feel vad that they are sick and elderly but their immoral, immature, and unethical life choices are just too much to handle anymore. Been the most peace two months in my life.

It’s just about control over your emotions so that the narcissist gets a power trip… don’t let your reaction fuel the power over game that is what’s at play here

This is such a great point. Another side of it is, when I've had a hard time with my anger and need for justice, which will never happen and this leaves me stuck verging into resentment, because I've been no contact for a while, the distance helps me tap into a bit of pity for them (how awful must they feel and how much shame and insecurity must they be carrying to continue to treat me this way and smear me all over community? How sad for them). Now this is only a momentary talk myself of the bitterness and contempt and hatred ledge, NOT a justification for their behavior or willingness to reengage at all. It's only a tool I use to re humanize them and myself coz I really don't like feeling hatred or contempt as it feels like I'm becoming like them, which I want to avoid hurting people like that at all costs.

This one hit home😢 Seriously 😢

Live is an emotion that is supported by loving actions.

Thank you for this. My narcissistic spouse, also has an alcohol problem, so I've had so many moments where it's hard to determine what's fueling the behavior. Your insight and books have opened my eyes, I need to get out.

They will never be respectful except for being performatively respectful to extract supply. They like to offer you help when you are vulnerable or desperate so that they have the power to disrespect you and you can't vocalize your distress to them or anyone else because then you look "ungrateful" and "sensitive" and end up making them look even better and you end up looking whiny and high maintenance.

Thanks!

Has Dr. R done an episode on pity for parents? I would like to hear more about this please

Sam Vaknin, author and professor of psychology in an email: Sent: Sunday, 10 March 2024 12:09 PM “Just finished reading your magisterial book. [MIND GAMES The Dual Facets of Manipulation and Dark Psychology] The most thorough survey of Machiavellianism I have ever come across. Congratulations. It is awe-inspiring and seamlessly combines erudition with practical advice. Take care there! Sam Vaknin, Ph.D.”

Narcissist ONLY pity themselves. If they pity you, it's in a mocking way. I get super frustrated with the narcissist pity parades, like victimhood they are always in the process of pitiying their own victimhood. They get pissed off you don't join in! Any suggestions to help them out of their pity with compassion and empathy is met with much resistance. You can't tell them how to pick up the orb to write their own story within their framework that they provided you. Only their narrative. Pity me, PLEASE the exclaim. I have a solution you say? That won't work. Your not listening to me. Go away, I'll do it myself they say I'm a HUFF. PITY LEADS US TO A DIALOGUE WITH OURSELVES. TO LISTEN AND APPLY COMPASSION AND EMPATHY TO OUR OWN VOICES 💕 IT MIGHT START WITH PITY.

"It's a pity Bilbo didn't kill Gollum when he had the chance." "Pity? It is pity that stayed Bilbo's hand. Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life..." Felt kind of relevant to relate Gollum to a narcissist in this topic.

I was raised to have pity and love for my dad, and did for way too long, but his actions back to me were not love! (even the love bombing was too fake). I'm so glad to have pushed him out of my life. He's only my dad in terms of biological in my view.

Law is black and white. Just like love and pity.

This was my relationship with my ex. It kept me in for way too long. It came down to me not respecting him because he always tore down whatever he built. Relied on me to always fix it or go along with his plans. Moving a lot because he couldn't figure out how to make a living for us. Always getting fired. I felt sorry for him. He tried really hard but the stress would get to him and he always screwed it up. Always making things worse. I started to get my stuff together and earn a stable income that could support us and he began to be resentful of that. I even felt pity for him then. He made me feel guilty for succeeding and would throw it in my face in arguments. Like, "Oh. So I don't make enough money. That's the real reason why your angry." My being the breadwinner was a real problem for him. He was hypersensitive to any perceived slight. That I was rubbing it in. You want to help them and pity them and then they resent you for it. Of course. I wouldn't like people pitying me. But they do nothing for themselves and prefer to be lazy and place the burden on someone else. You lose respect and don't want to be intimate. Why would you. They act like an infant and make you their parent. How would that dynamic work in a romantic relationship? It becomes almost incestuous and icky. You can't win.

This hit me SO deeply. Spot on.

I forgive myself for staying in a hateful relationship directed at me