“Life isn’t about avoiding suffering, but finding something worth suffering for.” That is very well put.

There’s nothing worse than being an artist but not being able to create due to mental illness like depression. I miss the days of sitting in art class, talking with friends and creating art. It made the creativity flow much better imo.

a message to all creatives - never stop creating

Your video made me think of something I told my (highly intelligent and creative) daughter a few weeks ago. "Being very smart and sensitive leads to a much richer life. But the downside is you will have a harder time finding people that can fully see you."

To be creative is to see the arbitrariness of perception for what it is. Not to run from chaos and relativity nor to wholly accept and embrace the safety of order, but to seek the places where they meet. The bleeding edge between the beautiful and the vile.

Art is probably the most direct route to self discovery. I have come to believe that the urge for creativity may be in fact a yearning for self understanding and self realization. If this is so, one could argue that the search for creativity may be actually a spiritual endeavor in the search of self. Medicine men of old, like ancient Shamans, were in fact highly artistic and creative. This is because they needed to be deeply connected to their own feelings, thoughts and dreams, so they could understand deep truths of life, humans and existence itself. We will probably soon realize that creative and artistic people, are in fact, very spiritual people in search for meaning and understanding by taking a courageous deep dive into the profoundness of their own self.

Sometimes creativity isn't about other people , seeing your work or hearing your music, it's more about bringing something that is inside you out and learning who you are.

Creativity for me is the power to find something beautiful that has not been discovered before.

I wish I could put into words how this made me feel. In therapy, I’ve finally touched on my fear or failure. I have always been a creative, but it did feel like a curse. Nothing I ever made felt good enough, and I began to grow scared of that feeling of inadequacy. So much so that I stopped creating for years and years. But the chaos in my heart and mind cannot be silenced. I am working on finding a balance between the chaos of creation and the structure and demands of daily life. What scares me the most is making nothing of note.

I think most creative people aren’t burdened with their “gift” as you say by exterior pressure. Rather I think it’s an internal pain to live up to your own standards. Or simply a desperate attempt to silence their own mind. I’m a designer and I have terrible anxiety and insomnia as a result of my creativity. When attempting to sleep I close my eyes and am immediately stuck with flashes images in front of my eyes like lightning. I feel a compulsion to document these visions late into the night as the stream endlessly pours. I also have ocd and obsessively dedicate every moment to observing and remembering data that will aid my vision of the world. I don’t care what the world thinks of my work. I don’t care why I’m doing it. It’s simply if I don’t do this I will die. My mind will eat itself if I don’t orient it towards a outcome. There’s a constant pressure to release the tension which is only possible through solving a problem. I think many creative people feel this way.

I very much fit the suffering artist stereotype, but I don't regret it. I would never trade in creativity for a "normal" life, it brings me fulfillment, it gave me community with people who think like me, it gives me purpose, it gives me agency. The canvas is the closest thing I've ever felt to true freedom

bro.... the "what I see nobody else sees and sometimes it frightens me" hit me rly hard. I feel like Ive thought that so many times.

I had a friend who was a gifted musician but quit to study computer science. I think the pressures of society made him give up on his dreams.

That “chaos” you describe is incredibly accurate. I have all these ideas and not being express them the way I want to express them drives me mad. All these ideas flood my mind sometimes in ways they really shouldn’t and I want to share them but I fear that no one would understand why I do this.

Going through this comment section is so therapeutic. It's like finally finding your tribe. People like you, people that resonates with you deeply. Creativity is truly a huge blessing ( cause ) with an equal and opposite reaction ( effect). And there's this constant worry I go through when I know that my higher self has this huge potential that would never be able to fit into this short life on Earth. It's like the more you create, the more you have to create. It is depressing. But then what can a mere mortal do?

"If you have access to chaos, chaos also has access to you." How did he just sum up my life in one sentence? Thank you for sharing your art with us.

I believe creativity is the only thing keeping me alive. Its the only thing avoiding me from suiciding. It's a curse; a curse that has become the reason to live. I write for myself, not for others. I want to be loved; Creativity makes it hard, but it is the thing that helps me express my pain. I wished to be properly loved. I feel I would never get it: so I wish to be loved through my books

The curse of creativity - Being surrounded by a materialistic world that believes copying and pasting from everything else is fine and more valuable than being original and innovative, because maximum profit, minimum effort. Most mainstream artists all do the same exact things, same exact looking work, following the same exact trends, all doing it for the wrong reasons. True creativity is only found through creating out of passion, not out of a need to be famous or make money.

Being an artist can be a terrible pain. I always drew, but I wanted to paint. I tried to do it because I couldn't stop, something always kept telling me to come back, but I swear I hated my art and cried and threw everything away. That was awful. People usually think that creating is a beautiful and easy way, because you have a gift, but most of the time it's just a lie.

I have searched the phrase "the curse of creativity" multiple times in the past, finding nothing. Thanks for being the one to fill the void, great video

great video. to all the creatives out there just remember your work matters. never stop creating. much love.

Thank you so much for making this. Sometimes I feel like I screwed up by simply existing, that life would've been so much better if I'd been "normal", that I'd be the one laughing at anyone different. But if I was "normal" I wouldn't have the beautiful friends I do today, I wouldn't see the beauty that lies within art of all forms. Yes I suffer in a near constant state of existential crisis and melancholy, but when I'm with my friends, or looking at a beautiful painting or landscape, reading a brilliant book or or listening to a beautiful song, life is beautiful. Yes we seem to be headed to self induced annihilation, yes we are hurting each other because some powerful people wish to remain ignorant, but in those moments of beauty that all that heightened emotional sensitivity and awareness seems so sweet, and life is worth living. Especially when you know you're not alone.

“Until the creativity is literally beaten out of you” - been there felt that . Good video!

Being creative is isolating, torturing, lonely, anguishing and down right heart wrenching… but Idk if I would trade it for anything.

“Art is to console those who are broken by life.”Hits hard

The only curse of creativity is not being able to express it.

"Despite my curse, I feel blessed". I like this man

There’s nothing worse for me as an artist than having to stop a project after I start. I have an incredibly hard time picking up again because the flow isn’t there anymore.

As an artist/illustrator myself, now i know why i feel like i'm losing my mind from year to year. There's always this overwhelming feeling (that affects me negatively) whenever i think of my own existence and my purpose in life. even my friends said that i'm crazy.. it's like i'm grown more sensitive and mentally ill the older i get. Great video btw

Sometimes I know I'm more creative than I've allowed myself to be. I'm 70, so I'm writing again. There is no such thing as an old artist, even when the pain is killing you.

Being creative is a way of thinking. It’s such a double edged sword. I can build shit in my head to the smallest detail, I have photo memory, I can tell you when something is off in the picture or how to make it better in so many ways. But the other side of that is all the bad shit that has happened in my life I can remember to the last detail. My mind has created a system where if anything I don’t like has happened my mind erases that like it never happened. But being creative is it’s own process of self destruction

It is the uncreative who curse the creative. And if your also kind and honest the evil will feed on you.

As someone who suffers from this, Ive gotten several glimpses of both sides of the spectrum, when you're not recognized or given credit they see you as a flawed human, incapable of completing simple tasks the given way and as a detective man But when something you do gets recognition, these same people that hated you for who you were will change opinion quickly and praise you for said task. The people who praise and judge talent are often the ones who look for it because they themselves cannot create nor understand it

This is why ive struggled with suicide from a young age. I always felt so far away from everyone and when i spoke about the things i was trying to make sense of. Ive always felt insane, i know in the whole world i am in good company among my fellow writers or creatives at large. But in a square mile you may never meet a fellow creative without intervention(public forum like achool). The world feels so alien to me, but only by asphyxiation. Its not how i see the world that bothers me, its how horrifyingly divergent the common world view is. How they take to this hellsca0e like a duck to water, and proceed to lash out at you for your profane thinking. When i glimpse my world, the one that i see its always brought me peace. But the cumulative heartbreak of being bound in this prison in my waking life. Writing this i cant breath, as the eyes press into my skin, ensuring i conform. So much that all ive ever wanted was someone anyone who could understand me, the real me. Thats why no matter how hard it gets i will always love my soulmate so much. I couldnt not care less what it took to keep her in my life. I know its a fragile thing, but the rest of my life i had no recourse but to drown until the end came never dying but always feeling as if I've been dying the whole time. Its strange to think, here i am able bodied but have no more power to chose death than a loved one lying comatoes, pleading for it to stop. But youre right, when i can let myself bw there and feel like im really there, I soar. I dont cant if anyone ever reads my work. I write for the thrill of it, to feel life weaving itself from my hands. I may change a lot of things if i could do them differently, but id never want to lose this precious gift lodged in my chest. Be strong, always. See what only you can see.

It's not easy being creative and being Accepted

Western views of creativity is so toxic, they actively diminish and stigmatise creativity and make it seem like it’s a “curse”. It’s not a curse, it’s an innate ability that you, like everyone else in this world, has. It’s your job to hone it, to seek support, and do something with it. Otherwise you will become extremely depressed and mentally ill. To build a healthy relationship towards creative expression is one the hallmarks of human greatness. But it’s unfortunately often misunderstood. Do not emasculate the creative forces within you because of social stigma.

I honestly don't think our present culture either values, nor reveres creative people, because it no longer tends to look at the art of creation as an expression of an individual, but as a democratic process that everybody has a say in. Truly creative people now tend to suffer exponentially more because indifference is no longer the worst thing one has to contend with, but now there is the possibility of abuse if people don't like what you do. It's ironic that what should be the greatest period of creativity humans have ever had is also probably the worse.

The definition of passion literally is to suffer for something.

To creative people: you don’t have to be tortured to be creative. You don’t have to idolize chaos. You don’t have to fit some desired mold of a psychotic genius. There are plenty of non-tortured people that are really creative. They just don’t end up in the history books because their lives aren’t as relatively “interesting.”

To date, this is the most intuitive, true, & expressive definition of the gift (the curse) of artistic ability. I began drawing around my first birthday. Art is a major part of my identity. With this gift, I learned early on, the greater the sensitivity & ability, the worse the chaos of deviations of "normalcy," result as the higher degree of genius. I have no genius, yet I do know how what artistic ability I do possess has led to mental distortion, to peer perception of being labeled as beyond weird, all issues of my own making. I have found in life no greater ecstasy nor greater anguish as what I experience when I create.

Great take, but a counter-argument: It should noted that people like Kurt Cobain EVEN WITH SUCCESS were still miserable on an individual level. I think its a bit reductionist to say that fame and/or fortune are the only worthwhile rewards for a creative life. Those things only enhance possibilities, which make life considerably more overwhelming for the creative.

I think creativity is always useful. Just because it's not paid attention to and validated by others doesn't devalue its usefulness. In fact, creative outlets are a great way to regulate ones mood and increase positive emotions. That in itself proves the utility of creativity just on the individual level. Also, highly creative people can influence the world on small scale in their own little lives. Being famous isn't an excuse for fufillment.

Good art comforts the disturbed and disturb the comfortable

another problem with my own creativity is ideas keep flowing through me, yet I don't have enough time to do it all so many of my ideas just stay that.. ideas.

Everything I've been trying to explain to people is put perfectly in this video and I'm glad I came across it. I had been in a bad headspace almost all my childhood but it's almost as if the tiny hole of creativity trauma created just for me turned into something I can leap in and out of over the past 2 years. It feels so good to have it since I know the art is something others will like and only so many truly recognize and embrace their gift. It's elevating to let my creativity spill but at some point, it can start to get crippling and I'll have to take a break for a while to give my head a rest. I can write as well as draw and when I start to peak, I could do so for DAYS without stopping if I didn't care about myself.

you have captured a lot of what I have throughout my life have failed to describe in words and that's dope. keep up the content, looking forward to more

Thank you for making this. I will look at this video again whenever I feel like I'm having trouble creating stuff. This has genuinely helped me think more clearly. Love the message at the end. Really strong and powerful words.

i’m bawling my eyes out right now. this video came to my life at the right time. as an art major at the moment, i’ve been through weeks of denial and processing of this very feeling, and it is heartbreaking. only some get the answers. i couldn’t put it into words, but u sure did. thank you so much 4 bringing this to the world.

This is so true. Since I can remember I have always been a creative. I drew my first "story" (series of pictures) with 4 years and my mom wrote down the story I told her. But I also remember the first moment I experienced mental illness. When I was 5 and it was Silvester my mom told me to be careful with those glows ticks she gave us kids and "not break them because the liquit is a little toxic". I remember how I thought about sickness and death at this, and I remember thinking about how I have Ready lived so much of my life and I wouldn't have much life left. At 5 years old! At an age where I couldn't possibly know how long a human life would be, and I had so much still ahead of me. For all my life I went on thinking things like that, but also went on to create. I write, I paint, I craft, garden and so much more. And I can't stop. It's like a drug. Creating something is still some of the most beautiful feelings I have ever experienced and it's the only thing I really value about myself. Over the years I have been diagnosed with depression and OCD. Especially OCD makes my life hard every day. The perfectionism, and torturing and punishing myself about everything wrong with me. And yet... I don't take meds. I tried them, and I didn't mind most side effects but one... I was so bland all of the sudden. I didn't enjoy any more creativity, and was completely blocked. There was no need for creativity. And though there was no more dark in my life the color faded too. So I don't take meds anymore. I live with this chaos inside of me, because I can't let go of my art. By this point it just means more to me than my own suffering. I just would wither away without it and be "normal" like everybody wants me too. And I would never again feel that complete inner peace when you sit down with your brushes and colors and start painting. Like in your mind you cod go anywhere you want, and be anyone. We creatives are a "bug" never to be fixed

This is so on point. Thank you so much for expressing the pain and isolation I experience on a day to day basis so accurately and eloquently. Kudos, my friend! We’ll get through this, hopefully when we do we can leave something beautiful behind.

This video has provided me with a lot of clarity thank you. I do truly enjoy your content I hope me being a fan affects you as much as your videos affect me.

Yeah bro as a child I had a mental breakdown as I tried to understand that my existence started randomly, I looked through the eyes of myself and could've been any other person, and float in such a specific place in the endless universe that I exist in such a small part of. Worst part is, I could understand all this, overwhelming my tiny young brain, but it was so overwhelming I didn't even know how to explain it when my family would ask why I am crying. But now that I'm older and have peace by understanding Islam, I am less bothered by the concept of my own existence.

This video was truly inspiring man, thanks a lot for sharing your thoughts, I hope you’ll reach the amount of control over chaos that you’re seeking.

This is absolutely amzing i never thought of creativity in that way. You definitely deserve more subscribers this is quality content:)

The end of this video is the most understandable to me. I've thought those questions through several times and I found your words quite beautiful

You nailed all the words, all the points in which you talk some chaos which I happen to be familiar with, and you aced those points if aced means I understood your chaos and concur with it, in which a video so small yet greater than most, could make me tear up, I bow to you, because you made this connection for a brief moment with all sort of people alike that have maybe once grasped that feeling of everything yet nothing, and that is something to be truly in awe of.

This essay, and the entire video, is amazing. Beautiful writing, with a great use of storytelling and fact. Subscribed!

this video is so amazing. im an artist that’s had a war waging in my mind for as long as i can remember and i’ve never been able to describe it to get adequate help for it, but this video sums it all up perfectly and brought me a new perspective on my life i really needed. thank you

you put my thoughts that i could always only express with art into words. thank you.

Everything you said was so true, but I won't stop being an artist even if everyone hates my art and I can never find a way to truly express myself like the chaos you described

This has helped me understand myself more than anything I’ve ever read or listened too…I always felt there was something wrong with me I’ve always felt my identity’s been fragmented and have spent years trying to fix it now I know I don’t need to..I just need to embrace the chaos find freedom in it…Thank you my friend this has helped so much keep doing what your doing

Thank you❤❤❤ Beautifully created and communicated. My heart and soul are singing and crying together.

Thank you for this. From deep in my so thank you. I love you brother. Happiness to you from Galveston, Texas.

I adore the rise of this kind of content. I hope to see more of your videos soon!

Your channel is defo going places 👏🏻 ❤

Your video resonated with me a great deal. We will probably never meet or have a conversation but I appreciate you taking the time to create and share videos. Your message helped me.

Thank you for creating such a masterpeice. The raw intellect, curiosity, openness and self reflective self awareness was all inspiring to witness here. Deeply grateful you chose to put the time and effort into creating this peice of art and knowledge. May blessings line your way like stars line the sky.

This video is amazing. I've been creative my entire life (40yo now) and there are frequent times in the last 20 that I just feel absolutely nuts, and part of it is from the possibilities I see in the universe - which is something this video touches on. I latch on to one philosophy or way of thinking, which then sends me to another, and then another, and so on. It's exhausting and soul-draining to be in so many places and thoughts at once. But really I can relate to so much of this video. I am so glad and relieved that I am not alone. Much love to all my fellows out there, and thank you so much to the OP.

The creative urge to write things down and the pain of loosing valuable notes is differnt. Artist, rapper, future inventor here 👋🏾

OMG, thank you for your art work. I’m been deeply moved. Bless you well.

Such a heartwarming outro. Thank you..

I believe this entire reality is a giant art project and probably one of many currently being created by an artist or artists we can't even begin to comprehend. It's beautiful, really.

Damn this video really hit. I loved making art, literature, and singing that'd make people feel something, incorporating fiction to realism for the arts and lit that'd make people relate. I used to see things outside the norm and it was exciting to look at for most part. It's like molding something of potential and watching it grow on its own. Nowadays I feel linear. I like to think that maybe it's just adulthood and that everyone else feels the same; I have the urge to be like the rest so life becomes simpler because the mental anguish is difficult to cope with. Sometimes I think of my fellow creatives and if they're able to adapt, then so should I, right? It's like being forced into something that doesn't fit you and hoping that overtime, you'll mold into it no matter how painful and not really worth it. I worry sometimes of living the rest of my life dull, depressed, and not creative enough that I lose soul.

This video is a masterpiece. Engaging, very well structured take on creativity - never thought about chaos in the context of originality like how you put 👌

annihilation is such a trippy movie (great video- so glad u added the last part)

I needed this, thank you

I guess I fit this mold, but I don't suffer over it. It was weird as a teenager, keeping to myself daydreaming, but as an adult who can manage my time it's entirely a blessing.

Very eloquently put. I often forget that there are other people that suffer from this blessing or are blessed with this cursed. And it gives me some comfort. Thank you

The eloquence of expressing thought as distinctly as you do, is not rare but simply exceptional my friend. I truly enjoyed the video. Subscribed :)

*_I cried the whole video._* I've been creative for 20+ years. I've made $0 from it. I've had 5,000 people read a story I've written. I'm so depressed.

everything you said is exactly what's been on my mind lately. I'm a video production major in college, I know I have to get into this line of work because I would hate doing any other job. Any job that doesn't involve creativity.

You have a very profound mind my friend. It has helped me to focus a bit, find a little direction in my chaos.

You just truly explained how I've felt my whole life, I've been always depressed and anxious because i can't express these ideas inside me that people would enjoy and realise my full potential. Creativity is like a poison when not released into the world for everyone to see, when you keep it inside and not expressed it destroys you slowly and truly makes you go insane. I have had so many ideas and concepts in my head since I was a very small child ( about 3 years old) up to today that never saw light of day and it just kills me. And what you said about chaos is really true, i never knew how to explain it but i guess that's the point all these things i saw and envisioned that no-one else could would scare me even, cause trying to understand them and put them into order seemed nearly impossible, it felt like these things were to grand for my mind to fully grasp sometimes.

Its important to never give up on creativity but its just as important to stay grounded and don't become obsessive with your own craft. It will lead to years of stress, isolation and hubris. Also, by taking a break from creating and taking the time to smell the roses, you're art will become better and you'll free yourself from tunnel vision.

I agree with everything stated in this video. Over the years, I struggled with the chaos, and yes I painted to make sense of it. To create order out of it. But in my struggle to put my work out, my creativity was beaten out of me. For years, I didnt lift my paint brush. Ironically, today as I write this, I am in pursuit of that chaos that was once present in me. Perhaps that was the only thing I could rely on. Thankyou for this video, I am glad to know there are more creative people out there.

this video speaks to me on a very deep level that i cant really explain

Great viewpoint, I totally understand as an indie filmmaker I’m blown away when 1 person watches and enjoys my film, and floored when a theatre of people enjoy it. Keep up the good work!

Highly relatable. Beautiful video. One thing I've learned as an artist is that even though I may make no money off my work, it does not define my gift. Just having the gift alone is a blessing, and I feel blessed because of it. When I don't create I feel dead inside, or just confused. We have to create for ourselves as much as the world.

Thanks for what you do and everything you have done and your contribution to art and KZfaq.

It’s crazy how I was recommended this video after thinking about this for weeks. Pain and art will always be intertwined for me. I have always had this intense urge to create, ever since I was small. But severe mental illness can make it extremely hard to find the passion or motivation to create anything. I will say, my writing is at its best when I am at my worst. I think it’s because I am able to take my suffering and transform it into something tangible. Sometimes, it makes everything feel worth it. Art is proof that we exist and that we feel. No other animals or creatures can do what we do because they don’t have the burden of the knowledge that they exist in the same way that we do. So we can take all that pain, the questioning, the suffering, joy, sadness, beauty, and we can produce physical manifestations of it based off of our own unique perceptions. It’s truly amazing and I think it’s what separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom. It’s the self-awareness that makes it possible and hence, why I believe creatives are more prone to mental illness. We are able to self-reflect in a way that a lot of people cannot. We are too aware.

Never have I heard such a perfect and brilliant explanation of such a topic. The uncertain character of a creative individual isn't often discussed in such a beautiful manner. You should be very proud of your work

I just found this today, and you sir, are a beautiful person. Ty, you have just earned a new admirer.

To unlock creativity to reality is to understand that in many cases, only you can see what you see. If everyone can understand and see what you see, it wouldn't be innovative. It is the trait that makes something NEW.

I got kicked out of art school at the age of 17 and it fucking crushed me for ages. After that I never felt like my art was as good as it was when I was around that age. I still look at my art from teenage years and adore it much more than my recently made art. I used to fill large A4 sketchbooks in a handful of months. Now the big sketchbook has been largely untouched. I had a heureka moment a week ago. Started carrying a meek grey sketchbook with me, which I've been doodling absolute dogshit art into every day. I sketch every day now and find myself looking forward to it whenever I have a free few minutes.

I throughly enjoyed your video! I’m glad you decided to keep creating and in the process your inspiring others to do the same

Discovering this video and the comment section is a blessing. Being a creative individual is painful, and it hurts more when you struggle to find others who face and understand the same feelings you have. Both the video and this entire comment section resonates with me so well. I spent like 10 minutes reading these comments, and I spent a good 10-15 minutes writing down on my note app a bunch of creative things that came to mind when reflecting on what I had just read. When you stop and think about it, this comment section reveals only a small percentage of highly creative people. There are way more creative individuals out there, and many of them are struggling with the same problems we are all facing here. Crazy to think too that many creative individuals in history probably lived their lives never meeting other creative individuals. This comment section contains more creative individuals than I can imagine meeting in the span of several years. There's a lot that comes to mind, but I struggle to write precisely what ideas my chaotic mind is communicating to me -- and this is of course one of the curses of creativity that this video discusses (also, I would be writing this comment forever if I were to continue lol).

I truy believe creativity isn't really a problem at all; it's that we live in society that uses it, but really never knows nor appreciate the value of it.. which seems insane to say, but I think psychosis and other mental illnesses wouldn't be a problem if people were ever treated correctly... On another note; this entire video inspired another story for me. I .... don't have time to write as much as before now days though......

This is magnificent, a true art piece. Even with just your words and the classical music choice. But you know what takes the cake? Willem dafoe and your smooth editing lol.

Thank you. Process is over and over. It’s the best part. 😃🤓 when a work is finished it’s good and we obsessively repeat our own words to ourselves as an example.

Excellent video. Thank you for articulating what I could not my entire life.