🧡 If you find benefit in my videos, consider supporting the channel by joining us on Patreon and get fun extras like exclusive videos, ad-free audio-only versions, and extensive show notes: www.patreon.com/dougsseculardharma 🙂 📙 You can find my new book here: books2read.com/buddhisthandbook

I’m from Latin America and find Varela’s comments puzzling; I don’t see self-hatred as an exclusively American phenomenom. I see it everywhere here and in myself. As a fellow commenter mentioned, we should not discount the influence of Christianity, particularly of certain brands of Christian doctrine. Catholicism comes to mind, as does prosperity theology, which has seen a surge in my country in the past couple of decades.

I am from Lithuania and can tell that self-hatred is very common in my country too, not only in the US. It seems that it is a part of the hustle culture. Thank you for your videos. Interesting as always.

I would say that in France it's about superiority complex, the eagerness to succeed in life and be better than your neighbour. Once you see that you're just like anyone or even fail at something, self hatred rises for not being enough

This was a fantastic discussion. A++

Excellent as always.

Thank you Doug for this very comprehensive video. From my experience living in germany, depending on your social background, low self esteem or self hatred became part of our society. People tend to rise themselves self esteem by doing down others just as you mentioned. As many practices are shared in your video, I'd like so share mine as well. Maybe someone can get something out of it. From my personal background, being kind to others was never a problem. Same goes for sharing love with the people I consider my family. So there has been an initial spark of love and kindness I started to cultivate love, kindness and also self-love from. Whenever I become aware of thoughts of self hatred, I take a moment and transform this unskillful thought into an internal conversation like I was talking to somebody else,maybe a good friend, who just elaborated a unskillful thought about his self to me. Then I try to imagine what I would respond to him. As it is easy for me being kind and loving to others, this mental setup helps me to project this love and kindness to my self. I hope I could transport the approach in an understandable way. =) Thanks again for the video. I hope the renovation of your house goes well! Thanks for reading and take care.

There's a lot of self hatred in the UK too. There's a lot of perfectionism too, especially for women. Funnily enough the positive and negative columns reminds me of CBT where you write the negative thought and then write how logical the negative thought is.

These sorts of symptomatic treatments are definitely useful, but are only bandaids when the root problem is repressed trauma, as it was in my case. One of the problems with repressed trauma is that the sufferer themselves can be entirely unaware of it. Nonetheless, practicing Buddhism was an essential part of my recovery. I put together Jungian psychology and Buddhism for myself to resolve these sorts of problems, and only then discovered Doshin Roshi, who with his Integral Zen is doing the same thing systematically. I highly recommend his work.

As a latinamerican, I can confirm that this is not just a US problem. Rather, I think it's a divide between more traditional communities and the places swallowed by globalization and modernity. The way I see it, one doesn't hate oneself because one thinks oneself to be worthless. Rather, one hates oneself because one is aware that society considers us unworthy, and we believe it unless we have something to cling on and fight back at the judgement. It's like the freudian concept of the Super Ego, or the Big Other: we interiorize the point of view of society and culture, and we criticize ourselves the way they do. In traditional societies, on the other hand, people have religion to counteract the superficial and materialistic demands of society. If tibetans believe in Buddha, then they are conscious that the worth of an individual has nothing to do with such things, in the same way that the christians of old knew that the world was sinful and unjust and so not to be taken seriously. People were united by a positive and compassionate view of reality which opposed the selfish view which is now rampant in the modern world. Without religious beliefs, without faith in the metaphysical unity of existence, people are left with a world led by subjectivity, selfishness and materialism.

Love from Malaysia ❤️

Great presentation as usual 👏🏼 I was initially a bit confused by the title. To me HHDL can't be confused about anything but that's because I am following the Tibetan route and am biased naturally hahaha. I understand where you are coming from and remember reading about Sharon Salzburg's experience and being similarly intrigued by the DL's view.

I heard Sogyal Rinpoche comment on this many years ago. He said that the Tibetan masters had never heard of the self-loathing of people in the West, so I don't think he believed it was a strictly American neurosis. So, I don't think that the assessment of Europeans being better adjusted because they grew up in a tiered society and Americans being less so because they grew up in a melting pot rings true. I will match my neuroses against anybody else's neuroses. However, when I first learned about Buddha nature (also from Sogyal) it began to change everything for me. He said, "Your Buddha nature is as good as any Budda's Buddha nature." It truly was revelatory and inspiring to know that my fundamental nature was identical to the Buddha's. A very interesting video. Thanks.

Personally my low self esteem comes from trying to avoid arrogance, it's very hard to know the fine line and I try and shatter my ego to stay humble, it's very tiring and I've been on a long journey to build my confidence while still staying away from arrogant mindset

Wonderful talk, I found it fascinating. Just (thankfully) stumbled onto your channel. Subbed and will be digging into your videos... Thank you!🙏

As always, wonderful video, sir. Thank you for the insights. I found some of your points very eye-opening. This concept of the role of material culture in the west as a root to our self-image is very interesting to me.

Thank you. This video is so helpful and insightful. I was born in Europe and live in the USA, I very much resonate with this topic. I have not heard of anxiety before moving here. Nor have I ever looked into protein or carb content of any foods before 😳🧐🤔😊

This blew my mind - the idea that this wasn't a problem in other parts of the world. I've many times felt lost and without a real culture in the US, as we're more of a salad bowl of many cultures. As soon as I left my family's religion, there was very little to make me feel socially stable. Thanks so much for the thoughts

I think self image is one of the most interesting things and it is a hugely important idea in this media age where comparison to others is hyper developed. Like what is this self reflection? It’s something totally illusory but also, so powerful. I think a good first step is to examine it with compassion. Look into the mirror. Remember narcissus peering into the pool.

The initial story or rumour is really surprising. Allan Watts was intimately familiar with this idea and published many writings on it; one notable one was, _The Wisdom of Insecurity_ . I always like to note that he also had the "perfectionist" moon sign in his astrology (Virgo of course). Everyone that I know like that had that, struggled the most with self-esteem growing up

Doug is looking too beautiful on my new 32 inch 2k screen. His beauty is causing me attachments. I see you Mara.

This is very interesting. It reminded me of similar views erxpressed by mexican poet Octavio Paz about his own country. He saw that same self-hatred in mexican people and linked it to our position in global politics and how our country is an amalgamation of many forces (spanish and several native tribes) and how that gave us a sort of existential crisis which almost forced us to act aggresively as a result of said existentialism.

Love the lighting in this video. Say, would you be interested in volunteer assistance editing your video transcripts? I noticed you have neat video chapter-titles. A book could be made.

❤️ the Dalai Lama,, 🌹🌹🌹

Thanissaro Bhikku, or Ahjan Geoff, is the abbot of the Metta monastery near San Diego. Although he is not secular, his approach to teaching concentration or meditation is so excellent. A life-long buddhist myself, I never made any progress until I listened to his discourses on how to meditate. He is a very talented teacher with never a hint of ego. His discourses can be found on KZfaq.

Great video, Doug! About "American nervousness", I must say, as a foreigner, non-native English speaker, that I've had always been dumbfounded by the expression "XX person is worth XXX dollars". I find it very telling and I don't think it's a very helpful way of putting it. In my native tongue, you would say that someone "possesses" or has a "state" of whatever dollars. However, I do think that there is in fact self-hatred here in Europe, maybe a bit differently than in the States

Thanks Doug. I think the origins of low self esteem are often in childhood where we tend to powerfully internalise the negativity of those around us. This negativity is expressed by people, such as parents and teachers, who are in authority. We don't have a framework for understanding that those who express such negativity often do so as a result of their own issues or that negative constructions have a significant cultural element. Low self esteem includes a set of "I statements"; "this I am"; which frame the individual understanding of their place in society and personal relationships. The problem with making positive statements about oneself, is that these are always relative and have within them, their opposite. So if I tell myself I am a kind person to build my self-esteem, I may be mortified when meeting someone kinder than me. Their kindness only emphasises my selfishness and I crash into self hatred. For this reason, these I statements and the self that they define, are illusory and a source of suffering. I don't think that MBSR really goes into the philosophy of propositions in the way that buddhist scholars have done. Observing thoughts as thoughts is important, but there also has to be a way of deconstructing thoughts because they contain powerful narratives that can otherwise be difficult to overcome.

It's surprising and interesting that self-hatred could be largely cultural; I can't remember a time without that kind of malefic, face-value, comparative form of self-critcism. The link between wealth and status in the US, and that you're told it's achievable and should be strived for, makes a lot of sense as an origin for this kind of self-hatred. I think at it's core the mechanism for this kind of self-hatred is a comparison between what is (you right now), and what could be (high wealth and status). You compare your current circumstances with the pinnacle of what is achievable, and that gap seems insurmountable and impossible, defining yourself as what you are not. I think this compounds into a more general self-hatred when this mechanic bleeds into axes other than wealth/status. This is definitely a problem I still grapple with, great video and I appreciate the strategies!

Excellent presentation as usual Doug. Have you read Howard Cutler's The Art of Happiness? He also covers this topic in his conversations with H.H. The Dalai Lama.

Personally speaking, I prefer the third practice proposed by John Kabat-Zin to three other practices. I think it coincides much with Buddhist notion of "anatta". I'm worried that other practices tend to enforce our ego and lead us astray. Thank you for this video! 😊👍

Where the middle path comes in.

Something I came across on this (from an Eckhart Tolle book I think), and I'll paraphrase, (probably poorly 😁) If you think you hate yourself, reflect on if you prefer to be happy or sad, and how many things you do in a day to bring yourself happiness in even small ways.... Now ask yourself, when is the last time you wished happiness on someone you hated??

I don't have a source for this but I have a feeling that self hatred will be most present in those nations that embraced post enlightenment rationalist thinking...which had many benefits that we can't ignore but also (I feel) destroyed some of the vital link between us and our true selves/spirits.

Thubten Jinpa is right there is a major cultural difference. Tibetans also find it very puzzling the major hang-ups some Westerners have about their relationships with their mothers as they adore theirs!

We have the luxury ( self hate) , we have a lot to learn. 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

Interesting observations, Doug- It made me think of the "Karen culture" that seems to be more of a US thing and whether or not some people's righteous indignation over relatively innocuous things may stem from low self-esteem. It astounds me how often this happens- people getting angry over rules to wear a mask, or road rage. Truly, the "middle path" is the best way to go.

I am honestly having difficulty comprehending that self loathing could possibly be a cultural thing... I am American, and I've always assumed that self hatred was universal. If my ancestors had stayed in Europe, would I have higher self esteem?

Low Self esteem is there in every culture. People at the bottom of the pyramid experienced it but not self hatred. Self hatred may be there in very few cases. I think self hatred and low self esteem are two different thing not same.

Think it's important to distinguish between the concept of "self-esteem" and the phenomenon that one labels this way. The word "self" doesn't have an exact analogue in most languages. So, in a sense people can't even think of "self-esteem" in the way English speakers do. I have encountered French texts which actually use the English words. With respect to broader cultural differences, no doubt the focus on the individual in Euro cultures since the Enlightenment is a precondition for a preoccupation with consciously defining--and judging--one's "self" as distinct from others--and in comparison with them. This is something that people in cultures where people's define themselves in terms of their social relations and roles don't think of in the same way. Which isn't to say that people all over the world don't get depressed and feel what we would call "self-hatred."

I wouldn't say the low self-esteem problem is only a western problem, perhaps not in Tibetan culture but I have seen and suffered myself from it.

The loving-kindness practice aimed at oneself is a rather interesting practice/idea, I’m glad you talked about it in this video. I do disagree with the idea that Americans are uniquely struggling with self-esteem related issues. I would imagine that we would find similar results in any neoliberal corporate-run nations. In America, our entire self-worth and sense of personal morals/ethics is based on the idea that everything that happens to us is of our own doing - that we are responsible for fulfilling all of the duties that the government chooses not to do, like healthcare. As a result, there tends to be a dispositional overt attitude of contempt in America towards workers, immigrants, and those of different beliefs, all of whom tend to need financial assistance, while an overt attitude of adoration exists towards corporations. Workers who work 16 hour days across multiple jobs and die from being unable to afford insulin are said to be lazy and entitled - whenever someone needs help there’s an immediate negative reaction due to sensing moral inferiority. Corporations, in contrast, are always presented in the best light. Corporations buy labor from workers, but employment is only ever portrayed as a gift/service/kindness bestowed to the undeserving worker, that the corporation is creating jobs instead of making a business move. I think people who live in our nation, or nations like ours, will inevitably have low self-worth due to having awful living and work conditions, attitudes of contempt and adoration, self-blame for all problems, and limited ability to change things or advocate for oneself without getting executed. I don’t think the issue is the absence of a rigid hierarchy, but rather the presence of one.

In today's globalized interconnected and interdependent world, cultures are influencing each other mutually; and there is an emerging global perspective. The explanation of the common low self-esteem in the USA I think is valid, encapsulated in that expression "American nervousness", the state of uncertainty incites the ego more. I wouldn't reduce this phenomenon to only the USA, but the USA may have had a big influence. As I said, in this globalised world, I think every person that has access to a smartphone is now liable to this sort of influence. The culture of the digital age is only exacerbating this mentality. It can't be pinpointed to the USA, because the meaning crisis is becoming ubiquitous on a global scale.

It definitely exists in East Asian countries. It's one of the defining aspects of Hikikomori in Japan. The same could be said for the societal demands of chinese and koreans which has gotten worse as the countries develop and familial relationships are restructured.

I dont know if i agree that there are some cultures where self-hatred cannot be found. It's a result of a parent shaming their child from a young age... it is internalized shame. .. which I would wager, is a universal human experience. Its like saying a culture doesnt have a particular emotion. Maybe they dont label it the same way, but i would keep diging before announcing that Tibet has no people who compulsively self shame

It's also a phenomenon in Australia, probably because Australians like to copy American and British culture.

Oooh I was always curious about that conversation! Now I have to disagree with the ideas that self-hatred is an American thing (I'm not American and see a lot of that). My guess that is is realted to how capitalism places your worth in productivity, personal growth and external success measures. Another factor could be Christianity, where self-hatred is not a requirement but a common enough byproduct of faith (the concept of sin is very helpful). Really interesting topic, I wonder if there's a book on cultural history of self-hatred.

This episode is deeply interesting to me as I struggle with self-loathing rather a lot. But I do not think, from my own experience living and travelling abroad and reading various cultural literature, that this is unique to Americans. For instance, in Japan, where I live now, there are often waves of suicides and expressions of self-pity that surface to the point of making headlines. (I don't want to mention this, but perhaps look up Aokigahara if you can handle a dark topic like self harm). I think these occurences do happen in other places, possibly among Tibetans too, but for one reason or another, discussing self-loathing is stigmatized or expressed to others in a different way. And I plain do not agree/buy that France doesn't have self-loathing, half their literature wouldn't even exist if that were the case (see Candide or Les Miserables).

Thank you for your excellent videos. I recently downloaded « The Ultimate Buddhism Library- A Collection of 50 Books ». It contains a preface by Paul Carus written in 1894😀 and no Index or notes. I’m wondering if you have any advice concerning its usefulness for a modern reader who wishes to become familiar with « original » texts. How might a reader best use it as a reference tool? Thank you very much.

I remember hearing about this reaction of the Dalai lama years ago. Quite an 'enlightening' reaction in itself ! . When a society determines one's worth in the amount of material goods and wealth , while 40% of it's population has to work two to three jobs just to survive, it's not strange people start to get depressed . I think a lot of European countries experimented with other policies, while the U.S stagnated. There is large middle class in Europe.There are less ultra rich, but also less extreme poor. More time off, healthcare for all, Education for all etc,etc.It's hardly an Utopia, but the balance has shifted between material wealth to working less , having more quality time , family time, lazy time (meditation time ;) etc This doesn't mean Europeans don't like money ..obviously they do😅

A Buddhist would say "What self?". And yes, there are cultural differences. But the truth is every problem is based on self-clinging. That said, go to a therapist if you have a big problem with low self esteem.

😊🙏

Self hatred is common in Western countries, especially in the United States. The education in the United States is structured in a way that encourages students to become ambitious, competitive, and acquisitive. The attitude of "the more you have, the more successful you are, the less you have, the less successful you are" is often adopted by the students, knowingly or unknowingly. The result of this education is a culture which revolves around business, pleasure, experiences, domination, and comparison. Comparison is measurement. When there is comparison there is either pleasure or pain. I compare myself with you and I say you are much more clever than I, more handsome than I, and then I feel inadequate, I begin to hate myself. But I know what you're going to say, "how do I stop comparing myself with other people? What technique should I use?" There is no technique. Once you understand that comparison leads to pleasure or pain you stop doing it.

Western self-hatred and self-pity are deeply rooted. Only once the practitioner has finalized the necessary prerequisites of renunciation, mahamudra and bodhicitta can it be completely overcome by the practice of Kriya Tantra Maha Anuttara Yoga.

🙏

If I may, once a man understands the meaning of victory, that the individuals belonging to the enemy race should be wiped out, then he learns the meaning of Goodness, he retracts from doing Good, and he takes the position of the succorer.

Self hatred, comes from an inability to understand yourself deeply. You cannot both understand yourself and hate yourself, just as you also cannot both understand someone and hate them. If you understood yourself and anyone else as a biological machine being born with a certain genetic makeup and having gone through certain experiences that have shaped you, you cannot hate.

Could it also be that guilt like trauma crosses generations - a possible explanation given the amount of (ongoing) suffering across the world the US is responsible for?

Seems to me the “American nervousness” would have been more evident in those who came to the US in search of the “American Dream”. The early settlers, and those who kept moving onto the frontiers, were more likely driven to provide for themselves and their families. And there sense of worth would have been based in the well-being of their family rather than comparison to a society that was way back East.

This reminds me the 3 kinds of Maana or conceit. Hina Maan - inferiority feeling, Sadisa Maana or Equality feeling and Seyyo Maana or superiority feeling.

OK, this is complicated and I am not an expert. I am from Europe and I do not know how people feel in the USA, however I think that having a more free and loose society is more challenging. Of course this may cause more anxiety and self doubt. This is part of the cost of having more freedom (may I also call it impermanence?). Where you have less freedom, maybe instead of anxiety you have depression and boredom because whatever you do, not much can change. Actually we should accept impermanence, that is to say that in my humble opinion a more challenging social structure is by definition healthier. Yet it can be too challenging for some people and other people may just wish for more contentment, which is still an option. Being able to choose instead of being forced into contentment, makes a huge difference in terms of personal well being. Indeed some people struggle more than others, but isn't that the way existence is meant to be? Part of my practice was about accepting embracing and enjoying impermanence and freedom. Imperfection is part of it. I will keep this short and stop here. Thanks a lot for your videos and all the best for your home.

I'm very surprised by the afirmation about self esteem in south america. I live in Brazil and this is something very present in our daily lives, especially regarding woman. But this is a very recent phenomenon here.

Is there a "self" in Buddhism anyway? 🎍

Can there be self love when there is non-self? Again, can one radiate loving kindness towards oneself when there is non-self?

My own take on self-loathing is as follows. While all you said about American nervousness may be true, I think it's secondary (at best). One key reason for self-loathing in America is that it's so predominately selfish and individualistic. Where there is fierce competition and envy, people are apt to adopt self-isolating lifestyles; a sense of separateness becomes acute. Moreover, Americans tend to overvalue externals, defining wealth in terms of material possessions, social status, power, and so forth. These can be taken away; they're subject to change and dissolution. Meaning: at the expense of focusing so much attention on that which fades or can be taken away, there's no foundation within. There's no recognition that one can actually be happy with very few possessions. The excessive pursuit of material wealth, status, and power prove hollow. They're poor substitutes for lack of love - in other words, attempts at covering up self-loathing. Trying hard to become a big shot, one always feels one is never enough, which generates dissatisfaction and low self-esteem. The bottom line is that the more you're focused on yourself, you isolate yourself and exacerbate your loneliness. Your attempt to set yourself apart, to be special, creates that loneliness. In that loneliness, you cannot love, only cover up that loneliness with pleasures, possessions, and so-called relationships. With that lack of love, self-loathing is never far away. So the antidote to that is to turn one's attention in the opposite direction: to people besides yourself. One engages with people in a spirit of service, without wondering what one can get from them in return. It's not about high self-esteem any more than it is about low self-esteem. One recognizes others and oneself as inseparable, and therefore to help others is to help oneself. Another way of approaching the issue of self-loathing is to see that the "self" one focuses on doesn't actually exist. Self-loathing arises from confusion, from clinging to and considering real what is actually a fiction. What is called the "self" is by nature unstable (not solid as we habitually think), since it's nothing more than a stream of thoughts, concepts, images. (We like to think we "own" our ideas, but the point is that there's no such self that can own them.) You cannot have positive feelings about "yourself" indefinitely. The misery stems from wanting to secure those pleasant feelings. But since the "self" is by nature unstable and changing, those feelings will give way to unpleasant ones at some point. The only way out of this is to realize that so long as clinging to this "self" remains, so too will the self-loathing. The antidote is to observe both pleasant and unpleasant feelings coming and going without attachment or exaggerating their importance. It's not about the "self" trying to make itself happy - which will only produce the opposite effect - but rather about letting go and being of service.

I really doubt that the Dalai Lama had no understanding of low self esteem. Tibetan Buddhism talks about mental attitudes where a person will develop a loathing of themselves for all sorts of reasons.

If you believe in Karma and that all the sentient beings have the seed of Buddha Nature than instead self loathing, we all have chances to improve ourselves. As for me , born in a Buddhist family and believers of rebirths gives me the hope that I can gradually reach the enlightenment by improving myself , so I have no stress to be perfect! Those groups that have the beliefs that you are born only once and you have to achieve everything in this life, what the society thinks should : good looks, youthfulness , perfect body, successful careers , wealth etc , makes average people have low self esteem .

Varela got it wrong, at least the interpretation. Here in Chile there is not much cultural talks of self hatred, but it is something that people do, its just not reflected in the mainstrem.

A better question is: how do Europeans achieve high self-esteem? Is self-esteem possible for racists? Is self esteem possible for colonialists? Is it possible for a country that just a few generations ago (fixing basically nothing from this event) threw the entire world into a conflict directly because of racism, homophobia, misogyny etc etc can such a nation or group of nations achieve genuine self-esteem? I don't think that doctor was being honest. Whatsmore if Europeans now are suddenly happy and walking around with deep self-esteem it issues the lesson that in order to achieve this one must murder, manufacture hatred and disease in lesser nations in order to do so - they do not come to their place on other terms unless over taken by delusions.

I saw that others had already implicated the varieties of American Christianity, and I wanted to add that there are a number of other worldviews in America that are probably contributing to this issue as well. Utilitarianism, hyper competitive productivity, status, and identity through materialism are wreaking havoc on our psyches. It's not just that we have to serve a purpose and carry our own weight, no... we are required to EXCEL at it. And the indicators of this success must be proven through some sort of quantifiable means, namely MONEY. All the while advertising our status, trying to out-do one another. It' no wonder we lead the world in psychological issues. And, at the risk of ganging up on Christianity, there is another issue hidden underneath, and that stems from the dualism inherent in the worldview. Which I think is connected to the lack of rootedness that Doug was speaking about. If we feel separate from this Universe (regardless of whether you take a theist or nontheist POV) , the downstream effects can be very very toxic indeed.

I see it more in the middle classe, no matter where.

Oh, and what ever happened to the self as an illusion?

I don’t believe this is cultural. Suicide rates and mental health issues in many Asian cultures are very high and not widely discussed or more often actively covered up as this relates to the public loss of face for the affected family. It is actually very sad that this is the prevailing attitude.

Thank you for thought provocative talk. But this is left me even more confused on the worth of being a human-being. No matter how one looks at this; it is simply insignificant. There are so many, so many lifeforms appear and fade away at all the time. How are we different from each other to have some unique worth? I go one set ahead, that humans are not very much different from rest of the living subjects; like us, they too come in to being and finish off. No one is more worthful than the rest. There is little point in first having a desire or wish for some imaginary worth and then getting sad on the realization of not having that in real terms. Or is there something I’m entirely missing? - Regards.

Guilt is also a foreign concept to Tibetans.

I find Tibetans, Native Americans, etc., much much wiser than the nations of white people. We should be all learning from them. They know what life is really about. It is not about possession and money. It is about living the life, in the now and simply enjoying it. I love to learn from their cultures. It is so sad what white Americans done to the Native Americans. I come from Poland but have always been attracted to the philosophies of these 'primitive' cultures.

In many traditional cultures people with mental health issues are marginalised and figuratively or literally demonised. I expect that there is a huge amount of unidentified and untreated mental illness in Tibet. As a psychotherapist, my experience leads me to believe that the particularity and individuality of people renders most colloquial, broad-brush phrases like self-hatred pretty meaningless and any simple explanation of how such things develop or can be ‘cured’ is a waste of time. To be honest, get real. Imagine what people go through as kids and how this affects them so profoundly as adults. Positive self-affirmation is just not enough.

To the Tibetan, when you say "self-hatred or self-love", it sounds like you are saying your eye-ball is looking at your eye-ball.

Perhaps our culture itself feels guilty about slavery and indigenous genocide. This guilt has been bred into us. We know what our ancestors did and how some of us have benefited from those crimes. We are both guilty and not guilty. I think this might play a role in self-hatred.

I think self hatred was implemented by Christianity, with their idea of original sin.

Very interesting. I think this is a question for psychologists and sociologists. I would be careful with using Buddhists texts as psychological help. There may be a lot of stuff that you wouldn’t want to apply (i.e.: the Buddha’s teaching methods were sometimes a bit old school and harsh 😊). Low self-esteem is certainly not exclusively American. Look at the Japanese Hikikomori. But also growing up in a wealthy country in Europe, a lot of my peers had low self-esteem. I think in many cultures it is taboo to express that you have low self-esteem. This might lead to many people thinking there is no low self-esteem (as there are “no gay people” in countries where it is not socially accepted). I think that any meritocratic culture in which there is a lot of pressure to achieve, having low self esteem is very natural. We are always grasping for the next achievement. It is never enough. Everything you did not achieve says more about you than what you did achieve. Parents often project the expectations they consider normal on the child, not keeping in mind the abilities of the child. That being said: I think Metta meditation certainly doesn’t harm. Low self-esteem often comes from the negative self-talk we get when we feel that our parents love is conditional. If you achieve, I love you, if you fail, I ignore or berate you. When you change the tone in which you talk to yourself and become your own friend it can have a very positive impact.

The all knowing da la llama knows nothing of the human self doubt..how does he not know?..the teacher doesn't know anything but the western throne on which he sits on and speaks not against the westerns crimes committed on all beings

9:10 but then if you take a lens to where these names come from the place holder inverts, your family has the name because of their "ancient" function in the society, you're a cobbler because your great grandfather made shoes or whatever I find the "place" game in Europe to be unteneable to understand - they don't know who is meant to have what social place in reality.

i actually watched this conversation video. The translator of dalai lama couldn't translate the word to tibetan language. simple as that. that's why dalai lama was stumbled answering that question. translator's english wasn't that good. also translator's western culture knowledge was lacking. of course in Tibet, low self esteem exists, the similar words exist. dalai lama's knowledge is not that good, in my opinion. i read his book Lamrim. it was all Je tsonkopa's teachings. Which is Nagarjuna philosofer's idea: Nibbana is Emptiness (Sunnata). But authentic Buddha's teaching is not: Nibbana is sunnata. they are 2 different things. After i studied Vajrayana buddhism for a while, i got so dissappointed. It did Not seem like Buddha's teaching at all.

I think here you're ignoring Christianity to a great degree. The Christian worldview is one of self-hatred. You are a sinner, you are born evil and you are born with the tendency to commit evil. You are a wretched thing, short of the Perfect Glory of God and you can only gain any kind of merit or goodness by submitting yourself to God. You are, as a Christian, something loathsome. Something imperfect, broken, defiled and defiling. A thing that can only be saved from its own vileness by the Grace and Mercy of God. America was particularly afflicted by this because it became a haven for extremist Protestant sects which fled the persecution and violence of Europe in the throes of the Reformation. Many of these sects took this base concept to the extreme, viewing themselves as the few elect in a world mired in sinfulness and evil. In the West, we've had a culture embedded in us for the past fifteen centuries that we are evil creatures who must be saved by an outside force. That only through this outside force can our own evil nature be overcome. This is the foundational premise of Christianity- there is no need for the Saviour if there is no need for Salvation. What are we being Saved from? Our own nature as Sinful and Evil beings. This is why the West has such self-loathing. We're supposed to feel it. It's getting worse in recent generations because many are falling away from Christianity without realising that though they've left the Church, they're still carrying around the deep self-hate that Christianity instils in its adherents. We have the loathing without the intended cure to that loathing - submission to Christ.

Doug I think this is a case of being out of touch with normal people’s human experience. I have been a teacher in asian buddhist countries the last 8 years. And have friends who work in numerous countries also as teacher. Definitely self hatred and low self esteem exists in All of the ones I have worked. The premise of this video is way off. Japan for example has one of the highest rates of suicide in the world and self hatred is very real.

7:36 societal place cannot be such a simple concept given the turmoil that literally just happened re: nazism, anti-semetism etc etc its is precisely because Europeans do not know their place that atrocities like colonialism, slavery etc etc happened. I find this comment to be too naïve, too schizophrenically disconnected from a very violent history of finding that place.

What !?! No self hate in France !?.. Let me tell me there is a lot of self hate… Je vous jure que on ne s’aime pas du tout en France… Nous sommes partis les pays qui prennent le plus d’abri-dépresseurs