She's telling my story. After 19 years of gaslighting and lies and passive aggressive behavior, addictions and controlling me, and me suffering panic attacks, depression and complete loneliness, I gave my husband an ultimatum and he chose to leave and immediately found a new wife and life. Kids and I are still dealing with the fallout. I've chosen to stay single because it's much safer for me. Not sure I can ever trust again. That was 2020.

It is extremely difficult and costly to find a good counselor. So discouraging and disheartening, especially when issues with narcissism are involved.

There were life events between my husband and me that had hurt me, but my husband would never acknowledge my feelings. When I would try to talk to him, he would always tell me I was over-exaggerating, being too sensitive, being unforgiving.....WHATEVER. It was just always my fault. Three times, I sought out counseling to work through these things. If it WAS my fault, I wanted to get to the other side of it!! After several personal sessions, the counselor would ask me to "bring my husband with me next time". Three times, the group session ended up with the counselor being "schmoozed and delighted" by my husband's out-going personality, and I would walk out thinking, "yep, it's me! I'm so screwed up!" But the unhappiness continued. And his disrespect of me got worse over time as he became successful professionally and I got lost in caring for our children. Finally, it reached a point after 20 years that I figured I was incurable, and we were growing farther apart so let's just end this thing!! I moved out and, for four years, went to a counselor to try to find a cure for myself. Certainly didn't want to drag my mess into another relationship! My new Christian counselor had the ability to listen and steer me into different ways of thinking. She also suggested I sign up for a group study on BOUNDARIES. That's when I fell in love with Dr. Cloud!! My gradual ability to start setting boundaries, my husband's willingness to see the new counselor and the counselor's ability to guide each of us into taking individual ownership of our thoughts and actions and then come clean with each other AND ACTUALLY BEING HEARD (big aspect of the whole healing process, I think) resulted in our marriage reconciling....after almost 5 years of separation!! And we are now married almost 45 years...."off and on" my husband says. :) With God (and great counseling), all things are possible!! Don't give up!!!

I would also look at Leslie Vernick’s material distinguishing for yourself if it is a difficult disappointing or destructive relationship. But it is really important to take whatever time you need for yourself, obtaining emotional and moral support for yourself.

My psyche is a tangled mess of appreciation and gratitude and affection for my husband and how far we've come at the same time as hurt, frustration, exhaustion over what is not working and is downright soul draining. There is constant contradiction between needing connection and being intimate with my husband for him to then turn around and disrespect me, esp in front of my kids or others, and then I get angry for being available to him in any way.

I am here with you. Although I’m not dealing with sex addiction with my husband but the gas lighting a line can be so confusing and frustrating to say the least. It’s soul sucking. And then not having support, which is where I’m at as well. I joined this week Al- Anon and found a group of people who I feel comfortable with. I think it will be safer than trying to find friends as I haven’t had success in that realm. My husband has messed with my head by taking time off work and buying a last minute flight to help with his alcoholic father who nearly died due to the disease. When I got COVID with pneumonia a few months later he started an argument, yelling at me, how he was going to go to work and that was that. I couldn’t even stand long enough to cook. This wasn’t the first time he’d done this, abandoning me and then twisting it to me being unreasonable. I’ve had it. Because I don’t know what will be our future I am setting up my support. I’ve had a therapist for a couple years but I will need other support.

We were in counseling for 2 years and she didn't deal with his issues at all...she seemed to be afraid of him. This happens alot Dr Cloud. Wish counselors were at the level you are; unfortunately they just aren't

My heart is with you,💞 I am sailing the same ship!! God Bless, keep looking up!! 🙏🙌🙏

Not just narcissism..but sex/ porn addiction and dating apps... yes, where is the cut off ? Sad to say I have learned through my own journey we are not alone... but ...The PAIN is real, and it really, really hurts! 😥🙏 Not a healthy place to be standing I guess when we get the lesson finally. Then there is change?? Definition of Insanity.. Doing the Same Thing Over & Over Again and...Expecting Different Results.! Laughing 🤣at MYSELF😬😳

Great advice about counselors: they will look at BOTH people’s problems and address any blaming issues. Boundaries are about responsibility and ownership, not passing blame and responsibility.

My husband gaslight our Christian counselor for three years. I'm at my wits and have had panic attacks.

I was in her situation...but he was buying prostitutes. And any 'friend' or my family....he would go to them behind my back and pretend he was just being considerate of them, and say things like "I'm very worried about Jackie....she thinks she can get money out of you, and that bothers me. While he was hiding his secret sex life. And forcing me and our kids to sit in Catholic church with him....he could not ever miss mass, or that would mean he'd go to hell, according to him. We were living in hell being around him.

Dr. Cloud I need in dealing with my husband's addiction, the neglect and emotional trauma that vome with being in a relationship. When I share how certain behaviors are not okay in a healthy relationship and how I feel as a result he will deflect, deny or minimize. I told him firmly not to gaslight me. I told him I heard what I heard and not to tell me I didn't. I had to use the repeater method until he finally owned up to it, which is rare. It can be exhausting at times.

This is Great! Thank You SO Much Dr. Cloud!!

My son is a borderline and my husband is a narcissist and I’m cornered