THE DREADED SILENT TREATMENT - What's Up, Why & Best Ways to Respond
Рет қаралды 108,912
Ugh! The narcissistic Hijackal falls silent, ignores you, and won't respond. What's up with that? What are they hoping to achieve? What's your internal dialogue? What ways are most effective to respond? That's today's episode. Join in.
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They are so dismissive! Hijackals can treat you as though you're invisible, erased, and definitely not present. They want to impress upon you the contempt they feel for you. So, they fall silent.
HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:
- What Hijackals want to avoid by giving you The Silent Treatment
- Why narcissistic folks misguidedly think The Silent Treatment will work
- 7 ways to recognize The Silent Treatment as emotional abuse
- 6 ways NOT to respond to The Silent Treatment
- 4 MUST-DOS to respond to The Silent Treatment
Big power move...or, so they think! Until you understand the dynamics of this, you may be upset, distressed, and doing everything in your power to get the Hijackal to starting talking to you. Have you done that? What was the cost? I'll bet it was at the expense of your self-esteem at the very least!
* * Remember, narcissists and other toxic people come in all genders and ages * *
and toxic relationships can be at home, at work, at play... with your parent, boss, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker.
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I am Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor.
Are you in relationship with a Hijackal? That's someone who consistently puts you down, love-bombs and gaslights you, creates confusion and chaos, and causes you to second-guess yourself? I can help you recognize, understand, and make decisions about those kinds of narcissistic behavior…and especially, how to keep yourself (and your children) safe and sane.
No worries about where in the world you live. I work through private, secure video conferencing. So, we can certainly work together to figure a few things out.
CONNECT WITH ME:
Website: www.ForRelationshipHelp.com
Facebook: / relationshiphelpdoctor
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LinkedIn: / rhobertashaler
Instagram: @DrRhobertaShaler
KZfaq: / forrelationshiphelp
Get my free ebook at www.Hijackals.com
Take my free checklists: www.forrelationshiphelp.com/c...
Are you looking for relief from the pain, confusion and drama of toxic relationships? I can help.
You can reclaim your personal power. Keep watching my videos on KZfaq to find strategies for changing your relationship dynamics.. When you're ready, let's talk.
You can take advantage of my one-time. new client introductory Consultation here (only $97 for a full hour)
www.ForRelationshipHelp.com/join
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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#Hijackals #toxicpeople #narcissists #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #narcissisticabuse #personalitydisorder
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@TheBerkeleyBeauty 11 ай бұрын
I think I’m a narcissist’s worst nightmare. I’ll just go on about my business as if they weren’t even there. I prepare meals around them in the kitchen, watch movies, hold phone conversations, do household chores, play with the doggo. All while they’re “ignoring me”. I once booked a vacation, and was gone for 2 weeks. They had no idea where I had gone until I returned. Then they were VERY interested in talking . . . . . but by then, I wasn’t. 🤷🏽♀️
@TheBerkeleyBeauty 10 ай бұрын
@@keilaz7253 - Good for you. They’ll figure out they won’t be fed by you and they’ll move on. How was the vacation? Hope you had a wonderful time, and a nice break from the drama.
@justgeezer 9 ай бұрын
Wow, that holiday part is really epic :D
@FaintAura 8 ай бұрын
My "friend" with narc tendencies is giving me silent treatment right now. Already tried getting in touch with her, but literally never talking to her again until she breaks silence
@sashawalter4617 7 ай бұрын
Me too
@sherryk30 7 ай бұрын
@TheBerkeleyBeauty I'd do the same thing!
@SOFA0910 5 ай бұрын
They teach you how to leave without them. Eventually, you don’t care and you move on to a better relationship.
@denisevalley9021 3 ай бұрын
Yes, right on!
@Spiralclarity Ай бұрын
Yeah he's bad 100 percent
@holistikaspa3075 16 күн бұрын
That happened to me and left her before it got deeper into the relationship 😮byeeeee
@joeynarciso94 16 күн бұрын
Not necessarily unfortunately.....
@OneMongolian Ай бұрын
Don't ever threat to leave - JUST DO IT!
@Ms.Ny-Gee82 Ай бұрын
Great advice 😂thank you
@firesidechat7191 Ай бұрын
Yes don't do that. Leave quietly.
@duromusabc 23 күн бұрын
I did .. the narcissist said ok
@cindihunter9119 8 ай бұрын
The silent treatment is essentially a form of "killing someone." Take that in for a moment...
@Spiralclarity Ай бұрын
Exactly 💯 percent
@adriamaral300 Ай бұрын
The stupid games that human beings play all stemming from insecurity and fear and ego. This insatiable need to control and cause trauma and show that they’re so upset that they go this far and this long with this incredibly ridiculous drama and for what ?
@rantsandraves2k687 Ай бұрын
After years of dealing with a “friend” that does them I finally figured out they are narcissistic and I would block my number and leave them voicemails not harassing but saying nice things to them and saying things like I know you ignoring me is just disciplining me and it’s okay. I am not mad at you. Silence is healthy. Lo and behold days later they would unblock me by saying silence is good for the mind.. Over the years it’s become easier to deal with their “silence” it’s almost becoming my peace. It doesn’t really hurt me anymore. But we are also growing distant from one another and it also doesn’t hurt me as it used to. They teach us to live without them.
@Spiralclarity Ай бұрын
@@rantsandraves2k687 I wish you all the best.:-)
@marietteestabrook4098 25 күн бұрын
It’s devastating when you’re a child. Think soul murder. It contributes to abandonment fears.
@KP-mb9jx 26 күн бұрын
The day after Christmas, in 2006, he spent 3 days in the spare room completely ignoring me. He only left the room to use the bathroom, and at night, when he thought I was asleep, he would eventaully creep down the stairs to get food from the kitchen. When he did finally appear, he asked if I wanted coffee, which was his usual way of telling me that his tantrum, and my punishment, was over, but when I declined politely he continued with his childish behaviour, all of which I continued to ignore. This was the catalyst for me to finally get a divorce. My life has been so much better without this man child, financially and emotionally.
@joanbaczek2575 15 күн бұрын
Wow almost identical to mine!
@ChildofLightOfficial 14 күн бұрын
Sounds familiar.. lock themselves in a room for days. Mine would also wear headphones for hours to ignore me and avoid accountability/resolution
@lorihall4018 Ай бұрын
Narcissists are the true monsters. They ruin family relationships and friendships. They will lie and say horrible things about you, when you go no contact. They are the worse nightmare!
@cyndigrissom5998 16 күн бұрын
Couldn't believe anyone could destroy relationships with me and my children I gave birth to If this happens to you know its the lies of the Narcissistic person. PRAY against this behavior
@leonablack3516 24 күн бұрын
Remove the toxic parisite from your life . Dont put up with this abusive treatment. YOU ARE WORTH SOOOOOOO MUCH MORE.
@lavenderandgold8588 10 ай бұрын
it's truly amazing and baffling how people like this can switch so easily. they can be charming, supportive, helpful, etc but as soon as something comes around that is an inconvenience for them, even over the smallest thing, they can treat you so terribly. it really is an eye opener about what kind of person they are
@rondadepenbusch8152 9 ай бұрын
Brace yourself. You’ll never know them until you file for a divorce. Then they go bad s#it crazy and put more stipulations on things . Mood swings, worst than a teenage girl on her monthly . Power , control , and more things for punishment .
@sherriflemming3218 9 ай бұрын
How To Spot An Abuser On The First Date--Dr Sam Vaknin podcast The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Safe People by Dr Henry Cloud
@Sinazo_Gulwa 7 ай бұрын
I’m dealing with that as well speak😩
@lavenderandgold8588 7 ай бұрын
@@Sinazo_Gulwa i'm so sorry. please don't let their behavior define you as a person. what they're doing to you is 100% a problem with them.
@christinabryant5497 4 ай бұрын
@@sherriflemming3218 😊I’m 😅
@yowhatupmain 4 ай бұрын
Return the silence and ensure they never see or hear your voice ever again that’s my advice
@darleneullah8201 Ай бұрын
I certainly agree, at the are of 66 years old I realize people treat you like they view you.
@user-bi5mq4yy6r Ай бұрын
Like treating a celebrity like a wonderful person because of how they're viewed? Some celebrities get 'undeserved' love.
@TJ-nh1fc 29 күн бұрын
My son I'm guessing is a narcissist, like his dad. He wants to hurt me as much as he can. I won't go into detail. It does hurt me terribly.
@ruthycantfail 22 күн бұрын
@@TJ-nh1fcthat must be awful, I'm so sorry.
@rjoettesquire9358 17 күн бұрын
This is what I have chosen. I am happier & it is amazing how much more I hear, because they have no power over me.
@julybutterfly 7 ай бұрын
1. Personal weather report - name what's going on 2. Refuse to engage - no begging, no pleading, no apologizing. I am not playing your game. Take up space. 3. Enjoy the silence - enjoy the peace and quiet. Do what you want to do, go about your business the way you want. 4. Once silence is broken set new boundaries, your non-negotiables
@ThePossumone Жыл бұрын
Telling them how much it hurt you is giving them power so I would just act like it's no big deal as really they do NOT care
@debbiescott6018 Жыл бұрын
It make it worse for me saying any of that .but a do like that the silent treatment is nothing to do with me
@tidycoat 11 ай бұрын
I can’t see where it would help to ask them what the problem is and why they’re silent…they’ll just reply that it’s because you’re being difficult to deal with and won’t agree with them.
@KB-ih5gf 11 ай бұрын
Exactly! I foolishly allowed my ex back in my life and within days he told me I had issues and pissed him off because I left him. I explained that I wasn’t willing to play his games especially the silent treatment which was especially painful. He promptly stopped communicating. That was over a week ago. So here I am ending it again… though I’m not even going to bother telling him this time. I’m just blocking him.
@sherriflemming3218 11 ай бұрын
It's all control, power, and manipulation. Give them the silent treatment back. Ideally it's best to remove them from your life. If you need to respond, short answers.
@sherriflemming3218 11 ай бұрын
@@KB-ih5gf Wise indeed. They don't change. .Women are not rehabilitation centres for badly raised men ----Julia Roberts. Wouldn't you rather be alone than alone in two? Healthy love doesn't correlate with abuse. Many women don't leave dangerous relationships. Staying is a risk and leaving is a risk of escalation In The Presence Of Danger Masterclass- Gavin De Becker How To Spot An Abuser On The First Date- - Dr Sam Vaknin The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De. Becker Safe People by Dr Henry Cloud
@tsmart727 Ай бұрын
Moving on to a healthier relationship is the answer to hell with the Hijackal
@JohnElliott-eq5ri 3 ай бұрын
A friend of mine ended the "silence" perfectly...after 2 weeks of listening to crickets she had a realtor come do an evaluation of their house while her husband was home... suddenly he wanted to communicate! Cracks me up every time I think about it 😅
@alfonzo7822 Ай бұрын
Hope she went through with that threat and moved on 😅
@susanne1756 29 күн бұрын
Until the next time... these people Never change..! Best to find some happiness somewhere else. Life is too short..!
@marciafredericks7333 21 күн бұрын
I love this. Good for her. Well done.
@vernabryant2894 3 жыл бұрын
When they give you the silent treatment they are saying to you that they don't love you enough to talk to you.If you love someone you want to talk.Then they talk about you behind your back.They want you to say your sorry for things you don't even know what you've done wrong.
@ForRelationshipHelp 3 жыл бұрын
You're exactly right! They want you to beg and plead for them to talk to you, and part of that is that they want you to apologize for things you have not done. Sad. Nasty.
@peaceofmindofpeace1650 6 ай бұрын
Exactly my goodness I just apologize to a friend again for what for expressing my wondering why he doesn't talk much to me anymore lately. He said he was in a bad mood and not willing to have this conversation internallyai felt angry and hurt as if he is superior and im the immature person while I only asked him if he wanted to stop talking He also said he won't play games so if i want to stop talking we will stop and if i wanted to keep talking, we will talk. Belittling and also reversed psychology talking about games? I was just ecoressing my heart. I apologized today and even ssid that im aware of my issue assuming things for others. His reply: it's ok I don't take it personal" That hurted again.....
@beckye8799 3 ай бұрын
They won’t even text 😮
@matejak.4204 Ай бұрын
Omg 😮
@gigidayz6936 20 күн бұрын
EXACTLY what I am now going through with a once VERY trusted family member. She has TOTALLY discarded me. Its quite unfortunate.
@user-dm9cy8dw8i Ай бұрын
Dr Shaler- thank you.I finally had Enough of the silent treatment. Texted him to say I have had enough of the silent treatment. I said as he is unable to close the door on the relationship I will do it for him. I said he can delete my number. That I needed a man who is skilled and able to communicate about his emotions Wish me luck- I feel so much better.😊 Margaret
@susanne1756 29 күн бұрын
Good luck...You can do it...❤
@tham1353 4 ай бұрын
Accept their silence and take your power back. Make their choice to be silent, become a permanent one. Block all contact. You will absolutely then hear from their friends etc, how badly they think your treating them. Wait and hear the lies. Let them all think all of what ever suits them. Protect yourself, let it all go and say goodbye to people who enjoy hurting you. Make space for those who do see your worth. But more importantly make space to know your worth yourself.
@susanne1756 29 күн бұрын
The problem with this is that every time my husband gives me the silent treatment, I end up hating him even more. Soon, I will just leave the relationship, but not before I get my financial ducks in a row..!!
@happycampers7115 23 күн бұрын
Same girl same
@chrisslemons9079 22 күн бұрын
Ditto He just kept digging a bigger hole. I left. I’ve been gone for 3 months now. He is still trying to get me back. I’ve had to block him.
@patriciaabidi4481 22 күн бұрын
6 years 😳🙈
@stephaniematthaus1516 21 күн бұрын
You will happier without that crap. They think they can control you. Walk away. It’s a beautiful world without them.
@user-km4ul2ry4d 21 күн бұрын
Narcissistic abuse!
@fooled_twice4668 3 ай бұрын
silent treatment is the jackyl's favorite tactic- and so stealthy- if they "pretend" they just "need space" or make up another issue, like "i'm just down, can't talk right now..."- i fell for that one, and thought maybe I could "cheer" him up- he would go from hot and loving and fun to cold and sad and quiet. never knew which person i'd get. it took 3 silent treatments before i put it together- it was all an act. both the good times, and the bad times, all for control and to meet HIS needs, not mine. i realized i didn't want a life of intermittent silence, nor did i want a person who would control me, so i let the silent treatment go permanent. then, of course, he came BACK- wanted to have the final word. i wouldn't give him the satisfaction of a response. he's stayed away since! it was REALLY hard at first, feeling i'd lost something. but eventually i realized i never "had" anything- and don't need his validation to be a good/whole/happy person!
@OP-qf7qg Жыл бұрын
I’m currently enjoying the Silence! 🤗!!
@WendyHannan-pt7ez 4 ай бұрын
I’ve had the silent treatment for years, I became silent as well I never interacted with him during the silent treatment. I regret staying in a relationship like that, it’s not a healthy way to live. I’m a talker I like to engage with people, it was painful, but in the end we had nothing to talk about anyway. 🤷🏼♀️
@saimadnan3206 Ай бұрын
I m also facing narcassit husband ..... Help me out plz...he always control me ..... If not he hits me ..do silent treatment ... Avoiding love life with me..I have 2children ..what can I do
@macnchessplz Ай бұрын
Depending on the relationship?It could be difficult and soul killing.Bit really it’s a RESPITE! Enjoy the silence….
@susanne1756 29 күн бұрын
Best thing anyone can do if treated so badly and a lot, is to make a plan to leave, find a job in another town, borrow money if you need to, otherwise save up and hide it. Plan your exit when you have all of your ducks in a row. Don't tell Anyone..! If you have kids, don't tell them either until you're in the car and down the road.
@ladyv5655 28 күн бұрын
The silent treatment is a gift. I compare it to an addict going through detox. It might be painful for a while, but you will never regret it once it's all behind you and the narc is gone.
@MichaelTaylor-gt2ge 7 ай бұрын
Just coming up to my 3rd week of total and absolute silent treatment. No eye contact nothing. Treats me like I don't even exist! It's pitiful behaviour for someone who is a fully grown adult but yet can't face problems or situations in a normal adult fashion. Turning the home into a house of death. 3 weeks and counting of wasted life for them trying to prove a point or to get you to beg and plead with them. No, not this time, I've learnt... My god, anyone who goes through this mental cruelty needs a huge medal....
@charmedLiebling 7 ай бұрын
How do you cope? I just came out of one week of silent treatment (including two tirades of accusations when I asked if we could talk) and it’s been giving me complete anxiety to a point where I barely ate because of constant nausea. Honestly I should have just left and gone to a hotel but I have two old cats that I didn’t want to leave with him. Why are we doing this to ourselves?
@MichaelTaylor-gt2ge 7 ай бұрын
@@charmedLiebling I don't think it's a case of what we are doing to ourselves. It's first and foremost what they are doing to THEIRSELVES! We have to stand resolute when dealing with this cancerous and caustic behaviour. Pay attention to the experts so you are better equipped to deal in the best way possible that doesn't feed these people. Immerse yourself with interests and keep in touch with good friends who genuinely care about YOU! and lastly, think before you say anything.
@MichaelTaylor-gt2ge 7 ай бұрын
@@kazsmudge5559 thanks for the heads up with this. Now 38 days today, it's very toxic plus the stonewalling too where they try to shut you down from tackling issues. It's unbelievable how far some people will go with all this, and when some poor soul somewhere in the world has been given a terminal diagnosis and want a little extra time to live. It's all so sad and unnecessary.
@sac-5350 5 ай бұрын
Book: the language of LETTING GO by Melody Beatty
@robinantonio8870 3 ай бұрын
He is an overgrown toddler. Pathetic.
@polyforge3d 2 ай бұрын
Sharing how much it hurts you can actually backfire. They might accuse you of being self-centered, point out that you were silent yourself, and claim they were just busy. In the end, you might end up appearing needy, selfish, and guilty, while they gain power and respect you even less.
@frankymorris174 Жыл бұрын
I used to sit through the silent treatment often . Huge arguments always end in the silent treatment and refusing to discuss what triggered my emotions . Only ever willing to discuss how I reacted ...how do I react now , I don't .I've stopped giving my time and energy to people who don't respect what I give
@gallacaecilia8009 Ай бұрын
Very sad to learn that Dr. Rhoberta Shaler passed away on 3rd April 2024 🥺 I just discovered her powerful podcast here and visited the website to dive into additional material mentioned by her... 💔 She has created a resourceful deep archive during her life, I am glad a lot is recorded. According to a statement on her website, the family will continue to publish material that had not yet been shared from her archive. And she's left a message for us, too, before she passed peacefully. May the earth be light on her 🕊️
@didirobert3657 Ай бұрын
Oh no! 😥 I didn’t realize!!
@April-tn7zz Ай бұрын
Oh no, just started listening, I pray for her family’s strength
@LilBafta Ай бұрын
She was a very empathetic human. I hope she didn't suffer and that her family find comfort in our deep appreciation for her work!! ❤
@hairsensationbyfiona4098 18 күн бұрын
Thank you for sharing this ❤
@janeyd5280 18 күн бұрын
What happened Dr rhoberta
@RS-ov2st 4 ай бұрын
Never grovel with these people. It doesn’t matter what you say, because to them, your mere response is a win for them. Leave, go to a friends house,shelter, the gym, anywhere. Just leave, then from that day , prepare for your own life out on your own, because this behavior NEVER WILL CHANGE. UNLESS YOU ENJOY ABUSE, THEN BY ALL MEANS STAY. YOU WILL GET MORE….THEY WILL ALWAYS HURT YOU. THAT MY FRIEND, IS A GUARANTEE…..BECAUSE THIS IS HOW THEY DEAL…..
@christinehozz77 Ай бұрын
I was raised in a home with parents who both used the silent treatment exclusively when they had conflicts. I never heard any yelling, only deafening silence that sometimes lasted 3 or 4 days. I was a teenager and it was miserable. I spent as much time as possible at my friend's houses. As much as I hated it, I did the exact same thing as an adult when I had conflicts with my husband, family, and friends. I am 62 and still struggle to communicate in a healthy way.
@alansonchurch3000 26 күн бұрын
Verysad
@monicahocking1507 24 күн бұрын
Yes that is very sad.
@pianolearner7 9 күн бұрын
I'm exactly the same. I grew up in a dysfunctional family with a covert narcissist mother. I'm now 72 and find I cannot communicate with my partner if we have words about something. He's the same (maybe because he was abandoned by his father as a child). It ends up with none of us speaking until the silence is eventually broken after hours/days...then angry words are exchanged before we make up. So who's fault is it? We're giving each other the silent treatment! I don't think we're trying to have power over the other it's just we go into shutdown mentally and physically and can't speak. We have managed to talk about it and now we have agreed to just say sorry and give each other a hug next time. I hope it works because this wall of silence is horrid.
@sherrypalmer6276 11 ай бұрын
I just was dating someone that seem to good to be true. I was love bomb until I found out the real truth about him. I told him it's over. I told him not to talk to me. Bc I know that he would try to talk me out of breaking up. It's been 6 days no count. I'm healing and blessed that I stood up for myself.
@deeholmes9743 8 ай бұрын
They are in charge until they are NOT. Thank you for this enlightening video.
@debbiepeterson6829 22 күн бұрын
Worse than the smirk is when they get in your face and you just see a twinkle of joy because they are enjoying themselves.
@SarahGerl1 2 жыл бұрын
😢 I have been enduring this silent treatment both in person and over text. It has been so corrosive on my soul. Grateful for these videos to remind me not to take this abuse on board. He has used this silent treatment for coercive control and punishment.
@SarahGerl1 2 жыл бұрын
btw I've made every one of these mistakes in the past except threatening to leave and it has just made things worse
@Edelwiess1066 11 ай бұрын
Leave. Change your life.
@skkkoury6156 11 ай бұрын
I got the silent treatment to punish and hurt me.
@HealingsHeartsHypno 8 ай бұрын
My Daughter hasn't spoken to me for 16 months and blocked me. No thank yous for the Xmas presents I sent last year. Last year my beloved cat and all 4 of her babies died within 8 days. Two months later the 7 kittens I fostered died. It was due to feline parvo. I would not have fostered them but the emergency vet I took my cat and kittens to said they were negative. That was a lie. Then I witnessed a murder. My Daughter said she has her own issues and cannot speak to anyone with a lot of drama/sadness in their life. Recently she told my other daughter who told me that now she isn't speaking to me because she recalled a repressed memory during counseling where she was molested at 9 or 10 years old by someone I left her with. This is confusing because I was careful who I left them with. I'm not saying it didn't happen, but she has told lies before about me when blaming me for her cheating on my Granddaughters dad. It hurts I cant see my Grandbabies either.
@ricardocamara1602 6 ай бұрын
I hate the ghosting treatment it’s so childish
@vernabryant2894 3 жыл бұрын
Yes it is very abusive.The silent treatment.
@reesedaniel5835 3 жыл бұрын
Ambient abuse.
@ForRelationshipHelp 3 жыл бұрын
Yes, it is ambient abuse!
@Cellia836 Ай бұрын
I give people back the same energy that they give to me. If they don't call me, I don't call you, you don't text me, I don't text you either. You don't email me and I don't email you either. If you don't want to make plans to see me, well I don't want to see you either. I treat the silent treatment like a free vacation that I didn't have to pay for at all. I just go about my business and living my own life. Whether they are in or not in it.
@LilBafta Ай бұрын
You sound like you have a secure attachment style (blessed!! 😭♥️). Those of us with anxious attachment styles find this a lot more difficult unfortunately.
@luciatheron1621 24 күн бұрын
Who gives attention first?
@andrewrees8749 22 күн бұрын
But someone has to make the first move ...
@elizabethmahoney7344 19 күн бұрын
@@LilBaftaAbsolutely!!!
@idacampbell1129 17 күн бұрын
Sounds like narcissist. Also your behavior.
@reesedaniel5835 3 жыл бұрын
It's called "blanking you".....a strong form of invalidating you as a person. A way of saying YOU DON'T MATTER without actually saying it. And then when you call them out on it they will accuse you of being "clingy" or "too sensitive" or "reading into things", etc, etc. I always just BLANK them right back. The last time one did that to me as soon as I figured out the little game it was playing, I gave it the silent treatment right back. This went on for about a week and it decided to "test the water" by sending me a generic text about the weather or some BS mainstream "news" propaganda just to see if I would bite. I continued to ignore it, and didn't respond and the narc started calling repeatedly the next day. These creatures are so pathetic.
@ForRelationshipHelp 3 жыл бұрын
You're right! Frustrating, infuriating, invasive, pathetic.....and, so much more.
@Ilovejesus96 Жыл бұрын
What about when they turn it around on you and say that you are the one not talking to them? And then when you do talk to them it’s passive aggressive comments, cold shoulder or short worded statements. I have drive myself crazy trying to figure out if it’s me or them , & why does this feel like such a sick twisted game :/ I want off this ride.
@skkkoury6156 Жыл бұрын
So true right on point. You don't matter...
@paulahard1200 11 ай бұрын
Tusha😂my husbands says those exact words or says this your always going back over the same things over and over..all you want is a pitty party n I'm not joining in..I answered by saying Actually this is completely new what I'm bringing up here there no way to keep bringing this up its the very first time I'm brought it up..My husband takes my things n says I don't know where this or that went.n hopefully I find it..then he says how did that get there..especially when he misplaced something..gotta go..GODblz Bsav LivnluvinCHRIST p.h.
@sherriflemming3218 9 ай бұрын
How To Spot An Abuser On The First Date-Dr Sam Vaknin podcast The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Safe People by Henry Cloud
@hortensiacarle5679 Ай бұрын
I have had the silent treatment from my daughter for several years. She lives with me with her 2 sons . I have been there for them in every way possible to help my daughter get on her feet. We had a good relationship before her divorce. This causes a lot of stress.
@MichNative01 3 ай бұрын
Its been 2 days since he talked to me, i told him to continue this silence until after easter, so i can have a nice holiday!! Lol!!!😅😅😅😅😅
@angelia9298 2 ай бұрын
Did he honor the request and continue the silence? What happened?
@SaystheTruth3 Ай бұрын
Or why not leave him?
@themoontoonshines923 Ай бұрын
It very much sounds like like you are dealing with a narcissist, run!
@linnie14 5 күн бұрын
Bahaha. Good one!
@jasminedonalds5398 Ай бұрын
I get used to the silent treatment from my ex it's the same silent treatment help me get over him he do it so much until I detached from him , thank you lord it was a blessing for me.
@LilCaseyCupcake 11 ай бұрын
My “boyfriend” has been giving me the silent treatment for 3 days now. He always makes me feel like I’m too much to handle and that’s why he ignores me. But you’re SO right. None of this treatment is okay 😢
@Angela-ph1ik 10 ай бұрын
My waited 8 months then came back lol
@rondadepenbusch8152 9 ай бұрын
He’s not going to change, it’s part of their control or maybe he’s checked out . Power trip. You don’t know what mood or phase he’s in ??? He needs help but that don’t happen. Get your escape in order & get out of there asap
@TheVaultwest 8 ай бұрын
It’s not okay, not at all
@peaceofmindofpeace1650 6 ай бұрын
I dated a guy for 4 months who who would go quiet for 3 pr 4 days in between our dates. At some point K cried in the shower hyperventilating feeling pain and confusing. Bc it was early dare stage i also thought I can't expect much but we kissed and hugged etc so it made me feel disrespected I eventually told him we are not compatible. He seemed polite and we had good moments but I also felt rejection vibes and cold distant tone in texting. He said he was emptionally unavailable. His last text "allright....next week I'm travelling but after that we can talk". I replied to nicely: sure no pressure. This was 7 weeks ago. Never heard of him again. In the beginning I also ecoressed confusion and he responded with empathy he even said " it has to work for both let's talk,can I give you a call? I was happy and surprised bc i was not used to a decent man. It turned out to be another heartbreak and much selfdoubtm
@tracidurham 6 ай бұрын
Run!!!!!!!!!
@clint120 6 ай бұрын
if it’s your spouse, that does this frequently. Try to get away, separate you don’t need toxic connections like this by marriage or friendships.
@mikecoleman9228 2 жыл бұрын
Dr. Rhoberta, you are helping me so much. My mother gave me silent treatment my whole life. I’m now 59 and she still does. I have gone no contact due to anxiety and rumination it creates. I ruminate the situation over and over. My sister is her golden child. So it’s 2 against 1. No contact however painful is only way for my sanity. As a little girl I begged and cried for her to talk to me. No more. JC
@ForRelationshipHelp 2 жыл бұрын
I'm glad the videos are helping...and, that you have found it possible to go No Contact. Anything less is a losing battle in the case you describe. If you want more support, you might like to join my Emerging Empowered Community, completely off social media: JoinInToday.com
@spedteacher2773 Жыл бұрын
😔
@mmorgan7918 11 ай бұрын
Im nearly your age and relate 100% to begging to be talked to. It was more than just an instance of a "silent treatment episode" it was SILENT TREATMENT my entire life. I struggle to be seen, heard and valued. I was just completely overlooked.
@mjremy2605 6 ай бұрын
So sorry to hear you went through this as a little child. That is so damaging. Fortunately, I had a responsive mother and father too. But my son does this to me, a learned habit from his Narc father. It is very painful. It is much worse if it is your parent and you are a child. ❣
@Aintnohollabackgirl 6 ай бұрын
😮 it’s the worst especially when your mom picks her favorites. My mom lives with me and plays this. So awful feeling but I’m your age and it literally makes me say anything just so she talks (I have a very sharp tongue) funny how she hears that part.
@zubieM Ай бұрын
My boyfriend is doing this after a year of a wonderful relationship. We just signed a lease for one year and move in a few months. I don’t want this relationship anymore. The silent treatment is my deal breaker! He has fully switched. Covert narc for sure!
@susanne1756 29 күн бұрын
RUN...FAR AWAY AND NEVER LOOK BACK...! Find True happiness somewhere else ❤
@KP-mb9jx 26 күн бұрын
Wow! He managed to keep the mask on for a whole year? Umm, now you've signed the lease he's finally dropped the mask, and you're seeing him as he really is. If he's like this now, imagine what h'e going to be like in a year's time. Take it from me, it doesn't get better. This is only the beginning of a very painful journey, so would be well advised to bail out now, and save yourself a lot if misery.
@sandranovakovich688 26 күн бұрын
Don't walk, run. Don't announce it, just do it. It will get worse with time.
@shellyvaughn7805 21 күн бұрын
Please RUN!!! I’m going through that now!! Great, loving(love bombing) 2 years. Got married in April 2024, moved in his house, 3 days later complete silent treatment as if I didn’t even exist. 10 days of marriage I made a comment on his snoring and he filed for divorce (10 days later) I got rid of everything I owned & had to get a attorney to fight for some money to get out!!! Please don’t move in🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
@GurpreetDhariwal 8 ай бұрын
My narcissistic ex best friend gave me silent treatments and one day I saw he called me up after a gap of a month. I didn't pick his call in the first attempt.. I saw he called me consistently for the fifth time to know if I was available for him at all or not. By then I knew he was a psychopath and a toxic man. He took advantage of my emotions because I am an empath. He still stalks me even after getting married and becoming a father. He married someone of his own character. She is still cheating on him. I am glad that he showed me his true colours by giving me a gift of suicidal thoughts and educating me about the concept of narcissism. Without his cruelty and abuse I wouldn't have become someone to help others. So yeah when they give you silent treatment, block them silently and never look back. This is exactly what I did.
@nicolehayes6020 2 ай бұрын
Hi I’m definitely taking advantage of the silent treatment. It’s wonderful! Now it’s my time to make my own life first and start making the list of boundaries that will be put in place from here on out until the day I execute my exit plan and never look back ❤❤❤
@alfonzo7822 Ай бұрын
I'm only now realising, the guilt I feel and the need to fawn to her is because she brought me up with that. I was so hungry for her love, when I got the silent treatment I'd apologise and beg and clean and do everything she wanted just to gain her love. But I never got it. And it's taken me 43 years to work her out 🙄.
@ShadowKing1993 17 күн бұрын
Block them out of your life. Thats how you free yourself and give the narcissist a taste of their own medicine
@QueenAlexis556 17 күн бұрын
🎯
@elizabethash4720 9 ай бұрын
They are silent because we dont want the part they cast for us in their stage play. So essentially, we have to leave and find the job we want. Find our own community. I believe its Gods will for us to walk in faith and follow him. 🙏✝️
@patriciacollins3358 7 ай бұрын
I have a sister that would go for a week without talking to anyone if she did not get her way,my parents always did what she wanted,my whole family were narcissistic,I went from being abused by female family members to being mentally abused by parents,if it had not been for the Lord,I would not have survived,I was very abused as a child,I have to call myself a survivor
@p4vll 8 ай бұрын
Shame they cant give the silent treatment to the voices in there own head. Because its there own voices that are hurting them really......but they project YOUR face onto there internal voice and punish you 😥
@HisBeloved50 3 ай бұрын
This is a merciful and kind way of thinking of this difficulty its the high road. God bless you
@worldbestalways 6 ай бұрын
I left my husband after again giving me this treatment. He is so surprised and says it is unbelievable anyone would divorce for that. So ridiculous. Sorry but I don't want a hate relationship in my life. Still he doesn't get it. And probably never will. Oh well..
@themoontoonshines923 Ай бұрын
He is just playing victim now. I applaud you! It took me too long to leave mine behind.
@sandranovakovich688 26 күн бұрын
He is his own worst enemy. Run.
@StealthFlightFPV 2 жыл бұрын
When our Hijackal neighbors gave us the silent treatment, we threw a party!
@mistique740 Жыл бұрын
😂
@angelicangelique5255 Жыл бұрын
😂😂😂😂
@ktcee803 10 ай бұрын
I had terrible narc neighbours. They demanded we do stuff they wanted. Frequently. Made our lives miserable. Until we decided enough was enough. We built a huge fence, grew huge hedges and blocked them from our view and never answer calls and texts. We turn away if we see them coming and if they look in our direction, we look the other way. The peace has been fantastic.
@veronican5708 9 ай бұрын
Hi Dr. Shaler. I appreciate your videos so much. In MY CASE, the silent started little by little, at the begining he stoped talking to me for a few hours, then for a couple of days, then the days became weeks, and at the end he could stop talking to me for MONTHS only very short demands. I noticed that opposite of what your suggestion is, about sharing to him what his silent mean to me , every time I did that I just empowered him MORE, it was pleasent for him. It is VERY VERY difficult for people who suffer this kind of abuse to leave when there is children in the midle, some times we realize it is NOT OK at all but the FEAR of what would happen keeps the door close to get out. Thank you for your information.
@amandamcauley 7 ай бұрын
I completely understand.
@denisevalley9021 3 ай бұрын
They just don't want to take responsibility for their lies and deception!! Diffently receiving punishment for his behaviors!
@candacekesting1786 8 ай бұрын
My children are with holding themselves and my grandchildren. I didn't want the vaccine but want them to do whatever they want. It has been three years and my heart is breaking.
@kathyschreiber9947 7 ай бұрын
Darling this isn't the silent treatment. They told you what you need to do to see your family, you just refuse to do it.
@candacekesting1786 7 ай бұрын
@@kathyschreiber9947 If that answer weren't so sad it would be funny
@niamhosullivan1291 7 ай бұрын
If they stuck a vaccine in your grandchildren, they are subhuman
@j.r.4354 6 ай бұрын
Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry that your medical decisions for your own body is the reason for estrangement. And incredibly sad that someone would comment, not to see your situation, but to shame you further... as if you've chosen something terrible instead of what was healthy for you (new studies daily stating this choice was very healthy in many ways). Just know that this goes deeper than a health choice. It's always about power and control. A loving person may take space to deal with their fear or disappointment, but it can be done kindly with respect
@sac-5350 5 ай бұрын
Yep! The truth is coming out bout them vaccines... Join a girlfriend's club ❤ YaY
@Keepingitreallyreal 18 күн бұрын
My narcissistic mom ghosted me two years ago and I have been celebrating every single of the peace and serenity that her absence has brought to my life! ❤❤❤❤
@tanickasinclair7035 2 жыл бұрын
This is Jennifer Sinclair. This therapist must have built this podcast directly after meeting my mother. Every word was 100% my mom. Scary. I have to listen to this podcast multiple times. I can't believe she knows my mother without ever having met my mother.
@El-bz1tq 10 ай бұрын
If one starts questioning if it is intentional or not then you are in it for the long haul.
@amandakropen3273 2 жыл бұрын
I got 25 years of silent treatment from my mother because I refused to go to Christmas Eve and tell relatives that I was workng when I was not. Guess there is shame to her if I'm not working.I was on the couch in pain that was diagnosed AFTER the New Year. IT was ANOTHER autoimmune issue. These people will destroy your health. Glad she is dead now. BTW, she disowned me because I was in NC when she died. I was her only child.
@maxwell-cole Жыл бұрын
Power. Winning. Domination. That is the tagline for these Hijackals! Love that you make this a term! This was extremely informative.
@framestomind7548 Жыл бұрын
some people say they can never know they hurt you due to lack of empathy .. I do not see that,, I see they are highly skilled in knowing exactly what hurt you in person, like in my case, I cannot walk and in extreme physical pain and in need of help.. so now my sister and father refuse to talk with me and not help me at all to hurt me the most.. they are 100% aware of how isolating me in a one room apartment with no ability to get out and no money to survive and no friends in this city just waiting to die .. they know 100% this is how they can hurt me.. they are consciously abusive ! they know what silence does
@tammyfitzgerald5336 Жыл бұрын
😮🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙌🙌💜💜
@debrabrookham6670 Жыл бұрын
I believe in Jesus and God and believe that we will at some point answer for how we treated others. I have a situation with my son in law. Did everything to help when he was in a legal situation. If he doesn't get his way, he pouts with the silent treatment. My grandchildren lived with me most of their lives and now I rarely see them. Best way to hurt me. My faith is the only thing that keeps me going. Best wishes to you.
@sac-5350 5 ай бұрын
Keep reaching out. You are worth it ❤
@framestomind7548 5 ай бұрын
my sister is doing this same thing to me and also to my nephew's father... she lies to everyone about me, saying, he got no problems, just spoiled by our mother, this is to make sure no one notices that she is sick in her head of evilness and lack or normal empathy, because if other people would believe me and understand how handicapped I got after the surgeon cut my whole hip up incorrectly so I have not been able to walk and get outside for now soon two years, then everyone would see how horrible a person my sister really is. so she must lie to everyone we know about me so they think I am just a person who sits and complain over small petty things while I am a real severe injury... this is how these sociopaths work... she began cheating her son's father in 2018 in hotel bars and made videos with strangers and when her now ex discovered this she had found a neighbour in her area with more money when her son's father and moved into him and left the father of her son and so began to lie and brainwash her 8-year-old son to hate his father so now the son does not care to see me or his own father at all and think his mother is a queen, while in reality, she does not care at all about her son, she only cares what her neighbourhood and friends believe about her person.. she is the evilest person I have seen in years. The father is totally devastated and his son refuses to stay with him. The son said he forgot about me as his mother never talks about me and when he asks about me she says all your uncle says are all lies, never listen to him... she is totally manipulative and went to the school and lied about his father as well so they think he is not allowed to pick up his own son. I reported her to social services as she did crazy things driving in traffic like a maniac last Summer with her son and screaming to the son while she was driving right over the lawn in high speed like a drunk person, but she was just full of anger because the son asked me, why my father cannot be with me anymore and began to cry, and I tried to help the son understand what separation is in a pedagogic way he could handle as no one cared at all for him crying while my sister threat his father saying she work for the police (she is just a civil worker for recruitment for civilians in the police, but pretend to her son she is like a cop t impress him, but she is not, she does not even go to work but do all onn zoom calls talking shit about her colleges and fire them wildly) so she will call them and then he is finished if he does not let her do whatever she want,, she was also in the car another day before this, screaming to her son that she would throw him out in the farmer's fields or smash his head in the seat unless he shut up crying about his father being left at home... the social services bought her lies instantly as she knows how to charm people to love her in groups, so now the social service is her "friend" and hates me and his father who only try to make things right again... - is totally crazy how sociopathic narcissists manage to lure everyone else outside the inner circle to believe they are either the victim or the grandiose queen of the house everyone has to admire and submit to or else.... thanks for commenting, I need to ventilate a lot I feel. hope you are ok with reading so much. did not plan this, but as I began to reply to you who has also seen these kinds of people, I felt I share my story back to you. Wish you a good day! We need to leave these people behind, but is hard to abandon kids that end up in the middle of their lies... @@debrabrookham6670
@framestomind7548 5 ай бұрын
thanks, the more one reaches out the more one sees how common sociopathic narcissists are around us.... Is scary how common it is! @@sac-5350
@rebeccacory7945 Ай бұрын
OMG, that “talking” hand gesture!! 😂 My knucklehead just did that to me yesterday! I called him out and said “that mocking hand gesture is proof of the problem. You don’t care about my thoughts and feelings, you only care about your OWN. When there’s room for someone besides you in this relationship, I’ll be happy to continue the discussion.” I actually LIKE it when he stops talking to me; I don’t like the anxiety of the tension, but I LOVE not needing to be there at his beck & call & not having to solve every problem!! I’m happy right now, I am FREE to take care of ME!! 🥰🎉❤️
@cynthiakleist9513 8 ай бұрын
how to respond to silent treatment --- DON'T. Move on and ditch that person for good. They won't change. I know my mom has been doing this for 80 something years. I don't respond to her and eventually she gives up.
@elizabethmahoney7344 19 күн бұрын
I have an inside circle and an outside circle. If you are moved to the outside circle, you don’t get back in. You can be on the cusp, but when you’re out, you’re out. It works for me. 😬
@jolynn2271 22 күн бұрын
Well when you lead a busy life, it's not always easy to recognize this, nut I'm glad you are bringing this to everyone's situation. I never thought of it that way. I've always thought people just need there own space sometimes. Thx for bringing this to my awareness.😂❤
@DJH97 Жыл бұрын
Been through this so many times with my parents. Anywhere from 2 weeks to 3 years they would just ignore me and act like I didn’t exist. I asked them one time if they want a relationship with me? No answer. Was told my mother said she didn’t care about me and just a few weeks ago my father told me to my face that they don’t care about me. Never hear from them. This has been all my life and I’m 62. I’m done. You cannot make people care about you. Told them more than once that I wasn’t kissing their butts to just have a relationship. They don’t treat my sisters like this. Oh no. They are golden children. I wasn’t the boy they wanted when they tried one more time after two girls. They told my oldest son they didn’t want to be around me. Over and over again this has happened and why? Because I catch them in lies or backstabbing or deceitful behavior and ask them why. That’s it. That’s what happened for most of the times. One time it was because I decided to further my education. Mother didn’t talk to me the whole time I was in school. Then father would try to make me go to their house and “hug her”. That worked when I was young but at 50 years old I wouldn’t do it any longer.
@DJH97 Жыл бұрын
@@lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285 Narcissists will value anyone else over their closest family members. Had it with parents and ex spouse. My ex husband valued his family and neighbors over me every time. My parents did the same thing and still do. Not sure why. I think it’s because they feel that close family HAS to put up with everything and anything but others won’t??. I’ve moved on from all of them.
@TheRealFirecracker16 7 ай бұрын
It’s so hard for me to imagine doing this to my daughter… I guess that is because I am the one getting the silent treatment from HER…. I’ve only ever wanted her to find a happy and fulfilling life… yet it seems she makes one life mistake after another… I always felt she needed to make her own choices and learn to live with those choices… and find ways to make the best of things… I’ve always told her how much I love her and all I ever wished for her was to find happiness! I have never intruded into her life or tried telling her what to do but instead let her know those were HER choices to make. At times, in the past, she has asked my opinion on things and it seems, because I always told the truth on how I saw a situation, it was always different than how she saw it… It seems she was always upset with me for never backing her up, but at the same time, how can I lie and say she was in the right , in some situation with another person, if I believed she wasn’t being fair with that other person…. She has often been upset with me for NEVER agreeing with her… ( but of course that was an exaggeration, as there WERE a few times I DID agree) So many times SHE has given ME the silent treatment, as she is doing right now since around the first of September… and it just kills me because all I’ve wanted was to give her love and be shown love in return. Once she got mad at me for something and texted me, “I’ll deal with YOU, later!” Other times she has gotten mad and blocked me from her FB account… Yet, it has always been that she comes back around whenever she needed something from me. One time her and her youngest were staying with my husband and I ( not her father) in a home simply too small and too full of “stuff” to have enough room for 4 people…. We were barely surviving paycheck to paycheck, still I got a few items as gifts for each of them… just to say, “ you are in my thoughts and I care about you”…. There was a blow up where she got VERY mad at us and moved out, making sure to LEAVE BEHIND each and every one of the items I had bought and given them… It was a deliberate action MEANT to HURT… I simply can’t understand someone I want to be so close to purposefully being so cruel. Again, it breaks my heart and now I learn how narcissistic these behaviors are and that she feels such a need to have power over me… and then even had the nerve to call ME a narcissist! I was shock, until I realized that was a very normal thing for a narcissist to do. At some point, I know I must realize how this is so destructive to my health and I need to put an end to it. I just wanted her to have a good and happy life… but I wished I could be a small part of it… As a child, she was ALWAYS the one to want to be in the spotlight and loved to “pose” for pictures… but I LOVED photography and was completely willing to accept her being like that!! She was my only daughter. It’s been a hard struggle being her Mom, ever since she became an adult and maybe some of that relates to not having ANY picture of what that looks like. My father was killed when I was 4, I never had a good relationship with my stepdad, and them my Mom was killed in a car accident when I was 19… I never had a “Mom” to deal with as an adult…This is like unscripted territory without a mentor. My daughter is 44. She seems to have lots of ‘drama’ in her life and with me at 67, all I really want is peace. I just wish I didn’t have to give up a friendship with her, in order to have it. 😢
@lindarissell2579 7 ай бұрын
We are the same age and I have a daughter 2 years older than yours who was an only child until age 10. I have been suffering since she was 18 and began taking off to various points unknown and not contacting me for extended periods of time. I have been focused on finding her, getting messages to her, trying to understand her and have a relationship with her all these many years. Sometimes she comes back in relationship for a while, but never to work on or address any issues, as I feel we need to. Or as I feel she needs to, independently, as well. I do make a lot of suggestions for therapy and self reflection to her, as that helps me greatly. In finding this website two days ago during a new period of discard and stonewalling...(maybe? probably?)...I wonder if she does this to be manipulative. I have never dared to entertain that thought. Here we go again (so it seems)... Just before a planned trip together to visit family for Thanksgiving she has changed her living situation, has no phone number and is not contacting me about anything, even to confirm plans for the tickets I bought for her.
@Iam...--- 18 күн бұрын
The silent treatment is so painful, but the best gift i ever got. They think they're in control, but for the first time in my life....I am free. I have autonomy. I have self. I am
@sethwilkerson4111 Жыл бұрын
I’m getting the silent treatment because I communicated my non-negotiable boundaries while co-parenting. I’m in a situation of 50/50 joint custody with a person with BPD. Haha how dare I give myself peace right? Boundaries that were very reasonable so now she is “giving me what I want” while being totally fine with how it’s affecting our child.
@tracidurham 6 ай бұрын
I'm trying to reach my kids tools to deal w their dad and that the silent treatment is not their fault.
@exoduszusag8995 2 күн бұрын
This is my Daughter to a T. Sadly the only reason I apologize for her faulty and untrue accusations towards both myself and her father is because we want to see our Grandson. She uses him as a weapon
@RednailVal 4 ай бұрын
I have my narc brother figured out now. I’m currently going grey rock, he’s doing the silent treatment currently. It’s great! Only a few more weeks then I’m able to go fully no contact. Silent treatment is fine now that I fully understand that he’s ate up with narcissistic personality disorder. Update 3/9/24 As I was moving out he went into a psychotic rage, decided that I had stolen his forks and a picture out of the kitchen, then stuffed me on some utility bills, and I’m missing a few boxes. I ignored all of this and decided that was a fair price to pay to get him out of my life.
@lesleehackney4621 17 күн бұрын
My mom is a narcissistic. My home life ,growing up, taught me this is loving and normal behavior. It has taken decades to heal and set healthy boundaries. Thank God I made it thru.
@anaarmas8323 6 ай бұрын
My covert Narcissist is giving me the Slient Treatment for 5 days of agony and pain 😢I don’t wish this on Anyone I been losing weight and Appetite it’s a living nightmare 😢
@sac-5350 5 ай бұрын
Hmm...We ain't handing over the reins of our lives to anyone else, right? It's all about honoring yourself! When we step into relationships, we bring our own self-relationship along. So, ask yourself: are you ditching your own awesomeness? "♡ grant me the serenity to accept the people I can't change., The courage to change the one I can, And the wisdome to know that one is me :) Amen ♡"
@susanne1756 29 күн бұрын
Dump him...! Find happiness somewhere else ❤
@NotJessH 6 ай бұрын
My husband and I made clear that we were not attending his parents Christmas Day gathering because we were visiting my cancer patient mother who very likely won’t be here next Christmas. Also, this is the first holiday we haven’t spent with them unless they make other plans that don’t include us. We all gathered at my husband’s uncle’s house Christmas Eve like always so we brought his parents and brothers gifts which they refused to take home because they didn’t bring our kid’s gifts. Who cares? Take your gifts. My FIL called my husband Christmas Day around noon to say that I constantly withhold his grandchildren and that I’m the devil. Nothing is further from the truth. His parents are liars and have spent the past decade trying to convince the family that I’m a bad person, it hasn’t worked but they won’t stop. I’m done. If nothing is good enough, than nothing is what they get. I’m not allowing that toxic crap around my kids anymore.
@msmacmac1000 Жыл бұрын
Wow. I just found you. MY LIFE. I am out, finally, but my adult daughters have fallen into the hijackal’s trap. ❤️🙏🏼
@tinam2696 8 ай бұрын
I have just started investigating this for about a month. NO ONE has explained this as well as you ESPECIALLY what TO DO or NOT TO DO. Thqnk you.
@patriciahilburn3303 Ай бұрын
I so want to send them this video and tell them this is them.
@QueenAlexis556 17 күн бұрын
Wouldn't do any good. They won't listen and will likely laugh at you. I've blocked everyone of them, family, ex boyfriends, coworkers, etc
@murraybevan1721 14 күн бұрын
My older brother, my favorite brother has been ignoring me for years. He told me when I was a kid that he wasn’t going to worry about me when I grew up and that he was just going to worry about his parents, our parents. I have been writing to him for years, becoming increasingly frustrated and angry by his non replying; the last time I wrote as soon as I posted the letter I fell into one of the worst depressions I have ever had, lasting a week. The sort of depression one gets when one betrays oneself, so your idea that we should just leave them alone rings very true. Recently, I have come to the realization that he is a vulnerable narcissist, best left alone, as you advise. I am banking on the idea that as these blighters grow old the problem within them becomes resolved. There is no need for me to worry about him, because if he feels depressed, overworked, and confused about life then he can hire a life coach and stop being so durn tied up in himself.
@riverakua2315 7 ай бұрын
Thank you for confirming and validating my conclusions.
@TheMrTopman 20 күн бұрын
As a thriver, let me say I do look back and laugh about the silent treatment and all the other toxic traits that I was once victim to.
@donnafloyd3564 9 ай бұрын
Thank you for your sweet sweet spirit.
@laurarobertson7259 Ай бұрын
Save your breathe they are not going to change!!!!!!
@cleaningtim Ай бұрын
Hello Dr. Rhoberta Shaler! You were spot on in everything you said and helped me so much in hearing this. You reaffirmed my thoughts about things that I have been dealing with for 40 plus years from a sibling. I have now after so many decades said enough is enough. I am not willing to take the abuse anymore. It has come to a head. I want to thank you for your information and look forward to your other videos and will become a subscriber to your site. Thank you so much for your help and advice! Have a Great Day!
@gailbury1173 Ай бұрын
Grew up with a father who could stay silent for months on end ... literally. And then a sibling who learned the behavior well. It's been nearly five years since contact. I'm still healing and likely will for the rest of my life but at least I am not dangling by end of a narc's little string. There's freedom in that and a chance to heal.
@bwgkwg 12 күн бұрын
Thank you so, so, so very much. My parents were both narcs. Now my brother and sister are that also. I am the only empath in my family. It’s been the silent treatment nii out a for almost 7 years!
@sandyprinter 17 күн бұрын
What an amazing find. Thank you! I was like you have been sitting on my shoulder seeing everything that has gone on. Narcissists are monsters. I've been told - to not expect him to change. Thank you for reconfirming all the counseling I have had for the Silent treatment.
@mariannejane1448 4 ай бұрын
I am so glad I came across this channel. I am currently living with my son and his partner and his partners mother and sister. The mother plays these mind games and ignores me when it suits her and is extra nice when she wants me to do something for her.The daughter is similar. This time around, I am done. So I am treating them like they don't exist & they hate it. But this time I won't be used by them again, I am done. I am hoping I will be able to find my own place soon so I can move out.
@786GG 17 күн бұрын
im silent a lot because i do not have to physically talk to reply back to my jinns. I can use my conscience to communicate with them. If i want to communicate with them out loud, i can. Its my choice.
@ladyvirgo9514 3 ай бұрын
Omg i experienced this,i had no idea what was happening when my husband of 12 years went silent with me. He would come home from work and act as if i didn't exist, later i realized he had been grooming his coworker. He brutally discarded me later & immediately moved into her house after 12 years. He did many mean & malicious things on his way out including sending me nasty text like he Faked loving me for all those years. The divorce process has been long,dragged out and very costly on all levels
@julietteluus510 Ай бұрын
.....so sad!
@ladyvirgo9514 Ай бұрын
@julietteluus510 truly it is but at least I'm healing . He will never change for the better
@peacefulpoate5613 21 күн бұрын
❤ Heavenly Prayers of Peace and Thanks. Rest well knowing you helped so many.
@Phyrexiavs 11 ай бұрын
From my very own husband, for weeks at a time for 2 years, then he ghosted me, closed our bank account, and told people and my grown kids that it was all my fault.
@joanbaczek2575 15 күн бұрын
It took me years not the beg cry and yell when being served silent treatment. He’d lock me out of my bedroom for weeks he’d only leave the room to use the bathroom or to eat the food I bought. I had to sleep on the floor I couldn’t afford a couch. If I entered that room while he was out of it I got hit. If I left the apartment during silent treatment he would jury the doors so I can’t get back in. Talk about being abandoned and held captive at the same time!!!!
@Positively46 10 күн бұрын
Thank you Dr. Shaler.
@nancycuellar7299 18 күн бұрын
Thanks for sharing your experience with us. "Good bless you "!❤
@bambiforte Жыл бұрын
Very helpful. Thank you ‼️
@danafoltin8114 7 ай бұрын
Thank you, Thank you , Thank you.
@user-rc4lh3jf2o 29 күн бұрын
I'm so grateful that I found you.I said I don't know how to respond to.I'm on the verge
@Hegivesbeautyforashes-ll7yt Ай бұрын
Why do they get upset when you’re the one giving them a dose of their own medicine? He gave me the silent treatment for years on and off, and now that I don’t want to talk because I am just tired of begging to be heard.
@user-bi5mq4yy6r Ай бұрын
Thank you!! Very helpful !!
@Spiralclarity Ай бұрын
I have had silent treatment for four years now!! Im enjoying it!!!
@pamulawallace4330 Жыл бұрын
Thanks for the video 🥰😢
@charlizechultz4901 25 күн бұрын
HOW ABOUT WHEN A NARCISSIST MOTHER DOES THIS TO HER CHILD? (The child can't leave. How it affects the child as a now-adult.😢)
@vernabryant2894 3 жыл бұрын
I got the silent treatment for 9 years.Then he started taking depression medicine.Then they stopped most of it.It was about power and punishment.It was horrible.Now 12 years later I would never live like that again.Im a lot of a stronger person now.Yes a person is very alone.No one believes they are like that.
@ForRelationshipHelp 3 жыл бұрын
You're right: people see the public side of these folks, never the private, at-home side. Hijackals are crafty that way.
@p4vll 8 ай бұрын
So it was all possibly depression related? That's really interesting.
@kindnesstoall 5 ай бұрын
Wow!! Where have you been?. Don't give your power away!! Have learned to let it stay where it started...over there!
@openbox3794 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you 🙏 for this tool
@ForRelationshipHelp 3 жыл бұрын
You're welcome!
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