0:00 Exploitativeness And Entitlement As The More Dangerous Traits Of A Narcissist 3:34 There Must Be An Invasion Of Your Boundary 7:49 The Fastest No Test 12:20 You Saying No Shouldn't Cause A Negative Emotional Reaction In Any Normal Person 14:25 Narcissists Will Frequently Covertly Coerce You Into Giving Way More Of Your Time And Attention Than They Deserve 18:49 Over Assumption Of Intimacy Is Also A Boundary Break 21:23 Wrapping Up

No one on this earth gets more angry than a narcissist being accused of doing something they absolutely did.

"That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, it's no big deal. And if it is, it's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if it did... You deserved it."

My favorite thing to say to narcissists is, "whatever". Indifference bothers them more than rejection. A narcissists would rather be hated than ignored.

A narcissist hates to be told “No” It’s a lovely little word.

Once you've detached and are basically watching from a sideline perspective, them giving you the silent treatment is fantastic.

Why did it take me 40 yrs to say to myself: “You don’t HAVE to go to every fight you’re invited to”

Your spot on about them not wanting to hear about others pain or suffering. Narcissists are so un-empathetic when it comes to others.

I could never see the manipulation and entitlement until I was able to split from the narcissist. Now I can’t unsee it.

They hurt you and get mad at you for feeling hurt and upset like it’s your fault... 🤬🤬

When someone shows you who they are, believe them... don't second guess it, don't delay it thinking they will get better. They won't. Period.

It’s healthy to sometimes tell someone NO, even if you want to say YES, it sends a clear message that you have choices.

It's actually scary how many narcissistic people I grew up with especially in my family, this world is crazy I had to cut off a lot of people to protect my own sanity but I'm glad I did.

They like to accuse and condemn others of the same things they're doing wrong.

They also NEVER admit they are wrong.

I love the part where you said "beyond a certain point it's not about them anymore, it's about you, that's what's essential to your healing" Very important to shift that focus, thank you very much

When I left my ex I told him in ten years of marriage he’s never truly apologized, everything was always my fault. The level of resentment and invalidation that I felt was beyond words. I genuinely don’t even think he knew it was wrong but real love will always seek to support and validate you and try to understand you. Toxic people have little self awareness. I have trauma myself, but it really comes down to treating people with respect.

Fake smiles always. They warn you in the beginning that they are a bad person. Believe them. Get away. No one says that.

My counselor once told me: "If you really want to get to know someone, Tell them, No!" ~ Mr. Terry 💖🙏💕

YES! My dad will not drop or leave an interaction until he receives his "emotional coin", I call it. I could be as neutral/logical/centered as I want, and the interaction for him is still about getting me to respond to his emotional level. Everything is always loaded with some form of judgement/shame/culpability. I still live with my parents at age 34, and it has at times been a harrowing/grueling path, with frequent/recurrent thoughts about what life or reality even is, and if I should try to... "exit", which of course I do not actually want, and do not wish for anyone else, but it gets extremely dark. Love you whoever is reading this. You are not alone. 💗

Yep. This is the one sure fire way I’ve been telling people for years. Tell them “no” and watch how they respond. Not how they reply - because (especially covert) narcissists know how to control a conversation and won’t give themselves away immediately. They can easily say that it’s “no big deal” and pretend they’re fine in the moment, but watch how they respond over the next few days. They will NOT be ok with it and they’ll find ways to make people regret saying no. It’s perfect because it removes you from the equation. You’re not talking about the narc or trying to convince people to believe you or take your side. Just an invitation to tell the person “no” and watch what happens from there.

I took care of my ex-boyfriend during his cancer treatment. Then he tore his Achilles tendon and I turned into the helper climbing stairs in his 4 story house to fetch items, cleaning and cooking. Then I was sick and asked for water and some soup. He brought me water from the bathroom in his cup he used to rinse after brushing. I would say, Don't devote yourself to someone for a long time without asking for a simple favor to see how they re-act. Don't think you are a narcisist if you get emotional when you given so much and you ask for a favor and your partner says, don't make your problems mine. Make sure the relationship is balanced with giving and taking from the start so you don't feel used.

I got in trouble with my family for calling my mom a narcissist on KZfaq.I’m going no contact.I’m 58.I don’t want to take care of my family’s mental health anymore.I’ve been doing it since I was 4.I don’t know how much time I have on Earth to live my own life. I’m finished being everyone’s mental health counselor!

My mothers favourite phrase was shouted at me regularly "I'm not going to live my life around YOU!" It said everything really.

Holy cow the bordline empathy stuff hit home hard. Yes having someonw constantly tell you that you lack empathy while youre constantly walking on eggshells and trying to read thier minds to keep them happy while they show absolutely no concern for your feelings is maddening.

My then husband told me I was a push over and had to learn to stand up for myself. I started doing so where I needed it most.... standing up to him and his mother. He literally said, " I didn't mean at home!" That was when I realized how bad the relationship was.

Narcissists don't like when you're happy, and they do judge and attack you, you feel like you're being bullied all the time.

All of this stuff does such a number on one’s mind. Including questioning our own sanity and asking whether or not we ourselves are narcs. Cutting people off seems so unnatural, and it’s only harder the closer they are to us. This video clears up so much. Thank you!

Thank you for making the distinction between being bothered by the lack of empathy in the word and being personally obsessed with receiving empathy while giving none to others. I’m tired of narcissists seeing me as an endless source of empathy and then being accused of being an ice queen when I stop playing along. When you love someone what hurts them hurts you and their problems become your problems and vice versa but with a narcissist they give you full responsibility to shield them from the difficulties of life while caring nothing about what happens to you. They look like a soldier laying in Flanders field but they are actually and opium addict doing smack. Walk away and find a real fellow soldier and don’t look down on them when at times they are too weak to stand because they are human. Don’t worry if they are a real soldier they’ll get up again. Life is brutally hard on good people. It’s also really tough on idiots. I’m learning to discern the difference.

I notice with a heavy heart so many comment on feeling attacked when they are happy. The narc is not happy seeing us happy. I tried explaining this to friends and even therapists and they shrug it off. I think its well meaning, but whenever something good happens for me I get really scared and resort to freezing mode and isolation to avoid sabotage. Makes me cry to even think about that what they do is real and its not in my head. Hugs to all of you going through this!! We can only become stronger when the darkness comes to light.

Here is a tip for everyone stuck in this situation, accept that they never actually intended to care about you at all. Then breaking your bond is easier - it is just a scam, narcissist's don't love or care for anyone. Especially not their partners and their children.

This has always worked for me; Letting them know that they upset you for x,y, or x… and ask them if they could apologize. The narcissist literally CAN’T do it. You will watch them fall apart, get angry, or even blame you. What I usually end up with is, “I’ll apologize if you do it first.“ Super childish behavior!

Ghosting my NPD siblings 25 years ago is the absolute best thing I’ve ever done for myself and my wife. I can’t imagine the drama that has gone on in my absence.

When I didn’t behave the way my ex wanted me to he said to me “just imagine what I’m going to tell my next girlfriend about you!” And my response was “I don’t give a shit what lies you tell your next victim”. The shock was visible and epic! Totally threw him off and I got a great laugh. I had no idea that he was a narcissist at the time.

I used to tick a lot of boxes for cluster b's. I investigated my childhood and found trauma. Put 2 and 2 together, got 4, and started working on myself relentlessly. Kicked my narcissistic traits out of the door. Learned to apologise and mean it, developed empathy, I still have a nasty streak but it's like a muzzled beast- I will only let it out if I find myself in actual danger. I think the reason I was able to take control of myself and my behaviours is due to actually being raised well- the trauma that started me on the road of cluster b was purely accidental, and the perpetrator took responsibility and was even brave enough to admit their mistakes (which is good because without that info I would have continued to think I was just born evil). I believe that sooooooo many cluster b people have a sneaky trauma in the newborn phase of life. The hard part involved in "fixing" someone who is cluster b is this: NOTHING except for their own realisations will prompt them to get help/take control of themselves, and cluster b brain wiring is super sneaky. Cluster b's literally cannot see that their behaviours are toxic-trust me on that! It's weird being on the other side of it, when I think back to how I was, it mortifies me. I might get hate for this comment as I've essentially admitted to being a narc in the past but if those of us who fought hard to become something other than a disorder stay quiet about it, then how will others learn they can do the same? The key thing that set my realisation off was that people were always having the same reaction to my bullshit, and as an observant person, I had to accept that it was MY fault, not theirs. That was the turning point tgat started me off investigating. Sorry for the wall! You can say no to reading it and I won't flip a table 😁 (anymore!). Seriously though, if you read the whole thing then thank you. 💜 (If you are a narc or cluster b reading this then know this: not getting mad when people don't conform to what you want can actually be pretty liberating, drop that need for control as it will only hurt you, others, and leave you lonely and empty).

Excellent description. I used to wonder why some people made me feel defensive and others made me totally drained and joyless! I now stay well clear and am much happier for it.

My narcissistic sister never asks, she just barks demands at me. I have nothing to do with her anymore. You can't be nice to narcissists.

A simple test to see if a person is a narcissist is to ask them to go to therapy. A true narcissist thinks they know more and are better then any therapist. In my experience, the only time you’ll ever see a narcissistic cry is when they’re trying to manipulate you to get what they want. They don’t cry when they see you hurt, suffering or in pain. It actually makes them feel better about themselves. It’s so sick.

If someone treats you badly, that’s enough of a justification for you to avoid them before you become more deeply involved.

The "I reach my straw across the room" impression was excellent. Thank you for that.

But to your credit. NO is exactly what you say. Sooner the better. Your a great thinker Richard

Living with a narcissist is just so exhausting , they drain every scrap of life from the partner , and leave them with little soul . Leave .

I'm a psychotherapist. I often listen to coaches and other non-clinicians for insights, and I'm always screening what they say for inaccuracies. This guy is spot on!

As a Cognitive Neuroscientist who broke off an engagement with someone who I kept matched the descriptors of vulnerable narcissism and borderline (and her mom and twin sister as well), I can say that this was my favorite video that I've seen on this topic.

I have literally been told that I was 'not as good as I had promised' multiple times! This is actually one of the aspects I overlooked as I was recovering from dysfunctional relationships, thinking it was just one of my traits. I have been anxiously waiting for the 'point of dissappointment' in close to all of the friendships I had built ever since. Thanks for clearing that one up!

Once I started watching all of these videos about Narcissism, my entire life made sense. And it was an enormous relief to know that I am not crazy! This explains why the lies, why the drama, why the gaslighting, why the punishment when ever I've said "No". Some of my experiences with my mother and my sister would curl your hair!

Both of my parents and both of my husbands were narcissists. I just left a narc in the love bombing stage because of his response to my no. Thank you for changing my future.

I started me own healing saga January of 2023. As I learned about the behaviors of a narcissist, I kept panicking that I am a narc too! I know I’m not, but to this day I have that question. Argh! Keep up your good work people! There is light, just keep taking one step at a time and you will get there! Just look at Mr. Grannon! ❤

"No, no you're in a game silly." 💯 24 years later I finally figured this out 😔

the more you talk about NPD, the more you realize that we are in an epedemic

Another way to figure out if somebody is a narcissist is if they address you about something in a rude way and you are intentionally just as rude right back. A normal person might back off and be genuinely humble and polite next time you interact with them… but a narcissistic might back off but subsequently continue to come at you with crap, it’s like they never get tired of causing conflict.

As a person who's had a 13 year soul tie with someone diagnosed with NPD and APD, I resonate with this video more than I can express. Thank you so, so much.

There are many narcissists in my life, I myself feel like I have picked up narcissistic tendencies. This video must be very difficult for you to make, I am absolutely impressed with your fortitude. Thank you for the information.

Talking about themselves for *hours*. RUN from them - don't walk - don't reconsider the conversation - RUN!

thumbs up just for the "I didn't even realize I'm in a game, I thought I'm in a relationship! No silly, you're in a game" part. So true.

When I was a kid, my mother and stepfather created an environment where I could only get my needs met by eliciting extreme sympathy from my mother. It was a form of learned helplessness. It fucked my life up royaly. My self image was in the shitter, but I didn't even know it because I was so locked in "get sympathy survival mode". I was basically a begger. I don't know if I was narcissistic or borderline or just cluster b-ish. Grannon's videos help me see the narcissistic tendencies in myself but also in the people I was surrounding myself with. Acknowledgement was the key to change. Once I could see the problem, I could finally fix it. Five years later, I'm self-sufficient and stable and no longer have codependent traits. My only complaint is that life's a little boring when you're stable... but that's one of the reasons we chose to have kids and raise a family.

AFTER 23 YEARS OF LIVING WITH AND KNOWING A PARTICULAR PERSON .YES I CAN SAY I F--KING KNOW . THANK YOU RICHARD ,

Narcissists tend to be know-it-alls...no humility whatsoever.

Entitlement is definitely a trait of narcissism. So is exploitativeness.

My mother had definite narcissistic traits. I remember the 'push/pull' parenting when I was small, the difference in treatment when my very passive dad was at work 12 hours a day compared to when he was home, she dragged me up to my room at 10 and started packing a suitcase threatening to send me to boarding school for some perceived transgression, and the last straw was when she went to hit me (of the many, many times) when I was about 13....I put my hand up to defend myself and she told my father that 'Your son tried to hit me' as soon as he walked through the door. I hated her, and she left me with a trauma that affected my relationships throughout my life. Those are just what stuck with me the most. I loved my Dad, but was sad that she outlived him as it stood in the way of me trying to have a relationship with him. She would pout like a child when not getting her way, and imho, was the curse my father married. He would have had a considerably better life without her, and she had the nerve to question why after age 19 I visited twice in 25 years.

I love that you are emphasizing that most of us are not qualified to diagnose... to KNOW someone is this or that. And that even a professional has difficulty diagnosing. I fully agree with the 'no' thing too!

Bingo!!!! The moment I told my mother NO.. I became her worst enemy. . I was 30 years old!!!

”I thought I was in a relationship! No, no... You're in a game, silly!” ohhh - so good!!!!

Yep....they freak out when you say "NO"

Thank you for taking the time to share this. It was totally spot on.

It took me 45 years to realize that my natural exuberance made my mother furious, and start cutting me down until I got super upset and cried. Now when I see her, (rarely), I just act depressed and hardly speak, and she is so nice. It makes me laugh so hard to see her not get to play her little games. LOL

I love how everyone here knows a Narcissist, but no one admits to being here because sometimes they wonder about themselves. I sometimes wonder if I have narcissistic traits.

This is amazing. I really want to say a HUGE thanks for including the variants in behavior/style for those with borderline as well as narcissism. This was a huge help for me.

Gotta thank YOU for your time and attention Richard. That was AMAZING!! (you must be exhausted but I believe you have just helped many. many people, not least myself) x

I’ve been single now, for 4 years. On purpose. I’ve been married to the personality issues people you described, and found myself attracting them. Being single is ok. It’s calm. Yes, so quite calm, and ver peaceful. I lost all my savings.the three men I let into my life bleed me dry. I’m 60 next year. I have no idea what my future holds. But ,…I’m free of the strange arguments, the strange rationale that’s me always to blame. I hope for the best. Maybe , next year I’ll update you. I’m scarred worried by you know what? ,..I’m past caring. I survived my ex plus 2 other ass o les. Wow. I’m ok. 😉👊😹🤦🏼‍♀️

I'm such a narc magnet, it's gotten to the point where my "test" is just if somebody likes me, then that's proof they're a narc...

this popped up in my feed & started playing - can’t help but appreciate this earlier version of you ☺️ 🙏🏽 for all you’ve offered along your journey

This is one of the best breakdowns of it I have ever seen thus far... And being a victim of a dark triad type personality who really had a substantial effect on my whole life, it caused me to be to be nearly obsessive in the amount I was searching for answers I never got from my abuser.. so I have watched, read, studied, observed, tested, validated endless data and resources on the topic and just something about this video it lays it out in such a well defined understanding of the whole entire topic and makes me wish I watched this years ago... Phenomenal work. You really know your stuff and you've gained a new fan without a doubt. Thanks for this. 🙏🏻

Nailed it. That's pretty much the first red flag--an inability and refusal to acknowledge, let alone honor, another person's time, space, decisions, and life. Healthy boundaries will change your life, friends, and save your sanity.

my favorite response to narcs: If you say so. 😀 youre free to believe what you want.

Can I just say SIR thank you again! You are a wonderful healer teacher and friend to all of us who extremely benefit from your discussions and your wonderful time that you spend providing for others.... I have been in a horribly abusive relationship physically emotionally psychologically for 3 years. I checked into three different domestic violence women shelters and went to numerous counselors for help trying to explain what I was going through the helplessness the corrosion of the soul the hopelessness and that insane mania... Just recently I drove from California to Vermont to get away from this relationship and join my son I found you on the drive. And listen to you almost the entire time across country for 5 days. You have given me more help more hope than any of the women shelters and any of the therapist or self-help books. Im internally grateful to you and I cannot express enough how much I sincerely wholeheartedly appreciate YOU good man!

When you mentioned the example about sharing a personal information about your family and they use that little information it hit home to me. Most of the things you said in this video I experienced from my in-laws - the constant need for my attention, the drama, the feeling of feeling invaded, violated. I was confused for a long time and been blaming, doubting, beating myself up for the things they do to me thinking they were all my fault. When I started looking for answers, I little by little unfolded and discovered what it is really I have been going through. I was told I don’t show compassion when they were the ones who invaded my space, criticising everything that I do, taking offence because I refused to do what they asked me to do. Used my husband to hurt and disrespect me and they deliberately showed me that he is on their side

"I didn't even know I was in a game! I thought I was in a relationship! No, no, you're in a game silly." Yep!

I just got rid off "friend "like that. I think test is: do you feel like they suck life out of you?

This resonates on so many levels. I have had multiple people in my life with personality disorders and the tactics used are incredible. Breaching boundaries, undermining you unfairly, making you question your own behaviors and motives. It is exhausting and you dont even know the rules of the game, you don't even know there IS a game and you sure as f#@k didn't consent to participate. Exhausted 🙏

Oh my gosh. You are amazing. You said so much that helped me realize the narcs manipulation and unremorse. . I ran in to a topic online of invalidation and it blew me away to. I'm learning so much, it's helping me be at ease and careful with narcs. I don't believe everything but what I find is obviously healthy info that really helps. I have so much to share but for now, thank you so very much for helping us. It stabilizes and helps people know how to act and react. The world needs it. It's filled with narcs and is why there's wars and domestic violence. God bless you my good man. ❤❤❤😊😊😊❤️❤️❤️

Narcissists don't seek just an emotional reaction. They FEED off of the energetic fuel you supply -- whether the energy is positive or negative. They are energetic vampires who will suck the very life out of those they trap. RUN! and never look back!

Screw the labels. If someone can't stand you saying "No", or can't accept you not acceeding to their requests, just move on - fast.

Richard Grannon, you are Straight Up, Amazing at getting to the FACTS in layman's terms, and quickly. I never cease to be amazed at the accuracy of your information. Thank You for getting straight to the point, you are helping myself and countless others... we appreciate it!!

I’d like to thank Mr. Grannon for this video. I found him to be knowledgeable, insightful and practical. I’m particularly keen on the idea of centering yourself on your healing and setting boundaries or stopping contact, rather than labeling others or getting stuck in the negative feelings one has towards them.

Even if you do manage to behave "perfectly" it will be deemed wrong by the narcissist. They will find a way to make your flawless behaviour wrong. They will attack you for being too good and claim you are fake and a liar. They always accuse you of the very same things they are doing. So if they are constantly suspicious of you and worrying that you are sleeping around be very aware... they are probably doing this themselves.

Dated a guy two months and he failed the “No” test miserably, and when I mentioned it he gaslit me by trying to justify why he felt he should still do what I asked him not to. Shortly after that, honeymoon phase was over and his true narcissistic self came out full force! This test works!!

Thanks for your time and consideration to post your point of view out to the world. It’s laid out like I asked an informed person and they spoke openly and honestly. Personally helped me out with my life. Just wanted to let you know I appreciate that.

This was one of the most helpful, simple videos on this topic I have seen to date.

Narcissist- can I ask you a favor? You can say no if you want to...I promise I won't get mad. Me- No! Narcissist- all the things I do for you and you're telling me no!! Then seeing the narcissist sitting on the couch folded arms POUTING.... at 57 yrs old!

Yah. Right on. Another sign is the inability to apologize. The closest my long-ago, former narcissistic partner got to apologizing was to say "I'm sorry you're angry with me". I laugh about it now. Also, everything I did was wrong, even my solutions to the artificial dramas that were created on a regular basis. Being kind was wrong. Helping was wrong. Ignoring, even briefly to get a break from all of it. especially was wrong. If you're feeling like a doormat, it's because you are being treated like one. Walk away. You can't fix it.

Thank you for doing these videos, your helping more people than you could ever know. Good heart ♥️

I'm so glad this video came up again. Because I can see where I responded to it three years ago. I am seeing it played out by the letter right now with someone in my neighborhood. The clarity and the explanation in this video is shining a bright light on this situation. The person I am speaking of will paint a picture of me around the neighborhood that fits her perspective. Yet, she and I are not joined at the hip and I am nothing like her. As victims of people like this, we can see the danger playing out. And yes I use the word danger. They not only like to glue themselves to you. But they also like to paint the picture that you are also glued to them. I don't stick to anybody.

This worked like a charm! I remembered to set a boundary (for the first time) Who knew it could be that easy? First date, this guy wouldn't stop droning on about his "crazy" X's, so I kindly told him I didn't want to hear about them..ie NO. And just like that he was enraged! All I could think was what a relief not to spend weeks or months to find that out. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

I’ve realised recently that most of my relationships have all been with narcs... Saying “no” is the healthiest thing that I’ve learnt to do. It is truly liberating!!!!

Great video! Subbed. I've dealt with too many of these people. Once you research and learn, you can see them clearly. Sadly, most of them don't know they have this disorder...it just happens. It was perfect when you said YOU FEEL JUDGED MOST OF THE TIME, or all the time, when dealing with a narcissist. There are a few I always feel that way with....they have been removed from my life. Weight lifted. Don't feel bad about leaving people.

This sounded so much like my story. It was very reassuring. Part of how you suffer is you start to wonder if the good sense you thought you had is even valid. This highly accurate description of what I happened to be experiencing let me know that my conclusions were not unrealistic. I’m going to stay tuned into this channel.

I am a therapist, and you are accurate in your representation of this matter! Most people experiencing Cluster B personality disorders will never receive mental health services or agree to being assessed. Not even for couples therapy… or might go to a few sessions of couples or family therapy to try to convince the therapist that they are not the problem, but intend to blame another person within the family system or their partner. As soon as some balance is showed, and both parts need to assume responsibility over their faults, the narcissistic person will abandon the process…

This is 100% true. A narcissist will become visibly agitated, even angry, at the slightest sign of you putting up a boundary. Even when they're still trying to wear a mask, you'll see it. They simply cannot tolerate noncompliance. There's zero respect or understanding that you even have the right to say "no." It's a "how dare you say no to me!" type of attitude, and they'll project and view the situation as YOU fighting THEM when you're simply exercising your right to disagree and the situation couldn't be more the reverse.

"Oh, Freud, where are you now!" That was so deep felt after realizing what he just said!😅 I feel you brother! It happens to all of us. 😂😂😂