i really want someone to turn the entire segment about the chocolate wars into an animation

Third rewatch and I only just realized that in the whole low-gravity football discussion they've just invented Rocket League but with humans, which is something I can definitely get behind

The middle ground between Mars and Cadbury controlled by the Swiss: a demilitarized toblerone.

'What if it's in a wrapper' 'What, like Eminem?' had me dying

I only get about half of the jokes, but it's still entertaining as hell.

"It may need to be rewritten entirely." Scots Wikipedia be like

Isn't the entire idea of "send all the football players to mars" kind of exactly the same plan as you had with Australia back when?

“They would look at us as a race of semi-evolved dwarves” Congratulations, you’ve just described The Expanse

I hope I’m not the only one who watches these, only gets about 70% of the British references, yet still laughs anyway. I can’t help it! Between the faces, the accents, the laughs, it all works to bring the laughter out of me whether I understand it or not.

I love how it immediately derails as soon as it starts

This show is a source of pure Britain. As a Russian person, I'm really thankful for it.

I've watched some of these episodes so much that instead of laughing at the jokes I laugh just before them...

Between Top Gear and Citation Needed - Rocket League was born.

I now feel like I moved to England a year ago *just* to be able to understand this episode today.

I'm going to be "that guy" and comment, over a year later, that it's tungsten rods, not titanium rods. Tungsten is quite a bit denser, so it has more kinetic energy.

I have done some working out with chocolate bar sizes and damage caused. In theory, a single Twix bar scaled up 9 times to approximately 1m long should be enough to smash a skull and kill someone if traveling at terminal velocity. This is excluding the additional chocolate needed to compensate for the mass lost during re-entry, which would drastically increase the size needed.

for the non-british and correct me if i am wrong, hundreds and thousands are... sprinkles

Mars Arctic Research Station. MARS. Benoit B. Mandelbrot would be proud.

Chris says "delicious goo" quite more often in these series than you'd expect.

This is my favourite episode of Citation Needed precisely because it's the most unfocused and rambly episode. They barely actually discuss the episode topic and it's much stronger for it, I feel.

This is my third time through, and I've only just caught Matt's rapper pun slipped into the convo from 16:53. Possibly the best two way pun in the history of this show! Well played, sir. Well played!

its been 8 years and about 20 rewatches, and this still cracks me up every time

The thing about the Henlein Mars flag is that there was a meeting of various world leaders trying to decide on the sovereignty of Mars, the property rights of Valentine Michael Smith (the titular Stranger in a Strange Land, who was born to two crew members on a mission to Mars and included in all the crews' wills as an heir) and other issues. They were trying to decide how to seat Smith and his party, and Jubal Harshaw, Smith's advisor, insisted on diplomatic honors (being seated under his nation's flag, having an entourage, etc. equal with other nations) because allowing anything else would essentially cede the point before the whole negotiations started. Harshaw explicitly states that he, as a human, is merely approximating the flag, as the Martians (an extraordinarily ancient and nightmarishly psychically powerful species) had no need for such trappings in their system of governance. He grabs a tablecloth and draws the Mars symbol on it, and instructs that it be put up behind the seating for Smith's group at the table. So Heinlein's Flag of Mars wasn't really the Flag of Mars in the universe of the book, more of a bluff to keep from getting "handled" or fobbed-off by diplomats. I imagine he could've just drawn a red circle on a white background . . . except that's the Japanese flag.

Points: Chris: 4, 1 MB Gary: 1, 1 MB Matt: 0 Winner: Chris (but Tom gives it to Gary for his hundreds and thousands joke.) • Totals: Chris: 22 points 2 Mystery Biscuits 3 Wins Gary: 20 points 4 Mystery Biscuits 2 wins Matt: 22 points 3 Mystery Biscuits 4 Wins Band names / albums so far: Furious Strumpets, SimpleHuman.

Last words of lieutenant colonel bit, rib of the freddo battalion: "They'd never hit a cinnamon roll at this dis-"

"What, like Eminem?" I can't believe that riff by Matt got ignored utterly, since that was both a rapper AND a chocolate reference. (Unless he did that without realizing it, because I know in the UK you have Smarties, not M&Ms.)

When they were discussing the battle I suddenly had an image of a Terry's Chocolate Orange fired from a cannon, breaking into segments that scythe through the enemy lines, leaving a trail of decapitates Freddos and Jelly Babies in their wake...

The final joke was bloody glorious.

Actually, the definition of "weapon of mass destruction," as stated by the Outer Space Treaty, does not include Kinetic Bombardment. Only nuclear, chemical, radiological, and biological weapons are banned from space and the Moon. The US started research on Kinetic Bombardment called Project Thor specifically to circumvent these restrictions.

Brilliant episode, this is the one that I will think of as 'Bar Wars'.

matt's m&m / eminem joke did NOT get enough attention. i will die on this hill

"Is the Flashline Arctic Research Center in the Arctic? No! It's in Venezuela! 🤣🤣🤣

Between this and the Bossche Bol episode, you've really got confectionery warfare down to a fine art! Delicious and deadly! Fantastic as always, guys. :3

I find these really intriguing (not to mention hilarious) because Tom's vibes come across as a totally different 'genre' of person to his pals, and it's a little funny seeing them juxtaposed.

Gary Brannan: "I think we should just nuke Mars now" Elon Musk in 2019: "Bro I gotchu covered"

Never watch this while drinking tea - I just had to pause it in order to save my keyboard

Damn it, Tom! I'm up at 3:45 in the AM, wanting to go to sleep, but I can't stop watching these in reverse order! Bloody Hell, Tom!

Even after all this time and all these episodes, this one is my favorite Citation Needed. All of them are great, but this is my favorite. Shine on you hilarious diamonds.

Damn it, people are trying to sleep. Why must you make this so funny, I am sure I must be keeping people awake with my laughter.

re: titanium rod Titanium would be a lousy kinetic weapon because it is so light. Tungsten was the metal proposed for such a weapon.

Did they literally describe the Rocket League pitch?

At this point ive seen at least 3 episodes of technical difficulties that have devolved into an indepth and lengthy discussion of how candy warfare/transportation would look like.

If it had happened in later episodes, the chocolate diversion would be bonus material.

17:07 And this is where Tom got the idea to send garlic bread to space...

This episode is magnificent. It still manages to make me tear up laughing, much more than some of the last runs with an audience present. I am quite happy that this still exists online. I hope it will stay available for years to come. Thank you again for producing so much fun. Cheers! 😁

I love how they accidentally nearly invented rocket league with the curved walls and the wall running and what not

"see? we could move it." "it's also immobile."

Tom in the past (or it might’ve been the future, im not sure): “yes, but I’m not giving you a point for that cause that’s bloody obvious!” Tom now: “point!”

As an American, I can say that yes, our chocolate quality is definitely lacking. However, you cannot deny the massive industrial confectionary complex. What we lack in quality, we more than make up for it with sheer production volume. We are willing to lend/lease any sweet to our allies in the great candy war. We also have a large savory snack department that constantly research and develop snacks that can make the whole world obese, snacks of massive mass.

Surely at least one of the Martian football teams would be called Mars Rovers!

I searched wikipedia, and "hundreds and thousands" is sprinkles.

fun fact: you can put military equipment into orbit, as long as you keep it, legally, "not in space". basically, it is completely possible to put stuff into orbit at lower altitudes than what is generally agreed upon as "The altitude where space, and by extension, space law, start". not saying you would'nt get some government officials knocking on ya door....

7:08 Chris's laugh is so pure

They predicted Rocket League

Lindt is Swiss though. Also, fun fact, the Swiss military has a device called "Toblerone"!

You can't drop rod just like that! It would need rocket engine to slow it down, because orbit is defined by velocity. I know this from playing KSP .

given their recent performance, shipping the English squad off to Mars isn't that bad of an idea.

The original concept for the god rod was actually a tungsten rod

ROCKET LEAGUE. THEY CALLED IT.

Gonna need a citation on that Mr. Lindt bit. I've tried multiple times and never found anything that says that.

Making the ball 3 times heavier = more mass = greater inertia = lots of broken shins when combined with the bone weakening effects of lower gravity. And we thought players were taking dives too often here on earth!

Ideas for low gravity football: Either do the halfpipe idea, or have a box with ribbed walls to step on to make the game more vertical. As a catch, make it illegal to have a hand touch the ground.

I'd like to thank Chris for accidentally derailing this entire episode from the start.

In case anyone still cares , the chocolate museum is in cologne

Not titanium, tungsten and perhaps a depleted uranium core. (titanium loses strength after 400°F and reentry would be way hotter plus tungsten has the highest melting point and one of the highest densities of all metals, depleted uranium is super dense)

I've now got an image of Rod Stewart being fired at a city from space, and all you hear is "BAAAABY JANE" before an almighty explosion wipes out said city.

12:00 and tom has basically described the plot of call of duty ghosts

Seven years on, and after multiple viewings, STILL some of the most entertaining stuff out there

Such pure and unrelenting joy! Great work with the multicam edit too (as always), although seemingly missed the chance to give Tom's near spit take the same treatment as Matt's ones.

I thought I was doing well to learn the names of all the completely different candy products sold in Canada... then these British folks come along with their "Bar Wars," and I realize it's different all over again.

The wheel spins and lands on Mars.

'I'll be black' - Matt Gray, 2014

This has some of the most northern things in it.

Possibly my favourite episode so far. Spat my drink out with laughter at the end. Great work, all!

I think I need an encyclopedia of British confections to get half the jokes in this one. But on the subject of low-G Football, keep in mind that with reduced gravity comes reduced weight and therefore traction, but mass and therefore inertia remains the same. This makes starting, stopping and changing direction more difficult.

The best show so far by a huge margin, and that's not to say the others were in any way unenjoyable.

Gary silently mouthing along with Tom's intro is hilarious

10:30 I thought the Rods from God were tungsten?

Accidentally clicked unsubscribe while watching this. I've never clicked cancel so fast in all my life

I need the chocolate wars to be a series of ads

I just looked up Rods of God & wiki furnished me with "Kinetic bombardment", it says "Although the SALT II (1979) prohibited the deployment of orbital weapons of mass destruction, it did not prohibit the deployment of conventional weapons. The system is prohibited by neither the Outer Space Treaty nor the Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty.". So you could if you wanted too. :)

A Mars Bar in a wrapper in order for it to re-enter an atmosphere. "What, like Eminem?" How did you guys not laugh about that one?

Dang it Tom, they're TUNGSTEN! Tungsten rods form the gods!

As I write this, season 6 has gone live in its entirety. Despite all the comedy genius that has occurred, there is still no joke to touch the glory of the last one in this episode.

That Eminem / m and m joke was brilliant but no-one noticed it. 16:53

Tom Scott's Anti-Gravity Shitting!

Now that the series is over :’( we can officially say, this was the best episode ever

Great show! I nearly fell out of my chair laughing!

16:54 The fact that there were no Mystery Biscuits for 'M&M' is a travesty.

8 years later i just wanna point out the Flashline Mars Arctic Research Station spells out F- MARS, which makes me think that's the only reason they put it there.

5 whole minutes of off topic, you guys are awesome.

This is probably my favourite episode of Citations Needed that they have recorded so far.

BOOM! - That's my next 20 minutes sorted! :) View #8 too!

Another fun Swiss army/chocolate fact: At strategic valleys along the Swiss border are bunkers and a line of concrete anti tank barriers (on all sides, not just the German side because Neutrality) and they actually do have a Toblerone-like shape.

The factory of Linds (or however it is spelled) is in Köln. I've been to the museum thing. It's got some satisfying stuff going on.

This is a comment implying that I liked the video.

I googled several times already when this episode came up, and i found nothing to confirm the Lindt story, i wonder if there's anything out there

This absolutely had me in stitches XD

fuck's sake, gents - "I lost my leg in *nom*". Sitting right there it was, and you all sailed RIGHT past it!

I am now writing a screen play in my head about a soccer team that has to play the world cup on Mars in order to uphold a title as "current greatest" team. The coach is giving them some rousing pep talk about how the physics will differ and that it isn't the game they're used to. The alpha player is grieving the 40 year flight that will take him away from his family as he lies in cryostasis. P.S. Sorry I called Football, Soccer. It feels disingenuous to call it football as an American. Like I'm being intentionally coy or something.