The Freeze Response and Sexual Assault: PTSD and Trauma Recovery #2

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Many people have heard of the fight or flight response, but fewer have heard of the freeze response. And for many people, that just seems like a fancy word for doing nothing - but the freeze response is much, much more than inaction. It's your brain's most desperate attempt to survive in the face of an overwhelming or overpowering danger.
Many victims of sexual assault and harassment freeze in the moment, or they comply, smile, or appease their abuser - then later they beat themselves up for it. In this video I explain why that freeze response serves an ancient survival function, and also some potential options for how to turn off the freeze reaction and respond in more intentional or helpful ways when one's life is not at stake.
Understanding the freeze response and how to beat it can be essential skills for learning how to overcome PTSD and other anxiety disorders and practice self-compassion after sexual assault.
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About Me:
I’m Emma McAdam. I’m a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and I have worked in various settings of change and growth since 2004. My experience includes juvenile corrections, adventure therapy programs, wilderness therapy programs, an eating disorder treatment center, a residential treatment center, and I currently work in an outpatient therapy clinic.
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“Tonic immobility during sexual assault - a common reaction predicting posttraumatic stress disorder and severe depression.” Anna Möller, Hans Peter Söndergaard, and Lotti Helström. Acta Obstetricia et Gynecologica Scandinavica; Published Online: June 7, 2017 (DOI: 10.1111/aogs.13174).
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@gerafinali4384 5 жыл бұрын

I felt ashamed of freezing but looking back it probably saved my life. Rapist wants the control and they can easily use more violence to get it, or kill you if they feel threatened...

@TherapyinaNutshell 5 жыл бұрын

gerafina li yes, so many people feel ashamed for freezing, but it’s really a very functional survival response. That’s why I made this video to help people move past the shame.

@gerafinali4384 5 жыл бұрын

@@TherapyinaNutshell Thanks for making this info available. It took me years and therapy to understand it. I also wish that body response and shame in abuse and rape would be more talked about. Take care.

@disorganizedclutter5513 4 жыл бұрын

@@gerafinali4384 I'm impressed you found a therapist that was helpful. My therapists have just regarded my sexual abuse as if it wasn't a big deal. I guess it's because I'm an adult and I feel little emotion.

@gerafinali4384 4 жыл бұрын

@@disorganizedclutter5513 it took me five therapists! The first one said that I subconsciously wanted to be raped. Another one told my partner that of course sometimes I would say no to sex but he had to ignore it. Etc... The last one I saw was a behaviourist and cognitive therapist. And by then I could say exactly what I felt, I had realised that therapists wouldn't read between the lines. Feeling little emotions is totally normal, you have blocked them to survive. I had to learn to feel again and especially not to be scared of my negative feelings. I truly hope you can find healing and understanding. It is a long road, but when you can start healing you realise how that experience has tainted your entire existence. Take care.

@disorganizedclutter5513 4 жыл бұрын

@@gerafinali4384 Wow, that makes me feel more hopeful because I tend to have negative expectations about therapy since I've had bad experiences. Maybe I'll eventually find one I feel comfortable with. For this and for other traumatic events in my life. That's horrible they would say that sort of stuff to you. It seems there's so much confusion about these things. I already have enough shame to talk about it let alone have therapists act like I wanted it or it wasn't bad. I'm also not comfortable saying exactly how I feel to therapists. I find it too uncomfortable and awkward to talk.

@jenniferredus3391 4 жыл бұрын

"Just play along until I can escape." so so sad and so so real

@signsofaprincess 4 жыл бұрын

Yessss.....thing is for me I said no and tried to get away so I had no choice, and I knew after that didn’t work my only option was to play along. I’m sorry you ever had to experience that, no one should have to.

@kuikabithe5529 4 жыл бұрын

Soo so real

@MsLhuntMartinez79 3 жыл бұрын

I submitted mid way too. It was a couple of days ago ( just sharing). I wanted him to leave. Can you believe I jumped in the shower afterwards to play like i was ok and he got in there with me?! He left after that.

@s.a.i.7223 3 жыл бұрын

@@signsofaprincess I had exactly the same experience and I can imagine the feelings of you and @Jennifer Redus very good. This situation and to be forced to "play along" is the worst allright. These touches are like brandings. Thanks for sharing. :(

@s.a.i.7223 3 жыл бұрын

@@MsLhuntMartinez79 Yes I can belive... Feel with you. Respect for having the courage to share.

@bukanfernanda 3 жыл бұрын

I opened up to a friend about a sexual assault experience and she asked me what did I do to stop it, and told me a bunch of things I could have done to prevent it. I told her I disassociated when it happened and she continued to tell me I should have respected myself enough to fight back. This video makes me feel relief but also very very sad that so many women go through the same thing. I hope we can all recover.

@kathrynnest1661 Жыл бұрын

The way that she responded to you was highly inappropriate. I’m so sorry that you had to go through that and then have to deal with a friend behaving like that too. Could you reach out to someone who is safe, a helpline, local support service?

@spannycat2 Жыл бұрын

I can relate. I told someone and he was disgusted I didn't report it. He said I was a bad person for not preventing the guy from abusing other women. ..... Seriously.

@fairoadiary Жыл бұрын

dump that friend… trash 🚮

@inevski 10 ай бұрын

Ignorance is good gaslighting and enabling.

@kaheaisaac1 7 ай бұрын

I'm sorry she responded like that :(

@Eli7owls 3 жыл бұрын

I can’t believe I’ve only just found this. My assault was several years ago, but I’ve never been fully able to forgive myself for freezing and going along with it.

@janiemaebeauty 3 жыл бұрын

Me too I was 16 then and I'm 37 now. Recently I chose to start believing. Blaming myself is not the answer. I really feel like it's helping but I'm not 100% sure how. I had to make this change because I feel like it kept me in a dark place all of these years. Now that I think of it....he stole some of my power but I'm taking it all back. I will put compassion and love in myself an place the blame right tf where it belongs. On him. He violated me. I hope God repays him tenfold. Period.

@steffnic13 2 жыл бұрын

Isn’t that the thing … not only do we have the trauma of the assault itself, we have the shame of the trauma response we had when it was freeze, fawn, or flight. …We didn’t fight, and now we carry all of that guilt on top of it all. I fawned and it makes me want to vomit that I even thought he could have enough humanity in him to respond to that. So, here we are unable to forgive ourselves and carrying that horrible burden. Taking their hate and violence into ourselves.

@Peace-tk3gr 2 жыл бұрын

Me too.

@TinaGlorioso 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for this video. It helps to explain the unexplainable and I don’t feel like it was my fault. My mind re-enacts situations with me having a gun and taking my power back because these days I’m so pissed by how many of us are attacked.

@KelseyHubley 2 жыл бұрын

It was not your fault. I hope you get the chance to forgive yourself. I'm so proud of you for saying it out loud. Sending so much love 💜

@LilMizRandom09 4 жыл бұрын

If this was public knowledge I think it would make a big dent in victim blaming.

@TherapyinaNutshell 4 жыл бұрын

This is my one video I wish would go viral ...I wish everyone knew about this

@disorganizedclutter5513 4 жыл бұрын

victim blaming doesn't make any rational sense yet it's people's go-to

@mobomba6206 3 жыл бұрын

It can't because anybody can just use this shit as an excuse...sad for the ones who really have to go through it

@jme9875 3 жыл бұрын

YES!!!! AGREE!!!! LET'S Make it PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE SO WE DO NOT EVER NEED TO FEEL LIKE THE "wacked out attention seeking drama "victims of life in general"=🙅🙅🙅🙅🙅 NO MEANS NO EVEN IF MOT SAID THIS IS AN EPIDEMIC I WISH TO DO ALL I CAN TO STOP!!! THIS IS NOT OKAY!!! PEOPLE SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO JUST GET AWAY WITH RAPE LIKE THIS LET ALONE THE "POWER CONTROL PSYCHOPATHS" AS MY PERPETRATOR WAS= SMILING AS HE WAS LITERALLY KICKING ME OUT OF HIS PLACE IT IS NOT OKAY FOR THESE EVIL PPL TO NOT ONLY GET AWAY W IT BUT TO DO IT TO ANYONE ELSE EVER AGAIN!!! LET ALONE HOW THEY ACTUALLY BOST IN PRIDE ABOUT "WHAT THEY DID" to you...ETC!!! Wishing #positivesupport to aLL who are or have EVER dealt or encountered ANYthing even close to this .... Being raped, that is. There is a logical name for it despite HOW MUCH YOUR OWN MIND MIGHT be trying to process and make sense out of the horrific nightmare you've endured hence as to why it keeps blaming you so to speak...ie= "how stupid could you be to believe those lies...how desperate are you...oh just another dramatically traumatizing event to add to your list of shame....., Blah BLAH blah! If anyone can reach out I would greatly appreciate it

@jacqslabz 2 жыл бұрын

And/or part of the training for cops and judges and everyone who is involved in the reporting of these crimes, so they aren't dismissive. So many people blame anyone who isn't logical at all times. We're humans, not computers: we don't use our logic at all times, never have, never will. Also, random thought: Why not have RAD and self defense classes be taught in high schools? Just call it part of gym class. If this is effecting 33% of women, why not just teach all women how to defend themselves in a safe manner? "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure"

@berenicegutierrez4603 4 жыл бұрын

Somehow comforting knowing that I wasn’t the only

@vanetiawellington1302 3 жыл бұрын

Me too. I am relieved to find that I am not the only one who even smiles and plays along out of fear of being hurt.

@micaelaperez6114 3 жыл бұрын

We Stand Together

@youtubename2560 3 жыл бұрын

Same, even though I'm a guy

@jme9875 3 жыл бұрын

Amen, I agree as I am reading through the comments There is NOTHING NEAR "OKAY" ABOUT THIS!! Prayers and positive support and empowering vibes going out to all who are reading OR going through this🙏🙏🙏

@CarolinHauser 3 жыл бұрын

Have you heard of Family Constellations?

@arunbissoon4630 3 жыл бұрын

I was sexually harassed both as a child and as a teenager. It took me over 6 years to finally speak up about it because all my life I thought just because I am a male, my experience didn't count. Regardless of gender, harassment and assault are exactly what they are.

@sunshinesunflowerz1647 2 жыл бұрын

I spoke up in my mid-to late 30’s.

@CrimeVictimsProtection 2 жыл бұрын

My dad sexually harassed me all my life !

@MB-nb7yq 2 жыл бұрын

Our society, whether we want to admit it or not, boys being sexually active is not frowned upon and it’s detrimental because many have been led to believe that even a 21 year old woman having relationships with a 15 year old boy isn’t rape 🤡 it’s just a boy “experimenting” 😒🤔

@punyashloka4946 Жыл бұрын

I am sorry 😞 hope you find peace and healing 🙏 stay strong.

@justinkyle4135 Жыл бұрын

my same exact situation. im 17. ive been sexually assulted all my life. both males and females. and i feel shame because im a male and i didnt fight back. i was 14 the last time and it kills me. if you have to talk about it or if it helps i know its crazy but dm me. anything helps and i understand where you come from

@nelebianga9097 4 жыл бұрын

Its been over half a year and I'm still like in this moment of shock whenever i see someone passing on the street who looks even remotely like him .. . I'm still struggling with my freeze/appease response but thank you for the video, crying rn

@sinnacarita 4 жыл бұрын

Same😔

@MeganMegsGarden 3 жыл бұрын

You aren’t alone I saw a guy who looked like him at a gas station turned white as a ghost and had a full blown panic attack and couldn’t explain myself until the

@Dani_marie_ 3 жыл бұрын

I felt this, I hate the feeling

@namenotfound0 3 жыл бұрын

i do the same thing...i see him in so many people and i become uneasy and sick. i end up either panicking and memories come rushing in and i begin crying quietly into my pillow wishing i could do something and to stop feeling

@IraqieGirl541 3 жыл бұрын

@@MeganMegsGarden Mine was in college with me, I thought I had seen him standing in my classroom and my gut literally sank, then I turned around to avoid entering my classroom with my classmates, no one noticed.

@abbeymosteller1159 4 жыл бұрын

I always though “if I had just MOVED! If I had just gotten away..” and I always beat myself up for not doing that. This video really helped me realize that it wasn’t my idea to not move, it was a instinctual habit. Thank you.

@siiiriously3226 3 жыл бұрын

yes totally! all the shame i carry, because i am usually very loud, and confident, and i am able to scream at people in various situations, and even did defend myself physically before, against a street harasser, so i had such a hard time BELIEVING that i couldnt do anything in the situation of my rape. i said no, but then when he continued i froze, i was so overwhealmed and startled and couldne believe he would do that, that i didnt move at all. and then i did coply, and theresore o struggled for years, now knowing if this was rape or not, becaue why didnt i scream, why didnt i hit him, etc... its a looong way of healing. i hope you are getting better every day! its not your fault!

@Stay_Unknown_ 3 жыл бұрын

@@siiiriously3226 i’m sorry to hear about your trauma.

@bellsm5350 3 жыл бұрын

@@siiiriously3226 that was rape! And it was not your fault. Glad to hear you're doing better!❤

@ariiixxxooo 2 жыл бұрын

This isn’t about SA. But all the other forms of abuse I got as a child I would say the exact same things but more like “if I had just said something or called the police, I wouldn’t have had to endure that trauma!” Why didn’t I do something about it?!” So I can relate.

@angelicfaithh2664 2 жыл бұрын

Me too, the self blame sits deep in the back of my mind. I can’t stand it

@ernestinemorrison2799 5 жыл бұрын

I dissociated and felt nothing I would call shame as I attempt 50 years later to put emotions onto my historical trauma.

@TherapyinaNutshell 5 жыл бұрын

Each person's response is different and that's ok. I certainly wouldn't want you to think that you should feel shame-good for you for doing the work now to put words/emotions to your experience.

@disorganizedclutter5513 4 жыл бұрын

same. i just feel choked, dead, numb suffocated apathetic, no motivation, no desire but no emotions, just dead inside. there is no "me", nothing that i can feel about myself. not sure if this is normal or if it's because im exhausted.

@annafelka4042 3 жыл бұрын

The same thing happened with me. I never felt bad or sad about what happened I just felt completely fine after and that added to me not reporting it or asking for help for years and years. I have never cried about what happened, and I cry over anything in really any other situation and if I try to feel bad about what happened the most I can feel is a bit grossed out. I didn’t even realize it had done anything to me until a partner I lived with pointed out that I blank out often and can’t hear if I’m stressed and I disassociate a lot. I didn’t even notice and now I’m in therapy trying to unravel it

@diabloakland 2 жыл бұрын

@@disorganizedclutter5513 i feel both of that, like i was i shock but i also feel traumatized and Laos apathy it’s hard

@TSWARD-xb9rk 2 жыл бұрын

Yes Ma’am. I believe you. And, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.

@bellsm5350 4 жыл бұрын

I'm crying rn. Cause this literally explains my experience. Less than 73hours ago. And I made a police statement and they kept asking when I said No and if it was "consensual but I just regret it." I didnt scream I couldn't say no. I tried to be nice. I smiled I said "dont do that" "lets stop now" "please don't "... I start to wonder with all the pain nd shame and discomfort was I consenting then?? I didnt want it tho. Thank you for teaching me that not consenting doesnt mean shouting or running away. It could mean being limp and still and being as nice as possible to deescalate possible force being used. UPDATE: (1 year later) I'm doing fine now. Better than fine. My family and friends have been a huge support and I now just keep my eyes forward on brighter days. Ofcourse I still have my low days. Within this year I pressed for a restraining order which is the bare minimum but was my decision rather than devoting years of energy &time pursuing a criminal conviction. I was successful. The officer I dealt with at the court when fighting for a restraining order, was super kind and apologized on behalf of all the policemen I had been in contact with up until that point that had failed to take the matter seriously or dealt with me with enough sensitivity. He said "They let me down". It was so soothing and rewarding hearing an apology and empathy and understanding from a man in power, especially a white man (Since my race/ethnicity seemed to be part of why I was originally doubted and Questionned with such skepticism.the officer who originally took my statement, after I said it was a relative- "Maybe it's something you do in your culture"🤢 ). The apology was a huge step in my healing. Knowing someone who didn't even know me believed me and fought for me. Overall I've learned so much from this experience. #1You can't trust everybody even family. Don't matter their age too, you may look up to them or see them as a protective figure meanwhile they have their own sick fantasies #2 Listen to your senses/instincts. Looking back there were signs of predatory nature and grooming occurring but I looked away thinking I might have interpreted it wrong or my innocent upbringing was reason some comments bothered me. #3 Fight back HARD! You don't have to play nice because you're worried about "hurting them". THEY ARE WRONG! NOT YOU & THEY KNOW EAXCTLY WHAT THEY'RE DOING! #4 It can happen to anyone. You could be wearing the most modest clothing, you could be in the "safest"place and completely sober. #5 I'm stronger than I ever thought. It's a club no one wants to be a part of and I never thought I would be. But I'm proud to be a Survivor!! And I can see how God protected me from the worst so I'm thankful.

@TherapyinaNutshell 4 жыл бұрын

So sorry you had that experience. That is sexual assault. Look for local support and help,

@bellsm5350 4 жыл бұрын

@@TherapyinaNutshell thank you and I'll try still processing it rn

@disorganizedclutter5513 4 жыл бұрын

my abuser acts like my "no" is something playful and keeps fighting me. it seems like he's convinced himself that there's nothing wrong with taking me over and owning me like that. it's confusing. the reality is that he's killing my soul although my physical body is still there. how can he not see that? there has to be something wrong with someone that does that to another person. there's definitely something spiritually wrong with them. i feel like he must be dead inside himself to destroy the soul of another and feel he's done nothing wrong. maybe he's disconnected with himself, so even though he wants to be a good person, his true instinct and desire is to disempower me so that he can own me.

@TherapyinaNutshell 4 жыл бұрын

@@disorganizedclutter5513 that sounds like an awful situation, can you leave?

@disorganizedclutter5513 4 жыл бұрын

@@TherapyinaNutshell really, finances are the biggest barrier, but I've been too ill to maintain employment. and rent is very expensive where i live. i've tried making it on my own but it exacerbated my illness.

@paolacioccke6893 2 жыл бұрын

You helped me forgive 16 year old me for freezing. Thank you so much

@babybijou969 Жыл бұрын

💚

@chill3346 3 ай бұрын

I was 19 I’m so sad I’m 23 and I’m still going thru this

@AnimHugs 3 ай бұрын

Same

@jasoncowell5133 5 жыл бұрын

Those in the legal/ law sector need to understand this so when they report and defend these people that they themselves do not inadvertently add to the trauma. Being confused about the incident is not a sign of lying but often a sign of fragmentation of our the narrative of the incident.

@TherapyinaNutshell 5 жыл бұрын

Yes! Absolutely!

@bellsm5350 4 жыл бұрын

Yes

@disorganizedclutter5513 4 жыл бұрын

once when i confronted my abuser about what he was doing, he said, "but you have memory problems." That was his defense. i think he was trying to imply that i was confused because of my memory, trying to suggest it wasn't actually abuse or something.

@ashpterodactyl 3 жыл бұрын

Yes!!!! I have such a hard time explaining things that happened to me because I don't fully remember what actually happened, I just remember the feelings and wanting to not be there.

@siiiriously3226 3 жыл бұрын

@@disorganizedclutter5513 this is called gaslighting, it helped me A LOT to learn more about that and the concept of narcisstic abuse. you can heal! all the best.

@joyduncan14 4 жыл бұрын

5% of rape victims tell the police....? Oh my word. This makes me want to cry.

@girl-gx2ls Жыл бұрын

They treat victims like the culprit and sometimes don’t even follow up or reach out to the guy if they don’t feel like the case will be a slam dunk. It’s really quite traumatizing!

@laurieford6373 Жыл бұрын

😢😢

@hobomike6935 11 ай бұрын

5% of police are sexually assaulted by the other 95% 🤷‍♂️

@qaenglish 9 ай бұрын

Well, some of the rapists are police officers.

@worlaliawakame762 6 ай бұрын

It took me 3 months to gather courage to say it. As a man it was too embarrassing

@Vainashell 3 жыл бұрын

I froze and waited 20 years before sharing with my family. I watched this man intertwine himself in my parent’s lives, home and business. I knew, but chose to trick my mind to ignore and forget. One day 20 years later, my mom called him a saint. I snapped and told the truth. It didn’t make me feel better. My body could not stop shaking. I became enraged, I felt guilty and almost regretted sharing the the truth. My parents immediately vowed to cut all ties after he had been in their social circle after 30 years of friendship. I figuratively froze for 20 years. Defrosting is uncomfortable too. Truth.♥️

@heide-raquelfuss5580 Жыл бұрын

Wow. Your parents cut ties with that man, after you told them your horrible story? Most parents are not so nice. To be 'frozen' so long...and keeping the secret so long...and dealing with this assh@le for so long. Horrible. Just uggghh. I hope so much good for you.

@pamelahollingshead2045 Жыл бұрын

@@heide-raquelfuss5580 I can relate! I had a similar experience over 30 years ago.

@MonikaDaddarwal 4 ай бұрын

i can relate so much with "ignore and forget" but never being able to do so.

@adityakshirsagar5383 13 күн бұрын

These so called saints are womanizers and psychics, stay away from them.

@izyaboicallume 3 жыл бұрын

The sad part is that there is little help given to males who are victims of these types of assults. if they ever find out that I'm a victim. They would make fun of me, call me weak, call me gay, and therfore I always just have to keep it to myself.

@fartun90 3 жыл бұрын

No you don’t have to. Please seek help and speak to someone. You can heal and you will if you choose so. All the best to you

@delainawilliams4063 3 жыл бұрын

Yes this is a huge issue and it needs awareness because thousands, probably millions of men could get help and destigmatize assault for everyone. When men and women stand together we are more powerful. We’re all more vulnerable alone.

@MelinEvie 3 жыл бұрын

I absolutely understand your point, I was mocked for admitting my assault before, because the person listening to me couldn't understand why I complied, they told me I wasn't in danger. I might not have been but my brain read it that way and still reacted the way it did. I wanted to never talk about it again after that happened but I ended up doing so and it helped me a lot. You will be able to find someone able to understand. So while assessing your community for your own safety, try and find other options. A therapist is a good choice usually. They're a professional and trained to help. Some are still assholes but usually they're a lot safer. And if they're s absolutely no-one out there you can talk to me or other people on the internet. Just communicating it in any way is helping you process what happened and that's just as important for a man as for any other person. I wish you the best of luck out there. Please know that it wasn't your fault and try and be kind to yourself.

@katharoskalos8224 3 жыл бұрын

I read it takes an average of 16 years for a man to come forward.

@Ldeos 3 жыл бұрын

@@fartun90 Thats asuming someone will listen. You dont get it :/

@anak5183 4 жыл бұрын

When saying No and hitting dont work you only have a freeze response. I am still dealing with the trauma.

@TherapyinaNutshell 4 жыл бұрын

So sorry to hear that, find a local support group of therapy, healing is possible :)

@s.a.i.7223 3 жыл бұрын

Yes what else can you do then? It is a kind of emergency stop of the body. I still deal with it too. :(

@jesss59 4 жыл бұрын

I have always had a very paralyzing freeze response. I hated freezing. It made me feel so weak and people constantly joked about it. Then one day my younger sister decided to sneak out one night and realized if she came through the front door she’d be in a lot of trouble. So she decided to come in through my window. I was awaken in the middle of the night to what I thought was a stranger entering through my window and I couldn’t move. I couldn’t scream. I couldn’t even breath. That’s when I decided never again. I started working on building my reflexes. After the initial freeze I forced myself to scream, hit, move, anything. I did this for years. I still get made fun of because my reflexes are a little slow. I get startled and I scream after a second or two delay, but at least I can scream. And that’s honestly all that matters to me.

@cherylwilsherlimberlife7210 4 жыл бұрын

Hey thank you for sharing, I hope you continue to thrive. I've been stuck in freeze for nearly 3years now. Could you tell me how you worked on your reflexes? My digestion feels shut off and cold all the time & I need help

@siiiriously3226 3 жыл бұрын

@@cherylwilsherlimberlife7210 i recommend the youtub channel of irene lyon, she is a nervous system expert. check out her content! you can heal! your body is made to heal, eventhough its so tough.

@vangoghsotherear4114 3 жыл бұрын

I started doing something similar once i realized how much i freeze in life as a result of my ptsd but now i lash out at times and i never used to be an angry or aggressive person. I found i was angry with myself mostly for not fighting back in the past and now I’m fighting imaginary predators now that he real ones are gone and it’s too late to do anything about it. I hope to get better. I have gotten better. But some days are not as good as other days. But I’m not ashamed anymore.

@queengoblin 3 жыл бұрын

I scream when I'm startled on purpose too bc it releases that pent up energy that freeze won't let out of your body. It helps a lot.

@katharoskalos8224 3 жыл бұрын

don't forget freezing is a completely valid response and helps to keep you alive so you don't want to eradicate the response completely

@backyardfunwithsimone9213 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for explaining the Freeze Response. My father actually had to watch Russian soldiers raping a woman (he was 7 at the time). He told me the woman that tried to run away got shot in the back and died, the other one got raped but survived. I have taken several martial arts classes which definitely makes me more confident. One time a man followed me into the women's bathroom at the beach. It was early morning, still dark and nobody else around. I was peeing as I heard the steps draw closer and closer and finally the man stood in the doorway of the bathroom stall I was in (the stalls didn't have doors back then). I felt this raging anger inside of myself (it almost seemed like all the raped and assaulted women in the entire world came together in me) and I shouted at the top of my lungs: "OUT, NOW!!" and he left. Confidence does make a difference but it takes practice. Also, energetically, a timid person may look like a better target than a confident one...

@babybijou969 Жыл бұрын

Yes. Predators want easy targets, they (normally) do not want to engage in a fight. You are a mighty being! Thank you for this example. I’m sorry this happened to you. You handled it brilliantly 💚

@houndmother2398 10 ай бұрын

I think what you mention might be a part of this. If you freeze during a rape, you can survive it. You can survive a rape. If you fight back and they fight harder, they can kill you. And if you're dead, you're dead. The freezing is a survival tool.

@adityakshirsagar5383 13 күн бұрын

You are a warrior

@Damon9 4 жыл бұрын

The guy would tell me “I love you” , “lets move in together”, “I’ll marry you when we are older”. And then he’d do what he’d wanted. I wanted to be cared for but not in that way.... I’d just lay there hoping it would end quickly.

@abby-hq4gr 3 жыл бұрын

that last part really got me. I feel that literally every time. ugh

@JenovaRain Жыл бұрын

I hear this so deeply

@deegirl6994 8 ай бұрын

So sorry. What did you do for all the anger that is in you dur to the incident

@destinypoissant1465 5 ай бұрын

Good woman

@TrialTappersMentalHealthTips 3 жыл бұрын

Freezing. A normal response to an abnormal situation. As a child male victim it did save my life during the assault. Treatment works to overcome the shame and to find your inner strength and personal power. Thanks for your work.

@vanetiawellington1302 3 жыл бұрын

I actually smiled and tried to comfort my attacker. It made no sense now that I look back at it but in my head at the time I was just afraid of what he might do if I tried to run and I was afraid of the shame I would experience if I created a scene. Everyday I live with guilt because I didn't fight back and I struggle with confusion about my response.

@diabloakland 2 жыл бұрын

I did that too and idk why! And my husband is mad at me. It’s like i was conditioned to be polite i hate it

@diabloakland 2 жыл бұрын

I am angry at myself so much

@lanabee2732 2 жыл бұрын

I relate to this so much. I felt so much shame and confusion about why I responded the way I did for so long. We need to give ourselves the same kindness and compassion that we would give to each other. We aren't alone

@jackierobinson8785 2 жыл бұрын

Or if they take your clothes and shoes to keep you from running. And put you in the trunk of your grandpa's car to inspect the goods and then drive you to a more secluded spot. But when I thought it was over it wasn't! My mother told me if I didn't shut up about it she would have them (grandpa and his two drinking buddies) come back and take me away again. How can you run away then when the world is so unsafe. Yet home is the worst of all. It's taken me a lifetime to retrace my steps. Thank goodness for these life saving survivalustic measures that take over to keep you alive...

@rachel1ando 2 жыл бұрын

I did the same thing

@melodylalrinnungi2562 Жыл бұрын

I have been assaulted and whenever I speak up to someone about it, their first response was " why didn't you shout? " why don't you just run away?" "why don't you push them hard enough or fight back hard enough?" . It was almost as if they are saying I was ok with whatever was going on with me. I wasn't, i didn't want it, my body just shut down .

@nonoson4167 7 ай бұрын

Exactly

@kaheaisaac1 7 ай бұрын

I know it's frustrating

@IrhaButt-xx7ks 5 ай бұрын

Dear just few days back I faced sexual assault and I thought in office be frank behavior it's normal but he was a monster I froze tht moment but thank God I pushed back that monster but yes I faced assault which I can't tell my family coz even family never ever believed these things are quite normal but yes we are fighters we r

@Kayachlata 3 жыл бұрын

For years, I felt that if i had just been more assertive and said no, I could have prevented my assault. This video made me look back and realize that it really wasn't my fault. I had nowhere to run, I couldn't fight without risking my life and I complied to his every word. I always blamed myself for this compliance, I never thought it was part of a freeze response out of my control. I feel like a burden has been lifed off me, like I can forgive myself.

@saa1094 3 жыл бұрын

I’ve always heard of “fight or flight, never of “freeze/appease”. I always thought there was something terribly wrong with me for always freezing, giving up, and dissociating. It’s been about a week since I spent three weeks being horribly sexually assaulted/abused/used by someone I thought a trusted friend, and that is after recurrent sexual abuse in childhood and two different assaults in my young adult years. I can’t describe in words how helpful it is to learn about the freeze/appease survival mode (and CPTSD & the polyvagal theory). Thank you so very much for sharing and explaining.

@wren1114 2 жыл бұрын

Paul Walker writes wonderfully about trauma. He uses term fawn to describe how some might respond to trauma including emotional trauma in same way as freeze fight flee & freeze & appease. Hoping you’re getting really well trained care.

@saa1094 2 жыл бұрын

@@wren1114 thank you; I am still looking for a properly trained, qualified, and experienced therapist that takes my insurance, and am also researching and learning anything I can about healing/recovery that I can handle alone without becoming overwhelmed. It is a hard line to stay balanced on.

@KA-mq4wj 8 ай бұрын

I am in my 50’s and just recently realized I was sexually assaulted in high school. I didn’t know how to properly process it at the time because I was sexually abused twice before this incident and nothing was done. Your brain protects you and puts it in the DO NOT DISTURB part of your brain. When I see other women or men victims come out with their sexual assault story decades later, I understand and believe them.

@alexisdondawest4152 5 ай бұрын

Same. No one got me help when it first happened and when I got a little older I was revictimized over and over.

@EYRM9 23 күн бұрын

@ellagage1256 3 жыл бұрын

Back when I first started transitioning in college, I was sexually assaulted by a guy way smaller and weaker than me. He pinned me to a water fountain and started kissing and groping me, despite me being strong enough to push him off of me. I could've it earlier... but I froze. After I kind of registered what had happened to me, I starting beating myself up over it. "Well I should have done something about it" or "Real women wouldn't of been as lucky as you". I still sometimes struggle to remind myself that it wasn't my fault, but this video has really helped me... so thank you ❤

@hamburgerhamburger4491 3 жыл бұрын

I don’t get how people can be so cruel, people like you deserve better than that. I am super sorry this has happened to you before, stay strong no matter what tries to stop you in life. One advice in life is you were born to be strong, many things in life try to stop you. But if you fight it off you are strong.

@medalgear654 4 жыл бұрын

I related to this video so much. after it happened I felt ashamed of my body like some one had just taken a brown crayon and drew all over it and cut scares into it. I remember going home and having an hour shower just scrubbing my self thinking if I did that it would erase what happened. it took me a very long time to even look at my body in the mirror . to this day I still have issues with looking at my self. I feel dirty as if some one took my dignity away. :(

@blakestone6629 4 жыл бұрын

I am so very sorry that this happened to you. Please, PLEASE, get help from a crisis center, if you have not already done this. It is SO important to understand that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Also, this is ALL THE FAULT OF YOUR ATTACKER! I am also certain that a good therapist will help you through this. Lastly, please turn to the good Lord, He really does care about you.

@disorganizedclutter5513 4 жыл бұрын

@@blakestone6629 where can one find a good therapist? mine just disregard it, as if it's no big deal. i can't get these bad feelings out of me and they don't care.

@disorganizedclutter5513 4 жыл бұрын

i'm not sure if this is like your experience, but my body feels like dead flesh and disgusting. i don't think of it as shame though, although i can't say i feel good about myself either. i just feel like nasty flesh. i scratch myself to try to get some sensation in my body.

@hellolizzie000 4 жыл бұрын

This is EXACTLY how I felt too

@deplorabledixie2834 3 жыл бұрын

@@disorganizedclutter5513 Go to Sandra Rolus channel on YT..she has guided meditations to release/heal this type of trauma that are life changing if you can commit to yourself to do them daily. Please come back and let me know if it helped. I am praying for you.

@mirthadarby4041 3 жыл бұрын

My beautiful survivor brothers and sisters, consider yourselves hugged. I so understand your stories.

@u-knobreezy4035 4 жыл бұрын

I froze. I could’ve yelled out for my aunt to wake up but I was scared and ashamed. I’m still ashamed that I didn’t tell. And he still is around my city. I still tell myself it wasn’t that bad because he didn’t penetrate me he just touched me. But yet even typing that makes my stomach muscles tighten. I still hate him. Have not forgiven him. Now I’m an overbearing mother always suspecting ppl are trying to harm my kids.

@s.a.i.7223 3 жыл бұрын

You feel it like that and then it was like you feel. For me it would not have been rape in a juridical sense too because only beeing touched and threatend and pinned down etc... but not penetrated somehow (my predator was female btw.). But for me it felt like rape. So for me I sometimes call it rape because that is what I felt and it feels as sick as you say.

@deplorabledixie2834 3 жыл бұрын

God bless you for doing all you can to keep your kids safe from predators.

@julesm3903 3 жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. my problem is I don't even know who the person is. I wish I knew.

@AJ-lm5rh 3 жыл бұрын

I am way over protective of my kids now!!!

@Lashaytingz 3 жыл бұрын

Hey this is exactly what happened to me a few days ago I froze after he left I told my family I still feel like I should've reacted a different way bc thts what some of my family told me🤦🏽‍♀️

@salishanmusic Жыл бұрын

I’m glad the freeze and fawn responses is getting talked about more. I used to beat myself up over not fighting back enough but I guess part of being a survivor is making those tough calls. Also growing up around DV might have influenced me freezing. Sometimes fighting back gets you more hurt. Sometimes you’re too scared or sometimes you’re just too tired to fight back. Whatever it is it’s not your fault. I know that sounds fake but once you stop bullying yourself and pretending it wasn’t a big deal you’re that much closer to feeling more yourself.

@EllieGraham-we1tj Жыл бұрын

I confided in a good friend what had happened to me. She responded with "You let him do that to you?". That question has shamed me and messed with my head for 25 years.

@user-fd5tb4tg2t 6 ай бұрын

Sorry this happened to you

@Phobicsleaguechannel333 2 жыл бұрын

my gf has been r4ped over 15 times, i clicked 5 videos about recovering from this and i guess i have a lot to learn and take some notes, hope she will get better soon

@kelseyweiser3067 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for posting this seriously I’ve been beating myself up for way too long

@siiiriously3226 3 жыл бұрын

it is not your fault, Kelsey! IT IS JUST NOT.

@hamburgerhamburger4491 3 жыл бұрын

It’s okay, it’s not your fault. I hope you get back to your normal happy self, I am gonna pray for you and all victims who went through such a thing like this. Don’t hurt urself, you are perfect.

@angelinac5009 4 жыл бұрын

This really got to me because when it had happened to me I tried to say no and stop but I could barely mutter it out I just froze completely and smiled hoping it would be over soon and I thought for the longest time it was my fault for not moving the cops even told me that I should have moved or ran but i just couldn't

@TherapyinaNutshell 4 жыл бұрын

So sorry that happened to you, it's not your fault! this was your body's deepest instinct to help you survive and it is almost impossible to override. Find a support group in your area, healing is real

@bensmith8957 3 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry that happened

@manishamt 4 жыл бұрын

This video needs at least a million views. Sharing with as many people as I can. Thank you!

@CeliaTyree 2 жыл бұрын

Processing my traumas years after they happened and this video brought me to tears.

@RaphaelWahba 3 жыл бұрын

Emma thank you so much for making this video. I grew up with mental, physical, emotional, sexual, and verbal abuse all of my life by relatives and at school and at church. I experience what you’re talking about a hundred percent. Only if my parents could listen, it would mean a lot...... Childhood emotional neglect can leave deep scars and I’m a big believer that Jesus cares and he’s always there for you anytime to talk to him. I just want everyone to know that they are amazing and that if anyone is going through any struggles in life, I just want you to know that Jesus loves you and he is always there for you. God bless ❤️❤️❤️

@lolarodriguez9284 3 жыл бұрын

I always freeze in situations. I was abused even before i could talk. I feel my mother ruined my chance at life. Its extremely hard to be a normal person like everyone else. Im extremely sensitive and feel like an outcast

@arbizu27 3 жыл бұрын

Omg I am so Sorry . I can relate to that but don’t give up🙏

@wellrideuponanomnibus2536 2 жыл бұрын

You're no outcast, I tell u! Please don't let yourself think so! Or even if your brain tries to persuade you that it's so, still you should realise , that things are not always so, as you may think they are! You're strong , and I send you all my support and love ❤❤❤

@anonymous_0227 Жыл бұрын

Same here , my mother thinks its all my fault that I didn't tried to stop him.I can't.

@PinkyMcGee1 5 ай бұрын

I grew up hearing 'no means no', and I didn't think my assault was an assault because I didn't say no or fight back. I didn't know why I couldn't move or speak or fight. I've had sleep paralysis nightmares ever since. I never thought of 'freezing' as a way of my brain protecting me. Thank you for your insight.

@EYRM9 23 күн бұрын

@cynthiaberger5595 2 жыл бұрын

I just discovered this site and it’s been so helpful. When I was assaulted, It was so traumatic that I actually left my body and watched from a distance. For a long time I was ashamed and felt guilty that I didn’t fight back. It helps to think of my reaction as my brain’s effort to keep me alive. Thanks for this video and all the others that cover ongoing anxiety and PTSD. ❤️

@yashny 4 жыл бұрын

I always think of reacting but then when the moment comes I just freeze doing nothing

@ices3456 3 жыл бұрын

So it happens often then right?

@ices3456 3 жыл бұрын

Two words pepper spray.

@amadeon827 4 жыл бұрын

I’m in real tears right now. Still coping from my assault of two years ago. I remember the moment I went to report it. I wasn’t believed the moment I reported

@eviekuehne9745 3 жыл бұрын

This helped me so much, and looking back I realized my brain saved my life. I’m brought to tears because it explained and helped me understand my situation.

@mariovo5 4 жыл бұрын

💚 For all the men and women that are survivors. She mentioned about self defense classes, I will follow up with my case worker and maybe she can recomend a training site.

@tabbyczechowski4671 2 жыл бұрын

This is exactly what happens when you’ve suffered from any situation that put you in survival mode. I’m sending ❤️❤️ To all of you.

@jaelynescobar1668 Жыл бұрын

thank you for this. i always beat myself up for freezing up. "if only id fought back""

@elizabethpodboy4124 3 жыл бұрын

This just happened to me where a massage guy gave me many unwanted sexual advances crossing professional boundaries and i just froze, then was being all nice and polite "playing along untill escape" i finally got him to leave my house a hour later. Once he left i told myself off for not being strong and standing up for myself, blamed myself for his behaviour as he must of 'sensed' my weakness. This video has helped me alot. Im not damaged and not alone in this🙏

@queengoblin 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you. I keep running my assault over and over in my head wondering why I went along with it when I didn't want it. Now I know tht my intuition that it was a defense mechanism was accurate. Thank you so much.

@stephanierenee710 Жыл бұрын

I’ve been having series of anxiety attacks for a couple days. Listening to you talk about triggers, trauma and how the brain and the body react has made me feel so much better. I was finally able to get my breathing controlled. I started yawning and actually felt more relaxed than I have in days! Maybe I can get some sleep now. Thank you so much for your channel 🤗

@middleearth8809 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for this talk. You have no idea how healing your words are. God Bless you.

@grace_koh Жыл бұрын

I was molested years ago in the midst of so many people I knew. I froze, and never knew why I did. I blamed myself for letting him get away with it. I'm so thankful I came across this video.

@regulardude7961 2 жыл бұрын

I am a 48 year old male. I suppressed this event for 40 years until December, 2021: At 7, I fought against my rapist (mom's boyfriend at the time, whom she later married, and stayed with until her death 7 years ago). I fought him with all my strength, every moment. After it was over, I shouted "I hate you!" I had never created that much hatred before than in that moment. The ultimate betrayal. Later that day, I told my mother. She said I was lying and making it up. She even said "He's so nice to you; why are you so mean to him?" after not believing me and saying I made up this terrible thing. I almost told my dad and stepmother when I returned to their house, but I had and always had a terrible relationship with them, so I decided not to. I kept it to myself. Pretended it never happened. My older brother committed suicide 11 years ago. Now I know why. I still believe in fighting the whole time rather than going along with the attack. From what I have heard, the ones that don't fight back blame themselves their entire lives, except in very few cases where the person learns to go from victim to victorious. It's by far the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. The perpetrator wants the victim to believe it was their fault. In the case of children, they get the child to even believe it was their (the child's) idea in the first place! For those that didn't fight back, IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT. For those that believe it was their idea in the first place, IT WASN'T. Your immature mind was tricked by an adult predator. If hell exists, there's a special place in it for rapists of children.

@eg-draw 2 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry to hear that you have to deal with this. I know that you feel my mother didn't believe me either. She said "if you didn't scream and fight then it doesn't count". You're right we aren't guilty of what happened to us but I can't stop thinking about every single thing I did and did not at that day. Can't stop blaming myself. Thank you for another reminder that it's not victim's fault. I hope you feel better now

@worlaliawakame762 6 ай бұрын

Unforgivable

@TheAndreasMethod 4 жыл бұрын

This message needs to taught to everybody in school! Thank you for explaining it so well.

@mctutlenugget5123 4 жыл бұрын

I got sexually assisted by my friend I just froze and my teacher told me to just forget about it and move on and I told my friends and they laughed and said why didn’t you do anything and I said I froze and they laughed again

@bella-hy3gd 3 жыл бұрын

i’m so sorry ,you deserve much better sending u love & joy

@ices3456 3 жыл бұрын

Your teacher failed you was supposed to call the police

@delainawilliams4063 3 жыл бұрын

All of the adults that fail us are apart of the problem and the trauma. Reaching out for help takes courage and it’s heart breaking never to receive help..

@lucaxb1651 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much, we need to spread the awareness. I stumbled across this video after having no clue how to help a friend who has been struggling for years unable to mentally break free. It is so bad that she has been contemplating suicide. Grateful to you and others out there spreading awareness and how to break free from these bonds created by their perpetrators.

@yoyoyo5621 4 жыл бұрын

i played along because I was terrified and thought if they're brash enough to sexually assault or rape me they'd be okay to kill me. So I did't show my emotion and smiled and acted fake so I can secure my escape because i didn't want to be vulnerable more than I actually was... I didn't want to rattle the basket case..I just wanted to appease them and get out of there safe

@TherapyinaNutshell 4 жыл бұрын

That sounds like a freeze response to me. Find a local support group or get some support, you can heal

@BleghValkyrie 4 жыл бұрын

I could never bring myself to call it what it was (rape) because my response was to freeze. It's happened three times in my life. The first was a co-operation after saying no and realising I wasn't being heard. The second was when I had started to feel pain and asked to stop. I was completely ignored and it become more aggressive, so I froze. The third time, it was consensual during the night, with protection and then I woke up to being pinned down, unprotected. My perspective (rationalisation) is, if I had fought back, then I could call it rape from the get go and I was scared that it would make it more traumatising, even though it was traumatic and it was rape regardless of my response. It's effected so many aspects of my life and I remember telling friends and they asked, why didn't you tell them to fuck off. They could not understand my response, which made me feel I couldn't call it rape and that I was weak. The worst thing is, I cannot trust myself to avoid putting myself in similar situations again in the future. It's fucked and noone ever talks about this 😭 Edit: plus, i was also scared, because I never fought back, these men don't know what they've done. The first one apologised to me 10 years later, which was liberating to know he knew it himself.

@claudiab.9022 3 жыл бұрын

I am so so sorry about all of this

@s.a.i.7223 3 жыл бұрын

Hey @RubyKay. I understand that guilt feelings very good. I heared of many survivors of rape having them and I had too for a long time. But belive me this freeze response is a kind of resistance too. You weren´t weak. You showed a very natural and normal resonse in a situation you realized you can´t deal with because it is too horrible and you had no chance to come out. That is really nothing that make it your fault nor minmalizes the crime of your rapist. You have the right to call it rape and the right for justice. Look I fought back at first and then froze. So it was what it was... In my eyes I feel RAPED. And you got raped too. And for that is no apologzize. It is the fault of our assaultants and freezing is no consent.

@s.a.i.7223 3 жыл бұрын

@@lokeshmsit1 Hi, ok I understand your arguments. Maybe in such a situation it is important for both sides to talk before. I think it is not easy to work on the weakness because it´s like a reflex. I for example tried to resist that freezing process for a time from "inside" and then it is "more difficult to dissociate" if you maybe understand what I said and makes it worse. But freezing goes on. It is like if your skin is something strange that only covers you and makes you unable to move. Body numb but inside furious. You know what I mean? I think it is good to talk to each other before because you are correct men or women are not psychologists but we have to find a way to avoid that situations together I am sure. Partners can work TOGETHER on it. You know how I mean? :)

@emmebeaute 3 жыл бұрын

Your rationalization is exactly the same as mine re: fighting back would make it rape and from the get-go. Thank you so much for sharing and I'm with you. We are not alone. You are strong. This was very brave for you to post.

@trrishp 2 жыл бұрын

@@lokeshmsit1 It's not a freakin' weakness. It is a survival strategy that is not consciously chosen. The #1 goal of the nervous system is our survival, NOT saving us from sexual assault. After the fact, we can learn to practice what we wish we could have done. It may or may not kick in if we are again in an assault situation. But it will give us a mobilizing response to practice that will help us avoid freeze in less dangerous situations.

@pianobysarochka728 3 жыл бұрын

I was in a relationship with a sexually assaulted guy . I loved him so much and I cared for him , I helped him all the time because I knew how hard his life was when he was a child but guess what ? Once , I asked him " if your future wife got angry and you're no longer interested in her what would you do ?" He replied " I would rape her .." . After that i was traumatized as hell and got scared af ,I mean , imagine if i married with him and he did that to me or to my child what would i do then huh ?! He was most of the time selfish and rude with me , he also used to send me nudes photos of unknown girls , i told him stop it ! I'm not comfortable with it ! I just wanted him to be safe but he's mentally ill , I guess he needs psychiatrist help . I broke up with him 3 weeks ago because I'm done !

@delainawilliams4063 3 жыл бұрын

Rape creates survivors and abusers. It’s sick. It’s a epidemic. He should be ashamed for wanting to inflict that pain on anyone knowing how much it hurts mentally, emotionally and physically.

@deplorabledixie2834 3 жыл бұрын

Please don't let him back into your life for any reason even if he makes you feel sorry for him again. He sounds like a dangerous psychopath.

@pianobysarochka728 3 жыл бұрын

@@delainawilliams4063 I know my friend , No one should wish that on someone else .

@pianobysarochka728 3 жыл бұрын

@@deplorabledixie2834 Yes you're absolutely right ! I'm doing great without him in my life . And I won't communicate with him again no matter what . I removed him from my memory long ago happily .

@nursetinalouise 2 жыл бұрын

Wow! good job believing him when he told/showed you who he was

@buddyscott3490 3 жыл бұрын

This is one of the best videos. I love watching these to help me cope .

@coreykuefler-terweeme7268 2 жыл бұрын

I was repeated sexually assaulted by a guy for several months back in 2019. I can relate to the freeze response. I blamed myself for not fighting back as much. Sometimes I’d fight back but I got to the point of submissive. I felt weak and ashamed and didn’t know how to leave that toxic abusive relationship. I still struggle with I think is PTSD and relate to many of the symptoms. Not officially diagnosed but still worried about my mental health.

@befreenowllc3365 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for posting this video! It is really helping me with my journey to healing. God bless you :)

@stefaninyai9481 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you. I needed this video. I hated myself for not being able to defense myself, but now I know it's all my brain instinct to keep me alive. This video is the first step if getting better, hopefully I can start on being proud and love myself again.

@ikunnamok Ай бұрын

For 20 years, I felt so ashamed of myself for not fighting back and calling for help, that I never told anyone about my experience. What a relief to learn about the freeze response and get a heavy load off my shoulder.

@EYRM9 23 күн бұрын

leave it in God’s Hands,He will repay. “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” _ Romans 12:19-21 “shows that many people bring bad upon themselves: "The one who diligently seeks to do good seeks favor, But the one searching for bad-that is what will surely come upon him". _Proverbs 11:27

@haleydoe2279 3 жыл бұрын

My ex's new wife said to me, "if you were being raped, why were you smiling in the photos"? I feel heard.

@delainawilliams4063 3 жыл бұрын

Because pretending like everything is okay is to protect ourselves from even more conflict until we can seek help.

@rebekahlafever333 2 жыл бұрын

I was a female bartender a 100yrs ago when it was like the wild west. I got good at giving a karate chop to the throat, then moved to a stun gun to save my hand. I carried that gun for years afterwards. I retrained my response of Necessity.I learned the hard way. I'm safe now... ... Thank you so much... ...🎼💙 Valuable information 4 sure!

@shea5542 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for addressing both parts of not blaming yourself but still taking steps to protecting yourself. You rock

@vanifarron 2 жыл бұрын

You have no idea how validating this was for me. Thank you

@msangieluzu 3 жыл бұрын

I had no idea that what I was feeling had an actual term , I just felt like something was wrong with me that I responded the way that I did or mentally taken over or dominated - I felt like I was in a hijacked situation , there was definitely a “ just playing a a few along” in order to survive mechanism in order to survive and this person was my so-called friend

@nikkijean235 3 жыл бұрын

This made me feel so much better. Thank you ! So so much 🙏💕. I always beat myself up about not going off or punching the smuckk like everyday. Growing up I wasn’t allowed to say no and got in trouble for stupid shit also my parents didn’t go over boundaries that much but I still learned ab boundaries kinda and just feel so dumb. I know now but I still feel disrespected and invaded also sick that they got away with it.

@user-zu3vx2rw6g Жыл бұрын

You are doing such a magnificent job uploading videos like these. I do not know how to thank you enough.

@sxfnlc 2 жыл бұрын

This KZfaq channel and all you are doing is so incredibly beautiful and miraculous. Thank you

@donatlola5186 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much! This is such an important video for me and a lot of other women and men. I had a scary sexual assault experience last night with a man who is about 40 years older, and he touched me inappropriately and he asked me very very personal sexual questions, and I was all by myself. I started panicking, felt sick and I took a walk, luckily he let me do that by myself, and called my boyfriend who was concerned told me to please leave right away. But then when I wanted to leave the man asked if he had done something that made me feel uncomfortable and then I told him and he felt very guilty and seemed pretty devastated and sorry. He has a daughter my age, so he said he would've never thought of a sexual relationship between the two of us. Now the problem here is, I always see the best in people, literally no matter what they do to me. So in that moment I was the one feeling guilty. I thought, maybe it was just cultural differences, maybe it wasn't that bad and you are making a big thing out of it. But I am still trying to let go of this thought and not blame myself, but him. It was not okay, what he did. It was not normal what he did. I am just so happy I talked to him about it and stepped up and left. My boyfriend even drove there after he hadn't heard of me for 5 minutes and when I saw him when I drove home, I felt safe. Girls and guys, please talk to others about your experience. I know myself, it is hard to response to sexual assault in that right moment, hard to step up. Hard to leave. But please, whatever you do, dont feel ashamed. You did absolutely nothing wrong, you simply existed and it was not that person's right to threaten you, or invade your personal space! I hope you all can cope well! I am trying, but I am also still only at the beginning. Stay safe ❤️ if you feel uncomfortable with a person in the first place, please don't meet up with them alone. I learned the hard way, that our bodies tell us pretty well when we should or should not do something or go somewhere. Thank you again, for this video! It helped to feel less guilty.

@EliYtter 3 жыл бұрын

You don’t even know how much this helped me 😭😭😭 a month ago I suffered a sexual harassment experience n the train. A man was showing me his genital. I freeze and I didn’t do anything when the numbness of my legs finally passed I looked for help but they couldn’t find the guy. I’ve been blaming myself so much for not reacting in the moment. And this explanation was very much needed. 🙏🏼❤️

@FloridaGulfCoastLife Жыл бұрын

Dr Emma, thank you for all your content. You are saving people's lives a video at a time.

@AngelLPena 6 ай бұрын

This helped me so much, I'm so grateful for this video. I've been suffering for many years, and this video helps me create a framework to move on.

@EYRM9 23 күн бұрын

@michaelquebec6653 3 жыл бұрын

Victims of any and all forms of bullying should also see this video.

@or.lev29 4 жыл бұрын

you have changed my life. thank you

@ernaredzepagic7043 2 жыл бұрын

This explanation was everything I needed to hear. Thank you!

@bajasbaby 2 жыл бұрын

I’m extremely afraid of heights. The moment I looked at the video my heart started racing, my throat went dry, and I could feel panic rising. I shut my eyes until you started talking again. Wow! I never paid attention to my response to heights on t.v. until now. Thank you for these videos. ❤️

@mandybrooks2425 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you i needed that

@TherapyinaNutshell 5 жыл бұрын

Glad you found it helpful

@Byeleavemealone2 4 жыл бұрын

Mandy Brooks me too ! I was abused by my biological father

@justinflownow 4 жыл бұрын

Damn. You’re a talented blogger/broadcaster. This TOTALLY explains the Aziz Ansari situation.

@khushbumistry2940 3 жыл бұрын

I’ve needed to hear this for so long... thank you so much for this video

@leeboriack8054 2 жыл бұрын

I feel so very grateful to find this podcast.

@thomasrussell4674 Жыл бұрын

Never judge someone for freezing, it's an evolved protective mechanism.

@DJ_Pimpin 7 ай бұрын

No one judges for freezing in a completely verbalized non-consensual sense. People judge you if you initially consent on your own free will and then you freeze later and don't say anything. Because there's going to be a lag time obviously that lag time can probably take up to a minute or two depending on how you emote. Are you a screamer in bed? Obviously if you're a screamer and then all of a sudden you just go silent, the man should obviously realize within about 2 seconds. But, if you're someone who likes to bite the pillow and moan and take it, and then you freeze? Obviously there's no difference between your baseline and freezing because there's no emoting so on so forth. So the lag time between you freezing and a man realizing and that situation is going to be much greater potentially a minute or two. And in that time frame where you initially consent and then you freeze and then the guy happens to figure it out and there's no verbalization of withdrawing of consent and it's just a freezing mechanism, then if it takes the guy 30 seconds and he's like oh fuck shit are you okay? And clearly he's not intentionally doing something to you? NOT assault. Now if you withdraw consent and you verbalize it or you never gave consent and he just starts grabbing you and it's a first date or whatever? Absolutely 100% rape and needs to be buried under the prison.

@michelles2644 2 жыл бұрын

It's not our faults, it wasn't your fault. You didn't deserve it, we didn't deserve it. You're safe, we're safe, we will be okay.

@worlaliawakame762 6 ай бұрын

❤❤❤❤❤❤

@Char_Relax 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much, the quote in the beginning really helped me. I thought it was just me wanting it when in reality I knew that wasn't true but I had no other knowledge of people also experiencing that and having the same exact thoughts that I did at the time. this happened v recently and I've been trying to find ways to cope And hear other people stories. Thank you so much

@gigilagreen6789 9 ай бұрын

Thank you. Thank you for this so much. My father sexually assaulted me when I was a baby and freezing has been my mental mindset my whole life. This is encouraging and relieving news. I was crying tears of release and relief while watching this. Thank you.

@bluehairkim1 3 жыл бұрын

It’s so confusing to me, I was harmed & it only made me more protective of others, especially children. So what causes the perpetrators brain to respond in a sick way?

@katharoskalos8224 3 жыл бұрын

Denial

@paminaruto 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for this. It's about to be a year since I've been sexually assaulted. I've been receiving therapy since it happened and till this day I'm still struggling to forgive myself. My therapist explained this to me but it's still just so hard. I love how you provided examples so its much easier to understand. I need constant reminders of this because I keep defending that man I went on a date with. What made it extremely difficult was that I had feelings for him and made the whole situation so much harder to let go. It didn't help that everyone I told it to told me I should've left, I should've hit him, I should've etc. I was so clouded by my feelings for him that I wanted to believe he cared about me when he clearly didn't. But it was all about dominance and control. He knew everything he was doing and told me he misinterpreted my no's when i kept pushing and pulling him away. I wanted to believe him, but he knew. My actions told him that i didn't want it. And I'm such a verbal person but i wasn't physically able to speak once he kept pushing himself on me. He kept touching me and my voice the whole time was stuck in my throat. I kept telling myself "speak, speak, why can't you speak". I blamed myself over and over again. The next day he blamed me because I was "just so adorable" and I was so confused because I really, really liked him. But that man was responsible for what he did. He played victim SO hard because I wouldn't give him a second chance. Thankfully I knew he was attempting to manipulate me so I could return to him. But thank you, I need constant reminders that my body did what it thought was best at that moment and I DID get out of it in the end. That man was a monster.

@angelacampbell5005 Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much my daughter is going through this at the time and is dealing with maybe going to court over a sexual assault charge and I shared this with her thank you so much! Very helpful!

@amypola5903 3 жыл бұрын

One of the best videos on this topic, thank you.

@celineheleneroglin9901 4 жыл бұрын

You are so kickass. Thank you for this.

@aubreyadams7185 2 жыл бұрын

I remember when I told the person (who was my best friend at the time) “no” and told them to “stop” and later on they blamed me for not saying “red” even though it had not been something previously discussed. I was fighting I kept telling them to stop and then eventually just quit trying because him holding me down was hurting more from trying to escape. I just closed my eyes and cried…it’s been about 9 months since it happened and went through my first semester of college during that time frame, it was and has been the hardest thing to go through and process..

@bensmith8957 2 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry that happened to you

@isolanimadores8128 10 ай бұрын

For me it was also my "best friend". Only made it all the more hard to accept I had been assaulted, because I didn't want to think of them as someone who could do that. I'm so sorry you had to deal with this kind of hurt, you're not alone in it at all, and I hope you know that while the scar will never go away, it won't ever define you. *You* will define you, so do it with kindness.

@christabelr1239 Жыл бұрын

I can’t tell you how helpful and validating this is

@marinmacfarlane4810 3 жыл бұрын

You have no idea how much this helped me thank you so much

@squishysquid8888 4 жыл бұрын

I am so happy I found this video I thought I was alone. When it happend to me I couldn’t talk all I could do was write on paper or type . I tried to type or write stop but he didn’t look. I always said I froze and my orients didn’t believe me . I felt so alone.