The problem with perfectionism is that you will never be happy.

This video relates to something I hate about myself. When I have to do something, if I know I can't get it done the way I want to, I don't even try. It's always black or white. And that's not a healthy way to live. I have to try, I know that, but still...I'm paralyzed, most of the times.

I'm never fully happy because of my perfectionism, always trying to be right, good enough, always thinking about how things could be better, how my life could have been more right and blaming myself for all the misfortunes. This isn't how a human being should be living.

*Sometimes patients tell me, “I can’t be a perfectionist, because nothing in my life is perfect.” But being a perfectionist isn’t about things being perfect; it's about thinking things need to be perfect and vigilantly pursuing it. Emotionally, this means that instead of living your life in a place of self-acceptance, perfectionists are on a continual treadmill chasing the elusive feeling of having everything in their lives be “right.” But even when the brief satisfaction of “right” is achieved, it’s temporary. Then it’s on the to next level, achievement, or day of needing to make everything “right.” Most perfectionists smile beautifully on the outside, but feel frustrated, exhausted and unappreciated on the inside.*

My perfectionism actually gives me suicidal thoughts A LOT. And it makes me overthink things. I cant even successfully write an essay, I know I have the brain power to do so but I cannot because instead of authenticity I reach for what I want others to hear/read which results in me taking literally hours to write a single paragraph. It even messed me up on my most recent AP ENGLISH LANGUAGE TEST. I wrote a total of three paragraphs but because I wasn’t satisfied with the words i used, I ended up CROSSING OUT EVERYTHING and ending up with a single paragraph for three essays. It’s just soooooooo aggravating. It doesn’t even just mess up my academic life but also my self-esteem: I have to always have perfect skin or i will be sad, I have to have perfect hair or I will be sad, I have to receive just the right amount of attention from peers and family in order to be satisfied. ITS JUST SO AGGRAVATING ALWAYS FEELING U R TAKING ONE STOP FORWARD, ONLY TO TAKE TWO STEPS BACKWARDS. I will NOT let perfectionism control my life forever though, I will conquer it and I hope you guys do as well.

"The key to overachieving is low expectations"

0:43 those scissors sure suck ...

I'm currently going through a major depressive episode in my life and your videos are the like a voice in the darkness offering me guidance. Thank you school of life.

I hate being a perfectionist. Because when something isn't perfect to me or I believe somebody going to do better then I do on something, I get nervous or I even go as far as having a mental breakdown. There been times where I rewrote an essay 6x. I tried explaining this to my parents and they tell me that's it's a good because I alway try my hardest, but I'm scared..even when I do something right I always tell my "you could've done better".

My inbox: "FIVE PERFECT SUMMER OUTFITS" "The Problem With Perfectionism"

Perfection comes with a cost and that cost is to kill your dreams.

I'm perfectionist. And because I'm afraid of mistakes, I don't even try to do something big or complicated.

I have a dear student whom I love a lot but she regularly drives me crazy! And it is exactly for what is described in this lesson. She is an elderly lady and she is extremely ambitious. She practices almost everyday, which is great. But she can't tolerate any mistakes when she is playing. She is always mad at herself and she is always pushing me to rush with what I am trying to teach her, just to complete the piece, so that we can start with another piece... Some time ago we were playing Bach and she started to freak out after two bars!! So I said: " But look, this is Bach , it is so beautiful, we could enjoy every note of it. " I told her that when you go to see a movie, it is not that you "endure" the whole movie only to find out what will l happen in the end. You ENJOY it. The same with a concert. You don't go there to hear the final chord. You enjoy every moment of it. If you know how hard it is to reach what you want to reach, you can be very patient and feel happy for every single step that brings you closer to it. But if you have no idea, you will see all those steps as obstacles! That's a terrific misconception! Here is something interesting too: From a person who is so obsessed with a perfect outcome, you would expect to have the patience, resilience and the clarity of mind that is necessary for it. But very often it is not the case! We all have trouble with this to a certain extend. So here is a little list of good reminders: 1. Malcolm Gladwell has an excellent, really excellent podcast called " Revisionist History". And the episode named " Hallelujah" is dedicated to creativity. It is so interesting because it follows the adventure of one famous song, which was a horrible song when it came out. But then the singer worked on it for years, and it became a huge hit. I don't mention on purpose which song it is, so that you listen to the podcast!! No it's not Hallelujah:-) But they talk about it too. It took Cohen years to make that song work! That episode will certainly change the way you look at creativity and make you feel more compassionate about yourself. 2. One of the best books I have read on creativity is Elisabeth Gilbert's " Big Magic" . I have found a couple of ideas in it a bit too esoteric may be. But the way she motivates you and encourages you is really wonderful. You can also listen to the interview with her on the " On Being with Krista Tippett" podcast. That's one great conversation on creativity and about all our misconceptions about it. She says for example, that any interesting activity requires 90 percent of boring work. But if you insist on the routine and keep working, then something happens, a "transformation" that makes all your efforts worthy again. She says she grew up in a farm and this is exactly what happens there too. She got the " perseverance" from there! 3. There is also an On Being podcast with Rex Jung, professor of neurosurgery. The episode is called " Creativity and the everyday brain". He says the very same things that we have learned in this lesson: that creative people fail much more! Because they are much more active! Some stuff comes out as good, some as bad, but they always keep going. 4. Not taking ourselves too seriously and seeing our failures with humour is also very helpful too Physicist Freeman Dyson says that: " Einstein's sense of humour went hand in hand with the fact that being a great scientist means failing a lot of the time. So his sense of humour was what allowed him to pick himself up and keep going and even be graceful about it . " 5. There is a wonderful TED Talk by Carol Dweck called " The power of believing that you can improve". She also has a talk on TSOL channel on Perfectionism. She offers us a totally different perspective, saying that we must learn to enjoy and appreciate OUR EFFORTS , rather than being obsessed by the outcome. I think if we love what we are doing and have it always clear in mind what it means to us, and if we are just " curious" about the outcome, rather than "anxious", we can be much more productive, and lead a more fulfilled life.

perfectionism literally destroyed my life .

It's hard when you are a perfectionist with depression

I dont entirely agree with this video. I am very much a perfectionist, though it doesn't come from underestimating the difficulty of a task, but rather overexaggerating the difficulty of it. When I do something, I have to put my all into it to make it perfect, to my high standards. That is something that requires a lot of emotional and/or physical energy though, so I usually completely avoid it to avoid the stress. However this never works in my favour because I just create a bigger problem for myself. I think there are different types of perfectionists, I am certainly not the type this video addresses.

Being a perfectionist takes so much time and effort, I'm always the last one because literally everything has to be perfect. So many people make fun of me for being slow or a perfectionist. But I just can't help it, I just think so much about everything whether it looks ok or not and I can't make it stop.

Perfectionists tend to view perfectionism as natural or inherent, which only drives the pain of failure deeper into their being. Perfectionists are made not born.

I once had a patient who was perfectionistic. I explained how it was destroying her and she agreed to change her ways. Next thing I know, she tries to be perfect at not being perfectionistic.

We need to be gentle with ourselves when chasing perfection

"Never strive for perfection, because you will never reach it" -Salvador Dalí

Just remember this old saying: Perfection is like the horizon - only idiots chase it.

The thing is no matter if I'm not good at something I'll keep getting mad at myself for not being perfect. I don't care if it's OKAY it NEEDS to be PERFECT. And the sad thing is that I'll keep trying to become perfect at something I'm not good at no matter what, I'll never stop and I'll always be miserable because I'm never PERFECT. 😕

I'm so disheartened and ashamed of my first attempts, I rarely get further in anything :(

As an artist, being perfectionist is a nightmare.

"The problem isn't that we're aiming for perfection. It's that we don't have an accurately redemptive idea of what perfection really demands."

I'm an incompetent perfectionist.

One sentence that implies demand for perfectionism is: “If you get anything less than an A+, you’ll be punished.”

Damn , this is very well explained! I do art and I definitely struggle with this a lot. I try ot to focus too much on making everything perfect but sometimes I just can't help it, and then it gets frustrating. Funny enough the drawings that come out the best are the ones I don't too much effort in lol

Being perfectionist and having mental ilness is a nightmare. I do it all or nothing. I'm the best or the worst. It is killing me. Thank you for the video

Thank you for bringing emotional stability to my life for years now. I've watched almost every video from the beginning, but have never commented. Thank you especially Alain

This is one of the best videos I’ve ever seen. Thank you so much!

This is so relatable. Great job!

*THIS VIDEO IS SO PERFECT*

Always the best video on the most suitable time. Thank you School of Life, I really need to know this.Striving for perfection rather than accept unchangeable things & forcing my way to accomplish everything make me suffer.

I'm glad to have fallen back into your channel. The art in this "perfectly" fit the theme and circumstances. You seem to explain these topics so well and fluently to be understood easily. Thank you for the time you out into making these.

The longer I'm an artist, the more I understand how truly difficult art is and why it's so difficult. That respect allows you to be a better draftsman and artist. And it allows you to respect and appreciate your fellow artists who might not be making the most amazing work, but nonetheless, are making work that you can't say has anything majorly wrong with it.

I have no idea if you guys read all of our comments, but if you do happen to be reading this one, may I just say how very grateful I am for this video. This is exactly what I needed but never had the gall to admit. Compliments to the developer of the concept, your art and creativity team and ESPECIALLY to the narrator. The calmness of his voice and the conviction of his tenor are actually what helps the most, in my opinion. Kudos to you guys!

This channel has to be the best thing ive come across on youtube

It's incredible how much I can relate to this video. Thanks though, it really helped me to understand why being so perfectionist is hurting me, instead of helping me.

please make a video discussing being a jack of all trades/master of none

I’m a perfectionist, but for me it actually isn’t too horrible. I can let things go sometimes because I get help from my teachers and parents. I aim too high for myself most times, but I can work quickly enough to get things in on time. Luckily, I can handle this now because the people I love can help me out.

Thank you so much, I really REALLY needed this in my life, especially recently.

Gosh, this is freakishly accurate! I totally feel this way - it's a daily battle, but one that I am winning more and more often after making this the primary focus of my life's work! Great stuff.

Being a perfectionist is great because you strike for greatness and it shows that you don't give up , remember what Leonardo Da Vinci said: "art is never done its abandoned".

Few things annoy me as much as when a person is asked what their flaws are and they respond with "Oh, I am a perfectionist and I just work too hard." As someone who struggles with trying to reach perfection constantly and feeling like I am a failure when I don't attain it, this is like a slap in the face. So many people just don't get it.

Thank you for this informative video. It was a huge help to me personally. I never quite understood that the problem with perfectionism is not being too ambitious and having a high goal but miscalculating the effort.

great video as usual, but i am writing to say that your voice and the way you speak has a magical feeling to it and with the combination of the topics you are talking about is just brilliant

To be honest, I always have difficulty in understanding entirely what this channel's videos are presenting to the viewers. However, I will put effort by coming back to the watch same videos again(as much as I can afford to) to grasp a bit more of what they are. And I'll always be amazed when I finally understand the meaning of the video's content. Please correct me if there's any mistake in my writing.

This is gonna be quite a long story so I think it's okay if you guys don't wanna hear this story of mine that much or at all but I'll just share this story about my perfectionism: So basically, I first became a perfectionist back in June 2018 and it's because I feel insecure about myself. The reason for my insecurity is because I remember in school, people think I'm weak because of how easily anxious I am when I'm about to face new things everyday, but around that time (June 2018, like I said earlier), I managed to overcome my anxiety a bit but then I want myself to be perfect so people in school can accept me and not think I'm weak at all. But I realized it won't work that way and now, I'm working on stopping my perfectionism and ignoring what people say about me, so I'll just be myself. Wish me luck!

Thank you for this I'm a total perfectionist and it always leads me to complain about everything but this open my mind 💖

This was incredible. Thank you guys for everything you do

Perfection is a paradox: Perfect is boring and boring can't be perfect.

I just wish some people would stop saying ‘I’m such a perfectionist’ when it is quite clear they don’t care. Being a perfectionist to me is quite clearly a mental illness although it isn’t. People don’t realize the side effects of being a perfectionist. It can lead you to depression, low self esteem, panic attacks, and anxiety.

Hello, I want to emphasize that *I love the art in your videos,* really major props to SOL's artists, among other work contributors.

Perfectionism is a super power we don’t know how to use. It can be both a blessing and a curse if we don’t know how to handle it. I’ve come to the realization that I need to trust in all my perfect plans.

The point on which you need to make a video is clearly expressed within this timeline 2:00-2:11 You've already created a video about perfectionism and most people following your channel or similar ones already aware of what being a perfectionist feels like. What you need to discuss is how those successful people who are deemed as perfectionists could actually work in the first place, reaching their highest potential and still be perfectionists, though in a different way as you explained. Good day.

In short, the worst thing to be is a perfectionist who wants everything to be ideal without putting any effort in. In my opinion, being a perfectionist is a virtue if you are willing to dedicate your life to that vocation; even if you don't reach perfection, you'll still end up achieving a high level of mastery.

I really, really needed this video.

One of the best self-help KZfaq channels out there. Thank you school of life.

@School of Life, is it possible for someone to lead a Sunday sermon chapter in Sydney?

I’ve got perfectionism and I’m perfectly fine, it’s kind of balanced. I can get something perfect to the way I feel it is and it’s done, it kind of works with me, something doesn’t need to be perfect to the exact millimetre it just has to be for me and it doesn’t cause any issues or anything like that. Anyone else?

This is very enlightening, thank you very much.

This is a very useful knowledge. Thank you so much! May God bless you.

Okay wow I just noticed 2:05 is Steve Jobs, as a perfectionist with his Apple products.

15 perfectionists disliked this video.

Thanks so much for this, it has helped me a lot

The first one I have enjoyed in quite a while, thank you:)

Wouldn't know, I'm perfect!

I transcended perfection ;)

Thanks for enlightening me. I do undermine the time, energy, struggles and agony that inevitably goes into reaching perfection. If I stop undermining, I'll be able to stay more relaxed and patient when I feel like it's taking too much time or when those struggles and agony hit me. And be truly grateful when I do reach the ideal I had in my head.

I needed this, thank you!

Look out for those killer paint brushes guys

To make something good you should be a perfectionist. To a limit.

I am so thankful for your videos.

I’m a perfectionist and I love it!!!! I hold people to standards that I achieve myself and I expect others to act right. I set boundaries that others must achieve when they are around me or they can’t come around. Sinful people drive me up a wall and I don’t trust them. I love being me!

The video is really good, but not perfect :/

Can you do a video on veganism?

My most favourite SoL video. For the subject that is bothering me a lot, but also for the animation. I just keep unliking it to give it a like again. 💜

this is very insightful and i will learn how to appreciate the demanding tasks i need to go through before any progression. Trying to speak things into existence here..

I'm early and I honestly don't care, because it would he sad if I did.

I found this video to be very inaccurate, the problem with perfection is not that we are impatient and can't accept things are harder or more difficult than what we really expect, the problem with perfectionism is that the big majority of the world population are mediocre by choice, not by birth, and hence you have to deal with a whole bunch of people everyday that live their lives under the law of the minimum effort and while you are struggling with million problem and handicaps everyday to try to reach your real best you have to face up and accept that most of people doesn't give a dam about the outcomes of their actions and are not willing to take responsibilities for their mistakes.... but of course every single person expects you to take fully responsibility for all your mistakes and for those that are not even your mistakes, but when it comes to you asking for commitment to solve or arrange a problem somebody else has created... well, all you get is a middle finger kissing you good bye....

The animations on this video is spot on! felt like I could relate alot :)

I needed this so badly today. Thank you.

Thanks for the video, much appreciated 👍

this channel uploads so many knowledgeable videos. i love it

wonderful, insightful video. thank you :)

happy with the eistance of this channel it makes me accept the human part of living

Have a nice day Demetria , and all fellow addicts Universal love and patience be with you 👠♟👼

I love this channel!

This is super accurate in my experience. It's particularly the case for people who are highly talented or intelligent - because SOME things are easier for them than for other people, they expect ALL things to be similarly easy.

Great video!

This video really helped me get through some tough times. :)) thanks

These videos always relax me

Interesting stuff, thank you.

amazing video thank you

Amazing and fabulous video.

thanks a lot , a person could life whith this problem all the time and never find a solution, thanks to you honestly.

I needed this. I just signed up to the gym to get ripped. I will budget abundantly for the difficulty and time involved in seeing results

Thank you for you videos. It seems that a new video is posted roughly around the time when I discuss my problems with that topic. School of life seems to be in sync with my own personal progression ha