One book that actually helped me deal with my OCD as a child (before I knew what OCD was) is Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine. It's a book about a girl who is curse to do everything she's told. In the movie, her body breaks the laws of physics to force her to comply with no choice, but it the book it's very mental. The longer she goes without complying with an order, the more she becomes obsessed with it. It's a thought that repeats, circling in her head with no end in sight. She become dizzy, nauseous, and physically ill until she does what she was told to do.

I think the biggest testament to how bad OCD thoughts can be that I’d want non-OCDers to know is that plenty of OCDers’ instrusive thoughts can not actually be represented in film because it would be *illegal* for a production company to put an actor through a *recreation* of those images, even in a “safe studio space”.

Your mention of OCD targeting things you felt strongly about, especially social justice causes, hit really close to home for me. I’m a trans man, but my latest obsession has been that I’m secretly violently transphobic, or that I’m inherently misogynistic for wanting to transition into a man. Moral/scrupulosity OCD is the *worst*.

OCD on TV: “omg you guyyys, y’all are so dirty let me clean the sink and organize my pens by color” OCD IRL (my experience as a child): “hmm, I hurt my left arm so now I need to hurt my right arm to match the sensation exactly. If I don’t do this then my mom might die in a car crash.” *proceeds to do this endlessly for an hour because it’s impossible to match sensations exactly.*

I really can’t stand the “omg I’m so OCD” or “Obsessive Christmas Disorder” stuff, but my OCD can be funny at times. I guess I use humor to cope. For years my OCD has been bugging me about “hey, there’s glass in your food, you should probably check” and for years it’s been wrong. UNTIL ONE DAY I was baking cookies and one of them somehow got glass into it????? I was so shocked and triggered by it, but then I realized it wasn’t that bad, and I didn’t swallow any. Low key cured my “glass in food” thing

The power in the concept "you are not your first thought, you are how you respond to it" has saved me so much grief through the years dealing with this condition.

Discussing taboo obsessions really made me feel better. I don't have OCD (or I haven't been formally diagnosed) but I have been told I suffer from obsessions but not compulsions (by my therapist). The saying that "your first thought isn't you, your second thought is," became a way for my mind to justify why I'm a bad person. I would repeat bad things in my mind over and over again so that every thought was the bad thought, and there would be no escaping the idea that I'm just a bad person. I came into this video wanting to learn more about OCD, and came out of it feeling seen, in my own weird little way.

Wait you're pointing out plot holes in your ocd?? That's... amazing

I often tell people that having OCD is like being on fire but only I can see and feel the fire. I can’t just ignore it, because it’s excruciating.

If I wasn't watching this among company I'd be crying, I feel human rather than subhuman for the first time in my entire life.

One of my friends OCD manifests in her not being able to do any homework or work until she understands everything PERFECTLY. Physics assignments that might take me 2 hours will take her 15-20 just because one value wasnt explained in a way that was acceptable. She has had panic attacks while we were goth working as graders for a class because the rubric didnt align with the assignment to her (honestly it was a mess anyway but something mildly annoying to me was so much worse for her). We both have AuDHD so I get the stress of not having a perfectly laid out plan with steps in order, but it has been eye opening just to see how much she struggles daily with things many people dont think twice on.

I just started this video, and wanted to say: thank you. OCD is a horrible condition that is profoundly misunderstood. OCD is a demon that lives in your brain and whispers to you in your own voice. Intrusive thoughts can be so taboo and you genuinely comvince yourself that youre the most evil person who's ever lived. My experience with pOCD left me deeply depressed for months and i could barely go outside. Ill probably come back and add more as i watch the video. But god, thank you. It's been so misunderstood

My ex wife has OCD and there was absolutely nothing fun or funny about it. She has contamination OCD and this would often mean throwing away her entire wardrobe because she had walked too closely to the pesticide section at the grocery store, or washing her hands for an hour straight under scalding water. It really made it impossible for me to watch any of the sanitized presentations of ocd in media.

the turtles all the way down book was really important to me realizing i had ocd

I nearly cried watching this. My OCD manifests in almost the exact same way as yours (believing everyone around me can hear my thoughts). As a child raised in a religious household, my first intrusive thoughts were sacreligious in nature. I had no context at all for what was happening to me and for a while I believed that I was possessed by a demon. I felt so ashamed and guilty and prayed to God to make the thoughts stop, but they never did. I finally learned about OCD when I became friends with a guy who had Tourette's. It was the closest experience I could match to mine, having a compulsion that you are unable to control and being misunderstood by people who think you are being disruptive on purpose. I did a google search of something along the lines of "Tourette's but inside my brain" and after a bit of digging, learned about OCD. This is why it is so important for neurodivergent/disabled people to have communities. Having a friend to talk about these issues with was so important. Great video!

it took me till 17 to get diagnosed with OCD because i had intrusive thoughts that told me if i told anyone about my intrusive thoughts, all of them would come true. thank you for this video, people have no idea just how debilitating this disorder can be

I don't have much to add but I do want to say that I was in the process of having Contamination OCD diagnosed after over a year of being obsessed with the fact that everything and anything was dirty, I would refuse to go on public transport, had to shower as soon as I arrived back home if I did get myself to go outside that day, I could not touch things my brain deemed "dirty" (eg, the trashcan lid to open it, the handle of the bathroom door) and after being so close to this diagnosis... the pandemic hit. And you can imagine how this effected my contamination OCD tenfold, it reinforced that fear I had already and also warped into thoughts that I was convinced I somehow knew of impending doom before it happened - how else does my brain explain my brain (honestly out of nowehere) getting obsessed with germs and fear of becoming deathly ill before the pandemic? I know, logically, of course I can't know if doom is around the corner, but when the thoughts start, they keep going until they stop as quickly as they started. It's exhausting, and this is just a huge ramble, apologies, but I am so glad this video was made.

I have OCD as well as two of my sons. I call OCD the theif of joy, you can never really enjoy yourself because you are constantly aware of what you and everyone else is doing.

thank u sm for talking abt this! fuck jk rowling, but harry potter and the order of the pheonix helped me a lot with my ocd as a child, especially when i didn't know what it was. when harry has the dream that he is the snake that hurts arthur weasley, he's afraid that if he tells people he was dreaming from the snake's perspective, people will think he is a bad person. the fact that it was a part of voldemort in harry that is making him have these thoughts, and not a part of him, helped me to realise that my intrusive thoughts didn't mean anything about me as a person. something that still sticks with me is sirius telling harry "you're not a bad person, you're a very good person who bad things have happened to".

Laughing so hard at all of the cleaning supplies on the shelf behind you. And that’s coming from a person whose best friend had to tell me. “Put down the broom. This is my engagement party”. ❤😂😅😇

I was diagnosed with OCD in my late teens before learning that I was Autistic a few years later. I definitely have obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors but it’s not clear whether those are an extension of my Autism or qualify for a separate OCD diagnosis. Because of this, I’m generally really cautious and careful about how I discuss the topic… and then people who have nothing even close say “I’m just so OCD” and I want to throw things!

Adrian Monk from the TV show Monk is somewhat problematic but overall good representation. Lots of checking behaviors, lots of rituals. Whenever he passes a lamp post he has to touch it. There are “neat freak” behaviors, too, but they aren’t just a cute quirk - you can see how they genuinely affect his quality of life and how they worsen when external stressors are present.

I don't have OCD, but I have struggled with intense, vivid intrusive thoughts since I was a child. Learning that OCD was more like that than just... obsessively clean, was a real wave of sympathy that flipped my thoughts entirely around. Intrusive thoughts, especially when you can't get rid of them, mess you up. I couldn't go down the stairs or cross a street without vividly picturing my own death and that's not condusive to "normal" behaviour

There was an uncomfortable amount of girls I went to school with who claimed to be OCD in order to justify touching other people to do things like adjust their jacket hood, remove an eyelash, undo ponytails to redo them, grab their faces to touch up makeup, or other actions that "fixed" something they found annoying/bothersome. I absolutely hated that they thought it was a quirk and that that quirk gave them a free pass to touch anything and anyone they wanted without consent.

the nature of ocd, the horrible taboo thoughts you are forced to experience, makes it incredibly isolating. to tell anyone about it, you're violating T&C and it feels like risking everything.

I think the cleaning ocd must be the easiest to represent. Because some of these sound like extreme anxiety to normal society. People would just confuse them or never make a real distinction. Representation matters sooo much more than we know.

ive noticed that people sometimes doesnt realise there is a difference between OCD and being germaphobic

When I was a child I got it into my head that if I looked down I was accidentally telling God that I should go to Hell. So everytime I looked down I'd glimpse up at least 3 times (1 to balance, 1 to shift the balance, and at least 1 more to make up for all the years when I'd been looking down without realising the danger)

You mentioned it in the video, but something I'm really nervous about with all this is the STEEP rise of the genuine belief in thought crime in online spaces. I've watched it get really bad in fandom spaces, and it's.... It's so nerve-wracking. There are a lot of younger fans who think that anyone consuming, discussing, or liking taboo/dark (fictional) media is an abusive threat, and they should be punished by whatever means possible--ranging from typical internet harassment like bullying or online stalking, to exposing people to life-threatening situations in the hopes of killing them through constant suicide bating or outting them as queer to family members while they're living in dangerously homophobic areas. And like... I *get* it. Even though it's all make-believe (and stuff you can find in most TV shows nowadays anywho) I understand why younger people would look at some stuff and say it's disgusting, you're a monster for looking at that, I want you gone. But then they get obsessive, and I see them talking to each other about it, voicing problems with it, and it SOUNDS like OCD. The constant vigilance and self-policing, the worries that they're going to become someone bad and trying to do everything they can to NOT become bad even when those rituals don't really do anything, the utter consumption is has over them. It's going to fuck them up. I mean with surface level things, it IS fucking them up. I hear about and have seen kids saying that they think they're pedophiles because they have a crush on someone from school who's the same age as them (because liking anyone underage makes you a pedophile, regardless of whether or not you're also a kid); I see them throwing around virulent racist slurs when someone doesn't like a thing the way they think they should and regurgitating supremacist and nationalist talking points without realizing it (and doubling down when it's pointed out); I see them thinking they were abusive for asking for help, or saying someone else was being abusive because they were openly having a tough time mentally; HORRIFYINGLY, I see children insisting that the only people you should be contacting about all adult stuff ARE adults, including things about sex, and asking to see proof of extremely dark shit when someone mentions they found some without the distinction of whether or not it's fictional or real (and sometimes it HAS been real)... Like..... It's a relatively recent thing (the past five years or so?), but you KNOW it's giving them complexes about so much. They're also growing up online where doubting whether or not this is healthy or admitting that they might have been wrong could get them on the receiving end of their own harassment campaign, so it instills in them that they HAVE to be on the lookout for this stuff all the time...but, because none of it is real and it's all fiction, it's also instilling this idea that things that exist only in your head can make you inherently a bad person who needs to be hurt lest you hurt other people, and that's. Like. **That's OCD. That's intrusive thoughts.** I feel like they're all teaching and encouraging themselves and each other to have these miserable, life-ruining thought patterns, but they're too young to understand that's what's going on, and by the time they DO realize it, it will have become a habit they now need to unlearn. And then they'll also have to do the extremely hard work of confronting all the things in their head they'd been telling themselves for years were "too bad" to think about. And beyond all of that, I feel like the express avoidance of all of these hard topics will make them even easier targets for predators and predatory systems, because they haven't been able to fully utilize one of the most important parts of fiction--confronting difficult things so you can better recognize and deal with them when you run into them in the real world. This is related to a lot of other stuff too (I feel like there's a direct link between the rise of conspiracy theory groups and online policing in young people online), but the EXTREMELY uncomfortable similarity to OCD with the rationale behind all this makes me so nervous. Randomly one day I was talking with someone and they threw out that they didn't know what intrusive thoughts were, but they'd been having them and they were really relieved to know they weren't just a monster. How many other people don't know what they are? How are they supposed to find out if they can't talk or ask about it, let alone fucking THINK about it?? It's fucked. It's fucked up.

Glee did OCD better with Kurt when his dad had cancer. His compulsions were portrayed as actions (organising salt packets, wearing specific colours, doing specific things at highly specific times of the day) while obsessing about the health of his family.

Being a supportive partner for someone with OCD is made harder by the lack of representation of people with OCD in relationships. I have ADHD, and there are so many intersections when the two of us need opposite things, and when I’ve gone looking online for advice - I general find articles and posts on ‘How to tell when it’s time to leave your (insert type of neurodivergence here) partner’ I would like representation of a romantic couple when OCD symptoms are high, and no amount of meds and other things are helping - because those times are difficult, but they aren’t impossible - and that people will love you even when you share what feel like the worst things about yourself ❤️

I don’t have OCD but I’m autistic and sometimes get intrusive thoughts… so it seems less completely alien to me as a concept than it is for most people probably but it’s still really interesting to hear about different experiences because while I do have intrusive thoughts and repetitive behaviors I don’t have OCD and the intrusive thoughts are more just being fixated on things some of which are upsetting and the repetitive behaviors are for completely different reasons so it’s really helpful and interesting to hear about people’s experiences with OCD

Thank you for making this video. I don't have ocd but I am happy when I can better understand other people's experiences in case I meet someone who does.

My intrusive thoughts sometimes involve physically hurting myself but mainly involve hurting those around me, especially my loved ones. It's absolutely mortifying living like this day-to-day, constantly grappling with the thoughts, images, and compulsions of extreme violence that I am bombarded with mostly at random when I'm around others. Some days I quite literally cannot handle using/washing a knife to cook with because I'm afraid of what "might happen" so I go without and don't cook at all. It's such mundane tasks and moments that are interrupted by this heart-stopping, gut-wrenching, crippling fear of what I "might" do. I am the most sensitive, nonviolent crybaby of a person and know within myself I would and could never bring such harm onto others, much less the ones I love. And so being in tune with this knowledge, with myself and who I am, I do know that I wouldn't succumb to such compulsions. That's the only thing that makes it possible to grapple with these thoughts and images that flash in my mind without my own consent. That's not to say I don't struggle with this, it seeiously impacts my everyday life and it's pretty awful. But it's not the initial thought that defines me and what kind of person I am, it's how I process it and how I choose to handle it and get myself through the momentary fear. Thank you so much for this video, OCD is SUCH a highly stigmatized disorder, even though we're all trying to become more conscious of mental health struggles these days. Any help in destigmatizing is so, so appreciated!!!

Growing up, I had no idea that I have OCD, because I always thought it was being very neat and stuff, and I never was obsessed with cleaning. It was only after my OCD got so severe was self harming and had a develop dangerous eating disorder that I found out at a mental hospital that I had OCD and could really start on treatment which is effective for me. If I didn't constantly see OCD as a cleaning thing maybe I could have caught it before my body got so damaged.

I have an OCD related disorder called dermatillomania, it makes me obsessively pick at perceived skin blemishes, excpecially acne. Some episodes used to be bad enough that I would use small scissors to cut off tiny parts of my skin for hours bleeding the whole time. It's really awful and I was only able to get it under control with medication and therapy for years, but even now it can get bad if I let myself get to stressed. the worst part is the whole time you know what your doing is unreasonable and WANT to stop, but your body won't listen and just keeps going. It definitely has nothing to do with organizing and being neat. I wish more serious types of OCD were shown in media. To anyone else who struggles with skin/hair picking hang in there, it can get easier with a lot of work.

it's amazing how often people who get diagnosed with OCD thought at some point that they had suffered from psychosis before they ever thought it could be that. my OCD diagnosis blindsided me completely

I have severe OCD, to the point I was hospitalized numerous times for it, and I feel like everything you’ve said is spot on. I have lost friends because of my OCD, and that feeling of being unlovable was hard to overcome (my friends also called me unpalatable, which definitely didn’t help) point is, thank you for making this video; you’ve put into words thoughts that have swirled around my head for years now. ♡

I watched this whole video. It's very triggering to me, to hear about other people's compulsions, because it sets off my own, so it's been a hard day, but the video was worth it. This video is so important Rowan. I hope many many people watch it.

I don't have OCD, but I am an AuDHD'er and I have frequent intrusive thoughts of the, yeah, unpleasant, harmful kind. Brief as it was, I am glad you gave a very gentle call out to the current moral panic gripping the internet (and especially fandom) spaces about how what we think (or the art we make) is fundamentally what/who we are as people. I've had therapists in the past tell me that my first thought is not, in fact, who I really am, but my *second* thought (ie, where I reject the intrusive thoughts) is who I am. And I 1000% believe the therapists, not the moral panic nightmare people, but I've seen the moral panic nightmare people make awful declarative statements about those who have taboo intrusive thoughts, dogpile them, tell them to kill themselves, say they should be ostracised, etc. My heart just aches for anyone who sees that trash, doesn't have a support system to tell them what I've been told, and then thinks they really are a monster and need to take drastic measures.

wait the description in the first 5 minutes jumpscared me actually ngl. "oh, a teddy holding a teddy bear? wow, I didn't know there were such explicit mental illusions involved, at the very least, in the early growing ages with OCD!" and then you said "strike a bargain, where if I fulfil these imaginary rules, blah blah blah" and I'm like O_o so when I was genuinely creeped out and scared as a child of all those imaginary bugs in the air that I knew were imaginary but I could see them anyway, and I had to hide under my blanket for a while until they passed by could have been a genuine delusion?? as far as I know, I don't have OCD, but it's wacky to see something so familiar and to recall fluidly a memory I haven't thought about in a long time from it. plus, the disturbing sexual thoughts one is especially relatable, I experience this all the time, but I've chalked it up to (and it very well could be) from the sexual traumatic experiences in my early to late teens, but it sounds kinda similar?? but all disorders have certain overlapping features with others, so this isn't me saying "oh, i definitely have OCD because of these few relatable things" and stuff now, but its definitely made me think.

for a long time ive "just barely" avoided developing ocd- i don't spend enough time fighting intrusive thoughts with rituals. but everything in this video is still extremely relatable- and it helps me understand myself a little better, thank you

The recent release “I LIVE IN YOUR HOUSE” by Patrick McDonald (which is a home invasion trauma and psychosis trigger) surprised me with how well the actor Amanda Lehan-Canto portrays the mental experience of someone struggling with obsessions. The film is meant to be wacky and somewhat comedic, but the performance given really personally spoke to me as a pretty accurate representation of obsessive anxiety. The character doubts the validity of her fears, but can’t stop obsessing about them. She continues to be functional despite her obsessions and compulsions, but then slowly deteriorates under the stress. She has that OCD experience of knowing that logically everything is okay, but 100% certainty still isn’t enough to conclude that everything is actually okay. There’s elements used to portray the character’s obsession to the audience in first person, especially in a beautiful scene midway through. The way I related this film to OCD was absolutely not intentional on the writers’ part, but I feel like it would be a good reference to open up the OCD conversation for someone who doesn’t understand OCD. Be wary that this film could be a trigger, but I would recommend this film to people with OCD who can watch it safely. If it’s triggering and you still want to watch it, practice self care, don’t go in blind to an exposure. But I think many people with OCD would appreciate the performance.

Haven’t even watched the video on it but I trust you do at least a half decent job and I’m thankful for it. It’s frustrating that no one I talk to understands what an intrusive thought is unless they experience it too and the assumptions people make annoy me to no end

I recently got diagnosed with OCD and I'm not clean or neat. I didn't even know what I was going through WAS ocd because I just thought I was a horrible person.

Just last week I had someone come into my discount book store and sarcastically say "wow it's so organized in here, it's great for my OCD" and it took everything I had to not jump over the counter and yell that that is not what OCD is. I have multiple friends who deal with OCD and the cutesy sanitized version so many people claim it to be causes me immense rage.

ive been a mental health advocate for 7 years, and have a psychology special interest, but, it took me watching this video to piece together that i share a concerning amount of similarities with OCD, and ill be looking into seeking a professional who can help me figure things out.

My main probmem with Emma on Glee was that in a subplot she dates Carl the dentist and he really helps her work through some of her issues, she makes huge progress (I'm aware this is not necessarily amazing representation and hot men can't just fix OCD but tbf to them it doesn't just fix it she just makes some progress because he's understanding and helpful). But then she breaks up with him, immediately goes back to how she was before and dates Will instead and nobody ever brings up that clearly he's toxic af because not only does she regress back to how she was before, she seems to get actively worse and often is triggered directly by the stress of dating him. How am I meant to root for their relationship when he explicitly makes her OCD worse????

I never genuinely thought i had OCD until you talked about your compulsion with 3s. But I am Autistic and a lot of what you mentioned does show up in Autism at times. Thanks for sharing your experience.

Growing up I had "legal" compulsions, where my brain would put something I might do or might've done in my head, and so as a compulsion I would constantly read and research the laws regarding the specific acts despite me not wanting to do them or not having done them. This consumed hours of my days most days, growing up and made me feel like I was a monster because I genuinely believed I might do these things despite not wanting to. I also have also struggled with constant counting, I don't have a magic number, but I will count up till it feels right then start over or count down from a number that feels right, those are the two biggest impacts that take up a lot of time, and they are mainly internal. As a result I nevet told anyone and didn't know that was OCD till later in life and just lived with it for most of my childhood and teenage years

I'm newly diagnosed with OCD, thanks for this video.

As someone with severe OCD, this is an incredibly well-researched and articulate video that covers so many of the intricacies of living with OCD. I really hope that people without OCD come across this and truly take the time to learn something. I am desperate for OCD to become understood by the general public.

a lot of what is stereotypically described as "OCD" by laypeople is more along the lines of OCPD, imo. i think that it's unfortunate that these two disorders have such similar names because it sometimes can even confuse people who are diagnosed with one or the other. a lot of "stereotypically 'OCD' " characters i've seen, especially in older media, would probably be more appropriately described with OCPD--though I hesitate at the idea of throwing around personality disorders as labels even for fictional characters. the international OCD foundation has a really good fact sheet on OCPD that is easy enough to find with google (i would link it if that were viable in a youtube comment) some excerpts quoted from their fact sheet: OCPD is a type of “personality disorder” with these characteristics: • Rigid adherence to rules and regulations • An overwhelming need for order • Unwillingness to yield or give responsibilities to others • A sense of righteousness about the way things “should be done” What is the difference between OCPD and OCD? • People with OCD have insight, meaning they are aware that their unwanted thoughts are unreasonable. People with OCPD think their way is the “right and best way” and usually feel comfortable with such self-imposed systems of rules. • The thoughts, behaviors and feared consequences common to OCD are typically not relevant to real-life concerns; people with OCPD are fixated with following procedures to manage daily tasks • OCPD usually interferes with interpersonal relationships, but makes work functioning more efficient. It is not the job itself that is hurt by OCPD traits, but the relationships with co-workers, or even employers can be strained. • Typically, people with OCPD don’t believe they require treatment. They believe that if everyone else conformed to their strict rules, things would be fine! The threat of losing a job or a relationship due to interpersonal conflict may be the motivator for therapy. This is in contrast to people with OCD who feel tortured by their unwanted thoughts and rituals, and are more aware of the unreasonable demands that the symptoms place on others, often feeling guilty because of this.

i havent finished the video and i still havent gotten a diagnosis so take this with a grain of salt but this 16:26 is me. in my first year of high school i got an intrusive thought that severely fucked me up, it felt as if my world was shattered and my world view and view of myself has never been the same. for a good year i was stuck in my own head and had such massive anxiety and physical pain that resulted from it. it genuinely was the worst thing i have ever experienced it was like i was in constant battles with myself. what saved me was when i found a form of people talking about their experience with the specific ocd obsession i was struggling with. i cannot stress enough how much learning about others experiences helped me, and helped me find myself again. ive spent this last year basically recovering and learning more about ocd while still struggling with different obsessions. i still have bad days and a lot of doubt in my head regarding it (and it’ll probably be like that until i get an actual diagnosis) but genuinely videos and media like this that teach people what ocd is really like are so needed !!!!!!!!! i wonder what it could of been like had i actually knew what ocd was

It’s confusing to me when someone can’t understand the concept of an intrusive thought. I don’t have OCD, but I still sometimes have upsetting intrusive thoughts. Because I don’t have OCD, I’m able to go, oh, that’s really upsetting, let’s not go there, but like, it’s so easy to imagine what it would be like not to be able to do that.

Despite likely having it I often don't talk about my OCD and have never sought a diagnosis because of the nature of my intrusive thoughts. Most of mine are destructive towards either myself of others, and it's hard to describe to someone who doesn't understand that intrusive thoughts don't reflect me as a person. For years in my adolescence I thought something was deeply wrong with me, and only later did I understand that just because they're in my head doesn't mean I actually believe them.

Rowen, i just wanted to say that this video means so much to me as someone with severe intrusive thoughts. I am thinking about seeking out an OCD assessment because of this video and how much i resonate with it

I haven't finished the video yet, but I'd say that one of my favourite metaphorical representations of OCD comes from that one short animated student film "Contretemps" by Gobelins and I can't express enough how much I love it.

I literally went "Oooh!" several times out loud when I saw just THE TITLE of this video and the thumbnail like an excited chimpanzee. This is SUCH an important thing.

This video is so important! Hopefully, there will be a variety of OCD themes and less surface-level rep in the future which will help people get the help they need sooner x

This helped me more than you can possibly know... I thought there was no hope for me... That lack of hopelessness sure doesn't pair well with my depression. 😅

i was literally fuming about this whole concept earlier, so excited to watch this

Okay. I get the exact same "people can hear my thoughts" intrusive thoughts followed by the litany of horrible statements I don't agree with. I knew this was part of my OCD, and some other people must experience the same or similar things. But hearing someone else naturally explain their experience in a way identical to my own is still a HUGE relief. As much as we understand and accept our conditions, issues, and disabilities it is still so affirming every time we're reminded we are not alone in our experience.

I’m a psychologist, and I’ve also struggled with OCD myself since childhood. Your description is simply one of the best and most accurate I’ve ever heard. I really appreciate that you challenge the “sanitized” representation of OCD. In reality OCD is so often such an internal experience, invisible to others, and it becomes so isolating because the shame compounds those factors. My intrusive thoughts were genuinely terrifying and so horrifying to me that on more than one occasion I questioned how I would or could go on living. I didn’t want to have any of the thoughts I had but the fact that I had them and couldn’t get rid of them left me concluding that there must have been at least some part of me that did actually want to have those thoughts. I struggled in particular with obsessions related to fears that I would harm others or even had harmed others without knowing it. It led me to the conclusion that I must be a terrible person and left me terrified I would harm someone else in the worst possible ways I could imagine. My compulsions were sometimes fairly logical and concrete, like washing my hands repeatedly to reduce the possibility of spreading germs to others, avoiding being alone with people because I was afraid I’d hurt them, or driving around the neighborhood to make sure I hadn’t unknowingly hit someone with my car on my way home from work. Most of the time my compulsions were mental-counting words or syllables in sentences and making sure they totaled an even number but not the number 6 or any multiples of 6 or mentally reciting particular phrases or words in response to l intrusive thoughts. I’ve been through a lot of therapy and take medication, with which my OCD is pretty well-managed at this point, and I’m so grateful for that. This was a very poignant reminder of how absolutely devastating OCD really is, and there’s absolutely hope. Having the reality of OCD clarified and validated is a tremendously important part of that process. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and your own experience!

10:55 I relate to this, as someone not with OCD but with Anxiety Like...Minor context, I live in assisted living. And the caretaker has a family, that interacts with me and my roommates My light has been, crappy for awhile. It'd either be constantly flickering, giving me a headache. Or be really dim I've been meaning to ask the caretaker's (G) son (J) to fix my lights for, awhile. But didn't, because anxiety I knew it wouldn't really be a big deal. And that nobody has told me that I need to through out half my stuff (last group home/assisted living, was awful) But I still had that thought

My wife has OCD, but I never understood the seriousness of what she experiences until now. Thank you for explaining it so clearly!

I didn't know I had OCD (mostly moral) until like 6 months ago. I thought my constant vigilance about not being a bad person was actual evidence that I was really fucked up, so I never told therapists or anybody about it because then they would think I was horrible....I think a lot of people's OCD gets missed in that way. And of course only now am I getting treatment that actually helps my anxiety after 10+ years in therapy because normal CBT methods of arguing with the thoughts just made my OCD so much worse!

I was diagnosed with OCD 3 years ago at 30 years old. And at first, I completely brushed it off because my understanding of OCD didn’t fit with my feelings. But the more I learnt about different types of OCD, it made more sense.

The last bit of how it can be difficult to discuss the seemingly present conflict between social justice and talking about certain OCD themes really resonated with me. I've seen on OCD support groups and forums that suddenly break the reassurance rule when it comes to SO-OCD and Gender Identity -OCD when the person is straght and/or cis. Suddenly the person has to be told that it's OCD but anyone that's receieved treatment knows that reassurance is usually not a good thing for those with OCD. I think in queer spaces, we are really invested in our liberation that we hear people discuss these OCD themes and think "well they might just be 'in-denial'"but the reality is far from that but the effects can be just as debilitating. I think one of the wonderful things about queer liberation is that the narrative is focused on what you can openly be and less fixation on what you ought to be. I think there should always be compassion for those that are questioning because we can never truly know where its coming from. It's OK to not have it figured out and there's still plenty of time to figure it out. Maybe you'll never figure out your gender/sexual orientation, maybe you will. It's OK to uncertain. The OCD brain hurts uncertainty, and a huge part of treatment is learning to be OK with it.

One of my less frequent OCD obsessions that actually have physical compulsions is unplugging every electrical appliance so a house fire doesn't happen. My dad's friend and I were talking about OCD and I thought ahe understood me, but when I mentioned that obsession, she told me it wasn't OCD but a phobia. I can't even describe the bad emotions that came with her saying that. Felt let down

I have OCD but I can't really relate to people suffering like that from intrusive thoughts, they're not intentional after all and I learned to just ignore them... To me contamination and having to wash my hands and all the fears related to germs are far worse than thoughts I get.

So grateful for you making this video 😭😭😭 Literally tearing up watching because I have seen so little representation of OCD, and you have the platform to be heard. I also appreciate you acknowledging that OCD with cleaning compulsions is real (and distressing). Often because this type of OCD is so overrepresented in media, there is a reactive tendency among people who have OCD to say that OCD is NOT about cleaning. This just isn't always borne out by reality. I completely agree that we need the space to safely have discussions and actually build community knowledge and share experiences in a safe space. You had mentioned having the obsession about people being able to hear your thoughts- I've had many similar ones, and despite being reasonably educated about OCD, this is the first time I have heard someone else say they have this obsession. I would love for us to be able to share these things freely. I think a lot of this also applies to psychosis. The conversation around mental health and neurodiversity has also not encompassed them with understanding. The conversation and the spaces it creates are lacking for people with OCD, with psychosis, with personality disorders, and other less understood and more stigmatized disorders.

I have OLP type of synesthesia (letters/numbers/etc are personified), and for a long time, mistook it as a symptom of my OCD. It wasn't until I discovered that hearing colors wasn't normal that I was able to sort out which was which. What's interesting is that my OCD actually plays into my synesthesia, such as counting to multiples of four (which is a "good" number in my OLP), or needing to play a certain color song as a remedy to intrusive thoughts, for example. Having my mirror touch/mirror pain synesthesia activated when I wasn't expecting sometimes ends up in me needing to leave the room in the exact path I entered avoiding stepping on lines. Additionally, my OCD is only present when my anxiety is acting up. If my depression is bad sometimes my synesthesia is not as intense. How conditions react and interact with each other fascinates me, and I don't feel like there's a lot of research and literature on the subject matter.

I like to arrange stuff, having them in more symmetric configurations makes me happy. And the amount of people who are like "wow thats so ocd of you" is really sad.

As someone not super knowledgeable about ocd before, (beyond the compulsion to have things follow specific patterns), the video was great at explaining the underlying thoughts of it all

I’m only in the first 7 minutes but I’m relating HARD to this. The whole “making a bargain in your head so bad things won’t happen” thing was my entire childhood. I truly didn’t know that was part of the diagnosis. I’d seen stuff past simple cleaning like flicking light switches, checking locks and ovens, etc, but that still didn’t seem like my experience. It doesn’t really present as anything physical for me so I didn’t see myself in that context. Thanks pop culture. I’ll report back once I’ve finished the vid!!

Intrusive thoughts fucking SUCKS. I hate it SO MUCH 😭 I can’t imagine having to deal with ocd on top of it all

"You want to make sure that you're crazy before you tell people that you think you're crazy" really resonated with me and my experience with OCD. I would research OCD at different points in my life trying to convince myself and those around me that I have it, which was pretty unsuccessful before I started therapy but much more successful after since now we all have a mental health expert to trust

Thank you! i feel so thankful that you made this video. With conversations like these I stop feeling like a forever victim of my brain and i feel more like a human who shares similar pain with a lot of others

Wow… I was just recently diagnosed with OCD and what you created is exactly what’s gone on in my head. My mind has become an entertaining place, where I used to have what I realizing are compulsions to imagine things like an archer shooting down monsters that I obsessed over.

Haven't seen the video but just wanted to quickly say: Rowan, thank you so much for being open about your OCD and making content about it that is honest about how hard it can be to have at times. Years ago I saw a video of yours about intrusive thoughts and it was literally life changing. At that point in my life I thought I was a genuinely horrible human because of my thoughts and had never heard of the term before, and hearing someone else talk about their own struggles with it was such a big deal. Nowadays I'm receiving proper treatment for my anxiety issues, and one of the catalysts for me even getting to this point was learning that my thoughts don't define me or make me defective, which was taught to me by you. Thank you.

For that “my intrusive thoughts won” trend, did that start as people actually talking about intrusive thoughts then it spread out into the disaster it became? I remember the first skit TT I saw was someone in a dark way making light of her intrusive thoughts while driving and I swear it had something about “if my intrusive thoughts won” or something but that could be my brain inserting the trend into the TT. It wasn’t until after I saw that TT that I saw that horrid misrepresentation of a trend take over TT and the 1st TT I saw was big by a big creator. I guess in the end it doesn’t matter how this trend started with how much damage it created but it feels like there would be something else to it if it started as people actually talking about their experience in a dark humor way

What you said about house numbers at 25:30…. That’s just absolutely floored me. I’ve done that all my life, really since I was a child. I have a lot of different things I do in my head that I’ve always brushed off as being nothing, but also always wondered if some of it could be explained as OCD… thank you for the video it’s very informative

I've been in the mental healthcare system for 14 years, first for anxiety and panic attacks, then depression. At age 20 I got a tentative diagnosis of OCD but it appeared mild - my outward compulsions and associated obsessions were and still are mild. Now I'm 28 and with a good therapist who is helping me see what things are obsessions and compulsions but are internal or mental, and those are the much more severe parts of my OCD. For a long time it's been like a systemic illness causing all kinds of symptoms but no doctor can recognize the root cause. My thoughts have always been my thoughts and nothing more. Until now. I feel like I've been trying to find a needle in a haystack for years but it turns out every tenth piece of hay had a needle inside. And at the same time I doubt I even have OCD which is a common experience as it turns out lol.

I’m only a few minutes into the video, but I’d like to add: compulsions can also be specific thoughts! Sometimes, the compulsions are *not visible* ! It took me so long to stop feeling imposter syndrome because my OCD is primarily the ‘Pure O’ type and you *never* hear or see about that in the media.

I can have all kinds of intrusive thoughts, not sure if I have OCD, but what you said about having intrusive thoughts that people can read your mind and then immediately thinking bad, sometimes bigoted things against your will sounds _very_ familiar.

The reason it took me so long to realize I have OCD is because my symptoms didn't match the typical representation of it in the media. I do a lot of my own research around mental health, and never looked up OCD, as I am not a clean freak or need things to be organized neatly. When I finally understood it, and brought it up to the therapist I was seeing, she dismissed me right away without hearing too much. It took cycling around 2-3 therapists to finally find one who was able to diagnose me and get me the right help. I really want there to be more awareness and diverse representation of OCD, as there are so many people who are undiagnosed right now and isn't getting help due to the stereotypical understanding of OCD

Thank you for this video. OCD is pure mental torture and 99.9% of people without it don’t understand it or how bad it can be. My childhood was marked by being late for school because I thought that if I didn’t change my outfit a certain number of times, my mom would die. I’m often late for work because I have to check and see if my house is locked over and over. Every time I drive, I have at least one moment where I graphically imagine that I’ve hit a pedestrian. And my intrusive thoughts around sexual and/or violent situations have caused the only times I’ve ever thought about…unsubscribing from life. It’s atrocious, I’ve tried multiple medications and therapies and while they’ve improved it a bit, nothing will make it stop. Now I’m just living with it and it’s rly meaningful to see an acknowledgment of the suffering that I (and many others) fear we will face for the rest of our lives.

I've recently begun learning more about ocd and am surprised at how much I see myself in other people's descriptions. Thank you for helping me learn more

I have Contamination OCD and my house was a COMPLETE MESS because of that ( and suspected ADHD). because of my fear of contamination I could not touch anything "contaminated" so I left it were it wzs or on the ground (wich was by default : contamination zone) VERY far from sanitized representation.

Thank you so much for this video. I've never seen a video essay about OCD before and I've been suffering with it for so long it's become a painful part of my identity I feel like most people can't relate to. They either think it's funny and stupid or dangerous and deserving of punishment. I literally saw a comment on tiktok saying people "who think about stuff like this should be put down like dogs". I almost spiralled righ there and then. Thanks again.

Happy Pride Month! 🌈 Also, as usual, you’ve chosen a great topic. I remember growing how self-diagnosing one with OCD because one liked things neat was a thing.

Thank you so much for making this video, it really helped me feel better about my intrusive thoughts :)

I was surprised that Maria Bamford didn't come up. Her show Lady Dynamite, being written and starred in by a person with OCD, feels very different to a lot of the media you discussed. Her stand up is very explicit in what her experience with OCD is like, and was very enlightening to me.

i’ve been coming to terms with the fact I probably have OCD over the past year or so. it’s just so off-putting and mind-blowing to be able to finally have this discourse with strangers online bc the intrusive thoughts are so horrible you automatically know you can’t/never want to tell anyone about them because they’re so against who you are and what you want, and admitting you have thoughts that take over your brain that you have no control over makes you sound unstable and insane to any person who is ignorant to this experience 😭😭😭😭😭

its so so so heartening to hear my symptoms and Dxs reflected back to me. thank you

I thank you SO much for making a video like this, I felt so alone with my intrusive thoughts until I learned about its links to ocd.

This reminds me of that horror _Cissy_ a lot. Cecilia accidentally does something a part of her intrusive thought during her obsession and it causes chaos that ladts decades and destroys lives. It was intense and the ehole time O kept thinking "that's what you get for goading and bullying mentally ill vulnerable person." Ok ta horror sp don't go in expecting justice or goodness.

I’m currently 21 and I’m really coming to terms with the specifics of how OCD has impacted my life and my relationships with people. I only recently started to try and link some of the things that I do which I previously thought were just little quirks, but realized were external manifestations of my OCD. And it’s really nice to hear to hear someone comment on how OCD is depicted on TV and how individuals perceive OCD has been really helpful for trying to define and decode how this has effected me my entire life.

I don't have OCD and none of what you said made me feel icky or uncomfortable. You explained it very well. I learned so much, thank you.