Anytime Christian, thanks so much for sharing and helping 😊

@@teresahoang6593 I’ve had it for around six months, and there are nights where I still don’t sleep that great however I no longer try to fight those nights and I let them take me wherever it takes me. The thing that keeps the cycle continuing indefinitely is the anxiety of not wanting to experience those nights. If you can allow yourself to have those nights without resisting, it will slowly ease off your mind.

Hey Christian -- No question from me. Just wanted to say this video was great. I don't know that I've seen anyone frame the insomnia experience as precisely and eloquently as you did here.

Thanks for sharing man. During this time when you were dealing with this were you ever getting sleepy? This is similar to my situation and I seem to never even get sleepy.

@@drewholland8329 that’s because you’re in a state of adrenaline/anxiety. It’s completely normal, it’s as if you’ve lost the ability to feel tired. It will slowly dissipate the more comfortable you get with it.

So glad you found this talk Amy, and I hope the book will help much!

How is your sleep now?

I understand. The fear comes from a plethora of really bad nights, nights where you wouldn’t allow yourself to be awake and to enjoy it. When you figure out your own way of enjoying being up, and you’ll actually begin to look forward to them.

I'm the same I've been using mirtazapine which i regret. Yes I'm sleeping most nights but I can't fully eliminate the fear of Insomnia until I do it with no medication. That's when I will truly feel confident in my ability to sleep and hopefully the sleep anxiety will fade away in time

No problem my friend. Face your fear head on, and let go of controlling how you sleep and it’ll be transformative.

@@chris10isleyen how’s your sleep since then?

@@chris10isleyen hi Chris, is your sleep better now?

I understand completely. When I developed insomnia, it developed after an extremely stressful and anxiety inducing period in my life. I struggled for a long time before I realized it is not insomnia itself that it is the problem, but my extreme extreme resistant to experiencing it. If you willing allow yourself to experience it, and drop all safety mechanisms to 150% guarantee sleep, it will fade. Stop counting how many hours you sleep, stop being in bed AT A CERTAIN TIME etc. Allow sleep to become the most thoughtless and effortless experience possible. Sleep is a huge side effect of being completely at ease. The more you resist being awake the cycle continues. I had a night the other night where I couldn't sleep. I am in the process of quitting smoking so trouble sleeping was it expected. I think I slept two hours. But, i got up and lived my life and at the end of the night I passed out. Your attitude to not being able to sleep is about 85% of what recovery is about. It isn't about achieving sleep, it's about even if you don't sleep, you know you will be fine.

Anytime, thanks so much for sharing and for the kind kind words 😊 Rooting for you!!

I get that completely. My parents told me the same thing, my Dad specifically because he had a brief instance of it. Don’t fight it. Go to it. If you’re afraid, acknowledge it. “I am afraid because I cannot control you and that disturbs me. But I am going to let do your thing.”. When I stopped trying to induce sleep, sleep happens.

😊🙏! So so glad you found this, and I know I speak for Christian as well, he really wanted to help. Thanks much for the support and, you’re in the path that leads where we went to be

Letting go was the one thing that I struggled to understand. But by letting go, you essentially say: “I may or may not go through this, but I will no longer try to prevent it from happening.”.

@@chris10isleyen soooo spot on! You word it so well. Thanks so much for sharing your story

Acceptance is when you recognize the situation you’re in, along with the feelings thoughts and sensations, and rather than try to change it you take it for what it is and go with it. The panic is your brain going “HEY MAN, UH WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT THIS?” Try not to think of them as you. Your loudest signal you could ever possibly send to the mind that it is no longer an issue is to live your life as if you don’t have it, and when it does happen you experience it and purposely do the things you love and enjoy in the night. You don’t have to leave your bed either. Your bed is a place of relaxation and rest, that doesn’t mean you have to be asleep. The more and more you expose yourself to it, and not resist it, it will fade. I still get thoughts to this day, and still have spotty nights. The difference being, I no longer fight them.

@@chris10isleyen thank you so muchhh! 💯

@@chris10isleyen Hi, My concern is what if you’re going through a stretch of sleepless nights. It gets harder with each night to stay calm and do something productive.

@@user-zq4dj9ph3k think of it like this, every attempt to solve or fix the problem, will further reinforce to your brain that “this is a life threatening issue that is going to kill me.”. Every google search, every supplement, technique, will solidify the pressure, the anxiety, to become a constant ever playing program that occurs right on time. To truly overcome the struggle of sleepless nights filled with anxiety and worry, is to address that you feel that way, by you continue living anyways. It takes courage, because at the time your mind will constantly play back the same issues. You truly have to let go and have faith and say “yeah I may have this issue, but I will no longer allow you to rule my life and affect my decisions.”. If you’re scared, that is the direction to go in. Because when you face your fears head on, and say “Yeah I’m scared, but I do not care do your worse” your fear loses power over you. Remember, fear is the mind killer.

Hi Amber, It is true that one of the most common things you’ll hear someone who no longer struggles with sleep will say helped is - “I stopped caring about sleep.” And on one hand we can see that this makes sense. It’s when we are putting sleep on a piedestal, making it something we desire and try to obtain, that’s when we struggle with sleep. On the other hand - how can one not care about sleep? After pondering this quite a bit, I realized that the person who says they “don’t care” - they actually do. We all do! All humans want to sleep well. But what they mean is something different. They mean that they are not attached to the outcome, they are okay with either a night of peaceful sleep and a choppy night. Both outcomes any given night is acceptable. This is actually where the idea of Natto (not attached to the outcome) mindset comes from. So in summary - there’s no need to try to make oneself not care! But, it helps when we see that we can’t control what happens any given night and find ourselves becoming willing to experience each outcome. Speaking of which, one outcome is not letting go, and when we no longer judge ourselves for this, or for how we feel, then things do get easier.

Hey Amber, I saw your comment and I wanted to add on what Daniel said. I still have nights where I don’t sleep that good, or I won’t pass out immediately, or I don’t get much sleep. However, this whole thing starts because of our association of some bad nights and how we responded to them. When I stopped caring, I essentially told myself “for better or worse, I’m going to stop trying to fix this.”. Because I just couldn’t mentally do it anymore it was just too exhausting for me. And what I began to realize is, the sleep itself wasn’t the problem, it’s what I kept doing to prevent it from happening. All this research, all this supplements, all these rules I was doing, was telling my subconscious that this was something that was a huge threat. And the more I tried to fix it the more I failed. So when you stop caring, you essentially become accepting of whatever happens. However, to get there, requires courage. Because the reality is this is a test of facing our fears when we’re scared of something we don’t know how to avoid. Anxiety in my experience becomes completely solidified when we commit our entire life to prevent a less than desirable outcome from happening. Living in a state of prevention is what makes it stay with you indefinitely. It really is a life lesson, on how to properly respond to the things that worry and stress us. And to be honest, choosing a different way to respond, and time are the two biggest factors that helped me overcome it. When you feeling the fear and anxiety coming do not run from them, sit with them. Because your brain will slowly start picking up on you not treating it like a life or death situation. So when you feel the coming on acknowledge it “Okay, my nerves are acting up. It’s 12:15 am and I’m still not sleeping. That’s fine, I’m going to watch TV. Okay I’m feeling sleepy, I’m going to try again.”. And that’s how it gets better. You keep pushing that boundary and keep being comfortable with anything that comes your way. The main responsibility is to try to convince yourself this is no longer an issue and to live your life regardless of what happens. I hope this was it some help.

So so glad it did Marta 🙂 Christian will be too when he sees this. Especially after so many years of struggle, it shows we can always leave these inner struggles. Thanks so much for the support 🙏

I’m so glad that I could be of help! I’ve had my fair share of anxiety in different forms over the years and insomnia was probably the strongest I’ve felt. Once I realized this, I found myself understanding that in order to overcome the things that make us anxious we must allow ourselves to experience it. Because the reality is, all form of anxiety is just us trying to save ourselves from whatever we perceive as a threat.

im going through the same thing marta. It will all work out in the end, lack of sleep is fine, it wont kill you or do anything.. just fuck up brain a little bit and make you tired.. headaches and all.. all these people overexaggerate and it just makes our anxiety worse. I pray for you, or anyone who is going through this.. it will get better trust me... virtual hugs to all of you...

I started to look at it as a disease. Like ok I've got this insomnia disease but I'm not going to let that ruin my life. I'm going to live my life fully despite it. That is what allowed me to finally accept it and get better nights.

This is the way

In a similar fashion that’s what helped me as well.

Thanks!!

Agree ☺️!

He does indeed, and I’ll keep this suggestion in mind 🙂

So glad you’re finding value in these stories FR 😊

Thank you for your heartfelt words! We want to assure you that your comments are seen and deeply appreciated. We're grateful that the message resonated with you and that it's contributing to a meaningful conversation. Your support means a lot, and we're glad it made sense to you. 💙

So glad you found this Perrin, and thanks for sharing. Christian was hoping so much to help

You can! And you will!

I sat with them and recognized that it was a habitual stress response that was activating due to how I reacted previously to not being able to sleep. Your brain stores that information and will release those same feelings out of habit. The best thing to do is to acknowledge your feelings of anxiety but rather than push them out, allow them to be there. It’s your body’s built in threat detection system, and by you not reacting and going with it, your brain will realize it is no longer a threat. I hope this was of some help.

Anytime! I wanted to make sure I was in depth as possible so people could pick up the thought processes on how it works.

Christian, it's a great video thank you. But I just don't know what to 'do' when I'm lying there awake in the night, even if I stay calm, it seems impossible to stay like that for hours and soon the fear begins to creep up on you once you realise you are not falling asleep, even if you're not trying to do anything to sleep, how can you get the same a point of not caring about being awake when you have a hard day at work the next day or you've planned something active with your friends or family and you know you're going to feel awful or even potentially dangerous doing something like driving, there is a real impact on your life, or at least for me there is and that is what fuels the fear

@@jamesb4861 the fear is fueled primarily due to the inability to experience those sensations and circumstances. Until you fully surrender and allow yourself to go through that experience, it’ll always be on your mind. As far as what to do, if you can’t fall asleep, think of any possible enjoyable thing you like partaking in, and do it. Think of it like this: what would you be doing if it was five hours earlier in the day?

Hey Patti! Did your frequent urination thing solve? Mine has become very serious these days and very annoying where I am getting up in every 5-10 mins to pee. It happens even throughout the day now. But it's very strange because on days that I am super exhausted and I immediately fall asleep I would wake up hours later to go to pee but when I can't fall asleep then I need to go again and again. I am seeing doctors but no help really.

@@poojachhatwani yes! All symptoms of anxiety! I’m still in recovery, but doing better for sure! It’s a long haul but it’s so worth it! My guess is this will resolve for you given time

Yes being calm and accepting of the situation is the first step in overcoming sleep anxiety.

@@chris10isleyen thank you for the reply. I am definitely on the up now!

I’m curious if you’ve tried any medications. I’m dealing with this too

@@chris10isleyen I’m curious if the doctors gave you any medications and did you take them

Lucy, so so glad you saw this episode and that it brought so much value. Christian will be so happy to see this, he really wanted to help. Also glad things have been easier lately 🙂

@@thesleepcoachschool8192 Yes, he provided great encouragement & support :)🙏thank you both. Ps I am also using the Guy Meadows book -great for more on the details of acceptance :)

I’m glad I could be of help! Acceptance used to really confuse me as well. I kept looking at it as more of an emotion rather than a deliberate decision and thought process.

@@chris10isleyen Ah lovely to speak to you! Your video is another great one here, packed with so much help & inspiration :) Yes I had great long difficulty accepting acceptance! Esp as I'd managed to clear it before for months with finally realizing I had a choice & as if stepping out of the whole thing. Accepting felt like the opposite & with these jerks it felt like lying down to be tortured & not even able to bite a bit of rubber! But I'm seeing that acceptance is the same as what I did before but working through rather than jumping to the end, which is more of a foundational approach. I am so pleased as I was also able to use this approach for the small weed smoking habit I'd got stuck in before sleeping for ages recently...I finally felt ready to 'allow' & trust' & it worked. Id tried not to have it the night before & had an allnighter but I felt ok physically (which is such an improvement too) just worried about getting past it.. So pleased, another milestone.. acceptance is a superpower!!! :)

@@lucylight176 Acceptance is the one thing that makes a difference. I still have bad nights here and there. For what reason I honestly have no clue, I just don't fall asleep for whatever reason. The less we treat sleep as a thing we have to manage, the better.

By literally sitting with the feelings and not trying to push them away. Your brain is powered by your reactions. So if you go to bed thinking “Oh please god I hope I get to sleep tonight.” Your brain will register it as a legitimate threat to your survival. So it’s not about trying to sleep, it’s more about how we choose to respond to not sleeping. I hope this helped out.

@@chris10isleyen it helps a lot! Thank you so much for your response. I'm working on it :)

When you allow yourself to experience those feelings and try to make the best of those days, the fear will leave you gradually.

Anytime Kevin and you know, it can seem so unlike but as Christian points out, even the fatigue is mostly an emotion… but listen to our playlist called unrefreshing sleep, link in description, that can help so much

“We can’t change what happens to us, but we can choose how we respond.”.

Santiago! So nice seeing you here again, and thanks for sharing the episode we talked about 🙏

Hi I don’t understand the reaction part. I know I’m going through a sleepless night. My heart is racing and brain is throwing intrusive thoughts. I’m panicking. Is that my reaction or my body’s reaction to the adrenaline? I just can’t seem to distinguish.

@@user-zq4dj9ph3k it’s a mixture of the two. The brain throwing thoughts, and the heart racing is due to the consistent familiarity of not sleeping being a threat. You have to change it by allowing it to happen and not resisting being unable to sleep.

@@chris10isleyen Hi, so basically I’m in this cycle where I want to stay awake and watch what happens. Everytime I close my eyes, my adrenaline increases and intrusive thoughts come flooding to the point that I feel like there’s no way out. How do I break free from this cycle? I’m supposed to observe my thoughts but how do I do so?

Hi Charlie, Sorry to hear but yes, we have a playlist on this that I think can really help, especially learning about emotional fatigue. Check the unrefreshing sleep playlist, link in description of any new video.

So glad hairy to hear that things are getting easier. And often when that happens, and when, for example, Alina gets the question of how to move forward, it can be answered with a follow-up question, which is what led you to this place? Whatever lead to things getting a bit easier, for example, education and courage and self kindness, it also leads to even more peace of mind :-)

@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thanks for replying, honestly you’re the best I’ve been watching a lot of your videos!

😊

Yes the pressure of trying to fall asleep is something that was very very debilitating at first. Acceptance also includes acknowledging “okay, I’m trying to force myself to sleep, but why?”. Insomnia really sinks into the fear of the unknown, and will have do things in order to prevent it from reoccurring. So, what I started doing was, if I couldn’t fall asleep, I’d turn on my tv, watch tv, scroll on my phone and PURPOSEFULLY look at the time, and not trying to change anything and just ride it out. Because it’s all about sending the message to the subconscious that the inability to fall asleep is no longer a threat to your well being. Little by little this pressure will fade.

Thank you for your answer. The message to your subconsiousnes that its no issue anymore to be awake is key👍 Thanks for your openness. Greetings, Alexander

So glad to hear 🙂 and sure it’s Guy Meadows

Thank you so much, I'm at the end of my tether & am willing to try anything after years of little or no sleep. Have downloaded the book to my kindle. Thank you for your prompt reply.

Anytime Chrisanne, hope you find much value there. Oh and the most common question from the book I get is “Do we really have to stay in bed at night?”. I think Meadows would say no, it’s about not trying to avoid the anxiety. Often we get out of bed to escape a feeling. But I think he’d agree that if we just want to get up, just because it feels nice, then there’s no issues.

Befriending wakefulness is essentially allowing yourself to enjoy being up, by… being up. Want to watch a movie? Go ahead. Got books to read? Turn away! The tired and drained factor in my experience, is a result of physical restlessness, the tossing and turning and the constant movement. Now, fatigue is an issue with lack of sleep. I slept around five hours last night and felt a little off today, but I still pushed myself to go out and do things. When you overcome the feelings of fatigue and keep going, it’ll get to the point where it no longer bothers you.

Thanks so much for replying Christian and also Melissa, I picked your comment for today’s episode. Hope that helps as well!

Thank you both Daniel and Chris! Really helped a lot!

😊

@@chris10isleyen Hi Chris, I also believe the tired and drained is (partly) a result of physical restlessness. However, sometimes the urge to toss and turn or change position seems unavoidable, especially when there's a strong anxiety component. Would you suggest to try and remain as still as possible even if it feels really uncomfortable?

Hey there! Thanks for sharing your experience. Just a quick heads-up: we're hosting live Q&A sessions most weeks and we'd love for you to join us! It's a great chance to ask questions, share insights, and connect with others in the community.

Has anything worked for you, going through it too, at the acceptance stage sort of

Daniel, can you answer this. My ocd makes me overthink it. I don’t think acceptance is an effort at all…

@@ballisbulat5512 acceptance is the complete opposite of effort. It’s recognizing the current situation that you’re in and willingly allowing it to run it’s course.

I really understand. I became too preoccupied/obsessed on how exactly to do it. If you can put your 'effort' or 'obsession with acceptance' into the accepting itself -so ALL of it is in there -the worrying, the worrying about worrying, all the symptoms -everything -just KNOW you are accepting it all and let it go -with a sense -it can do what it needs. At least that is what is working for me :) hope this helps :) your brain feels physically more settled after too, not having to work it out anymore :) relief!!

@@chris10isleyen yes, i actually got this after a few minutes. It is the opposite of struggle. Helped me with a lot of ocd themes. It takes practice, and you wont be able to get relief when you’re in the thick of it. But once the anxiety is gone, you can even laugh abt your struggle and how silly it is. Its crazy.

@@ballisbulat5512 I’ve had some OCD themes in the past and acceptance allowed me to pass them by. Whenever we don’t accept our own thoughts feelings and sensations, our brain takes a registered note that it’s a threat to our wellbeing. However, if the anxiety kicks in the one thing to do is “Okay, my body and mind think this is a threat to me, now I’m GONNA show it’s not, by doing nothing at all.”. With anxiety less is more.