I lost my daughter in 2023 October. She delivered a healthy girl baby who was 6 days old when this happened. I'm still grieving. 😢

I wonder how many times she had practiced this speech so that she wouldn’t burst out crying when she talked about her daughter’s death. My respect.

Resilience - especially three strategies: a) 7:10 - acceptance/acknowlegdement of situation as part of life b) 8:18 - selectional attention (focus on things you can change/ on positive things, e.g. name three things you are/were grateful for) c) 12:20 - "is what you are doing helping or harming you?" (control over situation/ be kind to yourself/ according to speakers experience - most powerful/useful tool) Thank you for sharing. Stay strong!

"don't lose what you have to what you have lost" wow.

My father has been fighting stage 4 lung cancer since I was in middle school. It's been 7 years by now. He had never smoked his entire life, and he barely ever drunk. The tumor has metastasized to the brain and he had an epilepsy due to cerebral edema, which I had to witness myself. I feel so lucky that he is still alive with me, thanks to the clinical trials in targeted therapy. I had three more major hardships in life, and I am going through an anxiety disorder because of all this. I am very proud for myself for not giving up, and I never will. Let's get through this together.

“Don’t lose what you have for what you have lost!” - what a wonderful, powerful and life changing thought! Thank you Lucy!

I buried my son in 2014. He was almost 21 and died in the military. I didn’t realize it, but I basically did these things that she is talking about. I also have faith in Jesus.

I’ve just returned from months in Ukraine. Every family I met has lost at least one family member or a close friend to the war. Your 3 strategies seem to have taken root there. Ukrainians are the most resilient people I know. Thank you for your powerful work.

I just want to hug her. To not only go through it, but to help others too. She's amazing

Wonderfully presented by Lucy Hone 1. Know that there's suffering in life 2. Choose those aspects which are in our control 3. Is what we are doing helping or harming us? Amazing strategies, it helps immensely!

Engraining this in my mind: 1) Sh*t happens. Suffering is part of life. 2) Don't waste my energy on things I cannot change. Pay attention to things that are in my control and learn to accept what is not. 3) Is what I am doing/thinking helping me or harming me? Be kind to myself. "Don't lose what you have to what you have lost."

Your daughter would be proud beyond measure of the way you have used her passing to help others - and yourself. xx

I have an illness that leaves me sobbing on the floor in pain every few months. I can at least testify to the second resilience secret: looking for at least one positive thing. I've looked at my pain as chance to increase my pain tolerance, and I've expressed gratitude to the people who helped me through it. That helps more than anything!!

Lost my son 4 months ago. Thank you so much for this wonderful and powerful video. It helps.

Can't tell you how many times I have viewed this Ted talk over the last two months. It's saving my life really. Thank you

I have huge respect for this lady. I can't imagine what it would be like to have to bury your own child, let alone talk about such a painful experience of losing one's kid in such a public setting in order to help complete strangers.

I am so grateful for your talk today. Back in 1983 my wonderful son Scott was killed in a car accident. As a single mother and he my only child, I did not want to go on. I can still recall the excruciating pain. What helped me the most over the years was to see that Scott was such a gift to me. So, I tried to focus on how fortunate I was to have had him inbefore

"It is possible to live and grieve at the same time." Good to know.

Far out. The pain in her face. I just want to hug her.

Whenever you feel as if you've hit rock bottom, remember this; there's no where else to go but up. Thank you for this video.

For all of us, let we know this: "It is possible to live and grieve at the same time".

How helpful this would have been 15 years ago when I lost my wife of 38 years.

I lost both my brothers to Muscular Dystrophy. I got temporarily better by having my daughter. But my loss came back to haunt me in later life. There is a hole in my life without them aging with me!

Gosh, this lady is special beyond words. Teaching us her resilience strategies has helped so many people live through grief & pain. It certainly gives us all hope.

When you hear other people’s stories, makes you appreciate your problems are maybe not that bad

Heavens! This woman has in her face the scars of suffering but also the strong marks of mastery over the pains of life.

Thank you so much for this. My husband recently passed and many ask and comment on how "strong I am" and it tends to anger me because I am only doing what is best for myself and our young daughter. It is what he would have wanted me to do. I grieve...I cry...I wish he was here, but I also fight and live each day and use self-talk to guide myself through each moment. It was refreshing to hear what I do in my brain being spoken as a TedTalk. :)

"I didn't need to be told how bad things were . . .What I needed was hope." Dr.Lucy Hone. I'm so glad she addressed the well-meant advice that winds up depleting the energies and exacerbating the pain of people who are already suffering and feeling overwhelmed. I'm glad she offers a path forward that doesn't sugarcoat reality and acknowledges the obstacles and expectations people have, and then offers a practical mindset and approach for dealing with those things.

1. Realise that suffering happens to everyone. 2. Be grateful. Write down 3 things you are grateful for each day. 3. Ask yourself: Is what I'm doing helping or harming me?

Wonderful talk!!! I’m 84, I have experienced many, many of your named experiences, your so right..in the blink of an eye, life can change completely. Thank you for sharing your story.

"Don't lose what you have to what you have lost" 10:22

People have ridiculed the title of my book (on Amazon): “The Ten Gifts Of Grief” by Hawthorne Wood (on Amazon). In fact, though the book gets mostly five star reviews, one man gave it a poor one because (though he hadn’tread the book) he wrote: “No! How can you possibly say there are GIFTS of grief?” thereby consigning it to the “unsold” table. In the book I don’t deny my grief after losing my soulmate and beloved husband of 25 years to a mountain climbing accident. The rug was pulled out from under me, and I wept with every word I wrote. But: I wanted to share the good that came for me - including the unexpected humor and the love I’d taken for granted would never end (and of course, never does, in the spiritual realm.) I like this talk because it’s exactly what I believe about grief, too. There is nothing we can’t deal with, no matter its terrors. 😊Martha Woodworth.

Fantastic. I can't believe at my age 84 I've came to precisely the same conclusion. Thank you . I did the same thing with photos of those I lost.

You certainly can’t comprehend what anyone goes through in this life. Many people out there have horrendous things happen to them for absolutely no reason and through no fault of their own. It helps to be nice in this world, positivity won’t make your problems go away, the “bad” in life seems to almost always bring out the good in other ways and in other places, whatever is broken and cracked can always be mended in some way but perhaps not in the way you wanted...regardless of what you’ve been through, where you are...life always goes on! She’s correct, ALL you have to do is want to live, that will is enough to carry you through, at least to the next day! One day at a time, one foot in front of the other, go forward yet you will sometimes go backwards. Btw, I’m an abuse survivor and I’ve lived a fairly difficult but interesting life. I don’t consider myself an optimistic person, fake happiness is depressing. If anything, I’m a realist but also a dreamer.

Great talk, I would have loved to hear this many years ago, however I didn’t realize that I was resilient until now. I have lost my Mother, Father and finally my sister after she couldn’t stand her life without mom and dad. All past away about 18 months of each other leaving me a single father of 4 alone and lost. It took what seemed like forever but I woke up and was shown the way to life through prayers and honesty talking with my children. Our life is changing so quickly now for the better and we are definitely reaping the rewards of faith and believing in US. Thank you so very much for sharing!!! Have a great day and live a safe and happy life!!!

My son, who is 12, says to me when i am a bit sad: " Papa you should be thankful that i am healthy and happy" powerful message, thank you for this gift given to us; just a brilliant presentation coming from your Heart&soul.

I want to give this woman a hug for her wisdom and for her grief :)

Essential this is the serenity prayer. Accept the things you cannot change, have courage to change the things you can, and be wise to know the difference

Thanks a lot for sharing this! I find this very helpful! “The doctor is effective only when he himself is affected. Only the wounded physician heals.” ― C.G. Jung

Goodness me, this was a truly powerful speech. Her words were so authentic and the simplicity of her guidance was so impactful, definitely one of the best TED Talks I've heard yet!

That was worthy of a standing ovation, wow!

Amazing is an often overused word, but this woman truly is. Through unbearable hurt she seeks to help others and lessen their pain. Wow.

To me, this person is straight up no bs and this is one of the most impressive self-awareness-oriented TED or TEDx presentations out there.

Thank you for this lecture. Yes, deciding to look for the good can absolutely change our lives through changing our perspective. Refusing to live as a victim is key.

She just cured my depression. Thanks for every word you spoke it was well needed.

What a phenomenal woman.

"Is this helping or harming me" . This is something walking with Holy Spirit has blessed me with. When we accept Jesus into our lives we become his Temple. He protects his temple by convicting us, correcting our thoughts and changing our actions. He will change so much in your life you'll look up one day and realize you are made new all due to his love.

Briefing. *She shares the story of the loss of her daughter* 1) Resilient people acknowledge that s&* happens. They are aware that it doesn't just happen to the next person, but can also happen to them. This keeps them from the idea of why me. 2) They focus on the positive and the things they can change. That doesn't mean they completely tune out the negative, but their focus is to tune into the good stuff :). Choose life, not death! 3) Resilient people ask themselves the question, whether what their doing is helping them or harming them. Ex. If looking at a picture of her daughter distresses her, she avoids it. "I won't pretend that thinking this way is easy, and that it would remove all the pain, but if I learn't anything, thinking this way really does help, and more than anything, it showed me it is possible to live and grieve at the same time." - Lucy Hone

This lady is the epitome of taking lemons and making lemonade she took a tragic devastating experience and created a speech that can empower so many people. Mad respect!

Chances are she and Prof. Jordan Peterson will get along quite well. They both are on a quest to bring academic knowledge into people's lives. That, to me is true generosity.

I can only imagine her pain. No mother will ever 100% move on without a pain in their hearts when remembering the child they lost.

This was tough to watch. So much respect for sharing her story. Also excellent advise, thank you.

One of the best TED Talk I have ever come accross.

Be kind to yourself. Best feedback you can give yourself. Thank you for sharing .

"Don't lose what you have, to what you have lost."

"Adversity doesn't discriminate." Brilliant quote. I will use this in my classes. So well said!!

Hats off to this lady...i have met a 20 year old pretty girl who is the one i found resiliant in my surrounding . I always tell her that she is very brave n strong and i also ask her to share it with me . Today i came to know that her braveness really is resilience. I request you all to wish good best for her ...she is a best friend of mine ,a real fellow. Thank you

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger ,i do learning Everday

I was born resilient. It’s the word who defines me.

I'm glad I went through so many heartbreaking things as a child bc by the time I was 13 I knew all I had to do was graduate the middle/high school to have a better life. I never tried to have hope..I just had it. If you have suicidal thoughts, God can transform any part of us & our situation. Life continued to be a roller coaster emotionally in college and afterwards. The one thing I would change would be to have a relationship with God sooner. You can encounter God. He loves you & is waiting to hear from you if you are wanting a better life. God bless & shalom

Three skills: 1.) realize life is suffering and everyone suffers, i.e. a Buddhist teaching, 2.) focus on the positive emotions, i.e. love, gratitude, serenity, joy, etc. (ala Martin Seligman) , 3.) ask if this behavior is helping or hurting me. Check out the books by Pema Chodron and Martin Seligman for more info.

Thank you!!! I need this. I had a bad break up and seeing my friends in happy relationships/getting married depressed me. This helped me gain my strength back.

The Serenity Prayer is a terrific mantra.

One of the most powerful TED Talks I've ever heard! Who can argue with the real-life experience of this expert? Brilliantly delivered!

OMG! This speech changed my life!!! Thank you!!! "Time to sink or swim" 💪🏻

Sorry to hear about your daughter and what you and your husband are going through!!!! Wish you and your husband the best!!! Happy Easter.

A hard fact about life is that, things can be going really smooth and perfect today, and you wake up the next day to life situations that go as far as breaking you. Life is so unpredictable, and hence we all need resilience to go through these moments. It's honestly not easy like you said, but from your life and story, you've made us see that it can go a long way to help. Thank you very much for sharing this with us. May God continually comfort you for your loss. 🙏🏾

This presentation should be mandatory for psychiatrists to watch. They don't care to find out what happened in your life. In 10 minutes they will label you as chronically depressed and put you on meds. That's how the modern medicine works.

I admire her strength. There are some powerful human out there who are cable of doing things beyond imagination.

Thanks for reminding us that suffering is part of life.

"Trying to find things to be grateful for. " that's what got me through my bad year.

I cried watching this.

I ‘stood’ for all 4 of the categories at the beginning of the talk. Currently, my family is dealing with something unimaginable. I shared this with my husband and our therapist. Thank you for bravely sharing your story and methodology.

My respect for your hidden tears that u might have shed beyond stage.lots of luv stay blessed.

What a brilliant speech by an incredibly strong woman. I lost my beautiful Nanny to Alzheimer’s about 6 years ago. It took me about halfway through last year to finish the grieving process. I now accept her passing, and look back on the time I spent with her and the memories we shared together fondly.

What a great talk. I know I'm resilient, having been in dark places and come out the other side. I have used these strategies myself, without realizing they are categorized and the top 3. 1. Accept the situation you're in. You have to go thru to go out the other side. 2. You can choose where you put your attention, energy and Focus. 3. Ask yourself is what you're doing helping or harming you? Thank you Lucy

I 've also been depressed for sometime but she made me understand that it's self healing required and to be a good decision maker.

This is one of the most powerful things I've heard in a long time.

Resilence = happiness, free-spirited you!

I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter, her friend, and your friend. Thank you for having the strength, resilience, and courage to talk about this topic with us.

I leave my guitar in the open in my room, and it helps me so much, reminding me fun and happiness

This talk helped me get out of bed this morning. I had not opened my curtains in days. "Don't lose what you have for what you have lost..." ❤🥰

Realize that suffering is the norm and people do get over it; direct attention on things one can control and omit those we can't; pay attention to things and people that care for me; do things to benefit you and don't do the contrary.

Thank you for sharing ❤️ I lost my husband when our children were 3 and 5 years old. My sister lost her son when he was 13, leukemia, one year of fighting and suffering. So..... when I heard :"At least she wasn't suffering from some awful illnesses" I understood deeply and exactly what that means. Resilience.... when it comes just from our mind, it looks like this: there are tips numer 1, 2, 3.. to follow. And that can help, thare's nothing wrong with advices. But if it's only on mind level, it's just on surface. It will give temporary relief, many temporary relieves, but the wound will still be there and stay there until rest of our lives. That wound is visible, almost palpable here, in this video..five years after... Healing of that wound is not possible on mind level. That's hard to understand to people who are identified with their minds and believe that that's all there is. But then something like this happened, children just disappear one day in car accident. .. and that's beyond mind's reach. In desperate attempts to keep control, mind is continuing to fight on the old way. And call that "resilience". Deeper and more meaningful resilience comes from the place of understanding that people in our lives are not "ours", they don't belong to us. They just came to this world through us. The more we (our egos) think of them as "ours" the pain will be stronger. They were here for a moment, but they never belonged to us. They belonged to life itself. If we understand this on deeper level than surface (mind), it brings resilience without pain and fight and just temporary releases. It brings peace ❤️

This life shows us many situations when we can't hold on something bad happened to us knowing that it can't even change so we just have to keep going and move forward on this amazing world .

Wow you’re so strong! God bless. ❤

I'm pausing this as her daughter is in car. I sense what's next. I lost my son Michael on 01/20/19 I miss him so much! He was a funny intelligent good person who made a terrible mistake. Love you Michael Ritchie. I'm very sorry for your loss as well. It's crushing the sorrow

I wish there was a love button for this. You have inadvertently defined "resilience" which for me was a very illusive concept.And also in a simple manner explained how it can be achieved.

This video is so helpful and necessary, it should have captions for all languages to reach as more people as possible

She needed to summarize them at the end, preferably with a posting on screen for people who aren't verbal learned and to sum it up. GOOD talk.

Very touching. I could see her nearly in tears or choking. This proves you cannot forget but "live and grieve at the same time"

The idea of focus resonated with me; I hated being given suggestions of what to do after I'd had a great loss. Also, I stopped crying so much when I realized that I was so doing because I felt sorry for myself. It did me no good.

More than any of the videos on resilience i've watched, she has moved me in ways which I hope will stick with me for years to come.

7th year homesteader, doing it alone in the colder northern region of N. America.. I also figured it out. Appreciate the excellent talk.

As a person in a helping/empowerment profession (educational equity for first-gen, underrepresented, low-income college students), the difficulties that my students face are sometimes, seemingly insurmountable. Yet, I have an unwavering faith and resolve they can. In a fit of insomnia, I viewed this. The result? Inspiration to rethink a class on mental health for our students to view this (with an activity). Did this harm me? No: a productive use of inadvertently being awake. Did this help me? Yes, now I'm going back to sleep.

Taking control of things I can change and building resilience! Such a strong woman thank you for sharing your story and empowering us!!

ome of the things i am writting on my "3 things to be thankfull for" for today, is crossing by a beautful strong women using her los to give hope to others. may Allah reward you and your family.

I couldn't finish through to the end, and, I had to stop and type this...... "Once you're alive, you’ve got to deal with some tough times"😢❤ Thanks Lucy❤❤

This is so far the most powerful Tedx talk I have listened to. Thank you Lucy, for sharing these skills with us

I've been listening to Ted Talks for years and this is easily in the top 3. A woman who has lived through it and talks with knowledge, compassion, and real life experience. I would've listened to her for hours. Brava! 👏👏👏