I had no intention of bed sharing until my partner went back to work and I was breastfeeding alone all night and I fell asleep holding him. Twice. I cleared the blankets and pillows off the bed, went topless, and slept in a curled position around him. Not only did my low supply improve but we both finally got sleep and my PPD drastically improved. We did sleep training at 5.5 months and he’s slept in his own room since but bed sharing saved us both.

I became a first-time parent earlier this year and was a stickler for the rules and guidelines. We struggled with infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss. I also worked with a woman who lost her 6 week old to SIDS, so I wanted to do EVERYTHING "by the book". I chose to breastfeed so my husband couldn't really help at night. We had a bassinet beside the bed but my baby would scream and scream when he was in it... during the night, during the day, 24/7. I got to the point where I'd have to leave the room while he screamed and cried in his bassinet. I'd be in the other room crying from exhaustion and frustration. Even then, he'd refuse to sleep. The only time he'd sleep more than a few minutes was in my arms. I get so sleep deprived I would almost nod off while feeding him or holding him. I brought him into our bed out of pure desperation, and I cried because I was terrified I was being selfish and my choice would lead to him dying in the night. But I also knew that falling asleep holding him in the chair would be worse and I knew I could no longer stay awake for an entire feeding session despite my best efforts. It was the first restful sleep my son or I had had in the weeks since he'd been born. It was night and day from all the previous weeks. I became less stressed, less depressed and my son seemed to calm down and relax as well. I would spend every night for the next 4 months feeling Beth terrified and guilty for continuing to bed share. But I also became curious and began to research intently. I learned a lot and no longer feel bad about bed sharing. I honestly think the sleep deprivation I was experiencing was much more dangerous. But that's just me and my personal situation. Not ever experience or situation is the same. I followed the "Safe Sleep Seven"

I am now a grandmother, but I ended up bedsharing with the second two of my three children in the 1990s and early 2000s. One scientific fact that is rarely discussed, but proved to be true in my bedsharing experience, is that the mother and baby's sleep cycle will quickly synch up when the sleeping in contact with each other. It makes a world of difference. While in deep sleep you are not moving; in lighter sleep you will have an awareness of your baby, and will feel less exhausted when he/she wakes to feed because you are not being woken from a deep sleep.

I’m an older mom and I read all the books about not co-sleeping. When my baby was born last year, I had him in a bassinet on his back. I noticed his sleeping was always labored and he just had a hard time getting restful sleep. One night I accidentally fell asleep with him on my chest, he literally would never go back to sleeping in his bassinet after that. He literally slept like a dream through the night when bed sharing, and I was shocked to find out that I slept better and it felt instinctively like the right thing to do. I completely understood the risks but my mama instincts told me that this was the natural way.

Bed sharing is standard in so many other cultures, other cultures often also have firmer beds and less stuff on the bed

Something that i really feel the bjorkmans should have adresses is that the study refers to "bedsharing" as sharing any sleep surface, including a couch and chair, which are very clearly unsafe. The study did not differentiate between intentional bedsharing practices vs unintentional surface sharing... it makes me feel like if that delineation had been made, the research would have not shown intentionally bedsharing to be as unsafe as they make it out to be, most of the risks would instead come from unintentionally surface sharing.

Thank you so much for talking about bed sharing so openly. Its such a hot button thing. Personally I have a niece who passed of SIDS, and her mother happened to bed share. While there was no conclusive evidence that this was the true cause, I will NEVER forget the screams on the phone "what if I rolled over on her" It was absolutely the worst thing I have ever heard.

Agree with other moms here that I had no intention of bed sharing but it happens. Right now I’m going through the 4 month sleep regression and the only way I can get sleep is to sleep with my baby. Just hope we keep it as safe as possible! Thanks for all the great content!

I appreciated the impartial advice, while keeping the real life in perspective. From the start we’ve had a crib ready for our baby to sleep alone and myself on the couch - wanting to do everything by the book - but it was absolutely exhausting to keep going back and forth between the crib and the couch, so I’ve put a large mattress in the middle of the room and we both slept there (me as far away from the baby as possible, and laying down lower so I wouldn’t roll over her) and it did a world of difference. I live in Eastern Europe and people were surprised I didn’t do that from the very beginning (cultural thing).

I slept 40 minutes this night because I was following safe rules from pediatricians. But my baby sleep like an angel in my arms or on me and refuse to sleep in bassinet. Do pediatricians calculate risk for baby from a mother who didn’t sleep all night trying to follow their non-working rules? Mother who is so sleep deprived can accidentally drop the baby, get into a car accident or just be irritated all day.

I wanted to comment for anyone who is planning on/is bed sharing. Please do your research and look up the safe sleep 7. I am a first-time mom to a 9 month old, and we have bed shared for most of my son's life. I did a bunch of research before he was born because I wanted to be prepared just in case it was something we decided to do, and I wanted to know how to do it safely. It's better to know the information even if you are not planning on doing it. It's also better to plan to fall asleep with your baby in your bed than to do it accidentally and have more risks. In this video, they talk about having the baby above your heads or on the other side of the bed from you. Both of those scenarios are unsafe. It is important especially for the first 4 months to do the c curle to ensure that you will not roll onto your baby and that your baby does not roll. I have heard time and time again "I wasn't planning on having them in my bed" it's such a common thing that people just don't talk about, but it makes sense that your baby would want to be close to you and you would want to be close to your baby.

I really appreciate how you handled the topic of bed sharing with compassion, and also being realistic. I could not have breastfed exclusively for as long as I did without bed sharing. Like you, my pediatrician gave me information to make the best and safest decisions for myself and my son. Thank you both for providing such great information in a kind and compassionate way.

Bed sharing with my 10 month old daughter right now as I watch this. We’ve shared a bed since she was 3 weeks old. I tried to keep her in her own bed but it lead to me being so exhausted that I almost dropped her. There are ways to bed share safely. My husband and I don’t drink, smoke, take drugs or medication. I’m also a very light sleeper and wake up easily. It has also helped tremendously with my milk supply. I wouldn’t change it for the world.

So I bedshare regularly and it's not for bonding. My (8-week old) son will not sleep by himself. For the first four weeks of his life, I tried *everything*. We have white noise playing, i tried putting him down in his bassinet when he was drowsy and when he was completely asleep (like limp), I swaddled him, I didn't swaddle him, I put more clothes on him, less clothes on him, i tried different thermostat temperatures. It was a massive win when he slept in the bassinet for 2 hours in a day. My husband would watch him in the day and I would watch him at night. Our son would only sleep on our chest and of course we had to stay awake. But because my husband had to go back to work and I had to do other things (like all of those doctor appointments), I started losing sleep rapidly and I was exhausted. So I started falling asleep in chairs and sofas with him on my chest. I was still trying for the perfect "sleeps in his bassinet". It felt no one had suggestions for safe bed sharing. I finally read the sleep section in the "Baby Book" by Sears and it was life changing. They explained how to do it safely. Everyone else was just telling me not to do it. So I appreciate you saying how to do it safely because perfect is straight up impossible! We bought a twin mattress that my son and I sleep on (sleeping with a partner increases risk of SIDS). It's on the ground (less falling risk) and against the wall. He sleeps near the wall (less falling risk again). It's a firm mattress and there's no sheets on it other than a fitted one. But I feel like despite all of this, there's so much stigma around bed sharing. He's starting to be able to sleep for short bursts on his own but no one near hours. So I'll continue doing this. Honestly I have frustration with the research because since there's no guidelines for safe bed sharing, they often compare parents who fall asleep in a chair with their kid or who bed share in water beds to those who follow all of the guidelines for bassinet sleep. It feels like a useless comparison. Of course bassinet sleeping is going to be much safer in those comparisons. Also the research makes me confused about the difference between positional asphyxiation and SIDS. If SIDS has no known cause why does sleeping in a bed with sheets matter (not that I'll do that out of concern for positional asphyxiation). Anyway sorry for the long comment. Thanks for the section on safe practices on bed sharing and thanks for all of your videos. Your channel has been incredibly helpful through my TTC, pregnancy and new parent journey!!!

Bed sharing is so natural in our culture, I found putting babies sleep by themselves to be taboo. Like what the hell. 😢

A safer alternative to bedsharing is "side carring" baby's crib or bassinet to your bed. That way baby has their own space but are still within arms reach and right next to you

Recognizing that real life happens is so important as well. We never bed shared, but in those early days dangerous situations just happened from my own exhaustion. I remember falling asleep in an arm chair while breastfeeding once, and I woke up two hours later with my baby still suckling in his sleep. I always secured him somehow just in case, but that is NOT safe. It would have been better if I had tried making the bed safe and just breastfeeding there when I knew I was running on fumes. Thanks for these great points! I think it's so important to talk about all of it.

I bedshare. Baby in the middle of a queen bed, bed on the floor me on the edge, baby in a sleeping bag, any blankets I'm using are below my waist and his feet. I was so nervous when I started to do it, but im a light sleeper and i dont move whatsoever in my sleep, and neither does my baby. We make it work when we have to :) I think bedsharing is one of those things that need to be evaluated on a case by case basis. Bedsharing when needed gives me and my baby better sleep. It means im better able to take care of my baby the next day without losing my calm ❤

Just wanted to say that I’m sorry to Kirk. I came into this video 100% sure he was going to take the “no bed sharing ever unless you want to kill your child approach.” But nope, he gave a great nuanced approach. And I love that Sarah always has the mom health and well being as an equal priority.

It is very interesting how culture plays a role in bed sharing because for some (other countries) it's normal and is what everyone does! There are real risks to be mindful of though. I put my baby in a bassinet at night ( when it's dark outside) but will sometimes bedshare once the sun has come up (around 6am) so that I'm not sleeping heavily.

Y’all are really the best. ❤ You both create these videos with so much empathy, understanding, and caring energy.

I've accidentally bed shared a couple times. New mom and just absolutely exhausted trying to comfort baby after 3-4 hours of non-stop eating and restless sleep. I actually found myself dozing off while breastfeeding a couple times which is absolutely terrifying. And I've felt guilty and a little scared on the couple times I've woken up and realized i fell asleep with baby in bed with me thinking about all that could go wrong, but i will say, both of us have gotten much better sleep out of the couple times we have bed shared (out of those couple times baby was always flat on their back and not using any blankets or pillows).

I bed-shared with my son from 1.5 months to almost 10, we just started sleep training this last week (and your sleep training video REALLY HELPED, and you even responded to my comment which I greatly appreciated! Anyway, our co-sleeping experience was amazing but we do know a family whose baby died of SIDS, however there were other comorbidities.

Thank you SO much for including and highlighting resources for making bed sharing as safe as possible. Realistically, bed sharing happens regularly in the US, and because it’s so taboo in our culture, we receive no info on maximizing safety, leading to much more unsafe bed sharing practices (in chairs, sofas, formula fed babies, etc..). LLLI is a great resource for this, as well as Dr. James McKenna’s work. Thank you for advocating for true informed consent so families can make the best decision for themselves with full knowledge of risks and benefits.

Wow, thank you so much for answering my question! I will have a look at the resources you linked. Thank you for all the great informational videos you make! 😊

We all make calculated decisions every single day and in every aspect life. What are the risks, what are the benefits? My first child really struggled with sleep, So much so that I was actually losing my mind. It was far safer for me and for her to sleep in the bed with me. My second child is a much better sleeper and he sleeps very contentedly in a bedside bassinet. Thank you for your sensitivity around baby sleep.

People have been bedsharing for centuries in many cultures. I wish my 11 month old could sleep in his own crib but it didn’t work

Does the research separate accidental suffocation vs SIDs?

Your videos helped me so much, especially the how to teach your baby to sleep. I have a baby who is 5 months old. I also have been judged by my family that I want my baby to sleep in another room in a safe crib, it seems like this is an eastern european thing. They say it here that poor baby should hear the heartbeat of his mama and feel her closeness. Thank you for the confirmation that I am doing the right thing 😊

Thank you. Great informative advice as always. At what age does surface sharing become safer?

I coslept with my son for the first 5 months because I literally though I was going to die from lack of sleep. He wouldn’t sleep unless someone was touching him. I made sure the bed was as safe as possible and it worked out for us

They degree of synchronization the two doctors have is just next level. Sometimes, I imagine that below the camera view they are actually joined into a single organism.

Thank you so much for answering my question! I just found out I am pregnant last week! 🤰

All great info! We've been bed sharing from 2 months and it's been amazing! Baby sleeps so much better and it's sooo much easier for me to give a bottle a few times through the night and continue sleeping. Will try with the 2nd baby when we have one if baby will like it, they are all so different!

Never had any intention of bed sharing, but when I went back to work, my husband was alone for the night time routine and baby started having serious sleep issues. I couldn't talk him out of it and here we are 9 months later, still bed sharing. I want to get him in his own bed but it's so hard when I have no control over bed time

In India baby sleeps with parents, it is cultural thing.

It was hard for me to get pregnant due to hypothyroidism and after I had my baby I knew I wanted to cosleep, so I can get the most of having a baby, not knowing if I could have more babies (I am also past 35). She was in the cosleeper in bed with me, then she was in the basinet, then the crib, and at 6 months old I took her in bed with me, because she was bigger already and I trusted myself more. I was terrified to sleep with her when she was younger than 6 months. So that was my strategy. I loooooove having it this way, I would not change a thing, but she is waking up often just to nurse, or use it as a pacifier. But again, my only baby, anything for her and for me too:)

I surface slept (nursed) all 3 of my kids as did my best friend we are both 73. I sat in my rocking chair breast feeding in the middle of the night with my first baby and I almost dropped him luckily I woke up. After that I put him in bed with me tucked up next to my body covers blankets pillows and all. Maybe my girlfriend and I were just plain lucky.

The organisations and MDs that advise of safe practices must be careful in what they say as they can prosecuted legally so they will always say what’s safe legally. I can’t fault them for that. It makes sense. As a mom who did bed-sharing for two years from day one, I fully trust my own judgement and I was NEVER sleep deprived or tired.

I’m 100% convinced I wouldn’t be breastfeeding at all if it weren’t for occasional bed sharing. Also I would like to say I don’t think it’s fair to lump intentional, careful bed sharing in with surface sharing (on a couch or recliner, usually accidentally falling asleep). It’s soooo much more dangerous to sleep with your baby in a couch or recliner, and I don’t think it’s SIDS so much as suffocation.

Wait a second so now SIDS is the same as suffocation? I thought the whole point of SIDS is that it's not suffocation. Make it make sense.

There is a lot of data of the dangers of bedsharing, but I’m also curious if there is data on accidents happening while the parent was sleep deprived as she/he was doing everything by the book (at any point when getting up, going to the crib, picking up the baby, feeding him, taking him back to the crib)

Knowing that it can provide comfort in certain situations, I still will always use the ABC’s for safe sleep after my husband has worked for years in an ER. Too many tragedies.

Hi! Can y’all do a video discussing pre-eclampsia, gestational hypertension and postpartum pre eclampsia? I was recently induced for gestational hypertension and had elevated BP but nothing alarming. A week after delivery I had to be put on BP meds because instead of my BP going down, it went up. It was really scary at the time being so newly postpartum! Thankfully everything is ok now but I’d like to hear what y’all say regarding what causes it, when to talk to your OB, and if it’s likely to happen again in subsequent pregnancies. Thank you!!

I feel a lot of videos on this topic make it seem as if parents always make a conscious choice to bedshare. I had covid during labor and delivery and the immediate postpartum period and I felt so sick and tired that although I had no intention of bedsharing, I accidentally fell asleep side-lying nursing. After this happened, my husband and I tried to find resources and found that organizations don’t all promote the same practices and the risks can be mitigated significantly by taking certain measures. I’d rather prepare as safe a sleep environment as possible for my kid on the bed in case I fall asleep than accidentally fall asleep with him on the couch which is a much scarier situation. I also wonder what the specific risk is tied to each of the recommendations made. What’s the risk with bedsharing with just a soft bed vs in a soft bed while intoxicated with blankets everywhere etc. AAP also recommends sleeping in the same room for the first 6 months and yet choosing to go against this recommendation for better sleep isn’t anywhere close to as vilified as bedsharing.

Does it make a difference to have one of those cribs that push up to the side of the bed? Is that considered surface sharing or just room sharing? Is that kind of crib safer than baby just being on the parents’ bed?

Can u talk about cradle cap? What can I use to reduce it? Or do I just leave it alone? Does that cause the baby to be itchy?

One of the ways I handled it (when my son wouldn't sleep anywhere else but on me) was I would wrap him in a Boba wrap then lay back on our big comfy chair in the living room (and we would sleep that way). I could feel him breathing, I wasn't going to roll on top of him, and we were mostly comfortable. Of course, we did our best to get him used to his bassinet asap, but during those first few weeks, he was pretty clingy and so that was how I handled it. For moms that breastfeed: I would wrap him in the wrap without a shirt or bra on, so when he was hungry he could just grab my boob and eat. It saved me from being super sleep deprived the first couple weeks. 💕

Have you heard of Real Food For Pregnancy? That has been a favorite of mine, I wonder what your take is!

It’s important to differentiate between BEDsharing in a Safe Sleep Seven bed vs. surface-sharing (sofa, chair, etc.), which is significantly less safe. Also, the four biggest risk factors for SIDs are smoking, non-rolling baby on stomach for sleep, leaving sleeping baby unattended, and formula feeding. Separate sleep increases likelihood of premature weening. A healthy, breastfeeding baby is equally safe bedsharing with their mother in a Safe Sleep Seven bed.

I’m pregnant with my first and have a VERY huge fear of stitches. Assuming I am able to have the vaginal delivery I am planning on, what are some other options for repairing any tears that may happen if I am able to deliver vaginally? Also, I would love to avoid a urinary catheter if I choose to get an epidural. Is that even an option, or do I need a urinary catheter if I have an epidural? Thanks for all of the great info from you guys!

When can you start giving pillows and blankets?

Do you have a link for any studies that explain how surface sharing near the age of 6 increases sociopathy or emotional issues?

Is the motherly / becoming momma a online community or book?

So I think am (trying) to do all the right things already, but would love a video with tips on how the maintain milk supply when back at work and having to pump to feed baby during the day 🙂 keep getting abit paranoid that not going to be making enough. Also, is it bad to stop pumping when the milk is strongly flowing? I used to do 22min but but now I feel like I get to that point and there is still so much coming 😅

Being a mom to a 3weeks old and dnt smoke, drink alcohol etc but the fatigue due to sleeplessness just freaks me out. surface sharing with my newborn I would , rather be safe and sorry, if no space at least try a basinet and as for me I sleep much better knowing he is safe by himself.

Many people and cultures have not the luxury of cots nurseries all the extra baby accessories I'll never forget when I was leaving the hospital and the midwife gave this woman who barely spoke any English via a phone translation a huge lecture on how terrible bedsharing was, the translator struggled to even get across to her what the midwife was saying as clearly in their culture it was not a concept to sleep separately from your baby. She was clearly alarmed and explained she didn't have the resources she sleeps with all her kids in one room... I personally found that whole debacle a disgrace. New mums don't need this scaremongering right after giving birth they need information to help them make their own informed choices, rather than the NHS or AAP or anyone else trying to force them to do what they think is right based on not nuanced research which often doesn't account for safe bed sharing.. Infants sleep next to their parents in most of the world and think about it who puts their baby out to be at risk to wild animals and other dangers. Cots simply arent what most people in the world have. The western way isnt the only way!

Baby is 3.5 months old and I bedshare... But usually he's not in bed with me, he's on top of the bed, a bit to the side..

What about a mother, father, 8 year old, 3 year old, and a brand newborn.. all sleeping g together in a king size bed…?!? Everyone wakes up everyone, everyone bumps in everyone…. I would be curious to hear feedback!

Cosleep safer than nosleep

We bed share when she can't sleep otherwise... I don't know why, but she has some days, I'd guess nightmares. She sleeps on my side and my back and hips want to kill me after. My husband would suffocate her with his duvet, he is like a spinning mindless log when he sleeps so I basically sleep in the same C position around her for as many hours as she sleeps and then I try to put her in her crib after she eats.

Where do you put our questions?

Why not share the organization (La Leche League) so that people CAN be informed if they are in the situation that they may need to bedshare? Also, I'm curious if you are familiar with Dr. James McKenna's work that tries to disentangle the muddled data around bedsharing vs other surface sharing like couch or recliner risks?

I think this pediatrician is a rare one in trying to disseminate sleep sharing information that is beyond status quo, and I find that very commendable. That said, mothers must realize that pediatricians are not experts on infant sleep, infant neurological health, nor the history of infant/mother sleep and nighttime nurturing. They receive very little training in this and what training they do receive is very narrow and one-sided, unless they choose to study in-depth independently. No disrespect intended, but that is just reality. Mother's, follow your instinct to be near your child, and find the actual experts who will help you to do so safely (that expert may be an older mom who has done her homework and bedshared successfully many times). This would include ignoring the perniciously anti-mothering, anti-nurturing, totally against intuition so-called sleep training approach. Most cultures throughout history have, and continue to bedshare safely with their infants. Many Americans bedshare with their infants and will not admit it because they have been guilted and terrified into thinking they are being irresponsible. There is abundant evidence that bedsharing is the most natural default for mothers. Self appointed experts (and indeed they are self appointed) should not be encouraging close bonding during the day whilst discouraging that necessary bonding at night. Baby will need you frequently at night for about 3 years, less so at the tail end of that time, and nighttime nurturing (bedsharing and breastfeeding) is largely why you will have a secure, bonded, healthy sleeping child and adult. Your pediatrician thinks he or she knows a lot of moms and how they best handle sleeping, but remember, mothers lie to their pediatricians, or won't share with their peds about their sleep practices because they do not want to be lectured or judged. Their are more people sleep sharing than not.

I think if you stratified the risk by age/other variables it would be more helpful. If your baby is over 4 months old; not Pre-term birth: neither you, or your partner smoke/drink--its a different risk calculus. Also, I believe the literature shows falling asleep on the couch is much more dangerous, and should always be avoided.

There were some nights that it was definitely needed to surface share. I am very much of the mindset that every now and then it’s ok, but it shouldn’t be a regular thing otherwise my kid will always want to sleep in my bed, and they are squirmy bed hogs lol.

Expert on the topic is James McKenna, PhD

RN here. I worked pediatrics for years in a hospital that DID NOT allow small babies to sleep with parents. The number of times I've seen babies in life-threatening situations from sleeping with parents is shocking. Sure, it's generally not an issue. Still, I ask you this, if your baby suffocates from sleeping with you, how will you ever live with yourself?

The mom / woman / gynecologist looks really scared & uncomfy during this entire video. Perhaps it's because she's been done it a time or two but don't beat yourself up about it.

It amazes me how americans feels there’s no human life outside of América🤪

I don't think I would sleep very well with my baby in my bed! I would be so worried about SIDS, the statistics are clear.

I will never get over how many parents continue to bed share despite being told it’s unsafe. There are way too many variables that can make what might be a wonderful bonding experience go horribly wrong.

I know this isn't what you want to hear but listen to the pediatricians who did their research and concluded that bed sharing is unsafe. I know sleep deprivation is real and it is really hard to wake up million times a night. I was been there too, I tried bed sharing when my baby wasn't sleeping more than 20 minutes in her crib BUT it almost ended in a tragic way. I followed all safe cosleeping rules but in the end she wasn't safe she almost died. I never ever tried bed sharing again. We bought a bedside crib and she slept there and yes I woke up as many times as needed and I was okay with it. The real risk isn't disability or minor injury but the death of the infant. I don't think we should take the risk of death over sleep deprivation. Ask for help if you need to sleep a few hours in a row. Your partner, parent, a close friend etc they can help just ask them to do so. Good luck!

I always let my babies sleep with me, never did them any harm. In fact why would a mother leave a baby to cry.