This video was fantastic and brilliant. Thank you for sharing your insight with us.

Thank you for spreading these insights!😃

Such an important topic, this was brilliant. My psychologist suggested I look at your channel when I was trying to reflect and move on from a past relationship and I can't say enough how helpful your videos were in moving on

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Your amazing! Thank you for all your work🙏🙏🙏

I had my own sorce of income before getting married. And it was shit. I pay all the bills and the buisness license and all the accounts are in my name. I don't check with him about any spending. I wish I had my own income but tbh... I am so much more happy maintaing a household and providing our meals then going to work everyday and making my employer more money and stressing me out all day... with no benefits whatsoever. I've completed accepted as women in society we do not make the kind of money a man can. Hard truth. I used to have really bad acne then when I stopped working my face cleared up fast. I do hold a lot of dental assistant certs and licenses but the field, which is female dominated, is extremely under paid. There is no way I could ever make the money my husband does. If things get bad, I can transfer a great amount of cash to my personal bank account I've had since college. If my husband thinks he can kick me to the curb he's got a whole binder worth of paperwork that's all in my phone calendar to keep up on and BE MY GUEST. and do your own dishes and laundry see how far he gets!

And I did get a pre nump saying inheritance is hands off for him... but I'll still take half of whatever we have together 😂🤪😬 I'm bad but... my dad married a narc... twice... and the last one ran him down into the ground during a divorce and the whole marriage. She was extremely financially abusive and she didn't work. I took notes 😬 women got to have their own back.

Agreed and we especially need to assure women are trained for this and more open to jobs where the salary is same male/female.

My mom stopped working to take care of me and my sister, didn’t have her own income since then until we moved out to go to university. She still thinks of her years with us as the best years of her life. Did she get lucky? Maybe. My dad is a great guy. I also work part time (making much much less compared to full time) and take care of the household while my husband makes pretty much all of our money. I am very happy and not worried at all. My husband is a great guy. But if that changes one day, half of everything we owe, including savings and retirement, our house is mine. And I know I will be able to find a source of income if need be. So this whole never ever do this or that is really not a good advice. I am not going to plan my life based on fears and what ifs. Decide for yourself what works for you.

If your married to a narcissist it doesn't matter if you have your own income. They are entitled to yours.

I second this. In the meantime, I think HowtoADHD has similar videos?

What about HowtoADHD and Financial Diet together in one episode?!?!

@@juliegumerman8224 that would be 🔥🔥🔥

Yes!!

@@juliegumerman8224 yess, TFC with HowToADHD when???

I am so glad you managed to escape from that.

💗💗💗

My God, that sounds like a nightmare. Also glad you escaped! No one deserves to live with someone like that

Dear God so sorry to hear this. I really you sought therapy. As Dr Ramani always says the best revenge is to be the best person you can be and happy.b

I absolutely agree with you.

Yup. Having to deal with truly deep narcissist is seriously difficult.

Lucky

lucky

Omg that's so cool!!! I can't imagine all of the genuine and priceless value from being in that class 😍👌

I am so jealous omg

I’m sorry. that woman should not have a medical license

Most are unaware

I've always been afraid I'm a narcissist, to the point where I believe I'm a terrible person because of it

We all have traits… I think about mine- and if it were relative… are mine 10 per cent, 30, 60? Are His only 10 and I don’t get it, 50, 90? What if I am covert? What if it is my low energy levels or autism that makes me codependent and look narcissistic? Mind you, those closest to him- even daughter, say he probably would have a formal diagnosis- and no one but He has said this about me. Even if you wonder if you have these traits , (and people say if you wonder, you’re not), there is still a possibility that you do- and everyone does-- or at least learned some behaviorally from those you were surrounded by.

Having a mental illness doesn’t make you a terrible person. It’s not smth you can control and its something you can get help with, and that’ll make your life better.

Because they like to think the cause of their problems is somewhere else.

I was a truth teller too! I had one narcissistic parent and another addicted one who probably had BPD. Everyone enabled the narcissist and denied my reality. I was the only one in the family who could see it. It's hard cos you grow up to second guess your own judgement constantly cos everyone else did.

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My brother did the same to me when I asked him to pay back the $23,000 that I loaned to him. He tries to justify him not paying me back. 😠

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yes! it's surreal, like two parallel universes merged

Mine also!!! Thanks so much for this collaboration @DoctorRamani and @TFD ! 🙏

I've gone to a live q and a with the doc. She is just as awesome irl as her videos!

Mine are the nicest kind, but I worry that I’m one, and get confused about whether my ADD and High functioning autism and now low energy and burnouts as well as bipolar 2 (I’m not sure, but disagnosed), are the reason I perceive them this way- or they experience me as exasperating and lazy, but I understand why they would and even wonder about my invisible differences in order to give them a benefit of doubt and always keep a healthy amount of not knowing. But I am a confused mess of an adult that needs to be separated from all people and reality as I know it in order to try to get in touch w some core of myself… It’s weird existing as a nebula, or essence - and I still don’t know if it’s them because one of them seems very nice… there are cultural and generational issues complicating the matter And so I’m living an existence, subsisting on others’ help and from day to day. I hope there is a way out, but have given up pursuing it the last couple years because my own thriving- has eluded me all my life-

I felt the same way when Chelsea collaborated with Caitlin from Ask a Mortician 😁

@@lizd.8655 oh that’s was really good too! I love this channel 🥰🌸

ahh i love this analogy

Same! I follow both of them, never expected to see this amazing collab 🔥🙌

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Do you ever know if it’s also you or just them? Or your perception of them? Or their culture? I’m so confused I just want a baseline for myself, my neurodivergence, my traits and what happened and how to fix it so I have health and something inside that helps me go for things again. It doesn’t help that ADd and autism rattle my mind and plannjng as well as understanding certain dynamics.

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Yikes... sorry to hear that, people who lack self-awareness are the most difficult to deal with...

@@lalakuma9 ...ha, ha, ha, haaa... The _entire WORLD_ lacks self-awareness (under the right circumstances.) Does anyone remember what the articles of impeachment against Trump were? Isn't it amazing that even people who hated him forgot those? It's illegal for people to use their public office for personal gain. Everyone pretended that they didn't hear that - for *two straight years!!* Okay, well technically more, because you're all doing it still.

My narc mom is OBSESSED with my money!!!

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Yesssss, I recently got out of a living situation with a narcissist landlady - at first she seemed really chill and nice. But red flags started appearing quickly, and she overshared and would honestly ask very personal questions for the amount of time we'd known each other. Before I even labelled her as a narcissist, my gut was like "I don't feel comfortable sharing certain things with you, because you're going to use that against me at some point."

What is HOA?

@@mrs95shenny HOA = homeowners association

Well said. Same with HR. We need timelines too.

Same 😮

Me too 😂

This is so true also. I feel like my parents are mind blind and invalidating, sometimes I wonder about Narcissism because there was very little room to understand us and allow us to be us if we didn’t fit their mold. Little care for relationships and emotional life. Seemingly conditional love. But yet they also gave us so much- their time, their money, their help- (probably in the ways they were raised to give)…. It’s confusing because you can take on characteristics and struggles of one who was raised by narcs, if you grow up in this country, from such families, and cannot live up to their hopes- or your own- especially because of ADD, High functioning autism and or other mental issues that are sort of denied as being real in such cultures and generations. Then you deal with guilt and questioning yourself… Psychiatrists think you were raised by narcs, you wonder if you are one, or if it was cultural or both… then you wonder if it was your misunderstood neurodivergence or mood disorder, or you were spoiled by being first child- though somehow you know you were rarely spoiled or validated when it didn’t serve them… Very confusing- I feel like I need carious barometers of my being in touch with reality, other people and making decisions now. What is my ADD? What is learned helplessness? What is familial sabotage? Am I malingering? Am I trying to be an advocate for self and others like me and figure out how to understand my limits and capabilities and live in a healthy manner? It’s so confusing and I wish I could be put to sleep and reset because I don’t even know what to do anymore… and I’m also suffering from super low energy, depression again, and now inability to exercise- which had been my savior all these years. Is there a hope?

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If you were spending your parents' money and not your own money that you actually worked for, then that is not financial abuse. Some people feel entitled to their parents' money. When you are spending someone else's money, they have every right to question you.

@@Unebellecreoleit sounds like they are talking about being a child and money their parents spent for typical living expenses to pay for that child. Children don’t usually have free access to parents’ money but many parents make children feel guilty because it costs money to feed, clothe, and house them.

As a parent, my heart bleeds for you. You should not have to deal with this. This isn't fair and you don't deserve this. That being said, it doesn't matter when or where you start college, how many times it takes you to start, really how much time it takes you to get through, only where you finish, what your degree is in and what your final grades were. When you are over 18, you can declare a sort of financial independence and go on with financial aid and grants from there. Your narc-trait parent wants you to believe that you cannot survive without them. This is not true. The farther away from that person you get, the healthier you will be and the more they will be diminished in your life. They know this, which is why they will fight you tooth and nail to keep you under their control for as long as possible. They know that there is a window for you to escape and they will do what they can to close that window. I expect that you know that they will use your other parent, your partner, children, siblings, nibling or other relatives and friends as a way to maintain control as well. Never give them that opportunity. I imagine that you know about building your own family of choice to find emotional support. You have a right to your own boundaries as well. Boundaries are kind. Boundaries are honest. Boundaries tell people who you are and what you will and will not accept. Your parents are your beginning. They are not your end or your destiny. This mom sends you lots of love. I have faith in you and I'm proud of you, sweetie!

@@tessat338 Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate that. I'm considered independent by FAFSA now and will be going back to school on full grants this fall, so there is a happy ending. What you said about the farther away you get, the healthier you become is so true.

SAME!!! When I went off to college they refused to provide me with that info as well. I never thought about it that way before I just assumed they didn't want me to do well for myself. Prolly both.

Ookoo

Oooliooooo

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Lol my parents my entire childhood

My ex husband used to say this as a "joke"

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Sounds like you're well shot of them. I'm so, so sorry that happened, it sounds awful. My heart goes out to you.

So sorry your kindness to your siblings was repaid with such deceit and betrayal

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So evil and scary. I feel sorry for these people in a weird way, because they are terrified monsters…. But I feel worse for their victims, which are literally the children that Saturn ate (reference Goya painting)

How sick

Yupm don't tell them. Even if your parents aren't narcissistic, say they are well meaning and loving 70% of the time, but they may be transphobic or on the fence about your gender transition, even if not outright hateful, I'm always reluctant to disclose how much I actually have because I worry that parents who disagree with the kind of future you want for yourself, will always figure out "something better" for you to spend your hard earned cash on, instead of your deepest desires. They might try to passive agressively derail you, with a "well intentioned" alternative. Same thing goes for stuff like what schools you want to go to, or what town you want to move away to. Any choice you decide FOR your OWN benefit, that doesn't involve them somehow, guard like Cerberus guards the sorcerer's stone. 😅

I kept my finances in my mothers waaaay too long. She convinced me because she was a teacher and could get a me a credit union account. (which is hard to get) neglected to tell me, that I didn't have to have her on the account. She would call me yelling about dog food purchases etc.

It is awful 😞 dealing with controlling people. I hope 🙏❤️you can find your way out from this situation. Never settle for less just to comfort someone selfishness. Fortunately,I have been able to “cut the cord “ few months after I graduated from high school. But, as Dr. Ramani said “ the guilt trip “is going to haunt you for years, because in your heart you feel like you have to do something to change your mother. It’s emotionally exhausting every time speaking to these mothers, even if you are living thousands of miles away from them. But there’s nothing you can do, just to let them talk and talk, release their negativity from your mind. Lead your life on, believing in yourself and people who are supportive to you.

I so hope you have sat down and apologised to your Mom AND built up a communication where she can tell you about how it affected her. Getting her real experience WILL help you with not judging others.

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Never looked at it like that but seems like we turn narc with DEEP i think its the intention and knowledge of when to use it.

it's challenging because any expression of autonomy, the narcissist will DARVO and turn back on you. unfortunately, it takes inner resilience and confidence to withstand those accusations. it helps to have friends who you can trust to check or affirm you. I like Dr Les Carter's videos for addressing the kinds of self-compassionate and self-affirming attitudes one needs to survive a narcissist.

@@vaguelyweird Thank you and appreciate your reply, will check out the Dr Les Carter's videos too.

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That movie is so fascinating as the child of a narcissist. So bizarre yet also familiar!

And it wasn't just rich people who bought into it. Sure, rich people were scammed - but there were also middle-class and lower-class people who bought or won tickets to it and they got seriously screwed over as well. As did the workers. In other words, folks who could not bounce back as easily as the rich people could. And this happens whenever narcissists scam each other - they scam other narcissists, and then they catch vulnerable people of all stripes in their net as well. Which is the sort of impact you get from the sorts of people who treat the world as dog-eat-dog (as all narcissists do), and never stop to think that no, dogs do NOT actually eat other dogs, nor should they. And that even if they did it wouldn't justify humans doing that to each other.

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She helped me understand my childhood. I adore her!

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Thanks~~~~

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