Cognitive Dissonance: Emotion Processing 22/30

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Cognitive Dissonance: Emotion Processing 22/30

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3 жыл бұрын

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Cognitive dissonance is when we have a gap between what we believe is right and what we are doing. This means that we believe one thing but are acting on something else. You can do all the coping and meditation and self-care you can handle, but if you don’t figure out cognitive dissonance, you’re not going to feel good. There is no substitute for integrity when it comes to peace of mind.
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Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC, and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
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In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.
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Пікірлер: 1 000

@tayaz.4211 2 жыл бұрын

This made me emotional: "Your body is an instrument to do good, not an ornament to be objectified.” Every young adult needs to hear these words and believe them.

@jimicunningable 2 жыл бұрын

This concept was attached to a nationalistic deity when I first heard them. I can not believe God only comes from one valley or race or species, so I rejected it passionately for decades. It's a shame such good concepts can be attached to human attachments.

@jimicunningable 2 жыл бұрын

If our bodies are categorically made to do good, then why are we cursed involitionally with genetic disease and generational trauma??? Did Gawd throw some innocents under the suffering bus to glorify Himself? NOT a validating answer... In fact, it is a collosally heartless answer. "You suffer because Gawd cares so little for your personal experience, that he made you a mere lesson for healthy people"?!?!?! Wow. Titanic levels of cruelty in this rationalization!!! Dear Gawd the cruelty of your jealous Yaweh!!! We suffer to draw attention to the mightyness of an insecure Gawd??? Well then, @#$% Him. I would be far nicer to a mere hamster. In fact I have been.

@statsorama 2 жыл бұрын

Same! And I’m 41; if I had heard this in my teens vs the normal pop crap they gave us in the 90s, I 100% would have been so much happier. Thank you 🙏

@amandaralph2966 Жыл бұрын

😅

@kathygreenhill4380 Жыл бұрын

This helped me to start taking care of my self thank you

@dr.bandito60 Жыл бұрын

dissonance often arises when you are in the midst of shifting belief systems. Your understanding of the world may be changing but you are also holding onto attachments to old behaviors, thoughts, and relationships that keep you trapped in your old life. It takes time and careful assessment to figure out what can stay and what should go. Attachments don’t just disappear when you want them to. They need a proper send-off.

@stinaljungstrom8691 Жыл бұрын

I would say it's almost the same with depression. You can get depressed because your life isn't correlating with what you believe to be valuable. Maybe you realized your old behavior and life doesn't work for you anymore. Then you can get depressed until you change things and start living more true to you values.

@aleciaupson9977 Жыл бұрын

I felt that

@mmowec8159 Жыл бұрын

Wow. So well said. I'm in complete agreement

@amandav5824 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for saying that. It makes perfect sense

@drstrangelove307 Жыл бұрын

@@stinaljungstrom8691 that last line about living true to your values hit me like a truck. I really needed to hear something like that, thank you, seriously. It’s something I need to start doing now.

@adilahaz Жыл бұрын

My cognitive dissonance: Forgiveness The longer I hold to the hurt, anger, bitterness and resentment from mistreatment, I couldn't feel joyful and happiness with my life. Action: 1. I forgive and let go of past hurt because they no longer serve the purpose 2. I forgive in order to move my life forward to be more kind and compassionate 3. I forgive to release myself from guilt, shame, unworthiness, pain and injustice Thanks for showing the relativism of values and actions

@drewjames1778 3 жыл бұрын

"Integrity is all about closing the gap between our actions & our values." "There is no substitute for integrity when it comes to a peace of mind." Thank you so much for the reminder! Love the background music. Blessings on you today.

@someguy2135 Жыл бұрын

One example would be those people who are compassionate and love animals, but still create the demand for factory farmed animal agriculture.

@JEBBY123IFY Жыл бұрын

Be that hero!!

@teacherlady6500 2 жыл бұрын

Emma, I don’t know if you are still even reading these comments but I just have to say…. I spent lots of money and lots of time working with another therapist for almost a year and made zero progress with my anxiety. You have helped me so much just by watching videos!!! Thank you for making a difference in my life. I have to do the work but I thank you for the ideas .

@Mushroom321- Жыл бұрын

Congratulations 🎊

@amaliamejia7277 Жыл бұрын

Proud of you teacherlady that this video is helping you !

@stephengwalker8714 Жыл бұрын

Go get it teacherlady! Cheers! I agree with you and on same journey!

@itspurple9824 Жыл бұрын

why is there a space before the last . like this .

@TSJ99 Жыл бұрын

@@itspurple9824 does it matter

@tuphdc8779 3 жыл бұрын

she's so wholesome! I feel better just by her presence

@lisbethbird8268 3 жыл бұрын

@@annieb3108 what is your problem?

@kimmyjimmy1731 3 жыл бұрын

@@lisbethbird8268 wut dud she say?

@amjan 3 жыл бұрын

Who is "she"? You can write in 2nd person to Mrs Emma since this is her channel.

@tuphdc8779 3 жыл бұрын

@@amjan processing your emotions take some time but you are stronger than you think

@lisbethbird8268 3 жыл бұрын

@@kimmyjimmy1731 just dumb insults to Emma. Somebody got rid of em. Good.

@amihere383 Жыл бұрын

My biggest help getting rid of those “should dos” is to replace them with “want to”. Saying you should is another way of saying that you have to, and it automatically takes more effort to do something you have to do compared to something you want to do, just because you have to do it. I don’t have to exercise. But I want to, because it makes me feel so much better physically and mentally. It’s not a requirement for me, so it’s not a chore or something that weighs on my mental willpower.

@phoebebaker1575 Жыл бұрын

It’s amazing how much of a difference that makes!

@annalesezawodny-benlon4359 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for mentioning this. Your example is such a helpful way to adjust thinking, AND it is motivational. I am trying this today

@Je-Lia Жыл бұрын

Fantastic! So true. Very insightful. Very effective. I do the same thing. Another way of looking at it, that I try to give to my boys is: Connect to a sense of joy, EN-joy-ment in whatever it is you are doing. One way, is to be fully present, rather than "just can't wait to get this done, over with, so I can play on my Xbox!"

@octohex2908 3 ай бұрын

so we should work from a place of abundance to fullfill rather than holes we have to fill

@readers9721 9 ай бұрын

I am a clinical psychologist and watching her videos has developed me as a therapist so much. I am beyond grateful for her. ❤

@robwalton2007 2 ай бұрын

Hey, I am glad you developed more as a therapist by watching Emma's videos. And, from someone with anxiety, depression and PTSD that is in therapy, THANK YOU for being a psychologist and doing what you do. We need more people like you. 🥰❤

@laurenroberts4159 Жыл бұрын

This CD has three separate relaxation/meditation sessions on it kzfaq.infoUgkxzpa8CIfZcihW4Z0F_ja0QF3W9KIatrsq guided by a very pleasant and direct male voice. Unlike so many other products of its type, this CD does not have bad synthesizer music, does not feature a phony or affected style of narration, and does not make any bogus claims to be subliminal or to re-train the brain or any of that balderdash. What you get is 1. a guided meditation for getting into a pleasantly relaxed state of body awareness while taking a stroll (superb for those easing back into a fitness routine slowly after an illness or injury) 2. A nice long breath-awareness relaxation session that if followed diligently can put you into very deep states of full-body relaxation and mental calmness, and 3. a buddhist-inspired meditation session designed to help you develop and maintain feelings of loving kindness toward not just yourself and your friends, but toward people you don't even like. The CD makes no claims to be designed for advanced meditators or for buddhists or hindus/yoga practitioners looking for very deep and esoteric stuff. It is geared more toward the average person who just wants to develop the habit of relaxation and stress relief through natural, healthy means. him, if you happen to be reading this, keep up the good work fella, and I love your accent. I would also like to note that I have never fallen asleep while listening to this product. I would like to kindly suggest to the reviewer who said this CD makes him fall asleep, that he might want to get checked to see if he has a sleep disorder, or if he is simply not setting aside ample time for restful sleep at night. A healthy person getting adequate rest at night should be able to go into deep states of mental relaxation without dozing off, if not all the time, then most of the time.

@BozzleyOfficial Жыл бұрын

God this is gold. "There is no substitute for integrity when it comes to peace of mind".

@PusheenQueen3000 2 жыл бұрын

I’ve been in therapy on and off for years. I’ve been ghosted by therapists and I’ve felt like my issues are so deeply ingrained that I almost feel hopeless. I’ve often told therapists that I feel like my logical self hasn’t been able to convince my emotional self so I’ve been living in a black hole of guilt, shame mixed with anxiety, adhd, and thanks to the pandemic, depression. It’s take it’s toll in every single aspect of my life and I can physically feel it. Thanks to your video now I know it’s called cognitive dissonance.

@justinebourke9449 Жыл бұрын

I'm very similar to you I think in that therapists/counsellors just get frustrated with me and give up because I am so resistant to suggestions , then I feel like a total hopeless case. My fear and negativity is just so deeply ingrained from childhood. I know I have cognitive dissonance. I know that I need to take actions but I just can't bring myself to. Now I'm in an endless cycle of really extreme anxiety and depression, it is constant and I'm paralysed with it. I can't motivate myself to leave my bed, I barely eat or wash or anything. I don't know what to do with myself and my time and I mostly do nothing but panic. I know I should go for walks, for example, but when I do it takes tremendous will power to make myself, I hate every moment of it and feel so vulnerable and horrible doing it I don't feel any better afterwards yet I feel guilty if I don't, it's the same with just about everything. I feel like I need somebody to coax me and hold my hand to do anything - to live.. I'm 50 but feel like a scared child and I'm so ashamed of that. I don't have anyone to be with and encourage me and I just can't motivate myself or know what to do. I don't know if you're experiencing the same but you seem to be very stuck in some way also? How are you now, 4 months on?

@karolinam3 Жыл бұрын

@@justinebourke9449 I was very stuck also and then started listening to Anna Runkle. This channel and hers helped me to understand a lot and also to get back the motivation to live. I hope you find something that works for you because I know this is a bad place to be stuck. But there is hope - if I made it, I'm sure you can as well ❤️‍🩹

@Aquarian_Heart Жыл бұрын

@@justinebourke9449 what you describe yourself as is exactly what I'm facing in all aspects you mentioned. I feel the exact same way.. like I need someone to hold my hand and help me do everything. What I account to this is I'm shutting down due to not healing my inner child. The needing of someone to help me do everything I feel is due to the lack of help I had as a child.. I didn't get it and now as an adult I'm very sad about it and feel like a child in some ways. I'm trying to work on self parenting.. like I cannot convince myself to do the things I need but then I talk to myself as a parent I wish I had.. and I allow myself to feel how I would feel if I had that parent actually say it. But I do wish I had someone around to help me get into the groove.

@Aquarian_Heart Жыл бұрын

I am in the same spot.. stuck.. because I know myself and my situation so well I shock my therapists with my own knowledge. It's just the doing part that I'm struggling with

@justinebourke9449 Жыл бұрын

@@Aquarian_Heart I feel for you because I know exactly what it's like. It's unbearable. It's so lonely and scary for me, I don't know if you feel that way? I'm reduced to a helpess, terrified little child who has lost its mother , its the rawest pain and fear, utter devastation and then how demeaning it is, I hate myself for not being able to get ot of it. The shame is huge and you know how people will see you as pathetic for being this way but how could they possibly understand without having experienced it themselves?

@Kayla4217 3 жыл бұрын

How is it that I've spent nearly 10 years in therapy and this is the first time someone has explained to me something I have been trying to figure out on my own what my problem is for 26 years now

@sandym4317 2 жыл бұрын

I’m learning the Medical field wants to continue‘treating’ the problem, not curing it. No matter the disease. Emma has helped me so much in her videos.

@Phantom.1 2 жыл бұрын

Because talk therapy doesn’t work. That’s why it lasts for YEARS. Acceptance Commitment Therapy, (ACT) works.

@RestWithin Жыл бұрын

Therapists don’t teach they just listen.

@jebidiahnewkedkracker1801 Жыл бұрын

Probably like me you MAY have placed too much faith in the "objective science" of psychology and/or the "benefits" of "therapy"? (Therapy CAN BE very beneficial....To the therapists pocketbook? Or maybe they are just "pushers" for the pharmaceutical industry...."Gotta problem with your parents or spouse? Take two of these........((Fill in the blank with whatever LEGAL psychotropic is available with a psychiatrists Rx)).... and call me next week or next month!") But putting aside such cynicism, there probably ARE many therapists who actually have their HEARTS in the right place, and genuinely WANT to help their patients, but there may be some that MIGHT BE "in over their head" dealing with patients?? Or maybe like I suspect a number of psychiatrists I have had and dealt with, they generally do not have the patience or temperament to listen to numerous people complain for an hour once a week or once a month, and the solution is just to throw legally prescribed drugs at the problem???? I don't know. I DO know, that yes, one may have to do a lot of searching for answers on their own. But if a KZfaq video helps you find answers, or a solution to a problem, it can't be all that bad right?? Or until you start reading THE COMMENTS?!?🤣🥺😒😶🤗

@RestWithin Жыл бұрын

@@redredkroovy they expect you to heal yourself because when you talk things through with someone you start to understand what the problem is and how to solve it yourself plus talking is cathartic and healing in that repressed emotions or responses to traumatic experiences can be offloaded. It helps but they don’t have a magic wand.

@waynemills206 9 ай бұрын

I find the appeal to the grace of god within a cognitive dissonance video a rich one. I would contend that gods were the product of a brain bereft of cognitive self examination (like Emma outlines here) and therefore constructed an outlet to specifically address the cognitive dissonance of hope, meaning and purpose in a reality where none of those matter - except of course to us. Vicarious redemption, scapegoating, cognitive saviors etc. all point to a brain's desire to reduce stress when we either make predictive errors or fail to resolve novel predictions. In essence, we use gods to tie off cortisol flow when we can't resolve something ourselves.

@sarahglass6841 3 жыл бұрын

What you teach and share on your channel is life changing. I've gone to therapy on and off for the last 10 years to find help, to live with less stress and anxiety, to heal trauma, and live more authentically and more in alignment with who I am. Youre videos have helped me more than all those years of therapy, in a fraction of the time. So thank you, so very much for what you do. Also im very much looking forward to the future videos about figuring out ones personal values. As I dont think many people know that about themselves, I know I sure don't and am just scratching the surface on that topic.

@LoDi1177 3 жыл бұрын

Ditto

@annabellenewman1945 Жыл бұрын

Life changing..,HA

@theresekirkpatrick3337 Жыл бұрын

Me as well

@Solscapes. Жыл бұрын

Dissonence is often a product of gaslighting. Invalidation has been shown to directly cause self-esteem issues, while personalized invalidation causes depression, at least according to science.

@TysonMichael77 2 жыл бұрын

“Choosing to be honest about what you value and what you want to do” I love that, I feel like often times we just do things cause we feel or think we “should” when in reality sometimes you don’t want to do that thing at all. I think it’s best to just be honest with ourselves & listen to our bodies

@damien678 Жыл бұрын

A lot of people also should come to terms with their darker sides, too. That's when I started truly feeling more at peace with myself and more confident

@kgreene460 3 жыл бұрын

This channel is incredibly valuable to me! I cannot afford traditional therapy right now and these mini lectures really hit the spot and help me process SO much through journaling, thank you!

@drewjames1778 3 жыл бұрын

So true! I completely agree. Such much value on this channel.

@yvonnedaniel1053 3 жыл бұрын

She has helped me so much. She explains things so well and truly wants us to understand so we can take control over the changes we need to make.

@RayWalker-pythonic 3 жыл бұрын

It is for me, too. I like her no nonsense explanations.

@jimicunningable 2 жыл бұрын

IF IT NEEDS TO BE BOUGHT, IT IS A PRODUCT, NOT HEALING. REJECT THIS WORLD'S VALUES AND WE WILL ALL BE MORE LIKELY TO THRIVE.

@kgreene460 2 жыл бұрын

@@jimicunningable There's no need to YELL ABOUT IT, JIMI. Calm down and stop trying to tell other people how to live their lives. You have just as many answers as I do, don;t forget that.

@ralphmccawley1554 3 жыл бұрын

Hi Emma, thank you. You may have, in ten minutes, helped me to finally understand what I've been struggling with for 70 years ( minus the 16 + training wheel years). Now it's up to me to gently apply this information and try to make my remaining years more comfortable, not just for myself but the wonderful, patient people that have been loving and supporting me through my sometime troubled and misguided life. Thank you, you keep up the great and good work, you've obviously have a gift for it as this was the first time I have seen any of your work. All the very best to you and yours.

@charoncross6696 3 жыл бұрын

I'm feeling a bit called out here.

@josephisaround 7 ай бұрын

Everybody who got offended by the example used in this video is exactly the person who should watch this video.

@Unkn0wn1133 Жыл бұрын

I used to have anxiety every day untill I thought about was causing it like being in debt, lying in some way,procrastinating, being around people I shouldnt. Then I stopped doing these things as much as possible and I only get anxious when Im doing something I shouldnt basically. What she’s saying really works

@doug1844 3 жыл бұрын

“There is no substitute for integrity when it comes to peace of mind.” You’d think that would be obvious and yet people choose to ignore that simple fact and suffer the consequences.

@suzannax 3 жыл бұрын

It's not easy to face yourself

@nancyaustin9516 3 жыл бұрын

There isn't much focus on integrity these days. Instead it's "How to be successful" or "Learn to be calmer in 7 easy steps."

@karthikkj3421 2 күн бұрын

I had to learn this lesson the hard way

@fyrefox01 2 күн бұрын

Actually the best video for ppl surviving Narcissistic abuse, domestic violence, or being "stuck" in any relationship.

@gavin4848 3 жыл бұрын

Saying that you shouldn't need to exercise to be healthy is a good example of cognitive dissonance. Healthy is objective, if you can exercise at all, it's helpful.

@Take-yr5hl 3 жыл бұрын

I really value the added part on the video! I think it's amazing that you are also reflecting on what you're saying and making your communication as clear as possible

@LJK1032 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much, Emma, for sharing your knowledge, experience, and wisdom. 💕 I am grateful God led me to your channel, your clear teaching helps me more than you can know. I’m a 70-year widow about to retire from my long career and your videos show me how to understand myself better to be a blessing to others and myself in the new journey ahead. Many blessings to you! ☀️🌷Keep up your work, you are gifted to help others understand our life journey on this earth.

@Lyddiebits Жыл бұрын

I recently realized I have a gigantic gap between who I think I am, versus who people see me as and it’s crushing. I have thought I was a nice person, but some of me closest people, my husband, and 2 of my 5 siblings say I’m not nice. I’m 48. This explains a lot, such as why I have felt tolerated,out of familial duty, rather than actual friendship. I have a lot to work on and now I am second guessing every friendship I have.

@marygrowe9831 Жыл бұрын

Beware of toxic relationships. I "lost" 95% of my family, due to challenges to integrity. Thankfully, I kept mine. Is it hard knowing they still exist? At first, YES. But as time passed, I realized....there never was much of a relationship...a healthy, reciprocating relationship.

@theauthenticchannel0 Жыл бұрын

Omg same, I’m 22 and now I feel as if I have no one… I’m sad inside..but I think I will be okay. I’m praying that God does the work in me so that I find someone/people who love me unconditionally

@estudiaresmipasion2412 Жыл бұрын

May God always bless you guys.. you are so worthy and I pray that you see how wonderful you are because you were created in the image of God who loves you so so much... 💕 have a nice day

@Humbledone. Жыл бұрын

I'm the same ,I thiught I was nice to but my reactions aren't. Turns out it's autism and adhd and om constantly frustrated and can't relax and feel joy. I get jealous too. I don't want to be like this,bad emotions or reactions just come out. I've lost a lot. It's hard to be in your heart when you have constant anxiety 💔 I hope you get the guidance you need ❤️

@malkaz9167 Жыл бұрын

@@theauthenticchannel0 You ARE worthy of all that is good in life. It’s good to pray, but you, also, need to find someone who can help you. Maybe, confide in a friend, a relative, a teacher, a doctor, clergy or, perhaps, a therapist. Good luck. I wish you all that you wish for yourself.

@maryshannon3326 Жыл бұрын

Very well stated and explained. I love that you brought in having humility at the end, and referenced your faith. That is what gets me through the difficult times and to quit beating myself up too much. But I agree that being in integrity between our thoughts and actions is key for a more peaceful life. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

@keitha.neubert3063 Жыл бұрын

I appreciate the manner in which you teach. Casual, informative, and supportive. Thank you from Western Maine.

@19zulueta 3 жыл бұрын

I usually watch your videos for training my english. I'm from Brazil, and I Think that you have a perfect and good accent for foreing students like me. Thank you very much for sharing your time and knowledge. You are helping us from a lot of ways.

@Nandaksilva 3 жыл бұрын

You’re Amazing! I can feel how much compassion you have for people suffering with mental issues. Thanks! ❤️

@jacquelinecraycraft7495 2 жыл бұрын

Been seeing a counselor for over 20 years and you have helped me more than all of them combined. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge. You're helping me become a happier person.🙂

@TheTrock121 3 жыл бұрын

Love your take on this. My personality is a series of polar opposites and I have struggled for decades to integrate my personality. The bible uses the term double minded as a type of cognitive dissonance in the Book of James: 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. The bible is a priceless resource for foundational values. It is truly the Owner's Manual. I am only truly at peace when I can come boldly into God's presence.

@videoettaceo8900 3 жыл бұрын

This reminds me of a Joyce Meyer teaching 😊

@AMcDub0708 3 жыл бұрын

I have polar opposites in my personality too. For me, it’s not bipolar though (and you didn’t mention that either). Rather, I found out it’s perfectionism. I go at something like crazy until I can’t possibly sustain it anymore and then I collapse and couldn’t bare to ever look at or do that thing again bc the thought of exerting that much energy lifelong is depressing. The other extreme is also perfectionism, just not the way most assume it presents itself. I have these ideas or standards that are so high that I just don’t even start something.

@TheTrock121 3 жыл бұрын

@@AMcDub0708 If you act in love, then even if when you push yourself to the edge of physical and emotional collapse to complete a project you will be glad you did. If you throw your hat over a wall, you will figure out how to climb over the wall. I have started remodeling projects that I couldn't afford, didn't exactly know how to do, and didn't have all the tools for and God provided everything. If you have kids, show them they can do anything they set their minds too.

@user-qf6gw7uk6l Жыл бұрын

Amen!

@pmbluemoon 3 жыл бұрын

Wow, I just had another mind-blowing epiphany about myself, thank you so much for making these videos 👍

@lm-il8gx Жыл бұрын

As someone with anorexia, let me say that was excellent clarification and this is a great video. Thank you.

@Catalystresource Жыл бұрын

You are a gifted natural-born teacher! Every video is so detailed, thorough, clear and down to earth. Easy to understand for a complete beginning lay person or a helping professional.

@SpecialAngelArtDolls 3 жыл бұрын

I don't even have words for everything I feel right now. Thank you, thank you, thank you for what you're doing, putting this out here to help people like me and so many others who want and need healing and help across a lot of areas but who maybe don't have local resources or can't pay for them if they exist. A video from your channel popped up in my recommendations today, probably because the internet is just way too smart and some algorithm somewhere knows I've been all over the web looking for help. Your personal message of faith at the end gave me great joy and great hope. You have a new subscriber. Thank you!

@courtneyj9906 2 жыл бұрын

This is easily my main problem in life. Living opposite to my values is painful. I am constantly upset with myself because I want to do the right thing, but this thing that I know is not right is what I end up doing, especially since I am a Christian, so I'm living opposite of my spiritual values a lot of the time. Which has me questioning if I even value those things anymore. I think I may need to spend some time working through this topic through prayer journaling.

@noompsieOG Жыл бұрын

You just used labelling when you said “Christian” which is a sign of cognitive dissonance , all the best 🙏

@courtneyj9906 Жыл бұрын

@@noompsieOG huh?

@noompsieOG Жыл бұрын

@@courtneyj9906 so you haven’t watched the video ? You should watch it , then you will understand what I mean

@jonwebb6644 2 жыл бұрын

I appreciate that you incorporate spirituality into your practice.

@loisanderson6918 Жыл бұрын

I had to take a LOT of classes to become a Biblical counselor. Those classes gave me a lot of information, but they didn't give me much in regards to practical tips or helpful information to PASS ON to clients. You videos are absolutely filling in what those classes were lacking. I so appreciate you taking the time to make these practical videos, and I'm SO glad I found them. God BLESS you!!!!

@sarahisbell1918 Жыл бұрын

I’m really glad that as a counselor of any kind, you realize at least the more harmful cognitive dissonance in religious institutions.

@meaghenstandlee6644 2 жыл бұрын

Getting a physical job helped motivate me to lose weight and make money do good in the world 💜 I walk 15,000 steps a day went from 165 to 125 in 6 months and feel great 👍

@jimmymatt6228 Жыл бұрын

Twenty years ago literally myself I lost 40 lb in 6 months. I've kept it off and I so congratulate you for getting to that point too! (The first jog around the block I almost thought I wanted to die... I was skinny kid and then I was nineteen years old and basically gained those 40 lb in like a year-and-a-half smoking pot and just not exercising or whatever and realizing to my body was not at the high school metabolism anymore!)

@meaghenstandlee6644 Жыл бұрын

@@jimmymatt6228 So happy for you too ! And thanks! It wasn't easy BUT I finally had figured out the secrete motivation for me was money 💰 not health benefits 😂 we all need to celebrate our wins and yours is definitely a win too congrats!

@jimmymatt6228 Жыл бұрын

@@meaghenstandlee6644 you remind me of something I can putting off that started doing a half year ago. I need to start lifting weights are doing push-ups. You're doing all that work, it reminds me that could start doing a little weekly / daily work in other areas of my life. (It's not that I care of other people are in shape or not, it's just that at 49, I noticed a year ago I was regaining some strength I didn't know I lost and ways besides having some firmness and forearms, etc..). Anyways, your story is inspirational and it's a reminder of something on my to-do list I've been procrastinating on. Rock on, woman!

@justinjohnson1686 3 жыл бұрын

Wow! I thought I loved you before, but after you paused in the middle of the video to make a point of not offending anybody or guilting them, made me love you even more! I personally don't have weight issues, but I thought that epitomized integrity. You're a beautiful soul, thank you for your videos.

@annvonbelow9934 Жыл бұрын

This was amazing and feels so relevant for me right now. Had never heard of cognitive dissonance or this comprehensive tool for how to try to manage and reduce it. It will take time but it makes so much sense. Your compassion and humility struck a different inspirational chord and ended the video perfectly. Thank you.

@laylapressley1536 2 жыл бұрын

I would love to see a focused live in regards to adults (35+)coping and dealing with adult loneliness especially as you continue doing your work as far as Self Help books and things of that nature so you understand your boundaries and how you can't force things but you still need tips in coping with the loneliness

@winonarampage Жыл бұрын

That is my wish as well! I’m friendly and outgoing but I’m chronically single (38) and can’t find ANYONE to hang out, platonic or otherwise :(

@ramonaobreja6678 Жыл бұрын

As a person with an ED, in which I am trying to justify my actions to myself into a binge, it was mind-blowing as I paused it and asked myself why do I do this so much, why do I negotiate so much with myself that a large amount of food is necessary. Thank you so much!

@madhurikumari1697 3 жыл бұрын

I feel blessed to hv such a nice expertise of knowledge and compassion in an inexplored area. Thanks from d core of my heart

@pandemoniumeris Жыл бұрын

Wow. I didn't realize this could help me with my issues with not doing what is expected by society. This is some I have been working on and didn't realize that my confidence and self-esteem was linked to cognitive dissonance. While I understood that it was okay to not be so put together as what was expected of me, this explanation gave better understanding to what was going on with myself and clarified choices I have and give me hope to improve and love myself more. Thank you.

@gemmabramley3748 3 жыл бұрын

Praise God for his grace and mercy. He is the only person that can change us as we submit to his word and the truth. God bless you and your family 🙏🏼

@grandjette 2 жыл бұрын

This helps me to understand better how I need to examine my conscience. More than just a harmony between my values and how I behave, that honesty to myself brings me to see that someone bigger than I am (someone who loves me) wants me to be happy. It comes about by accepting reality and facing the challenges that comes with it with optimism.

@cmellowdee 2 жыл бұрын

The first three minutes summarizes the root of so much unhappiness people harbor. Thank you for being you and bravo!

@ramanaarti 2 ай бұрын

You inspire, Emma ! Your videos have the capacity of turning over someone's life for the best version of themselves ! For me this is one of the best ways to make our planet a better place. May the force be with you always ! Love and best wishes ❤

@melimelon8 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for this video. It is sometimes hard to fully take accountability for our actions. You explained the topic of cognative dissonance well, and I feel like I understand this so much better now and in a way that was straightforward yet compassionate.

@Yosetime 3 жыл бұрын

That was one of my favorite videos I've watched on this channel, which has been a lifesaver for me, by the way!! I have suffered from a debilitating health condition for 16.5 years now. This physical disability has weaved it's way into my mental health and my sense of who I am, which is so much different than the way I was before the injury. But, in this last year, my specialists have found a way to give me temporary pain relief. It seemed like a miracle. Like I'd won the lottery! It was amazing to be pain free after so long of being desperate for even a few minutes of peace. The procedure will have to be repeated every year or so, which is always on my mind as it's terrible and requires a 6 week recovery period. But, while I have this temporary, although limited, relief, I feel like I have the ability to get back to doing things I used to. Yet, I don't. Or at least not all the time. It feels like one step forward and 2 steps back. I've been trying to label this lack of moving forward consistently when I know I can. But you just hit it right on the nose!! Now I have some clarity. Something to work with. Certainly I have changed throughout these long 16 years both by my circumstances and by the natural aging process (I'm 53 now, was 36 when the injury occured). I'm struggling to find a new normal. Who am I now? Since watching this video, I can now have a look at my new values. What I want from my life and what I expect from myself now, in these current circumstances. Once I've done this, I can use your advice to create actions to match my new values, or to refocus my thoughts to meet more realistic and genuine goals for how I want to live. Your advice has given me so much clarity and hope. I know what I have to do. And I understand it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! And thank you for making your video's free to watch on KZfaq. I wouldn't be able to afford to pay for it as I'm not yet able to work and still on disability. But, I now know that I can still be a good, genuine, and productive person if I can align my new values and goals with my actions and thoughts, rather than self-pity, procrastination, and constantly worrying about what will happen in the future (this thought process keeps me from doing ANYTHING). I am free!! There are no words to describe how thankful I am for you! I am not a religious person per say, but you are. So, God bless your beautiful spirit! I will continue to watch ALL of your videos and use them wisely and with much gratitude! Love, from Alberta, Canada!

@amyjones7962 Жыл бұрын

I knew it was something just not which something. 2022 has been a year full of so much learning and so many positive changes in my life and the life of my family and home. Your videos are a true gift and blessing on our lives. I can’t thank you enough for all that I have learned and been able to finally heal this year! I’m a completely different and “gooder” 😉😊 human. My soul sees yours and it’s screaming THANK YOU you beautiful and amazingful woman. Blessings upon blessings I pray for your life and family. ♥️🙏🏻

@Nickel-and-dimes-budget Жыл бұрын

We’ll said. I believe exercise was a great example because i do value my health but i realize it was my mindset that was holding back my values. Thank you so much

@plenarygrace Жыл бұрын

What an AMAZING Public Service!!! Your gifts will be returned to you a thousand-fold! ❤

@wecleanitbysv Жыл бұрын

I have to say, your videos have been an enormous help to me. As I have been having to deal with a psychopath who is suing me and my family based on a story that was completely fabricated using made up evidence, it has been a mental roller coaster in having to cope and understand the evil behind the acts of this psychopath. My life has been on hold for 4.5 years now because of this individual, but I have been learning a lot from your videos how to manage my inability to understand such evil that exists in the world and having to manage my emotions and run away thoughts that never seem to get tired of running through my head. Thank you for the work you are doing by making these videos available to the public. You've touched the life of at least one person. Thank you!

@alyssalauren8088 Жыл бұрын

So sorry about your situation. I hope it gets cleared up as the nonsense it is.

@rebeccacline1433 Жыл бұрын

The Lord is using you greatly. Praying blessings over you and your ministry. Thank you!

@kathrineshaw9901 8 ай бұрын

You are so gifted in explaining feelings and putting our choices and actions into words that we can easily understand. Thank you so much. Plus your voice is very soothing. Thank you for what you are doing to help others.

@cynicallyyours61 2 жыл бұрын

And we need to stop looking at ourselves as something that needs to be fixed. We are whole and complete as we are, our thoughts and beliefs are what needs focusing on.

@suchaita1987 Жыл бұрын

Extremely eye-opening. When asked to write down the areas of my life where I experience cognitive dissonance I couldn't think of anything significant to begin with. But after some thought, I identified 8. Then thinking through the first two techniques helped me figure out where I should be working on aligning my thinking with my behaviour and the other way round. Looking forward to more reflections and insights. Thank you so much for your efforts!

@MagdaleneDivine 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks for being willing to share your knowledge on KZfaq for free.

@alicerose8057 Жыл бұрын

Not every issue is super easy. Sometimes there is dissonance about something that isn’t necessarily the right path. It is very possible to be conflicted about an issue in your life. It’s also possible to know what you’re doing isn’t right and you’re not justifying it, you’re just feeling powerless over your thoughts and feelings about a thing. It might be impossible for you to be ok no matter what you choose. Life can be a double edged sword. You point out a lot of examples of very simple right or wrong. Not every issue is clearly right or wrong. There are so much more complexities to life.

@mandyschwartzberg3849 Жыл бұрын

Completely agree.

@PleaseDontEatAnimals 6 ай бұрын

So interesting regarding cognitive dissonance=suffering.💡 😳For years I had deep feelings of cognitive dissonance because I loved animals, but I ate animals. I had all sorts of justifications in my head to continue eating them (lions eat gazelles, etc.). Then I realized I don't have to eat animals, humans can be herbivorous even if lions and other animals cannot. I myself didn't have to add to the suffering in the world by killing others and eating them. I've been vegan for over 3 decades now and it's by far the BEST decision I've ever made! I eat totally guilt-free and as a bonus, I've never had to watch my weight since going vegan. I still eat all the same foods I used to eat (pizza, tacos, nice cream, chocolate, etc.), just the cruelty-free version instead of animal-based products. I think there must be many who needlessly suffer in the way that I did because 95% of people say they care about nonhuman animals, but 95% of people continue to eat them. I'm here to welcome people to the kind side--you can free yourself from the cognitive dissonance while freeing animals from their incarceration and lives of horrible suffering and being killed as babies for human taste buds. I believe the world could be almost utopian if we all lived by the 'Golden rule' and refused to kill others and consume violence. ❤🌍 As George Bernard Shaw wrote: "While we ourselves are the living graves of murdered beasts, how can we expect any ideal conditions on this earth?"

@mejiaguillermo4998 3 жыл бұрын

Emma you are a Blessing in my life, I am also Blessed to know we are of the same Faith in Christ. Thank you for helping people like me for free. Stay Blessed sista!

@Je-Lia Жыл бұрын

I may have lost a friend. They, in the last decade or so, embraced their status of Mental Illness Sufferer. True enough, they do have trauma history and anxiety, legit. But they have embraced this status so staunchly that they cannot discern certain cognitive dissonances in their behavior. I said, "You're aiming for limited targeted capabilities -- not wellness." And I pointed out certain circumstances that illustrated a dissonance between their "I can't" belief and a certain area of their life where "I can't" DOES NOT exist. This is a dissonance that points to or strongly suggests that their "I can't" is... well, frankly, selective, and that there isn't nearly as much "I can't" as they'd like to believe. Believing strongly in their "I can't" in effect excuses them from truly pursuing wellness and ownership (responsibility) for the quality of their life. Instead, they harbor a lot of animosity towards Society in general, blaming society for the condition of their life, and that society doesn't provide for them, though they are on public assistance, have tens of thousands of dollars worth of electronic equipment, and a 60" television. They have constructed an entire infrastructure, an entire story-line engendering everyone's compassion, sympathy, and consensus, based on the foundational belief that they Cannot Be Well/Whole, that it's not achievable, that it is too risky to pursue. That is where they find a small amount of peace. I shrug. It's their right. Not what I would choose. And, evidently, it couldn't withstand my pointing these dissonances out... I'd rather hold their hand and lend my support to help them find the way to less dissonance and more true wellness, than continue to bolster the consensus that ignores this disconnect.

@amberroberts411 Ай бұрын

Thank you so much for the work you do Emma. I’m finally healing from CPTSD, and it means everything to finally feel like I have autonomy with the skills that you’re teaching.

@zayinm31 Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for saying that integrity is the basis of self-respect and sharing how it helps you to see yourself through the eyes of God, both the brutal honestly of how much we fall short and the grace. It's funny how I seem to need the very simple facts and ideas over and over again, and to be reassured that I'm not alone in certain convictions. I love your approach and attitude and I'll be absorbing all I can, so thank you for putting this all out there!

@juj6263 3 жыл бұрын

Emma has helped me soooo much :) late last year i was very depressed and found her channel and felt such a calming feeling whenever i listened to her. Great advice and great channel

@taniavarela1286 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you thank you! Your videos are gems, keep them coming!

@susankamar9660 Ай бұрын

Just discovered this video waiting at therapist’s office . Forever grateful 💜Thank you Emma

@pibly7784 Жыл бұрын

Oh wow. This is exactly the name to my problem. YEARS of paying for self-help products and NEVER using them- yet yearning for a WAY OUT of the hamster wheel of decades of self loathing. I am indeed pulled between the two worlds of healthy verses familiar.

@dineinpsychology 3 жыл бұрын

You do such a great job of explaining topics! That cognitive dissonance is so real and can really be a struggle to deal with.

@anon0926 3 жыл бұрын

Wish I could hire you to fix me 🙆🐢🐸

@tiggywinkle5933 3 жыл бұрын

@Therapy in a Nutshell HACKER ALERT HACKER ALERT HACKER ALERT HACKER ALERT HACKER ALERT HACKER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@CM-sf9bc 3 жыл бұрын

I try so hard NOT to justify and oddly enough, going through the same things as "Jenny."

@kimmyjimmy1731 3 жыл бұрын

@@tiggywinkle5933 wut ur a hacker

@tiggywinkle5933 3 жыл бұрын

@@kimmyjimmy1731 There was someone posting using @Therapy in a Nutshell under peoples posts asking them to contact them on whatsapp for an exciting business opportunity. They made it look like they were Emma McAdam. I was trying to prevent people losing money but the hacker has removed all their identical posts from this thread. I will now go through and delete my warning posts. I must have scared them off. At a second look through the posts some still remain so I have left my comment underneath each one.

@charlesdavidson9752 Жыл бұрын

A fourth way: we are not monolithic in our thoughts, i e , have many voices with many rationales for their world and self views. So, ask yourselves what is valuable to all of the yous in you and why they are. Then when you have dissonance, you can find why the various thoughts and feelings are affecting you and the whys may inspire you to create a choice that satisfies and affects more of your needs and wants about yourself and your world view gracefully, i. e. with patience without criticism, with kindness to yourselves. For me, just changing my thoughts is difficult if all of me doesn't have a reason that makes all of me feel like it's going to be valuable in a way that all of me will experience the value. **

@flyingumbreons Жыл бұрын

I woke up with anxiety every morning. I realize how much I say doesnt line up with what I do. I feel stress, guilt, sad, even self loathing.

@iloveserenitychurch 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this video!!!

@jedd7858 Жыл бұрын

Yes the grace of God allows us to change, giving clarity for the next step forward! Your talk is good to think about. We really need to get rid of double standards within. Thanks for sharing!

@Forreminiscing Жыл бұрын

Amen

@drstrangelove307 Жыл бұрын

Amen!

@InSouthernMaine 6 ай бұрын

This is the best discourse on living in alignment with one's values that I've ever heard. You've captured exactly the right tone - one that resonates AND motivates. Gentle and kind is never the wrong approach when speaking to and about people who are already drowning in self-loathing and despair. Thank you.

@RantPocalypse 2 жыл бұрын

No notepad close… so writing this here. One area where my actions don’t align with my values is the fact that I value kindness, but I’m not kind to myself with my negative self-talk.

@joaquinjrabeto565 Жыл бұрын

So thru...we are our worst critics...charity starts at home..self-love is self-care ..it not selfish...you cannot give that which you don't have..otherwise cognitive dissonance arises.

@cad4409 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for the Passion Project. Your work speaks to my soul. You have a great way of explaining topics that can be complicated. You apply them to real life. Your work is an amazing inspiration! Thank you for being a blessing💖

@terapiaymindfulnesskosher 3 жыл бұрын

My gosh... I was just teaching about this! I very much like your videos. Warm regards!

@qnkendra1523 Жыл бұрын

I recently was helped see that I wasn't living by a self made rule of not being "two faced". I have for years worked to make it so the things I say about someone is consistent if a little more gently put in person. Dealing with a difficult person in my life I had some trusted people point out that I don't like that person. They have a relationship with my partner that is complicated so I was for my partner's sake allowing much more emotional dumping, triangulation and enmeshment in their relationship then matched my own integrity. Although the difficult person did get more difficult as I re-established boundaries and changed my own behaviors to better reflect my personal feelings (not rude or dismissive - polite but distant) and I feel better about myself because of that. Two-faced is when you only talk bad things about someone to others but are nice and seeming friendly to their face. I've made it a personal rule that if the majority that comes out of my mouth about someone when they are not around is negative then I need to adjust and distance their place in my life.

@philipgermani1616 Жыл бұрын

Your talks have been more helpful to me than any previous therapy sessions. Thank you.

@aurora-88 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for these very valuable videos!

@niiii_niiii 3 жыл бұрын

I love you Emma, god bless you

@carpenterfamily6198 3 жыл бұрын

Yes, she’s great ! 🙂

@SaveTheEcosystem 11 ай бұрын

I do believe that mental health and physical health go hand to hand with one another. I’m not trying to piss anyone off I’m just stating my own opinion from my own experiences. Idk if it is proven or not that physical health improves mental well being. We are all on a journey-let’s treat each other well. Even when we might be afraid to do so.

@TheSharmanova 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you, especially for the final few minutes of you speaking so sincerely.

@beckymartin1810 3 жыл бұрын

So helpful, God bless you!

@Jade-cj8iu Жыл бұрын

That made so much sense, thank you

@financialservices8623 3 жыл бұрын

You won't sell out anybody to buy your future ..that's integrity..and the way to fight cognitive dissonance I believe...good video.

@vickiharris-clarkson226 3 жыл бұрын

I have a huge gap. So I have cognitive dissonance regarding cleaning my house. I was always a good house keeper but since experiencing bad anxiety & resurgence of contamination OCD, I'm scared of cleaning cuz i feel.ill get dirty, my cleaning skills have slid. And i am using justification thinking other people's places are worse, saying at least I'm keeping up w the laundry; & in the meantime I'm getting more & more depressed cuz my house is getting dustier & messier. I think now after listening to this I have to work on bldg integrity so I can feel pride again on keeping a nice house. I can see how it would lift my depression & in turn lessen my anxiety. Ive been blaming it on COVID & not having people in my house so why do it for me. But why not do it for me. Thanks Emma. I'll try hard.

@robertkeable1627 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you.

@tiggywinkle5933 3 жыл бұрын

@Therapy in a Nutshell HACKER ALERT HACKER ALERT HACKER ALERT HACKER ALERT HACKER ALERT HACKER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@mike.legare99 3 жыл бұрын

New subscriber: In the midst of completing a Master's Degree in Psychology. This is one of the best channels on the Cognitive Behavioral Approach I have seen in a long time. Two thumbs way up. Looking forward to seeing more of your videos. Alberta, Canada.

@jimicunningable 2 жыл бұрын

I'm shopping for a program. Yet I feel ready to change majors too. When the world presents so much invalidating, unfair crap, peddling mental coping skills feels like an utterly useless fraud. Why are the solutions always Yin, conformist, receptive? Why are 21st century healers too cowardly to prescribe Yang, Improvement and real individuality???? OOOOOPS, almost lost my funding there, didn't I?????? lol, frauds, the F lot of us...

@jimicunningable 2 жыл бұрын

We both know the DSM-5 was written by salesmen. ...yet here we are, eh?...

@ca5417 5 ай бұрын

I'm glad you chose the topic of being overweight. It is the most common and most misunderstood topic. It can be the source of total destruction of a person. The systematic (if unwitting) disassembling of a person's value, character, personality, & self-worth. It demoralizes mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically. Every single molecule of a person can be damaged by this single idea. As a Christian, it's even worse. I know from experience.

@sami6086 5 ай бұрын

This video is so good. I listened to it last night, implemented the skills mentioned the next day and felt a sense of pride. Never felt that before. I’m going to make it a daily habit. And buy the course ❤

@carpenterfamily6198 3 жыл бұрын

0:38 There is no substitute for integrity when it comes to peace of mind.

@carpenterfamily6198 3 жыл бұрын

3:24 When we change our behaviors to line up with our values, the dissidence goes away.

@carpenterfamily6198 3 жыл бұрын

6:44 Never ignore that guilty feeling ~ take time for introspection.

@carpenterfamily6198 3 жыл бұрын

10:38 Signs or justification and rationalization. 12:25

@carpenterfamily6198 3 жыл бұрын

13:07 Best to resolve C.D. by clarifying it to your self. Take a good regularly.

@alondralima9442 3 жыл бұрын

I needed this 💗

@domeatown Жыл бұрын

My main cognitive dissonance was being raised in a very restricted religious environment that was fueled by narcissism to justify the need to conform. But I knew deep in my heart that my values were just more grounded, more relaxed. Now I will still catch myself knee jerking into performing as if I were a "better, more moral" person and then feeling shame. When even as Im doing it, I'm also taking steps to eliminate this insidious insistence on perfection and being outwardly humble.

@resistdisinformation9931 Жыл бұрын

After many years of therapy, you assisted me to better understand my own personal cognitive dissonance issues than any of my therapists did. Thank you for that! Regarding the possible genetic disposition toward having a larger and heavier body versus motivation to exercise or not, the former issue is mostly irrelevant because the primary concern ought to be one's healthfulness in spite of one's size. In other words, a person can be large and unhealthy or they can be large and healthier. Just be the best YOU are capable of being in every area of your life. Do it for YOU!