A good phrase the internet taught me is: "You don't have to light yourself on fire, just to keep others warm." Man, that helped me a lot.

"I'm sorry I have to cut you off. I'm not responsible for your happiness." "You're literally my therapist I pay you 250 an hour"

“you are NOT responsible for anyone’s happiness!!” this single line is actually helping me so much holy crap, thank you so much jaiden.

"do you feel like you're walking on eggshells around them?" has carried me so far in knowing what relationships are harmful to me

Jaiden: Not responsible for anyone's happiness. Person: But I'm a therapist.

“Don’t let them forcefully shove their junk on y-“ *_D E M O N E T I S E D_*

The thing is, this isn’t just with friendships or partners, it’s family also sometimes. I know a lot of people that never thought about it. Personally I experienced a horrible relationship with my father until I inevitably cut him out of my life, and just wanted to put this out there for everyone

Jaiden's channel gives me a breath of fresh air, a cousin I don't see often but always have a blast when they're around

Jaiden: "No one wakes up and is like 'haha im gonna be super manipulative today!'" Politicians: *Watch me*

“When you do the kisses with someone” Cutest phrase ever

This video has SINGLEHANDEDLY changed how I develop relationships with people. I genuinely didn't understand how to have healthy boundaries for years. "You are NOT personally responsible for anyone's happiness!" is SUCH. A. MANTRA.

Okay, so I think I'm finally ready to share this. I learned of this video roughly 2 years ago. At the time, I'd already been through a slew of slightly toxic friendships, so I resonated with this video. But, by that point I had a group of great friends who I really trusted. About a year ago, one of those "great friends" asked me out and I said yes. It wasn't exactly how I imagined my first relationship going, but I thought it was going swimmingly well. At least that's what he told me. Because any time I expressed doubts or anxieties about something, he told me that's just how it was supposed to be. And I'd been friends with him for like three years, so obviously he was "very trustworthy". After about three months, I was ready to not be getting him anymore and (after a semi-traumatic experience right after we broke up involving unwilling first kisses and a child-locked door) ready to not know him any more. Because of what he had told me, I felt like it was my fault. Like I had pushed him to whatever. But about a week after I got out I remembered (if a little too late) this video. The number of "toxic traits" listed here that he had were ASTOUNDING: - *_Emotional Blackmail:_* He knew this was my first relationship, and told me that dating someone "super-duper casually" had WAY more emotional responsibilities than most married-couple relationships have, and I basically became his unpaid therapist. He also totally trauma-dumped on basically the first date and kept using that to guilt me into stuff. "I know you'll be the one to not leave" and stuff like that. - *_Shifting Blame:_* He kept blaming me that in those three months we really only ever went on 2 dates. However, I only was the cause of this once, and that was because that weekend I had strep throat AND Hurricane Ian hit. All the other times the dates got postponed he was hanging out with friends or he had a stomach bug (which he also blamed me for... For some reason...). - *_Gaslighting:_* Was used to supplement the shifting blame. - *_Guilt-Tripping:_* Was used to supplement the emotional blackmail. - *_Support system:_* He very much tried (and somewhat succeeded) at cutting me off from my support systems. He kept accusing me of hanging out with my friends more than I hung out with him, even though I hardly went out, and he hung out with his friends all the freaking time. He also told me that in a relationship you don't just go to your parents for everything, that's when you start being able to handle things on your own. And, once all was said and done, he went to our manager and said he didn't feel safe because I told my best friend (who worked with us and is incredibly in tune with people's emotions) a watered-down version of what had happened, and got me in serious trouble and placed under what was basically a "keep-quiet" mandate. Meanwhile I was having mini panic attacks anytime he came too close. (And yes, I knew going into it that dating a coworker was like farting in an elevator, but I figured a one time exception with "one of the sweetest people I knew" would've been fine. Nope.) - *_Justifying/Explaining Actions:_* I'm not even gonna list how many times I did this, either to myself or to others. - *_Disliked by the Trustworthy:_* My best friend mentioned on several occasions that he got a bad vibe from this guy. I just figured he thought he was annoying. - *_Feel Like Leaving Is Dangerous:_* See emotional blackmail. - *_"Do you put off seeing or responding to them?":_* Yeah. Many times he'd text me asking me to play unpaid therapist for him again, and I'd just pretend like I didn't have my phone for a bit. - *_"Have they threatened you or themselves in any way?"_* Yup. There were a lot of veiled threats directed at both of us. He acted super religious and he basically implied that a girl who breaks off a relationship was a "harlot" and would never be forgiven, and he also implied that breaking things off might be dangerous for him. - *_"Do they make you feel like you can't do things on your own or you can't make a single decision without them?"_* Yup. See support system and shifting blame. Also, he kept talking about how I didn't know what was best, so I should give up on my dream and a day-job that I loved so that when he was a famous movie star I'd be able to pull him away from all of the ladies who'd be throwing themselves at him because he's "so hot and so famous". - *_"Do they ask for a lot of favors or money and don't pay them back?"_* I didn't experience this first-hand, but I remember him telling me about an argument he and his friend had about how they'd always go to movies, the friend would pay for the tickets, and he never paid her back. - *_"Do they talk badly behind your back?"_* His best friend (who was toxic in his own right) dated one of our other coworkers. We got to talking one day, and she said that her ex (the best friend) would talk crap about everyone in our workplace. I was apparently the only one he didn't have any comments on, until things ended, and she implied that very nasty things were said. I didn't know the friend that well, so I can only imagine where he heard those things from... - *_" Do you feel like you're walking on eggshells around them?"_* Absolutely. That was the three most emotionally draining months in my life. - *_"Do they put you down?"_* Yeah. Between how I "couldn't get the whole dating thing right," I "didn't spend enough time with him," etc. I pretty much felt like total crap by the end of everything. Plus... -When we were together he hit on the coworker who was dating his best friend while I was just a few cubicles away. -He kept going to events "as a friend" with this girl who I knew had a crush on him and would always come up with a lame excuse as to why I couldn't go. -Even though I told him before the first date that I was asexual and he said it was fine, he later told me he just said that in the hopes that he might get me to change my mind. -I brought cookies into work one day, he said that I'd "have a good place in the kitchen" and that was when he started showing interest in me. (Found this out after all was said and done.) -Oh yeah and I brought those cookies in when I was only 16 or 17. He was 5 years older than me, making him 21 or 22. That is illegal and (considering he's the outlier in guys I've liked) likely grooming. But thank you, Jaiden, for helping me realize that it wasn't me. I really need that. (He leaves tomorrow, and hopefully I will no longer be [as] cursed.)

Jaiden:”You dont have to solve other people’s problems” Me: *Looks at math* “Well, if you say so…”

Jaiden: We have to interact with people Pandemic: Allow me to introduce myself

I just got out of a toxic relationship 2 weeks ago and I've started to think it would've been better if I stayed or dealt with it. I came back to Jaiden's channel and saw this and this video really helped me a lot to see the red flags and the reasons why I left. I just wanted to say thank you for making this, because realizing manipulation or leaving unhealthy relationships is something really important to keep in mind. Thank you :)

As someone who is battling depression and anxiety, I wonder how I come off to others. I just got back in touch with some old high school friends, they don't know what I'm going through because I haven't told them, but I catch myself oversharing certain things and being overally emotional. Honestly, reconnecting with them has helped me take my first steps to take charge of my life by going back to school, but I have to learn not to text them so much when I'm feeling down. I feel like it's kind of selfish, but I just get so damn lonely sometimes. I just hope I'm not being an emotional vampire.

I saw something once that said: “When you’re wearing rose-colored glasses, the red flags just look like normal flags.”

My therapist: exists Jaiden: I'm about to end this whole man's career.

rewatching this after having gotten out of a toxic relationship is so eye-opening. I was being manipulated and bullied for so long, and I didnt even realize it I would blame myself constantly, because I always felt like it was my fault. but, finally ending things off was the best decision, it did sting, but I wasnt myself anymore and I had lost so many friends in the process. being in a toxic relationship is extremely difficult, especially when you feel like there's no one to turn to and you feel trapped. but, just remember youre your own person, no one should ever control your life and the things that you do

“You’re NOT responsible for other people happiness!” You do not know how much this helped me Jaiden with a certain relationship so thank you so much!

Jaiden: Someone shouldn't ever need you. They should want you. Romantic Movies: Wha'd you say?

"Drugs are bad...are my other friends going to do it???" Friends: slams heads into coke

Two years ago I watched this video and it made me realise i was a part of a REALLY toxic friendship. It was one of those “but she’s really depressed and su1c1d@l i don’t want anything to happen to her!” Friendships where I end up being forced to carry the burdens of my friend to the point that they aren’t getting any better, but I’m getting worse. It pulled me into a really dark place but this video smacked some sense into me and I ended the friendship. Now I can say I’m really truly happy.

i came back to this video after i got broken up with and i realized that both of us were being terrible to each other . its really hard to see bad behavior in yourself but coming back and seeing it explained from an outside perspective is really enlightening . i always forget how helpful this video is until i come back to it

"NOT responsible for anyone's happiness!" "But.. I'm Santa Claus..?" "..." "Alright, grey area."

Jaiden really out here advocating for everyone to be their own Lorax

I remember when this first came out. Its crazy all these years later this advice still stands true, absolutely timeless perspective and counsel.

This is such a heartfelt and deep video. It feels like psych2go

"Responsibilities aren't just assigned to you." Schools: I'm gonna pretend I didn't see that.

”When you look at somebody through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just looks like flags” - Wanda Pierce

This is very true, But when I first watch this video I highly questioned “am I toxic?” Every single one of us did something toxic, ik I did, but the moment we admit it and the more we grow and STOP that’s how you know it’s getting better, but if you don’t change then yes that’s a big issue on ur part, We should also remind ourselves some toxic traits come from trauma, now don’t use that as an excuse, but I know trauma made me have abandonment issues where I would try to be very close to certain friends and the moment they went off without me I would break down, emotions like that isn’t saying your manipulative or toxic, it’s how u deal with it, and if you dealt poorly it’s never to late to change

I have sent this video to two of my friends when they were in toxic relationships, and used the eight points you listed out around eight minutes and thirty seconds in to help them figure things out. Thank you SO much.

Jaiden: talks about relationships James: talks about his dead moth

“I’m pathetic just leave me” “Ok” *leaves* “Uhm”

I just broke off a 10 year friendship because me and the friend had grown apart and they lashed out at me and started blaming me for situations I can’t control. Breaking my friendship off with them will most likely cause most of my friendships to disappear which I’m terrified of, but this video made me feel more confident about my choice. It reminded me why I broke it off

Every once in a while I'll come back to this video, I've had a couple toxic relationships, one was more recent and we were friends for a long time with no problems and randomly they became sour. I doubt myself a lot on if I am actually " in the right" but this video always helps me realize and remember that I did all I could before it went bad and that I didn't do anything to cause it to happen. Thank you ❤️

-You deserve clean air. *China* : stop right there

“you are NOT responsible for anybody’s happiness” Me: But they’re my children

Everyone’s talking about the other people’s happiness line but I absolutely adore and cannot stop thinking about the Santa Claus grey area line

i’ve always had a strong relationship with this video. about 5 years ago I had a bunch of friends that really sucked and I just keep rewatching this to feel better about not talking to them anymore. Now, someone who I was very good friends with has stopped talking to me due to my mental health not being great and her trying to get better. And now I’m back watching this. It’s yet again comforting. It’s so good hearing somebody say “You are not responsible for anyone’s personal happiness” Even though it sucks for me i’m so glad that my former friend is actively trying to get better, even if that means i’m not a part of it. This is always something I watch in times where one way or another I need to grow or change as a person.

Anyone else super afraid that they're being manipulative towards others without noticing?

“Don’t tolerate any pollution, you are the one who has to live in it, and you deserve clean air.” -Jaiden Animations What a great quote honestly. (Fixed my comment)

when this video first got uploaded it helped me so much with a toxic friend , i literally sent it to them in our groupchat and everyone agreed cause we've been thinking it. I always end up coming back to this video every so often, it really helps me ground myself and remind me about really important relationship things

I like the pile example because it symbolizes that it's perfectly fine to help them out a bit with what you can without neglecting your own mental health but it's important to set boundaries about how much you can handle helping with

"No one wakes up and is like "haha, I'm gonna be super manipulative today!" " You're right. You can all trust me.

“Dont let people force their junk on you” -jaiden, preventing sexual assaults 10 minutes at a time.

Thank you, jaiden. I've been going through some tough friendship changes. 0:46 -1:21 hit home for me rewatching this video. This has helped me understand my situation more clearly & about myself as well :)

I remember watching this years ago when it first dropped, it was great back then, but I didn't realise how much I needed this now... Just had to go NC with someone and this helped bring context to things and validated my actions... Thank you Jaiden

“Yeet toxic people out, yoink good people in” -Mahatma Gandhi

"Are my other friends gonna do it?" *smacks face into the pile of coke*

“And some people have knives and no emotional reaction to murder” that is shockingly accurate

rewatching this video after leaving toxic friends really hits different. made me learn that it’s really not easy to spot manipulation. stay safe out there.

*”It’s not selfish to want the best for yourself”* I really really need to learn that. Tysm Jaiden (and Katie!)

Jaiden: No one wakes up and says "Ha, ha I'm going to be really manipulative today." Greg Heffley: Hold my soda.

I come back to watch this video every now and then because I’m not good at relationships. I have a friend I haven’t known for long and I’ve been open about the fact that I am insecure about relationships

ironically I watched this video when I was in a toxic 5 year relationship, and i remember thinking nothing was wrong at the time and applied the video to other people in my life in my head. But revisiting the video really makes the parts of us that didn't work out become glaringly obvious, goes to show that hindsight is 20/20. I know the things i messed up in the relationship, and am more aware of the things my partner did behind my back now that we are done. i love your videos jaiden, keep it up!

"You're not responsible for someone else's happiness." This is a truth that's really hard to learn but very important to accept.

Moral of the story: *don’t be friends with anyone unless they are fertilizer*

I saved this video and reflect back onto it when ever things feel fishy for me or a friend who is telling me about a crappy person. I normally watch through and if a friend needs it send it to them. It’s always nice to have a refresher

"Are my other friends gonna do it?" BAM

Jaiden: THAT"S TOXIC AS SHIIIIIIII KZfaq: RED FLAG

Me: but...I have kids? Jaiden: NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYONES HAPPINESS !!!!!

Some parts of this episode remind of this movie, "Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind". It's a good movie and it pretty much says some hard truth about the relationships

The thing I'm calling ''The Island Mindset'' has helped me! Basically, I ask my self ''Is this person helping my island/ecosystem?'' and if they aren't... 6:40

"Don't let them forcefully shove their junk on you" -Jaiden 2019

"don't let them forcefully shove their junk on you" -jaiden 2019

You know, i watch this video at least twice a year. This is by far one of the best video on youtube you could watch to slowly heal and get back self-confidence. This video is extraordinary pure and full of kindness as much as good for putting limits where they need to. Jaiden, you can't imagine how much this video has helped me so I want to say: Thank you

Watching this video makes so much more sense now

*_YOU DON’T HAVE ENOUGH EXPERIENCE FOR THIS SKILL_* omg I love you Jaiden.. 😂😭

I love how Toga wakes up and is like: haha, I'm gonna be super manipulative today

The way I'm dealing with my friendship is just minimal contact because communication is something I tried and it failed miserably.

" and my *CUTE LITTLE DOLPHINS* are dying " dolphins :

As Garnet once said: *“Your soulmate Is your complement not your missing piece”*

Jaiden: "NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYONES HAPPINESS" Me: "W-what if I'm a therapist"

that checklist near the end has been helping me started the process of splitting with some bad friends. thank you so much

thank you for this, it's so hard to manage yourself around relationships. this video really helped me a lot in realizing and taking action even though it hurts but I guess things just need to change

“*Don’t let them forcefully shove their junk on you*” You’re right! **Tell them to start recycling!!**

"Someone shouldn't need you, they should want you." Yea, I found that out the hard way. That's why I love my friend group now.

I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO THIS 3 YEARS AGO I JUST CUT THEM OFF AND THIS IS SO TRUE

This video helped me so much on relationships. I watched it ages ago and liked it despite being young and not understanding it a lot, I really liked it and watched it every year since. it's really helped me and given me a good understanding on relationships, whether it be friends or partners

When someone says “did I ask” every time you say anything. RED FLAG

When you hear someone knocking your door and it says "You forgot your French lessons" *_RED FLAG_*

It's strange how 5 years later this video still helps me 😅

remember watching this and having this make me EXTREMELY worried my bf was a toxic person to me and i was trying really hard to reason out that he wasnt we're not together anymore thankfully is all i will say

Jaiden: "no one wakes up and thinks 'ha ha in going to be super manipulative today'" Also Jaiden: *shows Toga* 7:20

"When you look at someone through rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags"

4 years later and I found this video. An old friend and me were friends since Reception. Lately he has become a bit more manipulative and wierd and I don't know why but then this video popped up on my For You. I watched it to see what it was about and it helped really well. I supported him on what he needed to improve on and helped him go see therapy. Even though we aren't in touch anymore I'm glad I helped him through this video. Thank you Jaiden

this video is so important to me, it's helped me so much and really changed the way i view things. no joke i send this video to my teachers if they ever even MENTION something along these lines (and they always love it)

"That's toxic as *SHIIII* " -Axolotl Jaiden

Jaiden: *Swears in a video* KZfaq: RED FLAG

I'm really glad I stumbled along to watch this video. Thank you. I've been struggling with a situation and at least for a little bit it brought some calm to that storm :)

I've used this video to help other friends for many years, and now this year I'm using it to help myself. I even have the hard pill section clipped for repeated mantras and for slapping at friends who are struggling with this kind of thing. Codependency can sneak up on you no matter how healthy or well meaning you are. Thanks for this wonderful bite-sized video of self affirmation. It'll be a while before I feel better, but I can rest easy knowing that eventually I will. ♥

When someone drinks straight out of the milk carton RED FLAG

Jaiden: Practice positive self-talk *I aM a GoD-* Jaiden: alright not that positive

Thank you for this video! It helped me to notice that I need some distance in one relationship (non romantic, more familial). Just because they want me, I don't need to be close to them.

I have a friend from 5th grade and been really close to each other (this is what I think) and we still talk everyday (at school) and I realised he does some favors for me, very small ones: Giving me a pen refill, giving me a Little water, or just help me with 50 cents. I realised that I don't really help him a lot of times and once in a while I'm buying him some "treats" not like a dog, but I want to give him something and now I went to grocery store and bought him a more expensive juice and I'm going to give him that tomorrow. P.S: I know that the video was made 5 years ago and some people might not see this, but I'd like to talk about my opinion.

girl: "haha, I'm gonna be super manipulative today." me: "IS THAT TOGA-"

When someone's gonna swear in your Christian Minecraft server *_RED FLAG_*

Don’t measure a relationship on happiness. Happiness is a state of mind. For instance you could be happy you got your dream job, a good job that pays your bills and affords you a reasonably comfortable life. That doesn’t mean you’re going to be happy everyday of your life. So many factors go into your happiness. For instance you can base your happiness on what you don’t have and what other do have on social media… (etc) everyone talks about red flags, that’s a negative outlook and can manipulate you from seeing and noticing the good flags. A “green flag” would be, for instance, someone who has a reasonable base of happiness, and emotional stability. Great video, got me thinking…

This honestly just helped me so much, I recently left one of my best friends cause they were super toxic and did a lot of this and it was so hard because I keep thinking that I should just go back or talk to her cause she is going through kinda a hard time. But this just helped and now whenever I want yo I just think “ your not responsible for anyone’s happiness but yourselves” 😌