i was married but got separated for 3years in my relationship, But After a spell consultation with Dr Wiseone? My relationship was restored...

lets have it.

Maybe for those that are married too

And those married

This is why they are opting not to get married, things are heavy and peolle are not willing to heal themselves

EXACTLY

Yeah, so they don't get married! If they've any sense at all, who wants to live their life shackled to someone?

Ajessm Aj_and very rare.

The thing I don't get is that as men get older their general worth and appeal tend to go up, while women tend not to. Yet today almost every woman pushing 50 or more is well past her prime, too often hate-filled, often grossly fat and out of shape, and yet still think they are hot shit every guy a half or less their age wants a piece of when the guys have made it bluntly clear they want nothing to do with them fo those reasons.

@@thecustodian1023 you have to get out of this mindset. get a girl who pushes you just as much as you push her. become better together. there are tons of high-achieving women today along with high-achieving men. there are also many age 50+ men past their primes, hate-filled, fat, and out of shape, as you describe. So don't worry about the people not worth your time and focus on finding someone who motivates and pushes you to become better while you do the same to her. build an amazing life out together. make sure each of you never fall out of shape, never lose ambition, and stay strong through the ups and downs.

@@Primoh What mindset? I was just pointing out why so many women cant get good men and nothing more. Sure, there are lots of good women out there and men too. the problem is they are either already taken or they have taken themselves off the market due to the problems that come with my first post.

Your spot on.. I may add that people take the word commitment to lightly.

You're right.

I'm sorry to hear that... I hope you're in a much better shape now!

Your ex should have heard this talk...I'm so sorry for what you've been through. Heartbreaking. What happened says a lot about your ex...

Then she never loved you

@@frankdavf4599 I agree

So very sorry. I was in a similar situation many years ago with a major loss piled upon previous ones.I do hope you found light in your life again and were able to build strength from within.

So awful. Very sorry about your husband and all you're going through now.

@@sharongavin243 Thank you , it’s been hard, but God is good .

This is an inspiring story of marriage. It helped to hear that those marriages exist. The hardest to work through is betrayal and baggage of trauma and abuse that is brought to the relationship but isn’t the new spouses fault. It’s so hard. I am very sorry that your husband has passed away. I can imagine the heartache and loneliness it is causing you. I hope you have a great familial support system at your side. ❤️🙏🏼

@@nash5844 Thank you , I have one daughter who is local . She helps me as much as she can. She has her own situations going on right now. I’m trying to support her in that. I do have a loving and supportive church family , they have been wonderful . God is good .. he always has been and I know He will be faithful and continue to walk with me . Our marriage was hard at times , but we determined to live each other even if we didn’t like each other at the time. God worked in us and healed those times . Just so sad to have lost my love , the husband of my youth ... and all the years after that 🙂

I'm sorry

Bee ,excellent !!!⚘ blessings

@@fresiamaldonado3609 Fresia, Some men don’t understand what “to honor” means-it is in the traditional marriage vows. Maybe vows need to be tweaked a tad bit so they are very specific about No Violence/physical abuse being allowed. Blessings in return 👋

Emotional abuse eventually affects physical health.

@@jinamerica mind ,body and soul. How i wish all people enter relationships with happiness as their goal.

Most people marry for the wrong reason, & that is why the world is flooded with dysfunctional families all over the globe. True love, never ends.

You don't have to wonder. Your past doesn't define your future and if you have the will you can make the changes you need. Check into a detox clinic and get started on being the man your parents weren't.

Past is done brother, don't worry everything is gonna be alright, Actually I also had parents who had divorce when I was 15 years old but I was in hostel at that time I my sister and brother we suffered the trauma and abuse in our family I have been there and experienced that situation and I know how it feels and just wished if things were different. But unfortunately when we went to Christmas holidays and other vacation to our parents from our hostel school we saw how our parents they fought and abused each other and due to which my father became heavy drunker and because of which we became so insecure and now I'm 32 and not yet married but I have learnt many good things in life I have never touched alcohol because it destroyed our family and I have a more compassion towards others I know how it feels and now this year I will get married but I will make sure my children won't go through what I and my siblings went through since childhood.

Im the opposite. I am glad my parents divorced.

Well, you know that probably you should have made sure you were an adult before having the kids?

​@andrewlilley3660 That is one of the cruelest comments to someone you don't know I have ever read! Proud of yourself??

Well done for getting out. All the best. x

I stayed 5 years too long for those same reasons. I married for life. It took an intervention with my family telling me I’m in an abusive relationship before I even entertained the thought of leaving. I don’t feel guilty for not staying anymore. I feel bad for making the wrong choice in who I married. That’s all. Sad for my kids who don’t get a good father and that they don’t have a two parent household. But we are actually better for getting out. I still think taking marriage vows seriously is right, and so is making sure you marry the right person…& if abuse is a part of it, it’s ok to leave because those vows were broken by the abuse.

Angel - I am glad you did. When even his own mother told me that she would support my decision if I were to leave her son, alarm bells went off, but I still worked towards healing what I thought was broken… not even knowing what. The abuse indeed cancelled wedding vows, and it’ll be dangerously irresponsible for me to role-model victimhood to my kids and enabling them to became Narcs and co-dependents, which I am already seeing traits of…

@@evaberriman9929 I’m glad you did too Eva. :) . We learn so much in this life. Sometimes we learn things that end up harmful and have to relearn or unlearn to get to better. He has a good point but that doesn’t mean you stay in those harmful situations.

Warning you about what? What was the relationship between those warnings and your 2 incurable conditions? What are you actually even talking about? The only thing I can gather from your narrative is that your ex was a selfish person, and even that is a leap.

Do you think it's more likely you married an actual psychopath or that people will convince themselves of almost anything to justify not doing the hard thing that's admitting your flaws and working thriugh them with your partner

well you can also ask yourself how did you marry toxic/narcissistic/psychopathic person and decided to have kids with him/her???

@@Belarus2012 That's certainly the right thing to ask. Not talking about myself though, got no point in case ;)

@@amirkoren4407 I believe that this is the case often. These days you hear it all of the time: "my partner was a narcissist" It's used like "Idiot", everyone's one except the person talking of course 😉

@@Belarus2012 Because they changed or hid it

@@askittenlove13 Not really, because she can always just whisper the word abuse to the police and they'll bury the guy so far under the jail people will wonder if he ever existed at all. Women always have the option to leave (with cash and prizes), but once they say "I do" a man is stuck unless he wants to get raked over the coals in divorce court. Unfortunately there's no law against getting fat and lazy once you're married (I'm also against men who do this, but they usually don't because they know the woman can walk off with half his stuff and find some other guy while he's stuck paying her alimony).

Elmateo77_true. I have experienced this and witnessed with mates how the woman changes after marriage. Becomes more bratty, demanding, always moody, pulls the pin on the fat grenade. Even more so once there are kids involved. So pleased I did not have kids. I was able to walk away and have my own life.

I AGREE 100%!!! Goldie Hawn says the reason she and Kurt Russell have lasted so long is because they are NOT married. She said it makes them fight harder for the relationship and not take each other for granted because either one of them could easily walk away at any point.

Those are blatant stereotypes. Encouragement, love, openness to listen, to grow, and to change works to preserve relationships. Bad behavior such as threatening to leave when there are difficulties does not foster a healthy relationship.

@@janetfox-petersen2790 I'm not saying to threaten to leave whenever they do something you don't like, that's childish and petty. But the other person needs to know you at least have the option, if they know you're trapped and can't leave no matter what they do then they won't respect you because they basically own you. Stereotypes usually exist for a reason. They're truths that we don't like, but that doesn't make them less true and you ignore them at your peril (or men do anyways, women know that they can leave at any time and divorce courts will side with them in the overwhelming majority of cases).

I am sorry to hear that Peter, I hope you can find peace and healing.

His is just one clip from one lecture. He talks about good reasons for divorce. When he speaks generally he's speaking generally. Normal people in our culture tend to believe they're the exception when they're not--thats who he's speaking to. It was gracious of you to give her a second chance, but he likely would have counseled you to leave before she'd done it the fourth time. I AM sorry for you severe pain. I hope you've pursued counseling in some form

JP isn’t being judgmental. What happened to you happened to me also. It takes TWO, and you know as well as I do that if one side won’t, there’s nothing you can say or do to make them. It’s not fair, yes. It sucks, totally. We have to strive to keep our heads screwed on straight for our kid’s sake. Be careful what we allow our minds to focus on. Decide what meaning we want for it in our life, and spend our time with things we can control and not the opposite. Good luck my friend.

Same here, not all marriages should be saved if you are in a toxic relationship. I'm so sad you had to endure this for 20 years. I'm divorced after 10 years to a covert Narcissist. It almost cost me my mental health. I was accomplished and well liked outside the home but could do nothing right at home. You go from being their everything to being their mental punching bag with no closure or explanation. Once you're out be your best version of yourself, it comes easily, they will try and bring you down but go grey rock and show them no emotion.

How women fare? I can already tell that you haven’t taken the time to see how the opposition is doing.. Tf? Women have it WAY easier after divorce!!

Thank you! Cheers!

No need to give you advice.your are being a good and faithful wife.God is please with you.He knows and understand your pain.He has been with you all this time.Give Him your sorrow and offer for your husband conversion.He knows what is in your heart already.You just need to ask and believe it. patience will be your virtue.you are in my prayers.

Sorry that you are feeling so alone. You are courageous, patient and protective, and your son is blessed to have a mamma like you looking out for him. Are you able to see a professional in your area to help you work through these issues? Not sure where you're located, but where I'm from in Australia, my GP was able to refer me to see a psychologist. A number of sessions per year were covered by Medicare. So grateful for the clarity and confidence I gained during the couple of years I saw him, it really changed my life.

So true ...lol

I couldn't agree more! You are exactly, my thoughts :)

18 years here, she had an emotional affair and when I confront, she wants to leave. Unfortunately I am a successful business man, she makes peanuts. I can’t afford my house that is currently paid and I have to give her a small fortune so she can enjoy her new house and start a relationship with this horrible dude who took advantage of her when she was not well.

Right?

Isn't that part of why a marrige contract is so resonable?

Bc it sais we stay thogether, but under x,y,z rules and if we can't or one person breaks it then a,b,c. So both you can break up, bc you set all the necessery things to order and you also know the price.

😂 lol

@@LightningThunder-ip9ol he is not leaving because she is his future wife 😂

I agree you exhaust all measures to prevent a separation, and have no choice in the end.

The worse only comes out when the ring is on the finger

Well, I had the worse for 26 years, when is it enough?

Yep, that was my life for 18 years with four kids… until I seriously started working on trying to leave him last January… then he takes it seriously because now he realizes oh I don’t care about the religious rules we put around ourselves that don’t make sense. There is no way that God wants us to stay with somebody who breaks covenant over and over and over again and selfishly desires themselves, and that causes extra work for the other person, neglect and criticism … Finally had it … I almost walked out again a month ago because he still refuses to listen when he hurts me and defends himself actually fix the problem. I have over a decade of unresolved emotional and mental issues with him, and I finally let him have it … I felt bad about it afterwards, but I realized I have to stop trying to bond with somebody who doesn’t want to do that. Now he is trying to be nice, but the only change that happened when I finally came to my wits end. We should not be changing just because the other person is either gonna leave us or go crazy if we don’t … if we are hurting somebody, we should be willing to listen and work through the issue together so we can be stronger… There are more vows made on the wedding day then just sexual Fidelity…. Rita, stop saying that is the only reason to leave. Bible says the man can only divorce his wife over infidelity … it does not specify what the woman can and cannot do…. There is more about that in the Old Testament. I think because women tend to put up with a lot more are generally emotionally weaker but most of the relationship if the man is not acting right towards her… I’m not sure, but it needs to be looked into instead of just ignored as if we have all the answers . People should not have to put up with the most emotional and verbal abuse and neglect, and the majority of the chores where they’re strung out emotionally, tired, and exhausted with no one giving or caring for them.

Absolutely

Or just think about it, talk about it with your partner and make sure both of you understand what kind of decision you are up to. Other people can be hell on earth, but also heaven. You can use a knife to kill someone, or to butter a bread. It's a choice.

@@hanswoast7 Other people are both heaven and hell on earth. Another human being is never a totality of one and a complete absence of the other. Get the proportion wrong, or don't know what it is until it is too late, you're heading for divorce territory, or put simply, you're screwed.

Sorry to hear that... Do you think you could've make it work?

@@PursuitofMeaning I just saw this message. After about 2 months of separation, they found someone and said they felt more connected with this other person than they ever felt with me. 15 yrs, that stung, but I only hope they will be happy for many years to come with this other. So, do I think it could have worked? I guess not.. heh. But, such is life. Live and learn, ya know?

So then you shouldn’t regret it because the moved on from you so fast which is very telling

There are some men traits women dislike.Most men seem to have hidden stuff that a woman fails to understand and due to the uncertainty they opt for their freedom.

Most non college women are not employed, hence they arebstay at hime wives. If that is the case, divorce is more difficult because they are financially dependent on their spousen

@@maylynbayani you don't need college to be employed

@@jaydeecee1643 depends on where you live

@@justinamusyoka4986 what are some of these hidden traits so I could look into it some?

I thought about that too...

Yuck. I hope you left you need to protect yourself!

Partners divorce because they are no longer willing to invest in the relationship, the marriage was never about kids. And a kid would be less traumatized if his or her parents divorce, rather than the parents staying together and fighting incessantly. That's more traumatic.