I have a personal rule that I will NOT meet someone from a dating app or FB without a phone call. I need to assess their ability to communicate, have conversation, emotional chemistry, their ability to use the phone (& not just text exclusively). There is NO reason for me to take my time getting ready for a date & meeting for a drink or dinner, if I cannot have a good conversation on the phone. It has worked well for me . 💜

I find that the answer to *Am I being too intense?* Is always the same. You can only be too intense for someone who's not your kind of person. So be it. Works with romantic relationships and friendships in general. Now the question is *Who am I? Am I showing up as the authentic myself?* I've found that figuring that out solves a lot of problems.

Me and my fiancée met on an app. We decided to meet up after a day of chatting for a drink ( which I loved because I don’t like the messaging for ages scenarios). So before our date I playfully asked to hear his voice, and we started sending voice notes. Then I asked to see a video of him ( for safety) he sent one and then so did I. Then the rest is history. If he’s the right man for you it would be incredibly hard to put him off with a phone call. He should be excited at the prospect because he’s getting to know you better in my opinion.

We also have to consider that phone calls for people who are introverted are a nightmare! Especially when we barely know someone and that leads to a lot of awkward silent moments. In person we can at least read facial expressions and body language, which helps getting to know someone much better, and much faster.

I rarely have a man protest to a phone call. I tell them just 10 minutes but it usually lasts at least an hour and they seem happy. The only guy that thought a phone call was a weird idea was the same guy who refused to offer a date with more than 24 hours notice. So that’s saying something. My vote is to keep asking for phone calls.

This is subjective on a person by person basis for sure, but I love the concept of a "5 minute phone date" before meeting up. As mentioned in the video it's good to build up to it, and it's a great way to see if you "vibe" or not. If they don't want to take the call or ghost you for asking, they aren't for you and that's okay. My experience has been women willing to take my call are more interested in me, less flakey and seem more sincere about what they're looking for.

Voice notes are definitely something we should do more of. Hearing their tone and voice already builds connection way better than texting 🔥 Always an inspo for the channel Matthew

I agree with Matt. I have caught men in relationships in a lie by requesting a phone call, or a meet up for coffee after work. Some of these men just want the added assurance that they are still attractive to the opposite sex, while being in a committed relationship already. They will text, and exchange photos forever if you don't surprise and or challenge them with a phone call or a coffee date.

I much prefer a voice call over text. During a voice call I can immediately tell if we’re going to be compatible or not. I also prefer men who are bold and will want to talk on the phone vs. texting endlessly in which the latter I lose interest

Man Audrey is so right Get a woman’s advise in it She tells it as it is

Here’s an alternative to the “red flag alert if they say no to a phone call”.. some of us have severe phone anxiety. Video notes I can do, voice memos ok, video messaging apps awesome, but I personally get so anxious talking with a stranger when I can’t see their face and gauge their mannerisms, expressions, etc. I don’t even like talking to my family on the phone, much less someone I barely know. Just something to consider before nopeing to someone who is phone call avoidant.

I think a lot can get misconstrued when just texting someone. I think chatting with someone and carrying on an actual conversation is essential. Of course, I’m old fashioned and love the idea of writing letters as well.

When I used to do dating apps, my protocol was to give a guy two weeks to ask me out, over the phone, for coffee. Only exception was if I was out of town. This really eliminated the married men. And the ones that just wanted to be entertained via text. Met some nice guys but we were not a romantic match. Finally gave up dating apps since it was lots of 'hi's' with very little dedicated action.

It’s harder to speak on the phone with someone you have never met compared to speaking in person because you can’t read from their body language or expressions over the phone

I would never get dressed, drive somewhere spend my time to go meet with a Stranger, that I have not spoke to on the phone. This is what discourages people in Dating. Getting dressed up wasting time and energy and then having a lack luster interaction. You can discover that on the phone before you leave your house. People need to preserve their energy, you only have so much to give. Lastly, hardly anybody looks like their pictures, so if you’re going to sit across from someone that you’re not attracted to, they better be able to carry a charismatic conversation.

Haha, Matthew says a coffee date is a low investment. Yup, ten minutes prep for a guy, 3 hours for a woman.

I am shocked, never in my lìfe I went on a date without the guy calling me first. And it saved me a lot of time and dissapointment. There is só much information in a voice, and in the way someone speaks... 🙊

imo, ppl just need to get out of their own heads. it's just a date.if you like each other ,then great.if not ,then go your seperate ways . but don't linger. but don't linger and don't string it out. if you don't feel it ,just say so.

I met my ex on a whim. I went against all the rules I had for meeting someone through an app. We texted twice and met and were together for 5 years. I don’t think the rules always work in your favor and can block potential relationships. As much as we want to screen our best mate, there’s so much being overlooked. The pre screening process is becoming a little too nit picky the more everyone focuses internet perceptions of other people. I think that can be a trap for inauthenticity and building a false narrative of someone you haven’t met in person yet.

I love voice notes, big fan😁. Most men like it, I have found. I agree with Audrey on the progression, I like texting first, then go to phone numbers exchange within the first week. Depending on the phone or video call, then we move to planning a date. At least for me, I can get a lot of info from a voice conversation. I would not go on a date without talking first. I can even tell the age of the person, lol. A lot of men change their age, which is not great, and surprisingly they won't tell you unless you ask. Open and honest communication, and true intimacy, is crucial to me and for any healthy relationship, so if they do not like phone calls and having real conversations, I know it will not work for me. Thank you for another very valuable video, and advice 💕💕💕

I refuse to go out with anyone i met on an app who wont speak w me on the phone. I dont care the progression so much, but weeding catfishes, frauds, i need to know that you’re a real person. It’s a safety and gut check for me. If we can’t talk then we most certainly cant date

I definitely prefer voice notes and phone calls to texting - I HATE texting as it's not personal and the texts I send end up being about 6 paragraphs long because I want to communicate I've listened to whatever the other person has said! However, it then gets hard to transition from voice notes to phone calls and meeting up... I ended up in a situation where I've unfortunately allowed myself to be a long distance voice note pen pal/phone call pal... Finally found the courage to say I wasn't prepared to spend any more of my time (after months!) listening to and recording voice notes to just be the comforting voice at the end of a device for someone... Great content as always JAMS! 😀

Sad that we have to even have this conversation. If someone cannot pick up the phone and call at some point before meeting, likely it’s a sign that they don’t want a mature relationship. If you’re talking about casual relationships than perhaps having this extended dialogue about a phone call is appropriate.

Progression, that's on point. Phone calls really freaks out an introvert and would be welcoming for an extrovert. Asking permission to make a call is needed nowadays, coz' phones are literally next to our face. I remember, I freaked out seeing Matthew in real life and got a lot to say or express but realized we never talked so I ran away.lol

I recently met a very nice, attractive lady and we had an instant connection. I don’t usually connect with someone like that so I was pretty excited. She wanted to have a phone conversation and I was ok with that. The phone call lasted way too long and she got way too comfortable. I caught about 50 red flags in this conversation. Needless to say I will never speak to her again so this can be a godsend or mistake depending on who you’re talking to.

I get anxiety on the phone honestly. But a guy actually recently asked me to do this, and I did it. It was so pleasantly surprising and helped me a lot! I get anxiety with ANY phone calls though. Not just potential dates. I will add in, if any of the prospects are single parents, consider the different possibilities. After kids bedtime phone calls where parent can step outside is going to be best likely. For me, it is best at least.

This is crazy when I was young there was no app no text a man had to have the balls to walk up get my number and call !! This is weak. I'll stay single because this is way too complicated! Something so so simple now people are just socially weak!

Totally disagree with the advice on this one. Just meet them in a public place already

I've had phone calls with men for 4 hrs, 7 hrs from the dating apps! If a guy doesn't want to have a phone call with you, it's a huge red flag. Also emotionally available men who are looking for their forever person is turned ON by your willingness to move onto something more intimate than just texting. You can easily tell through a phone call if you'll click & have chemistry in person!

Haha, damn Matt, I’ve literally just lined up 2 video calls with people prior to meeting up. Thankfully, they both seemed happy to do that. Hopefully we can still build momentum from there!

Oh my gosh I’m so glad you are talking about the nuances of the dating apps! Great suggestions.

I absolutely love this advice.. And I absolutely adore that Audrey is a part of this!

Totally agree with Audrey’s point of there needing to be a progression. I also think voice notes do the job. I’ve had guys send me videos of them talking which feels weird haha

I'm a fan of the phonecall. I get a better feel for a person if I can hear their voice rather than trying to get to know them by texts. I met my boyfriend on bumble and discovered that we both commuted to and from work at the same time. I suggested we have a phone chat on one of our commutes. He was keen.. like me, he was also bored of the mundane texting back and forth to try and get to know someone. We had such great conversation and still do today almost a year and a half later. He has said several times that he is so glad I suggested a phone call early on.

I feel like everyone has the fear that they will get cat fished or have the other think they cat fished them. However, most people look better in person than in their photos so you’d rather meet in person after you’ve have time to get dolled up and look your best rather than a video chat in your sweat pants.

Videocalls are a must. With dating apps catfishing is a real thing. There are so many stories of people that met with a very diferent person than the one in the photo that i think is logical to ask for a videocall or Even have a little datecall. Of course progresion is important

I have a process for every guy I try and leave voice memo as soon as possible and if they ask for a date FaceTime first. I find the guys who are up for a video date quickly are usually a better fit for me and the ones I enjoy a chat with are going to move to an actual date. FaceTime eliminates guessing whether I am attracted

i agree with thinking that the phone call is too intense, however, i still think it is weird that we think that, when in reality meeting up physically is more personal and needs more time investment 😂

I was talking to this girl for like a day or two over text on a dating app. Then she started calling me. I had one or two hour long conversations on the phone and then decided I didn't want to talk to her anymore. I just felt like that was weird I felt like we should at least see each other in real life before we start to get serious. Phone calls are serious stuff because you have a time commitment and politeness commitment.

Great video. There are many men on dating apps who are married. I just caught one - you need to be careful and do research on people before going out with them.

I really agree on Mats last sentences a lot regarding committed guys cheating and their phones ringing and their gf hearing them actually talk on their phone! Or hiding away to answer the call.

I think it depends on the person. Personally, I have friends who voice note all the time in our conversations and I hateeeee it.

Matt gave good advice on this. To speak to them 1st via ph is cool. The Indiv’s that responded that they didn’t want to interact that way initially - is telling me they were seeking something else. When people show u who they are - LISTEN. Don’t change your principals because of others attitude. Everybody has their own agenda.

Omg it's so sad we have to approach relationships sooo carefully. Seems people have lost trust x

Here is a crazy idea Matthew! I wish there was a dating app provided by you and perhaps a bunch of other love gurus, to make a point that people on that app are aware of basic ethics of dating, and the app guides through the contact with all the knowledge you share in your programs. Would be so cool, huh?

Get on a phone call… Matt best advice you gave to me years ago. I love it get on a phone call.

Unrelated but I love that under the stairs filming set-up

That’s interesting. I think phone fear is real though! It feels quite intimate to speak on the phone, sometimes more so than meeting in person. I would probably only suggest a phone call after at least 5 dates, honestly!

I hate phone calls because I am an introvert and I am afraid of awkward silence, rather to do a voice message. :) Then I have time to consider what I'll saying and still everybody has their own time to listen that in a right time I mean.

I agree with Miss Audrey I agree with all of what you said, Thank you very much to the four of you. 😊

Great content. Enjoy you all. Thank you for such great research and prep. Stephen, please rethink filming under the staircase. It's unsettling. Maybe bad feng shui, too.

@matthew… she is absolutely lovely. So simply gorgeous in a casual sweatshirt and minimal makeup. Happy for you. She is a classic gem and I hope you treat each other well for years to come. ~tigress~ *I met you in NY, waved you over to ask how to get men to stop proposing and you jokingly called me “the master.” You encouraged me to slow them down and the right one will be patient. Just want to say: You were spot on. Thank you 🌹♥️🌹

Matt, I'd love to hear your thoughts on differentiation in relationship. What is it? How does it help? Why should you work on it?

I personally would feel a bit under pressure and like it’s intense if someone wanted a phone call before a date. I hardly like talking to friends on the phone, I rather text or just meet them. Unless I can’t see them for whatever reason then I’ll schedule a phone call. But calling me out for nowhere feels intrusive like you’re demanding my time now! I’ll reply when I’m good and ready 🙂 Then again I’ve got anxiety issues.

Matthews right I know some married men who have been on dating apps

Introverts prefer texting rather than phone calls or even voice notes. *Trust me, I'm an Introvert* 😉

and i love that you laugh but my ex was still living with me messaging over 50 different girls so its a good point with the call

It is so different for all… I preferred to meet before giving any phone calls or exchanging any numbers

I think 🤔 that this is sounding too complicated and it’s really not. Why not just meet the man in a public place and have a cup of coffee and decide then.

i love her on here! I watch Robert kyosaki and his wife and ken Mcelroy also

Audrey is amazing 💖💖💖

Wow everyone has been ok with the calls - I feel they are necessary

I’ve met a few guys on a dating app who said a FaceTime call before going out on an actual date made them feel a bit awkward or like I wouldn’t be getting the full experience of them and I would pass some judgement on them, but ultimately I’ve never been denied this before a date by a guy if I’d been chatting with him and developing a bit of a connection with them. Strange that so many men were so defensive towards her about it.

Since the pandemic I tell guys on dating apps "one of my favorite things to result of this pandemic is normalizing going on a video chat date before meeting up in person. Can we have a video call so we can get a feel of the vibe?" And 90% of the time they say yes. If they're hesitant, it's a red flag that they're not someone I'd want to get to know anyway.

I think it depends on the people's situation. I was in my now partner's country (with whom I live with), but he asked me out for a coffee the day I was flying home from my research trip (to move to his country anyway). He still to this day travels a lot for work and Whatsapping was our only form of contact with one Skype call for the first year and he agreed to wait a year for the coffee date because I was travelling halfway around the world and we literally after that year made it a lunch date. We were mostly text messaging partly due to time differences, high amount of hours we both worked. We were friends for 3 years and now together for almost 4. I think there's a danger with generalised advice because it doesn't take into account exceptions to the rule...

Just do voice clips on bumble for example. And I started doing it today. It’s good

As a woman I feel more secure to have had a phone call before a physical date. Doesn’t need to be safer but I wanna have the chance to pick up any potential danger in their voice. With text. Everybody have a bigger chance of thinking through but a phone call make you need to speak more directly and reveals more

I'm surprised this wasn't mentioned; but a lot of the dating apps are also advertisement platforms for OF and/or other such content, so changing to a phone call will make some people wonder if they are trying to move the conversation to one of those platforms (without breaking ToS) and everything up until now was just a charrade.

Is the title not misleading? But love your advice as always

I hate it when after giving my phone number some guys just call me whenever they see fit without planning it with me. I may be out or working or with friends or on a date or just tired and have no energy for communication. I feel it is just disrespectful. Like now you are calling ( and sorry but you are no one to me so far) and I have to drop everything and give you my time. I give up such guys immediately

Single man here. No problem with a phone or video call *unless* it feels like a precondition to have a date. As if you were in a hiring process and you need to get through layers to earn the job. If the lady thinks she is not yet sure her precious time will be wasted over a coffee, I am out. If she just wants to talk spontaneously, then of course yes.

I totally disagree. If the exchange online peaks my interest, then I immediately jump on a call. It takes five minutes of time and energy to have a quick conversation, see if there’s a rhythm, a cadence, get a vibe for the persons personality. I would much rather do that, then spend days and weeks vetting someone through text messaging. Plus, until you know someone’s personality I think text messaging is a very bad idea. Block your number but call. If it is not a match, delete them from your inbox that way your inbox does not get overwhelming and discouraging. Process of elimination.

My coffee date moved into a dutch dinner tonight, due to time constraints. I suggested it because i felt there was no point for a coffee date at 5pm. lol This is my first date in almost 7 years!!! Stay tuned.................

It think it all depends on how long you’ve been chatting to the person online.

As a guy, I'd rather get on a video call with someone via the app before a date. It does need to be organic and we need to be talking and texting back and forth but I'd much rather check someone via a video call before meeting in person. There's a lot of manipulation on the apps and the video call cuts through the manipulative photos, filters, and catfishing

Last year I had an awful date with someone I’d already spoken to on the phone - once they’d had a couple of drinks they changed character and became very unpredictable… And a bit scary if I’m honest. When I made my apologies and excuses for leaving I was bombarded with calls, texts and voicemails… I didn’t like it at all. After that I decided that giving out personal information isn’t something I want to do until I’ve actually met a person and made sure they’re a decent or at least sane individual. It’s funny because the reassurance that a call gives for many to meet is the same I get from meeting someone who I would then be willing to call… Bottom line is that we’re all different and people shouldn’t assume that not wanting to talk prior to a date is red flag

I love talking on the phone doesn't scar me maybe be I'm just the 20% of guys who don't get scared. I actually like to video call go one step further. Im currently single too 😅😂

As an only recently off-the-market guy, my thoughts are this: beware guys who aren't down for a short call, BUT make it clear it's okay if it's a short call. The reasoning: any guy who is genuinely into you, whether it's only initial chemistry or a building attraction, should at the least be WILLING to call you for a minute or so. Plus, for us shy guys, it can ease us up for the actual date if there's sort of that "pre-date meeting" call Matt sort of referenced

One of the reasons why I have lost so much hope for finding romance is because, it just seems like everybody expects you to know whether you really like them, after you only just started to talk to them for the first time on a dating App. And some even get disappointed if you don't sleep with them after the first few dates. When people have such (should I say intense?) expectations, that puts a lot of pressure on me, and makes me want to take a step back. That's when I start telling myself that perhaps I need to proceed with caution, because this person is behaving in a controlling manner (particularly when they guilt me or get upset for not jumping right into things). And then, if I explain the reason why I don't want to progress so suddenly, that explanation just gives them leverage to manipulate me (which I don't quite understand why the word "no" doesn't seem to mean "no" the first time you say it; I mean . . . why does there need to be a discussion?). I am at the point now, where if I say "no" to someone, and they don't understand what that means, I am just going to move on; because I don't need to be arguing with somebody every time I say no (especially when they are trying to cross personal boundaries that I already made clear, as I don't feel so comfortable getting so involved with a stranger so quickly. It makes me think that they just want a fling, instead of progressing into something more.

Im glad this topic came up, i feel im in a situation where some of dates i have been on mostly messages. I rather talk then message. But it seems like they dont like my voice because its deep. Thats due to my voice box been damaged during an ops. Theres nothing i can do abt that. Sometimes i think to myself maybe its for the best. One time i asked this guy why dont we talk on the phone? He said he cant because apparently my voice turns him on. Then i said if thats the case then you should hear more often. I said Please dont insult me like that and i blocked him. Current situation im seeing someone forget talking on the phone he hardly messages me. He says his attracted to me. We both like each other. But im stuck. I want to bring the subject up of talking on the phone. But im worried what his answer be... Any advice would be great. Thanks.

Except there are people who dislike phone calls, like introverts. But I could try a voice note, if I'd feel confident enough.

That's my opinion I don't know how you guys think but that's how I see my entire life I was always having a distance relationship and it makes me like heat or relationship because it doesn't go anywhere it can be perfect if you have a good person but you know what nowadays people don't know what nowadays people that are not nice you can only control yourself you cannot control other people what they think what they did to you but if they show you the true colour you have to believe them that's my opinion

Matthew has said before that he wouldn’t recommend going on a date if you have had a zoom chat with the person you’re interested in

im not a phone person cuz i dont like talking on the phone. im more a text person. i better in expressing myself in text or by writing. thats how i am since i was a kid. i also dont like video calls. i prefer to talk face to face. voice memo is ok too. im a quiet person lol if im on the phone i dont talk much but on text i write lots but most dudes dont understand it tho i told em already. phone calls ok as long as it is short n urgent only

I think this speaks more to a guy’s actual intentions. Some guys use the ap for entertainment without real intentions to date.

Ive learned to hate dating apps in every way, shape or form.

They find a phonecall 'too intense'? How pathetic.

i have spoken to guys in past via text on app & have said you should call me! and they have said to me is that a request or a demand? im thinking wtf Mathew said the shows confiendence and now these guys are getting funny about a exclamation mark lol

Hi Matt I'm on a dating app and lots of guys on there make excuses and barely txt one specifically takes his photo off everytime he's not on there I have asked him repeatedly are you married or in a complicated relationship he keeps saying he's single but I believe he's lieing he just wants a one time thing, am I being paranoid or is he really lieing, I have also seen lots of guys in person at my work with woman and children but I don't know how long theyv been dating or if they really are trying to cheat so I just stay out of it and block them, yes I have trust issues but at the same time I'll never help a man cheat. How can I know if he's really single and serious

What's the summary?

Nothing wrong with an actual verbal phone call over a text, I do this to sort out those who are really interested from those who could care less.....those who were interested, had no problem actually talking voice to voice ! And sometimes after a conversation with them, you realize that a date isn't worth it, you two aren't on the same page.....

I’ve never thought to ask a guy for a call or a FaceTime, but I’ve had guys ask me to.

I have a completely different situation. I have been with a texting man for 10 months. But he does not like to talk on the phone, he only writes. He calls very rarely, but he is constantly in touch. He lives in another country. I know he likes me enough. Why doesn't he stop writing then?

I learned my lesson…YES!!!…just texting is weird!!!! Its really nice at first and the youre liiiiiiiiike: whats the point?????

Oh,where can I leave a voice memo to get some insights on my issue too?

What about the person you are dating is not actually living near where you live maybe they live another another state who knows maybe they live like I live in Norway maybe they live in USA and we are just chatting from a dating service and I think calling the person or he will call you I think that's OK when it's distance relationship but when you know the person you're talking to leaves where you live I think it's it's not necessarily that you talk to the phone it's good to go out and meet the person face-to-face that's what I think but if it's long distance relationship I think phone call is the best

You are so handsome and attractive and intelligent man

Most men say they didn’t even know there is a voice text men who won’t leave me a message in return I do Not move forward with

It shows that most men are more comfortable seeing a woman in person (with the hope of sex) vs actually talking to her.

here's a thought: worrying about these types of things brings toward you men that will fulfill your worries. All sorts of ppl get together who have "issues". fix yourself, stop worrying, just date. easy.