mercy is not allowed on this channel >:(

“You can have your peace, but not your mercy”

The only peace there's gonna be is the peace and quiet left after those little green bastards hit the bricks

It was the "wanker" hand gesture from the alien that caused the "DING!"

exactly this lol, and its like the best part. Toms all getting ready to be proper and all and aliens just like "here a hot load for ya" and toms like "you bitch maybe i should work for nasa and come to mars to strangle you"

I just got that after watching it for the second time.

You don't rub asparagus directly on a jelly sting? 😮

And aggressively chugging the same gatorade he bought at the shops where he yelled at the pasta lady, lol

I thought it was aloe vera so thank you for explaining the joke 😅👍👍

why, what's special about asparagus specifically?

oooooh I still don't say it

It's not a little smirk. It's a huge rage-grin.

Tom Cathardy

Phrasing?

That’s what she said

Absolutely one of the best lines I've ever heard for anything.

would be the best president ever he would be honest :D

Maybe, more Presidents rocking mullets could make humans come together and not surrender the planet to any Spacefaring motherhumpers

Personally I feel any President of the planet I call home could and *should* rock a mullet! I did in high school after all and I wasn't even all that good looking!

A FUCKING mullet*

yeah and he has a picture from the beach to

And what probably is a sunburn...

So if all tracks... he stopped an alien invasion using his passive aggressive-ness

@@steampunkgamez9703 I really don't think it was passive, but it adds up

So you're telling me this based on a true story?

Next up: "Why Do I Always Get The Tomato End in my Sandwich?" and "No, I Don't Have My Warranty Paperwork."

@@davidrichardson7205 After those we get, "Sorry I filed my Taxes late, please don't fine me"

Can’t wait for “the sole of my shoe bunches up at the most annoying spot so I’m walking weird am now I have scoliosis

@@EKimatH "There's a rock in my shoe, but I can't take it off in public."

"This f*cking bathroom stall doesn't have 4G reception."

As an aussie I couldn't be more proud

A plea for mercy might work, but that's some weak shit. Telling them to go fuck themselves at least let's you keep your dignity, and who knows, maybe they were bluffing!

theres something so human about being a spiteful douchebag, im pretty sure the aliens wouldnt want to put up with us because their invasion would make us all get along for once lmao

As a german (unbiased as aussies go) that has drunk with all kinds of nationalities I think I can safely say, that I also would like a slightly hungover Aussie to be our negotiator against an alien invasion. I think, Australia itself probably tries to kill each and every human being living in it. So all the Aussies that make it won’t be phased by anything (extraterrestrial) life throws at them. That and a weird penchant for swearing are the two most endearing qualities Australia nurtures in it’s people. And that’s basically all you can ask for, if negotiating with the Martian invaders.

​​@@eduardfroschstern2151they send down giant spiders, Earth defense force style and the Aussies are just like "mate theres bigger spiders in my boots every morning"

It's not a smirk. It's a rage-grin.

Yeah specifically the NASA part

Tom must have paid a fortune for his home hes got beach access and easy NASA viewing? Jealous.

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It is cheaper and more profitable than therapy

Ya remember the time he became president of the word after stopping an alien invasion? That was epic

I'm here wondering if there is actually a branch of NASA in Sydney, Australia, like... I thought NASA was only an American thing?

@@sophia_jane There are a few NASA facilities in Australia, yes! Basically because it has some of the harshest environments on Earth, so they do things like test spacesuits there and such

​@@sophia_jane lol that was my thought too, then my second thought was "oh yeah wait, we have bases freaking everywhere, a NASA building in Sydney isn't nearly that much of a stretch"

@@keckhardt3386 NASA: How are we going to make sure our spacesuits will survive the vacuum of space or mars? Also NASA: If it can survive Australia it can survive anything.

​@@windwaker105I mean if we're being real, terraforming the desert would be a good first step to terraforming Mars

well wouldn't you lose it if some alien scum called you a wanker?

Knowing humanity as a whole, it feels like it would be out genuine reaction

Last level of Elite Beat Agents spoilers

I mean the guy was pretty disrespectful, even without all the "gib da planet" thing.

ahahaha.wav

@@sieg-sandrodeshannon3035 Ah, a fellow witch of culture.

U RIGHT U RIGHT all of these songs r bollywood levels of wild

😆😆😆 that’s a great way to describe it

if you like songs where things gradually get weirder I highly recommend jazz emu!

@@anna-fleurfarnsworth104 Jazz Emu is *fantastic.*

If other people did this, being mistaken for a lifeguard in a life or death situation would be the extreme example used for the punchline. But here it's just the mid point.

You had me in the first half

@@jonathansorenson6840 Not gonna lie.

Not to mention his heroic work in letting that child die.

@@justsomeguy5628 The son's fine he just swims weird. And you shouldn't hold that against him.

That old lady never got her groceries thank god lol

right?!

i was utterly CONVINCED that was someone else

@@jackeroni216 Same. It didn't even occur to me that it might be him until I read comments about it.

I was SHOOK- just vibing and then "Wait, this is TOM??"

Wait, it’s seriously not someone else?

I mean.... He *is* unemployed, so he's not wrong

​@@bloodshade1650I think the gov would beg to differ on self employment income not counting... Pretty sure he meant he doesn't work at NASA.

@@AnitaBongheit He is literally jobless in the video that's the whole gimmick of the song

@@bloodshade1650 Yeah, he just doesn't work THERE.That's the bit. You understand most people only work at one place, so the rest of the world is places they in fact do NOT work at. ...It doesn't mean he doesn't work at all. We know he's an artist dude. That's not jobless. I have three jobs. And still need to pull this song out regularly at stores. Wearing a tasseled sweater and leather skirt, I get older ladies at the store asking me to get them stuff or take them to products. And plenty of parents looking at me to direct their kids at the beach, since I have a full load there of my own; they assume I'm a coordinator or some sh**; I don't know. Never had the nasa problem tho- but I'm well prepared should it happen.👍 Point is you're making the same classist ass assumptions that are touched on in this video by assuming a person with free time is jobless, just because they don't work there.🤷🏼‍♀️ My comment was playful bro. Keep it there?

@@AnitaBongheit I can't tell if you're joking or just stupid at this point... I meant that the *character* he is playing in the video is jobless! He literally says that he should get a job at 2:39 Watch the damn video before going off on random people in the comment section!

I loved that car

@@tomcardy1 when are you going to add this to Spotify? Please.

@@gageshippy2256 Red flag is sadly also missing

❤️‍🔥

I literally thought the same thing.

specifically the joke is the United States space agency having a building in Australia

​@@RelikenRight? Since it was in Australia it should have been an ARSE compound.

​@@not_that_personSomebody didn't think that acronym through too well🤣

@@FrauWilhelmKlink Sadly they did, because ARSE (Australian Research & Space Exploration) isn't actually the name of the Australian space agency. It's ASA (Australian Space Agency). ARSE is just a joke someone came up with a long time ago.

@@not_that_person Ah, gotcha.

He did save the world from aliens regardless of how much of a prick he was. Even his worst enemies would dance along with him just flip the bird to the aliens.

& there's two specific things that you have to know.

4:05

Extremely raw

so is "do you think the president of earth as a F**kin mullet"

Half of human history basically

Same vibe as me hating on America, but the moment a brit is being rude to America my ass becomes patriotic as hell

I mean, how much of a pinnacle of your life is it if you get to tell and invading alien species "Hey, I don't work here, but even if I did, I would not surrender shit"

4:05

Time stamp ( 1:06 )

It could be about all those complaints customers have that are always directed at low level employees like we can do jack shit about it

r/MaliciousCompliance

@@TheArtisticGamer7 "You really should keep this item in this other area" Miss, I literally just man the cash register, I do not have authority of any kind in this establishment, and also the layout of the store is decided on a corporate level, even my boss can't change this shit up.

that's what I thought the title said at first, and we desperately need that version

@@Hakasedess "Well you should take that item off your menu." Ma'am, it's a digital display that updates biweekly from corporate. No one in this building, not even the district, can change this sign. Please just order your Mexican pizza and go.

A safe galaxy is a human galaxy.

Same

The next video for this track will feature clips from Mars Attacks and Independence Day.

we need to make an edit of this part with the speech from independance day x)

Reminds me of the worlds end!

*kzfaq.info/get/bejne/sNBket2hl9KtYn0.html* Finally its here *YES*

You forgot that it also gave us almost a whole minute of shirtless Tom Cardy :V

And a few minutes of spedo Cardy ​@@storminajar

He can play all these instruments, he can sing, he's a great songwriter, he can make a sand racecar... Feels like the only thing he can't do is be a cop.

@@cjnchimaera hmmm Im not so sure about that last bit

@@Jojozilla426 nah he always says he's not a cop, so he can't be

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@@cjnchimaera you are so right, tom is the definition of the manic pixie dream boy, he has all the skills

Ski-bap, ba-dap, butthole!

No no. That's not the right way. You must ask "do you know where the pasta is"

@@alphabetsoup6837 and i still won't say it

💀💀💀

Aliens: Where is your leader!?! Tom: :D

Absolutely! Being in Germany, I was tired as hell but that premiere felt like a creative, yet gorgeous kick in the balls.

I wish I could've been there!

I actually turned on notifications for the premiere but my partner came home and I really enjoy listening to his music in private so I can get my dance on. So I came in a day late and proceeded to listen to it 10 thousand times

It worked? That’s strange, I’m pretty sure the entire song is about him not working, at least, not here

Oddly reminiscent of Agent 47.

To add to that, the first article from the newspaper at the end is Louis Theroux hammering in just how awkward he is

MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT

The beach walk is amazing

Don't react. Don't retract. Don't attack. There's only one rule from here on out: KEEP EYE CONTACT

I think he did with all these people, maybe not the dad. Maybe bardic inspiration.

Its just how real dads run tbh

just what aussie blokes are like if they're super upright

Menacing even

He's doing the cha cha, aggressively, Tom joins in for a moment too...

gold, I see what you did there.

I had a good laugh at that too. 😂

Asparagus has never stung anything for me, coming or going, and now I'm concerned for everyone lol. Unless he means stings the nostrils, I get that lol.

@@TalynCo I think he's applying that the person got stung by a Jellyfish and one of the ways to ease the sting (which apparently doesn't work by the way) is to pee on the area.

@@CmakesP But how does asparagus correlate to that?

well he roled a 20 on his perception check

@@brickchef8282 you spelled rolled wrong

that might be the best line of the decade wwwwww

Me when my friends ask which version of Smash Bros we're going to play today.

​​​​@@OrangeInsect You didn't capitalize or punctuate your sentence. Now politely, kindly, please go away with your grammar Nazi ways because Your attitude sucks.

Seconding this!

Thirded!

The probably didn't realize they were at target Blue is like the ultimate worker color

I had my bags and a handful of clothes that I was trying on at a Uniqlo recently and some lady asked me where something was. I politely told her I don’t work here but…how do you think me, the bag lady, works here?

I was at Target dressed like a damn Hot Topic model (black band T-shirt, ripped black jeans, combat boots, neon green and black striped arm socks, chains, spikes, the whole nine) and I STILL got mistaken for an employee. With all due respect, how the fuck?

I had the same happen at target while wearing GREEN!! 🙄 and another time at a CVS while wearing short shorts and a tank top???? The resting retail face is very strong, like some kind of Employee Aura or something

I was at a Target once with people and for some reason got singled out as "Oh, they must work here" ...I ended up selling the guy on a GPS for his truck because my social anxiety would not allow me to correct him.

"Can't you just give me a refund without the buying slip? It's not that hard. -Ma'am, it is absolutely not a complexity issue, and you screaming my ear off won't magically make me the corporation's manager of sales. And no, I can't call them for you."

I think we all, collectively, as a species, felt that. Absolutely.

I'm a manager at my job and just today a customer told me that as such I should magically be able to change corporate or CEO level policies because that's how it is in the movies...

omg I KNOW it's so good

Let me guess... Customer Service/Retail?

This is my get going for the day song

Counterpoint: Can you tell us the name of the venue? Some of us might like to work there...

Were you looking for the ring? Because I think you might have walked into the wrong song.

@@incredibleWatty Lol some place called Diamond Garden ( I think ? had a lot of wine) in chicago . Cool interior set up and great food.

@@beemoh No dont worry The vicar did not lose the ring in the 11th hour and didnt have to check his butthole (got em )

@@beemoh holy shit unrated comment!

He has all of our votes

If we get to the point of having a one world leader I have zero confidence we'll be living in an elective democracy but in that event then same ..same

*kzfaq.info/get/bejne/sNBket2hl9KtYn0.html* Finally its here *YES*

Why not just get enough people to write him in

He deserves 250 medals

Even if it's not on purpose, he do be looking pretty fit for your average aussie with a temper.

I bet dat means something.

I WAS JUST GONNA SAY What a handsome young man

It’s the cop training

he hasnt reached peak cardy just yet!

I dont think he choked? I think he was improvising and wanted to hit a lower note like on the piano, but on this smaller instrument it just stops? (You can see his thumb touching absolutely nothing)

@@lupoedonna7158 Exactly, hes missing lower keys there

The whole shtick of it is precisely not having enough keys because he chose to solo on a melodica😂

HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THAT i really thought it was part of the song

@@Jakecake95 It might have been, if he was just doing a bit

I don't think it's a mistake, he needs that low note (and knows where it is in the scale because you can see the thumb going for it but missing) but the melodica doesn't have it - so theoretically the cursing is against the melodica octaves

as if it's not written, rewritten, rehearsed or edited! Honestly the amount of people thinking this is like, all one take as he dreams it up is alarming

@@storageheater well, yeah. But the way he wove the lack of the key into the song is great. He didn't have to. It would have been easier not too.

time stamp?

@@kyrcamille9106 1:30

Right?? 😂

CAN CONFIRM!! i work there but when im not on the clock i will absolutely say i dont work there

Smokin Joe took all middle fingers

Tom Cardy's got your back

That is fucking amazing.

Your phone (and Tom) are always listening.

The universe aligns itself in mysterious ways

He is a master of real life awkwardness

In no universe was I prepared for it, and that's what makes it incredible. It's a deliciously unhinged step in the song.

lmao

I think this may be one of my favorite youtube comments of all time

Not gonna lie, I think about this comment as much as I think about the song. Which is literally multiple times a day.

This remains one of my favourite edits... 😂

Truee the stance he assumes for the first lady, brilliant subtle part of the genius of this song

It's the same pose toddlers make when they're soiling their diaper but x10 scarier

It’s the dead smile and eye contact for me. Absolutely unhinged

Oh shit you’re right, like “give us a hug” Or am I off base? I wouldn’t know I’m a yank

@@MattBnl2ih You are correct.

Bro I also once wore a red shirt to target

Bonus round: Me, wearing blue in Target, getting into an argument about how I don't work there, and they explode: "But you're wearing blue!" Me: "YES! IN TARGET WHERE THEY ALL WEAR RED!" There's this slow dawning of the sun over the Plains of Ignorance as they realize where they actually are. XD

@@Silverserri Could be red-blue colour-blind. That might have been them realising that the target shirts are red and not blue as they thought and that their whole life was a lie.

I don't think red-blue colourblindness is a thing, it's either red-green or blue- yellow

Plus the ones that affect all three cones (for some reason mobile browser youtube doesn't let you edit comments)

I think a lot of his songs feel that way

Pretty sure that’s how he gets the ideas for all his songs

Somebody asked him to show them where is pasta. Don't you listen?

Alien takeover

*kzfaq.info/get/bejne/sNBket2hl9KtYn0.html* Finally its here *YES*

This is less than a year old. How many jobs have you quit?

"Mr. Cardy, you're such a prolific author, where does the inspiration come in for these marvelous songs?" Tom: *hides a pack of fortune cookies* You see, my life is a string of fortunes and misfortunes interwoven.

Also was that a cuica in the beginning like from Paul Simon’s Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard?

Thank you. I couldn’t figure out what happened there.

I didn't catch the jack off one first time around, but that's great.😂

Everyone of these are definitely gold, but when panning the liquid river of gold Tom gave us every bit found is gold😂💜