i've followed you for years since you posted about trans guy tips, up until nowadays. i feel so grateful that you still think about this little place bc, idk, maybe it's nostalgia but your videos are always soothing to me - specially on these topics. thanks for talking about it, and i wish you all the good in the world in this journey so every day you feel like yourself. you're amazing ily

Hi, Kovu! I've been following you since I was 12 and I was a scared trans rat who just came out, and I've always found a lot of comfort and peace from your videos. Now I'm 17, finally turning 18 this year. It’s been quite a journey for me as well. I do identify as a straight and binary trans man and am comfortable with all those labels (apart from the internalized transphobia that’s still kinda there), so I don’t really relate to your genderqueer experience, but you really helped me so much during the past years and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank you enough for that. While I identify differently, I still admire the way you've been able to explore and express your identity so authentically. You really gave me (and still give me) the strength to keep going. Take care of yourself, Kovu. Love from Italy!

Kovu returning was not something i expected this year, welcome back

I related to you at the start of watching your videos and I still relate to you now ! Just so you know you are not the onely person feeling like this 😅 being in between has its pros and cons being that middle person who struggles to find that place is hard I stared off as a trans guy and now I identify as non binary ( I am more just queer in general but say non binary because it’s easier for me personally) honestly being a blob with no gender is definitely an experience and it’s valid no matter how you identify. Well done Kovu you have had an incredible journey! And helped me along the way aswell ☺️

Glad you're finding yourself gender is a hard journey of self discovery sometimes

i know how you feel, i think this happens often when you start physically transitioning and become more and more comfortable in your body and realize things about yourself; after a few years on T i became so confident in myself and comfortable with my identity that i just don't gaf about masculinity and femininity in terms of appearance and my identity, and in my mind gender doesnt exist for me (meaning me specifically), im just me and chilling

feeling like a blob inbetween is so realtable, that being said, however you are or want to be is perfect

So happy to see you here at times! Thanks for opening up about that. It's beautiful so see you grow and know yourself better, accept yourself better, etc. Thanks a lot! I'm so happy your family, boyfriend and friends are open about al that! It's so amazing! As an agender person (he/him), I do get a good bunch of what you said;

I just want to commend you on being able to publicly make a change of direction like this. In psychology it's been demonstrated many times that it's harder for people to reverse a decision if they have made public declarations about it previously. People often think they need to stay consistent to be respected. And the sad truth is you get more support for transitioning, then you do in for the reverse. I think it's good that you're being real about your feelings even if it doesn't portray the linear narrative people are expecting. It's going to make it easier for others who are realizing the same thing as you.

Just clicked on this from your "Is it normal to feel scared to start hormones?" video and I feel like it would be good for your brain if you watched what you said about yourself back then. You have grown, otherwise you wouldn't have ended up filming this video. And you can be proud of yourself for coming around and letting yourself feel aaaall the feelings. Thank you for being so honest to yourself and us. For various reasons, I ended up waiting a couple of years after turning 18 and am now seeing an endocrinologist to start HRT. I stopped watching trans KZfaq and stopped comparing myself. I really grew into my body, especially because I have the fortune of living with my very loving boyfriend. And I realised I felt more androgynous and truly nonbinary and just let myself acknowledge that. So it seems we both ended up in the same boat on very different routes. Anyway, it's really comforting to hear you talk about all this. It's a journey.

I've been watching you ever since i started to question my gender at the age of 12. I think I have a pretty similar experience and your videos have always made me feel like I can finally relate to someone who has been through a similar thing. For a long time I thought I was a trans guy and rejected any signs of femininity. Lately I have learnt to love the feminine parts of me as well and started to embrace them. I don't have to fit into any box or term and for now I'm happy with that :) I'm also so very happy for you that you're exploring yourself and being able to embrace it. I wish you luck on this path and sending lots of love and hugs 🫂

This is the first ever video of yours I've seen and honestly it's really heartening to see someone with a gender trajectory similar to mine. It's always nice to hear you're not alone.

Gahh this is so relatable! I’ve also just recently started identifying as genderqueer/genderfluid after identifying as a trans man for several years. It’s such a confusing journey. Also the part about stopping testosterone due to hair loss!Me too! I started having hair loss which is really strange since I’m only 19 and my dad still has a full head of hair. It’s made me really self conscious especially because I no longer identify as purely male. I’m hoping to get some regrowth but I don’t know the science behind that. Anyway, thank you for sharing your experience and making me feel less alone on my gender exploration journey! 🫶

Hiya Kovu! I’ve been watching your videos for years now (I remember when the ways to come out video came out). Watching your video talking about dysphoria and the “alien blob in the mirror” was such a comfort for me at the time to know that my feelings are valid and that I’m not alone. I am 23 this year, I’ve had top surgery for 2 years+ now and been on T for 4+ years. It’s nice seeing you come back to this channel just to talk about your thoughts and feelings is comforting. Just thank you for being you

This process sounds like it's so healing for you, I love that! I myself have "finished" discovering my gender in January last year, and I relate to your video! It feels so so good to finally not have that "hindering" voice in the back of your head. Just letting go and letting yourself feel. From 2015 (when I started questioning) to now, it feels so great to continue growing and improving. Lots of love :)

I found your content when i was first figuring out that my gender and sexuality weren't very in line with what was expected of me. I at first assumed i was nonbinary, and focused for so long on proving that i was that by the time i finally got a chance to breathe, it dawned on me that i was in fact a trans man, albeit a not very traditional one. Your content really helped me through a lot of tough times and I just wanted to say that im grateful for every update. You're only a bit older than me, so its been nice to see a peer go through this journey, as someone who can relate. Take care.

this is really beautiful, thank you for talking about it. its been really comforting and freeing for me to learn how to be proud of the things that make me like my grandmother and other women in my family. and it doesn't make me as dysphoric as it used to. its fun to learn who you are without pressure growing up can be fun :)

You've put this into words so well. I've gone through a similar thing, I thought I was a trans guy for a good couple of years until it started to feel restrictive and I noticed how much of myself I was ignoring or actively pushing away to make myself fit the thing I thought I wanted to be. The constant self-doubt was very painful and let to some real low points, but thanks to the gender therapist I talked to I've embraced being in-between things a lot more. The way I experience my gender can change in different situations and that used to really freak me out, and it feels a lot better now that I've fully embraced that my gender isn't one fixed thing and it's okay if it changes. Thanks for the video :)

i named my guinea pig after u five years ago

❤❤❤❤ i'm glad you talk about that!! Currently i'm in an identity crisis, freaking out about finding my "labels". And its so reassuring to hear, that gender identity can and will change and thats fine. Have a good year Kovu :*

been following you for what feels like forever, i remember watching your videos when i first came out as trans, and it’s so awesome to see you grow and change. i relate so much to your story and i share a very similar experience as well. i stopped t 3ish years ago for no other reason then i was just annoyed with having to give myself a shot every week and after coming off it i realized that i was happy with the changes i had and didn’t really feel like i needed to be on it anymore. anyways, glad to see you growing and becoming more comfortable in yourself ❤

Your previous videos helped me find myself and realize who i am. It was a very confusing time in my life and you helped clear it up. Since then I've found myself more and more and while i can't start transitioning for a while yet i am sure that that's the direction i want to move in largely thanks to you. Glad to see you are doing well after all these years.

you really helped me discover lgbt while in a place that refused to explain why I felt a certain way. Decided to go look for you again to check up after 7 years and I'm glad to see you are doing well!!

thank you for sharing your experience, it's really nice to hear your story and gender journey. i feel like in my journey, it was hard for me to accept my gender not falling into the gender binary, mainly because how society perceives genderqueer individuals and how even some binary trans people kind of push nonbinary individuals out of the trans community. but the more i express myself the way i want (without putting expectations on myself), the more free i feel and the more i have space to love my body. i appreciate you being open and thank you for your videos, they helped me in my baby queer years.

woow Ive been following you for ages! I never really realised youre just two years older than me just because there always seemed to be such a huge gap between where you are at in life, especially in your transition, vs where I was at, now Ive finally started testosterone at the end of last year and I expect to get top surgery this spring and the two years dont seem like much anymore! you were a huge help to me when I was younger and Im so glad to see you seem to be doing well and get to take this huge step for yourself :)

I’m so proud of you Kovu, and I’m so grateful to you for sharing parts of your journey with us. I started watching your videos when I was fifteen and they helped me immensely to feel less alone - I’m 25 now and am a fellow genderqueer person 🥰 It’s so affirming and joyful to witness your growth and mine alongside it with time. I feel that your videos have fostered a lovely community of people who can derive some courage from your example to pursue their most authentic selves, so thank you very much for crafting this safe space that is flexible, understanding, encouraging and curious. It’s such a comfort to have ♥︎

I love how perfect you put that feeling into words! I've known I was somehow trans since I was 12, came out at fifteen, lived as a trans boy for a year, then wondered why I even was a boy, so another year of being enby. And then I wondered why even that, why I couldn't just be a very masc girl. That thought was definitely terrifying, because I felt like I had just given up, and wondered if I was just going back into the closet again like I did so many times before. In the end, I just accepted that for now I don't know. Probably something genderqueer-ish, but we'll see. I get gender envy from everyone, 13 year old emo kovu, 22 year old gender bendy kovu, that absolutely stunning transfem person I met at the queer youth group (shouldn't I have gender envy from trans mascs?), some girls who just look super cool, some guys, that are so masculine that I'd get dysphoric if I were them, still gender envy though, so we'll see how I'll turn out. If someone gave me the possibility to take testosterone low dose, in a way that I could just stop whenever it got too much, I definitely would. For now, that's not the possibility, because the law just sucks and doesn't acknowledge nonbinary people. If some miracle happens, that law might change one day, else, I might see were I can get T in a less legal way. But for now I'm okay, if I picked my body, it would be different, but my dysphoria really got better. It kinda sucks that I look like a girl again, but I guess I can change that, and at least I'm the type of girl now that 12- year old me would've gotten gender envy from

I watched your '50 (or something, idk anymore) ways to come out as gay‘ video when I was first figuring myself out. I watched a bit more of your content and I think you were one of the first trans people I saw and I started to inform myself and relate. I‘m still trying to figure this out, I switched labels, thought I was one thing, became insecure and kept on looking for something else that fits. That‘s still what I‘m doing after around 3 years of figuring out my identity and it‘s annoying and hard but I hope I will know some day. It kind of helps to see that I‘m not the only person that feels like that (things changing although you thought you were sure) although I‘m in a much earlier stage than you. Thank you for sharing those thoughts, I hope you‘re happy and you opening up gives other people the opportunity to not feel this alone and exploring themselves.

wow it’s amazing to see you back!! love this, it’s important that we have grace for ourselves throughout our gender journey ❤

Many many moons ago on a different account I used to watch your content a lot and idk, it feels almost poetic that this showed up in my recommended today. (I'm also super happy to have been reminded of your channel) Shout out to us trans masc somethings! Also the desire to not present exactly how you want to (ie. to tick all the boxes for binary man) in order to be conventionally attractive, especially as a mlm, is so real it's so nice to hear someone say it. And on the topic of not following the conventional path with hormones, if we're not using something to make us as happy with our appearance as possible when it's within our power, what's the point of having that chance in the first place right?

I haven't seen you in so long, love you so much no matter your gender, be yourself and fück everyone else.

Wow congrats dude, I'm really happy for you finding yourself, I know (fucking believe me I know lol) how difficult it can be to figure out who you are. It's absolutely worth it in the end, though. I have not seen your content in almost seven years but your trans guy/passing tips were the reason I followed you! You were a massive inspiration to me as a little fifteen year old

I have a masculine side and sometimes like to dress in stereotypically male attire (not saying I'm trans), but I remember watching you years ago and enjoying your content. Glad to see you're still uploading.

Where you say you haven’t turned into what your other friends have, you are you and you need to embrace you, what one guy/girl/gender queer person describes as hot/handsome/pretty/beautiful/appealing/unappealing/ugly is not going to ve the same as you. You go be you and don’t let people tell you any different and you find what works for you in identifying yourself. You know what makes you happy and who you are but you (although you may not feel this) have found the confidence to explore further to find that little bit that still wants to jump out to truly be who you are.

AHHHH YOU’RE BACK. u already ur OG followers support u in your journey. Growth is a very complex road and you learn a lot about yourself. ❤️

Always love your honesty and the way you are able to explain your feelings. Wishing you all the best!

i relate to this so much. thank you for this video, it’s a fresh breath of air. i’ve been along a similar journey as you.

man, I've been questioning my gender the last 5 years, it's been a hard time. It gets difficult to decipher whats disphoria that comes from within vs that that you put on yourself. I'm at a point where I'm trying to let go of it all and just be myself, I just still don't know who that is in regards to gender but that is okay too. It really is an everevolving self discovery and acceptance and it sucks that we have to go through that but it's also beautiful to keep growing and finding new ways to love oneself! I'm just wishing us all some peace of mind this year, we deserve it. lots of love, you've been such a comfort for so many people

So glad for you, being Who you are is always a good idea. I remember that one of your videos was one of the first I watch that made me star my own Journey, I felt soooo identify at that moment, and I was so glad to find a place where I could be myself, I still do. Thake care!!!

I'm so so happy to see you again on this channel! Throughout my whole transition I've been following you (like over 5 years at this point) and you always made me feel so seen. And just as I found the label genderqueer for me you post this video, which feels so fun bc even now you seem to be able to put my feelings of my gender into words so nicely. Anyway I am so happy for you, I think gender express should be all about having fun and I feel like everyone I have known or seen that identified as a trans guy at some point has so much to unlearn and explore bc a few years ago anyway that label did feel so limiting and I'm seeing so many of us breaking out of that very specific mold of "trans man" and it's bringing me so much joy. Thank you so much for sharing

Proud of your journey, Kovu! Gender is an often difficult part of self exploration, but I admire your openness and authenticity. Thanks for sharing this with us, and good luck! ❤

It's been so long Kovu, I'm glad to see you again. Keep doing what makes you happy ❤

watched your 100 ways to come out video all those years ago haha so cool to see you back and thriving

i've been following you for such a long time and back then I felt like I could always relate to you in terms of gender. but then I also started to feel like the whole trans masc thing wasn't working out for me, so I "settled" for genderqueer. it's like we've been hiking on a mountain together and mid hike we took different paths because they were suited better for us. and now we meet again at the genderqueer restaurant on top of the mountain and share a vegan schnitzel.✨

Wow Kovu thank you for sharing this with us, and making me go back to those high school years 🥰

I've followed you since your early yt days and basically grew up with you omg... just came out as agender like a few weeks ago too so this is like the best thing on my 2024 bingo card ever

oh hey kovu!! been a bit, huh? glad youve figured yourself out a bit more!

This is my experience, not a comment on yours, so please don’t take it as such. I’m a trans man. But I’m not like a typical man. It’s probably because I’m autistic, and I don’t care about social norms as much. And I’m gay. I like to label myself as a man regardless of my femininity because that’s what it feels like to me, personally. Because I define my own transness by my dysphoria, and nothing masculine, physical or social, gives me gender dysphoria. As for personality, I just kinda exist as a person, not fitting properly in any category, gender or otherwise, because humans aren’t meant to. I think there’s an expectation for trans men to either be hyper-masculine or to be non-binary. Even in queer spaces. But there’s not the same expectation for cis men. People assume that a feminine presenting, but visibly AMAB person is a gay man before they assume they are non-binary, unless there are clear signs that they are transitioning. I’m not saying this is a good thing at all, but I think there should be a lot more room for just being a non-conforming man in trans spaces!

We missed you!❤

ive missed you :,) clicked so fast when i got the notification

kovu!! so good to see you again! congrats on the self discovery!

I’m glad you got this off your chest! I stopped taking T for the same reason, and honestly haven’t experienced dysphoria (or hair loss) since I stopped. I hope you find something that works ^^ I used to watch you back when I was in high school when I had just started to explore my gender identity, and your channel helped me a lot and brought comfort at a time when I really needed it. It’s been many years since then, and a (very) long while since I’d last seen a video of yours pop up- you really seem to have grown into yourself and it’s so cool to see! It’s wonderful that you have such supportive family and friends who see you for who you are as a person. I’m sure you’re going to have a wonderful year :))

congrats Kovu! glad you're feeling more comfortable in yourself to come out ❤

i love how many trans guys one testosterone realise they’re a bit more queer in their gender. my identity has stayed pretty binary but being gnc is sick. i love confusing people. i have always been pretty androgynous, T made me more masculine but with long hair i hit that androgynous point that people cannot tell my agab.

I haven't seen anything from you for years and I was just wondering a couple of days ago how you were going. I'm really pleased to see your journey seems to be developing well 🙂🙃🙂

The funniest thing I’ve realized is that out of the 3 people I’ve met named Kovu (myself included) have all started out being super masc and then realized that they were happier being more genderqueer.

Congrats on the gender and on figuring it out / coming to terms with it! It's a definitely a struggle to not view it as "failing at being a man" rather than what it actually is: just "not being a man." Here's a big ol' virtual hug from someone who _is_ a binary trans man. Just because we're not identical doesn't mean one of us is better or more right. Beauty in our differences

Very relatable, I'm a demiboy and it's just yeah I like being a son, a boyfriend you know, but I'm not really masculine, but I definitely still feel connected to being a guy but just not all the way, the rest of what I feel is gender wender I don't know or understand but that's okay because I partake in shit that makes me fully happy and it doesn't need anything more than that

Omg i got so confused i looked at the screen and i saw robbie yk cavetown and i was like???????? LIKE???????????? But it was your channel AND J WAS LIKE????????? Omg you look completely alike in this vid😭😭😭 I missed u sm kovu!!!! Glad u posted this

I'm glad you've been able to come to terms w another part of your identity :) I wish you the best

It has been an awful while since a post- I've seen your Instagram page still and I'm so glad you're doing well in yourself

I struggle with this as a transmasc person, seems like it all comes back around to the binary. I have to conform to one of the two performances just to live, or that's how it feels. I would love to live in a world without gender expectations and where performance, roles, and expression are more fluid.

so proud of you! 💜

beautiful video! you’re very well spoken. i haven’t seen your channel in a long time. good to see your face and your developing journey. i went from non-binary to trans man to non-binary to genderqueer :) everything is fluid 💫 peace & love

Hello there! I'm happy to see you again, glad you're doing alright, and I like the old time looking video 😊 You can never fail at being yourself Kovu 👍✨ I like the "Nordic hair" comment, same here but I live in the states, mostly Swedish from what my family told me. I agree about having to make some changes and/or compromises just for safety reasons. I do that now and then too. I started my transition thinking I would go full binary male, but I found out I didn't want lower surgery, but needed a few things gone for medical reasons (fibrocystic disease and PCOS). I wanted a beard and flat chest. I have kind of settled on non-binary or queer, they/them unless someone isn't trustworthy to know the whole truth, then I say he/him. I like two-spirited the best though, I'm a sum of all my experiences. Keep being you, you're the best you that you can be 😁

I watched your video about Doubts as a trans person and now I'm watching this one. You're great. Also, my friend made a similar hat for me

You're back :)

oh my god thank you so much for sharing this!!

this is wild because out of all the experiences people have described on youtube yours has always resonated with me the most! but i didn’t think i could truly label myself as a trans guy. i actually settled on genderqueer as a label for myself too!

I really value having you as a kind of representation, even though everyone who identifies as genderqueer or nb has, of course, their own way of experiencing gender, and I'm glad I've kind of grown watching your videos. I'm actually a bit older than you, Kovu, and, basically, when I started watching your videos back in 2016 or 2017 I thought I was a really binary guy. My perception of gender was limited back then tbh, I thought that because I was masculine and I wasn't female, then I had to be male. I also wanted a very binary transition, but due to different circumstances I had to pause than on hault for a while. Now, I haven't got top surgery and I've never been on T, and even though I still want that to happen, I too identify as genderqueer, and therefore as non binary, as in these past years I've grown and I've realised that I don't want to be a man either, some terms like "boy" feel right, but other terms don't fit me, and I've also realised I was forcing myself to be really masc and binary. So I'm just transmasc, and I feel what you've said here as well, that people around me have been through their own binary kind of transition, while I've been finding myself in many ways, experimenting with more femenine clothes and so, taking things from my mother and aunts, and just exploring my gender. Anyway, everyone is different, and, as the comedian Elsa Ruiz, a trans woman, used to say "your transition is a tailored garment".

i found your channel (and that i'm trans) quite recently and i'm so grateful for all the gnc representation. if it wasn't for ppl like you, playing with their gender and expression, i would still be in the closet and trying to fit to a mould that i'm very much not (a cis girl)

I feel as if I am going on a similar journey with gender, and a lot of thinking you expressed of not fitting in or thinking you 'failed' is very relatable. Im so glad youve figured out more about yourself! im still inba area thats just '???'

Kovu!! so random and i hope you don't mind but do you remember at all you once, years ago, made a video explaining how life is like drawing? you just explained a metaphor you had come up with and i came across that in a really bad time in my life and it helped me so much, i was probably 16/17 at the time, i'm 24 now and have gone through my entire transition in that time and life's a thousand times better! i just wanted to let you know that little video meant a lot to me, and so did hearing about your transition and your experiences regarding gender

Congrats Kovu!

We still love you kovu!! I missed you!!!! It's great to see you

I am too! We discovered ourselves very similarly

really glad youre discovering yourself more n more! also, as someone that recently changed their bridge piercing to a shorter one, it makes the biggest difference LOL. consider usin a shorter bar!

It's nice to hear from you, Kovu!

im glad youre doing better, hope we see you a little bit more on youtube in the future :)

Welcome back!

dude ive just recently been feeling the same way, I think going down the transmasc road holes you in and makes you feel just as trapped as when it was the female identity. I feel like I went extreme on both sides of the spectrum because it was conventionally attractive , nowadays I just see myself as nonbinary, leaning more towards being more femenine recently, I don't wanna force anything anymore I wanna be free. sure is a journey tho

You helped me when I was around 12 to 13 to try to find myself and I thought myself that I was trans but I cut my hair and everything and when I got called he I didn’t feels right. I’m 18 now and I’m happy being the gender I was born with and I didn’t think I was gay turns out I was jus gay 😭✋

Sounds like a confusing situation but whatever works for you and your happiness. Good luck on your journey.

It’s so weird to kind of grow up with you and just keep relating to you. As a young trans guy I watched your video because I related to you and now I identify as genderqueer and explain it exactly the same as you just did in this video. I also am literally wearing the same hat as you, haha.

Check out finasteride and/or minoxidil for hairloss if you don't wanna stop t. You can also take lower doses of t. (This is what im doing as a transmasc enby who wants hair lol)

I used to watch your videos years ago as a teen. Now I'm 21 and recently started T

Omg Kovu!! :D

Welcome back

Being part of the Blob club is great, hope you have fun here! Go wild!

Glad to hear you live your freedom ❤

you're valid❤

i remember watching your 100 ways to come out video when I was first figuring out my gender and sexuality and whatnot, so idk just seeing you figuring yours out years later makes me happy inside 😭 I wish you the best and I hope you know how much you've inspired me and a lot other LGBTQ folks :)))

Hi honey! So nice to have a new video from you. Thank you! Great update. And you look fabulous as usual! So, genderqueer it is. Don't know what it means. Really don't care. Whatever makes you happy makes me happy. So much love!

I remember feeling this way too. I stopped testosterone in February 2021. I'm hating myself less but it is still a struggle to exist in public. It's been getting better slowly and I can't really tell what the future holds so I'm really just waiting it out.

This is so relatable😭 I missed you so much btw

I looove your hat xD (I just had to)

Literally same with the hairloss situation. I also started T in 2018 at 16, we have a very similar time line. I'm still on the fence if I want to go off T or start finasteride.

I missed you!

YYYYEEEEAAAAHHHH 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

Congratulations. You gave me so much hope for my little teenage self who was just realising I was trans. I’m now 20 and exploring my gender more freely. All the best for the future 💙