“Even though it’s a very private, immersive experience, the consequence of it is not your own. Even though it’s your body, everyone that cares about you sees themself through you.” I don’t want to hear that because it hurts, but I really needed to. Thank you.

I really appreciate how you addressed the difference between how you used to view your cutting when you were younger, and saw your body as an obstacle rather than a vessel. I recall as a young teenager (raised in a very religious home) that when I cut, it would provide me with a sense of self control, that I otherwise did not feel at that point in my life, that I had. I was guilted as a teen who followed a left haand path...and my father was a minister. I was shamed and made to feel like there was something wrong with me, and for years...I almost believed It. Cutting was a way to feel on my own terms. Back then, it was a way of silently screaming and dealing with my own pain, in a way that no one else could help me with. It drew me closer and familiarized me more with myself and who I was then...but moreover who I have eventually evolved into as a being today. The older I have gotten, the experiences I have had with cutting (and my reasons for cutting) have evolved over the years. It became less ferequent, and my intent changed a bit. Now when I rarely cut, it is much more focussed and intense with greater intent, rather than a young child who was angry and suicidal. It became much more a means of expressing myself. It became something of greater importance, focus, and I saw my bloodletting more as more of a sacrament, like a personal sacrifice to the universe. I celebrated the blood as more of a reverence for life, than always a token of death. I did my first peice of blood art when I was 14 on a piece if cloth, in my bedroom. Must have been 1988. I kept that cloth for years because it meant something to me. It somehow was misplaced over the years. When I say "misplaced," I think its more likely my mother found it and threw it away. My most recent piece of art was just done the day before yesterday, using the ashes of something significant that I burned...and my blood. I painted with my fingers. It was a very intense and spiritual experience for me. It was physically intense, because as you have said, I too dont necessarily enjoy the pain aspect, but it is a necessary part. It was almost like being in a trance...and there is something that is so much more valuable and special (to me) when someone literally puts a piece of themselves into their art. What I am about to say may touch on a totally different subject entirely....but to me, being an atrist is like becoming a god for a moment. You are forging a creation from your own mind's eye, making something out of nothing with only your imagination and lifeforce energy...and birthing a thought form, into existence. I see it as something that is very special. And what is more special than physically, emotionally, and spiritually emersing yourself into your creation? As you were saying, some look at self harm as a very negative thing and associate it with bad experiences. I do not cut with the same intent as I did 20 years ago, and my thoughts on cutting have definitely evolved. When I do cut in more recent days (which has become few and far between), I view it as a much more of a necessary and positive experience. Some may say "How is it positive? You must be crazy?" You can see in many world religions where people challenge physical pain. I believe the Sufi's (correct me if I am wrong) put metal rods through their cheeks as a form of obtaining focus and higher consciousness by overcomming the aspect of physical pain. Mind above matter. Pain can also be a form of self discipline. Pain can be a very valuable teacher. Regardless of why we have our own reasons for doing what we do. My hopes however is that we are all constantly taking our experiences and are learning from them, to help us grown and evolve as individuals. Thank you so much Kim for your time and sharing your thoughts and experiences with the rest of us. I find it very helpful and interesting to hear you share about yourself and your own experiences.

thanks kim you seem to be an intelligent dude...

Your videos are so calming, they've been helping me on trying to understand myself and calming down in very difficult times.

You do it better than most. Your stomach is awesome! Love your work!

9:18. more people should acknowledge this. thanks

psilocybin is a great teacher in the right mind set and setting, I us to wait weeks be for I dose so my mind is right, and most times by myself so I have no distractions...

Thank you for uploading this. I have a question, you mentioned that cutting had been meditative for you. So do you use it to connect to like nature, or just pain? Does it help you produce more meditative music? (for example songs like gratöner)

thanks for these videos Kim. one thing I'm curious on is the original cover of the Veins album, was that your arm?

damn... I had to listen to some words after reading about you in Dayal Pattersons black metal books. pretty interesting, and calming. I'm a big Xasthur fan, now I'm gonna have to dig deeper into your work with so many projects

What does the tattoo on your right hand mean. A co-worker has that tattoo on his chest. We were talking about black metal. He mentioned Lifelover and I told him to check out Hypothermia,and Life Is Pain

And this where everything related to emo movement started off

this video is very valuable, I perceive it as a kind of therapy in which I expand the boundaries of my perception, watching and listening to it before going to bed is very relaxing and lowers my anxiety level, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts in such an accessible form, it is very inspiring❤‍🩹