00:00 Intro 01:49 Counter Strike 3D 04:08 Super Mario Versão Cogumelo 06:32 Spongebob Squarepants Creature from the Crusty Crab 11:07 Super Mario Sayajin Aventura 12:57 Blood+ 16:26 Contra 4 19:08 Crash Bandicoot Mutant Island 23:19 ДИВЕРСАНТ 27:30 Garfield's Day Out 30:47 管道兄弟大冒险 34:45 Ghostbusters Ghost Trap 39:44 Half-Life 42:38 Half-Life 2 46:58 Golf Superstars 48:10 Mario Kart Movil 49:28 Megaman 52:58 Megaman 5 54:55 Ratchet & Clank Going Mobile! 57:38 Smash Bros. Dojo Yellow 59:53 Water and Water and Water Water 01:00:35 Sonic the Hedgehog 01:02:05 Sonic Unleashed 01:04:55 Soul Calibur Mobile 01:07:31 Super Monkey Ball Tip 'n Tilt 01:09:08 冒险龙神岛2012 01:11:03 愤怒的小鸟 01:13:14 永远的超级玛丽2 01:15:46 泰山妹

The way they made their money is that you'd send an SMS message and you'd think that you were just getting a game but you were secretly signing up for a subscription to receive endless rubbish _in perpetua._

"This is Mario. He's my favorite Saiyan from Tiny Toons."

My favorite part was when the shitty Megaman port was so awful it almost killed Vinny live on stream

1:03:23 "it kinda almost feels like a sonic the hedgehog game" *PROCEEDS TO CLIP INTO THE GROUND*

What's sorely missing here is Chinese Fire Emblem games. They were phenomenal. Non-existent AI paired with the story based on real historical event surrounding the decline of the Byzantine Empire - a killing combo. I don't know if they were ever translated to English, but there are like a dozen of them in Russian and even more in Chinese.

Can we just stop to appreciate that the "Mobile Phone Programming " logo that Vinny used, seems to have a screenshot of what appears to be a Rayman bowling game on one of the flip phones.

11:02 I'd like to draw your attention to the "S" in "GAMES"

43:01 Ah, yes. Captain Thomas Reed of the Black Mesa secret operations squad. The man who fought alongside the American troops against Nazi Xen. I remember him.

Hi, uploader of water and water and water water here. I just wanted to say that they original video started in the vinesauce community, so it's good to see almost a year later, it returning!

The blood+ game takes me back to being a kid and staying up watching adult swim on Saturdays

Ahh, I remember the Ratchet and Clank mobile game. I was probably one of like 15 people in real life to have played and beaten it, to get my code for the special skin in Ratchet Deadlocked.

"At least these games are not trying to steal my money".... i think you forgot all the TV ads and websites on where you had to send SMS to an expensive number in order to get the games on your phone... and in many cases you entered into a subscription service that billed you X each week or month and was hard to cancel.

I remembered the Counter Strike Java, it had an english translation and working Bluetooth multiplayer, it was fun.

42:59 This reads like the Navy Seals copypasta

The Ghostbusters game is a rip-off of a game called Magnetic Joe, where you control a magnetic ball, and you cling to/repel from various surfaces by pressing one button to reach the end of the level. It was later also released on DS, I think.

I’m amazed there were people in chat who were able to identify the language in Super Marko Versao as badly translated Portuguese and the fact it was originally in Chinese that quickly.

To be completely honest, i would love to hear Vinny on DYKG or something like that because he has a nice narrator voice. His tone and his way of speaking is just really nice to hear. Keep existing, Vinny Vinesauce Funny Italian Pasta Man. :)

41:30 Surprisingly impressive impression of Gaben

52:34 ok vinny you just pulled a Wilhelm scream there wtf

"monsters don't real"

Apart from whatever built-in game demos I have on my phones back in the day, I pretty much missed out on the entire Java phone game era, but watching this is somehow making me feel nostalgic for things I've never played

God i died when numa numa started playing alongside sonic.

That Ghostbusters rendition sounds identical to Joel's shitpost Ghostbusters theme

Gameloft are legit and did official license games

Oh wow he missed the entirety of triple a releases and more importantly the licensed games like Avatar. Some of those games are mind blowing for what they are.

42:59 So this is basically Vinny reading russian half-life fanfiction

Is that Rayman with a bowling ball on that poster

I never thought I'd hear Numa Numa Dance by Gary Brosna in a Sonic fangame for old mobile Java

I actually played Sonic Unleashed and Soul Calibur on my old flip phone back in the early 2010s when I was young, and I did enjoy those games. This was kind of nostalgic.

57:08 Right, there is supposed to be a sound when you shoot or break a box, but nothing else. The only emu that replicates that is the PSP exclusive version of the mobile emu J2ME Emulator.

That Crash game looks pretty fun,and i love the fact that they used Kenshiro's voice clips

1:02:12 I remember playing Sonic Unleashed in my Sony Ericsson W200, I never owned a PS2/3/X360/Wii to play the console versions and the J2ME version was the closest thing that I had from the game itself.

I will say one good thing about phone Java games. They don't contain ads on every single game.

if 20:54 doesn't get used as the Thwomp sound replacement in the edit then there will be consequences

That blodd+ game actually looks really good, back then phone games were really limited compared to what we have today and they did an amazing job with what they had

that second sonic game actually looked pretty competent which is surprising.

I feel like this is one step above those shitty handheld LCD games.

Ending with Lisa music over the Garfs? Mastahpiece.

27:39 This clip reminds me that I wish Vinny played LISA: The Painful

43:33 I love it when vinny breaks character 😂😭

There was a couple of Tony Hawk games on the phone. I smell a part two.

the only J2ME game i unironicaly enjoy is DOOM RPG, its seriously a hidden gem in the series.

That Garfield game really brings me back, played that game from start to finish

You should play the mobile version of Crash Of The Titans. It’s surprisingly pretty good for what it is.

Blood on Java was the fucking shit yo, I remember popping my phone and playing it in high school, hidden under the table after I finished the exercises and was doing shit all, the animation and pixel art is legit good on it.

Top 10 moments before disaster Top 1: *Do you want sound?*

That classic Java midi. Sounds lovely.

itchy on the inside with the megaman jumping is AN EXTREMELY APT DESCRIPTION

The bandicoot that warned Crash looks like a brown version of old Crash design.

I found a semi empty can of sprite but it was unopened

11:17 "Who's your favorite Tiny Toon?" "Uh... yellow-haired Mario Sayajin. From Dragon Ball Z." 19:33 Prepare yourselves, because this game is pushing the hardware to its limits. 19:40 That's right. *You get music and sounds at the same time, alongside high-quality transitions, great visuals, animations and physics.* 19:43 But, just because the game is good, doesn't mean I don't have problems with it. But the problems are mainly graphics and sound related. Except for this one. You get stopped all the time for the game to tell you something, like where the health meter is. It's Enter the Dragonfly levels of bad when it comes to the hints/ gameplay interruptions. Except Enter the Dragonfly is worse in that regard, somehow. 19:48 So... the player sprite. The spinning animation. Pretty sure it does not look like this in other Crash Bandicoot games. Though I do understand why it looks like this here. The reason: Hardware limitations. The Java phone does not support semi-transparent pixels. And since the textures used for the spinning animation in the 3D games uses Alpha transparency (which the phone doesn't support), they had to rework Crash's spinning animation to not use Alpha transparency. And that's why we have this. 19:57 And then there's the running animation. This isn't Sonic! Why did they do this? It's not even because they had to rework the running animation for the same reason as the spinning animation. Crash never (and I mean *never)* runs like this. Also, the sound effect. Every time you start running it plays an awfully compressed, out-of-place take off sound. Pretty sure that none of the other Crash Bandicoot games do this, because it can get really annoying hearing it over and over again. But besides these issues, this game is well done. 23:19 And thus the quality of the games is decreasing again. 27:53 Garfield: "Z" Thanks for those wise words, Garfield. (Also, the yellow pixels in the text bubble. And that red rectangle just... disappears entirely.) 29:18 Bubsy 3D, anyone? 30:48 Oh. Wario got the same treatment as Mario... Sayajin. 31:16 And... it's a Wario Land 4 port. Great. 31:28 Connected pipes? Nah, we don't need that. 32:12 Ah. We're doing this again. Something tells me that these people are too lazy to make a proper running animation, so they do this. None of the characters from the original games use a running animation like that, so it has to be laziness. Especially in this example, as this is just a port of Wario Land 4 and the Wario graphics are just taken from that game and edited a bit. Even lazier is the fact that *it doesn't even match at all with the sprite seen on the wall.* 32:41 So many game mechanics and the best tiling known to exist. 36:51 SMW Hack moderators' mortal enemy: Cutoff. (at the top of the screen) 37:59 *LEVEL DESIGN* Looks like you can get softlocked there. And more cutoff. 38:47 And suddenly... no music. 38:58 No invincibilizy frames. Lost 2 lives at once. 40:35 Half-Life 3: The Half-Lifest of Half-Lives *is an arena shooter* (more timestamps coming up)

Hey! Thanks for playing the pack i prepared! Im the only person that cares and loves this forgotten industry, even the shitty games. A lot of those games are very official, and id say is pretty obvious which ones. Some of the games had a framerate thing in this recording... Btw, that chinese company is everywhere. Its worse than you think. Last thing, i just wish my txt files were included, but oh well haha

Vinny getting fancy with the circle transitions.

I like how there's rayman bowling on the phone in the thumbnail lmao

Trust me, Super Mario Versão Cogumelo does not make ANY sense for us portuguese speaker as well. It feels like it was put through 1000 translators.

that spongebob game has the most uncomfortable fucking atmosphere that not even silent hill has managed to achieve

Numa numa is playing during the sonic game thats fantastic

45:40 Vinny's Gman impression is so on point it's amazing

Before Android Crust... there was an even crustier demon... legends call it... the JAVA crust.

Didnt expect to see Crash Bandicoot punch like Fist of the northstar

4:42 No idea why, but that cracked me up

Those Megaman ports are one hundred percent real, though I didn't know there was a port of MM5- I only knew about 1 through 3. Vinny must have been sent some kind of weird bootleg versions, too, judging by the intros.

my standards have been lowered just by watching this

My favorite part about the Megaman one was the "Braços" at the corner of the screen. "Braços" means "Arms", as in the body part. You can see where I'm going with this. In this case, the "dev" just threw that shit on Google Translate and called it a day.

5:07 *Zezheng* is not a Portuguese (both BR and EU) word, I guess this was dumped and re-dumped by someone at Chinese countries or even a Google Translate'd script.

4:42 Mario doesn't just "swipe", he uses the power of 『ZA HANDO』

There were Java games which used SMS-based purchases as a way to get extra lives etc., or stuff like the actual gameplay.

vinny should do some of the better games too.. or decent, like doom 2 rpg, that was pretty great, there was also some cool spyro ones

"the language is caled brazil"

That’s the best Garfield game I’ve seen.

this gave me lots of memories, I used to play most of the games u played here :')

“I don’t believe that the Werehog is a real thing, not official” Can’t tell if he knows it is indeed real or if he’s in denial that it exists

27:39 what the hell was that

I love how when Vin was playing Mega Man and trying to jump, it looked like he was dancing in time to the music. Someone should make that its own clip.

this was my whole childhood, i used to text the numbers at the back of newspapers to get some shitty games for a bunch of dollars. i remember playing worms so much.

57:52 ♫One of these things is not like the other One of these things just doesn't belong♫

oh, I remember the sonic unleashed mobile game, it was terrible :')

I seem to recall even when I COULD get games on my flip phone I preferred not to. I can see why I never bothered.

Is the karate gi actually referred to as a "kimono" occasionally, or was that just, like, a Jelly-Filled Doughnut moment?

Shouldn't the mustache be yellow too? I guess it was never real after all.

50:50 He was trying so hard to get on that ledge.

51:00 I’m going to need to watch the Mega Man part again.

My dad had a Sony Ericsson phone with a Splinter Cell demo on it which impressed me at the time. It played surprisingly well and didn't look too bad.

7:30 well, that's because you don't do Android trash anymore.

Silent Hill Mobile is actually a pretty great Java game and so was Resident Evil Degeneration (I THINK that was the name .-.) There's some weird hidden gems in Java games xD

The Super Mario Versão Cogumelo game is full of misspellings. There isn't a single sentence in that game that's written properly. I believe that game wasn't actually made in Brazil like many people think.

Blood+ has some very fluid animation for a J2ME game. Credit where credit is due.

Sliming grannies...especially ones that are already dead, is a classic pastime.

surprised there's not a doom port in there

59:53 wow, i can't believe i cameoed on a vinesauce stream

Vinny's "I dOnT KnOw WhAtS GoInG On BuT I GoTtA Go ArOuNd ToWn" lives in my head rent free

"Konami always put efforts in their games." *Laugh in Duel Links*

Idk if you read KZfaq comments or not Mr.Suace, nor do I even know if Mr.Fullsauce is Mr.Sauce or if messages are relayed to Mr.Sauce, but anywho, I actually had the official port of that megaman game on my phone in like 10th grade (parents were pissed that I bought it lmao) and played it every day in study hall and 100% beat it. amazing too because it was on a phone called the juke and it was a really skinny phone (like seriously look it up to see how skinny this thing actually was) and I was a big boy with big sausage fingers. just wanted to say thanks for unlocking a memory I totally forgot about.

01:14:56 Vinny: Remember Everyone, this isn’t Mario, this is Cowboy Paul McCree. If you PUT The Character in a cowboy outfit, It’s legally distinguishable.

The bluetooth function on the CS 3D game did actually work. It was honestly impressive for mobile gaming at the time

I remember feeling so cool playing Guitar Hero on my phone

Java games unironically were my first introduction to Nintendo games series like mario and zelda, and the fool me eventually learnt they have another consoles beside the NES ones (for context, playstation consoles sold like hot cakes at least where I come from during 00s, so kids here and also me barely exposed with nintendo related stuff up until they become mainstream again during the peak of Wii era). Cant forget that moment I binged playing a reskin Zelda game with Minish Cap's sprites, which is quite impressive and polished for a java game imo.

A chinese bootleg/rip/port of Wario Land 4!? Now that's something new! I wonder if there is a rom file or something else to play it...

That bat enemy in the super Mario game is the devil bat from eyeshield 21