So thrilled to have found you! also listening to Comma on audible..loving it. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I feel so lucky to have found this channel honestly such an amazing energy!!

Late to the party with this comment- but a testament to the effect of this vlog- it was published at the perfect time for me to see what you shared in plain sight. Since then, I have been able to reflect on it as a middle aged woman- without children, but working in environments where I witnessed the types of things you shared. As a current PhD student little snips of your voice from this vlog pop into my head as I consider 'balance' in my life and future career- even the choices I make as I work and study. Out of all your vlogs I put this one on the podium- pure gold. Thank you for continuing to put the issues out there- I wish I could be as bold! You are gold!

I love the ending; powerfully awakening - "I believe we have a responsibility, to lead in a different way - to create those spaces where men and women can make choices... we have such a short time on the planet; let's make it relevant, let's make it resonate."

You have no idea how much your vlogs changed my perspectives in academic, and even life. I pray for you whenever I see a video. I heard you talking about horrid students that gave you hard times, being called names at some occasions.Yet you are still this humble angel who makes useful videos and always drops their professor title when they refer to themselves. Prof. Tara, words fail me to express my admiration to how human you are in this terrible time we are living. Bless you now ...and then.

I m women and Phd Scholar expecting my 1st baby .... Tara u hv given me courage to cross d line

Great topic and insights, Tara, as always. Thanks! I think to begin with, everyone needs to define their own "it all" and not allow society dictate what that is. What that might mean to one person might differ with another. I personally do not want the kind of soul destroying workplace or career described in this video. That, to me, would be 'gaining the whole world and losing my soul.' My values are very different to the ones portrayed by the 'having it all' culture.' What is of importance to me is living congruent with my values and fulfilling my purpose. This defines my "it all." I pursue my career goals living authentically, in alignment with my values and purpose. Which means that some of the things people traditionally covet are things I actively avoid. And some of the things I pursue may not make sense by traditional thinking. I think it's time women began defining their own "it all" and going for that instead. Much more soul-satisfying than pursuing the world's view of success.

Fantastic vlog. Thank you Tara.

Bravo, Tara. Made me in full tears of respect and admiration of your leadership. Thank you so much for sharing your insight!

Interesting analysis of a 'sensitive' subject...very insightful. I always enjoy watching your vlogs. Keep up the good work.

Thank you very much for sharing great insights!

Fantastic, thought provoking vlog, thanks Tara! I started later in life with academia and have slowly come to terms with realizing I can't have it all. As you say, it's making the choices with the best information available at the time, and then being accountable for those choices. However much you do, there's always more to do. Keeping perspective of what's important, somehow, so not permitting that perspective to be skewed too far, does help. Thanks for providing today's space.

That was a much-needed vlog, and I was really looking for an honest account of academia from a female point of view. Thanks a lot Tara!

Thank you for sharing this Tara. I am in a situation where I am struggling to find a reason not to leave my institution because of so many inconsistency in HR policies.

Thank you💕 🔥 💕

Great topic.

A friend of mine wanted to fly from Europe to the US for an academic workshop, and asked for a grant from the Women's Support Initiative at her university in order to be able to put her daughter, whom she was taking with her, in daycare on the American campus. Her request was denied, because, as she was told, they give grants to support women and not their children (as if a woman is ever separate from her children, and as if her children do not impact her ability to work 🤦‍♀️)

Hry Tara, amazing Vlog as always. I find that there is an interesting interaction between personal choice and social structure in "Having it all". Personal relationships can clearly help out in equalizing the level of personal achievement between two people. But because of the nature of successful work right now the positions that partners take in relationships are often binary. One can't expect two partners to move around all the time, and spend the minimum possible time together and have a traditionally successful home life, this mainly concerns "reproductive" couples. In the IT space, much of what you talked about with digitization of long-distance work has been implemented in the last 10 years (mainly for purely economic reasons, as sending a couple of messages in Slack and moving a task around in a task management app costs considerably less than plane tickets and conference rooms). Bourree Lam wrote an interesting article on The Atlantic called "The Wasted Workday" tackling how unrealistic expectations keep workers glued to their desks instead of actually doing work and going home. This is why we have KPIs and targets! those are what counts, not how many hours the office stays open. Maybe if we moved from an Hour based economy to a target based economy that protects time, many of the issues plaguing men and women in academia and competitive work environments could get fixed. Or else the lie we are thought, that we can be whatever we want in life and be happy keeps being that, a lie.

Thank you for this lovely video. I really appreciate it. I love your channel. Am a full time PhD. student with 2 small kids, and I am also building my handmade business of natural skincare. It is so hard. the hardest is that my husband works shifts and thus I have to work shifts...that is I don't stable sleeping and waking times, or eating times etc. And this is very tiring! Any tips anyone? Many thanks.

I used to play your vlogs in a loop during Metro Manila commutes. I guess, this one is too heart wrenching for me to include in the playlist because of all the facts pointed out. I am crying over my ALL now... But I hope that here after, my ALL are truly products or consequences of my choices, not just thrusted on to me.

Hi Tara, always great to listen to you on the educative vlogs. I'm just curious - at one point you believed that siring babies is a threat to the world/environment; do you still hold to that position?

I find women are far more critical of each other and this saddens me as there is no need to be so competitive bec we do indeed all have choices and we shouldn't have to feel we make up the deficit for those who try to have it all who then criticise those who have made choices not too. Females like myself are seen as abnormal for not having kids through choice and then criticised when we don't support those who do and who can't manage their jobs and simply expect us to pick up what they can't do. Single career women have a far harder time than those who do have kids in my view as we are viewed as some kind of androgynistic freak.