My ex did (does) this. He lied to everyone in his "circle" and then worked very hard to keep specific people separate. His biggest fear was those people "comparing notes" and having his carefully stacked card house of lies come crashing down. Exactly what happened after I went full Nancy Drew on his lying ass. I met the other woman for coffee. We talked for 3 hours.

My father loved doing this and it really ruined my relationship with my sisters. To this day we're still working on healing from that but I honestly don't think we're ever gonna be able to undo the damage.

Everytime I'm told what someone else has said about me, I immediately go ask if there is truth to what I was told and I also tell that person who said it to me.

My mother does this role like the Queen of toxic, she's very talented.

My step sister always did this 🙃 if she found herself in a group of three, she always had a favorite and she always had a pig. I was normally the pig, the mule. I did what she wanted or else she manipulated me, told false stories about me to my family, physically hurt me, or put me down emotionally.

This is why its important to go no contact, or at least never be alone with them. Remove the option of, "They said/did this."

I honestly didn't realize that I did this, if one friend said something to me that they wouldn't say to another friend, often about the other friend... and the next time I hang with the other friend, I felt compelled to tell them what was said. I guess I convinced myself I was helping them KNOW what the other person REALLY thought about them because I would want that for myself if someone was talking about me, I rationalize 😢 I have struggled with having close friendships ,my whole life, I've been in therapy since I was 10, but I am learning more by watching your content than 30 years of therapy! 😅

That is a tormenting & heart breaking situation which happened to me. My Ex manipulated & turned my 3 beautiful sons against me while I battled fibromyalgia & leukemia, move ou with legal separation, followed by the following years in and out of hospital for transplant, and Ex still harassed me with our sons. Toppes with a bonus of PTSD 💔😭 My Life has been destroyed and a nightmare. Such an evil demonic mental disorder. 👺👹

My step father and my best friends favorite tactics

Triangulation is also extremely damaging to anyone but especially children💔

I've known numerous women who do this. Never knew there was a word for it, though.

My sister was my best friend my entire life. We had issues with our mother our whole lives. My sister raised me. No doubt about it. We chose to have no contact with our mother and that lasted about ten years. Until we were at our brothers wedding and we started talking again. Now….my mother has manipulated my sister and me to such a degree that we no longer talk. And I still don’t know why. My mother has played the victim since I can remember and she’s said something that’s made my sister not speak to me. What’s annoying is my sister knows what our mother is like, given we both didn’t speak to her for a decade for the same reason. But suddenly my mothers word is trustworthy and mine isn’t. I’m yet to find out what my mother has said to ruin this relationship I had with my sister. Neither of them will tell me. Said I already know….families man. You can’t live with them, then don’t.

Omg I grew up with someone who'd steal from people and frame me (or other kids) to make herself more popular/a better person. She was so psycho

In transactional analysis it's called "let's you and him fight."

Thank you.

It can also be pulling someone or something into an argument that may or may not want to be there, like- everyone things that about you OR my mother also said that you were being really disrespectful etc I think it can also sometimes have a positive effect like- she told me she thinks you're a really good and kind person, i think anyone would love to hire you, you're awesome! It can be a thing, like- you even used a chair to hit me with (that's how bad you are!) I love the topic of triangulation!

There was a whole MLP episode where the boss was manipulating all his employees like this so he they wouldn’t leave his business and he could pay them less

I feel like I'm put in this situation with my sibling and parents so I never know whats true at this point

I’m pretty sure 2 people tried to do this to me at the same time

so now I realize my ex... didn't just stop at the cheating... he would always go between my mom and I, doing this exact thing 😮‍💨🙄🙄

Dude my best friend and I discovered a friend of mine did this to us when we were kids. She was jealous of my friendship with Bonnie (my best friend since 3rd grade) and do Julia fabricated an entire loe that Bonnie hated me and was trying to create a 'Clara haters club'.. this caused so much tension between Bonnie and I for years. But eventually we moved on and stayed friends. Fast forward to our 30's and Julia no longer speaks to me or her parents because her parents celebrated my 30th birthday with me. (Background: Julia now lives in Copenhagen (we live in the states) and had her first kid over covid. Her parents couldn't visit because health issues and COVID. And Julia is 10 days older than me.) So she was mad that they spent my birthday with me... I live 7 minutes away... she lives over an entire ocean... 😅😅 uhhh there's a big difference!! Anyways. The discovery of who Julia really is took me from 6years old to 32 years old to finally realize who she is. And it's sad. I still care for her. But I'd never trust her for anything again.

I have a female classmate and I suspect she’s trying to triangulate me and a friend of mine. I guess you can say we’re the two most popular guys in the class and she immediately started flirting with me and I kind of fell for her, however since I was in a relationship already with an exgf that had BPD and perhaps traits of ASPD I was much more aware of the kind of behavior people with personality disorders display, so I was very cautious even though she was overtly flirtatious with me. Good thing I trust my instincts now, because I began to notice she would really try and befriend different men in the class and was overly touchy with them as well. She would try and make friends with the good looking men and the most charismatic or popular. She admitted once that she had no female friends, and it’s true, another woman tried to join our friend group and at first she would try and discourage it, I suspect now she kind of accepted it once she felt the girl wasn’t a threat to what it was she was trying to do. We all had a group outing and that’s when I figured what it was she was doing, the day before I heard from other classmates that she was being very handsy with my buddy and the day we all went out she immediately shot him down as I was there. She tried to get my attention so hard, often times I would ignore her because I understood her games. She even got jealous when I went to speak to a server about having them switch our tables, even though I was personable she told me that I was being flirty with the server, she didn’t like that one bit and immediately began flirting with my buddy, it seemed as she was trying to punish me just for speaking to the pretty server. She even told me that the girl really liked me because she flipped her hair (or something like that), i noticed that every time I would talk to a woman she would be quick to subtly criticize me in front of everyone even though her and I were just friends. She absolutely loves being the center of attention around the men, but I refuse to play that game and usually just stay away and ignore. As soon as my buddy leaves she immediately gravitates towards me and tries to flirt or gets overtly sexual in her conversations. Then when my friend comes back, she reverts back to her usual self. I have distanced myself a bit from the group, however I noticed that she’s trying to get me, her and my buddy alone from the group and once even subtly hinted of a threesome. I’ve caught this woman boldly lying a handful of times, even tried gaslighting me once in front of my friends. She keeps trying to have us 3 hang out, however when this happens I always tell her that I’m not sure with my busy schedule or I’ll immediately try and invite others. I just have to wait till the school semester is up before I can completely separate myself.

My ex's side gf did this to my ex and I. They are both toxic and belong together imo

It can involve more. I saw 3 women going at it over a guy.

'Flying monkeys', the rest of the mean girl gang.

My mom and aunts did this to me and my brother growing up and as adults During my healing journey I've gone no contact, my brother has not Its one of the best decisions I've made my entire life.

Wow! I'm suprised my mother missed this in her line up of greatest hits though she did transfer golden child status to when a younger one came along so it had the same effect

Triangulation is a "tool" that's used by very messed up people to engage in alienation of affection of ANY 2 or more close bonds. It's step 1 in meddling, betrayal, infliction of pain, confusion, chaos, negative emotions and leaves permanent holes in relationships. The axe forgets- the tree remembers!!!

My mother let a toxic friend move in and they lost their mind because they couldn’t pit us against each other, since we discuss things pretty clearly and are very blunt people.

My mother in-law! Don't worry my husband agrees

Oh shoot! I used to do that with my friends when I was younger! 😬😔 But I KNOW my Mom used to do that with me and my Dad. She hated that I was more like my Dad. And she would outright cause the strife right in front of us!

My dad and mum

😢

My father excelled at this. If not for the grace of God my sister & I wouldn’t have a relationship. Seriously.

My mom af

girlfriend.. my son... parent. she has totally triangulated us ...😭

So uh... may have kinda done that unintentionally. Hmm. Welp.

I'm a bit confused. Are two people who have teamed up against me doing it because of my empathy, or is it just a narcissist playing both of us so that we fight each other, giving the narcissist all the attention?

Is this something that can happen in young children (8-10)

The goal of triangulation is to locate the position of an object of interest by using the radius of three points around that said object. If you know the distance from each point in the triangle around what your looking for, then drawing circles with a radius of those lengths will give you a picture of where your object is. Typically used with cellular devices.