For sure, it doesn't matter if you're the kindest sweetest person and have an environment with no stresses some kids are just going to have reactions. The whole process is stressful to them, if they act out in fear it's usually not cause of *you* it's cause they're just going through it and haven't had the ability to learn healthy ways of releasing it. Some adults in general take it as a personal attack, it's so important to understand they're just kids trying.

Goblin guy!! What's up?

@@defectiveaffectthat goes for all kids, trauma or not. Adults tend to expect children to have impulse control, perfect emotional regulation, expectations that the adult would never impose on themselves or another adult bc perfection isn’t possible all the time. Even the most regulated person might show their emotions sometimes. Expecting children to not express their emotions is abusive yet it’s fairly commonplace in society today. I was often praised for my trauma response (people pleasing…which came out as being very quiet and following all the rules that I knew of for that setting/situation). Because this was masking for me, it caused me even more trauma . I was violently traumatized by my own brain and also trauma from adults in my life but I was being praised for it. Which, you guessed it, more trauma. I felt like shit but I was a good kid ya know. I’m just now unpacking it at nearly 30

@@defectiveaffectI always think of kids like tiny unregulated adults meaning you can converse with them on an intelligent but age appropriate level but don’t expect emotional maturity, perfect empathy, etc. Because of this, they need extra care and attention but eventually they will be more mature. For example, my brother is 12. He has been buying and fixing cars since he was 7. He maintains the neighbor’s road and sometimes snow blows their driveways for money. It’s super easy to forget he isn’t older because all his hobbies are that of an adult. Sometimes he can unfairly expected to be emotionally mature. He truly rivals most adult men in terms of his work ethic, what he accomplishes. For example, we all went fishing with my uncle. Uncle was expecting typical fishing with an 8 yr old experience but the boy out fished all of us, start to end. (I made my brother bait my hooks too lol). Sorry I’m very proud of him I always get carried away

goblin guy why are you everywhere

That is so true. It doesn't always have to be about abuse or neglectment.

My 7 week old twins were taken 8 weeks ago because my 7 year old daughter accidentally bonked one on the head and she had a very light bruise. I didn't know, because my daughter was too scared to say anything, so because when I showed the Dr and it was unexplained they immediately called it abuse and head trauma! After some sessions in therapy, my 7 year old was brave enough to tell us she accidentally hit her while shaking a rattle and said she didn't cry, but she didn't want to get in trouble. Then when she saw everyone in our family absolutely distraught when they were taken, she was scared and felt like thst was her fault. The only good thing to come out of this horror show, was the foster mom's who ended up with the twins. We're beyond close now, they were so so kind and love all my kids, especially the twins, like they're own! They knew I didn't do anything to hurt or neglect my children. I hate that this happened, but I'm so glad to have 2 new family members who love my girls, in our lives! They still haven't been paid, so everything they've bought the twins, they've paid for out of pocket! Tons of diapers, wipes, special formula they're on, clothing from newborn to 6-9 months which they'll be giving me, 2 infant car seats and double stroller and they even bought their first Halloween costumes and teeny gold bracelets with their names ingraved! We have court, team meetings, meetings with the gal, the twins had special hearing tests, other appts, they have OT every week for feeding issues, they're up at night with gas, we have visits 6 days a week. It's sooo much more than you think! It's the scariest thing I've ever been through and they're the reason I'm getting through it. When the worker doesn't respond, Liza helps me, she schedules everything so I can be there too, she tries her best to catch everything in pictures and video and it kills her when they do something new and I'm not there. She let's me have visits in her home, something she'd never done before, let's me bring laundry because I pay for laundry at home, I bring her 7 year old my daughter's clothes she's grown out of and we swap recipes and text all day when we're not together. At first I resented her a bit, obviously, this wasn't fair, I'd only had my babies home 5 weeks after 2 weeks in the nicu after they were born early. But this has nothing to do with them, all they did was give their lives to be there for people like me and I can honestly say they love my girls as much as I do! We had to bring one of the twins to the Dr because she was constipated and seemed to have some virus, but we didn't now what. My baby was crying all night, couldn't be consoled and when she pooped in the Dr's office we cried together from happiness that hopefully she'd have some relief. They're amazing people, just amazing and they treat me with such kindness, empathy and respect, when you don't get much of that in my situation. I really didn't do anything and she saw that from the beginning. Everyone sees it now and I can tell they feel bad, like my worker, the kids gal and the lawyers, I have Dr's, nurses and therapists on my side, but I still have to wait 4 more weeks for court. They make it bearable, knowing my babies are safe and so loved when I can't be there. I'm sorry to anyone else going through this, I didn't think it was possible to lose your kids over something thst YOU pointed out, that you couldn't see unless you shone a flashlight on the area, that you could be called a child abuser, when you're a great mom, I'm my older kids class mom, plan field trips, chaperone, have a spotless home, my kids are fed good, healthy meals, I cook and bake with them, we color and play games, do scavenger hunts, go hiking. I don't drink or use drugs, no police involvement, not even a traffic ticket, I babysit all my friends and family's kids to this day my kids friend's have sleepovers because everyone knows I'm a great parent and person. It's scary, be careful out there, always put your kids first.

​@@kaykanut8778I don't mean to speak over your lived experience, but doesn't it usually take more than a single bruise to have children taken away, especially infants? Taking 7 week olds with special health needs away from home is a big deal, let alone keeping them out of the home for such a long time. The CPS system is so overburdened that I just have a hard time believing that they removed two infants for a self-reported bruise. Are you sure this is the whole story?

@@gianna322 I've been a foster carer for nearly year in the UK. Unexplainable bruises on babies are looked into, as babies are classed as not being able to be mobile enough to cause bruise especially at 7 weeks old. A bruise on the head a doctor would suspect Shaken baby syndrome. Now a toddler and upwards who are mobile and have any sudden bruises it can be argued they did it from say a fall for example.

@gianna322 I understand where you are coming from but, sadly, big bureaucratic organisations often do not employ common sense. It will also depend on the location and severity of the injury (weirdly, minor injuries are normally a bigger red flag than major ones), the vulnerability of the child (a newborn will be very high risk) and how the child was when they were examined. If the child was lethargic, it's difficult to determine why. It could be because it's nap time and they're at the doctor's instead of sleeping, but as babies can't talk, they can't tell us, and many medical and social care professionals don't want to get it wrong and miss a potential ab-se case. Many know that, if they miss a case, they could lose their job and the child could lose their life. Inquiries into ab-sed children who have died as a result of their injuries often involve parents who come across as lovely, but are covering their crimes. As a result, it can be *really* difficult to know who to trust - no matter how small the injury or how nice the parents seem. @jodiebryant2409 is absolutely right. Certain injuries, which look like nothing to the untrained eye, can be indicative of particularly nasty acts - especially any wounds on the head or near any orifice. I work in A&E/the ER and I wish I could say these cases are rare, but they're not. Problem is, we have to "go through the motions" and tick off every investigative angle - otherwise we end up with another Victoria Climbie or Baby P (cases that make us Brits shudder).

I hope it all worked out for you. What a tough situation. Glad you were placed with safe, good people, as you deserved.

I couldn’t imagine how scary that would be, I’m glad you got a good one

sometimes kids arent put into caring homes, they can be put into a home where they’re rarely fed and abused.

​@@GAMZEE_MAKARA..yes thats why they said "people like you" specifically

@@GAMZEE_MAKARA... Definately, kids don’t need to feel like left overs

I'm still perplexed at the comments I've been reading about elementary school kids taking overnight trips. That was not a thing for me in the 90s and is not a thing for my kids now. It just doesn't seem right to me. As a parent, if that was a thing here, I'd say no way...

@@Noname24675 That must be a cultural difference. Where I live, it is part of the school curriculum, starting in primary school (or "kindergarten" for the American English speakers). The first trips are just to a destination no more than half an hour away and if the kids becomes too homesick, the parents come and get them. The general idea is that children are provided safe environments in which they learn how to travel independently. By the time they are teenagers, it's quite common to go to another country with your school. It's funny, I've never thought about this before. It's really common on my country and I'm guessing in most European countries. EDIT: I really appreciate these kinds of comments where you get to know other cultures and learn sth about your own at the same time. Thank you for the insight! :)

​@@cesbiThat kinda feels like overkill. Most kids will react fine to residential trips at an appropriate age. Seems like it risks upsetting a bunch more children in an attempt to help the outliers.

@@AbiSaysThings Again, this is a cultural difference. (I'm assuming that you are US American?). In my country and many others, it is completely normal and the children very much love it. Think week-long slumber party. Travelling is an integral part of many people's everyday life and it is natural to us to start early. Also, school trips to other countries are important to get to know people our own age in other cultures, which in turn is important to keep the peace between those countries. If you have friends in another country, you're less likely to wanna start a w ar with them.

​@@cesbiI'm with you. I'm American, and we started having school sponsored overnights in middle school. In college I was actually required to take a travel class and to go on a school trip as part of my honours credits

I have DID and I wonder if that’s what you’re referring to. Sending you and your husband lots of love.

Yes you’re so right! There are different needs and everyone can do something. My husband and I have been able to participate in different ways and it’s had to change from full time fostering to respite care/short term placements, mentoring aging out youth, or supporting other foster parents with needs like delivering dinner, diapers, babysitting, etc. We can all pitch in some way that is helpful! ❤

Bless you for your kind and loving spirit !

I would love to foster emergency babies and children. I am single with two doggies so I have plenty of time.

I was in emergency placement in a foster home after running from a boarding school (troubled teen industry). It was only a couple days but they were lovely!

This was an amazing explanation. My first thought was for the children who grow up in environments that are highly stressful through no fault of their own (poverty etc) and even in a loving family, the rest of the environment and stress on the fetus invitro (because of mom's stress).physically alters brains. It truly explains many of the negative behaviors we see in young adults who were raised in less than ideal environments.

I'm not sure about hubby but I believe Laura has a job where she has the flexibility to work from home.

Dangerous equipment, possibly volatile children around large unpredictable animals, ridiculous hours of work in order to accommodate for bad/good weather, distance from doctors, schools, social workers making travel difficult.... I absolutely understand why foster care might not be feasible for an actual farmer.

@@anzot6903 I wonder if you asked a bunch of kids in a group home how many of them would rather live in a group home or a farm - how many of them would choose the farm ? Especially if they could be with sibling(s). As a MSW I wouldn’t mind driving to a rural area to see children that are in my case load. Just because someone lives in a rural area doesn’t mean they wouldn’t make good foster parents and help keep the children safe or educated I know tons of farmers and they are mostly good people.

​@@PatS.1976Did you read their comment? Working farms are dangerous places for children. Fine if there's a stay at home parent and one who works on the farm, but if they both work on the farm and are out in the fields all day, potentially without phone signal, that's not great. And large animals on farms are unpredictable and can kill farmers, never mind a kid who's run into the barn because they're struggling. It's not like a petting farm, and children may be unsafe

​@@lilyfox313 exactly, working farms are a business, not a playground. It's not that farmers are automatically bad foster parents, they just might not have the time to care for kids/more kids, especially during harvest season.

Do you fully grasp how hard farming families work? Depending on their type of farm, they can be at it from before dawn to dusk with barely time to grab lunch in there somewhere. If livestock, there is a lot more that goes into their care than feeding. If crops, there are always issues to cope with in regard to field and equipment maintenance. Harvesting is a 12-16hr job for days on end in some cases. While foster children growing up on a farm sounds good, true working farmers (meaning those who produce for commercial gain, not to imply only commercial farmers work) simply lack the time resources needed to attend school or social worker meetings, coordinate medical and therapy appointments, or even just read to the kids for 10-15min. There are a lot of farmers on KZfaq who create content to show the reality of farming. Unfortunately it would not be the right environment. Part-time farmers or Homesteaders? Sure. A good example is The Walker Farm Family. They are a Christian couple who farm but both have jobs away from the farm. They fostered to adopt three children and are an actively available foster home for others. They grow food and raise livestock for their own consumption, not as a commercial enterprise. Still, they are busy.