true but some mental hospitals are scarier than what the movies depict lbh. my stay at a mental hospital was horribly traumatic.

I never realized that me planning my own death was not normal until she actually verbalized it, my mind isn't where it needs to be I need help

Girl you were the best roommate. I love this video because I shared this experience with you and I heard your opinion on me as a roommate. I really hope we can start talking again. I still meditate the way you taught me. It really helps. I miss you❤️

mental hospitals way back in the day were traumatic and awful , that's why in scary movies they are potrayed as horrible because they once were .

I would NOT recommend suicide hotline to anyone ever. I've had multiple awful experiences one where the woman would not stop talking about how I just needed Jesus in my life and how I would be better if I did, and another time a man basically told me my feelings for being depressed and suicidal were invalid. Both times I told them I was feeling better, thanked them, and hung up just wanting to die more. I also posted about these experiences on a Facebook forum and to my surprise I was not the only one who had had awful experiences that just made me more mentally unstable. DO NOT CALL SUICIDE HOTLINE.

my parents don't take my anxiety seriously. I literally have panic attacks and they don't think that it's a real mental problem, like wtf

My first night in a mental hospital, I was in a room with an older woman. She refused to take her medication and had to be forcefully injected while I sat outside the room crying. :(

well the facility i was admitted to was creepy af. like the Bryce hospital if you know what that is. just like the movies with bars on the window, prison wire fences, beds bolted to the floor, people screaming and being tranquilized and all kinds of bs. i behaved like the nice little girl that i am so i could get tf out of there.

I was admitted last year when I was 14, all the others were 15-18 so I was the youngest and they were all smoking and didnt talk to me. I was diagnosed with anorexia with a BMI of 14.6. I was only allowed to go outside for 15 min per day and I hated it. I would be crying all day and no one there really knew how to treat anorexics because everyone had depression or problems at home. So I changed hospitals and i totally changed my mindset and the new hospital made me really wanna get better. I stayed there 3 months, got out and never went back;)

you are glowing baby ily

I have severe anxiety problems and because of that I'm afraid to ask for help because I feel like people will think I'm just saying that for attention.

I wanna go to a therapist but I feel like I can't even trust them either...

When I went to the mental hospital I was depressed, like I couldn't function, talking wasn't something I could do. My parents took me to the regular hospital. The doctors lied to my parents on how the mental hospital would be set up, visiting, how things would work,etc. first night there was terrifying for me the first thing I heard was a girl crying because her mom didn't visit because it was her birthday. It felt like a jail. Shower night was hell, my shower had no curtain and the shower head was messed up and get everything wet. The nurses were horrible, one day I was crying that I would never go back to my old school, or see my friends( which was true, till this day I still very miss them ) one of the nurses took me into a room and just when off on me, yelling at me to shut up and grow up (I was 11) getting in my face, something you shouldn't do to a dangerous depressed child. Till this day I get triggered from little things. It's been hard for me after, and it's a struggle to get over my visits

I went to a mental hospital because I was in a psychosis. I was hallucinating, heard voices REALLY STRONGLY, I was super manic I couldn't stay in one spot, I was doing and saying really bazaar things, didn't eat sleep or drink anything for a week and didn't care about hygiene at all... I remember some of it but a lot of it I don't

In April I was taken into a mental hospital. While I was there I was alone with my thoughts. I cried every single day anytime I could. I hated it there and if anything it was eye opening on how much sadder I could be and if I had stayed there any longer I would have probably tried to smuggle something in and kill myself (this was beyond me because I am a very good kid and a follower). The girls there were all terrible and selfish. They all fought and before I even went into the area where we were all kept (almost like animals, actually) I was told by a kind nurse to NOT MAKE FRIENDS. Lucky for me, I got the "Alpha" of the whole place as my roommate. The room was quite small and all we had was a really small bed and a shelf where we kept our stuff. The bathroom was just a curtain surrounding a toilet, shower, and a sink. All we really did there was sit in this lobby room and I would just read because it was the only thing that kept me from my own thoughts. Being there, I never received medicine and didn't talk to any doctors. On visiting days I would just cry for the hour my mom was allowed to talk to me. I BEGGED her to get me out of there. Eventually, my mom gave in and begged the secretary to allow her to see a doctor because she didn't think I was suitable to be there. That same day I was allowed to leave, thank god. I beg anyone to not hurt themselves. There are so many worse things in life and I'm happy I experienced this first-hand because when I left I have NEVER thought of actually attempting suicide since then, and I have had these thoughts since 6th grade. If you took all the time to read this, thank you. I honestly hated it there and I might sound very whiny, but it was just the most dullest experience which left me even more depressed. PLEASE reconsider.

My cousin tried to commit suicide by jumping of the balcony but thank god my aunt saved her..she has been in a mental hospital since then...she has had depression for years now so please don't do anything crazy..seek out for help you matter,you are not alone❤

Thank you so much for sharing your story.

You should've titled this "my mental hospital experience", not "what mental hospitals are really like" because not all mental hospitals are the same. And you're talking about your experience.

Omg your hair, your brows, your lips, omggggg you're so pretttyy

you kinda remind me Mulan

thank you for opening up about your experience!

I respect you so much

to see someone who suffered so much transform into this spiritual, happy minded, positive so alive and present being really inspires me, thank you so much

"it never hurts to keep looking for sunshine"-Eeore

Yeah... see in October I was in the ER because of a panic attack and I was threatening to kill myself. I never wanted to kill myself... but I did want people to take me seriously. I am struggling and I'm not okay and if someone doesn't help me I'm scared that I will kill myself. And I had a nurse a doctor and psychiatrist ask me all those same questions. And it was really scary, For me because I didn't want my emotions to take over me.

I've been having suicidal thoughts for a while but I most likely would never do any of them, should I still ask for help?

I was an inpatient for two weeks when I was 14 and it was quite an experience. Nothing like the movies. But I learned so much about myself. There was one nurse who helped me so much. She made me feel so safe and helped me to understand my trauma. The actual doctors were total pill pushers and I didn't feel like they gave me the attention that I needed. But since I was suicidal and thought often about hurting others, the experience was necessary and I believe it saved my life. just knowing that there were other people out there just like me helped so much. I learned a lot about self care and respect and the experience has inspired me to work in a field to help those like me at that age. I will soon be 20 and I'm planning on earning a degree in dietetics to help those with a negative relationship with food. That year was just a stepping stone to finding my life's purpose. I just want to say, anyone who is going through a rough time, things really do get a lot better. I remember how much I hated hearing that when I was younger. And I honestly still do sometimes. But it's become something that I tell myself and truly believe. A few years ago I was homeless, suicidal, wildly depressed, failing all of my classes and I had no friends. Now I'm almost done earning my first degree, I have food in my stomach, and a fresh relationship with god (the universe, everything around us) I never thought I'd make it this far but here I stand, knowing that healing is not linear 💕

To be honest, mental hospitals don't really help in my opinion. It's too controlled, and it feels like you're in a prison and that they strip away everything from you so that you're not a person. I just don't see what really helps about that. Everyone I saw there was miserable, because they were kept away from loved ones, and there was nothing to do most of the day. It was just a horrible experience, and I wouldn''t recommend it to anyone. I'd recommend outpatient therapy a lot more than that. And even if it somehow does help someone for a bit, I've heard so many people relapse shortly after being released or end up back in there.

can you do a storytime on your high school academic life? like how you did so well despite everything and why was it so important to you?

I have scars when i used to cut myself when i was 17, now in 25, but i don't feel confident wearing short sleeve shirt , cause i don't want people asking me why i have this scars, idk anybody has this problem ? Any advice?

I was admitted to the psych ward (around here) when I was 14. It was terrifying and horrible (in my opinion) because a lot of the people around me were much more mentally ill than me. A lot of time it was loud and scary because the other people were hallucinating and very angry so they were always having outbursts, and obviously there were no locks on any doors so I was very paranoid. Do not ever feel afraid to speak up and talk about your problems. Suicide should not be seen as the only option, it shouldn't even be an option. Things do get better. People love you. You matter. And I'm so glad you spoke about your experience, it makes people like me and many others feel not so alone, thank you

I just wish I had more people to be friends with I can talk to about my depression 😔

Thank you for making this video and sharing your story. Not many people are able to talk freely about it and help others at the same time. It is really inspiring to see how much someone can grow despite the struggles. You are so inspiring and i wish you much happiness and peace on your journey! xo

the first time I saw the title of this video I became very anxious, but I clicked it out of curiosity and just to see how I would react to it (my fault, hitomi is an angel and I love her) and subsequently had a panic attack. since then I have been having a mild manic episode (again, that is on me, not on anyone else) (as in it is the fact that i have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, not that I chose to be manic) anyway.......,,,, I stayed at an inpatient hospital for two nights, and they likely the most traumatic nights of my life. I don't want this comment to scare anyone from accepting inpatient treatment, but if you decide to, PLEASE DO AS MUCH RESEARCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN, or ask somebody to research it for you. the hospital I went to was three hours away, in the middle of nowhere. It was old, older than everyone who worked there. It was dark and it was terrifying. the doctor put everyone on the same medication, but most importantly there has been 8 assaults and one sexual assault that had been recorded there (just in 2011), and nobody warned me or my mother. my psychiatrist at home has also had patients who were assaulted there. although I was not assaulted, I barely ate, was taken off my medication overnight (pristiq/lamictal) and never even received any treatment whatsoever. please please please be careful, and if you have the choice of what hospital to go to please choose wisely. If I could erase the whole experience, I would. afterwards I needed to go to therapy twice a week just to deal with everything that happened while I was hospitalized.

Guys ur confused The mental hospital is the good thing The mental Asylum is the insane thing seen in movies

I struggled with major depressive disorder. I really appreciate that you took the time out of your day to make this video. Last year was such a growing year for me. I was in and out of mental acute centers 12 different times. Until finally I got intense counseling. They decided I needed to be away from my family for awhile. I was then sent to a group home. I was there for 4 months. They released me because I was a reliability. I wasn't really treated well by the girls there. I continued to have suicidal thoughts. I was only home a week before they decided I needed to go to a residential facility. At the time I was scared, and I didn't want to go there. I was at this facility for 6 months, but I got the help I needed. I am so thankful for this place because it really helped me. Thank you for posting this and making this video. It always gets worse before it will ever get better.

so brave to share an experience like this publicly, and as someone who's been hospitalized before it's great to see people discuss this stuff with candor like this. props

the information you put out for people on here is honestly so inspirational 👌 love you!!

I'm finally staring therapy to sort out my issues this was a really helpful video 👍

is it just me or you remind me of mulan

i love girl interrupted holy shit

so obsessed with your videos lately lovee

It's amazing to see people that have been through hard times seem so happy and free. It really does show that life gets better ❤️

Thank you for sharing this, I've been to those dark places myself and am thankful to have not given up and have grown to realize how beautiful this life is, it takes so much courage to seek help and change doesn't happen over night but we all deserve to be happy whether we need some external help or not 💕

I've just recently found your channel and I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT I LOVE YOU AND IK IM NEW AND ALL BUT I REALLY LOVE YOU AND, JUST, BE HAPPY

There's something so enchanting about the way you talk. I didn't realize I've been watching you for half an hour.

thank you for posting this! i find this really idk comforting after recently being hospitalized for similar reasons. also u are just so lovely :)

My brother is in a mental hospital. My parents don't really love him anymore. I want to get help and go to a hospital, but I'm afraid that they'll not love me anymore. They told me that if I pull something like that, they won't talk to me ever again and they'll abandon me. I don't know what to do at this point. 😞 I don't know how to get help. Someone please just tell me what to do.

I'm currently going through the same situation you went through. except I'm only in 8th grade. And I've never been to a mental hospital. I kinda would like to go but I don't want to risk getting held back or failing school. Honestly I really want to go to a mental hospital. Even when I was in 6th grade I knew I wanted to go but I need a doctor to convince my dad that I'm not just be in a teenager. Tysm for talking about it was honestly really helpful for me.

I really appreciate your content and how genuine it all is.

Thank you for sharing your experience - your really strong and i hope that feel better each coming day. Your amazing!

I'm really glad that you opened up about this. Right now I'm dealing with severe anxiety and going to a mental hospital has always been on the table. I've been terrified at the idea but hearing your experience makes seem better.

Thank you so much for talking about this

hitomi i just came across your channel and i love the energy you are exerting into the universe. love you xoxox

You're such an amazing person, trying to make everyone happy and smile when you yourself were depressed :) keep shining girl!!! You've come so far!

When I was in therapy, in 7th or 8th grade, I lied to my therapist and tried not to speak too much to him. I didn't want to be put in a mental hospital. I was suicidal, but I lied and said I wasn't. I probably should have told the truth, but I was scared. I still have problems with my depression today, as a junior in high school. I don't think about suicide as much as I did. I just have my really depressed days and that's when I think about horrible things/hurting myself. Part of my depression was vitamin deficiency, which I do take vitamins everyday now, but most of it is from being bullied. I'm not bullied anymore, but the traumatic stuff I went through has stayed with me. I sometimes think about seeking help from a therapist for my anxiety (inherited anxiety) and depression, but I feel like I would end up lying again.

Man I guess I never really realized how much I lie to everyone else and myself by denying the fact that I have suicidal thoughts and self-harm by telling everyone I'm fine and putting a smile on to hide it all. I'm 17 and it was my second semester of senior year and One day I ran out of toothpaste and I decided then that I was going to kill my self I just got tired of it all I've never told anyone about any of it because I'm scared and hoping that it all gets better soon

I was actually in a mental hospital last year, and now today I need to go back. it was an amazing experience for me but now I need it more than ever

Wow, I appreciate you sharing your experience. I was placed on a 72 hour hold at a mental hospital last year, and I don't know if our hospitals hired the same interior designer, but damn exact same interior. When I told some guys there why I was there, they told me I probably wouldn't be able to leave for at least a week. Scariest night of my life. I had to get out of there, so I also lied to the doctors to get the hell out of there. There needs to be more awareness of conditions in those places. Thanks again for sharing, I feel soooo much more normal now, as the event has caused some intense anxiety since then of regret, but I honestly feel so much more normal.

I really appreciate the time, honesty, and vulnerability you put in this video. My psychiatrist was very conservative with his approach to my Schizoaffective disorder and on my second visit to the 24-hour crisis unit I decided to voluntarily check myself into a psychiatric hospital where I stayed at for five days. Again, this was a voluntary stay so that my symptoms could possibly be treated for, such things like objects being dropped on me night and day, chemicals being sprayed on me, the smell and taste of chemicals, voices outside of me plotting against me, drones following me everywhere I went night and day, vividly hallucinating, even at work. I had reached a point where I felt I was literally going crazy, and suicide was on the table in order to get it all to stop. I had been pushed to the brink and after several months of this torture I just could not handle it anymore. I drove myself to the psychiatric hospital and checked myself in. My first night at the hospital was terrifying not because of the staff all of which were very empathetic and professional. However, as I laid in bed, I felt something drop on my face and noises coming from the ceiling then cold air filled the room. As I opened up my eyes I could clearly hear and see the ceiling being ripped open and a figure in all black with a skull mask appeared in the ceiling laughing loudly as he began to drip chemicals on me that burned my skin. I tried to call out for help, but I was paralyzed and could not speak. I endured this torture for what seemed like hours eventually passing out from one of several chemicals being dropped on me. The next morning, I spoke with an in-house psychiatrist and together we tackled my recent experience as well as my horrifying experience over the last several months of depression and active psychosis. During the next 5 days my symptoms were significantly reduced. I was always treated with kindness, respect, and dignity by all the staff. The in-house psychiatrist and therapist really took the time to listen to me as did the entire stall, collectively we came up with an immediate plan of action as well as a plan when I was discharged. My experience was positive as well as lifesaving. There were several groups throughout the day as well as individual therapy and a check in with the in-house psychiatrist. While there were two beds in my room I had it to myself. The food was good as was the overall atmosphere. Today I am virtually symptom free and credit them with literally saving my life. I would go back to the crisis center and to that psychiatric hospital in a heartbeat if my symptoms reappeared.

I’ve been in a mental hospital. I loved it.!

Hey, You are super cool! Mental illness is tough. I have and still am suffering from depression, I feel worthless and I struggle socially. I hope you continue to become stronger and stronger. If you ever need somebody to talk, I am here :)

You're ridiculously inspiring. Thank you for sharing your experience, I'm sure it's helped so many people. I just stumbled upon this video of yours, and I couldn't help but watch it from start to finish. You're very well spoken, and I'm so glad you got the help you needed. More people need to know that it's okay to ask for help. ♡

This was in my recommendations so I decided to watch it because I’m bored and I got really excited because of your intro ❤️

Hey Hitomi, I've been watching your youtube since the beginning. I love it so much and I watch every video, because you are just amazing. You are so kind and beautiful and intelligent and I am so proud of you; because you are always full of happiness and energy and that's so important! I adore you and I could watch your videos again and again... Your personality is my goal. I feel that we have many similarities. Long story short: Continue, you are awesome! xxx

I actually came here for writing purposes. I'm writing a fanfiction about this girl who was admitted to a mental hospital and want to know what most hospitals like that have in commom so I can at least get a general idea. Amazing video! Love that you shared your story so publicly! It can be hard to do thibgs like that sometimes

Okay just with The Smiths Intro I know this video will be amazingly thoughtful and insightful. Ah, Hitomi, I love you, your such a breath of fresh air and I appreciate your honesty on such a difficult platform as this. Please never stop doing what you are doing, you help so many people. I've just installed your app and I'm looking forward to using it to help me during times of turmoil, thank you so much for everything you have put out there for us. XXX

Incredibly proud of how much strength you have...well done!!!!

thx for this video!! I literally just came out from the hospital and I'm barely learning how to recover ! :-)

14:20 When she says "Happy Pills" I was like OMG IM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO CALLS THEM THAT!!!!

I've been binge watching all of your videos, you're so inspiring! You're beautiful both inside and out. Thank you for sharing

It's so beautiful that you're sharing this, I might watch the full video later but right now it's just way too close to reality and might make me freak out.. cause I do hear voices in my head. But seeing you out there thriving gives me a lot of hope. FYI I'm 6 years older than you and I feel you are so extremely wiser than me right now which proves age is really just a number. I love your videos, you're amazing ❤

Hey hitomi! Love you!!! Xxxx

This is very interesting to hear since I was super close to being baker acted. I remember looking up what it was like at the hospitals and all I found were horror stories.

thank you so much. im going to be admitted to a mental hospital soon and i really need videos like this to calm me down. hope you’re doing amazing now 💞

Aww Hitomi, glad you're finally fine and you're really gorgeous xx I can relate so much

this is the first video ive watched from you and this is off topic but your background is really cute

I would lie too. Which is another reason these mental hospitals aren’t full proof. They’re depressing, and scary. They honestly could drive someone to wanna die again. That’s why people aren’t upfront on how they feel, and I get it, because you’ll basically be living in a jail with nothing but yourself.

Omg you're​ amazing talking about this, it has definitely helped me and hopefully helped loads of other people. Ah you're so beautiful and kind thank you so much ❤❤❤

Thank you for sharing your story, I recently got out of my 3rd stay at a psychiatric hospital for overdosing and watching these videos help knowing I'm not the only one.

I went to one as a disabled man with depression. I couldn't shower for weeks. It was a nightmare.

I love you so much, Hitomi.💗

Why am i watching this video?...empathizingly so many times over again. It really is so relieving to hear anothers story for my sake and my cousins. Thank you, and thank you.

I'm glad you're doing better and aren't cutting, congratulations!

I tell my mom sometimes about my outlook on life, and how it seems miserable. Her response: "You might have depression." *Walks away as I continue to cry* Me: Oh, thanks for caring...jeez

To be honest, I had fun in there which helped me. I went just last month for 12 days. I'm 18 so my age group was 18+. The majority of people were 30 to 80 years old. I was the youngest one and learned so much in there. I kept in contact with some people and I had my first cigarette in there.

I was inpatient and outpatient for Suicide thoughts in November through December, and it wasn't that bad it was like that. but it really helped. My friend actually saw things and hearded voices. I'm glad you have the courage to tell this

this was the first video I ever saw of you. watching it 5 months later is so weird because I feel like I know you so much better. back then you just looked like a normal girl, but now you're my biggest inspiration 💓 Ly 😘

If anyone lives near Lafayette, Louisiana, Vermilion Behavioral Hospital helped me TREMENDOUSLY. So I definitely recommend.

My stay at a mental hospital was NOT pleasant. If you go to a good one, then great, you might get lucky and come out better. However, those facilities are rare. I also noticed underage people have better luck than adults. Even the facility I went two, we would sometimes have to go through the teenager unit, in order to go to the cafeteria. LET ME TELL you, they were actually being helped, while us adults were stuck watching shit on TV like a 911 documentary, which boggled my mind. Everyone there agreed, every facility is almost the same. The underage unit had loads of staff and stuff, while the adult unit had bare minimum staff which acted more like babysitters than professionals. I learnt nothing from it, but i am committed to NEVER go back there.

This is very interesting. Great video! I'm glad you stopped cutting! :))

Can I just say I watched this for drama character development and it has really helped me see into the life of a personal with mental illness. Thank you for being so honest.

How did you get rid of your scars ?? you're incredible Hitomi ❤️

i stayed at two mental hospitals when i was put on a 51/50 and the first hospital was scarier than a horror movie, trust me

I love your a story and I hope your healing is permanent. I have never been to a mental health hospital but I will love to work in that setting in the future. Your experiences was not too scary.

it’s only been a year since I’ve been out of hospital but this video really hit home, definitely related to the ‘weird’ vibe of comfort and sadness.. found this video very healing x

aaah so early loves you :)

I have been fighting so hard with depression since I was about 5 years old. I am 12 now. I am slowly giving up. I am so weak. I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to go to a mental hospital, I know it would be the right thing but my mom keeps saying she doesn't think it is. She thinks medicine is the right thing but we can't find the right ones. I have tried so many, none have been working. I just don't know.

Thank you for sharing your experience, I just posted my own inspired by brave people like you. Dealing with getting diagnosed with manic depression is no easy thing (same boat) but it’s so great you share your truths and help spread awareness.

First video I've watched of yours and I already love u just by the intro