What's your Story? Family, Addiction and the Brain | Dr. Melissa Vayda

What's your Story? Family, Addiction and the Brain | Dr. Melissa Vayda | TEDxHarrisburg

Рет қаралды 110,371

7 жыл бұрын

This TED talk shares Melissa’s personal experience about growing up as the child with a mother addicted to alcohol and opiates. Highlighting her path to peace and understanding, she shares four important life-changing lessons for those of us who love an addict.
Dr. Vayda has dedicated much of her career to higher education and the study of social constructions that limit individual potential. Currently serving as an Education Strategist for Penn State University College of Medicine, she is helping to develop and implement an innovative approach to medical education.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

Пікірлер: 58

@jencoke4266 Жыл бұрын

"an addicts words or behaviors have nothing to do with you" As a recovering addict I thought that was a great statement and well said. Thanks

@joycewright5386 Жыл бұрын

I keep watching videos like this trying to understand why my sister chose to kill herself with alcohol. If her words and behaviors had nothing to do with me then why did she continually lie to me and expect me to clean up her messes? I don’t think I will ever understand.

@jessicalaws943 4 ай бұрын

Even the addict doesn’t understand addiction.

@TaniaMarie424 4 жыл бұрын

Please let this speaker know she just made my life so much easier ... please thank her for me for waking me up to the disease of addiction 🙏

@icacoordinator 6 жыл бұрын

Thank you Dr. Vayda. My mother became an alcoholic after the unexpected loss of her fourth child at a young age. No family history as far back as great-grandparents as far as we know. The three of us older children are always aware and of course have been labeled "at risk" because our mother eventually died of her disease. We grew up knowing we didn't want to raise our children in anything close to that environment and succeeded. Unfortunately, the baby sister, born after fourth sister's death was not so lucky to have been given the first formative years of her life with mom's love as we had. She was placed on my lap as a newborn when I was 6. I tried.

@dionel8 4 жыл бұрын

Genes can go back many generations. I'm so sad about a little 6 year old with a newborn baby on her lap. I want to cry.

@jenniewhite6293 6 жыл бұрын

I love this talk, what a wonderful daughter you are! So caring, I myself suffer from addictions and am on the road to recovery. This talk has helped me immensely and brought tears to my eyes. Your mother must be so proud of you. Sending you love and hugs for approaching this difficult subject with such grace and wisdom.

@user-ib6dn1mz9y 8 ай бұрын

Thank you, Dr. Vayda, for sharing your story. It was moving, and I loved how you were transparent with your audience. May God continue to Bless you by sharing your story with others!

@lg898 5 жыл бұрын

What a beautiful daughter very well spoken thank God she didn’t follow her mother’s footsteps sending you peace and love 🌸

@silkyrobinson5079 3 жыл бұрын

Great wish my daughters mom, my dad, and all the other people who've written. Me off could hear this.

@matbrum3492 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing your story. I am currently going through a similar situation with my mother and your words have helped me wrap my head around a lot of things that just haven't made sense to me.

@siiiriously3226 2 жыл бұрын

i highly recomend giving ACA (aduld children of alcoholics) groups a try. their concept of a higher power is totally individual, and not religious, in case that the christian version is not your personal go to. but the community of people who share similar pasts has helped me way more than professional therapy over the years. (plus ACA is free ( donation based) all the best!

@hollygarcie1812 Жыл бұрын

So moving. Thank you more than I can say.

@lucymagee3654 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for this great talk! Especially for the second piece of advice you gave.. it was very comforting 💖🙏🏻🦋

@ycart3285 2 жыл бұрын

This is why it's hard for me to let go of the resentment I hold toward my parents. My mother told me that my dad's dad died from drinking, my dad "would have been an addict if [she] didn't let him," yet I wasn't given any preparation for how this would affect my life, even when I started drinking concerningly at a young age. I hold a lot of resentment for that and I know that any child I may have would never be raised the way I was.

@atzimier6896 5 жыл бұрын

Dr Vayda thank so much for sharing your personal experiences with the world!

@BeckyBroken 6 жыл бұрын

that was amazing

@kellietipton1338 6 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this talk.

@v.dargain1678 4 жыл бұрын

Yes . She always thought her family was worth saving .

@siiiriously3226 2 жыл бұрын

HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU ALL the nw film wisdom of trauma, with Dr. Gabor Maté who wrote the book "the hungry ghost" amongst others... it really does shed a light on the underlying issues of addiction.

@227demi 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much I feel less alone as the first born child I've done alot for my dad I live him and still struggle to this day xx

@siiiriously3226 2 жыл бұрын

have you tried ACA (aduld children of alcoholics)? it´s a free peer support group for ppl. from alcoholic OR OTHERWISE DYSFUNCTIONAL families.

@tarabelleenoch3305 6 жыл бұрын

Thank you. ❤️🙏🏼

@tarabelleenoch3305 6 жыл бұрын

Every word you said is so true. I have worked in addiction for two years. I have learned so much and through knowledge and experience in this field of nursing I have learned, like you, forgiveness, peace, and my lens from which I see through changed, as well. This all needed to be said.

@lindak8072 4 жыл бұрын

I appreciate her thoughts and vulnerability in this topic, however whether or not the addicted person's actions are personal does not matter when you are a child in that environment. Any time a child is raised without their needs, physical, mental and emotional, being met, it stunts their development ,which affects them lifelong.

@rootsextra 2 жыл бұрын

Nice...JAH love🙏🏿🌹💖💯

@RudyRuachoReyRua 4 жыл бұрын

It is not always hereditary! But great talk.

@v.dargain1678 4 жыл бұрын

Agreed . My dad was a drunk .

@rebeccaradtke4342 3 жыл бұрын

Its scientificly proven that addiction tendency is hereditary. However, you make a choice. A choice to never go down that path... its all about choices... even becoming an addict is a choice.

@natev1956 3 жыл бұрын

Calling it "addiction gene" disease or disorder can seriously "enable" someone to just keep using. It's not Cancer, its a "Choice", not easy at all but possible for anyone to quit. Believe me, been there. Millions of addicts have stopped the madness!

@joelleenbeangh2158 6 жыл бұрын

I wander why peoples who have Phd and have so much to share and tech have little hits on the internet.

@valeriefarragher 6 жыл бұрын

You may find studying neuroplastisity and epigenetics helpful.

@joycewright5386 Жыл бұрын

So if a person inherits the addiction gene and grows up on a desert island with no access to alcohol or drugs then will they still become an addict? It makes no sense to me. I believe it is a choice. This comes from the anger of losing my sister to alcoholism and she never wanted to get better. If their words or behaviors have nothing to do with me then why did she always expect me to clean up her messes?

@estebanvela7976 4 жыл бұрын

I’m dying

@missclarestube 4 жыл бұрын

I dont see addiction as a disease, but as a coping stragegy, for what ever reasons, thats affect the emotional development of those children around them.

@missclarestube 4 жыл бұрын

Or the emotional stabilty of those sround them.

@MrHendo747 4 жыл бұрын

I know addiction... it starts as a coping mechanism, but progresses to a disease... it alters the brain chemistry in a very fundamental way. Willpower alone cannot do it... you need to remove the things in your life that brought you to a state where you needed a coping mechanism first, then medical and psychological help, and then you might be in with a chance... imo

@KoolT Жыл бұрын

I don't think it is a disease but the brain becomes diseased from liquor. And the liver.

@erikschiller4838 Жыл бұрын

@@MrHendo747 Not ALWAYS as a coping mechanism though! Some of us started out socially or recreational trying to fit in or even being prescribed something by our doctors that we became physically dependent to and ultimately addicted to! But other than that I agree 100%! It's a disease of the brain affecting the prefrontal cortex, the hippocampus and the amygdala which is all responsible for memory and basic survival, such as eating, sleeping, bathing, taking care of your young, etc... All of those necessities in life get taken over by the necessity to use alcohol or drugs 150%

@erikschiller4838 Жыл бұрын

It wasn't for me... It started off as being peer-pressured into using drugs than being prescribed "harder" drugs I ultimately became physically dependent of than became addicted to... Was it a slight coping mechanism? Yes. But that's not what kick-started my addiction... The majority of my trauma that I tried to cope with happened as a result of my active addiction and of course living with my mom who was a weed/pill dealer when I was a teenager so I saw and experienced a lot of awful things... Yes, even with "just weed" someone is willing to kill someone's family or take everything they have because of it.

@Kim-kw7fo 6 ай бұрын

😢

@elizabethbeckmann2865 5 жыл бұрын

Great talk in many ways, but there is no addiction gene, at least none that has been identified. There is an increased risk/vulnerability when there is a family history of addiction and substance abuse, but it is incorrect to refer to this as an addiction gene. I worry when people perpetuate ideas that are incorrect scientifically.

@monclovahealth 4 жыл бұрын

Elizabeth Beckmann I agree with your point of the gene, my grandfather and my father are alcoholics, but I don’t think that’s a gene....

@monclovahealth 4 жыл бұрын

My maternal grandfather is not related to my father.... that why I mention it that way, I think it’s more of a learned behavior that becomes a chemical imbalance with increased exposure to alcohol

@claudiaschneider5744 4 ай бұрын

Yes indeed, no doctor ever asked about addiciton in our family, right. Seems like most doctors are afraid of it - or they still does not want to know anything about - just pure Ignoranz.