The causal agent of relationship boredom is always the same. At some point -- and for whatever reason -- the two of you stopped telling each other the truth. I guarantee that if you start telling the truth in your relationship, you won't be bored for very much longer. So why does this happen? It turns out most people don't really want to know the truth -- and that's generally not why they entered into the relationship anyway. This is because telling the truth almost always disrupts the status quo, which is often uncomfortable, inconvenient, and painful. Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/jdiIdd2Cl66odYU.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzfaq.info/love/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #relationship #marriage

"Men get bored adoring women who refuse to reciprocate affection. After so much effort they will simply walk away. “a cold heart leads to an empty house.”

"People who start telling the truth are universally punished by their community." Highlight of the video

"In order to be loved, you have to risk being known." - leaving this gem here for my reference.

Truth is accountability so over half the population wont be on board.

limbo is the first cicle of hell, where nothing bad happens to you, but nothing good wont be happening, boredom is one type of hell.

Men tolerate boredom so they don't lose half their stuff

Plato taught us, no man is hated more than one who tells the truth

🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:52 🤥 *Boredom in a relationship often stems from a lack of truth-telling; addressing the underlying causal issue is crucial.* 02:30 🔄 *Sharing personal truths can lead to significant shifts in relationships; it fosters emotional intimacy and genuine connection.* 05:35 😔 *Reliance on scripts and roles in relationships can lead to boredom and loneliness; emotional intimacy is vital to combat these feelings.* 08:19 🌧️ *Emotions are essential for the growth and renewal of relationships; boredom can be a result of stifled emotional expression.*

In the case of many women boredom is seeking drama and toxic behavior which they view as either a problem to fix or feels like what they are accustomed to and are more comfortable with. You can choose that lifestyle but im tired of society pretending that's an acceptable way of living especially with a family/kids. Its behavior that should be ostracized and should make people uncomfortable. Just because you have the right to do something doesn't mean it's good for you to let alone others.

Great advice. Everyone, in every relationship, from business to friendship to intimate partner, should hear this one.

This reminds me of American Beauty the charactor that was the honest one throughout the movie and suffered the most in the end. Kevin Spacey the dad his relationships daughter, wife and job. He became transparent with his truth then he just seemed like more alive working out more he was honest with everything he stood in his life. Blessings 💜

As a woman, I love this guy so much! I feel like he truly understands me (as he speaks on women) and it is super comforting listening to a man that understands how a woman thinks. Most men do not, you have even taught me things about myself. You are a huge asset to both men and women alike! PS Would also be super cool if there was a female Dr. Orion Taraban we could listen to! 😁

This underlines the importance of choosing someone who is mentally and emotionally calm and stable, and who can handle the truth. It also underlines the importance of not getting married, because marriage introduces complacency and boredom into the relationship, and makes it difficult to tell the truth without getting financially punished.

My wife and i are very honest with each other. We are not bored.

Truth is only valued when it benefits. Never when it punishes.

lets make it more "fun": start with yourself and have an honest and well meaning chat.

Truer words never spoken. Truth is the lifeblood of intimacy.

Alice Cooper had the wisdom to sing “I may be lonely, but I’m never alone” in the song “I Never Cry” in the mid 1970s…..never fully understood the idea UNTIL I was married.

I've made a point of telling women the truth my whole life. It's a great way to ensure you don't get into an LTR to begin with. (And therefore? Prevents anyone from getting bored in one with you.)

Very good. Excellent topic and opening the door to some self discovery.

The SWU interview was just “Wow”. Love the long form discussions.

My wife was bored so she secretly found another man with the help of her mother.

It seems not difficult for some of us, but it is hard for most people to tell the truth.

By the way I think this is good advice within the context that Dr. Orion assumes you are still interested in saving your relationship. It's also ok if a person decides they want to dip out of the relationship when they are bored but they should still have an honest conversation about wanting to end it and try to be civilized about it.

Ya that will definitely liven things up 😂 in all seriousness, great advice!

Too often, saying “I’m bored” is simply a way to put the other person on the defensive. It can be a way to say “I’m bored! Dance for me, monkey!”

Off course ,to be bored in a relationship, you have to be...in a relationship 😂

A romantic partner is not there for entertain you. As long as the intimate life is satisfying for both parties, there is no such thing as boredom in a relationship.

I spoke the truth and she decided to just take off without any cross argument or trying to defend the relationship. It’s the third time. But I can’t live in a lie. It’s just wrong

So tell the truth, the whole truth and everything but the unvarnished truth!

You're absolutely right. However, it's more complex than that. The region you live in, as well as your nationality, plays a major role. Take for example the Midwest. There are a lot of passive/aggressive behaviors that occur. One huge reason for that is its populated with Scandinavians. They may be pleasant to look at with their blonde hair and blue eyes, but their behaviors and beliefs are very passive/aggressive. Why? As a culture they get offended very easily, and they don't like to offend. The result is a lot of behaviors that never really get to the truth. Now cruise over to the east coast and they are going to give it to you straight wether you like it or not. They are very direct in that region. That's why your able to do a video of this nature. What seems obvious and the right thing to do generally never happens.

Occams razor - "bored" really means "not living up to [unrealistic expectations]" once the bew relationship energy fades.

This is poetry, man.

Once you get a solid one or two long-term relationships through and out of your system-you see the true value in being single.

We're all gonna make it brahs

Sir you have JUST GIVEN ME ARCHIMEDE'S LEVER for the woman of my dreams, who is, as you say, suffocating. Eternal thanks. I need to come back and watch this MASTERPIECE over and over until I can recite it. And what you said extends even into other spheres - like politics. From Paris with love!!!

Great insights! Many thanks ☘

Came here expecting "dump them", got a slightly deeper advice instead. That's why I subscribed to this channel. "Start telling the truth" is indeed the best way to make any situation exciting. I am myself going on a strike of truth telling at the moment, not out of boredom, but as a way to counterbalance some unfairness that was laid upon me recently.

Very good, I'll use that!

Your video reminds me of Michael Haneke's movie Caché (2005) ending when the protagonist goes for a nap during the day in his bedroom, after the Algerian made a suicide in front of him. His bedroom had two windows (like two eyes) and he closed the curtains before taking his nap, possibly suggesting the collective denial of truth.

It is hard to get what we want and even harder to keep being satisfied with what we have

As a NYer you summed why i hate going back and why I had to get out before I lost my mind.

Super practical! Thank you

Man, that was something I needed to hear

'I'd rather know the ugly truth, than believe in a beautiful lie'!!!!!!!!!!!

😂this video couldn't have come at a better time....thanks

You are touching on something I have had a hard time pinpointing in my own life and blindspots I'm trying to deal with and experiencing in my relationships. I would really appreciate if you could go into detail, make a follow up about the description of the person you said that shares the unvarnished truth (and the reality they live in where they hide behind their kindness) thank you so much for your content, I see a breakthrough coming.

Love this video as usual

Oh wow! I’m experiencing this right now. My girlfriend always plays the victim when we get into serious conversations. I dropped some truths about my previous relationship experiences and she has been down since then.

This is my most favorite episode. By far the funniest 😂

I live in Manhattan and it's very lonely in New York and I never thought you experienced that when you lived in New York because your status was above average being an actor and being part of that world of people etc.

Why did you tell the truth Dr. Orion? Now we have to deal with it!

8:05 Absolutely nailed it Doc !! 🔥🔥🔥

I experienced it recently in work related relationship and it lead to unprecedented fruition of my productivity. And I'm about to undergo such process in my personal life.

Why doesn't one of us... tell the other one of us... that one of us...isn't really being ourself; and that both of us already know it?

I'm an honest person, some might say too honest. I'm direct, others may say blunt. Anyway, I'm in a relationship with someone who would rather not know the truth. Because the truth means having to make an effort, and he just can't be bothered. He cannot stand conflict, so we don't argue. I'm lonely, I'm bored, and I'm suffocating. Thanks for understanding and being truthful, Orion x

Pure gold!

01:00 I almost laughed so hard, I could have spit out my coffee.... "You WON'T be bored, for very long."

With the exception being you cannot do this with the personality disordered .... They can't handle truth

I love this video.

Emotion and weather….bringing back Sristophanes clouds

absolutely right. sometimes one feels unloved but can't accept the truth that he indeed perfectly knows because he's or she's emotionally dependant (loves her for example) so he will rather suffer from her or his unsufficient love than break and no longer see her or him. falling out of love and accepting it without fighting it is a terrible thing to do. the unloved partner will suffer and be unhappy. the bored partner will be unhappy too. it is is neither a good place to be to be with an unloving person or to be with a person you don't or no longer love

I find this fairly typical of extroverted personalities that once they do get bored for which many don't even wait long enough for there to be an excuse will dispose of relationships without as much as a second thought. In our modern society this leads to a lot of turn over especially when such personalities are spoiled for choice thus relationships are devalued and entirely disposable worse still there is often no real connection to begin with or at least not for very long.

So true about loneliness. I've found that i have no desire to be around ppl with whom i cannot confide in. An exception is if they are entertaining to be around, or i can bounce ideas off of them and get good feedback.

Interesting premise.

Thanks!

A good point made re the extent to which one should be honest. In those cases, it might help utilising a way legal thinking mutatis mutandis. That is, when you think you should be honest, you consider: (1) whether there is a legitimate aim; (2) is it 'necessary' to tell the truth to achieve that aim; and (3) is it 'proportionate' (ie are there less intrusive/hurtful ways of conveying it)?

Very true many people are scared of bringing out the truth because they fear it'll be at the expense of the relationship. - thing is once you conquer this we will have much more real and full filing ones

This message came right on time!!! Was literally debating what to do about a girl I’ve been dating that has fallen flat… Well, cause controlled drama with the truth! 😂💪🏾 Thanks so much! I’m new to the channel, but I most definitely will be staying!

Atta boy Orion!

Be careful what you wish for.

That hits hard

The concept of, "one's own truth." Is morally devious, it obscures the objective fact that there is only the truth and that which obscures it. To tell the truth is to acknowledge objective reality.

Excellent segment! Thank you!

Please Dr. Taraban cover attachment styles and explain whether they are realistic in modern day dating.

I dont normaly post, but this video struck a thread. This concept seems so basic, but it brought me to many revolavtions. Ive strughled with alcohol abuse, and a challenging point for me, has always been that it seemed like my partners were always more atttracted when i was drinking, no matter how much they proclaimed to hate it. They liked the truth, the breakup in monotony, the excitement, but hated the other issues that come with drinking. This leads me to breakthrough number 2. My problem with oversharing. While not covered in this video, i dont know why i do it. But perhaps, with being honest you make yourself vulnerable,, but if i dont want to hurt feelings, i limit myyself to being vulnerable, ie i overshare. Im looking for the same emotional responce to being honest without having the balls to do it

Remove daily struggle for survival and romantic relationships simply don’t work. None of them.

Beautiful crisp shirt

I have a thing where I actually ask my partner what new things he has learnt about me and if hes happy with me and if he wants to stay in a relationship with me... then i have my turn. we explore how we both feel about each other and the relationship every month or two. And if there is anything either one thinks we can do better/ should do differently... I'm going to try maintain this dialogue throughout our relationship having watched your video ❤

The truth might get in the way of feeeeelings😅

@psychacks Dr. Taraban, i understand your focus is on bridging the gap between the sexes' perspective on relationships, wouldn't you say though that one's relationship with themselves takes primacy over relationships with others? As such, the points you brought up regarding loneliness in this video are very insightful & helpful in showing how interconnected these aspects are & it would be amazing if you were to do a video or a series even to elaborate on your points regarding loneliness, its root causes, symptoms to look out for, suggested solutions or things you've seen to be helpful in your practice

That which hinders your task IS your task…

I've never been this early to a video, tq Dr!

Do an episode on what you think about John Delony.

Boredom in a relationship... I guess, this is why for me this has never happened... being open & honest has always led to issues & being right doesn't mean you Win, most of the time I was hoping to be wrong with my gut feelings... Such is Life

Most men can tolerate boredom in a relationship just fine without going out of their way to cheat as long as they're getting certain needs met. Most women on the other hand....

101% True.

As they say in NY......if you need a friend, then buy a dog. Awful place

I cannot tolerate willful ignorance. I think that's the worst kind of way to waste away your 1 and only life, in a daze of self and other deceptions to pass the days. Lies lies lies. More lies to cover up your initial lies. At the end, your life is nothing but a series of lies. You have every chance to create meaning yet you leave behind only meaninglessness.

god bless you

Imma tell you that im boring on the first date so when you confront me a yr later that i am, imma blow a whistle and yell Flag on da playyyyyyy...

so what's with "talking is overrated"? when do we choose to talk?

Yes ... this truth telling works in all manner of relationships, in particular, when relating to parents. It is acknowledging that you are attempting to communicate Across the Gulf of Species. It isn't so much that life has gone by and you've drifted apart; rather, it is the epiphany in discovering that you quite literally have nothing of weight in common, which is one of the results of the genetic crapshoot of life. Conversation is polite over tea and crackers, but the lack of commonality can be insuperable.

(6:02) Sad but true

Funny how everyone thinks this is so simple, sometimes the reason for hiding the emptiness and loneliness goes beyond self interest. Especially when you're part of a "great marriage". I can't bare the thought of ruining my son's life and my wife's life. It's more like giving up your own happiness to put their happiness first.

I was gonna suggest leggos or base jumping.

Boredom could bring illness

The idea of “getting bored in relationship” is misunderstood mindset to begin with. The other person is not there for you to entertain you. If you are bored, go find something else to do with yourself.

After 15years my marriage was failings. Sex maybe every couple weeks. I took a chance and talked truthfully with my wife. Now feels like we just met. Sex 3 to 4 times a week. And one weekend alone we did 7 times in 3days. At 42 i started to slow down and get her into the mood and lots of foreplay. Also make time for date nights and alone time again. Worked for me. ❤