What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Love | Mandy Len Catron | TEDxSFU

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TEDx Talks

8 жыл бұрын

In this talk, Mandy Len Catron speaks about the reality of love. She describes her own story and explains a process most of us will experience at least once in our lives.
Originally from Appalachian, Virginia, Mandy Len Catron now lives in Vancouver, BC, where she teaches English and creative writing at the University of British Columbia. Her New York Times article, "To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This," received more than eight million views and was syndicated all over the world. She's now working on a book about the dangers of love stories. For more information, visit The Love Story Project: www.thelovestoryproject.ca.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

Пікірлер: 82
@anayansi_iris
@anayansi_iris 3 жыл бұрын
"That relationship was shorter than I had planned, but it was still kind of beautiful." Writing this down to remind myself.
@MansiTejpal
@MansiTejpal 5 жыл бұрын
"This version of love, as a collaborative piece of art, allows us to decide what it looks like": what a beautiful and useful insight.
@HanajimaSensei
@HanajimaSensei 6 жыл бұрын
I really liked the idea of stepping in love because of my personal experience. I didn't have a huge crush on my current partner when we started dating, but he was one of my best friends and I loved his company. Now, a year later, I'm so in love with him. I desire him in a way I never thought I would. It was all intentional, and now our relationship is better than I ever thought a romantical relaionship could be.
@lolaispure4296
@lolaispure4296 5 жыл бұрын
Nice💖
@anewloveofficial9137
@anewloveofficial9137 5 жыл бұрын
Loving is a great feeling to experience by each and every one of us but we should choose the right person to share our love with.
@carleyhawker221
@carleyhawker221 7 жыл бұрын
I really appreciated the idea to change the way we describe love. I think often people let good relationships pass by because of the ideas and metaphors people use to describe love. From now on I will try to describe love this way, especially to my children.
@morganmorrison5246
@morganmorrison5246 2 жыл бұрын
Hello there How're you doing ?
@yosecretsquirrel
@yosecretsquirrel 7 жыл бұрын
An amazing talk. This is the kind of thing about the TED series blows me away.
@RedIria
@RedIria 7 жыл бұрын
Such a powerful and useful talk.. being hampered by the poor volume of the video.. /sad
@irllcd13
@irllcd13 6 жыл бұрын
That's the annoying thing about TEDTalks. Can't just do a playlist because the volume is all over the place on different videos.
@upgrade1583
@upgrade1583 6 жыл бұрын
You control the volume at your end. Stop being so lazy
@SkywardShoe
@SkywardShoe 5 жыл бұрын
At maximum volume the talk is barely audible for me in a quiet room. Standardization of recording equipment would do a lot for these talks.
@8no1likeme-infinitestar65
@8no1likeme-infinitestar65 4 жыл бұрын
@@SkywardShoe I find earbuds help
@jcp1984again
@jcp1984again 4 жыл бұрын
@@upgrade1583 , stop being sarcastically smart. KZfaq has standards and technical recommendations for a reason. The same goes with video on demand. Audio levels SHOULD be set to a certain area of loudness. This video is disgracefully quiet and I can't understand why the channel editors don't check and adjust their material before publishing! It's not rocket science and there are very good automated ways of doing that. The makers of the videos are the ones that are lazy, not the user who criticizes an actual problem!
@NG2155
@NG2155 4 жыл бұрын
True love is always peaceful and comfortable, without any dramas. Tested))
@morganmorrison5246
@morganmorrison5246 2 жыл бұрын
Hello there How're you doing ?
@planetmchanic6299
@planetmchanic6299 6 жыл бұрын
You don't have to look for love when it's where you're coming from.
@nadeasalvatore
@nadeasalvatore 6 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much. I feel your speech as it brings me to a relevant perspective
@naomiayalamartinez9520
@naomiayalamartinez9520 7 жыл бұрын
"the art of loving" Erich Fromm
@shanaroyal6296
@shanaroyal6296 4 жыл бұрын
Love is what it is... love. Our positive and negative emotions confuse the mind into thinking there's different love emotions. There's different types of love, i.e romantic, friendship etc.
@nickstephenlim3882
@nickstephenlim3882 7 жыл бұрын
May the nerd who subtitle this or increase the volume earn karma points
@aatayyab
@aatayyab 5 жыл бұрын
lol
@ForzaTerra89
@ForzaTerra89 4 жыл бұрын
Falling in love is exactly that, falling, it’s involuntary
@drummerboi4eva
@drummerboi4eva Жыл бұрын
amazing Ted Talk, the use of language is so important to how we experience and perceive the world. 'I stepped into love' rather than I fall into it... a collaborative work of art... and I have the right to demand of love and my partner what I really want to create
@jemaema7420
@jemaema7420 5 жыл бұрын
Nice talk! Brings a whole new perspective on love
@quietman9296
@quietman9296 7 жыл бұрын
Hard to hear, but worth close attention to every word.
@stardust8597
@stardust8597 6 жыл бұрын
Amazing talk! Thank you :)
@silversunastrology
@silversunastrology 6 жыл бұрын
I like this! Thank you, Mandy!
@tramtrotter
@tramtrotter 6 жыл бұрын
Such a beautiful talk!
@peternorthrup6274
@peternorthrup6274 4 жыл бұрын
3xs for me. I was lucky. There is nothing better in the whole world. It hurts for sure. But it was worth it. It's a great gift. Life is short. Love often.
@questioneverything7922
@questioneverything7922 7 жыл бұрын
Brilliant, thanks
@moorel.5801
@moorel.5801 7 жыл бұрын
beautiful, beautiful words!
@morganmorrison5246
@morganmorrison5246 2 жыл бұрын
Hello there How're you doing ?
@asha_vere
@asha_vere 4 жыл бұрын
This is great advice and a way better perspective on how to view love
@khalidsafir
@khalidsafir 7 жыл бұрын
Love is often described as mental illness because the largely western version of it is mental illness. I say mental illness because as westerners we see things in material or physical ways but I would prefer to say that our mental illness is really a spiritual illness. The good news is that it is in our nature to love normally, be caring about others, it's not that hard, as long as we are not always obsessively trying to get stuff in our lives. We're all brothers and sisters in this world. Maybe a bit of travelling to poorer countries will make us realise this simple truth. I'm originally from London and have moved to Jordan. I'm used to strangers talking, smiling, saying hello here in Jordan. In London strangers dont even make eye contact. The point is that, what may seem like a huge thing to do (love people as brothers and sisters) may just require a tiny change in perspective.
@velvetfaerie
@velvetfaerie 7 жыл бұрын
Khalid Safir
@bellavia5
@bellavia5 3 жыл бұрын
The problem is that we look to be fulfilled in a relationship. BIG mistake. Being in a relationship is going to cost you something.
@whirledpeasfursure7320
@whirledpeasfursure7320 7 жыл бұрын
excellent,, thanks
@Chrissella
@Chrissella 7 жыл бұрын
Well, you know what they say they save the Best for Last. I Loved it so much!!! She was funny and very interesting and intelligent...
@morganmorrison5246
@morganmorrison5246 2 жыл бұрын
Hello there How're you doing ?
@sicelliatsui5148
@sicelliatsui5148 6 жыл бұрын
I love this-
@hank5324
@hank5324 3 жыл бұрын
We don't fall in love. I agree. I don't step into it either. I believe we grow in love our whole lives . Meeting someone I don't know that I feel attracted to ; the only stepping I've ever done is closing the distance between us , to find out who she is and tell who I am. How I feel and think of her evolves and grows . When I feel a mutual connection spiritually and experience a connection mentally and that emotionally I feel good about her as a person and especially a woman , and that the feelings are mutual and not wishful thinking ; in that moment of realizing we cannot waste another moment without expressing that love and desire for each other we rip each others clo...... ... Then when it's all been expressed ; we kiss passionately and wish each other a good night. Then I am so glad we waited until we got to know each other ; and never experience a better nights sleep. After such a meaningful experience I can no longer live without her. So , the only thing to do is call and see if she'll go out with me again. If she says 'YES" to a second date ; I show up with a U-Haul. The seeds of divorce have been planted. You're welcome
@Asianbabyk
@Asianbabyk 4 жыл бұрын
She did a good job!
@peternorthrup6274
@peternorthrup6274 4 жыл бұрын
Passion is everything.
@kanikamaheshwari9732
@kanikamaheshwari9732 2 жыл бұрын
She is literally speaking our inner voice which gets us into wrong things 😐
@koaelder
@koaelder 7 жыл бұрын
Hard to hear this one :( Bummer
@hopedean6424
@hopedean6424 6 жыл бұрын
Headphones my friend
@Xarkom89
@Xarkom89 4 жыл бұрын
"I longed to have dramatic experiences" this explains so much with a lot of women. Seriously why the senseless drama and headaches. (Obviously not all). But good god...
@ArtByEmilyHare
@ArtByEmilyHare 4 жыл бұрын
Ooh no, give me peace, quiet and a lovely calm life! I don't think it's a gender thing, just some humans love drama, it's such a nightmare
@phyllisrichard597
@phyllisrichard597 6 жыл бұрын
Hi I could not hear it.
@chopincookies
@chopincookies 5 жыл бұрын
What we don't talk about love, how about What IF we don't talk about love. Love for me is not important. From my sight and experience, love brought the society I sought hatred and left us in want. What if we stop to think about what we love and start feel what our society need. Instead of love I believe in kindness and humanity. And then you talk about her that I've been thinking. Although I will admit wholeheartedly that, indeed I love her and why shouldn't I, I still reckon that love is not and will never be important. Because I have this feeling that she is what important to me, and without talking about love. P.S. By the way, I did no mean to criticise the speech that was put rather nicely. And I must add that Ms Len Catron really has her personality. Thanks.
@georgiastride6345
@georgiastride6345 7 жыл бұрын
Is the title of this talk a reference to Raymond Carver's short story "what we talk about when we talk about love? "
@morganmorrison5246
@morganmorrison5246 2 жыл бұрын
Hello there How're you doing ?
@guloguloguy
@guloguloguy 6 жыл бұрын
....[the audio level on this video is about 25% of what it needs to be!].....
@shilpapathak_
@shilpapathak_ 6 жыл бұрын
If the sound is not audible then use 'subtitles' option.
@andreewert1142
@andreewert1142 7 жыл бұрын
sound is bearily audible
@hopedean6424
@hopedean6424 6 жыл бұрын
Headphones dude
@whatup8107
@whatup8107 Жыл бұрын
I think true love cannot have a "control" aspect to it. It must be and stay free and I'm not sure that is possible, it would be too risky.
@arricammarques1955
@arricammarques1955 2 жыл бұрын
Walking Wounded (c) Tracy Thorn
@dennisr.levesque2320
@dennisr.levesque2320 6 жыл бұрын
What you say about language, applies to more than just the subject of love. Since that's your field, do one on that, too.
@fhorsey
@fhorsey Жыл бұрын
No offense but this is brilliant ~
@makaylahaven4487
@makaylahaven4487 6 жыл бұрын
get some headphones n u good
@NadiaStAmand
@NadiaStAmand Жыл бұрын
i love how in french you " fall pregnant"
@coosbaysailor
@coosbaysailor 6 жыл бұрын
VOLUMN is too low to clearly hear. Spoiled ability to hear this well enough to be useful
@hopedean6424
@hopedean6424 6 жыл бұрын
Headphones fam
@gerydb
@gerydb 6 жыл бұрын
barely hear anything
@bellavia5
@bellavia5 3 жыл бұрын
How about this -Loving someone requires Trust, caring , respect , knowledge and affection. The first 4 are from Erich Fromm. The last is mine. If you can't check all of those off the list then your relationship is bogus.
@maureenlong7013
@maureenlong7013 7 жыл бұрын
another promising video, ruined due to low volume. People will click off because its just too difficult to hear.
@hopedean6424
@hopedean6424 6 жыл бұрын
Headphones my man
@alis3726
@alis3726 3 жыл бұрын
Subtitles, my man
@saramoreorless7318
@saramoreorless7318 6 жыл бұрын
To everyone complaining that they couldn't hear it.....try turning up the volume on your speakers......Good lord, are we THAT broken? Seriously, here's what you do; use one hand, grasp the "volume" knob on your speaker and turn it in whatever direction indicates UP. If you only have built in sound on your computer, go down to right hand bottom corner of your screen where the little sound icon is,and again, turn. it. up. If you have neither, or your system just sucks so bad that neither one works well enough for you, then use your headphones, ear buds, whatever you have. It was quiet when I first hit play, but low and behold, I turned the volume up on the video itself and if that hadn't been enough, I'd turn up the volume on my computer and TA DAAAA! I heard every word. If you are watching on a tablet or phone....the same rules apply. Your welcome, that was free advise. Also, I like listening to her stories, she is great :-)
@aatayyab
@aatayyab 5 жыл бұрын
Sara.... you nailed em' with that FREE advice. I can see the potential of a good writer and was wondering if you run some sort of blog?
@Damacles9
@Damacles9 4 жыл бұрын
At maximum volume on my device and still too low; headphone jack is busted (strewn throughout the comments are complaints about TED Talk videos' consistent sub-par volume levels, but you may not have noticed even). Your pontificating is boorish at best. Mandy's message lost on you. Hocus-pocus!
@jcp1984again
@jcp1984again 4 жыл бұрын
Jesus Christ. It's the content provider's responsibility to set their videos to KZfaq's recommended loudness standards! >:-( Yeah "TA DAAAA!" when you start playing something else and your ear drums explode when something PROPERLY LOUD blasts through your f***ing headphones when you forget your volume to a unreasonably high setting. "are we THAT broken?"! Audio levels have standards for a reason and this VIDEO is the thing that's broken, not users who complain about unreasonably low audio levels!
@Justaperson520
@Justaperson520 3 жыл бұрын
14.30 and I’m so bored Can’t hear anymore
@chadcadsonvii5258
@chadcadsonvii5258 3 жыл бұрын
Love does not exist, it's all chemistry.
@myyoutube3762
@myyoutube3762 6 жыл бұрын
Too quiet. Even with my mini auxiliary Bose speaker turned up full volume I'm having difficulty hearing this very soft spoken woman over the simple noises of cleaning my kitchen. Too frustrating/stressful, I cannot listen anymore. Too bad because I'm interested in what she has to say but don't want the strain of having stop and rewind every two minutes. Please speak up and/or get better recording equipment next time.
@SpiderMan-ni8ek
@SpiderMan-ni8ek 6 жыл бұрын
I have a cheapo chinese speakers with smol subwoofers and I can hear her fine on low volumes. Your speaker sucks balls man.
@megdelasantos5006
@megdelasantos5006 3 жыл бұрын
The trite boat concordingly twist because join accidentally burn until a absorbed vest. thirsty, woozy request
@haywoodpou4326
@haywoodpou4326 3 жыл бұрын
The mute stopwatch neurobiologically risk because lynx canonically decorate past a splendid venezuela. solid, milky actress
@forkofyork
@forkofyork 3 жыл бұрын
The uninterested teacher conceivably untidy because christmas osmotically deserve past a plucky male. boiling, evasive chicory
@darksavior1187
@darksavior1187 6 жыл бұрын
This was actually a pretty poor talk. For someone who values the right language about things, she needs to learn the word Limerence, which is a perfect and scientifically researched description of the addictive, obsessive, overpowering, and involuntary early attraction that happens in most romantic relationships initially. Learn limerence, quit talking circles around it. Its real, its poorly understood in the general public, and it effectively explains the crazier aspects of early attraction we feel.
Looks realistic #tiktok
00:22
Анастасия Тарасова
Рет қаралды 13 МЛН
Получилось у Вики?😂 #хабибка
00:14
ХАБИБ
Рет қаралды 7 МЛН
Дибала против вратаря Легенды
00:33
Mr. Oleynik
Рет қаралды 4,7 МЛН
Looks realistic #tiktok
00:22
Анастасия Тарасова
Рет қаралды 13 МЛН