Make no mistake, from the dozens and dozens of your videos I've watched this one is the most healing and the most helpful in understanding why a grown man would suddenly start making a fool of himself.

I just don’t understand how blind they can be and how much, how much they can hurt their spouse doing this!!! I can’t even!

The unfaithful spouse is like a child: “I love auntie Mary because she allows me to eat all candy I want but mom force me to eat veggies “ As soon as one or both spouses start to escape from duties and reality, that’s the cue for infidelity or an addiction to start up.

Also the unfaithful will do sexual things with AP that they deny their spouse of. That is a very hard thing to forgive and try to understand for the betrayed.

1 year ago today I realized something was wrong it took a few more days for him to admit.(38yrs and I worshipped him) I am still broken this has been hard to listen to (sitting in a parking lot crying) though he said he never spoke of us (she knew us both) I know it was about validating him and his ego. We are working towards repairing the damage. Thankful he has no desire towards her and has not seen her again.(both lost their jobs) I can't help but want to Escape in a fantasy and feel loved After experiencing such denial unworthiness and brokenness. I am exhausted with dealing with such hurt and pain at the cost of everything.

Limerence can be horrible for us standing for marriage.

My husband literally told me he did not have the ability to be vulnerable or emotionally intimate with me, or anyone, just a couple months before he had an emotional and sexual affair. Despite my attempts to connect and let him know I wanted to have that intimacy, he let me know that he just wasn't built that way, he was cold and hard 13 years into our relationship. I would say that the vulnerability and intimacy the unfaithful shares with the AP is false and an illusion. True intimacy is living a tough life together even when it's painful, leaning on each other and doing life together, making time to laugh and smile despite the chaos of life going on around you and your spouse.. that's real vulnerability and intimacy. The affair is pretend, it's like playing house as a child.

The marriage counselor said to me...did you ever consider this has NOTHING to do with you? I immediately diasagreed saying she told me i did this wrong and that wrong and made me feel at the time like i did everything wrong. He was right though, eventually i figured out how broken she was as a person and i was not the cause of it. Sure i had deficiencies and made tons of mistakes and sinned as we all do but I did not make her cheat and destroy me and the kids mentally. She had so many other choices but sadly went nuclear devastating everyone in the path

And then there is the intimacy issue. So close and intimate and physical with the AP but no desire for that connection with me . We have come a long way- but the questions about this haunt me and the unknown answers only lead to speculation and feelings of rejection. We have been in ‘recovery’ a long time and this is our stuck place. He has no desire and he can’t talk about it. I understand, I think, at least to some degree, affair excitement, newness, chemical release, escape, affirmation, etc. , and as much as I would long for those feelings as well, I am realistic about marriage and history and actual life- but not being desired at all when someone else was desired so much is still a daily internal struggle. And now I agonize over pushing the send button...

25 , 3 years of marriage and not even 2 weeks post finding out my partner had an affair and I thank you for this video. It’s helping me understand and feel less anxious about these thoughts

Every single thing you said makes sense. It's just an ego stroke for both.

They love the way the AP makes them feel about themselves.

this hurts me. I want to understand my unfaithful husband, but I just end up hurting hearing this.

I am crying so hard, You are saying what I have wanted my husband to tell me for 39 years. He has refused to ever discuss his women. But, his women sure reach out to me and fill my ears full. My heart is broken. God please help me !

This came to me, when I was seeking for the Answers that the unfaithful ones couldn't provide. Thank you so much! The entire thread is absolutely what I need to know about his infidelity!

You willingness to overcome your apprehension to make this video is not wasted, Samuel. One of your best, most insightful videos to date, IMHO. I feel you do your best work when you are willing to step outside your comfort zone. God bless, Samuel. Thank you for the courage to face yourself and share your story.

I am the betrayed, divorced now, and my ex is moving 2 states away to be with the AP, but i want to thank you for these, you are doing a great job and they have helped me so much just to understand the mindset of how someone could do what was done to me. keep up the good work and God bless

I understand what you're saying in this video i know my husband had cheated for the same reasons, this doesn't make me feel better, running away from real life to me is being a coward, and so incredibly selfish . How do you know if my husband is worth fighting for or if you're just dealing with a self centering narrcss ?

10 months on, still hurting real bad, haven't heard from the unfaithful, real lonely, but this helps a little, thanks.

I have enjoyed watching these and they are definitely helping my marriage! Thank you Samuel

My wife is damaged to the point she couldn't share emotions with me or her affair partner. I think her affair partner made her feel uneasy and intimidated at times. Her affair partner was a covert narcissist, and she was in limerence. Problem for the affair partner was he created a out of control love sick monster that had no clue how to be discrete in an affair. It actually became comical. He, in the process of seduction gave out accurate information about his wife. Her name, place of work and even the car she drove. He thinks he's the smartest guy in the room but apparently not. Yes i eventually told his wife and they divorced.

Thank you thank you thank you thank you My unfaithful wife wants to remain friends with her AP that is 22yrs old, lives with his girlfriend and the girlfriends mother. My unfaithful wife is 44yrs old. I’m 49 with MS. I’m fit, do jujitsu, blah blah blah. She just wants the nonstop validation, I’m sure. I’m exhausted BUT these videos ALWAYS do me justice. I see her in these, always. THANK YOU THANK YOU

My husband and I are in the process of healing after his emotional affair. I am so appreciative of all the Affair Recovery videos and have shared several with him. We had a good discussion this morning and one of the items we talked about is how helpful the videos have been to put my feelings into words and to help him come to understand his actions and how hurtful they were. So thank you all!

As hard as it to hear this. Thank you for the great insight.

I also learned that, your open and apt to divulge all your deep dark habits and secrets because early on there’s no fear of losing them if they don’t accept you for what and whom you are. Fear of losing in the way of the affair partner like, there’s no history or kids or real life memories so your not fearing the potential loss of something you never had.

Why do I even care if he ever talked to his sugar babies and affair partner about me and our family???

I am not offended at all. I love what you're doing please keep this type of information ongoing thank you. 🙏

I know the AP was a fantasy, I just wish I could move past comparing myself to him physically and emotionally etc. I feel so inadequate after everything is said and done. I know that's my own thing to move beyond, and I know that comparing myself to him is pointless... It's jist really hard not to. He came in and captured my wife's love and attention while I was left holding the broken pieces of "us".

I love how you explained very well, it's easy to understand every details you've said but its hard to expand & explain for us to fully comprehend. Thanks

This is very insightful. I always knew about the thrill of newness but never thought of the never being corrected like the spouse does.

This was deep, i always wondered why and i thought it was BC he was a better man in certain ways, but now i see he was just an fantasy and you cant compete with fantasy

This is the hardest for me to deal with 😭

Thank you so much for this explanation. I've been listening to everything on your channel over and over trying to help me pull myself together. I think this is what my husband was going through with a woman and their texting relationship. Church in the 21st century is an unsafe place, and I've been in church all my life but have never heard, seen or endured the level of dysfunction there is now days at this sacred place of trust, hope and peace. There would be breaks in their texting and then one of them would send a simple, hope you're having a great day, and it would start again. It never got nasty but it was all this "Hey, how are you doing, Sorry I missed you, You look awesome today, you look gorgeous tonight. I'll be working out of town, I'll miss you. I'll be back in town for the the event this weekend, see you there, can't wait" and she text back, "all day." And an extensive birthday messages 5-6 years into this when there had a been a little dry spell between the two of them because we had left the church ,for other reasons I thought, but now I wonder if he was trying to get away from her and this was the only way he could figure out how to do it?? I just found out about this in 2022 when the idiot woman sent 2 text late at night and I heard his phone going off and I went out to shut it off and found all their garbage. That was a big mistake. They had only text at church or when he was on a job site or hotel while travelling away. She was never there but he was safe, away from me to play his text message games. This went on over a 6-7 year period, I had no clue, but I knew her. Church is a problem when the couple is splitting up to do different things at church. Never happening again. I saw all the text messages, the only thing that was good about that was that he absolutely could not deny any of his garbage. She was "JUST A FRIEND" he was being nice. OMG, Read Proverbs 5. The woman is a destructive woman and hurt many families in our church, somehow I thought we would be immune from her treacherous ways but alas, my man got caught in her venomous "emotional" crap trap. Sad. It's been almost 6 months. We have 11 days until I make my final decision to keep him or send him packing. He says "it" was wrong to send those text. He said I know "it " hurt you. BUT he has never said "I'm sorry I hurt you." It's always "it". Who the hell is it? Not HIM "it" seems. Is his problem the guilt and shame he can't deal with, taking responsibility for being "IT", the one who trashed his wife's heart? I hope none of you ever have to discover this garbage on your husband's phone or wife's phone for that matter. I always trusted him before, I never feared what he was doing on his phone, we don't hide them, but he had it worked out that he only did this trash when he knew he was out of my zone. I honestly think a one night stand would have been much easier than this long term emotional crap trap he was in. I've given my life for him and our family and this is the lowest he could have gone to hurt me.

Thank you Samuel, Yes, it all makes perfect sense and has given me clarity on the things that went on over a period of time I assumed were the reasons thinking about it off and on over the years. Thank you for this, it means a lot having it put in a mature and rational way I can understand.

This is to the point exactly what is transpiring between my wife and her 25 year come around again lover after our 15 year marriage. Now we are into a divorce and she regrets it as she already begged to come back once she solidified and rekindled her relationship with her new man-who dominates her, controls, belittles her, verbally abused her and still she stays with such a heinous man with a heinous background who at the same time verbally abuses and intimidates our sons who are innocent as she made a selfish choice with no consideration for others. I wish she would’ve listen to me instead of all those other people who enabled her to make this move and choice that was wrong.

Sitting in stonewall land waiting for ice for each, and mc for us later on.THANK YOU. I needed this. Today.

why do we assume it's always one partner.. .he multiple affairs in the marriage ..I really doubt it is about validation.. how much validation does one need! it is purely selfish to me.

Thank you so much this has helped, me you have no idea how much this has helped me, all your videos has saved my life. Thank you.

Samuel, this is an amazing and insightful video I can't afford concealing so I watch ALL the videos and you have helped me amazingly!

Spot on, well said. Thank you, may God bless you and your family.

Thank you for helping me see this more clearly along with several of your other videos... you have answered all of my “why” questions that he couldn’t answer! Unfortunately, for us there will be no recovery!

There is zero you can say about the wants, feelings and needs of an unfaithful spouse that a betrayed spouse can’t also want, feel or need. ZERO. All arguments about unmet needs are a distraction. One person gives themselves permission to cheat because they’re self centred and another doesn’t. That’s it.

Such great information and very eye-opening. Thank you for this. It has definitely made me stop and think.

I just want to say thank! Your videos have gave me an understanding of my feelings and my spouse.

Excellent video,spot on!!👏thanks for sharing this!😀

Appreciate your insight Samuel. Thank you

I myself have watched your videos. I was the betrayed one. My wife had an emotional affair and after about 4 yrs I've forgiven. Moved on but that little part of me still doesn't want to trust. It's hard but this video explained what she refused to tell me. I've never gotten the whole story ,it always turned defensive. I just let it go. I've prayed over it and have healed myself. I guess my question is, should I have let it go without the full story? I still wonder if we can't talk openly and honestly should I be concerned as well? Your videos have helped me understand so much even after all this time. God bless you brother

You have helped me so much! Thank you!

Thank you! Great insight!

Thank you for this video. Definitely very helpful. Never ever understood what happened to my marriage and why he could do this to me. Never admitted to the affair and never got answers from him as he left me for her.

This was awesome! Thanks

This makes total sense, sad but totally true.

I’m an unfaithful, and in general, these reasons are correct. My AP and I did point out flaws and issues we saw, but feeling validated and accepted after both of us felt neglected for years in our own marriages was really freeing. It’s so so difficult to look at the affair as being a fantasy because we do connect, and we are open with each other, and not having that “water under the bridge” makes things simplistic. I’m not justifying anything, but when the unfaithful doesn’t feel validated for years, and someone comes along and offers validation and acceptance, it’s probably near impossible not to go down that road. Again, I’m not justifying anything, just pointing out reality from the unfaithful’s perspective

You are amazing, my friend.

HE IS SPOT ON!!!

Wow, u r right on, sir, thanks for this video

This has really helped thanks

Yeah, they are honest with the AP because they already know they are a lying pod. And the ap wants to "win"

Thank you! Thank you! Than you!☺...for my inner peace. 😚

Question that is driving me crazy. Why does my wife hide her body from me being married for 21 years yet send nude pictures to her old high school boyfriend she hasn't seen in 35 years ? There was no sex as far as i know since he lives several hours away from us. But there was several nude pictures and very vivid conversations by text. Along with her saying some very bad things about me as well. I need to know what is happing ! Now after i caught her red handed she wants to work it out i asked why this happen and the answer was i don't know i was being stupid. I am at a total loss......

Wow this is just so amazing. And I get it.

My wife has stated, she saw red flags with me but choose to be with me anyway but that made her know what to look for and now she sees 0 red flags with her affair partner i feel like that has to be the bigfest red flag if there ever was one.

Thank you for this

my wife fell in love with affair partner pretty much soon she saw him

In reconciliation, when the affair ends and husband and wife are working on repairing, does the unfaithful realize it was a fantasy and actually begin to prefer the reality which is the marriage? Or will they always fantasize about what they had and treat reality (the marriage) as misery instead creating a new happiness?

I just found out on labor day weekend that my husband has had an affair. My husband confessed to the affair but it was still a lie about who it was and how many times. Then he still lied about the time line that he ended it. He really didn't end it till that weekend and really he was suppose to divorce me and marry her but she didn't even wait one week for him before she moved on. He told me she begged got him to leave me but really he begged got her all weekend. It has been lie after lie. He regrets a everything now. He has lost everything now. I've recently file got divorce but I really do love him. Any advise

Thanks for the video ! Although I dont understand your disclaimer, nothing tough to hear, its just the reality

Yup,this was painful. Only known for about a month. We really have a ton to work on. Just so lost as to who we can go to who is a specialist in our area. Any advice?

I need help with my marriage....

100%exaclty as stated in the video.

I just caught my wife in an emotional relationship which to me feels the same as if they would have had sex. Been married 12 years and we both have slept 3 hours a day for the past 4 days and haven’t ate a thing. I really don’t understand how she is in pain when she is the unfaithful . I’m filled with an anger that I haven’t felt in years. She says she loves me, and that this was just a mistake that she let go too far. Reading the words she would tel him absolutely broke me. No doubt that I will never be the same. I wash clothes , I clean, I cook, I make sure to speak her love language . How does this happen?? She’s swears to me that I haven’t done anything wrong, we’ll then WHY CHEAT? She tells me I’m a great husband and a great father, I make her feel sexy, sex is amazing . Well then why talk to this fake bastard. I called his wife and she told us over the phone how he is. Lazy, plays video games , doesn’t help around the house , doesn’t help with his son . Doesn’t make her feel sexy . Really ? You were convinced by a boy to cheat on me . DAMN IT. This says exactly what she’s been saying. “ they were just words, it started out comforting each other, and he just convince me he cared. Idk what to do . I’m 32 she’s 30 . Should I try for another 10 and get cheated on or do I start looking for someone with some self respect

My spouse doesn't see that it was taking from us he thought he was handling both now acts hurt because I said that

Unfaithfull are in your life to wake you up!

Can you tell us.. How we can break their emotional connection with their affair partner.

Sometimes they do love their ap

The grass is always greener on the other side until they get caught. What I mean is that is new, exciting etc. Made my husband probably feel alive and perhaps younger. "In love" with a new... thing (sorry, I'm struggling calling her a woman). With the AP, he didn’t have the same routines etc. I suppose he could talk to her in ways he clearly couldn't talk with me. Yes, that hurts. He wanted to be seen or whatever. But really, I've always seen and loved him. Still do. I think he was running away from problems in our marriage instead of talking to me, with me. So I've asked him many times "Was ir worth it?". At last he did admit "No. Seeing how much I've hurt you, I know I did wrong". I want to believe him, so bad! But he lied to me before. I want to respect and trust him like before, but it's a struggle. 😢😢😢

My friend, who is in love with another man. So much so that she gets physically ill when not able to be with him. Will it "fade" away into friendship? Shes mad at me for saying "you cannot be friends with this guy." Period. She yells at me saying "can you have some grace?" She thinks her love will fade away into them being able to just hang out. Hes said his love will never fade. All of this is going on while she and her husband are in counseling for "normal" marriage stuff. She feels its irrelevant to introduce her emotional affair. She says its only emotional at this point. No sex. I find that hard to believe. She thinks that if her husband changes, she'll fall back in love with him, and just hang out and be friends with her affair partner. Is that even possible? Should "time" let their love just fade? She wants me to be patient.

How can I reach you directly.

First of all I do not condone affairs, at all. My husband was an addict and had an affair. Then unfortunately died in am accident while I tried to get him treatment. There are extenuating circumstances sometimes. My best friend has been unhappy 10 years. It will cost them 100k to leave due to the spouse not paying the mortgage and their house going for auction. I hope love finds them again whatever it looks like.

What would happen if this video was shown to the cheater having the affair? Would they think differently?

🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇 🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤 🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇