How to get well back as a normal

I don't know or think I have PBA but a lot of times I just feel dead inside and avoid talking to coworkers sometimes because of this and sometimes I have a good cry and I just feel much better. Sometimes I go to the bathroom at work and have a good cry. I think for me its the state of my digestive system and maybe just depression. However I was told once by a doctor I have a miner case of MS when I was like 17. This might sound strange but I learned watching health videos that taking an Amino Acid supplement on an empty stomach helps w mood. I think it works because today I awoke wide awake at 5 but I have brain fog, attention is weak however I just took half of BCAA pill I bought for preworkouts ( not for mood and digestive health) and it seems to have done something. My stomach starts seeming to get active and growl just 20 minutes after digesting the pill. For anyone who wants to try this approach.....the video I watched said to try different types of amino acid supplementation with Lysine first. I tryed Lysine by itself and it doesn't seem to do anything I notice however the BCAA has Leucine, Isoleucine and Valine in it. One of the harder parts of getting older is I can't get out on a sunday morning anymore and run 2 miles anymore because I'm on my feet for 40 hrs already and because I have a nerve problem in my leg when I do. Really pushing my self and getting a good workout was the way I treated my anxiety for all of my 30's. I can't remember exactly when I got into running but I miss those days. Those were the days the "dead" mood inside would go away then I'd feel happy and make myself breakfast while listening to Jazz and the feeling would last the entire day usually. Once you hit 40 its better to life weights and run up a hill repeatedly which I still do but this sometimes irritates the nerve in my leg which might be a symptom of the bad alignment because I see on the bottom of tennis shoes on shoe wears out more than the other.

I’m here to understand why when I’m crying or like having a panic attack/ ptsd moment or wtv I start to laugh- like psycho i never really what about this question until yesterday I had the absolute worst day ever I found out I’m part of the 97% at 2 years old and started to cry it definitely gave me trauma bc I THOUGHT I was part of it at 7 when I started to get sexualized by my dad and Molested from ages 9 to 14 then my older brother Pressured me into telling him my problems and without thinking I showed him my s/h scars n he got mad YO THE THING IS HE GAVE ME TRAUMA N TOLD ME TO KMS SO MANY TIMES AS A KID N MORE I got mad at myself for telling him but then realize that I’m mad at him because he kept pressuring me and usually I’m a good liar but idk... so then I started to cut till it bled but I was crying but laughing at the same time like a psychopath but it’s not the first time it happened so yeah 😀

Will you help me out

Cut out all of those smug smiles at the end of every explanation, seems happy just to get through the paragraph. When you say, remember we only see you in the office, we only see snipetts, so it`s important you share....I`m sorry but the profesional should be the one inquisitive enough and interested enough to investigate and ask the patient not vice-versa.