Why Doesn't the Unfaithful See What They Are in Danger of Losing?

Рет қаралды 245,243

6 жыл бұрын

Samuel answers viewers comments on why the unfaithful isn't aware of the consequence of their choices.
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Samuel is an infidelity survivor and is one of many contributors to Affair Recovery's Survivors’ Blog, www.affairrecovery.com/our-blog. He participated in Affair Recovery's courses developed by founder and infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW. After finding healing, hope, and new life, Samuel wishes to share his journey and what AffairRecovery.com has to offer with others so they too can find hope and healing.

Пікірлер: 286

@ghenaferguson1810 4 жыл бұрын

The thought that your spouse doesn’t think of you before they act is horrific. Everything every decision I make I think of my family/spouse first.

@jeffspurlock1745 2 жыл бұрын

Not everyone can be "perfect". Most of us are just human. Some things are easier said than done.

@whitneybaxter3299 2 жыл бұрын

@@jeffspurlock1745 I’m just human too and I’m not perfect but to rip someone’s heart out without consideration is a monstrous act. I think by saying “we can’t be perfect” unjustly minimizes the impact of such a act.

@ctr6110 2 жыл бұрын

@@whitneybaxter3299 agree COMPLETELY

@robertdalemccollom6250 2 жыл бұрын

Because they are selfish and are not in love or even respect their partner and the pasture looks greener on the other side hence a better life, so they think.

@vanessafork 2 жыл бұрын

I asked my unfaithful spouse whether his son and I crossed his mind when he was with his affair partner for even 1 second and he said Yes but dont know why he crossed the line. That confession cut so deep.

@monicabrown712 4 жыл бұрын

It has been 2 years since D-day and a little over 1 year since my husband moved out. I've officially given up on saving my marriage. Why? Because he's disinterested in listening to me; still lying; refuses to engage in intimacy; doesn't spend time with me outside of the house; and refuses to disclose where he lives. I'm tired and it is clear he's either still "with his a.p. or found a new one. I love him, but I deserve more.

@enalexiis Жыл бұрын

Hope your doing well, on the same page here except she’s the one running around so I just cut my losses short called it a day and moved out. Can’t do much if they don’t want to work on it you can’t force it either it is what it is. Hope your doing better though I completely get how your feeling. Stay strong and distracted and most importantly keep your head up your life’s not over 🙂

@DigitalMovieSolutions Жыл бұрын

It takes two. Forgiveness isn't just for your spouse. It's more for you. If you can't forgive them then you are wasting both of your time.

@Abrilgee 9 ай бұрын

@@DigitalMovieSolutionsno you can forgive but you can’t move on when the unfaithful is still acting disinterested or doesn’t seem to be genuine in wanting to fix things. If the unfaithful doesn’t put in a lot of work it won’t work

@Lettie22 2 жыл бұрын

I actually don't know how anyone could lie to their romantic partner about having sex with another person and not puke. It's just beyond my comprehension.

@larryn.vargasjr.6258 11 ай бұрын

We’re not THINKING ABOUT THE REPERCUSSIONS! SELFISHNESS TO THE HIGHEST LEVEL! 😮😢

@AnthonyStewartBrooke 2 жыл бұрын

I have to call BS on they aren't thinking about what they are doing/losing. The lies are proof they know what they are doing. The coverups show they know they will loose everything. The unfaithful just doesn't value their family enough and are willing to risk loosing them for a cheap lay.

@cheyannebrown4321 2 жыл бұрын

This is a good point. The other day, I had been journaling on my values so I asked my spouse what his values were, and he refused to answer. said this wasn't a good time in his life to be thinking about that.

@DST6lady 2 жыл бұрын

True they know exactly what they are doing, planning, covering up. They just are too high on the limerance and new love to think clearly about what they may lose. The thrill outweighs the risk of being caught.

@Altashheth08 Жыл бұрын

I agree Anthony… it BS that they aren’t thinking about what they’re doing. My missus thought about it, thought she wouldn’t get caught; even factored in that if she got caught and it went badly for the family then it wasn’t her fault, but mine for not taking it with grace.

@vincegalea7878 3 ай бұрын

I think you are right on some level but what Sam is saying couldn't be closer to the truth. I would never excuse the behaviour of the wayward spouse but the truth is that it's infinitely more complex than caring or not caring. Reducing it to that simplicity ignores many important pieces that are largely and most often to do with the person who strayed and not their primary partner or relationship.

@larrygragg8529 2 жыл бұрын

My wife admits she thought about what she would lose, but the excitement outweighed those things. Like all other unfaithful spouses, she thought she wouldn’t get caught and could end it without me ever knowing.

@90586499 4 ай бұрын

Are you still with her?

@abuvavrage 2 жыл бұрын

The devil knows the temptation and the cheater doesn’t see the consequences? How? We all know what happens because of affairs. The truth is at the time, the cheater just doesn’t care.

@vincegalea7878 3 ай бұрын

It's never as simple as simply not caring. There's always more to it. I am in no way excusing dishonesty but as human beings we are vastly more complex.

@jensbornagain 2 жыл бұрын

This made me feel worse. I wasn’t important enough to risk loosing 💔

@AprilAA1976 2 жыл бұрын

Same. My husband actually just assumed that I’d stay. He told me so.

@LA-1969 2 жыл бұрын

Exactly

@dosesandmimoses 2 жыл бұрын

You weren’t. Neither was I. Life would be less valuable to me discarding and using people so easily.

@sylvoniaa 2 жыл бұрын

So the cheating spouse is only sorry they got caught.

@SalinasOG831 Ай бұрын

No… sometimes they are thankful they got caught… they needed to get caught…it was an inner fight every time…..

@JessicaP33 5 жыл бұрын

Whenever I ask, I am met with "I don't remember", or "I was wrong, I'm sorry". Very frustrating.'

@samshealingpodcast 5 жыл бұрын

it may be time for boundaries....it's definitely time for expert help and intervention.

@joannep5974 5 жыл бұрын

Yeah. That's been me for 20 years. I have no one to go to for help. And certainly can't afford traveling for it. It's been really hard. I'll pray for you.

@sarahmedina1584 4 жыл бұрын

Mine always says , I DON'T KNOW WHY IVE DONE THESE THINGS.

@rob4n12 3 жыл бұрын

Sarah Medina I get the same answer...truly maddening

@jeffcarr6853 3 жыл бұрын

I was clear, forthright and honest with my spouse. She did not ever seem confused but deeply hurt.

@christinalewis3635 4 жыл бұрын

I feel like the unfaithful is over loved their every need is being met

@EButta71 2 жыл бұрын

As a former unfaithful I agree with this.

@CindyLejeune 4 жыл бұрын

I am no longer able to trust or love my husband deeply . .

@brendabernier5096 4 жыл бұрын

Mine is serial cheater I'm divorcing

@CaToRi- 4 жыл бұрын

I know, me too. When we discovered we never were enough important or respectable, the husband automatically steps down from the high position in our heart. We discovered he always saw us as fools, that’s a mockery... who can love deeply someone who mocked at you??

@adekoyacomfort712 2 жыл бұрын

So sorry

@amandaninow2508 Жыл бұрын

The unfaithful men say it is only lust and desire, great sex, feeling understood, thinking of their lovers 24/7 and having the best sexual thrills in their lives and had no intention of hurting their spouses!! No emotional involvement whatsoever...They kept it a secret as they knew very well they were doing wrong. They made a conscious decision every day to contact their lovers. And only stopped when they were caught out... And the betrayers expect their betrayed spouses to accept their apologies for hurting their feelings, like really. I think what hurts most must be the fact that they can't apologise for having the best sex and time in their lives, and can only apologies for hurting the other partners feelings...

@dianadi2030 Жыл бұрын

Soooo true ! They never apologize for that !

@victoryiswon2858 5 жыл бұрын

Love without responsibility is the greatest feeling in the world.... That sums up infidelity in a nut shell.

@samshealingpodcast 5 жыл бұрын

i wouldn't put it that simply...but i do agree to a certain extent with the sentiment. thanks for watching and commenting.

@kevinharrissr5255 5 жыл бұрын

You mean lust.

@africanqueenmo 3 жыл бұрын

It's not about why men cheat but how men justify lack of self discipline And self control in marriage. The unfaithful should repent and seek forgiveness show remorse and build bridges

@Altashheth08 Жыл бұрын

It’s not just men, the mother of my children cheated and justified her lack of self discipline and self control. You think that the unfaithful should repent and seek forgiveness but my experience is that it’s just words…. Followed by lots of blame.

@SalinasOG831 Ай бұрын

Women do as much as men… it takes two

@christiansantos5372 4 жыл бұрын

My unfaithfully spouse just keeps quiet. That pisses me off .

@larsericberg8910 3 жыл бұрын

A combination of guilt, shame, fear of reprisals or consequences when more is disclosed, etc. Happened to me, and she resisted going for counseling. It is most unfair. It prolongs the recovery process which is vital to normal day to day functioning.

@joannduta8149 2 жыл бұрын

My unfaithful spouse has also chosen to mute on the issue, which is chewing me up like hell.

@lemonlime8363 5 жыл бұрын

Man. I just can’t comprehend how some people cheat. I don’t get it at all.

@glendatalamantes8106 5 жыл бұрын

Me either. I'll never understand

@jamesmuthiani5680 5 жыл бұрын

Yet, they still do. My therapist helped me greatly to stop askkng why they did it..and know that it wasn't my fault and i couldn't have done shit. It was her choices. Ofcourse it hurts, but not focussing on her and talking to my support group of close friends and focussig on myself helps deal with the pain!

@daniellamoreno3616 4 жыл бұрын

Its not good but at times and its heartbreaking.

@shirleymusubika1676 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for these videos...I have literally cried myself out but in comfort of now I understand and that some people out there understand. Thank you so much.

@samshealingpodcast 5 жыл бұрын

you're very welcome. so glad i could help and be a support for you.

@elaineaponte9144 4 жыл бұрын

Omg! So so helpful! Im hoping that we’ll be able to sit and share this together and we both gain some clarity! Ty

@roselightcafe1754 6 жыл бұрын

Thank you! You finally said the realization of the consequences of cheating. As for me, married to a sex addict... The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. And that's where a lot of us are. The cost is incalculable. So much damage has been done, indifference is the safest place to be. I will never, ever, be "back in" to this marriage. It has cost way too much. I struggled also with suicide, I still have PTSD. I want to live and not die, with or without him. Why, he thinks because he is "sorry" and uses a lot of Band-Aids, "I love you"… They mean nothing. You need to go deeper. The heartbreak, the gut wrenching, the destruction , is incalculable. You should also include spousal abuse. I can guarantee you it is in every marriage where there has been cheating and more. Please, go deeper with this. And don't be so shy to talk about the spiritual aspects of this. It is demonic as hell. Don't worry about offending those who don't believe, please… my husband has not been in his right mind in over 38 years. Go deeper. 👍🏽✝

@samshealingpodcast 6 жыл бұрын

thank you.

@suwandonyai4182 5 жыл бұрын

I am in the same situation and don’t know what to do? We have kids and when I find out I feel like I don’t know him at all for the past 20 years of our marriage I feel so alone

@Alphacentauri819 5 жыл бұрын

Have you read the book ‘Codependent No more”? It is life changing. Whether you stay or go. Blessings. You are worthy of getting away from toxicity... you deserve much better.

@irmaperez9856 5 жыл бұрын

EP 😭😭

@lilysu7998 4 жыл бұрын

Roselight Cafe We've suffered "sex addiction" tragedy in our family as well. Trying to REMOTELY understand and move on in a mentally healthy way is a daily chore. I purchased a DVD set called The Conquerer Series through the American Family Association. This is something that I wish everyone in this country would watch-- I'm serious, it's THAT helpful. I would pass mine to you if I could. Please look it up, and buy it if you can. It's one of the best purchases you'll ever make.

@ghalsos9130 6 жыл бұрын

It has been years since the betrayal. My husband says he has always loved me even while cheating. What does this mean? How can he have loved me while hurting me?

@samshealingpodcast 6 жыл бұрын

it's very possible to love our spouse yet cheat on them. we're confused. we're angry. we're acting out. doesn't mean we don't love our spouse, though we are doing one of the most unloving things you can do. it's complicated. but, he probably does love you, but needs 1. expert help to find out why we did it and why he could betray his own moral compass and himself 2. a plan to get healthy 3. humility to accept the fact that he can't save himself, fix himself or fix you himself.

@raulnavarrette380 4 жыл бұрын

Hope you are well

@lelamaciolek1166 3 жыл бұрын

My guess, he thinks of you as his mom.

@maryruthharden5184 3 жыл бұрын

I've heard the same thing from my "husband" . I told him if that's what he calls live I'd rather be his enemy. I can't fathom that he loved me while in the aaffairs. It sounds rediculous.

@LDT7Y 3 жыл бұрын

Mine loved that I provided services that were useful - cleaner, cook, babysitter, sex doll. He knew he would struggle to get another woman (including his affair partner) to do those things for him if I left, which scared him. So he loved me for being useful. I honestly don't think his conception of 'love' was the same as mine. When he said 'I love you' he meant it, but based on his definition. He said 'I love you' very easily to a lot of people. He was a very 'loving' kind of person. Just not in the way I needed!

@BrooklynGRITS78 Жыл бұрын

I appreciate this video. One of the most gut-wrenching thoughts that I continually ruminated about was that I believed my marriage mate was fully conscious of the destruction he was causing. I believed that he simply thought that the experience with the AP was worth it, whatever it would cost. I'm still not sure that is not the case, but this video gives me something else to consider. And there is a bit of freedom in that.

@stacywilliams5900 5 жыл бұрын

I only recently found your channel...its been such a great tool in my recovery...thank u for being frank....I was drowning in this issue...why do they risk losing everything? .like what they wanted supersedes what they have.smh...its never that simple..thanks for the reminder

@elaineaponte9144 4 жыл бұрын

What I’m struggling with is the statement, “ it really had nothing to do with you” Thankfully we are in a place where 4 months after the discovery and 5 months after the one night stand, ( at least that what I’ve been told it was) that we’re speaking about both our feelings. But the thought that he’s able to separate me from us, from out life, our kids, our home, is one thing i am trying to make sense of. Hopefully he’ll commit to help for himself. I’m going for myself. Peace and love all

@tinadeemc8728 Жыл бұрын

They might not understand the extent of the damage they are causing but they are certainly aware of the possible consequences, otherwise they wouldn't go to such lengths to hide what they are doing. I think in many cases it is a form of escapism. They are living in avoidance of facing adult challenges within a relationship. Long term relationships and marriages are challenging and even hard at times. Cheaters are often running away to something that feels easy in the moment. I don't understand how it can actually be easier with the amount of effort that must go into living a double life. But somehow they seem to think that is easier than watering the grass at home. Until they get caught and their mental fantasy land crumbles, resulting in them realizing how delusional they were.

@PJHEATERMAN Жыл бұрын

Limerence. Google it. Almost destroyed my marriage and my family. My wife was in a limerent state and went off the rails for her limerent object.

@janofokc 4 жыл бұрын

I do not trust him. My love for him has changed forever! How could he do this to us. He cannot give me a reason why, He refuses to discuss any of the women. A few of them I know, and that makes it a double heart break. One of the women told me, "look at you and look at me, I still do not see what he see's in me, your younger, prettier, and educated, but, he sure knows how to hug, I loved that about him." I was so mad I wanted to clobber her. Does this mean her husband did not hug her? Of course he did. She just wanted to twist the knife she had stabbed me with. She thought my husband would divorce me and marry her, she said. Actually, that is what two of them have told me. They want him to be their husband not mine. I have had an emotional 39 years with him. God please help me.

@svang55 4 жыл бұрын

My wife didn't think she'd get caught. And plus in her mindset at the time she thought she'd be ready to lose me if she did get caught. But when caught and it was actually a possible reality that she was facing, she quickly realized she didn't want to lose me and the life we have. She quickly realized the affair was not worth it at all

@AL_FARID_23 4 жыл бұрын

X V same boat here...are you guys working it out?

@nelsonzambrano5788 Жыл бұрын

Did she realize that you were the BEST she could do?

@georgevue8175 Жыл бұрын

95% of the time when a woman cheats her partner is is no where near as good as her husband.

@scottpaulsen7845 Жыл бұрын

@@georgevue8175 I know this for a fact! I know her affair partner and I have always thought he was an idiot even before she cheated on me with him. I really think that for a lot of people who cheat it's all about opportunity. If the opportunity presents itself and for whatever reason they are not in their right mind it will happen..

@Hurtman2000 9 ай бұрын

how have you guys been after Dday? @@AL_FARID_23

@mvshoppe1342 5 жыл бұрын

I found out 2 mos. that my husband was cheating on me for months. I want to give him a chance and forget what he did. Ive seen him really trying so hard to fix our marriage but it is really hard for me to forget and get the image out of my mind of him and what they do in bed. The picture of them together doing intimate stuff is the one giving me a hard time to move on.

@prettyjane30 5 жыл бұрын

Thats my problem also ..im not going to fix our marriage but i wanted to fix myself getting out of that bad memories i had..

@stephaniedagenais525 2 жыл бұрын

This is my struggle also. 😔

@exmrsnowwomanscorned8369 Жыл бұрын

I feel like vomiting for months when i found out about my husband's affair. I just couldn't go past throught it and decided we need to separate

@Kingofpopcats Жыл бұрын

Me too it's been 5 months that my husband has been back he cheated on me early this year and actually left me and moved in with the other woman for a month and then decided to come back and it's so hard so so hard to not think about them having been intimate it hurts me so much and I have trouble being intimate with him now... How do you get past it.

@jmcrjc6799 Жыл бұрын

@@Kingofpopcats As a betrayed husband I ask myself the same thing because I think about my wife having sex with someone else.I feel so unloved and because what my shared with her affair partner should have been exclusively reserved for me in a promise of marriage..Part of me just can't let my mind rest and feel comfortable again because how can someone do this to someone they claim to love 💓.She insists that she was always there for me SMH 😒🙄💔..I am like wow if this her love for me I sure wouldn't want to feel her hate for me 💔

@user-ez4ds1zm3f 5 жыл бұрын

Having someone for granted is one of the most "silent" reasons why a spouse thinking of cheating , among all others. In my opinion and from personal experience.

@shelltoe_soul 3 жыл бұрын

damn aint that the truth? They aren't thinking that they could lose you, it's quite the opposite actually.

@garrysmith8727 3 жыл бұрын

The faithful lost us the first time ..its not just what the unfaithful will lose..the betrayed will also lose ...so it's not just about the victims here ..hello the unfaithful are also victims

@lelamaciolek1166 3 жыл бұрын

@@garrysmith8727 The unfaithful took the risk. They took for granted what they had, and may still not value other people, but only their own pleasure and convenience.

@glendatalamantes8106 4 жыл бұрын

What if your spouse says. I only want to know it all to use it against him? He just does not get the fact. Communication is a huge part of this. Lack of communication is why we are here... and he still chooses too not talk.

@brookestarr6124 3 жыл бұрын

These videos have truly helped me as the betrayed.

@raggamuffin2013 3 жыл бұрын

My husband had an affair and fell for her, hung out with her kids for 5 months. I found out he was up to something but he won't tell me who it is. He left to be with with her and then regret kicked in apparently, but I don't feel.i can work together on anything without knowing who it was.

@AmericanWithTheTruth 5 жыл бұрын

I agree... generally speaking when a man cheats the marriage has a good chance to heal and reach reconciliation. But when it’s the woman it’s almost impossible and she’s already moved on.

@samshealingpodcast 5 жыл бұрын

thanks for watching and sharing tom. i wouldn't agree it's impossible or even almost impossible....they (woman) can sober up, come to their senses, see through the fog too....it's a process and it's possible, but as in all cases of infidelity, it's just not easy for anyone. yet, for many, there really is hope

@triptych78 3 жыл бұрын

@@samshealingpodcast even if they have been in a relationship with the AP for close to 2 years and living with them? She already signed the D papers, but says she wants me in her life still, after 17 years. She was wanting me to move closer to them! Don’t get it. She ghosted me for a year till i served her papers. She’s been super sweet with me, fir some reason. I love her, and always will. She’s a good person, deep down, but has lost it all with me. She sees who’ve I’ve become out of this infidelity, which is a stronger, wiser, more confident man and spiritually stronger. She didn’t even recognize me physically either. Hit the gym 5-6 times a week

@samshealingpodcast 3 жыл бұрын

@@triptych78 great to hear my friend. proud of you and your work. i would see about getting help though so you can make sure this is out of true desire, not just need and not just emotion.

@buffuniballer Жыл бұрын

@@samshealingpodcast perhaps a better word is rare. Just because someone CAN sober up doesn't mean they do. Odds are, her affair is an exit affair. She's already done with her husband. She just hasn't told him yet. She's emotionally walled off from her husband and is emotionally connected to her affair partner. In her mind, she's not losing anything. She gaining a new, better, more exciting partner. She's unwilling or unable to see things any differently.

@JC-gx8zs Жыл бұрын

My husband duped me into thinking he was an upstanding man. 12yrs no red flags whatsoever so when he started acting differently I knew something was up, turned out he was bonking his work colleague - half his age. Of course 3 months later he realised the grass wasn’t greener… I tell him I love him but I know I’m going to leave him when the time is right. He has no idea how deep the wound goes…. But he will.

@moyaking8961 4 жыл бұрын

My husband's had a 5 year on off affair with the same woman. I'm 62, he's 77 and she is 72. He supposedly ended just over a week ago. He came home saying he hadn't made any other arrangements with her and they wouldn't see each other again. WRONG! They were intimate with each other that day and I now know it didn't end. I show him videos like these and he say I'm trying to get at him mentally. He is 100% not interested in watching these or seeking any form of help. He says he hasn't got many years left so he should please himself what he does with it!

@megschultze5556 5 жыл бұрын

Very good advice, thank you!

@samshealingpodcast 5 жыл бұрын

welcome Megan. so glad you're here. thanks for posting.

@marriesb1444 2 жыл бұрын

My husband said he didn't think he was escaping from life his childhood drama which he needs therapy for once he was caught he cried like a baby fearing he would lose me and his fsmily he has answered all my questions deleted his facebook which is where this person enter his life he did not love her. We work hard at our marriage everyday and I pray we can overcome this because I see his hurt and pain and how he is ashamed that his selflessness hurt me.

@jadestrother6104 Жыл бұрын

I needed this thank you.

@jmaximo936 5 жыл бұрын

It's just the feeling of being fooled. I was cheated on by my girlfriend and it killed my love for life. She told me she was unhappy with our relationship and that's why she emotionally cheated on me. I felt like it was my fault so I looked through our texts together and remembered the conversations we were having. I still dont understand it. She would text me saying that I'm the greatest boyfriend in the world and she cant wait to see me again, but when I compare it to the messages she was having with the other guy, she would tell him that he was turning her on and she couldn't wait to facetime with him two minutes after texting me. It makes me think of all the times she was laughing and crying with me and smiling at me and happy with me and knowingly at the same time messaging this other person. When we would go to sleep happily together now I know she used that as a chance to talk to him. I'm still with her and this is fresh and I truly love her. I just feel like I was a fool. She ended it with him and told me about it so that we could move forward but it still hurts like hell...

@MyronDavismd 2 жыл бұрын

Wow! What an awesome ministry!

@gettingreal2453 4 жыл бұрын

It's horrible to be replaced by porn.

@normarobinson5956 3 жыл бұрын

I know how you feel

@ScottishLeo 2 жыл бұрын

Same

@lisalisa13green 2 жыл бұрын

It is a nightmare. I just don’t get why? I wanted my husband sexually all of the time. He threw my hands off of him constantly, and then chose porn, the younger the better. I was only. 27, when he started. He finally admitted when I turned 42… He has multiple sexual dysfunctions now and is a different person.

@iramsavir5631 Жыл бұрын

Ditto! That's all he does! He's addicted to porn. Porn also leads to cheating. He's a serial cheater. We now live as roommates (children and finances prevent me from leaving), but I dream about it every day! This isn't what I signed up for. He refuses to admit his affairs and gets angry if I bring it up. He says we should just be happy and life is too short. That I am making a big deal for nothing and I make myself sick and unhappy. He accepts no blame whatsoever.

@roysusanto6062 Жыл бұрын

couldn’t have been said better. Regrets come too late..

@Jennyoda1 5 жыл бұрын

Hi Samuel. Thank you for all your videos they really help. My family needs help. Is there help in Los Angeles?

@whatif2336 5 жыл бұрын

How do I get over the PTSD? After 7 years I am still suffering trauma after this long.

@samshealingpodcast 5 жыл бұрын

you'll need someone who is trained in ett, emdr or even eft. it won't go away on it's own and expert help will not make it go away but help you heal over time with an effective process. it's a must my friend.

@whatif2336 5 жыл бұрын

Overcoming Infidelity thank you❤️

@ed1476 4 жыл бұрын

What If I think I feel the same way.

@scarcity21 Жыл бұрын

@@samshealingpodcast what’s ett, emdr, eft?

@graphicventures 4 жыл бұрын

She joined a new job and then on [ we have been married 24 years] i started to see changes in her behavior towards me. whenever i sought clarifications on some issues that to me seemed detrimental to the marriage, she would be defensive and accuse me of questioning her character / morals. its over 5 months now and i have got some more clues that something isn't right, she fiercely defends and denies any involvement outside of marriage till this day. Although whatever i have with me is circumstantial, it strongly points out she is involved. It has now come to a point where she does not mind breaking up the marriage. I am 55 and this has completely destroyed me. we have 2 grown up kids.

@biancaopala99 Ай бұрын

Your videos are helping me understand my husband's behaviour so well thank you

@coriettapadilla9977 Жыл бұрын

I know for me it's a hard pill to swallow that they can love two people at once. I don't believe I can whatsoever. Love just isn't feelings to me. It's action. Especially when the going gets tough. In my situation I thought my marriage was amazing. I literally just had a baby and I thought it was time for us to bond as our little family grew. I was so caught off guard when my sister in law told me my husband said it was rocky lol. I was surprised. I put my all into my marriage and my babies and I was loving it. I always tried to keep the lines of communication open with my husband that if he wasn't getting something from me then he could talk to me about it no matter what. But I really don't think he ever took our relationship as serious as I did and honestly I still don't think he does. Our relationship has turned into business as usual. He didn't mind throwing me out right after giving birth. It was a super dark and scary time for me because I had a dangerous delivery and my dad was harassing me. My dad had mental illness from years of severe drug abuse and he was saying really cruel things to me at the time. Idk the story can go on and on but I don't believe someone can truly love two people at once and thrive. So what is that they are really feeling?

@ssiegreen5292 Жыл бұрын

I think in those cases where there are multiple APs - it's mostly lust, horniness, and a powerplay - where they feel they are superior because they can pull the wool over your eyes. And ears. In longterm affairs and/or emotional affairs it might well be love - to some extent. People change with age and so do their feelings in their relationships. You have changed, he has changed, some people refuse to grow and mature, some simply refuse to grow up and take responsibility for their choices. And in this time of the "hook-up" generation - for many it's difficult to make that switch from "single + free to do whatever without responsibility for their actions" life to married, monogamous and dedicated spouse and parent.

@ashleyhall919 6 жыл бұрын

Hi Sam. I have watched many of your videos and appreciate the information you have shared. This video reiterates what my husband has been telling me. It's hard to wrap my mind around all of the everyday actions he chose for a year and a half. On another note, I am struggling with wanting to address directly his affair partner. I want to tell her that I know what she did with my husband. She told him that she thought her husband was cheating on her, and then she turned around and inflicted that pain on someone else. This was a secret work affair. I want to tell her I know about them and not keep him and I a secret. Does this sound ridiculous? Part of me wants revenge and to cause some do damage to her life, but that just isn't me. I hate what this has done to me; my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

@samshealingpodcast 6 жыл бұрын

yah i get it. this article will help my friend: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/2009-06a it typically never goes well to contact the affair partner. it's normal for sure, but it never bodes well or gives us what we think it will give us.

@ashleyhall919 6 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your support.

@ashleyk683 6 жыл бұрын

I contacted all the women that had affairs with my husband and I’m glad I did! They were not just going to move on with their lives without hearing from me!

@reshnanaran3009 2 жыл бұрын

I wish I had the guts to confront her as well to get the truth out of her which she denied having affair with my husband, he too denied, he died 6 months ago taking the truth with him,, I need closure,,do I go to her and ask her,??the affair took place 40 years ago but it still eats me up to smithereens...advice pls.

@roroo Жыл бұрын

@@reshnanaran300940 years? what is your story?

@robbrown39 6 жыл бұрын

My unfaithful wife has a lot of issues with showing humility. She keeps saying we both did this. And I can't get through to her that because I'm the betrayed one that it has to start with her. Her response is ego driven blame shifting by accusing me not giving her the attention she desired. Do you have a blog post addressing this specific issue?

@samshealingpodcast 6 жыл бұрын

hi rob. there may be some things there in the video blogs. you'll have to see what you find, as i'm out of the office all week in meetings and traveling a bit. i would ask her to do some sort of work though to help address those issues. you can do this course: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-online that may help for sure. i would also insist on some sort of help for both of you as she can't hear you, she only hears what she perceives you are saying. this video will also help you understand what is going on in the dynamic you're facing: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/j8iql7KF28_Zcn0.html

@Pinkprincessdee90 6 жыл бұрын

My spouse is the same way . Rob , you couldn't have explained it any better .

@kevinharrissr5255 5 жыл бұрын

Wow this is exactly my situation with my wife. She'll even go as far as saying I drove her to this man. There is no trace of repentance in her at all and she always seems to be so angry with me since she ended the affair. I'm of the opinion that he probably ended the affair and that's what's causing her extreme moods swings. Because of her cavalier attitude about her affair and the fact that we've been separated since then, not to mention she doesn't share my faith and that the pain that I'm still dealing with because of her infidelity dosent seem to bother her at all, it's time for me to let it go. I'll continue to diligently pray for her, but God did not intend for us to live this way. Hopefully your marriage will have a better result. I'll be praying for you. God bless

@dannyp8503 5 жыл бұрын

Are you doing ok now? What is it like now?

@noeleendavel9073 4 жыл бұрын

My husband had an emotional affair for over 6 years, until I found out, and then he even had the nerve to change her name to something else. It even took him over 6 months to delete her from all social media and photos of her. I am angry, bitter, betrayed and devastated. The constant lies I was told and he refuses to go for counselling as he says it does not work. He says he is sorry and in the same breath that I must forget about the past and move forward and be positive about our relationship. I feel he has taken no accountability and to me this is gas lightning in that he cannot validate my hurt, anguish, sorrow and despair. He gets cross when I tell him I cannot trust him. Honestly how do I get over this?

@samshealingpodcast 4 жыл бұрын

i'm so sorry. it would appear, you're going to have to get over this on your own. here is course we have for betrayed spouses: www.affairrecovery.com/product/harboring-hope here is a free introductory program as well you can do as soon as you like: www.affairrecovery.com/surviving-infidelity/first-steps-bootcamp i would also get help for the betrayal trauma you've experienced and are having to walk through. i know it's awful, but you can heal. you may consider utilizing these two resources to get your husband to cooperate with expert help though: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/how-get-mate-cooperate www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/they-get-say-no-life-going-change

@ItsLady_Ray 2 жыл бұрын

God can help you. You’ll get through this!!!

@mrchevy73 2 жыл бұрын

This sounds so much like my wife

@preshusfemm1 2 жыл бұрын

I'm in counseling and even my therapist says, what is my partner currently doing? Very frustrating 😕

@hbrookes Жыл бұрын

You can go out with me as my wife had an emotional affair for years while we were married! We need to shame them into what they lost!

@smilyblessings1315 5 жыл бұрын

Sadly 11yrs married ,6kids after he cheated he's done😥

@CarolDudeck-bl7kz 4 жыл бұрын

I still ask myself this question three years later!😩

@ST-cy6we Жыл бұрын

My wife was not afraid of losing her marriage. She wanted out but she was a coward until she met the next guy.. I discovered it a week after it began. She denied cheating but "ordered" me to get a divorce lawyer. Then the affair ditched her after 3 weeks... Why not just be an adult and end the marriage with love and respect, without getting "the next guy" first?

@JohnDoe-xg6gn Жыл бұрын

Exactly! Same for me, but her affair is still ongoing. She can't leave me because we're unfortunately financially codependent on each other. If we weren't I would have left by now. Gosh what a hell.

@kraorroark2726 5 жыл бұрын

I had our daughter 9 days ago... im so devastated.

@tersiasnyman5742 5 жыл бұрын

My heart goes out to you. How are you coping? My husband refuses to talk about it, all he says is ‘it’s not as if I am going to move in with her”.

@kraorroark2726 4 жыл бұрын

@@tersiasnyman5742 still hurts just as much as the day i found out. I feel like shit about myself. I find more times then not, i close myself in the bathroom when he gets home and can take the baby. I just sob. I hate him for what he has done to me, but at the same time love him. Idk how to ever forgive him for this. More than likely will end up leaving. And your husband sounds like an asshole! Im so sorry he does those horrible things to you 😢

@BoboJuseyo 4 жыл бұрын

My baby is 3 months old. I feel you and as a mother I can sympathize with your pain. She’s our first baby.

@kraorroark2726 4 жыл бұрын

@@BoboJuseyo same 😔 I hope it gets better for you 💛

@Spokentruths725 4 жыл бұрын

Tersia Snyman how are you coping? Its one thing to do it but then to completely dismiss it as if was nothing has got to be hurtful. Almost as if he doesn’t care smh.

@leowalan5463 6 жыл бұрын

Thanks Samuel..

@samshealingpodcast 6 жыл бұрын

pleasure leow.

@lisahutchinson1071 5 жыл бұрын

My husband had an emotional affair or at least that is what he says, I dont believe anything he say now. Yes, it has been 6 months and it still penetrates every second of every day and night. We have been married 32 yrs, children are grown. He thinks I should be over and doesn't even want to talk about it now and magically he is now saying it was my fault. I dont think I can move on but I cant seem to move out either. I am miserable and slowly feel my love for my husband dying being replaced by hate and disgust.

@the_one_who-knocks 5 жыл бұрын

Same here

@onthehill3381 4 жыл бұрын

I totally understand. I have just been doing things for myself, Exploring my own interests and hobbies apart from him. Finding things that bring me happiness apart from him. Making that my focus and seeing where that leads and making life about me right now greatly helped.

@patrickdensmore6779 2 жыл бұрын

Has it gotten any better mam?

@iramsavir5631 Жыл бұрын

Ditto!!

@marypowell9804 Ай бұрын

Same here

@TheUnknownWanderer 2 жыл бұрын

From the beginning my anger was directed solely to my wife’s coworker. Due to the emotional manipulation. And from what you have said it makes complete sense why she did what she did, all I need to know know is how to not want to severely hurt that person.

@lotusmccary9365 2 жыл бұрын

It is so easy to focus your anger on the third party who had nothing to do with any agreement you and your partner had. It hurts more to think you were betrayed by the one you loved

@ernieball154 8 ай бұрын

The anger is real.. 'wo to the man that lies with another man's wife'.. They've ruined both of their lives. It's best to move on and leave em be to their own demise.

@marioc5932 4 жыл бұрын

Right on point!

@TrophyHunterTyler 2 жыл бұрын

My unfaithful spouse has been "depressed" for hmmm... Since D-Day (my birthday) and she doesn't seem happy, doesn't care about being intimate or showing empathy for the pain she caused. She says, "I'm depressed cus I think about what I did to you" but her depression IMHO I think is "I want out" "idgaf" and every night she gets high and passes out what do I do?

@maryhess6360 5 жыл бұрын

Really struggling with this right now as the D day anniversary is coming up and my spouse is annoyed that I'm still having a tough time. "That there's nothing more that he can do for me, I just don't want to move on or I'm not able to." I feel lost and hopeless.

@samshealingpodcast 5 жыл бұрын

here are two helpful pieces on anniversaries that may help you and may even help him understand: www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/d-day-when-anniversaries-attack www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/how-do-you-handle-anniversaries-discovering-infidelity and this one too i found: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/g5OCiLahx5bDdHU.html you're not lost.....you have you...you have help...you have these videos and so many other resources out there....you're worth the struggle to find healing and hope my friend. you are worth the effort to get healthy and push forward and heal. i know it's tough as hell. but YOU are worth it.

@ar_aitch5266 3 жыл бұрын

My situation is after I caught his first affair and he ended it well no, his AP ended it. We came to an aggrement that he should be honest with me. And now, I know that he has another new affair. Just total disrespectful how he would bring his AP in the same building we live in.

@cyndikrysiak213 3 жыл бұрын

TY very helpful

@priyafidelis1909 5 жыл бұрын

One week after my wedding, I went through the foot amputation, was in bed for almost a year, my husband stays in the UK and I in India, he come down once last year and went back in 15days, I was very lonely and frustrated I'm pain for many months and thought that he would leave me cause I lost my foot and job and in frustration I committed adultery and since he told me he was a swinger and also had affair with women after engagement, and I went forward and slept with another man, but I truly love my husband and spoke to him about it, but he keeps hurting me, what do I do, please help

@cbfitnesstrainer 4 жыл бұрын

Hi Samuel! Again, I love your videos..really do. I'm having a hard time with this one, though. Quick scenario. Married in 2002. Found pornography in 2004-5. As a result of that, I asked him to leave (he refused) and I eventually left first for a couple of weeks, and he then began porno addict classes. Then, later when I found that was BS and found evidence it wasn't over, I then left for a year in 2015-16! When I left, we talked about how I was going to work on healing myself and he was going to get to the root of his issues. Fast forward to 2018, I learn that instead of working on himself, he was instead in relationships, and fast forward to late 2018, I find out there are several APS. Sooo???? somehow he didn't know what was gonna happen? Really? The writing was in big black letters on the wall! I filed legal separation April 2018! Please help me with this thinking...

@samshealingpodcast 4 жыл бұрын

i don't see anything wrong with what you're thinking. you've done what seems to be all you can do my friend. i'm very sorry for the pain you're in and the agony you've had to go through.

@lavaughnmoore1891 3 жыл бұрын

If a child came out of the situation. How to deal with this?

@tochiieonokala7205 5 жыл бұрын

is it good to keep contacting my betrayed boyfriend after he says he needs space?

@patrickmcbride2948 4 жыл бұрын

I would like some help in making sure I am finding the correct people to creat my safety mechanisms. So I would like to ask if people you work with via company owners or upper authoritarian in the company would be a good choice for this?

@samshealingpodcast 4 жыл бұрын

hi there. i'm not quite sure what you're asking for my friend? this is a group on our site that's exceptional for unfaithful spouses: www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing and for betrayed spouses: www.affairrecovery.com/product/harboring-hope they are exceptional sources of support, perspective and insight. i hope that answers your questions.

@alleygraham3620 5 жыл бұрын

My wife tells me that her heart is with me but her mind is not what does that mean?

@samshealingpodcast 5 жыл бұрын

she's bombarded with reminders and triggers and intrusive thoughts. she feels triggered and she feels overwhelmed and she feels like she can't think straight and can't probably wrap her mind around being with you.

@deepakkumar-oi1qp Жыл бұрын

how does one know that one is in the right place to feel humble and not lash out? i may feel i am, but is it really so!

@intuitiveshadow2582 6 жыл бұрын

Samuel, I am a betrayed spouse who has bitten back with a lot of anger recently to my spouse. There is fear on his behalf that if we were to end the separation that all we would do would be fight like we have most recently. How can I help him to dissipate that fear. At this time our communication is so few and far between and I can tell he is treading lightly. I am trying my best to not react on my emotions straight away without first journaling and reflecting, however I want him to have trust in me that we can resolve things easily and that his fear is just that fear not reality

@samshealingpodcast 6 жыл бұрын

HI K. i would get help in place to bring some confidence and security to the both of you that you have boundaries in place and that you're getting expert help outside yourself. if you don't have help in place like 1. ems weekend 2. ems online 3. seeing an expert professional etc. then there won't be much security as it is clear that you guys aren't talking much. if comm is few and far between, then it's probably a sign you guys can't talk much. so i would get expert help in place and that will probably make a huge impact on him and creating safety for you both. i don't think journaling and reflecting will be enough without the right help in place. does that make sense?

@intuitiveshadow2582 6 жыл бұрын

Hi Samuel thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my question. Yes that does make a lot of sense. I do see someone personally regarding how to approach confrontation in a more appropriate matter, he is aware of that, however at this time he is still hesitant. The communications this week alone have gone from one or two texts to a phone call every evening for a few hours. I am seeing this as progress, but making a conscious effort to not fall back into nagging, and insecure confrontation when he is having space or is busy with something else. I feel that this is small steps and asking as we both are making the effort like this week things will improve. Thankyou again, your videos have helped me as a betrayed spouse to understand and help me through this difficult time.

@jdrumz321ify 2 жыл бұрын

Im thinking my wife justifies her affair by the fact that she asked for a trial separation (where we go to marriage counseling and still have date nights). However we never agreed about seeing other people and we're still living under the same roof when it started

@jamieyoussef 3 жыл бұрын

This is so powerful, I have never heard the "other side". What do you do when you can't get over what happened and can't imagine your life without him? I want to stay and he is doing everything, but I am so blindsided and hurt that I and he suffer every day and night.

@sunshinepurple1043 5 жыл бұрын

I've owned my responsibility. Even apologized. He refuses to take responsibility for his. One thing I just can't fathom is why he chose a cocaine addicted hooker over us.

@boostuse 4 жыл бұрын

So sorry for your pain.

@esgravois 2 жыл бұрын

Sometimes they choose the opposite of what they have. It shows how they have their mind compartmentalized.

@slyfoxmoney 4 жыл бұрын

This is all true

@JBrown-qb5sq 6 жыл бұрын

Samuel, I have gained so much insight from you video blogs. My husband didn't have a "real" affair. However, he betrayed me with a compulsive secret porn habit and I have major psychological issues from this. He will not fully admit the extent of his dependence on porn. I have tried to get him to relate to your messages in your videos, but he doesn't think it applies because to him he didn't really cheat. Do you have any advise for me to help him understand that even if it wasn't a "real" affair, even if it wasn't the "worst" thing he could have done that the consequences are very real and similar. Thanks in advance.

@samshealingpodcast 6 жыл бұрын

hi jessica. so glad you're here. i'm sorry he doesn't get it. most experts will tell you infidelity is the keeping of secrets from your spouse. that's a whole definition. by remaining in denial, it doesn't help anyone. it won't bring healing to remain in denial. as unf, we always look for excuses and we always look to minimize our choices and affairs, and i'm sorry he's done that. i would tell him that as long as he remains in denial, you're going to feel stuck and find it hard to draw close to him and if he's comfortable with that, then there is going to be an even bigger problem in your marriage and recovery. the reality is porn is a form of cheating and every expert out there in infidelity will attest to the same thing. here's an article on it: www.xxxchurch.com/men/looking-porn-thing-cheating.html and another www.covenanteyes.com/2015/01/19/using-porn-is-cheating/

@user-zm3ny8tw4x 5 күн бұрын

I see a lack of gratitude for what is good and sacred in the cheater's marriage and life. They want more, excitement, not stability and the familiarity of a long-term relationship.

@jso9116 2 жыл бұрын

My husband is a serial cheater. He actually said he was unfaithful but loyal 🙄

@mavericksuniverse6470 3 ай бұрын

Because it was important enough. That’s why you live on

@michaeljohnson-br6gm 2 жыл бұрын

She only thought about it after she destroyed our 3 year relationship , trust , and who I am .

@surgicalninja216 Жыл бұрын

My spouse is always at the forefront of my decisions…

@cortneys22 5 жыл бұрын

It's been almost 10 years since I've been betrayed. The way I see myself since then is quite trying. How.long does the trauma last?

@dannyp8503 5 жыл бұрын

You should not see yourself any differently. The betrayed is the one who is ill not you. It's not about you it's about them. Your not a victim they are. Be proud of who you are. You can look at yourself in the mirror and say I didnt do anything wrong to make them do this.

@edvin917 4 жыл бұрын

Cortney 10 years? Omg it hapen to me 6 months ago...not good yet:(

@davidhodge2085 6 жыл бұрын

Do you have any videos on betrayed spouses deciding to leave? My wife has past trauma from childhood and has always been quick to run away from tough situations instead of deal with them. She’s now divorcing me even though I have been taking my recovery very seriously (CR, men’s group, finally seeking God, etc) She feels She can’t possibly be intimate with me ever again, but I think it’s just fear telling her that.

@samshealingpodcast 6 жыл бұрын

hi david, you're welcome to search here and see: www.affairrecovery.com/our-blog i dont have anything that i'm aware of besides what you'll find there. would she do the ems weekend as a hail mary before finalizing the divorce or no?

@davidhodge2085 6 жыл бұрын

Thank you for the response! I don’t think she’s willing to but will mention it if I see an opening. She said to “stay out of my recovery.” I was being too pushy so now I’m having to back down and accept the consequences of my actions. I’m doing my best to trust God to restore us eventually. Thank you for all your videos! They’re so insightful and practical. Can’t thank you enough!

@samshealingpodcast 6 жыл бұрын

i get it. it's my pleasure my friend. standing with you. i know it's tough. one day at a time, courageously.

@glendatalamantes8106 5 жыл бұрын

I have a lot of drama from my past but Im the one trying to work it out well he is the one who choses to NOT talk about it or give me what I need too know. I never ran from my past was only hurt by it and he knew this too only do the same thing. My heart was already hard to love and now this.

@stephencraig9006 2 жыл бұрын

@@davidhodge2085 I know this is 3 years old, are you and your wife restored?

@AmySarahSmith 5 жыл бұрын

Apparently he was happy with both me and my ex bff. He didn't want to split up but all he could do is talk about her, how great she was blah blah blah. I even hated her then and now I hate both of them.

@MBRS16 Жыл бұрын

But what happens after the discovery and in 5-6 months into the healing process they are aware of all the things that could be lost if they do it again. And are apologizing and remorseful and tell you how could they ever do that to you. Then do it again

@deniseban5281 4 жыл бұрын

I'm at a loss...iv been dealing with a sex addicted boyfriend for 2.5 yrs..hes done counciling and group therapy and relapsed yesterday and I caught him...Hes really putting himself In dangerous situations. I just cant help him anymore..should I tell his family so they can help him?

@deniseban5281 4 жыл бұрын

Oh and now hes blaming me because he said I triggered him to relapse because I questioned him and accused him of cheating because I had a bad vibe he was..

@samshealingpodcast 4 жыл бұрын

it's absurd for him to blame you for his cheating. sorry to be so pointed. but that's the truth. it's probably his shame and embarrassment for relapsing again. remember relapse is always about pride. thinking he can do it on his own and he doesn't need recovery work. he's lashing out as he's mad at himself and probably projecting on to you. i'm not sure you should tell the family as that may backfire. i would demand he get expert help again and consider either a separation, or something along those lines if he can't abide by your boundaries. here are two helpful links to empower yourself: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/how-get-mate-cooperate www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/they-get-say-no-life-going-change

@melissacundiff4270 5 жыл бұрын

But hubby still talks to his ex wife alot he says he loves me but still has feelings for her too I feel so betrayed but he doesn't feel there's anything wrong with it. I feel like there's another woman there that I'm having to complete with

@Happy_Content_Whole Ай бұрын

Why is the unfaithful partner the only one to blame in the whole situation? What was it that the betrayed partner did or did not do that led them down the path of having an affair in the first place? Just because the affair partner steps out of the marriage they are automatically considered the wrong one and there is no responsibility placed on the betrayed partner. A relationship is a 2 person job. Not just 1. So the betrayed partner too needs to accept their part in the breakdown.

@leahpalladino9381 4 ай бұрын

They don’t think about it cuz they don’t care if they they still don’t care

@Sharon-777 2 жыл бұрын

Just saying sometimes they're not losing much

@JohnnyRebKy 4 жыл бұрын

My GF of 12 years threw her entire life away in a single week. We actually had a good relationship but she stopped her bipolar medications and went totally manic. All the things she was happy with are suddenly now all her problems. Total personality change. What’s sad is when she comes out of it she will realize she has lost everything. Steady stable home and bright future. She will come dragging back in a few months and I’m going to already be moved on. Warning to anybody else who is bipolar....making decisions when your manic is like making decisions when your drunk. Don’t do it!

@woodstockwitch Жыл бұрын

When he chooses the same acts that devastate his wife over and over for years...yes, he does know the cost

@jensbornagain Жыл бұрын

How can you not think about hurting your spouse or loosing them. See I never put myself in situations that would hurt my husband. But he did many times. We always said to each other if you can’t come home and tell them what your doing you shouldn’t be doing it. Or how about when they get home from cheating and have to look their spouse in the face and have to lie that’s a sign your doing something you shouldn’t be. I was raised with strict consequences of what happens when you screw people. I don’t buy it

@LutherPittman 2 жыл бұрын

What if your spouse preached to you about the consequences of cheating and then they do it? So they knew what could happen.

@samshealingpodcast 2 жыл бұрын

it happens quite often. we have blind spots and we can justify anything. we also never think we're going to be found out so we can say that, but not really connect with it. are you getting any help anywhere? is your spouse open to getting help?

@xDiananas Жыл бұрын

ahaha I got the « I cheated before, I have been cheated on, I will never do it again » and then proceeds to do it 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ This is one of the most incomprehensible thing for me. He knew how it affected him and he knew how it could affect me…

@YourBoyStevoVA 4 жыл бұрын

7:31 to 8:00 sounds like me.

@reginasky2412 4 жыл бұрын

Guess when I found out my husband had been seeking attention from another woman behind my back? When he came home from the hospital to receive hospice care in our home and I looked at his phone to see which of his friends to contact to tell them he was dying. Yes that happened. I discovered his dishonesty and disrespect toward me when he was dying. Up until then I thought he was a wonderful man and I loved and admired him deeply.

@CaToRi- 4 жыл бұрын

I’m so sorry for you. This is an awful double whammy. You were a committed woman, you gave the best of you and God knows it. I ‘ll pray for you. Have a virtual hug from me 🤗

@indym375 5 жыл бұрын

👂👂

@lidadiaz7795 6 жыл бұрын

is it worth for the betrayed to talk to or confront the affair partner?

@samshealingpodcast 6 жыл бұрын

almost never and here is an article why: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/2009-06a

@lidadiaz7795 6 жыл бұрын

hi! it says below my comment that u have a reply... how come i cant find/read it?

@Mimi-cq4bg 6 жыл бұрын

Never talk to the other woman/man. You will never know if what they're telling you is true or not. You (and i) will never get the full story. Never. You either forgive your partner, accepting you'll never truly know, and you forgive them on faith. If you can't forgive them without knowing... you'll never be able to forgive them and stay together. You may be together but you will always resent and doubt them.

@georgevue8175 Жыл бұрын

The whole time my wife cheated (3 years) she was stressed & miserable & with an infant child she didn't have much time to give to her lover. What kind of man effs another man's wife knowing her & the husband still live together, sleep together, have sex together, take vacations together & are raising kids together? To me it's both creepy & sleazy & who in their right mind wants sloppy seconds, to me that's disgusting.

@scottpaulsen7845 Жыл бұрын

I have been wondering the same thing? In my case my wife even told him that she had no intention of leaving me. In fact she would tell him all the fun things we do together even the sex! I am sure that he wanted more than she did, he kept pressuring her to continue. It's messy for sure. I hate that it happened, but am trying to move past it. My wife has been amazing the last 3mo since I found out about it and hates herself for what she has done.

@meganstokes7075 4 жыл бұрын

You have managed to dissect something and to generalize it as well. No infidelity is the same. I feel like there is no help for me.

@Hurtman2000 9 ай бұрын

it's been 3 years, how are you doing now?

@brendabernier5096 4 жыл бұрын

Said all this he lies denys

@priyafidelis1909 5 жыл бұрын

I committed adultery, I felt really sorry and the pain I caused to my husband, I kept telling him about it , but he keeps hurting me and asks me to take financial support from the man I had an affair, but I'm in no way in contact with him and don't want to, I also have an amputed foot and lost my job Please help me how to take away the pain from my husband's heart, I don't want to loose him, I love him, I regret for what I have done