Struggle of being an introverted woman in India.. Wanting alone-time is perceived as the height of selfishness.

Good topic. Phones of women are often checked by families on time to time. But they never check mental health of women. How women are harassed time to time.

my brother was once asked by my mother "why you need to lock the phone if you have nothing to hide,locking the phone itself means that you are doing something wrong?" then my brother replied, why do we lock the loo? why don't we shit open doors, because literally there is nothing to hide. We all know what do we do there? but we do lock the door! that's privacy everyone needs. There's some part of us that no one should see, and it doesn't mean we are doing something wrong.

We often always link women as either mothers, daughters, Sisters or wives. Nothing wrong with that but we treat our own women as a property of men which strips off her own agency

When will most parents understand that you can have a completely platonic relationship with a guy? Texting or talking to a guy doesn't mean you have to be romantically involved with him 🤦🏻‍♀️

Now when I think , I feel that most of the mothers don't even know that they can have privacy!

This topic hits home. :( My parents can't even keep their hands off my personal diary. I really have no one to share my actual thoughts and feelings with, and now that they think they have a right to read my diary( "jo chhupana pare wo kaam galat hee to hoga") it is even more difficult for me. Even more so because I am an introvert.

Let's all hope that the next decade sees women gaining more independence and control of their own lives. Happy Independence Day!

Fact is that the Indian society doesn’t understand the meaning of privacy altogether, therefore forget about women’s privacy requirement. To most in this country, privacy is akin to secrecy, which again according to our primitive mindset, is grossly immoral. People find immense pleasure in announcing that their lives are open books, all the while brushing dirty, uncomfortable family secrets under the carpet. Take a survey to see if people value their privacy, and the prevalent answer will be if I do not have anything to hide, why do I need privacy. Our patriarchal upbringing hinders our understanding of privacy as a basic human right. And this is why we don’t bat an eyelid (and rather celebrate) when our government unabashedly brings in voyeuristic laws in the name of national security.

Because the Indian society sees women as property that they all have a right over. Also why many deny marital rape is a thing cause for them a husband owns his wife and can do anything without the consent of the woman. Bruh the guy with a Japanese name is a whole different breed down there.Go at your own risk😂

My mother thinks that getting privacy or "me time" for herself makes her a "bad mother". I want her to do things she wants to do and doesn't have to do. She says that she derives happiness through our (her children's) lives. This feels unhealthy to me but I have no idea on what to do about it.

I'm so lucky that my parents respect my privacy! Even though there's nothing bad in it,my mom is always like,"I have no interest in reading your friend's chats!" 😂

And then there are cases where teenage girls who have been strictly monitored and kept under control are the ones who get "secret" boyfriends first or have higher chances of "eloping" later in life compared to girls who have been given considerably more freedom...

Though I never felt that but yes I have heard from many people how their parents snatch their phones, don't let them go outside, after knowing that they were talking to a guy.

I used a maintain a personal diary during my teenage days... but my elder sister once saw it- flipped through it's pages- got to know about my boyfriend and handed over the diary to my parents by calling me a 'characterless' person (I was 13 then and that was my first ever relationship which my sister ruined with a lot of enthusiasm) !!! And I guess we'll can well relate to what happened next ... 10 years down the line I share a fairly fine bond with my sister but I still have that incident etched in my mind !

Privacy is a myth in indian society. Parents think that untill and unless there children and they are under same roof children have to share everything with there parents also there cell phone. Even sometimes children don't even have privacy to *cry* alone. Parents should let there children have some privacy cause sometime time heals problem rather then talking and thinking about it much. Privacy is everyone's need irrispective to age.

My parents don't receive calls in my phone forget about checking.... They do not care with whom I am chatting or talking... Coz they know their daughter doesn't take shit from others... And in my home it's a rule if someone doesn't tell u about his / her gf or bf do not guess/ ask... I proud of my parents...

Cinema also has a big hand in shaping the ideologies of these people.Popular movies of 90's especially those made by sooraj barjatya set the bar of ideal Sanskari women and orthodox families.

I have been depressed almost all my life because of people always monitoring me in the name of protection. My mom used to (she used to do it but not now) criticize the shape of my breast and belly and never allowed me to wear any modern dress (like tshirts and jeans) without wearing a shawl or overcoat above it..because of this i started feeling ashamed of my own body My dad always sends my brother with me whenever i want to go out, they dont understand that i am kind of introverted and want some me-time away from family..because of this i stopped going out altogether My boyfriend always reads my messages and asks me not to speak with boys who try to flirt with me, and if i speak with them, he fights with me..i understand that its for my own good, but i should be the one to decide whom i speak with and whom i dont right? I hate the fact that other people are deciding what i should wear, with whom i should speak, at what time where i should go.. my heart is broken and im crying while writing this 💔 Dear god, give me one day, just one day, to live my own freaking life the way i want, and not the way the above mentioned people want.

Now that i think about it, my papa has never asked me to show him what's on my phone. Only my phone in the whole house is password protected. My room door is also always closed. I think that i am the one person in this house with most privacy. Although this cannot be expected of all households. Even when my mama mami come, they spend time in the living room only and rarely disturb my privacy. Now that you have made such a video that i realize how much i have in this aspect and other people lack.

Finally someone is talking about it!! Privacy is very important. A person, irrespective of their gender, needs to spend time with themselves, and sometimes be alone with their thought.

Do they give anyone privacy? Privacy just isn't respected in India.

We women are property of our father and husband " This is the thought every indian family has Including my father I literally don't have privacy at all

😌Even in my teenage, my privacy was never hindered 👍🏻

Let's give all genders true independence!

I want my kids to grow into sensible individuals , and their privacy matters.

Youngsters who are watching, remember that you are upcoming and progressive generation of India. You need to break these ridiculous superstitions in our society so that anyone for that matter may not face these kinds of problem in future. Godspeed

All of this channel related to all south Asian women including us Nepal 🇳🇵

Yes , woman also need privacy. Happy independence day to everyone ❤️.

I would like to give a big thank you to the whole team of "the swaddle" ..I'm a school going girl preparing for my medical entrance.. You guys literally gave a new direction to my thought process, decision making powers and priortising my career and financial independence.. Thank you so much to show the side of my own individuality but not just as a sister or daughter.. Thank you so much to show me the real side of the society and to give me the courage to fight against all odds so that I can bring pride to my parents and grandparents 🙏🙏🙏

My father is very open minded person.He never tries to disturb my privacy because he himself is a victim of this social mindset.But my mother still thinks that giving too much privacy to a girl can spoil her.She often checks in my room.She always says that don't talk to a boy,not even to a girl of different caste.Whenever I see a girl talking to a guy i feel that she is too spoiled by her parents.I tried to change my mindset but everytime get failed because of my strict environment.

This is so so true. The only time we leave mothers alone is on Hallmark holidays ...

I literally cry for privacy ... And my parents think for what I should get privacy ... They don't even let me study alone peacefully !! In simple words ....they don't belive me ... I'm 14 right now .... I actually want my me-time .... Sometimes it feels to be left alone .... Whenever I am in my room alone ..they think I'm doing something wrong ... My parents are too much interfering....once I had problems in making friends ....they were like !!!!..huh...can't explain ! Privacy is relly important for anyone not only girls but everyone!!!!

Perfect video on independence day. The country got independence 75 years ago but women still didn't. Hope these upcoming years will bring change in the society. My brother used to check my phone when I was younger. But now he doesn't. Glad to see changes in my own house.

Women stand stand up instead of supporting this. If a mother says something it will be implemented as home as she has more influence. But instead they hate their kids for not suffering what she did. So until women chnage , nothing will

I'm so grateful for my parents in this regard. They give me privacy and also trust me with my friends, be it boys or girls. I've seen my close friends telling me how they are constantly monitored. It's too hard in this lockdown. The only time she could be herself was in the school. But the online classes pushed her into 24/7 surveillance of their parents. She actually calls us to speak and text us at the same time if she wants to tell things without her parents knowing. It's hard for me to even imagine my friend in that situation. But for her it's reality.

My mom told me "Achi ladki road par phone par BAAT nhi krti". I don't blame her. This what she was taught by society. I hope one day I'll help her to realise her importance ❤️

A real life experience which I have to go through everyday. The hurt of not getting privacy cuts deep

"They tend to be emotionally dependent in relationships because they have been raised to not value individuality" - Spot on 💯

There's a difference between "protecting" and "controlling" and this video portrays it clearly. I'm glad my parents only do the protective part. I have my own phone, and no one checks my chats or anything, i go out with friends, but they don't track me, they just ask me where I'm going. That's the differennccceee!

Yes me (a boy) and my sister don't get any privacy although she suffers more than me i know it but i try to stand up for her and encourage her to stand up for herself too We just can't WAIT to move out of this toxic environment

Happy Independence Day to all.... My mind : Who all really got Independence??? Also my mind : It only means Independence from a cruel foreign rule ......... When are we really going to get Independence from this discriminatory society ?? When an outsider calls us Indians 'barbaric' , it's considered a big thing ..... When the people with in our own society becomes discriminatory, it's considered conventional or traditional or culture........

I had this privacy talk with my dad a few months back. DID NOT END WELL!

will we teach and control our boys? HELL NO will we control our women and take away their freedom? HELL YEAH (this is totally sarcastic, i know many boys have been taught good values and a woman can also be wrong. i respect all genders)

one question that I listen to in every space of my family and that annoys me so much is that always, just always asking all the women in our family, "where are u? (even when they are in the balcony and the hubby can't see her sitting in the sofa, watching a movie, so think she is somewhere else, where idk, maybe he thinks she has the ability to disappear, XD)", "where are u going?", and so on and on... and no woman, however old or matured they become, get rid of such surveillance and the tone in which the questions are asked, the hostility, the disbelief; it hurts and shames me to see the closest family members behave in this hurtful way. My grandpa, my pa; one of them just nags every single woman of our family all the freaking time (my grandma, my aunts, my mom, me; everyone) and another one just messes with my mom's daily life in this way. I hate this. We do know how to take care of ourselves and don't tell me u mean good, bcz ur tone and how u look at us tell otherwise. It hurts and it shames me to see even my mom, the strong lady of my life, who just shoulders the whole family, be looked at in this way by my very close family members.

What about sexual harassment within homes? How can a women have a safe place in home? Women aren't safe until the ill mindset prevails. Women need privacy, so people should stop bothering them.

All of my cousin's parents are so modern and open-minded. One day, my cousin sister was going to Australia for studies, and the day before that she had a little re-union of all my cousins and aunts as we wouldn't see her in a while. She invited her guy friends too which were very friendly and everyone was so comfortable with them. Even my cousin's mothers were also talking to them. But my mother and maternal grandmother were whispering to each other like, "This girl is going out of hand", "Now she has male friends too", "What will she do in Australia?". And I was listening to them, like wth can't we have guy friends. One day my same cousin who went to Australia sent me a pic of her wearing a frock, which was not scandalous at all and was very cute. I texted her it's very pretty and you should buy it. But my mom sneakily took my phone and checked my sister's frock, she sent that pic to every of my aunts and said "Look how short clothes she wears". I didn't told it to my cousins as it would start a fight. I am so tired of my parents that sometimes I just wanna end my life thinking that they will do the same to me. There should be a thing that women and girl should be given freedom and rights to wear what they want, hangout with whomever they want and stuff.

Loved what was written on the door, "Kaiko? Kaiko? Kaiko?" Going to get this on a t-shirt.

This was a problem for me, until I made the need for privacy absolutely clear, by being scantily clad inside my room. One destroyed latch of my double door is an evidence of that struggle for establishing privacy in my room. My door was forced open and the latch was destroyed when I stormed inside my room after an argument. I just gave one warning, 'From now on be very afraid of how you'll see me if you force your way into my room'. Like a lot of other Indian women experienced my journals used to get raided too, until there were way too many notebooks, with no order on entry, and they were all riddled with random notes on anything that caught my attention like recycling, water treatment, architecture, history, politics, to- do lists, to- buy list, books, lyric- basically nightmarish disorganization is what discouraged or rather made it difficult for them to read my journalings...they need to first find my journal to read them. Oh, yes even when they do find something to read, I make a point to include atleast one critique on how their parenting effed me up. And I constantly use 'we have 3 kinds of family, one we pick and chose to let into our heart, one that's born to us and one to which we are accidentally born to with no choice, but we do have a choice to put up with or cut off from'. A fair warning that we can think of a life without an 'accidental family', could give them the idea to 'not take your presence or care for granted'...now that I think about it, most Indian languages don't even have anything equivalent to 'taken for granted'....Indian women literally have to do psychological somersaults and warfare, and end up being combative by second nature to get atleast something our way.

Youngsters who are watching, remember that you are upcoming and progressive generation of India. You need to break these ridiculous superstitions in our society so that anyone for that matter may not face these kinds of problem in future. Together, YOU guys can change this society.

i m 18 and my parents don't even allow me to use a personal phone because of my past relationship! they still think that i will establish contact with him again or any other boy! and so is i m not allowed to go to friends house who lives nearby and so many things like this make me feel like i m living in a prison!and my privacy is disturbed

Idk how swaddle manages to hit the right spot every single time . Hands down the best KZfaq channel I’ve ever subscribed to ! Keep up the great great greeaattt work . We all look up to you 🫀

I am happy my family don't check my mobile phone even though I never asked them not to do so 😌😌

Today, when my mom and brother went to the market. My mom was treated rudely by the employee but when she saw my brother , she was all like " what do you want Sir? " . And the worst part was my mom was laughing at it instead of being angry at the disrespectfulness she just experienced. I would have just left without buying anything. My mom was born in a mindset where she was always degradeted. She saw the men's work which was according to her going out and working for the family hard whereas , Women's household job really easy. Where as in reality it isn't. Because a working woman can easily take care of the house and a job if it's suitable for her. For many instances a single mom is the example of how hard it is. When I told her and explained her about the situation we got in to a fight where she thought I was getting attitude due to education. She said can you wake up early at six o clock and go out to the market. She was comparing my work that me and my brother shared to make things easier for her. I wake up early in the morning to help Her everyday for two hours and this is how she repay me. I hate her for it but I know she is a real Hyprotice in these cases. If my brother get groceries atleast twice a month and I help her in half of her household everyday. Isn't it fair that I am working harder than my brother. I love him and he often helps me a lot and I really admire him. Then isn't it fair that women get more respect for not getting a day of holiday from their life duties of being a daughter, wife and a mother. In life as a woman I can say that being a male is easier than female cause they already have their rights . We have to fight for it. If a boy rebels than the parents scold him. But if it's girl. They threaten drop her out of school because she was getting attitude. This is the mindset of many people in world. Not just mine. It's really painful to see that we still have many generations yet to come before women don't have to fight for their rights anymore

I am a guy. My dad didn't let me buy, use a phone in my college. I was the only person in my class not to have a phone. He suspected me of using phone so much that he would suddenly barge into the room assuming I am using the phone and would look for phone.

I understood one thing while reading the comments. The next generation of parents are gonna raise sensible and emotionally stable kids.

Speeches after watching this video that women are monitored to that extent. When I see me and my mother having control over our decisions and privacy then it does feel like a privilege. But should it be?

The day when this happens, India will be called a " Real Independent Country".

This video reminds me of Virginia Woolf's 'A room of one's own'. She said that if a woman wanted to write, she needed to have a room of her own. I feel this applies to every field. One has to have the time and space to reflect, plan, and introspect in order to advance. Even to develop as a person and build a relationship with oneself, one needs a place which they can call their own. Sadly, this lack of privacy is taking away so many opportunities for innovation in sciences, businesses, and arts from women. God alone knows how many ideas and innovations have been lost to this. 😣

Michel Foucault talked about the ‘Panopticon’. A very rudimentary explanation is that surveillance is designed like a prison with the guards monitoring movement. We are then so conditioned that a Panopticon starts playing in our minds.

Very true. This issue is the most common one. This needed discussion. Amazing video team swaddle.

I'm a 14 year old from Tamilnadu and I can only dream of going out someday with my gang and watch a movie in a theatre or talk to boys in public without thinking about my family watching me.

The content shown on this channel.. Is priceless.. Keep up the good work.. Swaddle 🤗

my dad is the only the person who cares abt my privacy. my mom and elder brother always ghosts me from the parental app in my mobile, i cant have intsa, discord and social media just bcs I'm still a kid (14 years). cant go outside, and my bro treat me like shit, he literally snatched my privacy in school too by keeping his friends to have eye on me and tell everything that I've done in school. society needs to change a lot :(

I didn't search this Came in my recommendation But I think, my phone listens to my cries Yesterday, my parents took my phone and read all the chats between me and my best friend Yesterday was the first day after a year, we didn't talk Her mother and my mother will not let us talk now, forget about meeting She thinks, we both are lesbians and so doing the "right "thing But no I'm am straight, can't I love someone without any sexual desire Now, a girl can't be friend with a girl also, forget about boys. I am crying, and crying and crying from yesterday and was feeling it's all my fault But now, I have realized Privacy is my right which is being snatched away from me and my family is making me feel uncomfortable entering in my private space Please help me I lost my guy best friend too, some months ago because of them Where am I living God!!!

I should show this to my friend, she is afraid that father would scold her if he find out that I am her friend. I dont know why men are considered as charming when they are good with women and women are labelled as 'whore' when she talks to multiple guys... Double standards.

Last year when we all having tough time in the pandemic .we all need someone who emotionally support us . Last year when I used to talk to my friends (male) my dad scold me that you shouldn't do so...It'll be dangerous for you , even after that when I'm not feeling fine, I still used to talk to my friends ( I have mainly male friends and that's not my fault ladkiyon se bnti hi nh....) He even beat me twice or thrice just because i'm talking to my friends.......sorry male friends.....(what an irony now we have to distinguish friends too....😂). Those slaps not only leave marks on my skin but also on my soul .I was really disturbed mentally ...😖 But I'm doing fine now. Just because of these incidents I loose all of my friends because I stopped talking to them all and now literally I have only one friend. Irony is" THAT only friend is MALE.....😂"

I was 11 when I got my first phone till 15 it use to be checked but after that my stop it and said now you understand who are wrong people and who are right to sit with so it's your privacy now

This gives so much perspective, it's insane. Also, it goes without saying that the production of the Swaddle is always top f***ing notch.

My father is on another level There is an incident which I really wanted to share So one day my father scolded me because I was roaming on terrace by saying that " upar kisko taakne jati hai padhai nahi karne sakti".So he is doubting on me ,he thinks that I go up there to meet or look for someone(or I can say a guy)

It has been a hard fight for me to get to keep my privacy on my phone 😌. I fought quite a bit with my parents and now I can finally keep my phone locked🥳

My parents give me privacy but my mother's brother always come suddenly in my room trying to check what I m doing on my phone and ask to give him my phone and they told my parents to not send me outside my state for futher study cos they won't know what I do outside .

That's so relatable. Everything in the video. 🙂 Waiting for the hindi version so I can show it to my parents and watch their reactions.😂 Happy independence day to every Indian ! Hope you get the independence our freedom fighters fought for long ago

After reading the comments, I am suddenly feeling quite grateful for having such awesome parents. They never check my phone calls or messages. There were many times when my male friends call on my dad's number and he hand me the phone without asking anything.

Once I applied nail paint on my nails , I am 15 at that time Guess what My mother thought I am doing this for a boy . While there is me who at that Time had huge interest in cosmetic than now. I still remember what my mom said So She said," Do you wanna marry "? I know it sounds totally rediculous. At that time I am not mature at all so I didn't know what was she saying at that time. But today , I feel so sad , like scolding someone for just applying a nailpaint. Trust me , at that time I thought I did a huge crime by applying that nailpaint . 🥺🙃 But this is not the end , I had lot of bad experiences like this.

U guys are so right....I wish everyone understands this and be fair to the women

Sometimes when I'm half awake in the morning, I can hear and slightly see my mother unlocking my phone and checking my messages and I feel so sad not only because she's invading my privacy but because she dosen't trust me and feels the need to check whatever she's checking. I've never done anything that's even close to morally wrong, according to society standards, I'm an introvert in the highest level possible and I don't like to wear clothes that expose my skin and curves and still she does that.

Best solution : Study well, don't get married, fly to a foreign country. Live your life.

Imao, I realised that My parents are angels after seeing this.

I don't know whether this privacy problem is ubiquitous for girls/women, as, I have cousins whose parents respected their privacy and personal space. My parents only knocked at my usage of phone, when I was in school/college, because it would hamper my studies and they were right.

"Mother believed Privacy was the highest virtue, and the one most frequently violated " -Enola Holmes

Currently I m facing exactly this....and it' makes me feel so miserable 😖 abt being a girl......

They keep checking our contacts, call lists and even read our chats.

Thank god my family never did such things to me but society and relatives yes they do discriminate and judge.

no matter what never end his channel... i really luv this overthinking series... i was and am a feminist at heart but u guys really expanded my perspectives on many matter that was so normalised in the society that i overlooked them...!! KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK GUYS!!!

"Lkn baigan daikh k un k paseene choot rahey hai" the delivery was perfect lmao

I feel lucky that my family doesn't treat me like this...

Having privacy is a joke in India, for all the genders. Our society believes that living together and always being together is important, which is good, but they forget that people living together are humans too with different personalities. And in my home, my mother was trying to check what's written in my diary, but I caught her red handedly. I mean I can have my own thoughts and secrets, and no one has the right to know them until I talk about them

I like your videos .. thanks for making these

This is such a clean and clear way of spreading awareness in society. I'd love to work with this entire team I am so moved 💞

Such a nice video. I think we all should share this video as much as possible so that our parents understand our feelings too for having some privacy. 👍

True that I am 22 and while I was in coaching I had some male friends with whom I used to have fun and casual talks but my parents checked my phone and screamed that way that I had committed some sort of crime by talking to boys and same parents were ok with my brother doing the same, such hypocrisy.

Always to the point, I eagerly wait for ur videos❤

Such videos must be sent to every indian family group chat as a forward message

I really appreciate that you made this video and changing the mentality of the people..... even the teachers in our school who wants to modernize us, say, wants to bring equality among us, but still they lack of the topic privacy of women. The privacy of woman needs to be promoted in india as well as the freedom and dignity.

Parents Should Check their boys mobile phones. They will definately find intersting. For example adult jokes groups, porn material, adult anime games meme, short video, sims or hentai games, etc. People should protect their boys.

Am i the only one who felt that when more crime cases increase related to women the more my parents put restrictions on me ?

Really well said. These kind of videos should reach to all people in India who treats and see women in this way. We can hope for a change.✨

Today my mom took my phone and checked all my chats and then this got reccomended to me I really love your channel the topics are so good keep going

I have never experienced but I have seen parents checking their teen's mobile but most of the time they are the teens who have done something wrong which is affecting their life. I would say teens need their mobile devices checked by parents cause we mostly don't know what's wrong and what's right. I am not saying anything about adults or teens having super strict parents. These are some of my thoughts being a teen who have seen few teens ruining their life and others building it. After seeing these videos I feel lucky