I feel like it would have been different for me as well if being masculine as a child was okay and liking the same sex! But also, my parents and family just weren’t educated at the time, but this is my life now so I have to accept my path.

I had a similar experience my parents were hippies too. Things got pretty dark and weird for me though not all "hippies" are what they seem. The hippy movement has its roots in Marxism and it's a disease. Some hippies are healthy balanced people my parents were far from that. You might read my comment here if you can find it. There is a fine line between being accepted as a "tomboy" and being groomed by parents with an agenda. I had the latter experience in the early 70s. I'm 58 and my experience was similar but I'm a man. Read my comment if you can find it.

I thank this person for the courageous video. I also was a total tomboy or maschietta, Italian for tomboy. Clothes, sports, car and motorcycles 🏍. My family was in between Victorian and modern. Manners were important. Yet I was so lucky being next to the last child. I would not have transformed as I adored being a tomboy and being attacked to males.

@@truescotsman4103 hippies so far from.marxism. they are liberals.

@@truescotsman4103 and Marxism have big differences with marxism

Thank you for commenting this! Sorry you had to go through something similar. I agree that I should have listened to myself more and to the other therapist that thought I should work through the trauma first as well. Life is a learning lesson though!

@@aliaxismail not a judgment call, I hope that’s not how my post came across. But sending you hugs 🤗 on your awakened journey

I agree that we should encourage therapy before medical transition BUT I also think adults should have the right to do whatever they want with their bodies even without therapy. Bodily autonomy is very important for all of us, it's not a right we can give away

@@alexshane5713 I can agree with that too!

There are 19 states that have passed laws against this and even questioning it from the therapist. My daughter just told me she wants to transition. I’m on a mission to learn all I can and to find out what is going on with this and what has happened to her. There’s a book by Abigail Shrier about this exact issue. Irreversible Damages

glad you found self awareness and self love! ❤️

@@aliaxismail thank you so much ❤ I wish you the best!

Honestly curious and have no disrespect, but is therapy not required before a medical transition?

@@courtneycoleman6849 like what does "feeling like a man/woman " even mean?

@@whitneyadedapo6121 okay well for an example. I’m a woman. I am not a man. I feel feminine. I have masculine qualities but have always known in my heart that I am very in touch with my femininity and I communicate that through feminine mannerisms, speech pitch and patterns, and the way I dress myself up and show myself to the world. And I’ve never felt in my heart that I’m a a man. If I can feel strongly this way being born a cisgendered woman and know that my womanhood is a part of who I am and I value it deeply; I understand how someone else might feel the same way even if they were assigned male at birth. I would feel intensely unhappy, deeply unnerved, and so unlike myself if I were to look in the mirror tomorrow and see a man. I would feel like I was forced to live someone else’s life and like I had lost a part of myself I was very fond of and well acquainted with. And I think people who are more androgynous or fluid have the same right to feel that way about both genders at different times (I definitely can recognize my masculine side/qualities, but they are not a part of who I am, if that makes sense). I assume you feel the same about your womanhood or manhood, right? Nobody has the exact same chemical soup in their bodies and brains so we may vary in expression but we all are pretty similar deep down inside. We just want to be free to live authentic to ourselves and our identities. But if you don’t understand or just can’t relate, it’s just important to remember that WE are the people we are going to live with for the rest of our lives and we need to pay attention to our needs regardless of what others may think. Again, I’ve been female since birth so I am cisgendered but this is just they way I explain it to MYSELF because that is how I relate to trans women: we both value and can feel our womanhood in ourselves. But I have some questions for you! 1. Do you feel the same about your womanhood or manhood? 2. Did this help to understand “feeling like a (man/woman)”? Let me know! :)

This was beautifully worded and thank you so much for the articulate thought. I agree with you and view life very similar. Thank you for that.

I had an eating disorder until I was about 26. For me it had nothing to do with gender disphoria. It had everything to do with love hunger and self hatred. I can only speak for myself, but I think the root cause is well know to be not feeling loved, affirmed, or valued as a child. Being raised by narcissist parents, alcoholics, will do this to a child.

@@lynnv8501 Teenage years are very often difficult and confusing. I hope you have come to know and love yourself better.

@@kfallon862 well, since I've read many books on the subject and have undergone lots of counseling, I've found while it may not be universal, it is common.

@@maxinewarnest894 I have. Thank you for being so kind.

makes sense. for me is now connecting with my body FOR ONCE in my life.

Other way around for me but glad you figured out who you are. :)

im just running through detransitioning stories bcs im on the verge of it. i dealt with trauma and completely disowned who i was, i created another self. im healing from that trauma and staring yoga and meditation. healing and taking care of myself. i feel more like who i was before i was trans now, my name no longer makes me cry and being called a woman is a pride for me now. im afab.

I’m still figuring myself out and I have been for a few years now. I’m pretty comfortable in identifying as non-binary, but I still question some things. I tend to avoid detransition content because the media tends to promote detransitioners who say anti-trans rhetoric, but their stories are still important and I think it’s wonderful when we can find people who recognise that transitioning wasn’t for them, but don’t hate the trans community

​@@lostotter1956yes, same for me with both of your comments. Personally, I'm autistic and have never really felt fully like one of the girls or guys. I always saw biology as not super highly intertwined with my view of people and myself. Oc medically and hormonally that does affect how a person acts, feels and cares for their body, but I feel like there's so many non biological factors that affect a person's way of existing. Therefore I believe that finding myself involves a lot more than just adjusting the shape of my body or the bass of my voice, as for me that affects me a lot less than many other factors. But it may be more uncomfortable to others and I respect that. I hope one day I have enough content with the rest of my life, that I can decide whether or not I feel the need to transition, but in my existence, that discomfort comes and goes and it doesn't take up much space in comparison to like sensory overload, familial issues, cultural adaptation or health issues, unfortunately. I still much prefer they/them and don't identify with binary gender experiences, but I do relate to people of all genders about different things. I like knowing that there's more than two or four gender experiences, because growing up religious those were the only options and if you weren't cis, you weren't really true yourself. I remember the first time I had a best friend who was out as trans and had transitioned medically, relating to his feeling of dysphoria and trying out masc expression, but feeling out of place in myself. I enjoy "feminine" things, but I have a more "masculine" sense of social relatability, but I can still enjoy being around "femininely" socialising people or typically "masculine" activities, because I relate to all of them in different ways. I'm okay, if that ever changes.

That’s awesome! And even if that all changes one day, that is okay for you too. Always listen to yourself and be happy. Good luck on your journey 💕

No such thing as trans

I really hope you see a non validating therapist. Many therapists that just agree and validate your ideas and feelings don't help you work through why you want to transition. Transition comes with major health and mental health damage. I would encourage you to hold off on any medical intervention. There is no scientific evidence of health benefit to cross sex hormones in transgender people..

@@heatherstein8024 Bruh I've been on testosterone for for 5 months now and I'm doing great. My mental health has gotten so much better, I feel slightly more comfortable with being more active, but that will improve because I'm getting top surgery soon. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life and if that's not a health benefit then I don't know what is. And yes, my therapist approves what I am doing and didn't just follow along. Been a major help when it came to accepting myself and made sure I was mentally in a good headspace for me to physically transition. Best decision I've ever made in my life

@@mage4423 There is a documented "honeymoon" period after people start transitioning, that then often fades. This seems to be especially true for the huge number of teen girls and young women who have pursued an opposite-sex identity in recent years. According to the first article on the s i t e, Society for Evi den ce Ba s e d G e n d e r Me d i c i n e, as many as 1/3 or more people are now de tr a n sit io n ing. I commend you for watching det ra ns videos. Time, reflection, and reading from across the ideological spectrum, are always wise ways to deal with any major life decision, if possible.

truth

Some people live decades as a trans person and then detransition. The best way to avoid transition regret is to not do surgery.

​@@soleil7259the best way is not to get surgeries or hormones, which I refuse to do until I turn at least 39. But hey, if you decide to get them just educate yourself and take preventative measures to have kids just in case. There are many ways to alleviate dysphoria without permanent changes if you want to do that. Even if you do make a permanent decision and do regret it, sometimes that is necessary to become the person you want to be and it's an emotion we all go through in life. Best of luck with your transition, hope everything goes well for you!

⁠@@soleil7259 Many people don’t regret trans surgery, many people don’t regret hormone replacement therapy. There is a significantly low regret rate for both trans surgery and HRT compared to many other body altercations, plenty of people regret knee surgeries, for example. There are going to be people who regret decisions they make regardless because sometimes people make mistakes. And if you listen to the video, Alia doesn’t regret transitioning

Yes! Glad you found the video.

Thank you!

your feelings are valid! there’s always someone out there that feels similar to you. Good luck on your journey!

Thank you! And yes I think it was easy for one take because I spoke from the heart!

More one-take videos need to be shared. It feels more real/authentic.

thank YOU for watching it and supporting me!

Ah yes omg. It took someone saying I'm running away from my past self to really start pondering detransitioning. He was right. Completely right. The more mentally well I feel. The more I'm okay with the person in my past and I'm proud to be her.

Thank you so much for the support ❤️

Of course!

Thank you for watching! I’m glad you feel comfortable to post about your journey too. All stories are important.

that was very heartwarming to hear. you are totally right about the path we’re individually on and it’s such a beautiful experience. ❤️

@@aliaxismail 💕🌱

Thank you so much for the support ❤️

Or are you both just cis-phobic?

@@icedthai what? How?

@@icedthai wth

@@icedthai what the fuck are you talking about

@@icedthai ???

Thank you! Good luck to you too!

Thank you so much for sharing that! ❤️

Thank you! Enjoy! Ayearintransition.com

@@aliaxismail thank you! I definitely will make the time to watch this on my day off tomorrow.

We all think about who we are and how we perceived every day, but just in different ways. The feeling won’t ever go away, but you can change your viewpoint and how others treat you. You can just be. Be exactly how you want. People will always perceive you, so just do what makes you happy. Thank you for the comment! Good luck in life!

Oh awesome! Thank you for telling me that. I try to make it relatable to what people have going on in their life. I appreciate you!! ❤️

Thank you for the kind comment!

Thank you! Interesting you said when you were a kid because I do remember someone calling me a boy and not correcting them, but telling my mom later. I was a HUGE tomboy. Gender is confusing and hard and I just want to be able to present my masculinity and femininity that feels comfortable to me.

You don't have to "identify" with a gender. One either is a man or a woman based on whether they are male or female. How you choose to express yourself is your choice. You can be a girl with more masculine or androgynous traits but that doesn't make you not a girl.

@@simfimpim Some people can't live with the sex their body is. They transition to make their bodies match their gender more closely. That's what being transgender is. There are people who detransition, like this man, but that doesn't mean gender is the same as sex.

@@simfimpim The very fact that you're even assigning man or woman to people is identifying a gender. You just think you gender identity is congruent with your genitals, which is obviously wrong since trans and nb people exist. Yes, you can be masculine or androgynous and a girl, what makes you not a girl is when your gender identity says you're not one, and not the genitals between your legs.

​@@somebodyelse9130 your comment doesn't make sense. You say some people can't live with their sex so they change their gender, but at the same time you say sex and gender are not the same thing. If someone can't live with their sex they should change their sex not their gender because gender is something different/separate according to your statement.

Thank you for the support!

Yeah that’s just ridiculous. We’re all different people.

Oh, how this works both ways darling.

@@bornwithoutconsentobviously no one said it didn't? Very condescending

@@laurenevenden2254 no one? No. Maybe not here but in a loooot of other places so just had to point that out.

@@bcount1 jokes on you i'm a detransitioner

Thank you!

Thank you!

Thank you so much for the kind message! Life is a rollercoaster. I could decide years from now that this isn’t what I want anymore, but I’m trying to follow my gut and heart at the moment and being a transman just stopped resonating with me. And to be honest it never really did but I fell into that box so easily. Glad you’re on your journey and loving it.

Thank you!

I’m newly ftmtf and never been sexually abused. Just made fun of a lot as a kid for not being feminine enough and i think it hurt a lot deeper than i thought.

@@garrettecstasy1568 jeez I’m so sorry. Bullying sucks and I hope you’re more happily secure in yourself now!

thanks for watching! Yeah I doubted myself a lot too, but it’s okay. As long as you follow your heart and everything feels positive keep going, even if you change years from now. Everything is an experience.

This was beautiful to read! Thank you so much.

Yep, that was my process. Just because I tried to explain 10 years in a 20 minute video, everyone is an expert on gender.

That's part of why puberty blockers are so valuable. Gives kids more time to figure themselves out, if they need it, before damage is done one way or another

Yes. It can be embarrassing. Being the 1st in your social group to get a bra or start your period is really uncomfortable

And when I told my mom I needed a pad after my first period, my sister (2 years younger than me) screamed eww! And ran out the room

I always use to strap them down. I was so embarassed of them. Im still not comfortable with them now as an adult

Actually I would think that some of those things you listed do change on HRT. For example, your sex drive increases which can change your sexuality a bit. When you start to see gender as a construct you start to like humans for who they are, I gained that from transitioning medically. But a lot of the things you listed I can agree with. I have a documentary on my transition at AYearInTransition.com. I haven’t posted more videos just yet, but am taking time to myself while I’m figuring things out. The thing is you will never know what’s going to happen until it happens. You can prepare so much, but your emotions and decisions change at any given moment. As long as every decision you make feels right and positive, how could you ever regret or feel negative when maybe those decisions don’t fit right later on in life? That’s exactly what life is about. Constantly growing and evolving into a better soul for the next life time. Good luck on your journey.

@@aliaxismail Thank you for your words. It really helped me with my decision.

You forgot that you can’t change your sex on that list. I suggest you watch a few TT Exulansic videos regarding the medicalization of identity. It’s absolutely horrendous. People are being sold a product and they don’t even realize it.

@@hootenholler5105 Lmfao, watching you transphobes trying to hijack the thread is hilarious and not unexpected. TT spouts the same old TERF nonsense that has been debunked time and time again.

@@jonathanxavier2026 TT’s information goes against your cause. Better to keep gender dysphoric people ignorant about the surgeries and all the inevitable complications 💰, right? You’re so caring.

Keep watching my other videos! And you can always look on my tiktok and Instagram @aliaxismail to see more pictures and videos!

My story is similar. I'm ftm. I was raised in an orthodox Jewish family which meant gender stereotypes were not only encouraged, but enforced, so I never wore boys clothes growing up. I also went to an all girls school so all of my friends were girls. As a child I was constantly bouncing between the extreme of trying so hard to distance myself from being grouped in with girls and be seen as masculine and overcompensating my femininity to try and fit in and be normal among my peers. I also would look for sort of excuses and loopholes to be as male as possible, like wearing my dad's huge shirts instead of an actual dress. This obviously caused a lot of confusion, I thought was literally insane and I grew to hate myself. This is all before puberty, mind, and that's obviously where things ramped up. I refused to wear a bra for a full year before I started needing one, and I bawled my eyes out when I got my period. But then hormones kicked in. Like you, I've always been attracted to men. So throughout most of high school I tried embracing my female body and found im apparently pretty attractive, but it didn't help my intense body hatred. I've been slowly letting go and doing what feels natural since I was about 16, which meant wearing actual pants for the first time since very early childhood, cutting my hair st 17, binding and crossdressing since 18, and now I'm 19 going on 20 and thinking about starting the process to go on hormones.

At the time you had to have a consistent identity, that you presented as in public, which for me was a transman at the time, (for a minimum of 6 months). This was in 2015. The thing is I mentioned my sexual trauma because “it could be a reason I felt out of my body”, but ultimately every decision I made was because I followed my heart and felt good in all of those decisions. I will say I did feel nervous and kept going back and forth in the beginning so I probably should have listened to that more. But every journey is different. Good luck!

Yes definitely work through that! I’m only saying because even if you transition that trauma will still be there and while you might be preoccupied with transitioning once you feel good in that, it will just come right back up again. Hope you get through it and good luck!

I’m sorry to hear about your sexual abuse. Please go to therapy and please don’t transition. You are who you are. You’re not what you aren’t.

@@grandmastersreaction1267 You don't get to tell people, specially people with gender dysphoria, what we can or cannot do with our bodies ♥️ Educate yourself about trans people, please. We can all learn from trans people and people who detransition, it's not one or the other. What's right for some people may not be right for others, but that doesn't make it a bad thing. Trans people *are* happier after transitioning with an accepting environment, and when they're rejected and discriminated, some decide to commit su*cide. Trans people are real and deserving of respect and freedom. Learn about them too

Yup

I think a breast reduction would of sufficed for me. I don’t necessarily regret it at the moment.

I would really just ask if binding makes you happy, and if in the future you would be happier with not having to bind, being shirtless, etc. I would recommend going to a gender therapist if you can, and a regular therapist, and just working those things out. Identity changes and if you feel that a decision that is permanent will not make you happy then don't do it, but if by not making that decision you are unhappy then I would say consider it.

I think for me personally at the time of my questioning, representation of folks who detransition or other identities similar to weren’t talked about. We had just a bit of information to work with at the time. We still had a lot to learn and will continue to.

@@aliaxismail Fair play; best wishes for your continued journey👍

There are and have been many, many people in Western society who do not fit completely into male/female roles. That does not make their gender different than their sex. The only thing that is required to be a woman is to be female. That's it. You can be the most masculine, butchest lesbian and still be a full woman. How "girly" someone is doesn't define whether they are a woman or not.

@@simfimpim Breaking free from gender roles has nothing to do with gender identity. It's a common tactic of transphobes to imply that gender dysphoria is an onset of people trying to free themselves from gender roles, when the two have nothing to do with each other.