Why I Didn't Want Kids - (Response After The Baby)
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My response to an video I mad before having a baby!
@ohheyyola5416 2 жыл бұрын
"The people that pressured me the most are the people I speak to the least right now" I needed to hear that. I loved this video.
@SheSomeoneSpecial Жыл бұрын
deep.
@camicamcam1234 2 жыл бұрын
Girl ur not old. My mom had me at 40. Now she’s in her 60’s and she goes out dancing with her friends every weekend, always goes out with her friends, travels all the time, goes out on dates all the time, is in a tennis team, is learning French, etc. “Old” is not an age, it’s a mentality.
@kokoro9301 2 жыл бұрын
That's so awesome
@lasagnekiller 2 жыл бұрын
I know but society makes women in their mid 30s and 40s feel old, when they aren’t. Wait until you’re that age, because it is easier said than done to not feel that kind of pressure.
@kit-nun5476 2 жыл бұрын
@@lasagnekiller Society makes women feel a lot of ways, including victim shaming for SA. It's upto women to rise above the pressure, mockery & / or insults that society throws our way, when we don't fit their ways of life. More women doing what they want & love, would help uplift more women around them. It's not easy, but a lot of women, especially from the west have better opportunities to change their life for the better. But they simple don't, because of fear "What will random people say". (As long as none of the women are harming anybody/ doing something illegal)
@camicamcam1234 2 жыл бұрын
@@lasagnekiller it's true. but society has a lot of malicious ways of messing with our heads. i was more so saying it in more of a my mom inspires me/positive type of way. i imagine that being an influencer also has an affect on your self image and etc. i more so said it in a positive way to be like you are not doomed after 40.
@haleyelizabeth2190 2 жыл бұрын
She's not old in a social sense, but she is old(er) to be having a child. Yes, women can have children throughout their 30's and even their 40's sometimes, but fertility and egg quality drop pretty significantly after 35 (Shan is almost 36). Medically speaking, any pregnancy carried by a woman 35 or older is considered a geriatric pregnancy (inherently high risk). That's not dictated by society, that's just the biological realty. Mentally, sure you can keep child-like wonder and a youthful spirit for as long as you choose but, physically, age is quite real, no mater your mentality.
@yervue9426 2 жыл бұрын
I wish so badly that we would push the message that it IS hard and it IS OKAY to NOT be okay..motherhood isn't all flowers and rainbow. Love this vid ❤
@jae9581 2 жыл бұрын
I agree, people have this one dimensional idea of motherhood I am a good mom but I still want to be alone, I still want to be thought of as a sexual person and I still can get disappointed if life turned out different from what I wanted. Humans are complicated and bringing in a creation of your own into the mix is difficult.
@diamoneRa9 2 жыл бұрын
Yes!! Tell the truth. You will not always be happy- you will be tired- feel alone in the challenges- lose your self-care if you don’t consider the facts and create a plan for YOU
@mixedmamiiD 2 жыл бұрын
People have ALWAYS told me how hard it is to have kids. In "my world" its been the opposite. The discouragement I've seen has been enormous. Kids are both joyous and scary.
@godsgirl7201 2 жыл бұрын
❤️
@godsgirl7201 2 жыл бұрын
❤️
@jnbg61584 2 жыл бұрын
Shan making a whole ass video, putting down her thoughts and everything while paying attention to Ryu and not skipping a beat, is a talent
@RaeDaisy 2 жыл бұрын
That's a Mother for ya!
@jnbg61584 2 жыл бұрын
Most definitely!
@siewitnessnews 2 жыл бұрын
@@RaeDaisy Came here to say this.
@addictiveone4616 2 жыл бұрын
@@RaeDaisy thats definitely a skill you develop as a mom
@MeraBaid 2 жыл бұрын
Well it took some editing, but honestly that's the hardest part.
@jaimeerindy4573 2 жыл бұрын
The way the baby is chaotically running around in the background of this video makes this whole thing that much more honest, like this is the reality forever haha. But seriously, THANK YOU for being so open about this topic!
@liz5473 2 жыл бұрын
“‘My interest area is in adults, it’s in young people, it’s in teenagers” was so surprising and refreshing to hear. So many times you hear people say they want babies. Babies because they’re small and so cute and a reflection of their parents, but I’ve always said, what about when they become adults? When they grow into themselves? When they don’t like you so much or have dissenting opinions and start to think for themselves? If there’s a possibility you guys won’t get a long as adults, Would you still want them?
@dancinginthepurplereign4126 Жыл бұрын
I used to struggle with codependency and I understand how unhealthy it was for me to just like babies and believe that was reason enough to want children. I am naturally a caretaker and naturing person so I thought that was a healthy way of loving. That is not a healthy way of loving. The more I worked on my healing, the more I realize that I am glad I didn't have a child earlier.
@scpjij 6 ай бұрын
i'm 32, i don't have kids but "logistically" i could; when i think about it i have zero interest in the baby phase but i think it would be cool to have adult kids when i'm older! it would be cool to see how they grow up and go through the phases of life (and maybe heal my younger self in the process too). the baby phase is so fleeting, why would you agree to a lifetime commitment for that; you'd become one of those parents who forever resent their children for... growing up.
@PfEMP 2 жыл бұрын
This is v interesting to watch as someone who currently doesn't want children
@ladidodi8912 2 жыл бұрын
Lol. I bet. So what did you get from it?
@asanda.mkhize 2 жыл бұрын
@@ladidodi8912 I'm curious to know too
@Rue100 2 жыл бұрын
I definitely don't want children
@jnbfiskgirl 2 жыл бұрын
Definitely don't want kids
@ItsMePhoebe 2 жыл бұрын
I want kids but this video was a really refreshing take!
@MalinaCC 2 жыл бұрын
I love your perspective. I also did not want kids for the longest time because of fear. Fear of repeating the not so great childhood I had, fear of ending up doing it alone, fear of not having enough financially, fear of not doing the right thing, fear of losing my mind and myself, fear of letting go of control, etc. I never experienced family or relationships in a positive way until I met my partner, his family, and was exposed to his culture which is completely different than mine. After tackling my mental health, addressing generational trauma, becoming financially stable, and really taking a look at how and what I can and wish to do for myself and others, all those fears have diminished. I learned to make my decisions with love and confidence which has made me want to be a parent!
@ChinadollcocoCaramel 2 жыл бұрын
This is beautiful and well said. Wishing you well in life.
@kayiagaulden7710 4 ай бұрын
Wow I really needed to hear that! That’s practically what I’m going through!
@L12094 2 жыл бұрын
That thing Shannon said about parenting being hard especially when there isn't a partner (or co-parent) who is equally invested is the truest statement, because its so hard to do this alone when you don't have the help you need and there is no-one who really cares like you do, no-one who will be there to share the "burden" with. Those who are single parents (or parents in general) and have a tight support system are so lucky because the alternative is so much worse.
@sixteen.candles.4644 2 жыл бұрын
Yeah. It is. My BD is more into the relationship than his daughter so... Might be breaking up soon.
@Stephsglam 2 жыл бұрын
Amén🦋
@ris7ahs907 2 жыл бұрын
we need more of this conversation, its like its a stigma to say you don't want a child
@P03ticJustice 2 жыл бұрын
nobody made her. shes dealing with post partum almost all mom's feel this feeling for good reason traditionally the parents let the grandparents raise the child to 5 then send them to the parents. modern families don't really have grandparents and extended family structures here
@ris7ahs907 2 жыл бұрын
@@P03ticJustice i understand what you are saying, but for example am 25 and people always asking me if i want children and when i say no its like its a bad thing or they assume something is wrong with me hence why i say there is a stigma when a woman say they prefer to not have any children whether its because of trauma or if by choice
@HottTVToronto 2 жыл бұрын
Such an honest and accurate description of motherhood. My daughter’s 20 and I still can’t completely relax ☺️
@youinmybusiness1388 2 жыл бұрын
In my late twenties and I still do not want kids
@ljd6643 2 жыл бұрын
Girl me too
@LifeofBliss25 2 жыл бұрын
Same sis. Since I was 9 years old.
@justi353 2 жыл бұрын
same almost 29 never been on a date ( not a virgin though lol ) I don't plan on dating till at my mid thirties.......
@TiffanyNicholeCatley 2 жыл бұрын
Loved every minute of this. I waited and got pregnant at 30 with twins. Definitely register with the single parent struggle. Currently in an imbalanced co-parenting struggle with my ex husband. Dad gets them every other weekend & I have them otherwise. I stay home if they're sick, doctor visits etc..No help from the grandparents for various reasons. HOWEVER, my boys are blessings and well adjusted. They also are so content with each other now! I can cook, fold clothes, watch KZfaq lol or tiktoks with my wine. And I definitely take my free weekends to do me.
@danimoorehead 2 жыл бұрын
I’m not very far into the video but I really relate to not having baby fever because I was raising children for most of my life. I’ve bottle feed, changed diapers and potty trained 4 babies before I was 20. I really don’t want a baby but seeing all of them get older and how amazing they are, I do think I want children. Knowing that they’re going to be babies only for an incredibly short time and adults for the majority of their lives really makes me want to be a parent sometimes.
@Joseiaxoxo 2 жыл бұрын
This! I do/did suffer from baby fever. I’m the youngest of my siblings so I never had to raise them, most exposure was to newborns and young toddlers. That being said I hate the ages of 2-6ish and do not look forward to them. I’m pregnant now and have no excitement for those years. When I tell people I’m excited for my kids to be grown they look at me weird. But I feel like that’s the best part. I want kids who chose to be around me in their adulthood. Not the mandatory love they have as little kids, even though I’ll enjoy it and miss it one day.
@keracancook 9 ай бұрын
Girl…. I didn’t have a childhood, adolescence. I have no desire to be a parent, I was forced to be one as a kid
@deilugo4813 2 жыл бұрын
I was one of those girls who said, " I don't want kids"... I never meet a man who i wanted to stay with forever. Until my husband walked into my life. 8 years later w/ 3 boys. Its awesome. My husband still thanks me every day for choosing him to build a family with. The way he still shows admiration for me, and devotes his attention and love to the boys. It's absolutely what I wish for every woman who once walked in my shoes with the negative mindset of kids. It's absolutely the most beautiful experience I'm blessed to have.
@k.imelle 2 жыл бұрын
This is me. I haven’t met anyone I can stay with forever
@Stephsglam 2 жыл бұрын
😊😊😊 amazing 🙏
@smartypantspod 2 жыл бұрын
I relate to this! I don't want kids unless it's with the right person. For a while I thought I would never have them, until I met my current boyfriend and when we plan for the future kids are definitely on the table, when the time is right of course!
@kalimistakidou9103 2 жыл бұрын
That’s so beautiful 😭
@thelambswife 2 жыл бұрын
Love this, may God continue to bless your marriage in Jesus name!
@bragon0895 2 жыл бұрын
Love the truth behind this 1. Props for making this video with Ryu 2. Personally growing up I always said I wanted kids (if you we’re to ask me why, I’d have no answer) just the thing women do, produce children, right? I’m 26 now, I’m married and we have an amazing 10 mo. old. Now he is the easiest baby ever. No one prepared me for how easy parenting is with this angel. He’s the happiest, most loving baby ever. I never heard of such thing. I started questioning myself like wow maybe just one is ok. Like I am SO happy with just one. But the pressure to have another is the most ridiculous thing ever. My husband is a saint buuuut he comes from a Muslim upbringing and I have the VERY traditional mother in law. Just the way she says one child isn’t acceptable makes me so upset. She’s older and she can’t help me my one all the time what makes her think she can help me with two children?! Vent over. I just wish normalizing having one child was a thing just as not all women want children and THAT’S OKAY. We all have different roads.
@rainbowglazednights 2 жыл бұрын
This! My whole family consistently tells me, "if you're going to have one, have none".
@sbusisiweshaba1715 2 жыл бұрын
Wow your post is inspirational, I have never heard anyone say it's easy.
@kettacary 2 жыл бұрын
Don't let ANYONE pressure you!
@carlymestep9001 2 жыл бұрын
Yeah, I had an easy first baby too. My second is an absolute gremlin 🤦♀️
@zrivs669 2 жыл бұрын
As an only child, I actually agree with the “if you’re going to have one, have none.” I had an incredibly lonely upbringing and always wanted siblings.. If you choose to have one, you have to also choose to be their best friend. I spent alllll my time with my mother growing up, and I hated it. Having an only child is actually more work, you are the only person to keep them company and guide them. My friends siblings taught them things their parents wouldn’t. They were able to bond better to people their own age. It’s all dependent on who you are as a parent and person. However, as an only child I know if I do decide to have children I’m definitely having more than one.
@BreannLaFaye 2 жыл бұрын
What a breathe of fresh air. Changed my mind so much after turning 29 on kids that I’m getting questioned so much. It’s OK to change your mind as you age and gain more information.. just be ready for whatever comes with those changes ❤️
@milliedamus888 2 жыл бұрын
Im on the same boat. 🤣🤣🤣 i have 1 kid.
@roshill2010 2 жыл бұрын
Just be careful with the gift you have been given time will always be against you. 90% of a woman's eggs are gone by age 30 and at 35 High risk pregrancy is common and the child could have mental defects. My cusion is proof of that we love him very much. He can't work at all cause of his debilitation.
@julian4805 2 жыл бұрын
I'm definitely on that path now where I'm going back and forth. For the longest time, I could never be swayed to want to have kids and no one could convince me. Even dating as a lesbian woman, you'd think I wouldn't have trouble finding ppl that also don't want kids but I kept running into people who want to build families and naturally, those connections had to end. But NOW there's someone new that has curiously questioned my stance on it. Before people just took my word and ran with it so this is a first for me that someone wants to deep dive into my why's. For one, the desire was just not there. "Why would I put my body through that or attend to someone that cries and poops at all hours of the day ON PURPOSE??" But then I look at my upbringing, the discouragement from both my parents and the school teachers, being raised by single parents, the DRAMA, and teen moms in my class, I NEVER got bright side of that story of having kids, only the hardship and tragedy. So now, I just say I'm "open." If I meet a woman that makes parenting less scary and understands that I'd rather adopt than be pregnant, then great! But otherwise, I'm also open to kids not being in the cards as well.
@valeriew4833 3 ай бұрын
@roshill2010 my baby sister was born to a 45 year old mom and a 70 year old dad, perfectly healthy and is now 12 years old. I'm 33 and planned to be child free for life, and now I'm pregnant. Women have always had babies after 35
@biahbiaahh 2 жыл бұрын
She’s growing so fast! 🥺❤️
@reyanalinour5808 2 жыл бұрын
Living in a society where women my age are pressured to get married and have kids,to the point where I was questioning my decision to stay away from it until i create the life I want, this video really helped. Thank you so much this brought me so much clarity, insight and confidence. This means the most.
@ML-zv3if 2 жыл бұрын
Have kids to save yourself from being lonely when growing old. You cannot guarantee a partnership will last. And you don’t wanna go into old peoples home when you can’t look after yourself anymore.
@tlcmnchld 2 жыл бұрын
@@ML-zv3if Having kids also don’t guarantee you won’t be lonely when older either. There are a lot of children who cut contact with their parents, kids who don’t take care of parents when they’re older, kids who don’t live long enough, etc. People shouldn’t have kids solely for that reason.
@ML-zv3if 2 жыл бұрын
@@tlcmnchld Usually that is only the case when the parent was emotionally or physically abusive, or a narcissist. You love your kids they will love you. Am i wrong!
@tlcmnchld 2 жыл бұрын
@@ML-zv3if Sometimes, but unfortunately, not always.
@rochelleowens6501 2 жыл бұрын
I married at 28 and said I would not have children because when I was around my friends children it seemed they were always talking and those kids were doing too much. I vowed when I married I was not going to have children for the first five years. Fast forward we have a 18 year old that just received her acceptance notice into NIU and I have a 15 year old. I too am a older mother. Gosh my classmate is celebrating her son turning 29.😃 I was not the perfect parent but through the years I made sure I apologized when I did something wrong. I refused to wait years later. I made mistakes, worked on myself and try to be the best flawed parent I can be. Still working on myself as a parent.
@cymbamcreynolds8838 2 жыл бұрын
Too many ppl treat having kids as a thing you do to check off a list. Not enough of those ppl actually want to be parents, judging from how many issues or traumatizing experiences ppl have with their parents. I respect everyone waiting for the right partner and situation to take on that job. I want to be a parent one day. I want to be my best self for myself first before I ever try to bring a child along for the ride. I damn sure don't want to do it alone, but I also got ptsd I have to sort thru before dating. The dating market doesn't make me feel hopeful tho
@MultiDaisy1995 2 жыл бұрын
I 100% agree that when you’re thinking of having children, let it be because you want to raise adults. An older women told me that having babies is so fun because it’s like having your own toy. 😳😳😳🤦🏻♀️ No ma’am! Babies are not like toys. They are hard work, attention seeking, needy, full time job, sometimes all consuming humans! With that said: I love my daughter SO MUCH! I stare at her all the time! I dream about her future. I love watching her discover the world around her a little more each day. I LOVE BEING A MOM! buttttt babies do not stay babies. Do not have them because they are cute.
@breenichole5462 2 жыл бұрын
As a single, childless woman. I appreciate this perspective. I love children and I have worked with and helped raise a couple of kids. I want to have kids someday but I am absolutely in no rush.
@RiiRilove 2 жыл бұрын
Ugh this was so nice to watch. Acknowledging babies various personality, mom guilt, and the over all adjustment into being a momma is so beautiful.
@GIRLCHASESDREAMS 2 жыл бұрын
I resonate with the whole “let’s just get through this phase”. Love this honesty. Never was a baby person either. For the brief period that I worked in social work, I already knew that I was a 10+ older type of person. It’s crazy though with all of these feelings it doesn’t negate how much you truly do love your child and those feelings are intense regardless of whether or not you love the phase.
@priskruger314 2 жыл бұрын
Learning about child psychology and development can help. Our third baby was very difficult so a very hard time up until age 3 at the moment but knowing that they can revert to previous stage(s) of development has helped us stay patient. And lots of hugs to calm him down. Tbh them being older brings bad news too and sadness for some things they experience.
@GIRLCHASESDREAMS 2 жыл бұрын
@@priskruger314 Yes. I definitely agree that older doesn’t necessarily mean easier but from my experience, the reason why older children are easier for me really comes down to cognitive conflict. Similar to Shan, we have a baby that is VERY vocal and tends to spend the majority of the day crying or screaming. As someone who is already highly sensitive to sound this makes day to day function as a human very difficult to the point that I walk around with noise cancelling headphones. My husband who is an audio engineer struggles with the constant screaming as well. 5, 8, 10, 15 year olds etc have attitudes and they talk back, but they don’t typically spend majority of their day screaming. For me, that is much easier to deal with. Other than that, constant prompts and reminders to correct behavior doesn’t bother me as it relates to the younger years as I understand a major part of parenting is constantly saying the same thing over again. But when you have a pretty high maintenance and vocal 12 month old, you really do want to speed through this phase.
@priskruger314 2 жыл бұрын
@@GIRLCHASESDREAMS same here. All we could ever do was give hugs and massages. It prompted the hubby to go to the park often w him and he helped w vacuuming etc. We just involved him in everything. It has been hard but because he is our third it's different I guess. Had he been the first It would have been very hard on us. Now we mainly get amuse and enjoy it.
@selfloveapproach 2 жыл бұрын
I’m a nanny!! It’s one of the most important jobs because parenting is soooooo challenging 🤍
@destinyetienne7722 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this video. I cannot thank you enough!! As a 21 year old woman, I’m currently at a point where I do not feel I need to have children to have a complete life. My reasons are same as yours in addition to the current situation we’re in with the pandemic. And my friends who are also my age want children and don’t understand my stance. Listening to your video confirms that I shouldn’t feel guilty for feeling what I feel right now and I accept that what I feel now may change as I get older. Your wisdom and growth is appreciated. Love your channel!
@karlenwilson2909 2 жыл бұрын
Such an important conversation Shan! I felt the part where you said, “once you get an equilibrium, they change” in my spirit!! Thanks for sharing so truthfully 💕
@molly8070 2 жыл бұрын
I don’t want kids bc of financial reason. Maybe one day when I feel stable I’ll change my mind. I also want to choose the right partner. My dog is also my child rn as I’m convinced she’s a toddler reincarnated into a dog
@ML-zv3if 2 жыл бұрын
So what you gonna do age 80+
@smome7773 2 жыл бұрын
@@ML-zv3if why does having kids matter more when you're 80+? It is the same pre-kids to after just might have people visiting you more but life is not empty without kids.
@WandersNotLost 2 жыл бұрын
@@ML-zv3if hire healthcare professionals who do their job well to take care of them. Children aren’t free health care.
@ML-zv3if 2 жыл бұрын
@@WandersNotLost that is wishful thinking i hope you know the amount of neglect and abuse that happens in care homes..loneliness in the elderly is the saddest thing to see. I feel many of us have a clouded reality. What happens when all your friends die. My great grandad had no living friends for the last 20 years of his life, but he had family caring for him especially when he had dementia. It is also very selfish to rely on other peoples kids to watch you in your last days and who’s gonna pay? I feel a lot of us don’t think past age 60. I volunteer for the lonely elderly.. they all either had no kids, or ruined their relationship with kids. There is a loneliness epidemic and it’s painful to watch. You ever seen an old person alone hunched over stuggling to walk by themselves. Us humans are pack animals.
@ML-zv3if 2 жыл бұрын
@@smome7773 you do realise at some point you won’t be able to do for yourself. You will rely on the state which is unreliable. Read my other response.
@chantelserita585 2 жыл бұрын
This is such a helpful perceptive, Shan. 🙌🏽 I love how you reiterate planning for best case scenario. It’s easy to get stuck in the “what if’s” and the negatives. I want to create life into this earth but sometimes fear I’ll lose my passion and individuality. I receive this advice and I’m sure future Chan will be grateful that I did! Thanks for sharing. 💕🤗
@AprilT72 2 жыл бұрын
The part about help is BIG FACTS!!! I've had so many people promise to help then once their in it you can just see that they weren't prepared for it.
@darkangel0388 2 жыл бұрын
I don't have any kids because I haven't yet found myself in what feels like a good place for that, but I have been told parenthood is not one size fits all. I have a friend who is number 2 of 7, and his mother does not lie about her feelings. She always knew she was a family person, and when she found the right man, she wanted 2 or 3 kids. She wanted to be a mother. But she will not hesitate to tell you that from about mid second trimester of pregnancy until the baby turns a year old, that period sucks. She couldn't talk to other moms about it, because especially back then if you didn't think that the entire pregnancy and bonding with your beautiful infant was complete magic, there was something wrong with you. She was lucky enough to have a husband who was supportive and tried to be understanding, and she had her mother for support.
@H6irenvy 2 жыл бұрын
Agree with her %100. I'm entering a new phase of motherhood in a few days and that is being a mom to a one year old and a newborn baby. I've been crying randomly everytime I think about what's about to happen
@luraayzit 2 жыл бұрын
I understand where you are coming from. Women as mothers in this times have more to do than ever before. I wish to live in a world where humans live in communities. This way children have more opportunities to connect. Also we as parents have more frequent support. So that we all can expand more.
@kaira504 2 жыл бұрын
I completely agree. This is the way it should be!
@luraayzit 2 жыл бұрын
@@kaira504 Happy to read that. How wonderful to see expressing an idea and seing others connect to it.
@sarahtoutantphd5965 Жыл бұрын
So affirming to hear someone also excited to see their child grow into adulthood. That’s what excites me the most ❤
@micaela_jordan 2 жыл бұрын
I cannot begin to explain how much I LOVE this video. So we’ll said, so much amazing advice just fantastic ! As a single mum of a 2 year old I wish I had seen this before motherhood, you are going to help so many women with this message 💖
@mellissarobinson9744 2 жыл бұрын
This video is refreshing! I admire the way you've found balance and love that quote from your mom - needed this inspiration.
@parisjones9328 2 жыл бұрын
I relate to your dad so much (without the beating part) both my parents were absent from my adolescent life (14 onwards) and I am extremely proud of the person I turned out as. As much as people put so much pressure on themselves to do everything right as parents and not mess their kid up, I know now that I can make mistakes (probably pretty big ones) and my future kids can still turn out as wonderful people! It takes the pressure off and if you are even a half decent person, your child will know no matter what happens that you are there to help them out of it ☺️
@monikacabraja2308 2 жыл бұрын
Opened the video not expecting to hear sooo many things I relate with! At some point the reasons to have kids that I previously had just vanished and I couldn't think of another until I heard you saying 'I do it for the adult that comes out of it'. That resonates so much with me. Thank you for opening another door and view of the different ways of being a good parent, that's not just one cookie-cutter way 💕
@loveafrica97 2 жыл бұрын
Look at Ryu’s hair coming in awwww! Looking like her daddy omggg Also, I’ve never related or been able to articulate how I’ve felt towards motherhood.. you hit, Shan! I don’t love babies, I’ll hold them and stuff but not a “baby person” but I like seeing kids grow, I like the mental and emotional growth, seeing them blossom, have personality etc. And I like seeing well rounded adults, seeing kids change and intellectually blossom is what makes me want to have kids.. like seeing what they can become! But then early years.. Nah
@kindredkey 2 жыл бұрын
lol this is my comment I swear! --- Ryu look like her daddy though!! Watching my daughter grow and become more independent has made those questionable early years fade into oblivion, I haven't forgotten about though 👀 and don't care to start all over again.
@itsaplantlife9850 2 жыл бұрын
I was pissed to find the biological clock thing was real. To have that urge for a baby while my head was "why tf would I want to do that?!" was crazy making. 31. Freshly divorced.
@maligal19a30 2 жыл бұрын
Wait do you have the kid ??
@SR77736 2 жыл бұрын
Well mine isn't ticking.
@ashley_brown6106 Жыл бұрын
Wow that must be awful
@tristybrooke33 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for your transparency - when she’s like 4/5 you’re going to be so excited. First babies tend to be the most fussy. This video was so helpful to me.
@brujalinda 2 жыл бұрын
So true about making sure this is what you want and don’t let anyone talk u into having a child, because when push comes to shove no one gonna answer their phones. 💯💯
@missliz85 2 жыл бұрын
💯
@ursulabarwise4136 2 жыл бұрын
This was so insightful. I’m pregnant and preparing for life raising a whole individual. This is really encouraging and helpful. Thank you so much! And the sponsor sounds great, will look into that also. ☺️☺️
@sammcmarsh2729 2 жыл бұрын
I'm here for the closing statements! I'm proud of you! Here for the positive vibes, encouragement and reminders to aim for the moon! X
@andrea384 2 жыл бұрын
I loved your honesty and openness in this!! this felt like catching up with an old friend!! love you shan xoxo
@fayerankin5799 2 жыл бұрын
i can relate. I didn't want any more kids because I did not like baby stage. I felt that "glorified bag of rice" lol. now that my kid is almost 4 years old. I love him. I always loved him, but now i love his character, independence, sense of humor. he is fun to be around, and it is fun teaching him everything about life. I'm seeing glimpse of my personality in him more and more. even when he is upset and crying, he vocalizes his feelings, and it is easier for me to empathize with him. more importantly he is potty trained! Now I want another kid. I now know it would be about year three before I will fully enjoy a parent. lbs
@ajohonly3721 2 жыл бұрын
This is really great ,because also your son is now independent . and can understand when you hold another baby in your arms he knows you love as well.
@serenesoundscapes38 2 жыл бұрын
Yessss I feel the same way. My toddler is almost 2 and I feel like I’m in the home stretch, I can’t wait until she’s more independent. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel lol
@ajohonly3721 2 жыл бұрын
@@serenesoundscapes38 Each face comes with it challenges enjoy this face. I have a 3&5 year old girls and it’s something.
@madinaa3868 2 жыл бұрын
L
@CelineAdobea 2 жыл бұрын
I really believe community will benefit children and parents so much, I also think living in communities will have its own struggles, especially in the process of shifting from what we've known to something new
@MegaTiff04 2 жыл бұрын
Love your honesty about the ups & downs of motherhood. It’s not all roses.
@QueenZsWorld 2 жыл бұрын
so proud of you Shan. Motherhood changes you as a person AND THAT'S OKAY. you don't lose yourself, you discover a new side
@stacygutierrez1157 2 жыл бұрын
Shan, you’re so amazing! Thank you for all the content you post. So informative and so relatable. So glad I found your channel years ago. Also, I’m diggin your shirt! Where’d you get it?!
@daaayum_gena 2 жыл бұрын
I cannot express how grateful I am fo this more nuanced take on motherhood. I know it's not a rare perspective but I only tend to find content for/about/by those who either know they don't want kids or know they did. Appreciate Shan (and Jared, in others) for taking the big risk of criticism to talk about this specific headspace about the decision to become a parent. It is SO REFRESHING.
@brigleimo 2 жыл бұрын
Pregnant right now, and can completely related to feeling/knowing that the first infant year will not be my favorite, for pretty similar reasons that Shan expressed so well. I’m more interested in parenting a child/teen/adult than caring for an infant, but it’s part and parcel of the experience. Thankful someone else relates to this, and willing to share that perspective so openly. I’m reassured to know that Shan knowing that ahead of time was helpful to her - hopefully will also be to me! For context, I’m thrilled with this pregnancy and my situation that has led me here, knew I wanted to be a parent, but also have never had that “ovaries tingling” feeling for babies. Hope this is helpful for anyone out there with the same thoughts and feelings. Thanks Shan!!! I never comment on videos, but had to give you 🙌🏼 for sharing an “unpopular” opinion about motherhood. Loved this video!!
@JanelleFraser 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you soooo much for this video! I can relate so much & as someone who is an intimacy coach sometimes I get hard on myself. Becoming a parent has been alll consuming & there is so much I’m proud of but it is also very hard. I wish I didn’t struggle as much as I do. I just appreciated hearing such a real perspective from someone I admire so much!
@brittla200 2 жыл бұрын
I absolutely LOVED every moment in this video and the incredibly impactful message. Thank you 💕. I needed this.
@ednasey 2 жыл бұрын
Yeeep! Yep and yep! After I had my baby (now she's 17 month old and I'm also and old mum) I not so shure of having a second child!!! I mean I'm still finding myself again, or who I'm I now... But getting intimate time with my significant other it's a freaking joooooob we need to keep investing on... I absolutly love the quote "love on having an adult not on having onñy a baby" Thanks for making a conversation.
@SarahLyoness 2 жыл бұрын
"a glorified bag of rice" 🤣🤣 i completely relate to how you talked about the baby phase. i've never had baby fever and i know that if i become a mom, i'll be so impatient for them to grow past that into walking and being more independent for sure!
@sofiagrilo8636 2 жыл бұрын
You are one of my inspiration as a young adult. Thank you, Shan!
@wadettem 2 жыл бұрын
What a fantastic video!! Thanks girl 😘 And can i please give you a compliment on your hair in the better help clips. Love it. Want it!
@walkermicroclinic817 2 жыл бұрын
Shan you are incredible and I hope your daughter grows up to appreciate what an amazing mother and person she has to raise her. She's very lucky to have you
@nickitadill674 2 жыл бұрын
How you spoke some years ago is how I speak in my twenties now but I love how genuine and generous you are as a whole it oozes out of the video and I resonate just no child but I aspire to remain having a developing mentality so stable and safe like this
@305nt 2 жыл бұрын
"A glorified bag of rice" 😆😅 I'm dieing
@veronika.afrassca 2 жыл бұрын
I love the way you articulate yourself and the way you think. Thanks for making this video. It's good to hear all this since i've decided to not have kids but have example in seeing that it can change and it can also be fine.
@shereedelice891 2 жыл бұрын
This video resonated with me on so many levels. Every day I think to myself “i can’t wait till your older” I just vibe better with older and independent humans. I love my kids of course but the amount of dependence my girls have on me is such a energy and life suck. But watching this video just made me “normal” ❤️
@soniagray5734 2 жыл бұрын
One of the most important conversations I've ever heard.....thank you for your honesty. It's refreshing.....I keep saying this to all women....it is the hardest job and one you cannot walk away from....
@marichkamilord4405 2 жыл бұрын
I have an 8 month old and I had the EXACT same fear prior having her and I feel EXACTLY the same way as you. I am just trying to get through that phase and looking forward for her to have independence. Thank you so much for being radically honest and addressing this.
@KimberlyRamirez-wi9xz 2 жыл бұрын
This is a raw and beautiful video. Thank you for saying all the things mothers are not allowed to say aloud. Wish you and your family the best!
@brieey1482 2 жыл бұрын
I never wanted kids because of: 1. Not wanting the responsibility 2. I like my space & me time 3. They're sooo active Now I'm 21 with a 1 year old daughter. It's actually not that bad & she changed me in ways I would have never thought of. I love it!! I think about giving her another sibling a few years from now. I also like things with just the both of us.
@ninab9169 10 ай бұрын
Same💙💙💙
@annamariamarquez7060 2 жыл бұрын
Wow Shan, I don't comment on videos ever but this was exactly what i needed to hear right now. I grew up always thinking I wanted kids, but now I find myself seriously questioning that and am deeply considering a child-free life. I'm asking the hard question of "why" either way and taking time to find my underlying desires and fears along with considering the potential consequences of each. More importantly, I'm learning to be okay with not knowing right now and learning to let go of the pressure until I feel confident in making the best decision for ME.
@jaelyns2387 2 жыл бұрын
People b “romanticizing” having babies as if that’s all they are n become to b. Some potential parents don’t think about the future of their children let alone their own futures
@LifewithPatience 2 жыл бұрын
You are doing great Shan! I wish I had more real life friends like you.
@hoooyea163 2 жыл бұрын
I dont want kids because I just dont find it fulfilling at ALLL i really cant imagine anything more miserable than having kids LOL im selfish af wanna be a kid forever
@AngelaElikya 2 жыл бұрын
How do you know if it’s fulfilling if you never had it
@EbonnieTaylor 2 жыл бұрын
Same now im a mom n im i still stand by it
@julietarios6415 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for being so loving and honest!!!
@TheImperfectReader 2 жыл бұрын
Wow I really needed to hear this!!!
@user-zk7ln9fj2b 6 ай бұрын
Shannon I have been following you for years. Thank you for such a wonderful and nuanced perspective on motherhood. Nuance is so often left out of these conversations (in my experience). I was so convinced that I NEVER wanted kids and it wasn't until I felt the safety in my current relationship that my potential for motherhood started to blossom. I still don't know if I will have kids. I also have a lot I have to focus on (years and years of self abandonment, low self esteem, you name it). But damn, it feels good to hear the bad AND the good. And kudos to YOU. After all of this you still remain with as much clarity that attracted me to your channel to begin with.
@taviazepeda1240 2 жыл бұрын
SHE’S STANDING NOW?! 😭 my heart is melting 🥲
@Itsterrileeee 2 жыл бұрын
Omg she’s so big now 🥺 and this video is so relatable. My baby is 10 months and it’s a full time job hunty 😂 idk if I want more kids tbh. Hardest job I EVER had but I love my stink so much. Seeing her smile is so worth it but idk if I can repeat this again lmao still trying to find myself in motherhood 💕
@alexouadg6784 2 жыл бұрын
love you shan thank you for this. ryu is the cutest
@lovelaugh5905 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for saying this! I have felt the same way..your honesty is so refreshing because most people won't say this, they pretend they can handle everything and their always fine. Like I have no one to relate to. I've got a 3 year old and 2 year old 😊 very challenging.
@terynaliya 2 жыл бұрын
Love how honest you were in this video!
@jteardrops1224 2 жыл бұрын
I've been watching you for years and absolutely love you! The whole family and the enjoy family. You all are amazing🔥🔥🔥🔥
@meghanhoover9252 2 жыл бұрын
ryu trying to grab the phone while the vid plays of you saying you didn’t want kids is so funny 😂😂😂
@jaz1elise 2 жыл бұрын
Amazing video on motherhood! I was scared to be a mother because of my childhood but I’m in therapy now to heal. I look forward to being a mother with the right partner. I think I’m a toddler person too but we’ll see.
@Ayyyyooooo 2 жыл бұрын
Shan you are so beautiful inside and out!! Definitely an inspiration!! 💗
@orianaforsythe9159 2 жыл бұрын
I needed to see something like this. Thank you ❤️
@godsgirl7201 2 жыл бұрын
I love how level headed you are!!!
@thabisilentleko3741 2 жыл бұрын
Really appreciate this video. Currently pregnant. I didn't necessarily want it or cared to have a child for myself and I feel like I'm disappointing people with my lack of enthusiasm about the whole thing. I'm not a kid person in general but I'm sure I will like my own once it comes. Also had goals about school and my career this year and I find being pregnant takes up a lot of my energy and focus but I still plan to finish my studies this year (before the baby comes 😬).
@sunshinepeace 2 жыл бұрын
I second this! Wasn’t necessarily ready or wanted kids at this stage of my life… I am also in school and had career and business goals i wanted to reach before motherhood, but here I am in my second trimester of pregnancy, prepping for a natural home birth
@KrispyKrunchee 2 жыл бұрын
What I’ve always battled is the idea that having a child would stand in my way of doing the things I Love and want and while I know, as a Mother myself, the real depth of Mom-Fatigue, I honestly feel like if my son was not born I would not be this person at all!!! Being a Mother helped me to learn to Love myself and it heightened my sense of purpose. I am so grateful and I am so proud of the person my son is growing to be… If I never get to do it again I know I gave it my all!!! 🙌🏾
@gisellefitzgerald1556 2 жыл бұрын
So glad that I found your video! Definitely gained a subscriber. Your honesty is refreshing. I feel seen! I've always wanted to be a mother but OMG this is so hard! I'm a first time momma of an 11 month old and my baby is very even tempered. A real blessing. But I always feel overwhelmed regardless. It's just so much. Ugh I rambling now but seriously thank you for this. Love and light
@vickynyerere 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this video, as a new mom this makes me feel like I'm not alone
@mimicallsit7675 10 ай бұрын
Thank you soooo much for this. It’s really helpful as I navigate this process for myself.
@Smooveandpretty 2 жыл бұрын
Her 3rd reason for not wanting to have kids is REAL LIFE. It’s so easy to lose yourself n you won’t realize it cz you’re so caught up with the baby.
@DesiLu4Life 2 жыл бұрын
I was wondering where you were!! Welcome back!! Looking good! ❤️
@VeeLaFunk 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for posting this ❤️
@Datb2 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this perspective. Ryu is adorbs but I know I can’t give my all to even one kid so none for me
@paigebeachy 2 жыл бұрын
Even in videos where the topic doesn’t currently pertain to me I still end up loving.. Shan’s videos are church
@Flowerchildliving 9 ай бұрын
I love how real your videos are. You are a blessing to this world Shan❤
@jaelyns2387 2 жыл бұрын
I fear fuc&in up another human that’s why having kids scares me 😂 childhood & parenthood are such HUGE FACTORS in development, character, etc
@jnhforlife5326 2 жыл бұрын
I'm not a mother but when you mentioned shooting for the stars and landing on the tree tops I found that so inspiring. But the thing for me is that I give myself such a hard time that even if I land in the tree tops I am still disappointed in myself and tend to compare myself more to others!
@yveqeshy 2 жыл бұрын
I appreciate how you go in on how much of an undertaking this has been for, if thus kind of honesty was available in the past, I think more people would be more forthcoming about their intent to have kids and also be more open to talking the reality of raising a kid
@milliamtamale7104 2 жыл бұрын
Iam one of those single mums since the day of pregnancy till now but am happy my boy is now joining univesity, can't wait when he becomes what he dreams always,adoctor.
@PfEMP 2 жыл бұрын
3:14 I appreciate the Moana in the background 😄
@shanboody 2 жыл бұрын
See the line where the sky meets the sea?