Why I divorced my wife.

Рет қаралды 6,573,004

11 ай бұрын

Though divorce is extremely challenging there are several things that can be way less challenging. One of those is taking memes and performing them as a monologue. These are not original jokes. If you know the source of any of these jokes beyond the meme, please let me know so I can properly credit the writer. Dead Dad by ‪@nicknemeroff2124‬ #dadjokes

Пікірлер: 5 300

@seasonedveteran3517 10 ай бұрын

I called my son and said, "Listen, your mother and I are getting a divorce. Forty-five years of misery is enough!" My son said, "Dad, what are you talking about? Have you lost your mind?" I said, “We can't stand the sight of each other any longer. I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this! Call your sister and tell her." Then I hung up the phone. Shocked and worried, my son called and told his sister. She said, "Like hell they are!" She called me and said, "You are not getting divorced! Don't do another thing. The two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, do not call a lawyer or file any papers. DO YOU HEAR ME!?", and hung up the phone. I turned to my wife and said, "Honey, they’re both coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own airfare!"

@hodanibrahim8983 10 ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 omg

@tabethacrysel4692 10 ай бұрын

😂😂😂

@katrinabaker4490 10 ай бұрын

WOW😂😂😂😂😂

@tuc1113 10 ай бұрын

😂😅🤣

@kallisapowell-wq7lf 10 ай бұрын

😅😅😅

@_im_THAT_band_kid_ 10 ай бұрын

Who, ray? = Hooray! Why July? = Why did ya lie? these went RIGHT over my head.

@juanitagartley937 10 ай бұрын

Just the who Ray= hooray for me. Thanks.

@_im_THAT_band_kid_ 10 ай бұрын

@@juanitagartley937 np! took me about 5 re watches 🥲😅

@pattytoscano9569 10 ай бұрын

Thanks for the help!

@happyngulube1871 10 ай бұрын

Thank you

@nope..123 10 ай бұрын

Thank you for that, watched it several times

@viaisabeauty7540 4 ай бұрын

It took me ENTIRELY too long to realize this was satire 😭😭😭

@emilio_s6735 3 ай бұрын

What is a satire?

@maxwilliam1063 3 ай бұрын

@@emilio_s6735 Basically something that sounds real but it's actually like a joke for humor purposes!

@nobuhlengema4102 3 ай бұрын

Lol

@suefleming 2 ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂😂

@asilah3164 2 ай бұрын

Perfect delivery! 😅😅😅

@CharlieApples 27 күн бұрын

1) Confusion 2) Confusion 3) Oh my god 4) 10/10

@bonitaknierim8677 10 ай бұрын

DID NOT REALIZE THIS WAS A JOKE AT FIRST. HAD TO LISTEN TO IT TWICE. GREAT DELIVERY.

@retrogameryasuke 8 ай бұрын

I caught all the other ones except for the "who ray" (hooray) part I had to hear that part😂😂😂

@TriceTyme 8 ай бұрын

Same 😂

@lorer1488 8 ай бұрын

Oh, thanks. Esa no la habría sacado nunca xd Y me diste la idea de solo escuchar lo que decía, entonces pude entender lo demás 😁

@teorror8729 8 ай бұрын

You and me both. This was very well done and I truly hope it's his original bit. If it's joke theft, then shame him straight to hell. If it's his, 9/10 for corny dad jokes 👏🏼👏🏼

@AfrilishAliceRN 7 ай бұрын

I was about to call it mental illness. I'm a nurse but guess I'm slow. 😅😂 🐌🐌🐌🐌

@preciouskeneema384 10 ай бұрын

Bro took misunderstanding to a new level 💀

@totesmagotes3688 10 ай бұрын

@@rozannayiannakis477my dad is dEd. I’ve been pronouncing it wrong my whole life 😢😂

@Biincg 5 ай бұрын

Definitely

@ms9771 3 ай бұрын

She was not human just had the face of a woman

@sv6775 3 ай бұрын

𝘔𝘮𝘩𝘮𝘮… *L🤭L*

@Milenrama1220 15 күн бұрын

miss understanding

@kuroknight5103 7 ай бұрын

Ok, but some people are really this dumb... My dad said "I need to go by the store on the way home" and I replied, "You can afford to buy a store???" It keeps me up at night. Thankfully my husband is very patient with me 😅

@abeth217 2 ай бұрын

Good one! 😂

@siraphatdao-cl4xv 2 ай бұрын

Huh

@beautifulplaces2703 2 ай бұрын

Just casually buy a store on the way home.

@Yraur Ай бұрын

4-20-24 Patient with you? What does that mean?

@kuroknight5103 Ай бұрын

@kcorrr he doesn't yell at me when I make mistakes, he just patiently explains what he means if I don't understand

@tomthenighttrain2869 6 ай бұрын

I didn’t get it until the “10 is too many” punchline

@RC-xl8se 11 ай бұрын

I see a dad jokes professional here

@paulcarson7752 11 ай бұрын

Dude seriously just single-handedly conceived, created and won the 'Dad Joke: World Championship'. 😎😎😎

@Timmybarron 11 ай бұрын

Conceived is too much credit. I merely created the story. The jokes were either inspired or ripped off from memes. But thank you 😊

@tomschmidt9923 10 ай бұрын

Ima go w/ CONCEIVED

@javiarcamaro7178 10 ай бұрын

He got the Dad joke diseas a bit too early, most men start to show symptoms the moment that strip turns positive, sadly for this man symptoms happened before a child was created to stabilize the disease 🦠 sad tale, please support these non dads by just saying “ok dad” because they really need it 😢

@commerciallyspeaking 10 ай бұрын

@@javiarcamaro7178 Why is everyone assuming her doesn't have kids? I think he has two daughters.

@1truthseeking8 10 ай бұрын

@@Timmybarroni mack you late eh jack late i son ?

@shanellerandall9443 13 күн бұрын

He looks like he is about to cry. Amazing delivery

@Driverswithattitudes 3 ай бұрын

Dad Humor Level 3000😂😅

@OJK9 10 ай бұрын

It's not just the great puns, it's the genius dramatic delivery!

@melodylonganglin997 10 ай бұрын

Nice job. Jajaja…Oddly, there are people like this person in the pun. They take everything wrong.

@stephenross3838 10 ай бұрын

Unbelievably true.

@MirabelSmith-lh8tx 4 ай бұрын

Unbelievable

@Schneidermariam1 12 күн бұрын

Can we be friends

@jimmyneutron8702 11 ай бұрын

I didn’t realize it was a joke until the end, great acting man

@regularperson5647 11 ай бұрын

Bruh i caught on at the first one 😂

@ivoryfyall2398 11 ай бұрын

Yoo. I'm feeling sorry for him😂😂😂😂I'm like damnnn I glad you got rid of her. 😢😢😢😢😢

@Refentsemohutsioa_ 10 ай бұрын

U.sumb

@-Alexthefurry- 10 ай бұрын

Wait this was a joke? I was about to go nuts on this guy 💀

@Mystic76s 10 ай бұрын

😂

@raya9283 29 күн бұрын

This is called intelligent satire.

@Milenrama1220 15 күн бұрын

Sat. Tire.

@Schneidermariam1 12 күн бұрын

Can we be friends?

@1202nparvus 7 ай бұрын

I need to process like a calculus before I get the Dad joke. 1. Who Ray? (Hooray!) 2. 10 (drinks), tomorrow, 3. Dad (Dead)

@JCPFILMS 11 ай бұрын

Man I thought he was serious at first 😂

@pamelamohn5931 10 ай бұрын

The first line went over my head at first; probably because we had a neighbor named Ray who died. But I got it on July; why'd you lie.😂😂

@brootal4234 10 ай бұрын

Bruh, his delivery made me think he was serious at first. He’s good

@woody3476 8 күн бұрын

Damn, the execution on this was pretty much perfect. I normally pick up on these, but you got me up until the end 😂

@lovingatlanta 2 ай бұрын

👍😂Yeppers ya got me! I didn’t realize this was a joke. 😆🤣😂

@Nic7320 10 ай бұрын

This guy sent 10 of his best puns into a contest, hoping one would win, but... No pun in ten did.

@ItalianoWithJodina 10 ай бұрын

ahhhhh hahahahaha!

@SchrodingersMath 6 ай бұрын

🤔......👍🔥......😅

@KingdomOfLosers_ 5 ай бұрын

Lmaooo underrated comment

@motherhoodunfiltered1754 5 ай бұрын

😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅

@154angel154 4 ай бұрын

WHITTY AF!!!

@deidrajimi9816 10 ай бұрын

Mannnnn she divorced YOU!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

@AS-yz2iz 10 ай бұрын

😂

@phh.8393 9 ай бұрын

Looks like she had enough 😂

@michelleoli4201 6 күн бұрын

😂 the fact it took me a few times, then I checked the comments then listened again and then finally got it 🤣🤣

@prettyrican Ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂😂 omg sounded serious at first you got me "That's way too many 💀

@katherineromero8589 11 ай бұрын

I had to watch this 3 times to get what was happening.

@DColskoolCMoore61 10 ай бұрын

Me too!

@Bella-zz4je 10 ай бұрын

You are not alone😂😂😂😂

@andreasbendix1893 10 ай бұрын

Nah bro

@magnesium_mg0 10 ай бұрын

Same

@TheItalianMafia 10 ай бұрын

1. "Hooray?" 2. "Why'd you lie" 3. He thought she was telling him how to pronounce it

@PlaneMusic46294 10 ай бұрын

For the those who don’t understand: 1. He thought the wife said hooray. 2. He thought his wife said Why you lie? 3. He thought the doctor called his dad, ”dead". 4. He thought tomorrow she was gonna drink ten.

@rainydaylady6596 10 ай бұрын

Thank you for number three. I've watched and watched and couldn't figure out that one. 🤣😂🤣🖖💕

@d.a.tsun5104 10 ай бұрын

My manager likes to start a meeting with corny dad jokes. Everybody laughs. I don't get them. Someone always has to explain to me. So thank you.

@PlaneMusic46294 10 ай бұрын

no worrys guys

@havalonsjourney 10 ай бұрын

Thank you

@warrenroy5376 10 ай бұрын

Thank you. I now understand what the trouble was. The only one i understand was the last one about 10.

@demsyciu Ай бұрын

10 drinks? That's should had been a red flag 😂😂

@mookeystinks190 7 ай бұрын

I laughed way too hard at this. Thank you needed that 😂

@SusieQ3 10 ай бұрын

You had me up until that first punchline 😂😂😂 these are some good dad jokes! Great delivery.

@kevinholmes5241 10 ай бұрын

Dude, I had to watch a second time to actually grasp the humor. You're a genius.

@trialgoddess 10 ай бұрын

Yes, he is. His looks and voice are perfect to deliver these straight.

@saxpoobielex7769 10 ай бұрын

It took your comment for me to realize. I was like, " What did she do, that so horrible?" Because I didn't see it.😅

@Dandilion_ 4 күн бұрын

My neighbor actually goes by Ray 💀

@oiohnyx6107 17 күн бұрын

I caught everything from the start, and I'm rolling😂😂

@cherylmerideth5143 10 ай бұрын

How could he say this entire thing with a straight face?!

@poppymofolo3721 10 ай бұрын

Having to watch this the second time made me realize I wasn't as quick witted as I thought 🤣🤣🤣

@KadeemLiburd 8 ай бұрын

God tier dad jokes

@ProfessionalDiary 19 күн бұрын

Oh my god!!! You got me good! I thought I was having a stroke. Like what? 😅

@alexislagrone2256 10 ай бұрын

this is why you listen when ppl talk to you

@nerisaleota2493 10 ай бұрын

Bro took misunderstanding to a whole nother level💀

@lulugen 10 ай бұрын

he even cried 😂

@patriciacole8773 10 ай бұрын

It can really be like that too with some people

@TristenMay-ko2vs Ай бұрын

I had to watch it twice before I realized I got dad joked

@AydensGuitar 5 ай бұрын

This got me good took me 6 times to realise he was just fucking around haha

@tjones673 10 ай бұрын

The fact he kept a straight face like everything actually happened made it that much more funnier

@georgevarughese4886 10 ай бұрын

True 👍🏽 ✔️

@illbeyourhuckleberry6484 10 ай бұрын

Even his voice a little upset about his Dad.

@thomasmartin3471 10 ай бұрын

More funny

@djordje721 10 ай бұрын

I stopped watching when I saw painted nails.

@M.M.Sofaworld 10 ай бұрын

@@illbeyourhuckleberry6484q@@q

@peterschmidt1453 10 ай бұрын

Had to listen a second time to hear what I was missing.

@KimMartin1969 10 ай бұрын

Same!

@twilightshealy4152 10 ай бұрын

I had to read the comments to figure out what was going on.... I'm still trying to get some of them. I'm overthinking them. 😕

@amydartist9209 10 ай бұрын

Same 😂

@Cavernvision 10 ай бұрын

Had to hear it and not read the text on a couple of those.

@user-ii9ft5zz4t 10 ай бұрын

I’m still not getting it😖

@babybojanglesjr 3 ай бұрын

I half asleep and hella confused

@idofps9709 2 ай бұрын

I didn't realize it was a joke until the end LOL

@Tayo.OluTowoju 10 ай бұрын

Dude, you did her a favour 😅

@PTRRanger951 10 ай бұрын

He’s literally the funniest man on KZfaq with this video. The fact he was able to deliver individual jokes, with their own punch line, into a story is awesome.

@AFVfan1 10 ай бұрын

Not gonna lie. You almost had me. 😂😂😂

@gyanibibi2883 10 ай бұрын

Why July!?? 😂

@cocoquake 19 күн бұрын

When I finally got the "mispronouncing dad" my ass cracked

@TheYonori 2 ай бұрын

It took me a long second to figure it out but I haven't stopped chucking since. Lmao

@peytonarredondo 11 ай бұрын

After watching this twice I finally got it🤣 this guy's straight face and acting skills are so good I believed it was real until the second time!!🙀😹

@patricecunninghamakaintern2833 10 ай бұрын

I still don't get it

@peytonarredondo 10 ай бұрын

Think about her answers Her: who ray? Him hearing: Hooray

@eddiet3026 10 ай бұрын

Hilarious!!! His dadpan delivery was perfection! 😂😂😂😂😂

@chocbadboy 9 ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂

@bluesky5384 3 ай бұрын

The dad jokes that you don't realize are dad jokes the first time through lol

@rabiiautsey1813 15 күн бұрын

You wasted my time being nosey. I'm perfectly fine with that 😂😂😂😂

@donnawanna9833 10 ай бұрын

A divorce is probably the best thing you've ever given her.

@stephenross3838 10 ай бұрын

😂

@gloriamrales-king8606 10 ай бұрын

😅😅😅😅😅😅😅 But he is funny!!

@liorobin4130 10 ай бұрын

😢😂😂😂😂😅

@dantoinettetaylor1663 10 ай бұрын

It’s supposed to be a joke

@gloriamrales-king8606 10 ай бұрын

@@dantoinettetaylor1663 It was actually REALLY funny!! But he's good, because he keeps a straight face!!!

@MariafromthePhilippineIslands 10 ай бұрын

Husband: Our neighbor died Wife: Who Ray (husband hears: "hurray" Husband: Not appropriate cheer at that moment. Husband: When I told her my favorite month was coming up. Wife: Why July (husband hears: "why you lie) Husband: I didn't Husband: When my dad passed away. He was at the hospital. I couldn't make it before his death. And when I got there she told me that the doctor said that my dad was pronounced dead. (Husband's understanding that the word DAD was mispronounced as DEAD) Husband: There's no way I've been mispronouncing it (from DAD to DEAD) in my entire life. But she kept defending the doctor. That's the joke which cracks my head how to analyze it. 🤯🤯

@tanethpalma4818 10 ай бұрын

That make sense awesome... I can't understand, now I know. Thanks

@benemarrie5354 9 ай бұрын

This was so helpful😁... by the way, such an underrated comment

@aaa-tm2kp 9 ай бұрын

Genius!

@vital1000 9 ай бұрын

I appreciate

@nikoletaskountrianou6421 9 ай бұрын

Τhank you i finally understood 😂😮

@qplaylistlibrary4296 4 ай бұрын

😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂boy your crazy a$& has me going for a minute. I was obviously not paying attention

@JupitersDarkAllure357 5 ай бұрын

Yoooo lol shit went over my head I felt stupid when I realized all the jokes 😂

@RatherBeSailing 10 ай бұрын

You’re a GENIUS, man. A freakin’ genius….. and with a straight face. AMAZING

@Mushroom321- 2 ай бұрын

Right!!😅

@coolcat3452 11 күн бұрын

Still don’t get the daddy joke lol!!!😂😂😢

@maloumanacop6298 10 ай бұрын

I felt terrible initially, got confused in the middle, and then laughed at the end. LOL.

@whatever7004 10 ай бұрын

Lol me too 😅

@ZC-hi8ir 10 ай бұрын

I'm still confused after watching it twice 😭

@soachanh7887 10 ай бұрын

@@ZC-hi8ir "Hooray", "Why you lie?", "Dad" should be pronounced "dead", 10 (drinks) tomorrow.

@ZC-hi8ir 10 ай бұрын

@@soachanh7887sorry Im still confused,, I'm reaching out to a lawyer 😂😂😂😅

@soachanh7887 10 ай бұрын

@@ZC-hi8ir She said, "Who, Ray?". He hears it as "Hooray!". "Why July?" He hears is as "Why you lie?" "Dad was pronounced dead", he interprets it as "Dad" should be pronounced/called as "dead" She said, "How about 10 (o'clock) tomorrow?" He interprets as her saying, "how about 10 (drinks) tomorrow"

@iandlfamilydream3744 Ай бұрын

Oh my ! I had to listen to it 3 times before realizing it was a joke 😂😂

@Kkell0x 2 ай бұрын

The "who ray" joke went straight over my head😂

@deborahalqanai6595 10 ай бұрын

What a crackup! Who Ray? Not hooray! Why do you lie? Not July! The doctor pronounced the dad’s name dead!” Not just some drinks today but tomorrow 10 drinks!”😂😂😂😂😂

@senijoral3880 10 ай бұрын

Thanks to you i can finally understand the joke 😂😂😂

@blueocean402 10 ай бұрын

Me too! I was wondering what was the whole message about?

@reneesaunders2704 10 ай бұрын

😂

@PepTalkTillYouDrop 10 ай бұрын

Is still don't get it 😕😵‍💫

@michellemanagbanag5762 10 ай бұрын

Hahahaha now I know,😅

@BeFabWithGab 11 ай бұрын

Very well done! The end was the best! “…how about 10, no that’s way too many” clever wording 👍😀

@dianaargudo8085 10 ай бұрын

What does that mean ....

@matthewdancz9152 7 күн бұрын

I'm afraid I am going to add these to my dadabase...

@nobody7381 2 ай бұрын

took me half the video to realize he was making puns

@amjPeace 10 ай бұрын

Communication is key to a successful relationship.😂

@totesmagotes3688 10 ай бұрын

Jeez dude. I listened to this 5 times to make sense of the last thing, then realized this guy has the most gutwrenching style of joke telling ever. Legendary 😂

@nurazlan74 9 ай бұрын

The serious face is savage🤭

@johnathanblauw2608 2 ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 the dad jokes power is strong with this one

@bettyroberson1095 10 ай бұрын

Sooo true....Ppl divorce most often, bc of miscommunication, until there is no connection, anymore.

@PTRRanger951 10 ай бұрын

Or people watching this not getting everything he says has its own punch line. Who Ray? Not appropriate to cheer (Hooray!). Month, why July? (Why’d you lie). Pronounced Dad Dead ( He’s been pronouncing dad wrong his entire life). 10 Tomorrow. (10am not 10 drinks).

@jerrytaz6982 10 ай бұрын

It's all in the delivery. Well done, my dude. 👍

@Timmybarron 9 ай бұрын

Thank you

@Danielle-md3mr 8 ай бұрын

The serious face 😂

@BaedekerBat 10 ай бұрын

Got chills on the second punchline as all the pieces fell together. Subtle delivery was brilliantly executed.

@karlee7375 10 ай бұрын

OMG! Why did I have to watch this twice and focus waaaayyyy too hard! 😂😂😂

@carolynsteele1465 2 ай бұрын

Fifteen minutes passed before I realized that he was joking.

@rashb3994 9 ай бұрын

Oh man the "dead" had me laughing out loud pretty hard. Took me a minute.

@camy1512 10 ай бұрын

I seriously had to listen to this twice before I got it. Good job

@darrylstukessr120 11 ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂😂. When we got to “Why July” I got it 😂😂😂😂

@whitemanbaydlag1871 10 ай бұрын

I dont get it, can u explain?

@sm00gzbear 10 ай бұрын

@@whitemanbaydlag1871cuz july

@whitemanbaydlag1871 10 ай бұрын

@@Average_human_being. thank you above average human being

@randolphedward8152 10 ай бұрын

@@Average_human_being.Why did he lie about what?

@pamelamohn5931 10 ай бұрын

Same here; then I had to go back and listen to the first line.

@BS-dq1kz 5 ай бұрын

I can’t believe so many in the comments didn’t realize this was a joke from the very start. 😆

@christinaharrington7328 9 ай бұрын

I came here by searching for divorce support videos and landed here. This is freakin hilarious. Thanks for the laughs

@shoregirl4733 10 ай бұрын

I was like, huh?? I literally had to listen twice😂 Well executed, sir!

@finabond8926 10 ай бұрын

Confused jokes, but funny, after I add up the words.

@TemptationDesign 10 ай бұрын

I had to listen to it more than once to get it...

@2112jp 10 ай бұрын

Same

@catrinafraser5086 10 ай бұрын

I am doing same.

@babilx6216 10 ай бұрын

Me too

@killtheorangeclown7883 10 ай бұрын

Ooofff.. I am not the only one...

@amoalosperros9672 10 ай бұрын

Well here is another one ☝️. I thought: well , maybe because English is not my first language but , now I know that’s not the reason 😅

@missg1727 Ай бұрын

It was dad joke when I caught on, then the drink joke came right behind. This was a clever play on words and funny.

@CB-dj1uz 2 ай бұрын

Husband told me he wanted a divorce today needed this laugh!

@kimmihoyeontanie3024 10 ай бұрын

I thought it was serious not until I heard "the doctor pronounced him dead. I know I pronounce it right." 😂

@caspeezy 11 ай бұрын

this is a great video, really makes me rethink the meaning of love

@e.t.2914 11 ай бұрын

Did you miss that he's just making puns?

@caspeezy 11 ай бұрын

@@e.t.2914 💀 whats next, youre gonna try to tell me that monty python isnt a serious movie? you obviously dont know what youre talking about. this video was 100% meant to be deep and inspirational.

@e.t.2914 11 ай бұрын

I guess you got it 😆

@ItalianoWithJodina 10 ай бұрын

bwahahahahaha!

@diveloopthrills7613 Ай бұрын

This took me way too long to figure out it’s a joke

@Yeahmate01 15 күн бұрын

This is the bloke you dread to sit next too in a quiet bar.

@enslaveddave5306 11 ай бұрын

This made me lol, solidly crafted jokes

@karendenning72 10 ай бұрын

He's a master at joke delivery 🤣

@mingmingyip19 5 ай бұрын

The last one was the laugh out loud one

@byronmccall1554 8 ай бұрын

And he's so serious 😂😂😂

@CrabbyO 10 ай бұрын

“How about 10, tomorrow?” Oh, that’s wifee!🥰

@saariaaigner 10 ай бұрын

sorry i don't get this joke if this video a joke at all.

@princesscharis 10 ай бұрын

@@saariaaigner I didn't get the joke either..... I didn't understand anything. lol

@sydneypompilio5359 10 ай бұрын

@@saariaaignershe meant how about 10pm tomorrow they get drinks. He thought she meant get 10 drinks tomorrow.

@sydneypompilio5359 10 ай бұрын

@saariaaigner she meant how about 10pm tomorrow they get drinks. He thought she meant get 10 drinks tomorrow. When he told her the neighbor died she said "who ray?" He thought she meant "hooray!!" As in cheering that the neighbor was dead like hip hip horay

@saariaaigner 10 ай бұрын

@@sydneypompilio5359 ahh ok. thank you