Do you feel like people are testing you all the time?

I've noticed that people who think they are extra important are offended when I speak to them like an ordinary person.

As soon as you say NO you are a bad person. I got sick & tired of being told I had to interrupt my weekend to go & play taxi service. I worked 50+ hours so considered my weekends as rest time or house duties to catch up. INFJ's hate to be bossed around or told "You Must" do this. I am my own person & I know what I want. For years I was too soft to say NO & was good enough when people needed me but never reciprocated the help when I needed their support. Now I know how to say NO !!!

The infj rage is no joke. I'm gonna say things I can't take back and things you won't ever forget.

I recently ended a relationship with someone who thought I was amazing, but as soon as I started respecting my own time and boundaries they couldn’t handle it. I’ve given up on relationships. It seems like people only want you if you ‘conform’ to their version of what they believe you to be. I love your channel Wenzes ☺️

You don't bother me , I don't bother you .

The workplace is a hellish place for someone like me.I hate unnecessary drama so I avoid rambunctious adults.It's like being at a daycare centre.Having to reprimand "adults" all day is exhausting.I appreciate your take on this irritating subject.I will take it with me.

I appear kind to most, it's me but just a small portion of who I am. I think people underestimate "INFJs" because infjs can be friendly people but totally miss the fact that infjs can be calculated and devious individuals. infjs can be warm caring and sincere or cold callous and calculated, the perfect paradox... I sincerely love y'all

No feedback or reaction from us , that is why we are hated .

If someone doesn't respond to me or stops paying attention to me, I walk away. I don't see why it's that hard for other people to figure that out.

One of my favorite sayings (warnings) is, you're going to meet somebody you don't think exists and you don't want to meet twice... it's on you what happens next. "What happens next" is usually the door slam to avoid committing murder.

11:24 INFJ male here. I agree. However, sometimes it’s not so much that i don’t give a person the chance to get to know me but rather it’s that they don’t really ask about us in a genuine way. Sometimes those that ask about us in a genuine way just get carried away in the moment of bonding. Other times it’s another narcissist i’ve “attracted”. I have learned to better select whom to befriend. At first it weirded me out when my eventual friends would ask about me in a genuine way. I almost cried when they didn’t interrupt me and let me finish my thoughts. Flat out sobbed when they were able to follow my line of thought. Those became my “blueprint” on whom i decided to open up to and who would get the “autopilot”/analytical version of me.

I can see how this could be true. However, I have noticed that with some people when I actually make an effort to let them know who am from the beginning they don't want anything to do with it. It's almost like they can't handle that I have needs, wants, and I'm a human too. As soon as notice this now I don't bother with those people anymore. I don't feel like I have to prove myself to anybody or to be seen. The right people will actually make an effort to get to know me and will not make my existence about them.

Do I feel like people are testing me all the time? Yes. It happens more so in the workplace than anywhere or anytime else. Because our INFJ ways are different than theirs, they question out of jealousy, & want to debate about it rather than wanting to learn anything. I normally just answer the specific questions and keep doing my job.

I think this issue can be especially bad for someone who had a traumatic childhood. We don’t want to show enough of ourselves to get on someone’s bad side, ever. Personally this was how I handled every relationship I ever had until very recently, and it was horrible when I realized what I’d done. I kinda woke up one day and realized nobody really actually knew me, and I never actually trusted any of them.

This isn’t the only reason people test us. In some situations, people also test the INFJ because we challenge them. We don’t see it that way. But if we say or do anything that doesn’t conform to mainstream behavior, especially if a “group leader” perceives it’s against them or their organization, they will target us. We don’t usually do this intentionally. It’s just who we are to have our own unique viewpoints. Be careful and tactful in how you express them to others! They won’t say you are their new target directly. If you’re not paying close attention, you won’t know til it’s too late! 🙊

Once you start testing me, you're on the right track to get cussed out, molly wopped, and to see my horns. I try so hard to avoid this but people are very petty and don't deserve my energy.

When they can't control it frustrates them. Add curiosity to frustration then they push. When you make it clear you don't want to interact on their terms they decide the problem is with you. They will tell others you're a bad person. This doesn't work for them in the end. In my case they ended up making peace and the "others "respected me for not being bullied by this person. If a person isn't capable of pleasant social interaction, do not engage with them. We don't "need " others to be complete.

Everywhere I go people test me. Didn't know it was because they were trying to get to know me.

I just wish people would leave me alone! I suffer fools poorly. I'm an extremely patient person, because of the empathetic aspect, but it gets old, fast being others dumping ground. It comes as a great surprise for many when my empathy is exhausted.

Have found that stepping back and simply observing their sad need for drama disconnects me from any desire to respond.

Some people will never like you because your spirit irritates their inner demons.” said Denzel Washington. There are people who are triggered by calm people, and they just need to poke and poke and poke at them to get a reaction. It's not our fault that other people have a need for control, neither are we under any obligation to show all our selves to just anybody and everybody. We have a right to our privacy and mysteriousness. As a person who was bullied all my life, starting by my own family, and then it's followed me to school, work, and even in my neighborhood to the extent I had to move to a new city to escape a gang - I have concluded I am not responsible for other people inadequacies. I shall be me, and whoever gets irritated, that's their problem. If someone gets too close to the extent of harming me in any way, then that's it, I move away from that person. I will not exorcise other peoples demons. I also realize its had for INFJs to live peacefully in extremely extroverted countries like the USA and that most likely fair better in introverted countries where everybody minds their own business and expects others to do the same too.

Oh yeah... People test me all the time until they've seen the INFJ horns... I'm also a Taurus, too. So, they learn pretty quick when they see the devil come out. I try not to let it happen as much, now that I'm aware of it, but sometimes people just don't stop, and you have to assert your boundaries, or they will never stop.

Well said! I am a therapist (INFJ) myself. You nailed it. We are not here to say and be what others wish while ignoring our own vocation and our relations. Also, we don't accept testing and triggers. Otherwise if we don't follow our own strength and if we pretend to be like others (therefore becoming what we are not) we shall give away our own strength and our individuality. People will always test the INFJ and the more we give the more I have noticed, they want. If their reasons are of a non ill intent, the INFJ will give freely and openly. But, if not that is the moment the INFJ decides that they will be their authentic self and not involve any such individuals into their own world in order to benefit anyone who has been adversarial to them or their loved ones. We are not here to shrink in order to prove our individualized nature to the choices of the ones that do not appreciate us. This is our strength for continuing forwards in our own purpose and in our life without fear and without the need for others' approval. That is when this type of personality is not hindered from outside influences and has healthy boundaries which, of course, will also upset people. Yet, this is the way the INFJ can flourish as the unique human being that they are. We cannot be everything the world wants us to be, we can only be ourselves. Unapologetically. Society will have to find their own way in life and not hang on to the INFJ to illuminate their shadows or to bestow the light in which others already have within. The INFJ is here to share, not to take on the suspicion or the lessons of life that is meant for others to learn on their own. Being honest with Self is where it all comes together. For everyone-- including the INFJ's. #infj #thecollective #psyche

One of the reasons people test infjs is because they feel vulnerable when infjs are independent and don't need their approval. INFJa's especially. INFJs will take rejection and continue on the same course as opposed to those who are completely dependent on acceptance. I have noticed when I finally get my head above water and feel secure and hopeful that insecure or controlling people relate to me with much more triggered Behavior. My energy can be very intimidating to fake people and I'm just trying to be myself. An ENFP friend told me that it's because I'm too bleep'n real.

I've learned to be more assertive (I've never truly been the aggressive type) in recent years, but some people don't know how to handle that from me. Getting tested so often can be a bit of a drain.

My whole life. I would go somewhere, sometimes with friends to hang out with other friends of theirs and I would just be sitting back listening to the conversation and inevitably there would be at least one jerk that had to make a smart ass comment to me. I could never understand, especially when I was younger why people seemed to have this problem with me when I was just there chilling out and not messing with anyone myself. Then if I give back what they're dishing out, well of course then I'm the one being a smartass or jerk. And if I did try to join in the conversation someone would misunderstand what I'm saying and I would be wrong or they would think I was saying something negative or insulting.

I turned 33 recently, and i had this plenty of times. Now i have a lot of experience with narcissicts. I am sometimes astonished how fast i can push them back into their corner once they got so far. Often times its not even necessary to lash out anymore, totally unimpressed deminor and giving them generic and unglamouros answers in front of other people is enough by now.

No. I feel that I am testing people. A friend of mine even told me "You test people." I stay silent. Let them come to me. The people that I grow close to are the ones that say, "you are are a woman of hidden talents."

It happens so often that I can actually see when they are testing me most of the time. The times that I don't catch it is when I believe God protects me or those in question, by blinding me to their (puny act) just so I don't go off on the person. Mirroring someone's mistreatment of you or if door slamming in a right manner will always make those testing you think twice about coming at you in the same way as before. They'll have to find a different approach. Most of the time, I will just ignore or stay away from those I know who get off on testing me.

We are also highly intuitive individuals .

I don't slam doors.....I burn bridges 🔥🔥🔥 I now realize they are simply trying to find the doorbell so I will let them in. I am doing better after getting to know an ENFP man....highly recommend that combo.

Personally, this is the one situation I refuse to give INFJs the fault. There is nothing a single question doesn't solve. Ask. Ask me what it is about me you don't understand. If I don't explain myself then go ahead and play all your mind games. From what I understand from the video, most INFJs too do the whole testing thing. So its done back to them, no harm no foul. However personally, I don't take responsibility for being tested by others just because they'd rather save their egos than actually make the effort to understand me. If they can't see beyond their noses to want to understand me, then it's on them what ultimately happens as a result of that. As you said in the video, we are human too. And being human includes perceiving and interacting with the world in a certain way. Our way is to relax and observe without allowing our own opinions interrupt our experience. We shouldn't have to be sorry for that on top every other thing, and owe an explanation. I still need to live you know, and I need to understand the world to do that. If anyone wants to understand, ask. If they can't, then they should be willing to live with the consequences. As long as I did my part to the best of my ability, I'm good. No harm no foul.

Thanks for this reminder, Wenzes. Over the past few months I have had this mantra on my mind so often "MY LIFE IS MINE" It might not seem profound to non-INFJs, but for me it is a powerful reminder to choose personal growth (no matter how uncomfortable) over people pleasing. It's crazy to think that at 37 I have just realized that I was not put on this earth to make others comfortable by dimming my light.

I don't show people who I am but I don't conform to a certain models in life either. I can't. I'm authentic me all the time. I have no idea how people hide who they are to fit into a group but I never could. I tried once for three months and I was miserable. If I had been forced to live like that my entire life I would prefer death. The sad part is I think everyone else does that. If so how is everyone not completely dead inside? I can't turn me off. I can tune down slightly but I can't tune off. This is me a 100% of the time. I'm a lot to take in. If you can great. If you can't avert your gaze.

I had an INFJ accuse me of "lies of omission"... I sat back and found that the most hypocritical thing anybody ever said to me.

Test then they lose n ignore or try to ruin my reputation. My whole life

I had a friend in highschool who once told me that he never understood me, and that i was just like a blank white page to him and the other friends we had in commun I remember being quite surprise and lost after hearing that, cus i personally felt like i showed myself enough for them to "know me" It made me realise that i actually never really told anything about my own self to anyone

I appreciate you and your videos. So tired of the testing crap. I find it rude when people do this. It is gaslighting and at this point more of a reflection of trouble makers. This behavior is counterproductive to becoming a friend of mine.🤔❤🇺🇸

I really have a problem with this in real time... I literally don't understand how to give a comfortable amount of feedback that functionally translates to a reality that isn't my own. The reality is sometimes I don't want some people to know that much about me. I am okay with interacting with the world as a means to successfully function in it since I don't have an option of a different planet,, but that doesn't mean I want to invite the world into my world.

I have always been known as the weird person, many people stay away from you if you are different. But you can always find the other people that are the outcasts just as you are. I have never shown all of my true self though. Not even most of me for that matter. I have always associated myself with the movie monster Godzilla, and maybe all other INFJs can as well. A misunderstood monster that can never be truly destroyed and always keeps coming back. He has never been seen as what he truly is, and no one wants to know the monster, just rejects him and try's to get rid of him. They don't even try to realize his purpose, to show them their errors to teach them to try to change but people fear what they don't understand. They are intimidated by it, and feel belittled by something that reminds them of their failures. That is why I love Godzilla so much, he reminds me of me in many ways. Plus I love seeing the destruction too, it is metaphorically what I can do too. And let me say again Wenzes that, I do love those eyes of yours, they hold much deep down in them. I have always loved seeing people's eyes, it shows me what I need to know about a person. Although, it is most effective in person I must say. I also know what I said isn't fully about the video but I still had to day it. We all know here what it is like, just not to the extreme of being shot at with missiles, Haha. 😉

I have been on journey of giving the middle finger to all the unnecessary people and their never ending dramas period

Testers: Wow, I’m impressed, you passed my test! Me: Goody. You failed mine.

Thanks Wenzes, Recently I have been frustrated with people constantly pushing my buttons for seemingly no reason at all. Leading me to believe whether they are projecting their insecurities on me or if they are a narc trying to put me down. This video really gives me some perspective!

A lot of people know there something about us and it scares them

inTj here... i do believe that people 'test' you because they DONT REALLY KNOW WHAT YOURE ABOUT. practice being ASSERTIVE. letting people know what youre about in a MATTER OF FACT WAY. most people (at least the nice ones who are TRULY WORTHY of respect) ABSOLUTELY DO understand that nearly everyone has the potential to have a different point of view than their own AND, theyre willing to accept such variations in attitude/perception. GIVE RESPECT TO GET RESPECT. - THATS THE way most, at least, halfway decent people operate. if they do understand that an opinion IS an opinion and NOT fact, then they ABSOLUTELY ARE a decent human being. if not - FUCK EM. theyre not worthy of your time and, theyre MOST ESPECIALLY NOT WORTHY of getting yourself all bent out of shape over. ABSOLUTELY. FOR SURE. :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

My daughter made me take a personality test a couple weeks ago. And at the end the test said I was a intj. An yet I can relate to this video. People relentlessly test me every single day. From my co-workers, friends, family, and people in public, and in crowds relentlessly.

I laughed from relief when you told all this. Now I understand better... myself.

I love this message. When I had roommates in my early 20s, I was like that-doing things my friends and co-workers wanted to do and integrating into their lifestyles and interests to learn about them and connect. The past few years on my own I’ve been traveling, running ultramarathons, channel swimming, going on long backpacking trips, and reading hundreds of books and those friends and current co-workers always seem so surprised or like it’s extreme, out-of-character behavior.

A warrior without a weapon in battle is self-defeating, Use your skills to avoid these situations and put yourself in more pleasing ones with a better quality of people. Be upfront always and you will attract what is good and repel what is bad. If you come in as the grey man you will get the grey. Learn to use the force ⚔

A lot of people don't even know themselves on a psychological level. If you know understand this you have a higher understanding ability to control yourself and situation. An Introverted pushed to far and when they react introverts can be accused of having a temper problem or being bipolar. Wich is not the case. There's a calmness amongst the introverted that extroverts don't know. They don't expect introverts to act differently. It comes suddenly unexpected and with intensity is why accused. Like it's ok from them to react with intensity or with emotions intensely but not for introverts.

Been tested all life and almost everytime when meeting new people. Actually learned how to react from a young age. Didn't know how I learned that. Only recently I got really good control when I refined the practice of mirroring. Mirroring is great for these situations, naturally countering bad intents by exposing them. Also great to reveal another's sincerity in trying to understand. So far it rarely goes wrong for me. It's basically the concepts of shadow psychology, that I picked up instantly when researching. I don't know how I learned this, but it was already a part of me when I realised my full potential. Had used this to break people out of mental struggles, and bringing them out of the dark.

Your greatest downfall will be underestimating me .

People who test others and try to push your buttons are just predators.There fucked in the head.They don’t know how to leave people alone because the way that they’ve conceptualized how to social interact with people is completely messed up.How there raised who there raised by and what there influenced by is a huge part of why they behave the way they do.There’s a lot of victim blaming in this video and I disagree with a lot of it.Remember,If your being tested and people are trying to push your buttons there the ones with the problem.💯

You can be sure that once you've shown yourself and made it clear that they shouldn't mess with you, those people will instead start talking behind your back so they must never have to confront you.

I love people not knowing anything, it’s none of their business & I reveal my true being once I feel comfortable.

True for me. I always want to know who you are. The true you. I once pissed of an ESTJ Vice President. He always had a botox face. Didn’t show any emotion. He gave zero clues to the outside world. So I pushed his buttons until he took of his mask. He complained to my boss I ‘ambushed’ him. But I got some insight who he really is. 😎

I recently did this in a work meeting with doing introductions and I knew my personal interest and how I talk was off their script , but I did it anyways. I got silent faces and just smiled and thought “good, we all are on the same page that I don’t relate on a personal level and I’m not here to be your friend”. I have the mindset to be polite and professional. The issues that arise is creepy lonely people learning my interest and pretending to have the same. So transparent, but also annoying to deal with because I showed myself. Im not sure how to deal with this part? Like I would delight in saying their full of shit, but I refrain myself and act too busy for them.

I deal with the narcissist with plain simple logic .

As soon as a woman tests me, she’s done.

No no no no. I do give feed back. And I am still being tested all the time.

You could drop an INFJ off on Mars and we would effortlessly conquer whatever was happening there and then come back to Earth and go about our business like nothing ever happened.

People think we don’t know when they are testing us but see we see beyond and know exactly when we are being tested. Ladies specially men who are interested in you and they start testing you.

I have, probably like everyone else, have dealt, and deal with this a lot more frequently than I care to. I believe, like a lot of things, that it has gotten easier to deal with, the more secure that I have become with myself, and more conscious of how I react, or don't react sometimes, to others. I think it is true that sometimes these situations happen because people just want to get some kind of reaction out of us, which is understandable if we don't really show or make clear who we are. I think maybe because we are processing so much or maybe because we understand so much so quickly, and when we are in that mode a lot, that it may confuse or even frustrate others, for various reasons, possibly even their own insecurities. I know for myself, that I have become more expressive the more secure that I've gotten with myself and understanding myself. Being misunderstood or misread by others is something that we've learned all too well, which of course is frustrating for us, and unfortunately there will always be others who will constantly try to test us.

Sounds like my experiences. I've been tested for the reasons you've mentioned here, and other reasons as well. How I respond usually depends on how I am being" tested. " I expected that people would want to know more about me by asking questions - and that was okay. But complicating it for me was the fact that I'm a combination of friendly but yet shy - and that's confusing for some people to understand. I'm sure I sometimes came across as insecure - and often they'd get verbally hostile about it. In fact, this was one of the reasons I got into reading self-help books 📚 - some more helpful than others, but over time I learned to verbally take care of myself better. It's a process, and I get better at it with time.

you can project anything by showing what you want as soon you catch that your are tested and that lead to be misunderstood with random effects LOL

Yeah, they really aren't going to stop testing you especially if you are dealing with a narcissist.

Hey ENFP guy here.Really don't wanna sound cocky but for some reason almost every INFJ girl i ve met in my life, has actually tried to make an indirect move to make me chase her sexually.I happened to ask one of the infj girls why she was attracted to me and she told me simply because I have beautiful energy and that I don't make her feel awkward and annoyed like most people do. She really hated getting judged even for the simplest thing.

Thank you for this insight. It expresses my own question and exasperation that friends seem to test. Really what it is is a challenge I experience in that I don't want to argue, so each strong statement by them feels like I need to respond in a way that doesn't violate my own values, but doesn't tread on theirs. This feels like being tested. So, I withdraw to be at peace. At the same time, I am aware of my need to integrate more and be myself more to everyone in my world, certainly to those who are closest to me. So, this question you've posed really encapsulates this dilemma and how it shows up.

Your the coolest,smartest INFJ couch ever.and beautiful.thank you

😲 I was searching for this answer for years now!!! I just didn t understand how others are capable of imposing their ideas over others, and I just shut up because I m very observant and I wouldn’t express what I really think of others and their mistakes, because they would run away. I really do think different 🤷🏼‍♀️

Have lost the rage. I just go away.

Don't be responsible for their complexities..unless your being paid as a professional Counsellor.

Wow I’m 47 and so appreciate your channel! Maybe it’s not too late. I never felt on the same wavelength of others so I’ve spent my life trying to understand how reality works, how people work, how I work. Thank you so much!

yes, when I stand up for myself, they try to take advantage

I still don't get why we are tested??

Thank you Wenzes! I am currently being tested right now which is making me anxious. I am getting the courage to really speak for myself from your videos. Thank you!

Wenzes, from one redhead to another you are spot on. Add redhead plus INFJ, double trouble.🤣 Thank you for your amazing videos!🙂❤

People are ALWAYS shocked when I snap back. I'm always the "nice" one, the "dependable" one...ie. the doormat. So, it comes as a shock when I snap, and amazingly enough, people are outraged when it happens. Until I give them every single reason why I'm snapping-- but at that point, I'm not worried about preserving anything-- I'm done, the bridge is blown up, and I'm out.

Consider it all a joy my friend!👍

Such a clear, comprehensive description of the problem and the solution, thank you.

I need advice I’m an infj and I put up with a lot with a smile because I don’t want to rage and go 0-100 but then I go home and yell and rage about the situation and it affects the people I am “venting” they can sense the anger is affecting their energy. When I have nothing but good intentions I’ve been told I’m “explosive” and don’t wanna really be that person

i can't help it, lmao. "If I don't show a part of myself, I'm not vulnerable." ...Everything else is on point, tho. but that one aspect felt like i'm being doused with ice-cold water, in the early hours of dawn. Amazing how true that was as to how i go through my everyday life at work.

You basically Described my childhood and teens. I found that I am definitely INFJ-T and my husband is an INFJ-A.

Gets frustrating sometimes… who needs drama 🎭…. What is purpose

They push our buttons continuously ... they do not know ... they should stop at some point .. yes.. we are capable of so much ... thsnk you so much ..

Being strongly tested this week.

Lol, I think I because they get a real kick when we have our infj outbursts....

I don't mind being alone, I found my husband. I trust him. He's all I need. Everyone else has proven to just be shallow disappointments... I'm exhausted from being let down. I like my little drama free Rock I hide under.

Thankyou for creating this channel! It helps me a lot to be able to hear another like minded person! That goes through much of the same things! So much appreciation for you! 💜

You had me at "I just want people to lose interest in me". Lol 😅

..exactly. Thank you very much. This has much more "Help" then all my therapists. I will not forget one person-therapist who gave me a Link to this channel. God I love all of you❤

Yes but it keeps me on my toes.helps me keep improving myself And it tells me they love me. And then I call them out.and ask them if they can step up there game in testing me.how else am I going to know my level of breaking point.i say I broke myself beyond living conditions.and can be broken by any person.test me please or are you weak.yes I get hurt I might cry.and even tell you.but then I change my story and magic I'm over it and back after it.unbreakable I say I am And you are the gorgeous famous INFJ couch with beautiful eyes.i love the way you think.your a genius.thank you Have a good day and marry Christmas to you and your family

This is literally every relationship in my life and then it all comes out > . < I must be the most unhealthiest INFJ out there. Just subscribed - it was necessary

One of the managers directors which I never spoke to, became jealous on the basis of how I worked. I try to stay out the way, yet they still find issues

Needed this today. Thanks

Thank you!!!! This REALLY helps.

This makes so much sense.

Im so glad that I find your page!!!

Oh man this was bomb! 💣🗯 All of this!