Why Ted Cruz S*cks: A Comprehensive Biography

Why Ted Cruz S*cks: A Comprehensive Biography | BEHIND THE BASTARDS

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Why Ted Cruz S*cks: A Comprehensive Biography | BEHIND THE BASTARDS
This week, Robert is joined by Cody Johnston and Katy Stoll to discuss the Bastards of the 2018 Mid-Term Elections. And to start, let’s talk about a man that people of all backgrounds and beliefs can despise: Ted Cruz.
Original Air Date: October 30, 2018
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There’s a reason the History Channel has produced hundreds of documentaries about Hitler but only a few about Dwight D. Eisenhower. Bad guys (and gals) are eternally fascinating. Behind the Bastards dives in past the Cliffs Notes of the worst humans in history and exposes the bizarre realities of their lives. Listeners will learn about the young adult novels that helped Hitler form his monstrous ideology, the founder of Blackwater’s insane quest to build his own Air Force, the bizarre lives of the sons and daughters of dictators and Saddam Hussein’s side career as a trashy romance novelist.
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Пікірлер: 101

@mikehjt 10 ай бұрын

Al Franken: 'I like Ted Cruz more than anyone else in Congress does and I _hate_ Ted Cruz.'

@fofalooza 10 ай бұрын

Ted Cruz calling condoms "rubbers" has precisely the same energy as my uncle using the phrase "great gazongas" as a reason why my brother should let our Uncle set him up with a recently divorced woman at his church.

@23joanlee 10 ай бұрын

great gazongas! that's hilarious!

@kevinkorenke3569 10 ай бұрын

47:02 I love that he read a Dr. Seuss book about being willing to try new things in opposition to us trying a new idea to provide better health care for people.

@mr.pavone9719 9 ай бұрын

Ted is so blissfully unaware of himself. It makes me want to pump LSD into his water supply just to see him change into a person.

@BenjaminGlatt 10 ай бұрын

Okay, but Fred Rogers was the best person ever, so.

@FakeSchrodingersCat 9 ай бұрын

"The only way to stop a Fred with a dangerous far right ideology is a Fred with a dangerous far left ideology." --Fredrick Engels (probably)

@justinwatson1510 5 ай бұрын

@FakeSchrodingersCat, I'm glad to see someone finally mentioned Engels. Thank you.

@patrickmitchell9068 Жыл бұрын

Ted cruz is the kid who get bullied by comic book and D&D nerds

@SgtKaneGunlock Жыл бұрын

i hated Bullies and I would Bully this kid

@RvEijndhoven 10 ай бұрын

He _was_ the kid who got bullied by comic book and D&D nerds... Now he is the adult who gets bullied by comic book and D&D nerds.

@FakeSchrodingersCat 9 ай бұрын

Be realistic, he is the kid who was bullied by the kids the comic book and D&D nerds bullied. The Mathletes had more high school social standing then he did.

@cybercop0083 2 ай бұрын

Back in the 90‘s, to boot!

@leopoldmolitch4040 Жыл бұрын

I'm halfway through this and just realized they're were talking about Ted Crux, not Tucker Carlson. Seems all these folk are completely interchangeable

@jfrsnjhnsn 10 ай бұрын

Pretty much.

@goodun2974 4 ай бұрын

@@jfrsnjhnsn, not to mention that they are equally detestable.

@brendancostello944 5 ай бұрын

Cody's comment about the "Ted Pod" when talking about the Tide Pod(R) is criminally unacknowledged....

@arcarchivist2638 5 ай бұрын

Frederick Douglass, Fred Rogers, Freddie Mercury.

@FakeSchrodingersCat 9 ай бұрын

Wait, just hold on a moment you are saying that Ted Cruz as a teenager memorized the constitution and could write it out? Why then does he act like he has never even skimmed it?

@origami_dream 9 ай бұрын

He memorized it by mnemonic device and that took up all his time and brain power, so he never had the time or brainspace to actually *consider* or understand it.

@cybercop0083 2 ай бұрын

He memorized it, look for minute chinks in the armour.

@mr.pavone9719 9 ай бұрын

Did anybody else's irony meter ping when they heard the part about the young conservatives, who think education is a privilege for the weathy, competing for handouts (scholarships) to further their education?

@pssurvivor 6 ай бұрын

yep my ears perked up when i heard that. these conservatives are always like this

@justinwatson1510 5 ай бұрын

Hypocrisy is one of the cornerstones of liberalism and the ideologies that descended from it.

@FTZPLTC 3 ай бұрын

Oh, but don't you see: just as nothing that is not profitable is worthwhile, ANYTHING you do that someone is willing to pay you for is worthwhile. That's what being trained from birth to be a constitution-reciting mandroid teaches you.

@matthewnuckles5937 10 ай бұрын

so painful to hear this knowing that he is STILL in office

@TheDarthbinky 10 ай бұрын

He's from Texas and has a little "R" by his name. He'll be in office until he dies or gets bored and moves on to another horrible venture. Yay two party system!

@mr.pavone9719 9 ай бұрын

From what I've heard his senatorial district is almost entirely made up of wealthy, white conservatives. It's nigh-impossible for him to lose his seat unless he really fucks something up.

@richardarriaga6271 8 ай бұрын

@@TheDarthbinkyTexas is a one party state. That crook Dan Patrick beat the corruption charges for impeachment. He won't go away until God or Satan call him home.

@Zmanwarrior 9 ай бұрын

The only thing offensive about those Cleveland insults is that they're nowhere near as entertaining as the insults that native Clevelanders can come up with for Cleveland.

@wwcyfd22 9 ай бұрын

The fourth episode of Star Trek TNG is actually "Code of Honor" a now infamous episode filled with dated, tone deaf african stereotype characters. Episode 5 is the one hes thinking about with the ancient defense system. Its like Ted Cruz is so evil his episode even ruins Star Trek references...

@seantracey9935 6 ай бұрын

When Cody said "Here comes the sex" Best cruz impression of all time.

@joshuareynolds6970 9 ай бұрын

In the words of John Oliver ... "I do not like that man Ted Cruz."

@mrfreddorenton 2 ай бұрын

"I do not like his stupid shoes"

@origami_dream 9 ай бұрын

13:00 Wellp, i guess Fredrick Brennan, founder of 8chan, heard this episode and decided, "Well, i can't argue with that, i'm on it."

@AshesAshes44 Жыл бұрын

Ted Cruz is younger than Gwen Stefani. No idea what to do with this info, but some people are using it against him. 😕

@BenjaminGlatt 10 ай бұрын

I hate this.

@heyidaroo 10 ай бұрын

If I were a betting woman, I believe that Gwen will outlive Cruz

@kevinhengehold4387 6 ай бұрын

So - the "amnesty" radio ad... do you remember the It's Always Sunny episode where an Israeli dude annexes the bar and the gang shouts Arabic-sounding jibberish with english words included? ... Did ted cruz really rip off an Always Sunny bit, but for serious? I really expected more from the zodiac killer.

@danarchist74 11 ай бұрын

Robert have you done an episode or episodes on Milton Friedman yet? If you haven't, you probably should.

@Alex-od7nl 10 ай бұрын

katy stoll is hilarious

@fahbs 10 ай бұрын

My cat has had fleas with more of a spine than Ted Cruz.

@Stephanie-we5ep 3 ай бұрын

Certainly the fleas are more wanted/welcome!

@kevinkorenke3569 10 ай бұрын

The more i learned in college and had reinforced at placed like this the more convinced is that America as an ideal and an idea failed during Reconstruction and it has been an oligarch leaning downward spiral ever since.

@defies4626 6 ай бұрын

It failed from the moment they decided to allow slavery from the beginning, and honestly was probably started to further oligarchic ideals given the actual backers and architects of the country at the beginning, no matter how high minded they claimed their ideals to be

@Aogami20 10 ай бұрын

Every time I listen to one of these I keep hoping things are gonna work out somehow in the end

@bradvine4564 9 ай бұрын

Cruz is awful but I just finished the desantis episode and I have to say desantis is *so much worse* it blows me away.

@ReclaimedDasein Ай бұрын

LOL, I was literally starting fallout 4 when you said that.

@greghmn 10 ай бұрын

48:45 this is even funnier when you consider that McCain was born in Panama.

@portmantologist 17 күн бұрын

But on a US military base, which still counts as being born on US soil.

@done.6191 10 ай бұрын

Damn, that self-reporting at 29:35 is soooooo sad. "Let me supress the things that make me, ME, so that people will think I'm popular."

@Zomonitan 10 ай бұрын

Fred Rogers was the only good Fred in all history

@richardarriaga6271 8 ай бұрын

What about Fred Savage?

@justinwatson1510 5 ай бұрын

The ghost of Engels would like to have a word with you.

@cybercop0083 2 ай бұрын

What about Fred Douglass?

@Shadowman4710 10 күн бұрын

What about Fred Mertz?

@TheMeritCoba Жыл бұрын

Quote of the year: "women can't be trusted with tampons?!" (not with a political rally involving Ted Cruz)

@TimdeVisser86 10 ай бұрын

Fred Hampton, c'mon man.

@grahamcarpenter691 Жыл бұрын

Katy Stoll’s voice sounds nearly identical to Amber Frost from Chapo Trap House

@Taurox220 10 ай бұрын

Reminder that Nixon was actually super popular before watergate and was able to win the popular vote

@FakeSchrodingersCat 9 ай бұрын

Sure but he managed that mainly through dirty tricks and manipulation, he was nicknamed Tricky Dick for a reason. The specific incident they are referring to when they told Cruz to get a dog is when Nixon was being investigated for using campaign contributions for personal purposes he went on TV and claimed the only thing that might be irregular was that he was given and kept for himself was a puppy named Checkers. It came out after he left office he had diverted over $10,000 to a slush fund and had bought the puppy specifically for the bit.

@brendancostello944 5 ай бұрын

With the help of some plumbers...

@Fenan_21 Жыл бұрын

speaking of cleveland, fun fact, theres a suburb in south africa named after cleveland, and cleveland ohio specifically

@mxpants4884 10 ай бұрын

Were they celebrating our excellence in racial segregation?

@done.6191 10 ай бұрын

Whataburgers are actually really good :). Ted Cruz is actually really bad. These are things on which we readily agree.

@johnr7279 10 ай бұрын

Wow, and he's an even bigger egotist than I picked up on just living my daily life and seeing him in the news here and there. I was always amazed at how flexible his spine seemed to be and his ability to flip-flop on issues. In this way, he seems like a politician's politician. And not just him of course. These folks exist on both sides of the "aisle." It's one thing to cooperate for the greater good (aka crossing the aisle); it's another thing altogether to just flip around completely.

@justinwatson1510 5 ай бұрын

When Democrats or Republicans reach across the aisle, you can bet that average people are getting fucked over in the worst way.

@ericwiddison7523 10 ай бұрын

When he endorsed Ted Cruz, Mike Lee was still a never Trumper. Both men have since abandoned any semblance of values they once had.

@noxthemc7717 10 ай бұрын

The Frederalist Society

@FoxMacLeod2501 9 ай бұрын

LMAO Katy, @ 51:37 - also: "(CO)RROBORATUUHHS: moun' up!"

@donkeyfly43 6 ай бұрын

Fred Rogers

@michael_mcgowan 4 ай бұрын

That bit about peaceful transfer of the presidency really hits different now. Oh the irony

@function0077 17 күн бұрын

I f&cking hate Lindsey Graham, but I do love his quote about Ted Cruz.

@BenHyle 3 ай бұрын

Fred Rogers did all the reparations ever for the shitty freds. Also, Fred Penner is real as well.

@azoic6 2 ай бұрын

1:01:00 I LOVE Whataburger, but only when I'm drunk

@hughquigley5337 4 ай бұрын

One of my favorite fun facts about Ted Cruz is that he is a whale for various mobile games. So yes Ted Cruz is a gamer.

@daniellundberg2875 10 ай бұрын

Well, Cleveland has been called the city equivalent of a slap in the face.

@kevinkorenke3569 10 ай бұрын

HEY! I LIVE IN CLEVELAND! Um, you are kind of right. It gets better as you drive away and enjoy the metroparks...

@done.6191 10 ай бұрын

I love how even handed you try to be with the Wagner driving. Even as charitable as one can be, he's still firmly unlikable.

@Tenems941 8 ай бұрын

36:18 about the only proper reaction to that statement

@cybercop0083 Ай бұрын

13:44 There happened a monumental split of the human race in the stone race. A split between the ghastly Freds and the jolly Barneys. We are all descendants of one of those two prongs of the human race. Every once in a while, the Fred-ness is exhuberant to the point that an abomination is named ‚Fred‘ in devilish tribute. As it is written in the protocols of the water buffalo lodge.

@_NewtonMeter 10 ай бұрын

Ted Cruz really giving that autism vibe (I'm autistic)

@origami_dream 9 ай бұрын

No thank you i reject this association he's just a psychopath (i'm autistic)

@kelseyrusch9279 8 ай бұрын

Ugghhh all I can think about is his tonsil stone incident

@pssurvivor 6 ай бұрын

LYING TED. one of the best monikers trump has come up with

@hammerheadshark45 9 ай бұрын

ive heard cuyahoga get mispronounced so many times im shocked robert got it right

@Judgewrath1 7 ай бұрын

Narrator: "They had to talk about Ted Cruz again."

@misterno-ice-guy8082 10 ай бұрын

That "4th branch" of the system of checks and balances y'all alluded to already IS the public. Organizing it was (kind of, or: in more complicated terms) part of Ralph Nader's platform

@FakeSchrodingersCat 9 ай бұрын

What they are alluding to is the Estates of Power. It is much, much older then Ralph Nader with the basic concept of the Estates going back to medieval Europe the first three is the Government, the Church and the Public. The 4th estate specifically only goes back to the late 1700 and was coined by Burke. The 4th Estate is the Press.

@misterno-ice-guy8082 9 ай бұрын

Oh. Ty Never heard of it. I guess I never explained Ralph Nader's proposition, But I should in case someone isn't privy. He wanted a cadre of citizens watching government agents (on tv, and via other press) to ensure they do their jobs correctly; if they promised to vote a certain way, make sure they do it, etc. This agency would consist of a small building with multiple televisions, banks of phones, newspaper subscriptions, and other applicable resources. It would be paid for with taxes and manned 24-7 by a rotating staff of vigilant locals. They would obviously report directly to their friends, families, and respective neighborhoods. A very, VERY simple concept, yet genius imho

@meep_cubed170 Ай бұрын

Also at 52:10 the Spanish Inquisition needed in 1838, we had seven different United States President before that ended, so no, it didn’t end 900 years ago. Not the biggest problematic thing Ted said, but come on

@damejanea.macdonald2371 3 ай бұрын

16:35 I wish this joking invocation of my body my choice didn't eventually turn into something right wingers will attempt to invoke in all seriousness.

@stvinney 19 күн бұрын

I imagine Ted being a very sad kid who no one liked Im sure there were "those kids" who were either too nice or didn't have a lot of options so they tried But given the choice between no friends and having Ted Cruz as a friend, everyone would embrace loneliness. Get a dog or something