Recommended by Two Cents, thank you

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When I was 14, I was one of the only male babysitters in the neighborhood, so I tended to get all the "problem" kids. Who turned out to be the ones I loved most of all. The #1 "problem" was tantrums. I developed a whole library of techniques to cope with them. At the time I didn't understand what was going on or why they worked, but over the years I figured most of them out. First was to totally focus on the child with a caring expression and wait a few moments, not reacting immediately. Which was totally how my stepmom acted with my younger brothers. Some of the kids I babysat would stop the moment they realize they aren't getting the expected response. It also prevents me from reacting badly myself. Especially when the kid has been pushing my buttons: They're good at that! More than once I lost my temper toward a button-pusher, and no child should ever be exposed to the anger of an older person: It wounds us both. During this moment of focus, I try to remember that the behavior is totally valid in the child's world: We are just visitors there, and should respect it! There is no "wrongness" here. An older cousin told me about that one. Second was to check for anything actually being wrong. A minor discomfort can turn any event into a tantrum trigger. Underlying causes absolutely exist! Especially being hungry, thirsty, over-tired, or having a full diaper. Simple things. Which actually may be your fault, meaning the tantrum is **your** lesson! The most difficult in this area was babysitting siblings who had a degree of rivalry: Quite often that kind of tantrum was because I wasn't meeting their needs equally. Gotta pay attention! Another thing from my stepmom. Third, I'd copy the child's behavior. Which is a silly thing for an older person to do, and the absurdity of it would often short-circuit the tantrum. But not always: Sometimes the child would double-down in rage, frustration, wailing, and more. Never take this technique too far! A few seconds, at most. Came up with this on on my own. Fourth, get close. At least in touch, preferably in a hug. Closeness is free and it's good for everyone. Never deny closeness to a child. But always be wary of feet and fists: Kids fight dirty! Closeness can also help prevent breaking the furniture. This worked a charm with my little brothers, so of course I used it on other kids. Put another way, the last thing a child in a tantrum needs is distance or isolation. Never walk away. Never try to shout over the child. Never try to invalidate or denigrate their emotions. Never let a child's tantrum trigger one of your own! I remember one very strong boy who was having an especially violent tantrum. I couldn't get close enough to hug or hold him. So I tossed him on the couch and sat on his butt. In about two seconds his tantrum changed from whatever it had been to "WHY ARE YOU SITTING ON ME!?!" I explained I wanted to be close to him, and didn't want him to hurt himself or the house, and this was the only way I could think of. It soon became a game between us, where I'd randomly throw him on the couch and sit on him, saying I felt he had a tantrum coming on, and he'd fake a tantrum saying he wasn't having a tantrum. I think you can see why I loved the "problem" kids: Normal kids are boring compared to this! Fifth, just give in. But in a way that requires negotiation, to engage the reasoning mind without denying the emotions. So, for example, if the tantrum is over a cookie, I'd give a nibble. Then wait. When the tantrum starts again, another nibble. One young girl once said to me: "Bob, I'm tired of shouting. Can I just have the rest of the cookie, please?" Another form of "giving in, with negotiation" is substitution. That is, not yielding on the "cause" of the tantrum, but engaging the child in a search for an acceptable substitute. A "Yes, but..." can go a long way, though be sure the child is truly satisfied in the end: Using "bait & switch" tactics is cruel, a form of coercion and manipulation rather than constructive redirection. Again, the goal of the negotiation isn't to extinguish the emotions, but to engage the child's thinking and planning abilities. This makes whatever is "wrong" valid in its essence, worthy of serious consideration! I got this one from watching my kindergarten and first grade teachers do it. At the time, I remember thinking it was some kind of magic. Only after the tantrum has passed can it be talked about. Never during. It is unreasonable to try to reason with a child having a tantrum! Be sure the child does most of the talking, you asking questions rather than making observations, or worse, corrections. The goal isn't really to "understand" the tantrum or its cause, but for the child to build introspection skills through practice. The results don't matter. The process matters. Finally, never punish a tantrum. Once it has passed, let it go, forget about it, and get on with life. This video makes that clear: There is **absolutely** no reason to punish a child whose brain is going through a normal path of development! This is what a 14 year-old babysitter was able to do. One would think parents would do at least as well. Then again, I didn't have to live with those "brats" every day: For parents, I think that can create a lack of perspective which makes the first step above even more important. Looking back, I see how fortunate I was to have learned so much from my awesome stepmom, and to have had two much younger brothers and some older cousins. Perhaps it does take a village, or a large extended family, to raise a child.

Physics girl brought me here! My girl and I are about to have a baby girl in November!

So around 4 is the age when toddlers commonly evolve from sudden-combustion little humans to master blackmailers little humans, gotcha :)

And my parents scold me just cause my brain is under construction??

This channel seems sooo promising. *2 cents* brought me here and i have already shared it to my relative who has a 2 year old son. Anyways, i'm definetely looking forward to future videos from this channel. Also, i was very surprised to see only 540 views for a PBS video 😅. I guess time will tell how great this channel will become. Anyways good luck.

Physics girl recommended your channel, really looking forward what you create next!!

After 'physics girl' recommendation! Waiting for next.....👍👌

Recommended by physics girl and not disappointed! Subscribed!

Here thanks to It’s Okay to Be Smart :) Mine is turning 4 in December... I’m really looking forward now x)

Keep these videos coming so I can skip all the books I hat- ~wife looks at me~ LOVE to continue reading! For real though, great first video, loved the humor blended in! Excited to learn more!

Recommended by *Physics Girl* ØkÃy

I love this! As an early childhood educator, this format of quick videos chock full of fun, accessible and relevant information will be a great resource to share with parents! Looking forward to more!

PBS quality is astonishing! Keep making good content in this channel too. Cheers

Thank you for sharing! My 2 year old is going through this 🥲

I ended up here from Origin of Everything and I AM HERE for it.

Recommended by physics girl. Thanks Diana.

Excellent, so many parents need to see this. Tantrums are so hard to manage and accept

It's cute and funny when a toddler in mid tantrum, especially when its it's not my kid.

I do not remember my son ever having one single tantrum. However his son takes tantrums to a Rock n Roll mega volume out of this world eruption! My daughter was the tantrum queen. And at thirty five she is quite skilled at persuasion

Eons recommendation! Thank you

I'm not even a parent, but I love developmental psychology. And also Two Cents.....love them!

Here before 5k subscribers

Recommended by both Physics Girl and Two Cents. I found the content to be interesting and useful, but way it was delivered seemed like it was unsure of its audience - part of it seemed like it was aimed at children (the apple scene, and even painting the mushroom when you just ended up showing graphics for it anyways) despite the rest of the video being aimed at adults. I do understand that those scenes can help keep people’s attention, but there is a nice balance to be found between simple and condescending. As someone with a toddler, I’m interested to see where this series goes, but could use some tweaks to the approach.

I love everything from PBS Digital Studios 💖

Thanks for sharing! My 5yo throws crazy tantrums even though she should have gotten over it by 3-4 you are saying... should I be worried ? :/

Really good explanation of why it happens. Just wish it would have a good example for parents to deal with in a caring loving way without giving in every time. We do deal with a lot of tantrums these days from our 1 year 10 months old. She is in a state that usually when she is mostly tired, confused with a routine change or meeting new people, making her to easily meltdown. We respect the meltdown but do not change our response. We hug, kiss, try all to comfort her. We often move to a new interest of her (new activity, toy, etc) instead of doing what she is asking that cause the meltdown. We do give her a lot of freedom and responsibilities accordingly to her age but she had to learn limits and boundaries as the little person she is. Usually those boundaries tend to cause most of the meltdowns. I would have liked to see more on this side of the topic as some parents don't know what to do during these tense moments.

Storied brought me here!

A good video but I'd be interested to see strategies to help kids through this time. Also some mention of neurodivergent children. As a an adult with adhd, I'm still learning to exercise emotional regulation because my emotional dysregulation wasn't acknowledged and assisted. Parents to neurodivergent kids can help them develop these skills that come naturally to other kids over time.

Great content! So does this mean trying to teach appropriate reactions or ways to ask for help is futile? And what about kids who don't develop those self regulation skills as quickly or at all due to autism or trauma? Obviously consult your pediatrician. But maybe a good follow up video topic. Keep up the great science and work!

Love PBS!

Necesita subtítulos en español 😿 en Android no traduce los subtítulos

A well done video! I love learning the science behind my child’s behaviour. My oldest is 4 and has become noticeably more relaxed and reasonable about life in general. It’s SO lovely to see and a huge relief!

Hmmm so if your kid is not 4 yet, just SOL? Any way to help the situation?

Damn the girl trynna eat the bunny traumatized mee.

Two cents send me, let's go!

PFC is OP

Physics girl brought me here!

Even a 2-3 year old can learn that tantrums are not acceptable behavior. I have 6 children and taught all of them early on not to throw tantrums when they don't get their way. They may be less likely to throw tantrums after 4, but if you never teach them to regulate their behavior they won't. Evidenced by all the 10-12 year olds I see throwing tantrums in public to get what they want.

Here from storied!

Wait, so the solution is....wait for them to get their PFC developed? I gotta wait until they’re four?! Any other solutions? Should I just give them the cookie and wait until 4 to reason with them or is that going to have negative consequences later?

okay but how do I deal with this?

SOOOO GLAD to be an OLD MAID!!! NO KIDS...(I've left that CRAP to my sister.) IT'S JUST ME AND MY CATS, and I LOVE IT!!!

Two words: Super Nanny That show was the shh🤐 she did not play

The first few seconds of this video are excellent birth control!

Ok this video is about why. Please let us know what to do?

How about teaching this to adults?

I would rather want to know why adults throw tantrums.

Here from PBS eons

Cool info, but why does a show for parents have banter seemingly targeted at children?

Never seen my kids or a kid in Denmark do that. I have seen that in the US or societies that mimic that disfuntional country

Here because of Deep Look

*bookmarks for the future* (2cents recommended)

I'm here thanks to diana.

I would like to contend the statement that tantrums are when brain signals spiral out of control. I’m not writing much here, but that is a weak model and way unfair in characterizing what emotions are.

Sent by 2 cents. How about telling us parents on how to better handle the solution?

*Seeker* brought me here I am also a "sherson" (singular of "sheeple")

Early gang

That dude is a good host but I'm not a fan of his tag along

At some point you need to instill discipline.

Seeker

"We think this is whats happening" so you have no idea... and theres no soulutions.. only feel good commiseration... lame!

This show consider children as dumb creatures.. dont like it

I remember having fits. I've been outraged before in my modern age and shouted like Alex Jones and smashed my typewriter but it only happens in reasonable circumstances.