"The world without love is a deadly place." Good one!

This lecture it is warning to all of us, go to the gym, go dancing dont take anti-depressants if you are chronically sad.

Well, this brings me to question; Do you love your Mother or Father? If yes, what would one or both rejecting you, do to your brain. I've met a lot of people in my life who've had a parent reject, or be unable to love them, it messes them up for life on a fundamental level. I feel it worth mentioning this is happening at a higher rate of speed then in previous generations, especially as the number of single mothers and fathers increase. If some random stranger you barely know has that much of an impact on your brain, what kind of damage have we been doing to our kids for years?

I wanna hear Helen Fisher and Ester Perel together. That would be a very informative talk.

"overestimating the differences between one woman and another" priceless

Men and women whoever you are, find out your strengths and weaknesses, follow your strengths and work around your weaknesses. Don't let the media, your neighbour, your peeps or your family decide what is good for you. Decide it yourself and you will have a happy, successful, life. Know that there is hard work in front of you, and just sitting and thinking that you will be happy will not make you happy at the end of the day.

I absolutely loved this talk, separated 3 years from a long controlling marriage. I feel stronger & more in touch with myself I'm 42 & feel like I'm living! I have been in love with two men, I believe nobody can can be everything for one person, one was a mirror image of me personality, the other the complete opposite & both filled a hole in different ways. People have so much to learn from each other & it's more the care you feel for someone, also the impact they have on you. In a monogamous relationship, there are rules and insecurity we miss out on many relationships (not sexual) for fear of hurting the other & how it may come across. I'm happy not committing & experiencing many types of love 💕

Well - as a man, I found a lot of common ground in what was being said here. Having been connected to someone (and married) for over 17 years before being widowed, there is a great deal of truth in what Helen spoke about. Not sure I agree totally with everything, but in essence plenty to get your head around and teeth into. Thanks for getting me thinking. We all need to stretch ourselves - where's the fun in just blindly walking through life without a challenge?

We are not to "fall in love"..we are "to love".

This talk made me stop taking antidepressants after being on them for 10 years. I don't feel worse at all...

Helen Fisher is spot on at 20:35 about 'Why it is that you fall in love with one person rather than another'. I fell very deeply in love with a prof the first time I saw her as a student. - I was new in town, it was the first day at university and everything was very exciting to me (high dopamin level) - I didn't knew her before (mystery)(high dopamin level) - She matched traits of my childhood (similar looks) - I was sitting randomly very near to her, we had direct eye contact (proximity)

This video is from 2007 (uploaded)...wow 12 years ago?! I'm amazed how far TED has come... I appreciate all the speakers' time & sharing their stories 💛💜💜

She's one of my favourite speakers and academics - very thoughtful presentation. Highly recommend.

Very interesting talk. Knowing that people have three drives (which can be driven toward 1 person or even 3) explains many relationships of couples I personally know.

The fact that this video id 16 yrs old.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm a mom who is trying to get back on the market. I feel so much energy and passion inside for creativity and working around people, making a difference. It's time to get this energy out! ❤️ ✊

A very interesting presentation and I appreciate the comparison of trending gender relationships to those on the african plains. My favorite quote ~the 18 minute mark "the happiness we find is the happiness we make" Wise words.

what a very interesting and thought provoking video. Love is what should make the world go around, not war, religion or money. If we made more love and less war we would all be a lot happier. Thank you helen.

Wow, she's brilliant. One of the best talks I've heard on Ted's

Dr. Fisher, thanks for bringing us closer to understanding the painful and exhilarating condition of love even though we are helpless to really do anything about its often cruel hold on us.

I really hate the TED intro. Increasingly loud, long, and annoying.

Speaking as a social science student, it is quite an interesting talk by Helen, as she proposed (more than) several intriguing facts about the science of love and relationships. Nonetheless, morals and wider sociological issues surrounding the notion of "love" that influence how we perceive love should also be taken into account, beyond those facts and figures and hormones.

I don't understand why there's so much hate in the comments section here... there was nothing that she said against men or women or anything bad or claimed something illogical as a fact... she just shared her research and it was very interesting and knowledgeable.

men are one foot are women are the other to move ahead. that's the perfect way to put it, instead of trying to "compete" against the other gender and initiate useless bickering, work together and understand the different strengths each gender possesses. Like she said, men and women are wired differently and it's the collaboration of new ideas from the many styles of thinking that moves humanity forward. Great talks Helen.

Wake up people...Love is not an emotion...love is purely an action...a choice...a behavior...in other words..a verb!

Was already halfway when I realized the title is misleading!

2019 anyone?

Interesting topic.Many good points. I was troubled, however, by a few statements . It is not a given that libido will suffer for one who is taking SSRI medication. It does happen, but not to everyone. When it does there are ways to offset the effect for many people. The recommendation for ongoing use of SSRI medication is for those who've had 3 or more major depressions (clinical depression) in their lifetimes. It is also not true that people on SSRI's are dulled or don't feel joy and excitement (dopamine rush). When SSRI's leave a person emotionally dull, it usually means that either it's the wrong drug or the wrong dosage. SSRI's are not helpful for everyone. When they are, people often say they feel 'normal' or 'like myself" sometimes for the first time in years. Please don't disparage medication that you're not fullly knowledgeable about it.

Why we love and cheat. because love is an addiction, a high like a drug. When that fades we chase a new love thrill. Simple.

Really interesting. Feminism has contributed so much to the world, but especially in psychotherapy over the last few decades in regards to helping overcome the prejudicial language and structure of traditional therapy, the limitations of the DSMV diagnoses and elegibility criteria which pathologized responses that were different to those of the dominant white, male, hetero group they were normed on, and now Helen fisher's reflections on gender differences in love and sexual expression reminding us of the need to maintain that progress of taking a pluralistic approach to therapy, one of being being senstive to how gender and other aspects of our multicultural identities influence us to each experience things differently as opposed to the 'one-size-fits-all' approach that was used in traditional models prior to the influence of feminist therapy.

“Forbid us something, and that thing we desire” Chaucer said that over 600 years ago. He also said, "Love is blind".

She said romantic love makes you hold someone higher than everyone else... and then she said you can feel romantic love for two people at once equally? Could someone explain this to me?

She doesn't say women are superior; she says women are better at certain things.

I don't see her discrediting the use of antidepressants for those who need them to make it through ""something they're going through, perfectly horrible; they want to kill somebody, commit suicide"" (18:47). What she says is she is worried about the effects of taking them long-term and become dependent on them.

I realized alone a lot of her points but in my chase love was never equal, women were interested in me but never that much in love. I was motivated, able to do whatever was necessary, ready to sacrifice my well being for someone that i deemed to be more important, she knew that and took advantage. Now I'm 26 and wander why do I deserve this, i guess i have my type and it's the kind of woman who is killing my soul.

I don't get why so many people say the talk has nothing to do with the title. She clearly explains where "love" comes from (the 3 brain systems, the evolutive process and reasons involving these systems are pretty much the reasons why we love) and why people are sometimes prone to cheat on their partners (if a person triggers the hormones associated with, say, two of your systems but not the other one, another person may). Of course, this is from the perspective of evolution/chemicals in your body. Social implications and moral codes are different, and she didn't approach them. I think the only reason why I would find the title misleading is because it's not specific enough.

@13:45 - I've been saying this for years! Thank you! When someone suggests that men are more adulterous than women, I ask them if they think men are having their affairs with other men. Probably not very often, meaning women are just as willing to engage in affairs as men. At the very least, if they are not married, they are certainly not honoring the social construct of the marriage by having an affair with a married partner.

I'm really stunned by the anti-feminist, almost misogynistic attitudes that were expressed in this comment thread. Patriarchy is apparently very much alive. This lecture is full of fascinating insights regarding interpersonal relationships.

She is incredibly smart, nice

As was said multuple times by Esther Perel. When consequences for cheating are the same for women as they are for men, we will know more about women cheating.

I am literally one of those guys who are sleeping with their girlfriend's moms. I honestly don't know how it got to this, but I honestly fear that I can't stop.

Brilliant. You may not agree with all her points, but she is a bright and compelling thinker and speaker.

Came here to read comments 😁

Very unfocused talk. Maybe it was spontaneous, but I was expecting more in line with the title. Regardless, there's some great information here. -Austen

I take that to heart: A world without love is a deadly place. Hell!!!! Helen couldn't've said it better

Ecstasy ("love drug") doesn't induce romantic feelings or romantic love. It instead tends to evoke feelings more akin to cosmic or spiritual love. For the record, it's not a sex drug. In fact, it typically reduces sexual urges, contrary to what mass media likes to portray. I say this based upon both personal experience as well as the experiences that I've solicited from others. You could say that ecstasy evokes more of a desireless kind of love.

Being a very a very romantic person myself who has experienced a bad marriage, I have seen glimpses and had reasonable exposure to sexual connection, romantic love and long term attachment which, I dare say, given the world we live in, follow each other in that order

Great insight! So scary how antidepressants are being misused and how it is affecting our ability to bond!

"Divorce rates are going to decrease" This aged well

It's a combination of both. Love compensates for incompatibility as she said.

Understanding history is crucial to understand what is going on today

The only reason I'm here is for a school assignment and all I have to say is I can't believe I actually had to waste time I can never get back in life listening to this.

She makes her point at 17:20 - there can be different agendas in various relationships now.

We're really moving forward into the past 🗝️

It is amazing that Helen Fisher has taken to follow the theories of Imablicus and Cornelious Agrippa because it was them which establish such of theory but she Helen Fisher has prooven that the philosophers from the paripateric school were right at least about the location of the brain that is activated when love is being manifested; and that is in the center top middle brain or the pineal gland area. I know because I have read about the antiques philosophers.

So really, when it comes to love, most people, if not all, are obsessive compulsive.

I was so hooked on her talking about romantic love and enjoyed that part, then the men and women separation part I was dissconnected

This is a wonderful talk!! I was expecting some kinda "bashing" of character or gender; like an automatic thought would tell me "why that person cheated" but this was amazing! My three systems are active in current relationship.

We need more women like you

"Why him why her ?" was rather enlighting. Not groundbreaking, but innovative in what it combined. So thats the person who wrote it.

The title does not correctly represent this video there is nothing on why we lo e or cheat

14 years ago!

i agree completely. oppression is wired in our natures, we can make small changes but they will come back in some form. that sounds depressing but only in understanding weaknesses can we make room for real change.

This woman knows as much about men as I do about childbirth

This woman just described half my life's story

Begins slow, but fascinating discussion!

Thank You Helen!

My love is red pilled.

"the world without love is a deadly place" - so beautiful...

Compatability of personality type is an interesting and thought provoking area of study. One theoretical system of personality, the Myers Briggs Personality Inventory, is food for thought. Not validated though which is one problem with that theory of personality.Nonetheless, in trying to understand WHY my own personal relationship of 38yrs with my partner has been so emotionally, intellectually, physically, etc. satisfying for both of us and successful , I have determined he and I are the same type in that system. We share so many general personality tendencies like introversion, a love of study, books, learning, we are both highly intuitive etc etc Baseline is that we "get" each other :how the other person thinks, feels, perceives, etc. We also share core values and have some, but not total ,overlap of areas of interest, which makes for a nice play of interests and things we can and have taught each other over a very long relationship---He has a BS in psychology and his other degrees are in subjects I know little about...my research and reading is mostly in my own field as well as history and literature, while he is interested in a much wider range of topics, thus we complement each other well. Emotionally too. We both use analytical thinking, rather than emotion, to make decisions. Yet we ARE emotional about each other. Good luck with your current work..I look forward to reading and hearing about it...a Ph.D- academic psychologist

Good to hear about it

Anti depressants are horrible 😫😫 what she says is very true

Anything against Our creator is Not good..it might feel good for a season, but it needs to be holiness and many of us do not deal with our sin issues

The reason why the statistics shows that more marriages succeed, could be due to fewer people getting married. Because those that does that doesnt feel right, do not go further, a part from earlier, etc.

i loved the talk totally, it explained a lot of phenomena.

I am in love with myself. No-one will ever take precedence over me. Happy Valentine's Day, Mac. Why thank you, Mac! *Kisses self*

I killed those circuits in my brain. Never been happier.

A world without love is a deadly place 👏🏽❤️

We are really moving forward to the past.

Really really interesting!! TY!! Danny

This didnt talk about why we cheat much..

A world without love is a deadly place..

A world without love is a deadly place indeed 🕯️💟🕯️💟🕯️💟🕯️💟

The divorce rate is "decreasing" because Men are less likely to marry, which means Men are less likely to marry more than once. This makes it appear as though the divorce rate is decreasing.

Great video. I would like to add that, IMHO, opposites might attract but, the attraction doesn't last very long. On the other hand, like minded couples who share their likes and dislikes, are the ones in which their lives together will have a lasting affect.

The world without love is a deadly place.

Thank you. Very informative. Recently have started considering if the word " love " was no longer used. What could be used as a replacement in our vocabulary. "Care"...To care for another.

did _all_ of her predictions come out wrong?

weed and listening is anti depressant .....thats how came over suicidal thoughts..

The older you get the less perspective you have to find another life partner, therefore older people don’t take such foolish financial risk to divorce. That doesn’t mean they are happy in their marriage though. Settling down with someone and being genuinely happy with someone are two different things.

a world without love is a deadly place

16:02 five years later and she's totally wrong

"Why We Love, Why We Cheat" - um, that's not what this video is really about. Way too much ranting about women being empowered, etc. which may be fine if the title were not what it is. But, whatever.

Facinating, inciteful and well worth half an hour to listen to and ponder over.

This is not hating or anything; I actually slept off watching this. And I'm not exaggerating or lying. I kept waiting for the moment she'd eventually discuss the title of the video.

Take a look at divorce law in the USA and reevaluate the concept of a "pure" or "symmetrical" marriage.

Wow... she actually thought that marriages were going to get better....

Marriage will never be between equal women want a man who make more money than them and men want someone who makes less. Men want a wife who is attractive and women are more okay with being less attractive than their husbands.

@cheeseaura i know you removed your comment, but: i disagree. her argument, in fact the only reason she mentioned either of these things, was to illustrate her point: women are *RE* entering the workforce & that the more women contribute economically the more equal the society tends to be. i dont think that any of this has anything to do with nurtrition. and why is it that you seem to believe that only men can be hunters? dont think women can bring home the bacon??

So you say quote: we are moving forward to the past. Women used to bring home food also. So now they work also so we are more equal. Then why do women still expect to have a more financially successful man , and a woman expects men to pay for them.?? My friend told me like 30 years ago women want money and I told him he was to negative on women 30 years later I think he was correct.