Yes, my spouse lies everyday and so i close up my ears when he lies.

I still don't understand whether they are actually consicence of what they do 😪😪😪 they are not stupid but so evil 😪😪😪😪

It IS scary Kim

It is. It is psychosis, you're right

Wow! What a situation!

Correct. People are not people to a narcissist, they are things that give supply until they don't, at which time they are discarded or destroyed, and another thing is chosen to take its place.

Exactly right.

@@mariamunozpiz6070 Yuck! Having to deal with someone who plays games......but then again, in divorce......even normal people play games. Good luck!

Good, I hope he moves on so far I never see his face again. 17 wasted years....yeah

That's how it is with them. They see in us a reflection of themselves abd they can't stand it.

Projection

My words "a walking/talking double standard"

@@SuperKarineka I used to believe theirs was an alternate reality, but I've come to find narcs know exactly what they're doing. They intentionally say and do things that are illogical and nonsensical to keep their "adversaries" off balance. They twist themselves into pretzels to keep from being backed into a corner. And if they cannot avoid being held accountable, they blow up, scream, yell, and curse to throw the conversation off the actual issue. You end up arguing about something totally off subject. They are adept at capitalizing on the chaos.

Me too and he would criticize my mom for doing all the things he was accusing her of doing.

I find myself getting caught up in falling for the facade and future faking way too many times then I'd like to admit. I'm getting better at it. Usually occurs mostly when shes off work on weekends. All future faking and physical ailments...you can count on it. I just try to get her out of the house on weekends...keep her occupied

Exactly, dont trust anyone till they earn trust

Amen to that! We have to use what God gave us to protect us from unnecessary pain.

@Paul Koenderman It’s a place where people can be superior over others and have power over others

Meia, that is exactly how I felt and what I experienced! What a hard learning experience!

Mela..your story sounds exactly like mine. Even him saying how I overthink everything (or over analyse everything). I've been out 16 months now after 5 years of misery and confusion. Knowing I'm not crazy helps a lot and although I'm sorry you've been through this pain it does help knowing I'm not the only one who didn't listen to my gut instinct. Sending hugs.

@@Jessica-zf2df ❤ thank you so much. It hasn't been long since I've cut him off. I could write a book from all the confusion & sadness I've experienced w/ him 😔🤦🏽‍♀️.

Yes to both thoughts. Dr. C

Better description!

My soon to be ex actually admitted he was trying to beat me down to his level. My therapist said with those words he was trying to destroy me. The stronger I became, the worse his passive aggressive behavior became and when whatever he was trying to accomplish, the vindictiveness was revealed and something I had never experienced with him. When I fought even harder while trying to figure out what in the world was going on, the vindictiveness grew worse with different types of vindictiveness and then I saw the mask slip even more when observing for the first time, half open eyes that looked like he wasn't even there - wasn't present in the moment - and when he looked at me, I saw something I didn't recognize. I saw someone I had never met before. He had the eyes of despondent disdain as well as not seeing me. The person I had been interacting with for 41 years wasn't there. It was terrifying. There are no feelings I could feel. There was nothing I could process or connect with. He was dead inside and all I could sense was someone who had lost all of his essence and was replaced with minimal tolerance for any person and could care less about anyone. I knew he had entered the dangerous side. What sent me into full blown terror was when I had a complete emotional meltdown and realized he would rather protect his lies, even knowing his lies were the direct cause of my suffering. He finally admitted to me a few months later after I made him leave the home that it was more important to protect his lies than to end my suffering. That's when I knew he was very dangerous to me and would be from now on. I have a divorce hearing on July 10, 2024. Once the joint accounts are closed, I will breathe easier.

@Surviving Narcissism replied FAKE ACCOUNT has been reported

Wow you met my sibling & Cousins

Really good analysis

That's the damn truth!

Or use one as a scapegoat....

Like the hunter who would rather have a tiger skin rug on the floor as a trophy than a rabbit pelt. "The bigger they are the harder they fall, and I -- the narcissist -- love bringing down that big game."

I found out the hard way.

I know that feeling!! It's like walking across quicksand

@@bereal6590 I agree 👍

I agree with you. I have been hurt by people and I don't want to hurt anyone on purpose. It's all about intentions. To hurt someone else on purpose is evil.

Me too! I believe if everyone who has ever been hurt went around hurting others, especially with the same tenacity, the world would be in even greater chaos than it is now. A closer to truth statement should be :vindictive people, will hurt people."

This phrase is for the narcissist not the empath. Pain creates one or the other.

Right? I was physically abused as a child and I never beat my kids. We can learn what not to do, but we have to be open to seeing their faults.

They hurt people because they have a grudge against the world. This does not relate to ANYTHING that has happened to them. They can be the most loving brought up privileged people and they still have a grudge. I have seen it at first hand. Many times. This has all not been researched adequately. There is definitely a component from the genes. These people are born that way I believe.

Thank-you.

Who determines your spiritual maturity? And the mere fact she said this suggests she hasn't reached any kind of maturity, let alone spiritual!

The church trolls doctrine goes like that.

Anne, laugh like there's no tomorrow. That one beats the cake!! She's a good narcissist.. real good at being one!! God bless you. So, I learned this prayer (AND IT WORKS TRUST NE IT WORKS) - every day or night, pray this prayer for 2 weeks - "God, please grant ____ (narcissist s name here) everything they DESERVE in life, whatever you seem that to be, Lord. Amen". Oh, does it work. I've used it on 3 people in 20 years and I learned to sit back quietly and watch. But I never used it on my narc partner. It's time. I sit here tonight by the window looking at the night sky. God is near. Time to talk

@@davidhinkson8856 it's a ch a way of making a person put up with them via spiritual guilt. It's epic. Might be the text of the year.

@@barbibutton9619 That's a variation of casting a witch's curse on someone. It doesn't work, but it lets you pretend you have power in the relationship when you don't. Instead of spending all your time passively aggressively wishing harm on someone, why not just end the relationship?

Right!? It is crazy, if they made a little effort to understand how they deal with others life for them and you would be so much better, but the just can’t.

They just pretended to be someone else to lure you in, that's what they do. And ALL they do is jump from person to person temporarily luring them in with their facade, instead of looking inwards and wondering "what am •I• missing if I have to pretend to be someone else who attracts people and how to heal that".. You needed that someone else they tried to emulate, you did not need them.

It's just a facade that hides their darkened soul.

Sooo many in the new age community are narcissists!

Absolutely yes. Narcissists use their association with anything perceived as inherently good to gaslight people into thinking the narcissist is good. It is among other things an attempt to get unearned recognition for the false self behind a shield of not being questioned about it.

Yup, I worked at a "peaceful school" with the most bullying administration possible. They did yoga and said Namaste....all the trappings and posturing.....but I have never been treated worse in my life. It was a group of overgrown high school mean girls environment and I clearly wasn't included in the clique....thank goodness!

Altruistic narcissism is no joke🙈

You're welcome! Dr. C

I have lived this way for a long time. It is so hard to understand that a person who can be so great and yet have sporadic anger and projection of their problems on to me. I need to be on Team healthy!

All the best with your journey! What a positive attitude, even in the face of adversity. I am facing a new challenge myself as my eyes are now open. Working on myself to gain strength. Dr. C has been a really big help!💕

I hear you and I can tell you I know what you mean and yes hobbling along is a part of it.but once you work through the shock and disbelief and grief you will find yourself running free. Lots of love and light to you

@@leanneb9111 btw gaslighting is often the best label. And by the wayy it is a bona fide Crime to lie to someone or behave in ways that make them doubt reality. Crime! Some narcos are afraid of authority.

That is SO common. Dr. C

@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you for this Dr. C. Knowing that makes me feel better and calmer. I guess I didn’t know that. There’s always more to learn, isn’t there? It’s hard watching someone do something that I could never in good conscience do. I knew about smearing but didn’t think in the context of rewriting history. I just wasn’t prepared. I guess everyone is entitled to believe the lies of the narcissist of that is the type of person they wish to be. I find it very sad.

Team Healthy! Dr. C

Me, too!

Me as well …. Thank you so very much for your continued education 😌

Me too, Carrie!!

Me too,i show my children this videos while resolving some hidden conflicts from people who disguise as friends.

Very true.

Yes. They have to be the most superior to, the fairest of the land, the winner of all wars.

The narcissists in my life have always found my pain, trauma, and embarrassment to be the highest form of humor.

@Great God your number

Thumbs up, means I agree with you

I don’t think that is always true. My Narc admits he doesn’t know why he feels that way. He had a privileged background.

@@maidmarion2976 Agreed, nothing is " always true." There are variables. I'm not surprised that a narcissist would say they don't understand their doings, it's one of the red flags of narcissism, little to no self awareness. Therapy helps.

I will never understand 😞

Yes, I've asked to. Complete silence or he starts listing reason s why it's my fault - ha! God is stronger than him.

@@barbibutton9619 yep! I’ve been there too! Crazy making techniques.

Same here Shari

Likewise Shari!

My husband and his family are such good actors, extremely good. They would convince you of anything. They were grandiose and managed all the trappings, including the upper class voices. It was all sham. It is only your gut feelings that save you, but it’s bewildering and strange when years later the truth comes out. They did everything in a subtle way and behind your back and have always got an answer to everything, it’s just not the true one. It messes with your head so much

@@maidmarion2976 exactly

Gee.....that sounds like my family of origin.glad you are free welcome to team healthy

Stay with us on Team Healthy, Giulia, and I'm glad you have your two dogs to keep you grounded! Dr. C

Ha. 🌸🌺🌷

You're welcome. Dr. C

Right!!

Don’t let him have that power over you any longer!

@@beckyharrt I definitely don’t. It’s been a hellish journey.😊

Ugh my narc ex would do the same thing to me! He would encourage my anxiety and fan the flames. I was a nervous wreck with him

@@CS-dw4kw You said it perfectly.

Yes that's exactly it they do not take the time to care what your going threw nor what have you been threw and keep making you the cause instead of looking at them selves and what they are doing that you s wrong two wrings don't make a right and I feel bad for them but theater on t worth it its better fie you to do this ngs for yourself and who Cates what they say and also they are empty heartless people that want to look to you as an empathy to take care of there problems when you have your own careless heartless only care about themselves and what you can do for them they don't care there are emotion less do on t wadye your time believe I've tried with them don't jusybdontbyou regret it

Narcissists also call authentic people "fake" because to a narcissist, everyone else is just like them, competing to have the best false image to everyone else. Or, narcissists know they are two-faced, the fake good in public and the abusive in private, so they accuse good people of being fake (classic projection) to make it seem like the narcissist is the good one in comparison.

@@danielkaiser8971 thank you. Now I know why they call others fake. Their goal is to put down anything / everything in a healthy person that they want highlighted in their own selves. I may be quoting Dr. C here 😊 not sure.

Thanks, Deborah! Dr. C

Are you being abused? If you are scared, I hope you will listen to your instincts and do what is in your self interest. There are a lot of jobs out there right now.

Me too, Delores, me too. But God is close and this will be the 3rd time I left him in almost 18 years (actually,I think this month IS 18 yrs) and God always provides and I always come out SOOO much happier. But...I'm still scared - this time around I have health issues that are making it difficult

You're most welcome! Thanks for the good vibes! Dr. C

You're most welcome. Dr. C

#TeamHealthy. Dr. C

@Great God fu

Get earplugs. If you hold them in your ears with your fingers you can’t hear the worst of the attacks. Tell yourself self soothing mantra during this time. Keep physically moving around the house/property away from his voice.

You're most welcome. Dr. C