Set THESE Boundaries To AVOID BETRAYAL & Manipulation (STOP PEOPLE PLEASING For Good)

Set THESE Boundaries To AVOID BETRAYAL & Manipulation (STOP PEOPLE PLEASING For Good) | Najwa Zebian

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Жыл бұрын

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On Today's Episode:
When you’ve been hurt by someone you trusted, it feels impossible that you’ll ever let go of the pain and shame around what happened and be able to stand in your power again. The truth is that though you feel like a victim, and you feel taken advantage of, or like you’re completely broken, it is possible to move past this situation and open yourself to love and safety without fear.
Najwa Zebian has joined us on Women of Impact multiple times and each time she’s been able to put words to the pain that has blindsided many women and offer a new perspective through which we can move out of survival mode and truly start healing.
She’s the bestselling author of Welcome Home, Mind Platter, Sparks of Phoenix and so much more. As a woman she’s experienced the difficulties of life, going against culture, and being open and vulnerable with the wrong people.
In this episode, Najwa and Lisa are bringing you a fresh look at setting boundaries. It’s not about keeping people out or giving other people a set of rules to follow, it’s about your personal value and how you see your self-worth. Being a people pleasing woman may have landed you in painful situations, but you can make peace with that version of you and ask yourself the one question that will bring you to tears, healing, and freedom.
QUOTES:
“The number one most important thing about boundaries is not to focus them on others.”
“When you don’t set a boundary and you end up giving too much of yourself you feel resentful towards others and towards yourself.”
“The compromise should never be your authenticity, your true self, or you honoring who you are as a person.”
“Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for someone is to stop giving them your kindness.”
“I’m no longer waiting for someone to come and save me. I’m no longer waiting for someone to come and speak to me the way I know I deserve to be spoken to, [...] now I see that I’m the one responsible for giving myself those things.”
“Make sure that the people you idolize and take advice from that you also give yourself permission to question whether you believe what they’re telling you.”
“The first question you ask yourself is, ‘who are you really?’”
“It’s the people that want to judge. These are the people that can get in the way of our growth…” Lisa Bilyeu
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Пікірлер: 502

@alexishill3342 Жыл бұрын

No one ever kills anyone with kindness but themselves. Especially when its not reciprocated.

@TejubescDM Жыл бұрын

Something I've realized is we naturally know how to keep boundaries since born. Toddlers aren't ashamed to scream when they need food or are uncomfortable. Later in life we are conditioned boundaries are bad and we need to be "good little girl" so we get bullied by those who are still emotionally screaming toddlers. I have a problem with asserting my identity in group and it's a source of social anxiety, since I feel I don't have the right to express myself. Boundaries aren't about learning something new, but removing the toxic shaming conditioning we received and nurturing our real self.

@raspberrykissable Жыл бұрын

I used to feel the same way. After very deep work I value and fully love myself above all else. It’s hard to go so deep but it is necessary for us to grow and undo the damage that was done. You’re worth working on and valuing.

@TejubescDM Жыл бұрын

@@raspberrykissable so glad for you, I try to reach that point of radically accepting myself and not compromising to anything that doesn't serve me.

@raspberrykissable Жыл бұрын

@@TejubescDM that’s really good. Sounds like you know what’s good and what isn’t for you and that’s half the battle. We are work in progress and we will continue to learn till the day we leave Earth so have fun with it!

@whosyourdaddy4579 Жыл бұрын

😂😂😂

@truthfully9849 Жыл бұрын

This is such a wise post thank you!😁

@tiffanyt718 Жыл бұрын

"Am I feeling guilty for doing wrong or am I feeling guilty because of my conditioning?" SO GOOD!!!

@bistravoda3687 Жыл бұрын

I literally started crying when Lisa asked a question about limiting your kindness.. This is exactly what I am going through right now.

@bobomaina Жыл бұрын

I can relate 😭😭

@harleyanne3720 Жыл бұрын

Yes me too. They mistake it for weakness. Not!!!

@marisaviljoen8103 Жыл бұрын

I wanted to write something very similar to your comment as I am also straight in the middle of a situation like this and this video is a treasure and it saved me as I will start limiting my kindness to protect myself going forward

@sarahcook908 Жыл бұрын

I am going through this too ❤️

@cyndigooch1162 Жыл бұрын

@@harleyanne3720 They sure do mistake kindness for weakness, whereas I view it as caring for fellow humans! ❤

@iu.5146 Жыл бұрын

What a remarkable woman. She is so young and figured out narcissistic abuse and the importance of boundaries . Your journey makes so much sense. When you want healthy and long lasting relationships, coming from abusive homes, you need to understand your childhood programming first. Good for you for not getting married until now. You would have most likely attracted a narcissist. Divorcing them and co parenting with them is an absolute nightmare. What you have accomplished at 32, I’m learning at 53. You are now so well equipped and radiate at a vibration that repels narcissistic people. The best is yet to come for you! You created your own, positive future because you had the guts to be authentic, hold your ground, explore yourself and learn to love yourself. It’s a wonderful journey and so worth it.

@madelinebigio7565 Жыл бұрын

Well said these narcissist people

@saraheck7898 Жыл бұрын

She's wise way beyond her years. I only wish that I also would've examined myself decades ago...especially the conditioning she speaks of. This has to be one of the best talks ever on shame, guilt, and conditioning.

@aperfectplace Жыл бұрын

Sorry to say she’s isn’t married at 32 years old and she hasn’t got children either…..

@nadeenkhoury8049 Жыл бұрын

😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮h😮😮h😮😢hhx

@sejdailkbahar3801 Жыл бұрын

@@aperfectplaceo not today.. and she is so young and the partner she atracs now… wil be an much better fit to her than the one she had attract in the past… And you can better be an Healthy, happy authenthic person when you have to rease children and hopefully in an healty an happy relation❣️ So, she got it all.. at least she is happy with herself and life.. the rest can only add more….and eaven if not happening.. doesnt eaven madder that much‼️she is living the live she loves❣️❣️👌🏻👍🏻👍🏻

@emoizluv Жыл бұрын

Anddd you shouldn’t feel guilty for honoring your feelings, they should feel guilty for taking advantage of you!

@leilagomulka5690 Жыл бұрын

Emotional abuse is far more detrimental than any hitting. And so hard for others to detect.

@SuperBari2009 Жыл бұрын

“Doing something that makes those around me uncomfortable means I’m doing something wrong?” Truth well said. No, there is nothing wrong with us. We are not doing anything wrong when we reclaim our lives.

@kathiedorion8731 Жыл бұрын

I was raised with "Relationships take work". Yes, they do. However, it's not all on the woman to keep a relationship going, strong. I was told this by My Mother, Aunt, women of that time who were as a matter of fact in abusive marriages. They in turn taught us daughters what to expect and how much to give to our boyfriends later husbands. It has taken me till I was in my 60's to breakaway from that mindset, take my Power not only back but to take it altogether and stop people pleasing at my own expense to create boundaries and not feel guilty. I truly hope that in 2023 this mindset is being thrown away; however, I still see fractions of it today.

@daniellewhite168 Жыл бұрын

I wish men spent as much time on personal growth and healing and being healthy as women do. Men just don't give a shit. If women act like them people get pretty upset.

@kathiedorion8731 Жыл бұрын

@@daniellewhite168 exactly. It's not a woman's job to heal broken men.

@soniarcher Жыл бұрын

same my dear! keep it up.... Im still trying

@annabanzon313 Жыл бұрын

Fingersnaps

@fabstouchcosmetics3191 Жыл бұрын

A big hack

@walidmariam9333 Жыл бұрын

Powerful, be yourself, dont sacrifice yourself for Noone. Keep your boundries.

@alihecker7487 Жыл бұрын

I'm not even 15 minutes into this video and it's LITERALLY changing my LIFE!!!! "Am I feeling guilty because I'm doing something wrong... or because of my conditioning?"

@TejubescDM Жыл бұрын

"Not focus boundaries on others" so right!!! I've realized the mistake I was doing on my self-healing journey is I subconsciously wanted to check up if others validate the healthy, confident version of me or not. That's back to square one, worrying about others approval led me to social anxiety so I can't heal by doing the same again.

@auroraxxfacekilla49 Жыл бұрын

I totally feel you on this. Especially today. 💜

@sharond4763 Жыл бұрын

All I have is wow, this was awesome. I have been on my inner journey for almost a year, had to leave a 'mean friendship group' and start loving on my inner child. My boundaries and core beliefs have upset family members and left me feeling isolated, at times. Today is my birthday and I even bought my own birthday cards, so I would feel 'loved, honoured, cherished.' It's actually been a wonderful day of peace and joy. This has been the icing on my cake 😁. So many gems and indicators that I really am on the right path of self discovery. Love you both, you are awesome! 😍❤❤

@catgrrrl5666 Жыл бұрын

Happy birthday 🎂🥳. I really get what you are saying, similar experiences... Never forget to believe in you xxx

@sharond4763 Жыл бұрын

@@catgrrrl5666 Thank you 😘 Keep doing you ❤

@freedom123-j8j Жыл бұрын

Happy belated Birthday Queen💖

@sharond4763 Жыл бұрын

@@freedom123-j8j Thanks sis 😘 Bless up!

@tameekadenise Жыл бұрын

Happy Birthday to u all month!!!

@dianesalisbury2 Жыл бұрын

I've been reading a lot about "boundaries lately because I just left a relationship where he claimed I was constantly crossing his boundaries and being disrespectful to him. I always felt like I was walking on eggshells and that everything I did displeased him. He was always annoyed with me. I finally broke down and left under the stress. I made a list of his "boundries", 48 items into the list I just bawled. The list included items like. Close my car door properly, and use the soap properly. Dont talk to the neighbors, don't leave the garage door open, I was only aloud to call between 2pm and 6pm, I wasn't aloud to go out the front door, I wasn't allowed to whistle, if I went down stair I had to tell him where I was going, I wasn't allow to be sarcastic. The list keeps going on like that for 48 items. It grew so slowly I guess I emotionally lost track of what I was agreeing to. I was just trying to be loving, understanding, and keep the peace. Till my insdies just started to die, and I finally started saying no and standing up for me and my boundries and how i wanted to be respected. This was control, not respect and boundaries. I understand needing boundaries with people. But their is a fine line between "I need you to respect my boundaries, and you're doing something that's annoying me, so if you don't change, you're crossing my boundries." It's a balance, isn't it. A healthy balance if mutual respect and healthy boundries of time, body, love and space... not do this, dont do that or else your a bad disrespectful person.

@TejubescDM Жыл бұрын

That is abuse! Glad you left. Never come back under any circumstances and no matter how nice he'll act.

@zuzanavalovska4704 Жыл бұрын

So happy you left. Well done! Sending hugs

@dianesalisbury2 Жыл бұрын

It's so weird to look back at how it got so out of control. Becuase he kept saying "your crossing my boundaries" I kept asking myself. "Am I being disrespectful of his boundaries?" I would think ok, this is not something I would consider a boundry but if he needs this from me and this is a boundry for him, ok, I'll respect what he's asking me for?" The list grew so slowly over time and then after 2 years it just got weird and so precise. Don't use the washcloth the wrong way, don't talk about work, don't ask me if I had a nice day, don't talk in the morning till I say it's ok.... I had one of those "oh crap! How did I get here moments? " but still questioned if I was the bad guy and if I was the unreasonable one. It's made me really question "boundaries" and what mine are and what's healthy and just control. In the end, I feel sorry for him and his need to be compulsively, obsessively in control of everything around him all the time. He has no inner peace. But that's not mine to fix and I'm glad I left.

@TejubescDM Жыл бұрын

@@dianesalisbury2 he played mind games, a reverse psychology on you. He was violating your boundaries but accused you of doing it. Purely evil.

@sunnyadams5842 Жыл бұрын

@@dianesalisbury2 Yes - there are a number of possible diagnosis and reasons why he does this excessive control trip. And none of them are healthy. They are all toxic. You've done the Absolutely RIGHT and only healthy thing, as hard as it is to accept. With a person like him you will never ever get his approval. You said it - he has no inner peace, but that is not yours to fix. Good Work!!!!

@NJ752 Жыл бұрын

Love the part where she explains the game of push and pull and letting it go and breadcrumbing to pull you back and how letting it go saves you from all the trouble

@yolandagrabowski6043 Жыл бұрын

A teacher said, a friend is someone who takes role as a mom. Thanks mom. You said what my mom said about if someone really cares how you feel, they wouldn't cross your boundaries.

@sophiareed8266 Жыл бұрын

I heard a psychologist say that shame is an exile emotion. It prevents your from being exiled from your group. If you insist on leaving the group anyway, you will need to have support in place on the outside. I also think that if someone is causing guilt or shame in you, they want you to abandon yourself and let them in. Shame is like a mind parasite that wants a new host.

@christinepadua593 Жыл бұрын

I cannot find the words to express how impactful your story is to me because I went through the same thing with a group of female friends who were always jealous of me for one reason or another. I was being abused and not realizing it. As an only child, sustaining these friendships were also about survival. In the end, I cut them out, as I had to honor myself, my self-respect, my dignity, and my emotional, spiritual, and intellectual landscapes. Lisa, thank you so much for doing this show. I would love to share my story on Women of Impact. You and your husband have changed so many lives for the better. I love you guys!!!

@flamefox8989 Жыл бұрын

Wonderful tactic! Let them go their own way, your missing out on nothing.

@raspberrykissable Жыл бұрын

She looks so much like a cousin of mine I can’t stop looking at her! She’s very beautiful. I’ve had a similar journey to her. Boundaries are a must and once you start taking care of yourself they naturally arise.

@zeedo666 Жыл бұрын

15:17 - brilliant!! Your conditioning says the comfort of others is more important than your own.

@catgrrrl5666 Жыл бұрын

On point. Conditioning and trauma relationships, speaks for all my adult relationships and why I put up with so much bull with friends aswell. Early trauma can really screw you up. It's not always you 😒

@lavidamia9 10 ай бұрын

Hearing you speak is like you reading my life right now. You have literally expressed the exact feelings (shame, guilt, and lonliness). When, I started showing my true self, and moving away from what people had conditioned me to be, they pointed at me as the wrong individual. I started to notice realtime how all my relationship fell apart/ended, and realized that they never really cared about me. I chose me, I chose myself, I chose my life, I chose my health (physical and mental) and I chose to not hate you but wish you all the best on your own journey. ❤

@z1z2z3z Жыл бұрын

Najwa speaks (and writes) so beautifully. Her is soft spoken but her words hit like a hammer. Truth is powerful

@lifeyunique 9 ай бұрын

All Empaths need to hear and follow this!!!!!

@macoeur1122 Жыл бұрын

That is "genius level" advice to "hold the feeling" instead of breaking your own boundary to avoid feeling it...and asking yourself where that feeling is coming from before deciding how to respond. We sooooo need methods like this to simplify the process of "re-training" our own auto-pilot responses. The simpler the method (assuming it's addressing the true problem) the faster we can make it our "default" response. Somehow, I eventually figured this method out, and once I put it into practice, it immediately brought me a feeling of relief and freedom from one of the major "traps" I found myself in.

@prismonthethehorizon5793 Жыл бұрын

13:50 Taking time out from toxic family relationships is essential for your own growth and evaluation of your relationships. You give yourself enough space to see yourself more clearly without the murkiness of learnt behaviour. 16:00 "You're not mine to carry", god yes this speaks deeply into my spirit, the absolute Truth of people pleasers and fawning! 23:05, 30:00, 32:00 'You have to put a limit on your kindness' 34:00 Bang on sister! 🙌🙌🙌 43:00 Trauma bonding. 45:30** How it works. 48:00, 50:55, 1:09:00, 1:20:00 Good for you, my bf spent years slagging me down, I wore some shorts in the garden ( the front garden is quite private) and he kept having a go at me about wearing these shorts because they were lace ( cotton not underwear, nor short) it wasn't like I was walking around the street on them, he also hid 23 pieces of my best clothing under the loft boards, he spent years eroding my confidence...so I really appreciate that about the entitlement thinking. He's kind of brainwashed me into making myself invisible rather than looking my best...I am also trying to reclaim myself. 1:27:00💪1:30:00🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌

@gracetoglory5020 11 ай бұрын

That's terrible, he is toxic. I hope you are doing well ⚘💯

@mtc-j9i Жыл бұрын

Just a random comment: Instead of “find your truth,” I prefer to say, “find your values.” I think when people say “your truth,” what they really mean is “your values.” I don’t like to get into the habit of treating the concept of truth as though it were subjective. But values are definitely subjective!

@sunnyadams5842 Жыл бұрын

Very good point!! Recently there have been a number of raw examples of where prioritizing one's Subjective Reality gets us.

@annastone5624 Жыл бұрын

Yes!! I hate the ‘my truth’ phrase. It’s nonsense.

@polkadolt Жыл бұрын

Agree with you WHOLEHEARTEDLY over this! Glad it’s not just me!

@isabelgyimahasante6196 Жыл бұрын

I agree !!!

@raewynurwin4256 10 ай бұрын

That's pedantic, a personal truth is just that, subjective.Not everyone would understand such, but we can share common meaning of values.

@NegativeMass85 Жыл бұрын

Wow this lady said some really profound things! I totally related to her story about the friend circle where she was expected to buy gifts for everyone else but they never reciprocated, which happened to me too in the past. Another thing she said that really hit home was that we sometimes deny the red flags because if we recognise them in the moment, it means we will have to act on them and potentially challenge someone -- which is an uncomfortable situation if you're conditioned to be a pleaser. And then you would have to second-guess all the previous times in your life that you should have seen flags. It is good to see women recognizing and changing these negative patterns at such a young age, as it bodes well for their future. It's harder to do at my age (55).

@lori6156 Жыл бұрын

Lisa you ask the best questions! Impactful interview!!! Definitely this episode is a keeper!!

@gonegirl9114 Жыл бұрын

I’ve become cold, distant, selfish. This coincides with learning boundaries and putting myself first. Those who say these things about me use to benefit from my lack of boundaries 🤷🏽‍♀️

@samxsara Жыл бұрын

Is it a good thing? Cos im also a bit like that.

@gracepoint3 Жыл бұрын

I am 67, very ‘accomplished’ so to speak, and still learning these lessons - families of origin are most challenging. I just disowned the rest of my family, b/c I hoped against hope the final remnant, including my lil sis, was ‘different-better’, but if they don’t want to remove those original “roles”, they will continue to want to pull you back into a role THEY need you to occupy. THEY will not re-cog-nize this Phoenix, when she Rises from these ashes!

@nilepearl1997 Жыл бұрын

Again, Najwa nailed it ! Couple of aha moments around guilt & shame ... Thanks a lot, Lisa !

@52MAREVA Жыл бұрын

Wow! This is really aligning with me and I’m recognizing how I was manipulated and controlled by a family member! It feels Excellent to hear how she dealt with guilt and shame in such a gentle and respectful manner! I’m absolutely “Moved” by her kind approach and am going to adopt her method of setting boundaries to respect myself vs pleasing others before me!❤🌈🌺

@bookwormchats Жыл бұрын

I believe the question of "when are you gonna get married and have kids?" THIS MUST STOP BEING ASKED OF WOMEN!!!! FREE WILL EXISTS FOR A REASON. People want this but they want us left to handle it alone. WOMEN THIS SHOULD BE "ONLY YOUR" CHOICE NOT THE WORLDS! MY LIFE MY WAY!!!!!! Women make the decision for yourself. Honestly, I've never been in relationship and that' was my choice no one told me to remain single. I want to make sure I love, accept and trust myself before lending my heart out and I want to make sure I know my boundaries solidly before any of this comes for me. I will put myself first.

@sunnyadams5842 Жыл бұрын

I LOVE the protecting the diamond idea. Crystal Clear when put that way! Also, people who are not well ( mentally ill or culturally indoctrinated without insight) believe they are right. And they may be - for themselves! But what is My independent identity? That is healthier, I think. People don't like it, often. That doesn't make it wrong. Lovely conversation, Lisa💜💜

@ExploreYourPossibilities Жыл бұрын

What a wonderful episode ❤ I really enjoyed. One thing that really stick to me is that we, particularly women need to stop shaming each other. Wear what you love, live the life you love and receive support from the ladies. We are way more powerful & need to stop putting ourselves into these limited boxes. It’s really about awareness. 🙏✨

@Sunny-kl8wy Жыл бұрын

This is one of my favorite all time talks. I’ve listened to it twice already. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story and lessons you’ve learned ❤

@tammy6452 Жыл бұрын

There were not many people who knew what was going on in my life a year ago or two years ago. I was surrounded ironically by people who did not care about me as a person, and I had cut ties with people who did care a lot more than them. What was there when I reached my bottom was a last-ditch effort before I gave up. My then husband was asleep next to me, and I reached out to a stranger on social media. That is desperate. I did not dare at the time to call my sister and say I screwed up again. I have spent the last year finding myself and the self hate I buried myself under. This week, I finalize it on one level. It is hard work, but no one is coming before me anymore. Those who have always loved me never even thought of asking me to make the compromise between taking care of myself and them at my expense even when they ask for help.

@joybarton3460 Жыл бұрын

Been going through this for so long and so glad i came across this! Always been a people pleaser and it came to the point just recently i got physically sick and drained after meeting up with a friend who will not take no for an answer. I love when you say it is not about them it is about you and am i feeling guilty of doing something wrong or conditioning. I am 55 and this has opened my mind to to know its ok to say no. Thank you both ❤

@lf3554 Жыл бұрын

Download this book on Google pdf version and be conscious and delligent about no longer being a people pleaser book title Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself by Dr Aziz Gazipura

@Abigail43732 Жыл бұрын

I COMPLETELY AGREE. My cousins would always get love, affection, recognition, and gifts from my family. I was the only one they apparently thought did not deserve any of that. When I graduated from a high-ranking University in Illinois (1st generation), it was like a dog graduated. Nothing. Crickets. Then they wonder why I've severed all ties. They are not worth the reminder. Share good news and events with people that become genuinely happy for your success.

@GreenBirds82 Жыл бұрын

Why do they do that though? I got married and same thing. Zero. Nothing.

@lizmcvey1294 Жыл бұрын

I’ve been keeping these boundaries for years …it was a very close and caring friend that saw me over explaining myself and being apologetic to someone who was being unreasonable…She said.. Don’t ever let me see you do that again….. .. the best advise ever..I reserve the best version of myself for those that deserve it and no is an easy word for me when my gut tells me.. The genuine people will be offered an alternative if I can’t attend or help with something… It’s important to know this can be a walk of solitude if people don’t like it.. but it’s empowering to know you did the right thing for the right reason.. Best to stay true to yourself and I do believe you will in the longer term retain the trust of genuine people…. Forget the rest!!

@sheldonas7611 Жыл бұрын

I've never looked at guilt from your perspective. I thought that guilt was something else that other people did and have but not me.....but now I can see with my conditioning that guilt is coloring my behaviors. My boundaries hold reason and meaning for me, and not for the sake of changing others.

@emoizluv Жыл бұрын

Wowowowowow. And the messed up part with Middle Eastern culture is that we are told our parents wants are more important than our own and when we release them internally/energetically, that’s breaking the ultimate trauma bond 😮😊

@BonBonHassan 7 ай бұрын

Same thing in Nigerian culture smh

@MESSIMAHJJL1233 Жыл бұрын

WHY LISA ARE YOU DOINGTHIS, I HAVE EXAM PERIOD AND NOW I'M WATCHING THIS I CANT JUST IGNORE NOT WATCHING THISSS???? I LOVE NAJWA

@johannajuutilainen4779 Жыл бұрын

Love that make-up look and the black dress, cool 90s vibe.

@cege8693 Жыл бұрын

My first time hearing of Najwa. Wow. I’m almost 30 years older than her but she has so much wisdom. Thank you for this talk. I ordered her book. Can’t wait to read. 🙏🏻

@lulusworld2703 14 сағат бұрын

I think this segment made me realize that the greatest rot we have in society is the price we pay for self disconnection in order to be accepted into the "tribe"of being human. A truly courageous person is able to step back and be careful what they choose to believe in as part of reality and society, but this can only happen with a deepened, strong sense of self. I have committed to doing this because I have realized I have been heavily programmed and most of it is not of my choosing. But even with boundary setting we are told that sometimes we can be too rigid with this. This seems to be more directed towards women. Lisa and Najwa, thank you!

@milenakisel2855 Жыл бұрын

I m happy keeping my boundaries. Finally no one messes with me!!❤❤❤

@Nina_Kowsari Жыл бұрын

Trauma bond explanation - the only way is to let go of your end of the rope🔥 I used to think it can only happen in relationship. Now I see it is possible in friendships and different dynamics as well.

@rachelroberts7393 Жыл бұрын

You have no idea how much this video helped me. Nothing will be the same anymore and I'm so grateful. My people pleasing is definitely stemmed from my family, I'm constantly feeling like a bad daughter/family member and I'm constantly letting them down because I'm not down with the family dynamic/cultural norms like everyone else is. Shame is such a rabbit hole that leaks into every aspect of my life. Mental health is so important and that is always going to be my first priority from now on. Thank you so much seriously

@kobra4422 Жыл бұрын

This conversation inspired me like nothing else. Especially the part about living life authenticly. It's the answer I was looking for.

@carenlzarate8603 Жыл бұрын

That's how is it alot of times. When we go Thru bad things, none cares, yet if is the rich the popular then everyone going crazy to please them

@patscorci9205 Жыл бұрын

This was great, thank you! I recently realized I was conditioned, and never set boundaries, then became sad resentful and lonely. Now i started setting boundaries, but have come to realize my family needs boundaries too, I found this out when I realized they are not a part of my support system. This hirt me more than leaving my 27 yr marriage, but I am getting better, accepting people who are a healthy support system, and learning to have discernment with that. Yay boundaries! I musta been rite because my family got uncomfortable amd defensive when I stated my business. I actually am worth it, even tho I knew that, I never acted on it before. Thank you for all your good sharing!!!

@michellet_thatsme Жыл бұрын

If only having this knowledge was enough, but the hard part is being disaplined enough to live in accordance.

@lf3554 Жыл бұрын

Use your pain to channel the change

@KlaudiaAF Жыл бұрын

Omg that’s my story. Same happened to me with my college “friends”…. I never got anything and suddenly they stopped inviting me to events…

@fatimahakinwande7208 8 ай бұрын

I just want to say thank you to Lisa for hosting great people to educate and make me become a better person each passing day.

@ashleyjeffers8185 Жыл бұрын

Love that she shows her vulnerability while also being empowering. Inspiring

@barbarahall5514 Жыл бұрын

From my “mother” The messaging I got was be married get married you’re nothing if you’re not married…my “dad’s messaging was, “don’t get married don’t get pregnant a hard Dick has no conscience, be self-reliant learn to trust yourself & never be a co-dependent and learn to be happy alone….listening to this reminds me why I’m so glad I listened to my Dad….😂

@saloshniejagathesan1577 Жыл бұрын

Profound message for those of us who struggle to put boundaries in place. I am learning that we cannot ask people to treat us right, we have to treat ourselves right . I read some somewhere that we 'Can't expect cherries from a peach tree'.... Makes sense. People show you what they are made of by their behavior...positive and negative!

@dianecole1982 10 ай бұрын

This is so good. You have to recognize those one sided relationships. I so get this. ❤ when you let go if these toxic people you attract better people 😊

@starzintheskyz4477 Жыл бұрын

This is a great episode. I've felt for years exactly how she describes boundries and reasons why I'm the way I am. And ppl throughout my life wonder why I don't go out of my way for them anymore and set boundries for myself. The problem is that most of the human race is only concerned about themselves and what they need and think. Then there's ppl like us tho that I would consider 10% of humanity that doesn't think like that. We're called empaths.

@leeanne1457 10 ай бұрын

Yes, I have lost so many people since I started loving myself more. 1:28:28 is really good advice for me 🥰

@chaosctrl333 Жыл бұрын

This popped up at the perfect time. Just set boundaries with someone and they made me feel bad because of it. Thank you for the video!

@connie10000 11 ай бұрын

Najwa, Love your Wisdom to😊 Keep Moving Forward with breaking my "conditioned soul". Forgiving those that taught me the wrong traits and later, treated me poorly. Ppl- pleasing flushed down the toilet😊 FREEDOM & HEALTHIER ME❤

@emoizluv Жыл бұрын

You goddesses have saved my life in every single book and interview you’ve worked on. I cannot thank you ladies enough❤

@auroraxxfacekilla49 Жыл бұрын

I really needed to hear some of this stuff today. Thank you. This podcast has taught me so much through out the few years I've been listening and I really appreciate what you're doing here. Again thank you ❤️

@bookwormchats Жыл бұрын

Men should be respectful towards women no treating us like shit. Lisa I'm sorry to hear that about your grandmother she didn't deserve it. Men should realise that they can't use physical strength as a weapon. Women deserve EQUAL REPSECT AND EQUAL RIGHT! If any woman faces abuse she should have right to voice her thoughts.

@Ssookawai Жыл бұрын

You can't spend your life trying to moralise grown up people and "tell them what to do", if you see such disrespect, give a warning (maybe that person didn't handle himself well), if that action is repeated, leave. This doesn't apply to physical violence, it always starts with "mishandling" (like forcing your arm, with a menacing look) before that first slap then that first punch, kick,etc... leave IMMEDIATELY.

@abimbolaakanji6446 9 ай бұрын

This is sooo fascinating.. I’m in a journey of self realization.. and this video here is all I want to see, thank you!

@chantellucky4565 9 ай бұрын

❤ Najwa Zebian is a very strong, beautiful old soul full of wisdom beyond her earthy years! I am an older woman and learning so much from her! She is a blessing to many of us who is now on a journey to discovery of the self, self-love and self acceptance!!! 🎉

@xoxo-zl9qk Жыл бұрын

I love this episode, this woman is so wise.. it’s insane. I already know that I‘ll come back to this video often. thank you Lisa! ❤

@maritessburgos1910 Жыл бұрын

10:00 I get that, find people that help you feel completed, not depleted.

@Amazingme17 Жыл бұрын

I loved when she said " I will walk you out"

@irynavo 9 ай бұрын

I just love watching your show Lisa and Najwa is an amazing guest with lots of wisdom. And I like that she brought up about how women are treated in Iran. Thank you for all these talks. ❤ Best wishes from Ukraine 🇺🇦

@tdtd6728 Жыл бұрын

The reason they are treating you as if you not there because your vibe is not in there frequency of consciousness it’s life telling you there is more in you than they can receive ❤❤❤ shine in company of these if not drained

@MonicaGunderson Жыл бұрын

Strangely, covid pandemic in 2020 and being immunocompromised (high-risk due to autoimmune disease, Ankylosing Spondylitis, immunocompromised, other health issues, C-PTSD, anxiety and depression), helped me create healthy boundaries, distance from in-laws family and even some "friends" (now x-friends) who were not and are not mentally or even physically healthy to be around, as they have been lax about covid. Grateful I was able to create and stand firm with my healthy boundaries. Grateful for my husband and grown son being supportive of my boundaries, and showing compassion. Grateful for my doctors and specialists. Grateful for receiving correct medical treatment for Ankylosing Spondylitis, even though I am immunocompromised. Grateful to be alive. ❤️💯 My Life, My Mental Health, My Physical Health are Important, and are Above All Else! I'm my Own Best Friend 🤗💗

@KG-ri9xh 11 ай бұрын

I was happy that the people who were fear mongered into believing in Covid distanced themselves from me. The medical field is a multibillion $ business and the NIH and CDC have manipulated these doctors. I feel sorry for you.

@Sam-pl3yd 8 ай бұрын

Doing boundaries for your self yes 👏 I just trust myself these days 🙏❤️❤️❤️

@doesanamereallymatter654 Жыл бұрын

Great discussion and helpful. Thank you for sharing. Great to see her finding her self worth and boundaries at her age. I am finally figuring this out at a much older age. I have felt guilty about not knowing what I was accepting for so long. I am letting go of my guilt and shame of what I accepted.

@elesaknowles5664 Жыл бұрын

Never felt more called out and validated at the same time ❤

@ILyogibibs 9 ай бұрын

Thank you for this. This is precisely what I needed to hear. It's not only validating, but this conversation helps me feel like amongst like-minded individuals. After spending 25 years in a narcissistic, abusive marriage, setting boundaries representing my true self has been the most challenging thing I've had to do. To the point... I recently left a 2-year relationship because they crossed a non-negotiable boundary. My standards are high, but I refuse to enter another relationship where I relinquish who I am for a man's comfort, non-sense ideas about relationships, and what's okay to do or not according to others. I know who I am and what I want from a relationship and any man who wants to be with me. I refuse to tolerate anything less. But having said that, it's challenging to exist in a world that reinforces dated ideas regarding what's socially acceptable for me to do at this point. So, thank you for helping women understand that they can and should stand in their power and live authentically.

@NancyBrown1975 Жыл бұрын

I love that our options are brought out clearly in this video with Lisa and her guest.

@gonegirl9114 Жыл бұрын

When someone acts like their birthday is a national holiday. Even suggesting I take off work but barely acknowledge my birthday with an evening call to tell me they’re having a bbq for Memorial Day and happy birthday . I’m usually invited to these events but I guess because it was my birthday too. She didn’t want me there possibly getting paid more attention than her.

@darkmoonastro3792 Ай бұрын

As an Arab woman I can relate to all of her experiences. It is so powerful to see people of my community breaking generational curses ❤ and finding their own expression. Can’t wait to get my tattoos soon regardless of it being seen as taboo

@amieanderson9827 Жыл бұрын

Thank you Lisa for sending support out to us all, thank you for all the great guests. Thank you for the strength you give to us 🙏 and the knowledge to help ourselves ☺️

@yolandagrabowski6043 Жыл бұрын

My dad said, when man says jump, she should ask how high? If she doesn't, he should beat her badly. He serious. Mom said he was kidding. My brother broke my possessions If I didn't let him do sexual things to me in my past. Other men are things for me. I don't know if it's supposed to be a common courtesy or prostitution. Shady.

@maryamory1549 10 ай бұрын

I have watched this channel ( and your husband’s ) many times. I just found this woman’s interviews today. Man, I wish I had these videos to watch forty years ago. I am learning very late, but I am learning. Good for her! ( Former people pleaser with trampled boundaries ) Yes. It isn’t about making others conform , but who and what you decide to invite in to your life.

@angiemariaorozco9804 Жыл бұрын

This is the most amazing lady! That i have come across so much talent, knowledge, I needed to hear this, I was in so much confusion and my boyfriend now my ex was taking every little bit of myself, playing games with me and when asking him of thy situation he was good at hiding things but the more he hid the more i saw always ending mad at me, along with othet b.s lies but after hearing this today my life changes thank you so much because of you , im on my way to succeed, love me , do me and only me! Ty

@LauHoude Жыл бұрын

Thanks for this video! What Najwa is saying is defnitely helping me realize some unhealthy patern in my life. I need to also let go of the roap with that person that is pulling me away from my authentic self.

@alley457 Жыл бұрын

Everything about this is so profound, thank you both for sharing your conversation 🌸

@lisamoag6548 Жыл бұрын

Well done dear ones. You are women of courage and grace. Thank you Ladies

@brendarees9404 Жыл бұрын

I felt tearful with the thread story this was so me asking for to much instead of finding it in myself . I could hug you both, you blew my mind xx

@HiddenGemindasunshine Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much, I truly identified with this sense of self care but never heard it articulated before.

@lizacarolinabrown1850 Жыл бұрын

A very comprehensive and well rounded discussion of many the things I’ve been working on awhile now in my own growth and evolution but often lack the right phrasing and vocabulary. I appreciate your ability to succinctly get to the heart of the matter on some very big ideas. Such as “I’m not shutting you out; I’m inviting you in, to be with the real me” wow. That’s golden. Now then, what comes next? The person on the other side of the boundary might ask what they can do differently? This is a great topic for another broadcast 🙏🧡🌟😎 How to keep the boundary about ourselves while still opening a place for the other person to grow and possibly learn from what we have observed as someone close to them. I’m struggling with the right dialogue for this right now.

@janehale4402 11 ай бұрын

I can't tell you how much i needed to hear Najwa Zebian today.People pleasing was suffocating me.

@Alyona-rl1gt Жыл бұрын

THANK YOU for this episode both of you! 🌺🌺🌺 one of my favorite guests of all time ❤❤❤ So inspiring, so transformative ❤🌺❤🌺❤

@cocotomas9823 5 ай бұрын

After leaving an abusive relationship where I was trauma bonded for 7 years, this was exhilarating as well as painful to watch. The freedom of finding myself and setting my boundaries is the most wonderful gift I have given myself. My only regret is that I didn't do it at a time when I could still have children 😢 that is something I can't begin to imagine overcoming. But I am grateful to finally be living an authentic life surrounded by people who love me.

@kellychancellor9585 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing your journey. So many things you said touched my soul. And in my unsolicited opinion : YOU ROCKED THE BOLD RED LIPSTICK. thank you for being you outloud to give other women bold advice to find our true selves.

@Pureworkswithworkman Жыл бұрын

Sis said…you are valuable…protect your goddess (you).❤️ Thank you, I receive the message!

@Marwa.AR2019 Жыл бұрын

I love how calm you are Najwa

@michignamymichigan Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much, for these healing moments. So, much more knowledge to use on my way forward. 🧡

@ginettegrenier9806 10 ай бұрын

Wow I am so impressed by this person. She is so inspirational...❤❤❤ The way she explains boundaries is just so well put and explained that I will relisten to this often so that it gets ingrained. Keep being you! 😊

@valentinapoenaru1716 Жыл бұрын

Such a good podcast!! Very impressed with this girl and you Lisa! This is so educational that it should be a class in schools and teach girls from a young age about boundaries, relationships and ask they why and mental health and how all of this impacts on your quality of life and who you want to be and how to live your life! I am so grateful I came across you two and I subscribed to this channel and hit follow on insta and of course will check your books and buy them! This is worth of many hours and money of therapy… and is so good to see now many women stand for themself and speak their truth and live up to their authenticity and the real them ❤❤❤ love it ❤️❤️❤️